My Beautiful Disaster
by xlovestory
Summary: Bella's life isn't perfect. She's gone through problems and has dreams. Then she meets Edward, and everything starts to fall into place. But will he be around forever? BxE *Under Grammar Check*
1. Prologue

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Prologue.**

A long time ago, when I was five, I was told my first fairytale. Being at that naïve young age, I believed what my mother said straight away. About the princes, the castles, the happily ever after; I was convinced it happened to everyone, and would eventually happen to me.

How wrong I was.

It was about ten years after I'd first been read fairytales that I realised they were utter rubbish. They were made to give you happiness; a little bit of story to keep you quiet when you were younger. But in fact, they just made you question life more after you'd read them, and then, when you realised they were wrong, it brought you sadness.

Like life, you just couldn't win.

After crying for several hours at the possibility of me never finding true love, my prince, my castle, and my happily ever after, I saw the world for the first time. I didn't ignore the news - for it was telling me the truth; I didn't ignore my parents - because they only wanted what was best for me. I was no longer living in my imagination, where I was going to be the fairest of them all. I was growing up.

I grew up quickly, somewhat quicker than the others. I had to because things started to go wrong. My parent's divorced; my mother married again (into an abusive relationship - she didn't know that yet); my father became ever distant, until he was a workaholic to hide his pain; and then there was me. Standing in the middle of the mess, trying to grasp at some control that wasn't there in the first place. I realised again what I'd realised before. Nothing is perfect and nothing is ever set in stone.

Things change; my life could change.

And it did.

When I look back at it, it was one of the best times in my life, even if bad things happened along the way. Because I met the one person that made my life - my broken, fragile life - make sense. He gave me purpose; he gave me hope; he gave me everything I'd ever wanted. And as ironic as it sounds, I really thought he was my Prince Charming…

But will he be here forever?

**A/N; This is the first chapter of My Beautiful Disaster. It has now been completed and I'm going on a grammar correction spree to try and right all it's flaws. However, if this is the first time you've read this story I'd really appreciate any constructive criticism, in the form of a review. If you've read this before, I hope you enjoy it more, now that the mistakes have been eradicated. Enjoy (:**


	2. One

My Beautiful Disaster.

**Chapter One.**

I love to run, with the air wrapping itself around my body, desperately trying to get inside. It whips through my straggly, but sometimes curly hair, throwing it in directions that it isn't meant to go. And it feels refreshing, like a nice cold shower. It wakes me up; brings me to my senses, and lets me live in my happy place for a while. Because when you're running, there's nothing to think about except continually moving your legs along the path you're taking. It isn't hard; or trying; or confusing. It's one of the few things in my life which is easy. It's just simply moving… and when I'm moving, my worries seem to fade.

My mind in full of concerns, both useful and unneeded. But isn't everyone's? Everyone goes through difficult times, and everyone has at least one worry in their mind, something that'll take time to figure out. Everyone has. It's one of the few things that connect every human being on this planet. It doesn't matter that the reasons for the creases on our brows are different. It doesn't matter that some people have bigger problems than others. We are joined together - yet we always feel alone.

I've felt lonely, because for the last few years of my teenage years I was almost alone. Of course, I had my father with me, but he wasn't there. He was in body, but not in mind. He was constantly in a dream, probably going over ever minute detail of why my mother left. It killed him, but he still goes on. So far anyway…

But I'm running, not away from anywhere, just for leisure. The best way to get away from the things on my mind. With my earphones plugged securely in my ears, beautiful notes flowing into my thoughts and clouding over the ones that fog out my brain 24/7, I can finally relax.

And with that reassuring thought noted neatly in my mind, I make my way home.

* * *

_"One day I'll turn around,_

_And see your hand reach out,_

_Oh, I'm only fooling myself._

_But baby, when you smile,_

_It means you'll stay a while,_

_Maybe you'd save me now…"_

_-- 'Only Folling Myself' by Kate Voegele._

I shake my head sillily, with my shopping bags waving around in my hands as I sing along to a song on my Ipod. But it's always like this; singing is just in me somewhere. I can't imagine my life without my voice as it's soundtrack. And I've been told my voice is beautiful, mostly by my Dad, but hey - that's what Dad's are for.

I drop the shopping bags on the kitchen floor, with my earplugs still blaring music into my ears. After my run, I'd stopped off at the corner shop, bringing in some well needed groceries. I have to keep reminding myself I need to stock up my fridge - I've never really been good at remembering important things. Yet things are always on my mind. And I love to cook. Oh well, It's probably just a glitch in my brain.

Searching for my ipod, I take the earphones out, wrap them around the contraption, and slide it back into my jean pocket. Patting it safely inside, I proceed to pack away my shopping into my cupboards. After doing a bit of housework and feeling that my kitchen is pretty clean, I sink into the cushions of my sofa, glad for the rest.

I let my eyes close.

And I immediately go back to my childhood home. It's something that I've always done, because it makes me happy. I can feel the smile spread across my face just at the thought of that little home I lived in from ages 5 to 16. It was when my parents were the happiest people on Earth. They were together, and it seemed like everything was okay - but maybe I just couldn't see between the cracks. I know there was cracks; there had to be because when I turned 16 they got divorced. But still, to keep my childhood as easy as possible they smiled along with me, and I felt happy. Truly happy, which in turn made them happy. They truly care for me, and at first when they divorced, I was angry and upset. But times change, and now I see exactly why they did what they did. If you aren't happy in a relationship, you can't live like it's okay. They had to give it up, for another chance at happiness. I'd love to say that they were both happy now, but it's impossible. They'd probably be happier people if they were back together. The chances of that happening though, are slim.

But who am I to talk? My experience of relationships is hardly vast. I've been with a few guys - nothing remotely serious. They were mostly just crushes, and I've never felt love for anyone special. But I don't give my heart to people easily. I'm very easy to get along with, and if we connect I know we'll be friends, but giving your heart to someone; letting them hold your hearts key; signing away how you feel, isn't an easy thing to do - for me anyway. He'd have to be special. Extraordinary. And so far in my 22 years of life, I've not found him. Never the less, I'm still looking.

I shift in my position, twisting further into the couch, trying to get comfy. I kick off my Converse sneakers, letting my socked feet curl up against the other side of the sofa. And as I finally get comfy, I suddenly hear music blaring through my window. My eyes snap open to find one of my life long friends bouncing to the beat outside my window. I laugh at the ridiculousness of this situation. He knocks on the window loudly, pointing in the direction of the door, and signals for me to open it. I nod, releasing my feet from their confines on the couch, and throwing myself from my comfy spot. Sighing, I walk the few yards to the door, and through it open, the music flowing loudly through my doorway.

"Jasper." I greet him.

He smiles his contagious grin, flashing his LA white teeth. "Bella!"

I roll my eyes at him, partly laughing at the fact that he is so happy. He's always like this - I can't really remember the last time he looked sad. I used to be jealous of it, but I've seen how fake it can be. Because like everyone, he feels down sometimes. And I don't know why, but he feels like he has to cover it up. Sometimes I feel like I don't know who he really is. And then I think of all the years I've known him and shake my head. I know him better than anyone, and I love the 'best friend' title I hold.

I throw my arms around him in a hug and he quickly complies, the stereo flung around my back, hitting me, but not bad enough to cause a bruise. He looks at my face, concerned. "Did I hurt you?"

That's one of the loveliest things about Jasper; how caring he is. If you're down, he'll do something - anything you want - to make you feel better. He has this way of telling how you are feeling without you showing any signs of hurt or sadness. It's really incredible, and it still astounds people he meets. He's almost a psychic. But he cares about me a lot, more than I'll ever know. And I feel exactly the same way about him. He's the one person who'll always be there for me, and has been for a long time. I can't live without this guy, seriously.

I shake my head, returning to the conversation. "No, not at all. Come on in."

If I had a pound for every time he's been around at my house and stolen food from my fridge, I'd probably be a millionaire. So, as per usual, he walks past my living room, straight to my kitchen, opens the fridge and grabs the first thing he can find. Which happens to be an apple.

My eyebrow goes up at him. "Since when we're you into being healthy?"

He rolls his eyes at me, narrowing gradually as he takes a bite. "We're not all thin like you! You should really add on some pounds Bella."

I throw my hands in the air, partly cursing in my mind for bringing up a subject that meant going on about my weight. "I've told you millions of times, Jas, that I have a high metabolism!"

I'm not lying, even the doctors have said so. Yes, Jasper forced me upon them, telling them lies about how I don't eat. I've never met a person that eats more than me! I just burn things up easily, and every single morning I run. I, of course, don't tell Jasper that. It's the only secret I have from him. And I'm quite surprised he's not caught me yet. I just know it would cause a lot of drama. Unneeded drama.

He shrugs. "Still…"

I flop down onto the sofa again, wishing the ground would swallow me up before this conversation got underway again. "Jasper, please…"

He flopped down on the opposite chair. "Okay, okay. It's over, alright?"

I open my eyes and nod quickly. "Yes."

Taking another bite of the apple, I can hear the fruit crushing around in his mouth, and I smile at the simple sound. Everything had effects now, there was nothing natural about sound now, it seemed. Music was meant to be pure. Pure and simple, that's the sort of music I tended to like. But, like most things, I was open to other suggestions.

"How's the songbird today, then?"

Jasper's voice breaks through my reverie. I laugh at the nick name he gave me when I met him half way through high school. I had sung in music class, and he'd ehard me. Ever since, I was 'songbird' to him. And I take it as a compliment, because he thinks I'm quite good. He plays a little guitar, so he sometimes accompanies me. But don't get me wrong - I'm pretty shy. Playing in public isn't really my thing, since the time I did and fainted. I'm just not really for that. I'd have to really trust myself and my voice, and that's something I don't have. The confidence. I've always lacked it. The fact that I might be good, has never passed my lips - only the lips of others. And no matter how much I'm told, I'll never really register it. It annoys Jasper to hell, but that's just part of me. Singing is my dream… but that's exactly what it is. A dream - something that'll never happen. Like I said before I don't believe in fairytales. They just leave you unhappy.

I look at him sternly. "Seriously, Jas, don't call me that."

He sighs. "I'll not stop, until you realise the talent you hold."

"Talent?" I snort.

He leans forward, frustrated. "You'll never see, will you? You hold one of the best voices I've ever heard, but you won't let yourself believe it. Gather some confidence, and welcome to the truth. It's what you're meant to do, truly."

"Whatever."

Like a Godsend, the phone rings, letting me free myself from the conversation that is about to start. I run around the corner into the hall and grab the phone, lifting the receiver into my hand. "Yes?"

A man coughs on the other end. "Ms Bella Swan?"

"Yes."

"This is Sergeant Phillips, I work with your father. We have some bad news."

I feel my heart lurch and my stomach whirl. I gulp down the bile that rises in my throat and tell myself to focus. "What… what has happened?"

"Your father has been in a accident. We need you at Forks Hospital now."

The phone slips out of my hand, and I freeze.

Charlie?

**A.N; I feel incredibly evil right now, but it had to be done. That's the first chapter up, and it took me a while to write since I wasn't really feeling the direction it was going. As for the next chapter, I really don't know what I'm going to do. I have a million possibilities in my mind right now, so you'll just have to see.**

**For this chapter, which was up earlier than I thought it would be, please review!**


	3. Two

My Beautiful Disaster.

Chapter Two.

It's hard to describe what adrenaline feels like. It's a strange feeling; one of wanting to move but being completely frozen in one spot. You know you should run, and do whatever you need to do, but you just can't. It's like your brain has split in two, one wanting to run, the other not wanting to go anywhere. And it leaves you with the feeling that you are confused. You have to concentrate, and tell yourself to focus. And when you do, everything happens at once.

Like right now.

I grab the phone, shoving it harshly on the stand, and run through to the living room, almost tripping up on the carpet on the way. Jasper is standing in the middle of the room, looking curious, and then a look of pain and fear crosses his eyes. He must of seen something on my face, I must look terrible. But I can't think of anything else, except --

"My father's in hospital." I breathe loudly, trying to catch my breath and steady my weak legs. But I can't stand, and I flop forward, with Jasper rushing to my side, and carrying me over to the couch. I breath in and out, in and out, and Jasper does it too, trying to help.

But it doesn't.

"We need to get to the hospital." I state.

Jasper nods his head slowly, as if I'm not here and in coma. He brushes my hair over to the other side of my face, and leans up to kiss my forehead. "We will, but you need to calm down first."

I launch myself off the couch, and right into his face. Terror is locked in his features. "I am not WAITING. My father is seriously injured, and I am not going to sit around and WAIT for him to die. Okay?!"

He nods his head again, with much more enthusiasm. With one hand I grab my bag, with the other I grab his hand, and we run for the door. Locking it safely, I jog to my car, with Jasper somehow already in the other seat, and the key in the ignition. I sigh for a moment, a calm moment with no other worries. What would I do without this guy? I shake my head mentally. I couldn't live.

And then my father's body, lying in a hospital bed pops into my brain, and I am encased with fear. I force myself to get together, and walk to my car, throwing the door open, sliding in roughly, and slamming it shut. Taking hold of the wheel, I pray there won't be much traffic.

And that we get there in time.

---

Edward Cullen leaned back against the head rest of his car. He tried unsuccessfully to undo the knots in his neck and shoulders, which were currently hurting. Keeping his hands neatly on the wheel, he turned from side to side, trying to loosen up. Then he heard his little sister huff.

"Seriously, Edward. What are you doing?" Alice moaned, turning to him with an angry, pouting look on her angel-like face.

Edward sighed. "Nothing, just trying to get comfy."

Alice put her hands on her lap, letting her eyes wander outside into the traffic jam which was forming. In a moment, all they would hear would be shouts from angry drivers and tooting horns. For now, there was relative quiet, and Edward was glad to say the least. That was where Edward and Alice were different. Alice, who was outgoing, and fast to make acquaintances, liked louder music. Sometimes, however she would like the complete opposite, and had recently joined the church choir.

Edward, however, liked more classic, down beat music, that fluttered gently into your ears, instead of battering your eardrums. They were quite similar in other ways, though. They were both very kind and caring people, with hearts of gold.

Alice smirked as she looked out the window, knowing the conversation that would spark up after her next comment.

She sighed, crossing her arms with her eyes still out of the window. She wouldn't need to look to see how her remark would affect him. She shrugged. "Well, I told you, you should have let me drive."

Edward threw his head back in agitation. He knew this would happen. Turning his head over to his sister, sitting with her arms crossed like a toddler having a tantrum, he couldn't help but smile. That pout could do anything, and usually got her what she wanted. However, after knowing her for 22 years, he knew how to not give in easily.

"I wasn't letting you drive."

"Why?" She whined, hoping she'd finally get somewhere.

He tapped the wheel impatiently. "Because you don't drive carefully enough."

She growled, and almost bared her pointy teeth. "I drive perfectly, thank you very much."

He laughed sarcastically. "Sure you do."

She turned to her side, lifting her tiny body slightly off the seat, and fully turned her face on him. This usually intimidated people, but her brother was used to her acts. She glared in his direction, to which he just smiled that damn crooked grin. "And what do you mean, my dear brother, by that remark?"

He shrugged, so badly wanting to laugh. "That you drive too fast, and like a maniac."

Her eyes bulged. "I do not drive like a maniac!"

"That, dearest sister, I'm afraid you do." He answered quietly, slightly afraid of the outburst that would surely follow. He turned away slightly, trying to shield himself.

And then she struck.

He winced at the contact of her hand on his arm. He knew there would be a bruise there at some point tomorrow; Alice wasn't known for being gentle. He knew from experience.

"If I drive like a maniac, you drive like a snail. Seriously! You drive a Volvo, and you don't take it even an inch over the mark!"

He looked at her, seeing the gleam of irritation in her eyes. "I just like to keep safe."

She pointed her finger at him. "Are you saying I'm not safe?"

"No. You're lethal."

And she sunk back into her seat, admitting defeat.

---

I stamped on the pedal impatiently, trying to urge myself forward as fast as possible. God must hate me. He gave me a traffic jam the only time I asked him for help. Well get lost! I'll get there in time, I know I will. Well, I hope.

I whined loudly, and batter the steering wheel. Throwing my head back, I sigh. "We're never gonna get there in time, and when I do I'll find my father being wheeled away… because he… died."

I hadn't cried yet; it was never my thing when I was younger. If I fell, I'd just jump up and run again. If the few boyfriends I had broke up with me, I'd smile and live on. So for me, crying in front of Jasper in my car, in the middle of a traffic jam, wasn't really me. But it felt right. I should cry, because of the terrible things that were happening.

I leaned forward, putting my face on the wheel, and let myself weep. Jasper's comforting hand rubbed my back soothingly, and I tried as hard as I could to stop. And eventually I did, but the rims of red around my eyes deceived me. My father - if I ever saw him - would know I'd been crying.

Jasper took me to his side, and hugged me tightly. With my eyes still glued to the inching road, I thanked him, and went back to my seat. The traffic had moved only a little, but I was very glad to see that the traffic, a little up ahead, was moving swiftly. With that reassuring thought, I put my hands back on the wheel, and got ready to move.

"What will you do when you get there?" Jasper's voice broke through my thoughts.

That was one thing I didn't know how to answer. Truth was, I hadn't really given much thought to it. I didn't want to think of what I'd do, I just wanted to be there doing whatever was right for me to do. I didn't have a path. I just had to be there for my father. So I answered Jasper truthfully.

"I have no idea."

And then, with the road almost cleared, I stamped on the foot pedal, and shot along the road.

---

Alice's eyes lit up when she saw the car two lanes down drive away, incredibly quickly, when there was finally space.

"Now that is how you drive, Edward!"

She pointed in the cars direction, shaking with excitement. Edward rolled his eyes, before fully focusing on the human inside the speeding car. She was obviously fuelled with hope, fear and sadness. Her hair was over her face, with her eyes filled with tears, and the man beside her was tapping her back lightly. Yet she still sped on, and this made Alice very happy.

"Why don't you drive like that!" Alice moaned, huffing slightly.

Edward turned to her. "Because that is far too fast." And I am not as full of worries as she is, he added silently.

"She is a good woman. The sort of woman you need, Edward. Yes, we should follow her. She would be a great woman for you." Alice mumbled in the other cars direction, but she was really talking to her brother, and he heard her perfectly.

His eyes darkened, and as soon as he saw a break in the road, he drove quickly through and turned at the next turning taking a short cut to their destination.

Alice thumped her hands on the front pf the car angrily. "Edward!"

He shook his head. "I don't follow woman."

She shoved his shoulder. "You need a woman."

"I'm fine thanks."

Alice looked out the window in search for the car that was evidently a long way from them. "That's what you think." She whispered.

---

When we arrived at the hospital it seemed very busy. We ran to reception after hastily parking the car. I ranted at the secretary, who wasn't working quick enough for my liking, and then after a while we were taken to the ward which my father was in. Jasper sat quietly while the doctor who was treating my father talked to me.

"You're father is critically ill, Ms Swan."

My heart thumped madly, and my eyes filled with those damn tears again. "How badly."

The doctor looked solemn. "Very."

"But what happened to him, Doctor?"

I hadn't realised that the policeman from the phone call hadn't told me what had happened. Everything had come very quickly, and I suddenly felt foolish at not asking the officer. The Doctor seemed to understand.

He put one hand on my shoulder. "Your father was shot, Ms Swan."

And I felt the tears from my eyes leak.

**A/N; I hope you enjoyed that chapter. It was hard for me to write, because I wasn't sure how I wanted to do this. But anyway, it's done now, and I hope you liked the outcome.**

**The next chapter should be out next week.**

**Please REVIEW!**


	4. Three

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Three.**

When I was eight, I was invited to this birthday party; hosted by one of the boys in my class which I didn't really like - and whom didn't like me - it wasn't going to be fun. I remember standing outside the door, in the pouring rain, with my head stuffed into my hood and a grim smile on my face. His mother opened the door with one of those fake, welcoming smiles that actually reads 'the noise is too much for me, I wish I could get all these children out of my house'. I stepped inside, waving a long goodbye to my father who was sitting warm and dry in the car, ready to drive away. I remember thinking that hopefully this would go really quickly, and then I could go home.

It didn't go as quickly as I'd wanted.

It was only about an hour after I'd arrived that he decided to pick on someone. Yes, he was only eight, but he had a tendency to bully people. His mother and father hadn't taught him that well, and he tended to let his emotions get in the way of the things he was supposed to do. Someone stole his pencil a few weeks before the party, and he'd just sort of… turned. Into a monster. Filled with rage, he'd hurled his eight year old self at the other boy, who eventually had a bloody nose and cuts all over his face.

But that day, the day of his birthday party, was the day he decided to pick on me. He shouted abuse - the sort that boys of eight think are hilariously funny- and I was scared. Of what would happen if I offended him further. So, being me, I ran, tripping all the way of course, only making them laugh harder. I ran out of the house, grabbing my jacket on the way out. I ran along the street, vaguely sure of my way home. My father found me, while I was running around a corner, which happened to be beside the grocery store he was just leaving. Once I saw him I ran right into his arms. He held me close, telling me it was okay. I told him to never leave me again. He said he wouldn't - he'd always be here.

Today, I wasn't so sure of his statement.

I sat with my head in my hands, my elbows on me knees, on one of those uncomfortable light blue chairs they have in hospital waiting rooms. Tears ran uselessly down my worn face, and I couldn't stop them. They just kept running, kept coming. I wish I had a stop button - but I don't. So I keep my face down, so that the people around me don't see how bad I'm feeling. For my father and myself.

I always thought he'd be with me, my father. I always thought he'd be there, to see me grow up fully, to walk me down that aisle I really, actually don't want to walk down, and to hold his grandchild in his arms while me and my husband look fondly over his shoulder. I wanted to have all those moments with him. But now, sitting here, with him in a room somewhere being operated on, I wasn't so sure if he'd be there for those moments. Would he even know I'd been here waiting, or would he go so quickly I wouldn't be able to say goodbye? This made the tears come more fiercely. I dried my eyes roughly with the back of my hand. Raising my head, I looked around the waiting room.

People watching. Something to pass the time.

The couple in the corner, looking down at their hands. They exchange a quick glance, and then look away again, like they are afraid to look at each other too long. He leans over and whispers something into her ear - it seems like it was a loving comment, for she nods sadly, and he puts his arm around her shoulders, she leans into his chest, and they each share a contented sigh. Next thing, the doctor comes up to them with his heels clicking against the laminate, blue dotted flooring. He sits down in the opposite seat and explains something to them both. It turns out to be good news. The doctor slips away as they smile widely at each other, then kiss, and I feel a pang of jealously. Why are they allowed to be happy, when everyone else in this room is morose?

I run a hand through my hair, mentally cursing myself for thinking so pityingly. I shake my head, with no-one glancing to look at me. Then I go back to my time passing game.

There's an old woman in the corner, with her legs crossed at the ankles, and her hands in her lap. She turns her wedding ring a thousand times, probably silently hoping for the impossibly to happen. Her curls fall gently out of the tight bun she has on her head, and she tucks them around her ears angrily. I watch as a small tear courses down her cheek, and I feel instantly sorry for her. Then the door at the other side of the room opens, and everyone's eyes turn to the door, with hope glittering in their eyes. It seems that someone has been looking down on that woman, for her jumps up and rushes as fast as she can at the person I can only presume is her husband. They share a hug, and then carry on out the door. Everyone else shares a smile at the thought of those two people, then they go back to their own worries. I deflect from thinking about mine by glancing at another person.

There's a man, with a briefcase left unattended on the floor. He sits in the seat, with his eyes tuck to the ground. His mobile phone sits in his hand, it's switched off but that doesn't stop him from looking like he wants it to ring. I shake my head, trying to connect the dots of his story. Then everything comes clear when a pregnant woman trudges into the room, tear tracks on her cheeks but a brilliant smile lighting up her features. She goes to him, wrapping her arms around him, with her large belly getting in the way. The way he looks at her is the way you look at someone who holds your heart completely, or so I'm told. I used to see that look with my father - for my mother.

_My father._

Images of him lying dead, with a sheet covering his body fly through my head like the speed of light. I wince out loud, rubbing my temples trying to erase the image, and thankfully it goes away.

I turn my head to the door, wanting someone to come through, and somehow my prayers are answered as I see the one person who'd always been there for me. Jasper.

He walks over and sits next to me, taking my hand in a friendly gesture. "How're you doing?"

I shrug, placing my face away from his view. He won't see my tears anymore, he doesn't need to see the pain I go through. "Alright."

"Truly?"

I shrug again, and don't reply. That's reply enough.

"Any news?" He desperately tries to get information out of me, and I hadn't realised how robotic I had become since sitting here, having time to think. This time I turn to look at him, and he glances at my tear stains instead of my face. My lips curve upwards slightly, then fall back down. That's the best smile I can do.

"None." One words answers.

He nods his head, and I think he gets it now. I don't want to talk. I don't want to listen. I just want to go away - to my own little world in my head where nothing goes on except thinking. Where my father isn't on the verge of death. Just away.

Another doctor comes in, and surprisingly he calls my name. My head shoots up along with my body, and he smiles in a way that leaves you more curious than before. He urges me to sit down, and he himself takes the seat on my other side. I feel Jasper lean into my back, trying to get a better listening position at what the doctor is saying.

"Your father has had his surgery done. At the moment it is too soon to know how, or if he will recover fully. We've managed to remove the bullet, but he was shot so closely to the heart that his chances are, unfortunately, slim."

I feel like the doctor has made this never ending speech. My mind has to catch up, take in all the details and it takes me a while to find the energy to nod my head. Once I do, he continues.

"He is currently awake. We're not sure how long for, until he needs to sleep, but right now you are able to see him."

He gives me the floor and the ward number, then sends his apologies and walks through the door he just came in. I sit for a while, locking my brain in gear before I stand up, giving one more glance to the remaining people in the waiting room, and then I walk through those doors too.

Jasper follows me, but as I near the door, I stop and turn around. He reads me well. "Do you want me here, or do you want time to yourselves?"

I smile at him weakly. "I think I'd rather be on my own. If this is… the last time I talk to him… I want to do it by myself."

He nods sadly, hugging me then letting me go and I watch as he retreats down the corridor once more. I walk the remaining steps and look through the small pane of glass in the door, finding my Dad's frail looking body lying on one of the hospital beds, wrapped up carefully in sheets. He somehow hears me from outside and our eyes lock. I open the door, close it behind me and turn around.

"Bella. I'm sorry."

Somehow, his words make me break down again. I cry for him, and fling myself at his bed, hugging him tightly like this is goodbye. "There is nothing _-hiccup- _to be sorry _-sob- _for. You've done _-sniff- _nothing. It was the other man's… fault." I try my best to keep my words clear, but it turns out harder than I thought.

He kisses my hand. His hand is full of wires. "Hush, kid. I need to talk to you."

I obey him. I'll do anything to make this easier for both of us. I nod at him, signalling for him to go on as my curious side kicks in. He smiles grimly at me.

I can see the tears build in his eyes as he speaks. "I know that this may be it for me - the doctors have already explained that. But I want you to know that no matter how much I shouted at you, or how many times I banned you from venturing out the house, it was for your own good. You're my daughter, my one and only child. I love you more than anything. Describing how much a parent loves his kid is the hardest thing to do, because it's something that just clicks when you hold the thing you've created in your arms. It's indescribable, irreplaceable. And I love you, Bells. Always have, always will."

I don't know how I did it, but I managed to listen to his heartfelt speech without crying. So far, so good. But he, apparently wasn't finished. I began to worry, talking made him breathless now. But he carried on anyway, brushing aside my concerns.

"I never thought I'd ever have someone so talented connected to me. I never thought I'd have such a wonderful child, but yet here you are! You've made me and your mother so proud of you, kid. You're amazing. That voice, I heard it all the time I was in that ambulance. You were calling to me, your sweet voice, Bells. You gotta use that."

"Dad, you're obviously still under the drugs." I snorted, it wasn't from the tears.

He slapped my hand a little, with that sparkle in his teary eyes. "I'm not lying, Bells. It's true! Everyone thinks it, just you don't believe it, kid. You've got talent, so much talent I can hardly believe you're related to me!" I had to laugh. "Use it, please. Find a way to get your dream. It's my wish."

I could do two things with the statement. I could promise, and actually try to find a way into the Music Industry, or I could tell him I would and actually not. But I cannot deceive my father. On his potential death bed, I will not lie. "I promise Dad." And I mean it.

He reached into the drawer beside his bed, grabbed something shiny and placed it into my hands, his own hand shaking. I gasp. It was his necklace, his cross. It was the one thing that belonged to him, and he loved it truly. It meant so much to him, and I never thought he'd give it to me. I try to place it back in his hand. "Dad… no." He pushes it back, and I'm not going to fight.

"I want to give it to you, Bella. It was yours for when I died. I'm giving it to you now, just in case. I hope it brings you luck, and joy. I tried to be a Christian, and it's hard. But hopefully, you'll follow it for me." I nod. "Wear it. And if by some miracle I survive, you'll always have a part of me with you, wherever you end up."

A tear rolls down my cheek, and I kiss his hand. "Thank you."

He nods, and then his eyes close. I smile at his frail looking face, and hope he'll survive, because I still want him to be there when I meet the man I'll love.

Little did I know, that time was sooner than I thought.

**A/N; People were wondering when Edward was coming in, and I thought I'd answer you here: Edward will be in it soon, but I have to finish this little bit first. It was important to me to have this bit about her father in, so it connects all the dots in the story. But she will come across Edward soon, you just have to be patient. :)**

**Thanks to everyone who has read so far. I know this is a new thing for most of my regular readers, but I hope it's working. I'm enjoying doing something new.**

**But for now, until the next update, please review.**

**:D**


	5. Four

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Four.**

.x.

Her face.

Her tears.

Her anger.

The fear within her.

Everything about her, he remembered.

It was like a silent video. He remembered every single second of the time he saw her, in her car, with the man by her side. It almost haunted him. It was like he knew her, from only the few seconds he saw her. And it hadn't been a pretty sight; but he'd seen her beauty. From those few seconds, he'd saw _her_ - whoever she was. He'd seen the real person, without any guards. He'd seen her soul, and everything she'd kept inside for all those years of her life. She hadn't seen him, but he'd seen her. And now he felt like he knew her; knew who she was.

Even if he didn't know the specifics.

Like her name, age, where she lived, what she did for a living, her dreams. She was a nameless being his dreams were becoming connected with. Every night as he closed his eyes, he'd see her tired and worn from crying face. He'd see her sitting in her car, her hands gripping the steering wheel for her life, and he'd see her then speed along the motorway, in the direction of… wherever.

Then the dream would end.

And he'd wake up, wishing desperately he knew who she was. He felt, somewhere deep inside like he was supposed to have seen that. Like it was a special sign, a hint that something would bring her into his life again, and if this were the truth he was excited for what was to come next. He'd never show it, though.

Edward Cullen was a very enclosed being. He didn't let people see the real person until he was sure he could trust them. He had too many things going over in his mind to think about. He had too many worries, frustrations. He didn't like people trying to get into his life, just for the challenge. He wanted someone to see him, without him showing them who he really was. And for some strange reason, he felt like _she_ could do this. She, being the person he didn't know whatsoever.

The more the thought about it, the more absurd it became. It was strange, and totally weird, yet it felt right to think this way. He wanted to help her, in some way. Get her to open up. And yet, the chances of ever meeting her again were incredibly slim.

He shrugged out of his bed covers, and looked around his large room. From his place in his bed he could see the alarm clock's red numbers shining into the distance. Looking directly at them, he found that it was just after five o'clock in the morning. He sighed, thinking about the day ahead. Nothing would happen, except he'd be teaching again. Something he used to love to do, but now found it slightly boring.

Edward Cullen was a well known pianist. He'd made a couple of CD's with a record company in LA, but then found that he didn't want his music out there for the world to criticize. The pieces he wrote were like magic to him. He didn't think they were much good, but they made him feel good. When he played it was like electricity coming out of his fingertips; he was on fire, and loved every single moment of the pain. It was a release for him, and when playing he let down his guard. He never played in public for that reason; he was too out there when he played. The only person who'd seen him play was his sister.

Alice Cullen.

She was sweet, too sweet for her own good on some occasions. She was kind, very kind and had the biggest heart he'd ever known. But what she wanted, never seemed to come to her. Since she was a child, she'd wanted to fall in love. There had been guys, Edward knew, but none of them had reached her standard. She wanted, and he wanted for her, someone caring who could handle her and her strange moods. She needed excitement, love, laughter, and everything in between. She needed the man to give her the world. Apparently, that is hard to find.

Edward stretched, glanced at his alarm clock again and forgot about going back to bed. He was wide awake and the thought of sleeping again, only to dream about that woman, seemed like torture. Until he actually knew her, and had some connection with her, he wouldn't see them as pleasant dreams. Only dreams filled with pain and lost hope.

Donning on a think, fleecy jumper, he rubbed his hands together as he exited the room. The laminate wood flooring squeaked only slightly, and was very cold making Edward jump and walk faster to get to the carpet. Once he was downstairs, he walked quickly through the halls, until he reached his area. Switching on the light switch, the delicate lighting - not too bright, not too soft - came on, and then he saw his delight.

His piano.

It was his world, his joy. If he didn't have his piano, he wasn't sure what he'd do. When he was just a child, he'd heard Mozart for the first time. He remembered being astounded by just how much the music touched his soul and made him feel so over the moon. He knew from that moment that playing piano was for him. After begging his parents for lessons, they agreed and then he began to play. He had natural talent, to just such a determination to play. But whatever it was, his teacher was pleased. And that was that. He was a pianist, and didn't want to do anything else. It was important to him, to make others feel the same way he did when he heard Mozart. He wanted to inspire. That was why he taught. He wanted to give otehrs the option to let go, and use the piano. For him, it was incredibly powerful. He wanted other to feel the exact same way.

He smiled as he looked down at the masterpiece which was his piano. He sat down at the stool, and revelled in the silence which was about to be broken. Lifting his hands before the keys he closed his eyes, and let his hands drop. Then he played.

The notes formed nicely, and he could feel the notes on the bar lines flow across his head in his mind. He wrote the music in his brain, and because he had played so long he could just experiment, and know which notes went with which. His fingers flew across the keys, alighting sounds so beautiful it touched his heart, and then he slowed down, and ended.

Grabbing a piece of sheet music, he began to write from memory exactly what he had played, and it came naturally. He smile at himself when he had finished, and then he played it again, making sure it was correct. It was.

And then he named the piece.

**_'The Crying Girl.'_**

* * *

I felt the petals under my finger tips, and I moved the flower up to my nose, bringing its wonderful scent up to me and inhaled. It was gorgeous. After arranging them once more, and let them go, stepping back to admire my handy work. I smiled; perfect.

Turning around, I felt my father's gaze on my back. I smiled widely at him, silently thanking God every time he looked at me, that he was still alive. It was a miracle, it truly was. I can't believe it myself, but yes, he survived. The bullet had been removed so successfully, he'd managed to live again. Yes, he was still in hospital recovering after the accident which had happened two weeks ago now, but the fact was, he was safe. He was still here; he might meet my dream man after all…

I sat down beside him on his bed, touching his greying hair gently. He smiled up at me, taking my hand and holding it in his. I saw him catch a glimpse of the necklace he had given me, and he seemed to smile wider. I hadn't taken it off, I wouldn't allow myself. It sounded silly but a part of me thought it was only this necklace which was keeping him here. So I'd never take it off in fear of losing him. Id' been such a wreck this week, thinking that he wouldn't be here if I even closed my eyes. Taking this cross off wasn't an option anymore. I couldn't go through that kind of pain again.

"When do visiting hours end, kid?" He asked me, with sadness in his tired eyes.

I looked quickly at the clock on the wall. "Five minutes, Dad."

He nodded. He then looked up at me. "I'm still here, aren't I?"

I wanted to laugh at his weird statement, but it was too serious. Was he asking me why he had lived? Was he doubting if I'd wanted him to live? "Yes Dad, of course you're still here. And I'm so very glad, so glad." I brought our entwined hands up to my lips and kissed his hand in a daughterly gesture. He seemed happy with my answer.

"But I won't be here forever, you know."

I sighed, telling myself not to think that far into the future. "I know, but I don't wanna think about that right now. All that matters is that you're here today, and the next day. Hopefully much longer. So once you're out, we'll spend our time together, savouring every minute."

"Love you, Bells." He seemed teary.

I smiled at him. "You too, Dad."

Then he looked away. "But I'm not gonna allow you to just stay around me, you know, kid. You've got a promise to keep, and as long as I'm on this earth, you're gonna keep it."

My brow wrinkled. "Explain, please."

He looked me in the eye. "You're gonna get out there, and sell your voice. Because you promised me you'd try, and you'll get there. I have every faith in you."

I looked at the clock again, trying not to roll my eyes. It was past visiting time. I thought abotu what he had said, and sighed. Yes, I had made the promise, and I would keep it. I just didn't know where to start.

I stood up, and watched as he saddened. Kissing his forehead, I told him I'd be back tomorrow, and he nodded.

"Bells."

I turned when I was at the door. "Yes."

He had a twinkle in his eye. "I heard the local church has a good choir."

I smiled, and then made my way down the halls of the hospital.

I guess that's as good a place as any, to start.

**A/N; Hello everyone. Another chapter for you, which is shorter, but that is where I wanted to finish it. In the next chapter she will me a Cullen. Which one? Wait and find out. I'm getting into the main part of the story now, because all the stuff with her father is sort of finished. So, that means... Edward! Soon, I promise.**

**Thanks fot the review! I'd love some more...**


	6. Five

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Five.**

She swung open the Starbucks door, letting it close behind her, hoping that no-one was there and would be hit in the face. With a quick glance behind her, she noticed that nothing had happened, and she made her way towards the counter.

Behind the counter was one of the regular servers, a girl she knew was called Rosalie. They'd become quite good friends, thanks to Alice's need for coffee. She was in here most weekends, the days which Rosalie worked, and that was convenient. When Alice was served they would talk about their week for the few minutes they had - even though Rosalie's boss wasn't so happy about it - and then Alice would wait around for fifteen minutes until it was Rosalie's break. Then they would really catch up.

Alice walked quickly up to the counter, reaching over a pressing a kiss onto Rosalie's cheek. Rosalie grinned back at her, her beautiful, sparkling white teeth beaming back at Alice. "The usual?" Rosalie asked with a smile.

"As if you need to ask, Rosalie." Alice laughed.

Rosalie chuckled along with her, and then reached her long fingers behind her, picking up a plastic cup and writing in black marker pen what drink she wanted. Rosalie's eyes didn't need to look at the cup as she penned it; she'd done this so many times she could do this with her eyes closed. Rosalie didn't want this job - Alice knew too well, because they'd spent hours on the phone talking about Rosalie's dreams.

Rosalie sighed, gazing behind Alice at the gathering customers. She sometimes wondered why she did this, but then she remembered how the money she made really helped her, and then she felt guilty at ever thinking badly of the job she had been given. It was the pennies that made up the pounds, eventually.

As she handed the cup to Steve, the other person on duty, she smiled back at Alice who was hunting for change in her purse. "How's the week been?"

They always started their conversations like this. Alice giggled while rustling around in her purse, still hunting. Meanwhile, Rosalie took a plate and gathered Alice's muffin.

Alice shrugged. "Same old, same old."

"Choir today?" Rosalie mentioned.

Alice nodded, a smile washing over the crease of her forehead as she handed Rosalie the money. Rosalie thanked her, gave her her change, and then told her she'd be over in a minute. Alice collected her muffin and coffee, then went to their usual table.

As Alice sipped on her coffee, she pondered about her week. It had been pretty stressful. She worked as a nurse in the children's part of the hospital, and it was a job she loved. She would come into work with a sad expression thinking of how they kids' conditions could have changed, but as soon as she saw them, with their cute little smiles, she forgot about her worries and smiled with them. It was refreshing.

This week had ended badly. One of the children she ad the doctor she worked along side had died. He had been the sweetest little boy she'd ever found, and she'd wanted to cry when he stopped breathing on that operating table. Even thinking about it brought a tear to her eye. But that was part of the job. When she's signed up for the job, and when she'd gone to college to study she knew what she was doing - she knew some of the stuff she would see would upset her; it was inevitable. But it still hurt. She couldn't even know the pain the parents and family members were going through. Some part of her wished, as always, that there had been another way, and that she'd helped more.

"What's eating you?" Rosalie's voice floated into her head.

Alice blinked, coming back from her thoughts and smiled at Rosalie, who always had a straight forward manner that could sometimes be too upfront. It was just as well she had a heart of gold. Once again, Alice shrugged. "Nothing. It's just been a tough week."

Rosalie's hand covered hers. "Wanna talk about it?"

Alice shook her head. "It's nothing that can be helped. One of my patients died. We knew it would happen at some point but it never fails to shock us when it does. It's scary how short life can be."

Rosalie smiled. "But that's part of your job, honey. You'll be fine. There's al the other kids, and I don't mean to sound horrible there. But that was the way it was supposed to be. There was no way you could change his fate. It's a shame, but life goes on."

Alice nodded; Rosalie was right. "Yeah, I guess. Anyway, how was your week?"

Rosalie looked out the window. "It was better than expected. I went to look at that building, it seemed okay. Big, roomy, just what is needed. And with a little bit of paint and work, it could be a fabulous dance studio."

Alice smiled; that was Rosalie wanted. Ever since she'd known her - which had been about two years - she'd known what Rosalie wanted; to be able to open a dance studio. She'd learnt over time that Rosalie had been a dancer when she had been little, right up until the age of sixteen. She'd wanted to continue but the funds ran out, and she could no longer pursue it. Now, she wanted to give others the chance she never received. Teaching dance was a way to give others that chance, and Alice could really see Rosalie doing something like that. Whenever Rosalie talked about it, her whole face lit up. It was what Rosalie was meant to do.

"That's great, Rosy!" Alice smiled widely.

Rosalie nodded. "I know, and the money isn't really the issue. I'm just… getting a small case of cold feet. Will people come if I open the dance studio? Do people want to dance anymore? I'm just nervous."

Alice shook her head, still smiling; she was that sort of girl - always smiling and hardly ever down. Rosalie rolled her eyes at her enthusiasm, but was smiling anyway. "You're nuts. Of course they'll want to dance. Everyone does. And it'll be great for you to really have something to work on. You've finally reached what you wanted, so why are you stopping? Go for it!"

Rosalie bit her lips. "I guess…"

"I know!' Alice smiled, 'You're going to love teaching dance - and you know you'll love it too. You have to do this. We both know working here isn't your dream."

Rosalie sat up, finally convinced. "You are right. I'll sign those papers and get this off the ground. You're gonna be proud of me, Ali."

Alice hugged her from the side. "I always have been, Rose."

Alice glanced at the clock. "Oh gosh. Look at the time - I'd better run. But call me with any more news. Don't be nervous, you're made of this."

And with another goodbye hug, Alice danced through the door, on the way to the church where the local choir sang.

* * *

I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't know who convinced me, or if I've even convinced myself. But somehow I'm getting ready to go out of my comfort zone, and get to the church choir. It's totally unlike me, and no doubt I'll blush two million times tonight, but I'm doing this to please my father. It's only for him, and since I have no confidence in myself, I'm convinced they'll send me away after just a few notes. Jasper thinks I'm crazy - which to be honest, might be true - but I've never done anything like this before, so I'm allowed to be nervous like hell.

I slot in my earrings, watching the beads twirl and connect with the light, they're surfaces shining and twinkling. I take one more look at myself in the mirror, run my hands through my hair for the very last time, and step away. Grabbing my bag, I head for the door.

And run head first into Jasper.

"Whoa! Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

This is exactly what I was hoping to avoid. Because I know exactly how happy he'll be when I tell him, and then I'll disappoint him when I get sent away for my awful voice. I wince inside, looking at my watch and seeing that I might be late if I don't leave now.

I sigh. "I'm going to church."

Jasper's eyebrows become one as he looks confused. "But you've hardly ever been to church in your entire life."

I finger the cross lying across my collar bone carefully. I still haven't taken it off. I remain to believe that it's the only thing keeping him alive, even if he is well on the way to recovery. I try to look defiant. "Well, I am now."

"What's so special about today?"

I let my shoulders drop. "Look Jasper, I'm really going to be late if you don't stop questioning me."

"Answer quickly then."

I push past him, knowing full well he is behind me, and will follow me until he gets an explanation. I keep walking, and then relent. I stop, turn to him, and smile. "I'm joining the church choir."

He begins to grin. "Really? That's awesome."

"Yep, I happen to think so too. And I'm doing it for my Dad. Happy now?"

He throws me into one of his famous hugs that always seem to calm me down when I am nervous. It's like he can tell what I'm feeling, or something. "Very. Show off that voice you have."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever Jasper. I really have to go now."

He pats my shoulder, turning away as I start down the road again, quickening my footsteps to try and get there on time. "Bye Jas!" I yell behind.

Before I turn the corner, I here him shout back.

"KNOCK THEM DEAD, BELLS!"

I smile and continue on my way.

* * *

Alice ran through the door, glad to get out of the Autumn winds that were coming thick and fast. They wrapped around you, suffocating you with their crisp, cold breath. She shivered; summer couldn't come fast enough. Just nine more months, then.

As soon as she had entered, many people were shouting hello's and how are you's to her, which she accepted and answered with a smile. That was one of the things she loved about coming here. Apart from the fact that singing made her joyful, she loved the atmosphere and how friendly everyone was. If anyone new was going to join, they were sure to be welcomed into the family.

She greeted the other people in the choir and then the head of the choir. They had all quickly become friends, and now were really quite close. Making her way over to her seat, she felt wind on her back, and turned around to face the door which had opened.

In stepped and shy woman, about the same age as Alice, who looked around nervously for someone she knew. She seemed to see no-one she recognised, and an unhappy look spread across her pretty face. Immediately, she felt sorry for the woman, and started across the room to meet her. As she got closer, she seemed strangely familiar.

"Hello. Welcome to our church choir. I'm Alice."

She stuck out her hand, which the woman took gratefully. She saw her release a breath in relief. "I'm Bella."

Alice took her by the arm, and at first she was stiff but then settled. It seemed she wasn't used to people being so forwardly friendly. "Well, lets get you warmed up and greeted with everyone. Don't worry; we don't bite!"

Bella laughed, and soon settled in with everyone else. They all welcomed her happily, glad of a new addition to the choir and soon after they began to sing. Bella glanced around carefully before she started to sing, and as soon as she opened her mouth, the piano stopped.

Everyone turned to stare at her, and even though Alice was doing it too, she felt a little sorry for her. She began to blush.

"Where did that voice come from?" Alice asked, a smile edging quickly onto her lips.

Bella blushed even more. "Me, just naturally."

And then they began to sing again. Everyone there was so amazed by her talent, and Alice could see she'd be really special to their choir.

They continued singing well into the night.

**A/N; Another chapter, and I guess you could say that the real parts of the story will start here. I don't really know where we will go from this, so don't expect another chapter too soon. Something will come to me, I'm sure.**

**REVIEW!**


	7. Six

**My Beautiful Disaster**

**Chapter Six.**

The next day, after joining the choir for a singing session for the first time, I went to visit my father. When I stepped into the ward he smiled widely at me, which I heartily returned. I realised how hard it was for him to be in here; he was becoming depressed with all the sitting around he had to do, the tests he had to take, and it was even more difficult because he had been used to working as a policeman: a job that had you always on the go. Now he had nothing to do, and it disheartened him, so I hoped my good news would cheer him up.

I walked around to the other side of the bed, dropping off the bag of washing I'd done for him, and the bag of goodies I'd brought him to eat. Apparently the food here wasn't the best, and he was missing my dinners. Every Thursday night I would go back to my old house and cook dinner for him and me; it was almost a tradition now. But he'd been in here three Thursdays in total, and not one dinner.

Bending down to kiss his cheek, and watching as the wrinkles became more distinct when he smiled, I asked him how he was feeling. "Not too bad. Want to get home soon, really. But I'm glad you're here." He replied.

I smiled as I sat down beside him, stroking his cheek lovingly. "Any tests today?" As usual I asked all the questions I needed to, before going onto different topics. Like the choir.

"No. None at all." He replied, and his eyes glazed over. I fixed his hair in the way only daughters can do. He was clearly bored, and his eyes often drifted to the window, to the outside world, like they were just now.

I took time this time to go around to the other side of the bed and sort stuff out. He had numerous cards all lying around propped up on the window sill of his ward room, with the TV on muted. I doubted he watched it, it was just an object to make you think that human activity went on around here. In reality it was ill people looking wistfully out of the window remembering what it was like to be outside in the world. I sighed. Hospital's weren't the most happy places.

While I was doing chores, and Charlie was staring out of the window, or at the TV I wasn't sure, I took my time and thought of what had happened yesterday evening. After I'd ran into Jasper I'd ran to the church, hoping I wasn't late, and that the organisers wouldn't be mad. It turned out that it was really nice. The people were friendly, and I think I made a friend. Alice. Alice Cullen. She was really kind to me, and the sort of person I know I could talk to. It seems like she had a heart of gold, and we swapped numbers and addresses hoping to catch up before next week's choir practice.

I never thought I would say this but I'm actually looking forward to it. It was the sort of thing I never would have thought of doing unless I was pushed. And I did it for my father. But it turned out okay, and I'm happy I did it now. I had so many doubts, but they have all been washed away. Being there, with others who love to sing in their spare time, was really helpful and gratifying. It's given me something to look forward to, and for that I'm glad.

Afterwards I came back around to his side of the bed, and stroked his hand. He turned to look at me, and sorry smile on his face. I smiled back. "You'll be happy when I tell you what I did yesterday." I stated.

He looked at me, vaguely confused. "Why? What did you do?"

I smiled, looking him in the eye, and then I leant in and whispered, "I joined the church choir."

The look of pure happiness was such a great thing to see; something I hadn't seen in so long, that it almost made me tear up. I'd never seen such pure joy in his features for a long time, and it gave me a sense that although he seemed to be just living in the hospital, there was still some emotion left in him.

He kissed my cheek, happy at last. "Really? Oh Bells, that's great. I told you, you should do it. Was it worth it?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "Yep. I really enjoyed it, and I wanted to thank you because without your encouragement I would never have known how much fun it would be. I made a friend too."

His eyes shone. "Really?"

I laughed. "Yes. Why, do you think I'm incapable of making friends, Dad?' I joked with him. 'Her name is Alice, and I bet you'd like her."

"I'll have to meet her when I get out of here."

I nodded once again. "Yes, you will."

I saw the sadness seep into his eyes again, and my heart ached. I knew he wanted home now, but he was still undergoing various tests. There was nothing I wanted more than to have him back in his own home, but it was Doctors orders. We knew he would be home soon.

But for him, 'soon' wasn't soon enough.

-.-.-

Her heels echoed off the wooden flooring as she grabbed her bag and headed down the stairs. At the bottom, she stopped, checking her hair in the mirror, and then fixing her hat in place. After pulling on her coat, she left the hall and went into the living room to say goodbye to her brother. She found him lying on the floor, a can of Coke to his side, his face full of concentration as he worked over some music sheets. She had the urge to roll her eyes. Once caught up in music, you'd never get Edward out of there. She smiled as she bent down and knelt beside him. Once he felt her presence he grudgingly looking in her direction.

She smiled cheerfully. "I'm off out."

He smiled back. "Okay. Where?"

He turned back to his music sheets, and Alice watched him without answering as his fingers danced across the page as if they were playing the notes he'd written. He was engrossed, and she felt sorry she had stopped him. Although she sometimes felt his music got more attention than her, the final piece he produced would always be fantastic and bring proud tears to her eyes.

She rested her hand on his arm, before getting back to her feet. "Bye."

He rose his head. "You never told me where you were going?" He wondered, getting to his feet, and dropping his pencil back to the pile of sheets surrounding him. Stepping over them gently, he walked her to the door. Always the gentleman, Alice remembered.

She came up on her tip toes and kissed his cheek, rubbing away the lipstick marks as she headed for the door. "Just to a friends."

"Rosalie?" He enquired.

Alice shook her head. "No. A new friend. She just joined the choir yesterday, and seemed like she was a really nice girl. We swapped addresses, and I thought I'd pop in and say hi. Her name's Bella."

He grasped the handle as he opened it, the air busting in through he crack in the door. His eyes moved to the ceiling. "Bella…" He said wistfully.

Alice's brow raised. "What are you thinking?"

He let go off the door quickly, leaving Alice to catch it before it slammed. He shouted back 'nothing', but Alice knew by his face that it definitely wasn't nothing.

"What are you doing, Edward?"

She could almost see him shrug, but knowing she couldn't see him, he replied, "I just think it's a beautiful name, that's all."

"You're going to use it in your music, aren't you?!" She shouted through the hall.

"Maybe." was all he replied.

And with a huff, she stormed out of the house and into the blustery street.

-.-.-

When I got home, I'd picked up some shopping on the way so I dumped that on the pavement beside the door. Rummaging through my large bag, I searched for my keys. Once finding them, and having them clutched securely in my hand, I pushed it into the lock, my other hand on my head to keep the hair from my face. Once the door opened, I grabbed the shopping bags and hurried inside, slamming the door closed.

I sank down into the couch with the bags at my feet. Taking off my shoes, all I really wanted to do was curl up on the sofa and sleep, but I knew I couldn't. It wasn't anywhere near night-time, and I wanted to practice the songs for the choir before going to bed. But first, I had to put the shopping away. Getting reluctantly to my feet, I picked up the bags once more and carried them through to the kitchen, starting unpacking and putting the various items away.

And then the doorbell rang.

I jumped as it rang, its shrill sound making me shiver and I nearly dropped the can of tomatoes I was holding on my only socked feet. Standing up straight and putting the tin on the counter safely I went to answer the door.

It was Jasper.

"Hello, thy singing sensation." He answered as the door opened, and I couldn't help but laugh at the funny things he comes out with. Sometimes he just cracked me up.

I opened the door wider. "Come on in, Jas."

As per usual, he sank down onto my place in the couch. I almost growled at him, as I knew he did it to wind me up. Successfully. So I continued walking into the kitchen to put the rest of the food away. He seemed to follow me.

"How was the choir thing, then?" He asked, opening the fridge door without asking and pulling out a can of juice. I rolled my eyes at him, to which he returned with a cheeky smile. It made my eyes roll again.

I answered anyway. "It was good, thanks. I really enjoyed it."

He cracked open the can. "Has it convinced you how good you are yet?"

I shook my head, laughing on the outside as well and on the inside. Everyone told me, 'wow you have an amazing voice', but I really don't see it. My voice, if anything, is simply average. There is nothing special about it. "I remain unconvinced, Jasper."

He leant on the counter opposite me, while I moved around the kitchen to other cupboards, pulling and putting things on shelves. "Well, then,' he replied after a moment of thought, 'you obviously went to the wrong place. I mean, didn't they tell you how good you were?"

I nodded, still looking at different packets. I'm sure I didn't pick up peanuts… "Well, yeah. They did. And they were pretty surprised when I started singing. But for all I know it could be because I was so out of tune." I shrugged.

He slapped my back. "Nonsense."

I turned to him, and he knew my reply. "Common sense."

That was our thing.

And then the bell rang again, minus me nearly dropping things on my feet, and literally jumping into the air. I moved towards the door, until Jasper's hand caught my forearm. "I'll get it."

"Thanks, Jas." I smiled as he slid up to the door, opening it far enough for me to see…

Alice?

She began to stutter as she saw Jasper looming over her. She also blushed, which could only mean that she was attracted to him. I smiled wider. People were always saying, 'why aren't you dating Jasper? He's hot!', but I never got it. I see him purely as a friend, and nothing more. He'd one of my best friends. I'd never trade that in for the hope of love. I've never thought of him that way, anyway.

But as I look more ad more into the picture of Jasper standing next to short little, pixie-like Alice, I knew something was going on. She was smiling wide, and stuttering when she talked. And Jasper hadn't seemed to realise he was supposed to bring her inside.

Time for me to step in.

I walked through the living room, on the way to the hall, calling, 'Jas? Who is it?' while I walked. I then entered the hall, and smiled at Alice as I saw her.

"Alice! What a pleasant surprise."

She smiled as she saw me, yet her eyes kept drifting back to Jasper, who seemed to be mesmerised by this small human. Granted, she was completely cute.

I gestured between them. "Jasper, this is my friend Alice, from choir. Alice, this is my _friend_ Jasper." I emphasized the word 'friend' for her benefit, and when she realised her blush rose into her cheeks even deeper. I quickly took her and Jasper into the house.

She sat down on the couch, and Jasper sat beside her. I could tell that getting them to part ways tonight might be a little tricky. I smiled at Alice. "What brings you here?"

"I just thought I'd pop by and say hi. I never really got a chance to talk to you afterwards yesterday, and I wanted to know what you really thought?"

I took my feet under my legs on the chair, and tucked my knees under my chin. "I really enjoyed it, Alice. I'll definitely be coming back next week."

"Great. We definitely need your excellent voice."

Jasper clapped loudly, bringing both me and Alice to attention, and it seemed to alert us to his presence. But he seemed to be smiling for another reason.

"See? I told you. She has an amazing voice doesn't she?"

"Oh yes!" Alice replied.

I sighed, getting to my feet, while their talking continued.

"… such emotion in her voice…"

"… amazing talent…"

"Drinks anyone?" I asked in a feeble hope to stop them talking about me.

"… It's a wonder… not recording yet…"

"… exactly. She writes…"

"DRINKS!" I shouted, and they quietened straight away.

Alice blushed. "Yes. A water, please."

I quickened my pace through to the kitchen. Grabbing a glass, and I filled it with water from the bottle I had on top of the fridge, only to turn around and find their excited faces in my own. I stepped backwards.

"Jasper was telling me you write music." Alice mentioned, and I cursed under my breath.

I glared at him. "Yes, a little."

"Do you compose your own music?"

I could almost see the clogs in Alice's brain working away, trying to find something out about me, and it wasn't a nice thing to know. I seemed to walk backwards, weary, even more.

I stuttered. "Eh, no. I'd… need to play piano-o… for that."

Her eyes shone with excitement. "And do you need taught?"

I eyes them suspiciously. "Yeah…"

She clapped her hands excitedly. "Great! That's even better than great! It's fantastic. I can get you a teacher. Seriously Bella, you should have looked into this before hand. All that talent, and not using it - it's a waste--"

"--That's what I said--" Jasper interjected, but Alice was on a role.

"-- so all you really need is a teacher, and you'll be up and ready. Oh, and I know exactly who will teach you. Aww. You two would look cute together."

I slammed the hand that wasn't holding the water down on the counter top. "HOLD ON! Who is going to teach me?"

She smiled. "My brother, of course."

-.-.-

**A/N; Haha. And that, is how this story is going to get going! I keep getting reviews from people saying, 'Where is Edward? We're dying without him?'. Well, die no longer, for he will be in the picture very soon!**

**Thanks for all the wonerful reviews I got last chapter, and I'm sorry I took my time with this chapter. I'd really love some more of those fantabulous reviews!**


	8. Seven

**My Beautiful Disaster**

**Chapter Seven.**

The tips of his fingers ran along the thin rim of the glass he was holding. His chair, positioned near the door, had his eyes glued, and he waited as patiently as he could for his sister to come back. He was almost jumping in his seat. The glass jiggled in his shaking hand as he waited. A smile stayed on his face as he sat, his eyes locked on the door knob he wished would turn. He couldn't wait for Alice to arrive home. He had to play 'Bella'.

After she had left he had become overly determined to finish the piece he had written. As soon as he put the name on the piece on the top of the page, and million notes and chords seemed to fly into his brain, connecting with the already formed music. It seemed to fit so beautifully, almost as if he was meant to write this piece. He hadn't written such a piece in so long. He had time to write music, but nothing ever sparked such interest for him before. The music formed without him thinking. All he had to think of was 'Bella' and even the name gave him a vast trail of notes to exercise and follow. It was magic, what was happening in his mind, and he wondered briefly what was doing it. He had never met this Bella before, wasn't sure if he ever would - but there was an unseen connection there, with her faceless name. And it seemed to lead him in directions he never knew existed.

This new found knowledge made him more than enthusiastic about using his 'new' talent. He kept his feet firmly on the floor as to not let them walk to the piano he had been sitting at all day. He'd hardly eaten, afraid that if he moved the brainwave he was having would disappear. He dreaded waking up tomorrow and finding that none of this was real.

He closed his eyes, sleep wanting to wrap him up but he refused. He quickly shot his eyes open once more when the image appeared. It had been over a month since he'd seen the woman in the car, and somehow he still found himself thinking of her. Her upset features and the anger in her face; it still caused him pain. He had no connection with this woman, would probably never see her again, but something kept her image locked in tightly in his brain. It annoyed him that he didn't know her; know her story. Night after night he would think up plausible problems that would cause such hurt to appear on a face, but he never came up with one that struck a chord. He wanted to forgot her, had tried many times to. But something stopped him, or rather he couldn't stop himself.

The sudden jolt of a key in the door alerted him, and his body straightened fast. Alice walked in the door, her tiny feet dancing across the floorboards as she cam into view. From the large expressive smile on her face, he knew something had happened - something to make her truly happy.

All thoughts of playing the piece flittered from his brain the moment he saw that smile. For he'd seen it before, so many times. And it had always fallen sometime after. It was… A Guy.

"What happened?" He asked cautiously.

She kept smiling, the thought that he was worried apparently never crossed her skilled mind as he dropped her coat onto a coat hook, kicked off her shoes. The radiant smile that brought a glow to her dainty features never failed. She looked directly at him, sparks flying in her eyes. It was so obvious, but yet she still tried to fool him.

She shrugged rather too enthusiastically. "Nothing." She tried to speak in an even tone, but it didn't really work.

Then she floated into the living room, her footsteps muted as she danced over the carpeted floor. Edward was hot on her heels. He wouldn't let her get away with this, this time.

She sat down at the table, running her fingers along the small lines decorating the wood. He sat down next to her, his eyes boring into her face, which she kept down to the table. "Who is he?"

Her eyes shot upwards, a wary look in her eyes. She knew what he could do; knew the damage he'd done to the others that had hurt her before. She didn't particularly want to tell Edward about this guy, because Jasper was special, and he was so… gentle. It seemed like he wouldn't hurt a fly.

A wistful look set across her face, and somewhere deep inside Edward, he sighed. His shoulders relaxed, for he realised that although she had been hurt many times, and had thought herself in love many times, he'd never seen her so… glowing before. All the other times she'd been hectic, frantic with excitement. The nameless guy he had yet to know anything about seemed to have warmed her heart so much, that all the anxieties melted away from her, just at the thought of him. This calmed Edward considerably.

He laid his large, warm hands palm down on the table. And edged them towards his sister, eventually putting his palms over hers. She looked up with a smile, but still didn't mutter a word.

He would start slowly.

"Does he have a name?" He asked cheekily. Normally she would have slapped his hands away by now, but her smile just grew and grew, images of the guy floating across her eyes. It was heart-warming to watch.

She nodded. "Jasper", was all she divulged.

He cocked his head to the side. "Age?"

"24."

Edward nodded. Alice was only 21, but three years didn't make a difference. He was almost 25 himself. Only one year younger. He couldn't do much harm.

His eyebrows closed together, a look of confusion covering his beautiful face. Worry wrapped around Alice's body, afraid that he would object to Jasper. She'd only known him a few hours, but they had been absolutely perfect. Edward couldn't ruin this for her.

He finally, to Alice's relief, explained his confusion. "I thought you were meeting up with Bella today,' For a second his thoughts drifted to the music he had created, and he sighed letting his brain follow the enchanting notes. Then he shook himself back to Earth. 'How did you meet Jasper if you were with Bella?"

Alice seemed to breathe now. "Jasper is Bella's best friend. He was at her house when I arrived. He opened the door. It was just… magical."

He looked at his sister, love written in his gorgeous eyes. Something in him decided that this guy, Jasper, was a good guy. He didn't need to worry - for Alice could look after herself. The other guys had been jerks, but this guy… seemed, from what he was hearing… okay.

He swing around his chair, ready to get Alice to listen to his piece. And then a thought sprang into his mind. "Will I ever meet this Jasper guy?"

She rolled her eyes at him like he was stupid. And then she looked down. "I'm not sure if anything will come of it, really. We've only just met. And I don't even know if he's already with someone…" She dragged off, not wanting to tear up with her brother there.

Truth was she'd never felt like this before. Right now, she had the urge to run back to Bella's house and spring straight into his arms, just to be close to Jasper - a person who would have been a stranger only hours before. She felt safe with his presence around; something she'd never felt before with other guys. And they had a link; a bond, that she knew wouldn't easily be shattered. But whether she'd ever see him again was uncertain. She wanted to, but he might not feel the same way. She was somewhat tied with her feelings binding her.

Edward came a hugged her from behind. "Tosh. Of course he loved you, why wouldn't he? He'd be a fool not to. You're sweet, cute, caring, kind, and amazing. If he failed to notice that, he isn't human."

She began to giggled. "Be serious, Edward."

"I am. If he doesn't feel it now, he will soon."

She turned and hugged him more securely. Breathing in his familiar scent, she suddenly felt tired. It had been a long but eventful day. Edward's eyes saw hers start to drop.

She shook her awake, and she groaned. "No, no,' he said, lifting her from the chair and putting her wobbly legs on the flooring. 'I've got something to play to you. 'Bella', in fact. I thought you'd be curious…"

As soon as the name of the piece was mentioned, her eyes lit up once more - this time with excitement and curiosity. Edward laughed, and started to lead the way to his piano.

Once there, he sat down on the seat, letting his fingers gently rest on the keys. In his head, the name Bella repeated, and the notes he had played for hours today came flooding back to him in a tidal wave. He relaxed completely, feeling Alice by his side watching, and let the notes and music ripple over him. Then he began to play.

Alice watched as his eyes closed and the feeling of the music took over him. She'd watched him play hundreds of times, more than she could remember. But the more she watched, the more relaxed and confident he felt as he played. Her breath was taken away by the emotion he dropped note by note into the piece. She almost gasped, but held in in for fear of distracting him. He looked like he was a million miles away, on a planet of his own. Once single tear ran down her cheek as she watched this beautiful moment. It felt special; only meant for her eyes. She was prided to have a brother like him.

He finished, the last note echoing over the cool coloured walls. His eyes flickered open a moment after the note rang out, and his hands landed on his lap. He turned to his sister - a person who's opinion had always mattered - and felt happiness spread as he looked in her eyes.

"That was… amazing, Edward." She stuttered.

He sighed. "Thank you."

Her face lit up. "Bella would absolutely love it, you know." There was an evil spark in her eye, which went unnoticed by her usually so observant brother.

He looked down, his eyes glancing back at the keys he had played moments before. "Ha. Maybe. But that's if I meet her, of course."

Alice footsteps were heard leaving the room, presumably to go to her bedroom; a place she'd wanted so much before hearing the piece. She left, but called out as she walked away, "Oh, you will Edward!"

"When?" Curiosity at who her friend was sparked in him.

He heard a small laugh. "Tomorrow. When you tutor her piano!"

He heard her footsteps quicken as Edward's brain caught up with what she had just said. He jumped in the air, and then ran in the direction Alice had just left.

"ALICE!"

Her giggled were heard all the way upstairs.

-.-.-

I stand outside the door to Alice's house 15 minutes early. I am always early when I am nervous. It's just one of the many weird things I do. I stand just before the steps, rolling back ont eh balls of my feet, wondering if I'll ever feel brave enough to take steps up to the door. I sigh, how hard can it be? Completely un-hard. So, with the little courage I have, I climb the five steps and stand directly in front of the door. My hand reaches for the doorbell, but I hesitate.

Damn you, Alice Cullen!

I didn't want to do this, you know. I never asked for this. I never once mentioned to Alice, 'by the way, I write music and really need to play piano. Do you have anyone to teach me?'. I was forced, namely by Alice, and my love struck friend Jasper. I was actually pushed out the door this morning, on strict instructions that I had to go, and not go somewhere else I pretend I went.

I look around hesitantly. No-one was around. I looked up at the many windows connected to Alice's house. I couldn't see anyone looking out for me. I could run.

Then I shook my head.

I'm not running away from problems - made lovingly by other people - this time. I stand my ground, check my watch, but still don't press the bell.

Alice is a wonderful friend to have. Apart from Jasper, I've never had a really great friend. She just brings out the best in me, I suppose, and I can feel that we'll be life long friends. And I truly appreciate that she wants to help me. But really? Does she had to get her brother to give me lessons? Is it really necessary? I mean, sure, he brother sounds like a nice guy from what I was told. But I'm sure if I looked I could get another teacher…

Okay, who am I kidding. I have one reason for not wanting to do this.

It's all going too fast. I've wanted to have a career in music for years, literally. I've been singing since I was five. I've been writing lyrics since I was ten. And this is something I really want to do. On that day Charlie told me he wanted me to sing as a career, that just got the ball rolling. As soon as Jasper found out he was overly supportive. The only thing that was stopping me from going further was the fact I had nothing to play; nothing to put music to lyrics with. Now, I almost do. I just started thinking about doing it as a career, and suddenly it's on top of me. I want time. Problem is, time doesn't want me.

The door opened, bringing me from my thoughts.

I tried not to look dazed, thankful it was only Alice.

She smiled widely. "I've been watching you for the last ten minutes. I kept thinking, okay, she'll press that bell in a minute. And then you didn't. Were you ever gonna come in?"

I laughed, trying unsuccessfully to hide the lush that no doubt appeared. "Yeah, I was just…"

She laughed, urging me through the door. "Come on - just get in!"

I was lead into a large hall, where Alice took my coat and hung it on a rail. I tried not to stare at the obvious glamour of her house, and tried not to think about what she must have thought when arriving at my shabby flat yesterday. I took those thoughts quickly out of my mind, surprisingly quite eager to start learning. I flexed my fingers.

"Are you ready to learn the wonderful art of piano playing? From my extraordinarily talented brother?" While he words swept into my ears, her arm slipped into mine and she guided my through many corridors, right into the heart of her house.

Knots started to tie in my stomach, and that horrible feeling of knowing you'll never be good enough sunk in. I felt like running out that door, leaving my coat behind to do the piano playing for me. This was useless, I was never going to be able to do it! But something inside told me it was something I must do.

"Yep. Give me what you've got." I laughed, and she laughed with me.

-.-.-

Edward sat waiting at the piano. He was breathing deeply, trying to rid the nerves that were building up. Ten minutes ago he'd heard someone outside. He'd slid into place at the piano, waiting for the doorbell to ring. It never did - he considered that he was hearing things. But then he heard Alice's quick, light footsteps running down the stairs, along the hall and to the door. The small squeak had alerted him to the door being pulled open. And then he'd heard it.

Her voice.

It was something angels would be proud of. It was sweet, like honey, and dripped off her tongue, even though he couldn't see her. She had stuttered at first, but even that was buttery. He felt himself melt inside. But soon after, the nerves returned to torment him.

He wondered what she would be like. Bella, the woman who's name gave him music. She was enchanted, surely. There was something completely special, he knew, and couldn't wait to meet her.

Their footsteps neared the door, and he fidgeted. Standing, he fixed his appearance quickly, and then look up, just as the door opened.

Once look at her face, and his dreams and nightmares came true.

He almost gasped.

He tried not to look too shocked.

Alice looked at him expectantly. She shook her head at him, telling him to introduce himself. In the end Alice did the introductions. "Bella, this is my brother Edward. Edward,' she announced louder than any other word in the sentence. 'this is Bella."

He struck out his hand, putting on his best smile and trying not to think that this was the same woman he'd seen a month ago. The same woman he'd had visions of. The same woman he'd tried to escape from. The same woman who he felt the need to know, was somehow in his room, in his house, near enough to touch. Yeah, it wasn't working.

She looked at him hesitantly, a look of confusion in her eyes, presumably because of the shock he had produced at her sight. He smiled once more, encouraging her not to think the worst. It seemed to work; she gave him the most breathtaking smile he'd ever seen. Sliding her hand into his large one, she felt the spark. One look at him and she knew he'd felt it too.

"Come over to the piano, and we'll begin with the basics." He stated warmly.

She agreed; she'd agree to anything that he said.

He was gorgeous.

**A/N; I wasn't sure of how to end this chapter, so I ended it here. I want to apologize so much about the lateness of this chapter. I'm so sorry, but I've been so busy with exams etc. that writing hasn't really been on my list of things to do. I've written the longest chapter of this story so far, though, to hopefully make up for it. I only have one more exam to do, so after that there will be more regular updates. Again, I'm really sorry for having you wait.**

**I hope this is sufficient enough for you. I enjoyed writing this, especially he interaction between Edward and Alice. I'm loving the brotherly side of Edward. It's cute.**

**Anyways, please review this chapter. Reviewing makes me want to write more, so the next chapter will be up sooner if you drop me a nice little review. Just click that lovely large box...**


	9. Eight

**My Beautiful Disaster**

**Chapter Eight.**

I was quite enthralled by the way my fingers moved over the keys. I was slow, but that was expected. It amazed me that someone as clumsy as myself could actually play piano. Or do the basics, which was what he was teaching me now. I'd been here for the last three hours, not even stopping for a break. It seemed my fingers were attached to the instrument now; I'd fallen in love with the piano, beyond a doubt.

I'd always wanted to learn how to play. Even from a young age I'd been interested in music. I'd asked for lessons, but because we were short on money I'd never had the chance. And now I was learning, as we speak, and I'd never felt so wonderful. Playing made something inside me break free. It didn't matter that I had been playing nursery rhymes a few hours ago, and had only started to move onto other more complex pieces. I still felt like I was doing well. It helped that I already had the ability to read music. Charlie used to play the guitar, and had taught me, passing on his love for music presumably.

A few hours ago I was afraid to come into this large house to learn. If I'd known how much I would enjoy myself I wouldn't have hesitated in the slightest. My teacher, Edward, was amazing. He'd played a few short pieces to me, and had blown me off my feet. I guessed me would be good, being able to teach and all, but I never imagined him to be able to tug at my heart strings just by a flow of flawless notes.

I can feel him behind me now, watching with a critical musical eye. It made me nervous, but now I am comfortable. After I made a few mistakes, he took me under his wing and helped me. Now, with only three hours experience I already feel more welcomed by him. He is an excellent teacher, and made me feel special. I feel as if I've known him already. It obviously helps that he is heartbreakingly gorgeous.

I nearly fainted when his green eyes started twinkling. I had to stop myself from staring. He seemed to be the human version of chocolate; I just can't get enough. I keep looking at him, constantly. He eyes are the thing I notice the most. One of the first things I saw was how once he was sat at the piano stool, with his fingers balanced on the ebony keys, his eyes brightened. If I hit a wrong note they'd turn an amusing shade of emerald. They seemed to change with every emotion he feels, and it's enchanting to watch.

He'd taken me forward to the piano, getting me to sit next to him on the stool. He'd closed his eyes - unfortunately - and then he had paused for effect, leaving me waiting. His talented digits seemed to pounce on the keys, taking any control they had away from them. He played them the way they should be played. The loudest parts made me excited; the quietest part making my heart ache. He was perfect, controlling the music and making it everything a good piece of music should be: tantalizing.

Then it had been my turn. He'd started off with basic chords, then moved onto small nursery rhymes, then showed me how to incorporate my right hand for the melody. We hadn't moved onto writing pieces yet - something I was very eager to do. That's the thing. Now that I'm learning, I suddenly have all the tunes in my head for the songs I have created. I want to write them down now, but I'll wait patiently. I'm finally on the road to my career. I'll wait all day If there's a chance of fulfilling my dream.

"You're playing incredibly well for a first timer." His voice was, no pun intended, music to my ears. It was a wonder I'd not been knocked out yet. From his voice to his music, I really should be on the floor. Once his words registered, that damn blush I possess started to creep up my neck as usual. I really wish I could control that.

I smiled up at him as I carefully took my hands off the keys they seemed to now be magnetised to. My blush still radiated in my cheeks. "Thank you. I'm already a piano lover, and it's only been three hours."

His laugh warmed the entire room, and I couldn't help but watch his God-like face as it lit up. He was like a kitten; had those enchanting eyes that could hold yours for hours, and you felt an undeniable need to stroke it. I wanted to run my hands through his copper locks, check to see if they really are as soft as they look. I quickly drew my eyes away, afraid of getting caught. That wouldn't do; he was Alice's brother.

He sat down again beside me, his shoulder gently rubbing against mine. The heat I felt was… strange. Such strange feelings I'd been feeling all day. I looked to him, and he looked to me. "Yet, there is still so much for you to learn." He gave me a special surprise - his cheeky grin.

I sighed, flexing my fingers to stop them from getting stiff. "What have you got for me?"

He turned to me fully. "What about lunch first?"

Right on cue, embarrassingly, my stomach rumbled. My blush heightened; it seemed to want to stay permanently on my face. He laughed, and then stood up, with me following him on the way to the kitchen. I didn't realize I was so hungry until he had mentioned it. Playing, my mind was so full with instructions and notes, there wasn't room for me to think of food.

We stepped into possibly the largest kitchen I had ever seen. It was filled with mahogany cabinets and counter tops, gleaming like they were freshly laid. In the middle of the room was a small metal table for two, which looked like it should be on a patio or balcony, but fitted perfectly here with their numerous stainless steel appliances. My fingers swept across the counter tops, getting a feel for the room. It was magnificent. My mother can't cook for toffee, but she'd definitely love this.

I turned around to see Edward watching me getting acquainted to my surroundings. Blushing, I stood beside the fridge, waiting for him to begin to cook. I'd never been one to sit down and not help. At home, even when I was thirteen I was always cooking dinner. Learning from such a young age, I've never thought of sitting down and watching someone else cook if I was planning on eating it.

His eyes glanced away from mine after a few seconds. He appeared to not have been affected by the moment we had between us, but my heart of beating faster than normal. I'm surprised he didn't hear it. Such strange feeling inside me…

"…to eat?"

I shook my head. "Sorry?"

He smiled crookedly at me, momentarily stunning me. "Is soup okay for you to eat?"

I smiled widely. Soup plus Edward. Yum.

"Sure. Thanks."

-.-.-

Edward stood over the stove in his and Alice's kitchen, watching the woman beside him chomp on a bread stick. He smiled as one of the crumbs slid down her top, and she searched, the blush that he thought was glorious coming onto her cheeks again. The light began to glint off the necklace that she wore: a small gold cross which landed neatly on her collar bone. It was beautiful, just like her. He caught her eyes, and she seemed to smile after second. It seemed they couldn't take their eyes off each other.

He stirred the soup in circles as he thought about today. Yesterday he'd felt the same as any other day. He'd gotten up, dressed, played, eat, and slept. That was his normal routine. And then suddenly, Bella entered his life, and he felt new, refreshed. He'd taught her as if she was just any student. But she was far from any other student he had taught. The skill she had but never knew existed - it was great to watch her progress. And he couldn't believe that she was the same woman…

The same woman he'd seen in his dreams.

This was really surreal for him. The woman he'd thought endlessly about for months was really here, and in his house. He felt like he was hallucinating, and this really wasn't happening. For this to happen, and he'd only seen her once before. Truthfully, he'd never seen this coming. He knew the population of Forks, and for the one girl who was friends with his sister to be the one who's image that been flittering in his brain… it was beyond a joke.

But this one he couldn't laugh at. He felt it was some sort of sign. He knew this wasn't just some twist of fate; it was meant to happen. He wanted to know more, but had to let her divulge the information he craved. It he pushed it to hard, she'd never return and the feelings he was feeling was something he didn't want to go away. So he'd have to start slow and build up a friendship. Maybe then, as they hopefully grew closer, he'd be able to find out what had put that troubled look on her face that day.

"Edward, I think it's done now."

He shook his head, coming back from his thoughts and looked at the soup which was about to boil over. Quickly he moved the pot from the stove, turning off the heat, and separated the think liquid into two bowls. Laying them on the table, they sat down and began to eat.

"So how long have you wanted to play?" He asked, eager to know more about this interesting woman, currently sitting in front of him eating her soup.

She smiled at the thought of music, and he smiled just because she did. "I think it was when I was little. My father was always into music, playing it around the house and himself. That was when I first began to adjust, and then the rest is history. But I've wanted to play piano for ages too. Music is my passion, singing is my passion. And if I can put music to the lyrics I've written, I'm half way there already."

Edward nodded, stirring his soup before bringing the spoon to his mouth and feeling the hot liquid burn as it went down his throat. "You sound really passionate, and ready."

She nodded. "I feel like I am. I've waited my whole 22 years of life for this. I want it so badly. It's what I feel I'm supposed to do.' She took another spoonful, then put her spoon back in the bowl, leaning forward with her arms propped on the table. 'What about you, Edward? When did you start to enjoy music?"

He paused for a second, gathering his answer. "I'm not sure. I just feel it. I need it, like the air I breathe. It wasn't something I chose to enjoy - it chose me. I've been playing ever since my parents bought me a piano. It's just in my blood to play, I guess."

She stirred her soup again. "Wow."

His eyebrows knitted together. "Wow, what?" He asked, his smile aching at his sides of his mouth. She was infectious, with all her smiling making him smile too.

And there is was again, her smile. "You and Alice are quite similar."

He shook his head. "No we aren't."

"Yeah, you are. Not in the way you are, but in the way you are motivated. Granted, I've only known Alice for like, two days or something, but I'm usually pretty good at theses things. I see her in you, in the way that you are so enthusiastic about your music. It's wonderful, really. Alice, she's enthusiastic about life in general. Sometimes I feel like she needs a restraining order, just to calm her down."

His laughter boomed.

-.-.-

Alice heard Edward's laughter from her room, all the way upstairs. As soon as it reached her ears, she smiled. It seemed that they were perfectly matched. She'd never heard Edward so happy until she came in the door, about four hours ago. It seemed like as soon as he had heard her name, something had sparked. He'd written the most beautiful music she'd ever written, and named after the girl she'd just met the day before.

What was happening was exciting. She couldn't think of anything else.

Well, except Jasper.

Her dreams had been full of him and his gorgeous blonde hair she just wanted to touch. He'd been holding her all the time in his arms, and it had felt lovely. Then she had woken up and realised it was only a dream and not real. She wished it had been real. She felt like they really had some connection. Meeting him again was on the top of her priority list.

Edward's laughter boomed again, and then she heard the soft clatter of bowls being put into the sink. Rising, she checked the clock and then decided to join the fun.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she burst out laughing. This alerted Edward and Bella, who both turned around sheepishly, one with the biggest blush on their cheeks she had ever seen. She tried to muffle her giggles with his hand. It didn't work.

"What are you doing?" She asked, breathing deeply so not to laugh.

Both were covered from the face down to their chests with bubbles. They were sticking to their hair, and faces making them look like they'd just come back from a very bubbly bath. Edward smiled despite himself, finding the situation humorous now too. "Um… washing the dishes?"

Alice nodded, moving towards the fridge. "Yep. Because washing the dishes results in that." She pointed all over Bella's face.

Bella looked indignant. "Uh-huh. We were pouring the bubbles into the water, and them he splashed me, and then I splashed him…" She trailed off, then began laughing.

Alice shook her head as she watched the two of them interact. What a pair!

A few hours later, when it was heading towards tea time, Bella announced she would have to leave. They asked if she wanted to stay for tea, but she refused, insisting she really wanted a shower. Bubbles on her hair apparently wasn't her favourite look. She collected her coat and bag, flexing her fingers to stop them from freezing. She'd done so much playing today she wasn't surprised if they would seize up! After wrapping her coat around her, she fumbled in her purse, Edward's eyes lingering on her every movement - he found her fascinating. Alice watched with curious eyes as she saw the way Edward looked at her new friend.

Eventually Bella found her purse. "How much will that be then?"

Edward refused immediately. "No Bella. There is no need to pay. It was a pleasure."

Bella blushed. "But seriously…"

He held up his hand. "The first lesson is always free, anyway."

She eyed him suspiciously, then gave in. "Well then. Thanks. But would you please come to dinner so I can say thanks. Say Wednesday? After choir?" She shot a hopeful look at Alice, who nodded enthusiastically.

"And Jasper will probably come to." She added, and both her and Edward watched as Alice's face lit up. Bella smiled. "That's settled then."

Edward's crooked grin appeared. "We'd love to."

"Great. I'll see you around." Bella answered as she opened the door.

Edward and Alice watched as she disappeared into the night, along the road in the direction of her own home.

Alice smiled, and then cheekily said, "Free first lesson my ass, Edward."

Edward couldn't help but grin.

**A/N; Shorter than last chapter, but I tried really hard to write this. This needed to have all necessary thought and feelings from quite a few of the main characters - and I hope it did that. Next chapter will probably be choir and the dinner.**

**It's my birthday tomorrow, so I'll not be updating then. Until next week probably. But for this chapter I'd really like to hit over 50 reviews? Please?**

**JUST REVIEW!**

**:)**


	10. Nine

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Nine.**

It was three days since I had had my first piano lesson, and already I was itching to get my hands back on those keys. It was clear how addictive something could get. The way that the music formed from the notes was one of the most enjoyable things to watch and do. I find myself wondering why I hadn't saved up enough money and paid for lessons before. I can't imagine mot learning to play now that I have been given the chance. I'll have to remember to thank Alice later.

Talking of Alice, I had a phone call from her this morning. She told me very quickly, because she was meeting up with her friend… Rosalie? Well, that choir practice had been moved to today, instead of later in the week, due to the leader going on holiday. I then offered to have the tea tonight. That was why I was visiting my father this morning, instead of in the afternoon. This afternoon would be filled with high notes and high shopping prices.

I'm currently walking down the numerous bland hospital halls in search of my father. It usually didn't take this long to find him, as he'd been in the same area of the hospital. But now he was well on the way to a full recovery - thankfully - he had been shifted to another section of Forks Hospital, so give room for people with more urgent needs.

I walked through the halls, reading endlessly on the miniature map they had given me in reception. It was useless; I'd be better trying to find it without one. So after looking at it for a second longer, I stuffed it back into my bag, and carried on with my journey. I was right after all, about being able to find it quicker on my own. I followed direction after direction, eventually coming to Ward 40. I stepped through the large blue double doors, hearing them swing to a halt behind me. I checked the large white board in the small reception, trying to find my father's name, and which bed and room he would be in. My fingers followed the table, watching various names disappear from my views as I scanned. Finally, I found Charlie Swan, Room 6, Bed 3. Smiling, I began to turn around.

Only to be met by a nurse.

"Good morning, I'm Angela. Are you Isabella Swan?"

I looked at this woman in front of me, with her smiling face and shining eyes. She looked so friendly, like you could trust her with anything. She looked like an angel.

I smiled back. "Yes, that's me."

She smile seemed to widen. "Great. I'm glad you could find us. We moved your father, and when we were told you were coming today, you father was hoping you wouldn't get lost. She said it as though it was something you did often." She giggled, and I couldn't help but join in. It was infectious.

I shrugged, laughing. "Well, you know. We all have our faults - mines are my ability to get lost, and my lack of balance."

"My boyfriend, Ben, tells me I smile too much. That must be my crime."

We laughed together, relishing in the moment. I'd never met her before but felt such a friendly connection between us. "I'm sorry,' I smiled. 'I didn't catch what you did."

She playfully smacked the palm of her hand against her forehead in a forgetful gesture. Then she smiled once more. I understand what her boyfriend was meaning. "Sorry. How silly of me. I'm your father's nurse. His new nurse, since he was moved here. I've been helping him with his physiotherapy as well as his basic needs. He's not a talker, really, but lovely all the same. Sometimes the quieter one's are easier to work with."

I nodded, and then realised that we were moving down the corridor. She began speaking once more, excitement clear in her voice. It was obvious she loved her job very much. "I also have some good news to share with you. That's why I approached you in the first place. Of course, being me, I'd go off in a completely different direction to my original plan." I smiled, chuckling. "I have talked to your father's doctor, and he says that your Dad will be able to leave later next week."

I clapped my hands together, with both shock and joy. Tears sprung to my eyes as I realised that my father was well enough to step outside into the world again. Just the thought of him when I first saw him made my cry. I never would have thought that this day would come, but thankfully it has, and I am overly grateful. We had gone from death's door, to going out the hospital door. It was magic of the best kind that had let this happen.

I felt one tear escape from the confines of my eyes onto my cheek. "Really?" I didn't believe the words she was saying. Even though I wished deeply they were true.

She smiled once more. "Yes. We made absolutely sure your father was almost completely recovered, did more tests, and then made the decision. Later next week, your father is free to go."

I turned to her and hugged her tightly. I couldn't thank her enough for this. It wasn't her personally that had done everything to make me father recover, but I felt it was an appropriate gesture. I stepped back, drying my eyes, and thanked her once more.

Then I continued down the corridor in search of my father to give him the good news.

When I opened the ward door, I met my father's tired eyes almost instantly. I smiled the biggest smile to date. Walking quicker I rounded the side of his hospital bed, and landed a kiss on his forehead. He smiled up at me, the sides of his eyes wrinkling. "Someone's happy today." He stated.

I nodded enthusiastically. "Yep. And you're about to be happy too."

He looked up at me eagerly. "Really?"

I smiled widely. "Yes. Guess who is able to come home later next weekend? Hmmm. I wonder who it could be? Could it be my wonderful father?!"

He smiled up at me, joy shining in his eyes. I could tell that hospital had been a strain on him. He was a police officer. Granted, Forks wasn't the busiest town, but he was always on his feet. Here, he'd been allowed to walk around, but only when supervised. The nurses here had all the other patients to deal with, so walking time was scarce. I felt sorry for him. But now I saw how that desperation had filtered into happiness, and I couldn't help but smile too. If he was happy, so was I.

He popped a grape into his mouth. "That's great, Bells, really great. I can't wait to get home."

I held his hand. "I know. It's been hard on you, but you'll get out soon. I can't wait to have you in walking distance again. Having to see you in here, hasn't been the easiest thing. I missed you being just along the road."

"I missed seeing you so often too. But I realise you have other commitments, Bells. You're 22. You're bound to have other things to do rather than visiting your old Dad. Talking of other things, how is choir going?"

I smiled at the thought of the hobby I'd learnt to love. "It's excellent, truly Dad. I'm having the best time. It's so fulfilling, and I've made some great friends. Alice - you'd love her. She's amazing. And she's got the hots for Jasper too."

My father chuckled. "Well, it's about time someone fancied him. I never got why you two didn't get together Bells. I still think you'd make a great couple…"

I quickly silenced him. "No Dad. No matter how much you put us through, we were still not a couple by the end of it. We're great friends, and I don't see him that way. I'll meet a guy when I'm ready."

He patted my hand. "I'm sure you will."

Why did Edward's face flash into my head just then?

-.-.-

I walked through the doors of Forks Church to see everyone looking at me. They all smiled, and I smiled back as I took off my jacket and hung it up beside a very designer label one, which I knew was Alice's. I searched the room for my new but good friend, and saw her waving at me fromt eh other side of the room. Putting my bag beside hers, I walked over to her.

I gave her a side hug. "Hey Alice."

"Hi Bella." She hugged me back and as usually I was surprised by the strength she had. For someone so small, it was quite amazing.

She took a bottle of water from the table she as standing by, and I followed suit. Gradually while chatting we travelled over to our usual seats, picking up the booklets laid down on top of them. Sitting together in a comfortable silence, we scanned through the booklet, and then my eyes stopped.

"No. Way."

Alice smiled awkwardly. "Yeah, I was wondering when you'd see that."

My eyes narrowed at her. "You knew about this, Alice! That is very mean. I mean, I'm doing a solo on my second time here, and you didn't even think to tell me!"

She stroked my arm comfortingly. "It'll be fine. I wouldn't have asked for you to have this solo if I didn't think you could handle it."

My eyes widened. "You put me up for this? Alice! You'd better hope you don't get poisoned tonight, Alice, for you are in serious trouble."

She sighed. "Look, I only did it because I love you. Over the past week I have known you I feel like we are already sisters, Bella. I've never had a sister, and you are taking on that role. I want what's best for you, and I know for a fact that singing is where you belong. This is a chance to build on the confidence you lack. We all know you are the best singer here, Bell."

I looked at her, watching as her sincere words fell easily off her tongue. For a slight moment I wondered if she had rehearsed this speech, but then I remembered how lovely she is, and knew she wouldn't do this. I know she meant well. But singing in public was hard for me, let alone doing a solo. Did she know what she was doing to me by putting me up for this? Humiliation, for sure.

But I couldn't make Alice upset. An upset Alice wouldn't be right. And as usual, I couldn't say no. I just sighed, and then nodded, hearing Alice's excited claps and feeling her jumps in her seat beside me. I looked back at her, and smiled. You could only be mad at her for so long. Like, a few seconds.

After a few more minutes, all the seats were filled and we were almost ready to go. I could feel the butterflies rise in my stomach, knowing that I'd have to be singing soon. I closed my eyes, trying to rid myself of the horrible feelings in my stomach. I felt Alice attach her hand to mine, and I felt some comfort from that. I smiled, even though my eyes were closed, and I knew she saw that.

Ben, the choir director, who also worked in the church, came up to the front, beside the piano where another man was sitting. He smiled to us all, welcoming us ocne again even thought they were all regulars, excluding me. He began, "Hello All. Today, we're going to try something a little different. I think that what we have done so far has improved our voices so much, but the songs we have sung don't have significance to where we are. So, I was thinking that we could go for a bit of gospel today."

Murmurs went haywire, and all around I could hear the whispers, some of delight others of insecurity. Me, I was happy. I loved Gospel music. There was something to special about that type of music, and it was very soulful; just the sort of thing I liked. It made me more confident about having to do a solo - it would be easier doing it to something I enjoyed.

Ben then turned everyone's attention to me. "Last week, after we had met Bella, I think I speak for everyone when I say that her enthusiasm and talent shines through her voice. So, after some thought and her friend Alice's suggestion, she has been put forward to sign this solo. The rest of you will be backing her, making the music sound more of a choir. Volume, etc."

Many people turned to me wishing me luck. I think most of them were happy it wasn't them. But all gave the encouragement I needed to follow Ben directly to the piano and get the words. I looked over them briefly, finding that this was a song I'd heard before - thankfully. I told this to Ben, and he smiled, silently happy that I wasn't too new to this. I took the words, and stood beside the piano player, waiting for the others to surround me and him. It didn't take very long. Once Ben had given all the sheets of music out, and they were ready, they took their places and waited for their instructions. I wasn't listening too hard, just concentrating on being able to breathe. But I heard my name when it was called. I smiled, reassuring myself.

I heard the introduction play, the notes flying into my head and my eyes following them on the sheet of music I had in front of me, I felt everyone stare at me, given me friendly glances, but I took no notice. I opened my mouth, and everything else drowned out.

_"There's a place, in Heaven_

_Prepared for me_

_When the toils o this life is over_

_When the saints are clothed in white_

_Before the throne_

_Singing praises forever, forever more…"_

I felt awe radiate off of the people behind me, as they filled in the missing notes. It was beautiful to be able to sing together like this. I was actually amazed I hadn't fainted. Yet. There was always still time. I continued none the less.

_"In my fathers house_

_There are mansions bright_

_If he said it_

_Then I know it's true_

_There's a place for me_

_Beyond, beyond the sky_

_Brothers and sisters there's one for you…"_

I readied myself to launch into the chorus, happy to be singing. I could feel myself excite. I was ready; I was supposed to do this. I felt filled with joy when I sang. I was on high - wishing I could be like this forever. Nothing could compare to this feeling.

The pianist played a small section of music, building up to the chorus, where I began again, and the backing vocals got stronger.

_"Jesus he promised me a home over there_

_Jesus promised me a home over there_

_No more sickness, sorrow, pain, because_

_He promised me a home over there…"_

We carried on until the song was complete and we were filled with happiness while we sang. Before the choir I'd never sang with anyone else, let alone did a solo with other people watching. It was terrifyingly brilliant. But as we finished, and everyone congratulated me I realised there had been no need to be so afraid of singing in front and with everyone else. Because they support me, and I felt how much this meant to me and my career in my soul. This was the start of something new.

And so I was filled with a fuzzy feeling inside as I left the church, with Alice going home to change, and me going in the direction of the supermarket.

Tonight, I knew, would be a happy one.

**A/N; This is shorter than the last few chapters I have written, but honestly, I couldn't get the energy to write anymore. The next few days, I am hoping to get more writing etc. done, as I will be off school and at home due to surgery I am having. Hopefully this time will let me get things done. Again, I apologize for the shortness of this. I realise I said that I would have the dinner, but I wanted to prolong it so I can get a better picture of what will happen when it happens. Get it? Good.**

**Now, I'd really like to reach 60 reviews. I try really hard with story, and it is harder for me to write since I have been so engrossed in HSM fanfiction. I really appreciate all I get, but would it be too selfish to ask for a bit more?**

**Next chapter will be quicker if I get to 60 reviews...**

**So go on, press that large button. Down there. :)**


	11. Ten

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Ten.**

He watched her tuck her hair carefully into a rough bun, her glorious stray curls overlapping and spilling everywhere, like water not wanting to be confined. He watched her take her finger to her lips and rub some soft gel over them, making them shine. He watched her adjust her dress, the straps wanting to fall down from her shoulders. He watched her spray perfume on her neck, and if he looked close enough he could almost see the tiny beads of spray trailing down her neck. She was beautiful, there was no doubt about it. And he was watching her perform these rituals to her skin and appearance, helping herself look even more deadly; even more attractive to the limits. Yet he was watching her, and she had no idea.

He'd been here almost an hour, fascinated by the being inside this house. Of course, he was here for a reason - she had invited him to dinner with his sister tonight, and he was looking forward to it; so much that he had arrived an hour and a half earlier than expected.

It had just happened. He hadn't looked at the clock wrong (though that would surely be his excuse if he was found). But something inside him had dragged him here, for a look without others around him. And he was glad that he was watching her alone, because it let him process his feelings without anyone to disturb him. It felt more intimate, more connective to be alone now. It felt as if she knew he was watching, and she was putting on this marvellous show just for him. But he knew this wasn't true; she had no idea anyone was watching her, and would probably freak out if she did.

His hands rested on the steering wheel of his Volvo, his fingers tapping lightly to a tune he hardly knew himself, but would surely be put onto paper later tonight. He rested his head back on the headrest, getting comfortable. The thought that this was slightly ungentleman-like hadn't crossed his mind yet.

He prided himself with his location. There were trees in front of the car, blocking the car partially from view. But through the branches of the trees he could see her form, in front of her bedroom window, with the gentle moonlight streaming in.

Edward knew that this was risky; being found wouldn't put him too high on her list. But he found her captivating, and if she knew just how much he felt for her, she should understand. She had been on his mind for the last three days, the things she did and said circling all the time, leaving him no room for any other appropriate thought. He couldn't escape; he wasn't sure he wanted to either. Caught in the trap again, he was. First in his dreams, now in reality. He felt like he was in a cage.

She had moved.

From his view - the tiny space made by the curious shape of the trees branches - she had disappeared. His breath caught, and he glanced quickly at his watch, seeing he still had at least half an hour until the dinner, and couldn't turn up too early. He didn't want to look too eager. Thankfully for him, Bella appeared again, this time holding earrings up to her ears for attachment. He felt himself sigh. This wasn't good.

The things he felt for her were… unnatural. It wasn't supposed to happen. He'd had his life all planned out, and then she stepped into the picture without permission, messing everything up in a very beautiful manner. He had planned to play piano, make his money, maybe travel the world - all without someone plaguing his mind. Now, it seemed, there was no way for him to get away. She had caught him, body and soul, and there was no way for him to surrender - when he thought deeply about the subject he knew in his deepest heart that he wouldn't want to surrender.

He'd been with her, without her, for so long, being apart would be unbearable. It was enough knowing her from a very large distance, with only her tearful face in his mind. That had been enough; unsettling but enough. And then she had entered, with all her beauty washing away anything he had ever wanting and putting herself in that place. She had become real, not a figment of his imagination and might, but real. She was a person, captivating as she was.

And he'd had to know her better.

He'd let her play the piano with him. He'd let her eat with him. He'd let her get soapy with him. All without knowing that in fact, he was deep in soapy water himself. He cringed, his eyes crinkling, but opening wide not wanting to miss a moment of sight filled bliss without others. He'd never felt this close to someone before, and yet she didn't know how close he felt towards her. She might not even have an inclination for him. He felt his heart fall. That would break him, just a little.

Truth was, he hadn't let himself know what he truly felt for her. He'd properly known her for a few days, but felt like he'd known her all his life. He told himself not to get any deeper, and then he would walk right to the deep end and jump in, just because she was there. She could stand on a cliff, and ask him to jump off. He knew what his answer would be, but wouldn't be alive long enough to say it. He was in Bella's maze, and she didn't know she'd caught him. Maybe never would. Stupid heart.

He began to evaluate what he had realised in the last hour was watching her. He now knew that she drew in him like a fly to a spiders web. He now knew that she had no idea whatsoever was going on in his head and heart, and has just realised that knowing this now may make her dinner quite uncomfortable. And he had realised that he was well and truly caught, with no way of getting anywhere else. He also knew he wouldn't even think of straying, because… his heart wanted him to stay. His heart was leaving him, and drifting to her. He wasn't going to rein it back if it wanted to go. He was well and truly stuck.

"Crap." He muttered.

"Edward! What the hell are you doing here so early?!"

He jumped in his seat, a large blush erupting over his cheeks. He eyed his sister, glaring briefly at making him so startled. "I got the time wrong. I wasn't going to go in there so early and look like an idiot." That was a good enough answer.

Alice's hand pressed into the cars window, making foggy imprints. It wasn't foggy enough to not let Edward see her eyes roll dramatically. "Well, you're only ten minutes early now. So lets go in."

"Alright, alright." He agreed, looking in his mirror briefly as Alice tapped her foot not wanting to wait. He unhooked his seat belt, hearing it slap against the upholstery of the car. She stepped out, greeting his sister as they began to walk.

One longing look back at her window told him she was no longer there.

-.-.-

I stood at the stove with my apron on, watching carefully as I poked the lasagne I had made for them. Little jittery bugs that lay dormant in my stomach had come out to play tonight. I always felt nervous when I had guests, but even more so with my new friends. For one thing, my house could never match up to theirs. Their's was… fancy, but adorable. I doubt you could find mine adorable, but at least it was tidy, if a bit small. And then there was the food. Growing up with my mother, then moving here to live with my father, I had cooked almost every night. But making something for people out of my family line wasn't something I did on a daily basis. I got scared; I might poison them. I hope they have strong stomachs. And then there was the small problem of… Edward, and the fact that I think I had developed a small tin of feelings for him. Tonight is make or break, for everything.

I put the lasagne back in the oven to keep warm while I went into the living room to check the clock. Somehow I had inherited my fathers fishing clock. I don't think he has a clock now. Goodness knows how he tells the time. I checked; I still had ten minutes.

The doorbell rang.

Or not.

I quickly walked through the hall, surprising myself that I didn't trip, and quickly checked my appearance in the hall mirror. I sighed; it'd have to do. If I ever got any serious feelings for Edward, I'm sure he wouldn't even look at me. Miss Plain Jane.

Grasping the door handle, I yanked it open, the cold night air blasting in, almost knocking me off my feet. I smiled, the cold air getting to my cheeks, turning them pink. "Hello. Come in, come in."

I ushered them in, sure they were cold from standing outside so long. I'm glad we didn't have a barbeque or something outdoors, it would have been too cold. I took there coats, hanging them on the pegs beside the door, and then took them into the living room. Alice looked around, and then her growing smile fell. "Jasper will be here shortly. You're early, he likes to be just on time." I answered her silent question, and she blushed, taking a seat on the sofa. I noticed it was the exact same place she had sat when she first met Jasper. Maybe she was hoping he'd appear quicker if things were the same. Alice was obviously love struck.

Edward, was something else all together. He was wearing a blue shirt, no tie, with the arms rolled up to his elbows, and the first two buttons undone. He looked gorgeous - even more so than usual, if possible. He smiled crookedly at me, drawing me in unintentionally, I suppose. It still happened though. Then he sat down in my usual chair, and I sighed - moment over. He was still in my house.

"What a lovely house, Bella." Alice chirped.

I smiled, taking a look around like it was the first time I'd seen the place too. "Thank you. It's small, but it does me. Just myself - no need for a big house."

I checked the fish clock, watching the time for the dinner. I didn't want to give them burnt food. Burnt garlic bread wasn't the nicest thing in the world.

I slapped my head. "Gosh sorry. I'm being so rude. Can I get you anything to drink? I have some red wine, if that would do?"

Edward smiled up at me, momentarily stunning me once again. "Red wine would be fine, wouldn't it Alice?"

Alice turned a rosy pink when she was brought back to the conversation after being caught staring longingly out of the window. She was looking very pretty tonight, and it was clear she'd put a lot of work into her appearance - obviously for Jasper's approval. I wasn't going to be the one to tell her Jasper was already in love with her. He could tell her himself. When he got here, that is.

She smiled shyly. "Yes. Wine will be fine, thanks."

"Great," and I left the room, happy for an excuse to get away from Edward's eyes. It should be a crime to have such eyes and godlike face. It was wrong. It made me feel jelly inside. Jelly and jittery bugs didn't mix, apparently. I was already feeling quite sick.

I took the bottle out of the fridge, finding glasses out of the cupboard and filling them with the red liquid. While I was doing so the doorbell rang, and I almost cursed. However, Alice got there before me, announcing excitedly that she would get it. I smiled, and thought I heard her brother chuckle at her eagerness. I took the glasses into the living room while she was answering the door. Edward was now standing, ready to greet the man who had wiggled his way into his sisters heart. As I put the glasses down I watched his jaw flex, like he was dreading this. I put a hand on his arm, leaning in to whisper, "Jasper wouldn't hurt a fly. Don't worry so much. You'll love him as much as your sister does." That seemed to settle him and earned me a lovely smile. It was a win/win situation. High five Bella!

Glancing at the clock, it had just turned seven o'clock. Always on time. I smiled as Jasper walked through the door, with Alice clinging onto his arm like her life depended on it. I was beginning to think it did. "Bella! What's that I smell?" He boomed in his own way. I could feel Edward at my side softening. He'd soon know that Jasper is a gentle giant.

I laughed. "That would be lasagne, Jas."

She smiled, and then shook hands with Edward. I watched as they exchanged manly looks. Edward's eyes warned him that if he hurt Alice, he would pay. Jasper's eyes told Edward that he would never hurt Alice. They eventually smiled, and I heard a small sigh of relief escape Alice's lips. As I passed her, I grabbed her hand, leading her out of the room, leaving Jasper and Edward to get acquainted.

She smiled. "Gosh, thank God that's over. I mean, Edward means well, and he is very protective of me. I just don't want him to scare Jasper off.' Alice looked up at me shyly from under her lengthened eyelashes. 'I really, really like him, Bella."

"I know you do. Anyone could see that, I just hope that Jasper does." I nodded, and watched her look longingly at the door blocking her from Jasper. To help her, I put some salad in front of her, and she turned resignedly, starting to chop. "Stop staring, Alice. It won't make him come in here quicker."

She sighed; I knew her well already. "I know, I know. I'm just… anxious about what is going on in there. In the past, Edward has been really protective of me towards guys. But I swear, if he wards Jasper off, I'm not going to go along with it so easily this time."

"He's just being your brother."

She looked at me, narrowing her eyes for not taking her side. "Yeah. And I'm a grown up girl. I can make me own decisions. I stand on my own two feet, don't I?"

I finished placing the pieces of lasagne onto plates, and taking Alice's salad into a fresh bowl. I looked at her, "Of course you do.' I replied. 'He just cares. And don't worry. I'm sure they'll get along fine."

Right on cue we heard a large bout of laughing through the door. I saw Alice's face lighten with joy at their reaction, and I smiled also.

Things were going well.

-.-.-

Dinner went down well, and I knew then that I hadn't needed to worry. They all praised my cooking skills, making me blush profusely. I ducked my head every time a compliment flew my way, trying to dodge them. One; the made me blush more, and Two; they weren't needed. I wasn't used to compliments at all.

I was currently washing the dishes. My hands were covered in soap, and to make matters worse Edward was standing beside me drying them. We had decided to give the two lovebirds - who were making love eyes at the table - some space. I was ready to puke at how they were acting towards each other. I didn't know I would react like that, but then again Jasper hasn't been one of relationships, hence why I didn't know how he would be with Alice. It seems they are made for each other. I glanced at Edward, his messy locks sweeping into his eyes without him flinching. I wish I could be so lucky…

He caught my eyes, and we laughed.

I had the sudden urge to spray him with soapy water, bring back the memories of the last time we were doing dishes. Evidently, my eyes give everything away, and he caught my wrist before I was able to flick. We stared at each other, his hand still clutching my wrist, and the whole world stood still. I couldn't hear the mutters of Alice and Jasper in the other room. I couldn't hear the water rippling in the washing basin. I couldn't hear anything outside the house or in. All my attention was locked on those green eyes that I couldn't tear away from. They seemed to change colour, darkening, deepening, with every second. His fingers I were sure, were going to leave marks tomorrow, and I didn't care. It would give me something to remember this moment from. His breathing and mine quickened without us noticing. We just stood, reading into each others pools of emotion, unable to stop.

And then it did.

"Bella! What's this?!"

Alice's high pitched shout broke through our moment, and I'd never wanted to strangle someone as much as I did her in that second. I grasped my hands over his, which was still on my wrist, and took it off, my eyes gently tearing away. Before I could move into the living room, he grabbed my hand back, taking it to his lips and letting them grace my skin gently, softly, leaving shivers in his lips' wake. I sighed, and then I moved, my eyes lowering.

When I walked reluctantly into the living room, I went into quick mode. Alice was sitting beside Jasper, both their eyes glued to My Book. No-one ever saw My Book. It was made for my eyes only. I had to get it back. "NO! Alice!"

I ran to the other side of the room, grabbing it from her small delicate hands, and they looked up in shock. I stuttered. "Not yours… mine… no-one… sees."

She looked confused. "But… they're really good."

She was referring to the lyrics I write. During the day, as I had been hunting down ingredients in the supermarket, some lyrics had sprung into my head. As soon as I key had gone in the door, I had run to my secret drawer, taken My Book out, and written them in, developing them. My were special, no-one ever got to see my lyrics. They were mine, no anyone else's. And unless I wanted to show someone them, they would never know they existed.

I looked to the ground, My Book clutched to my chest. "Thank you. But I don't let anyone see them. They are personal."

"Oh,' Jasper muttered. 'Sorry."

I smiled at them both, feeling Edward's stare on me. I couldn't look at him. I'd made a fool of myself, but for the right reasons. Still, I looked away from his penetrating gaze. "It's okay. Just… don't try and look or find it again." I pointed to the door, which lead into the hallway and they stairs up to my bedroom. "I'm just… going to put this.. Away. Make yourself comfortable. I'll be right back."

Then I slipped upstairs.

-.-.-

After that, nothing else was mentioned about my book, and we managed easy conversation for a few more hours. By eleven o'clock, Jasper announced that he would be heading off, and everyone started to pack up and away. My guest all said how happy they were to have come, and I was glad that the little hiccup with the book we had was all forgotten. They shuffled into their coats and Alice took her bag.

Jasper and Alice went ahead, her arm tucked through his with their heads vert close together. If they didn't kiss by the end of the night I'd be surprised. Edward stayed back with me at the door to give them privacy.

"Does Jasper pass inspection, then?" I asked, hopeful for a good answer.

He smiled crookedly at me. "Of course. You were right; there was no need for me to worry. He is truly charming, and he loves you, as a friend, very much."

I stared into the distance, at his and Alice's leaning in heads. Come on kiss! I smiled. "Well, he's great. His friendship has pulled my through many years, especially my parents divorce. He'll stick to Alice like glue, Edward."

"I'm glad. Oh, when do you want your next lesson? I'm free tomorrow, if that works for you."

I checked my calendar in my head. "Yes, that'd be great, thanks."

"Good, I look forward to it." He replied.

I nodded in Alice and Jasper's direction. They had finished their kiss fest. I think Edward was only looking at me to make sure he missed that. It was sweet, though. "I think its safe to go now. They've finished, I presume. Thank you for coming."

He took my hand, leading it back to his lips once more. "It was my pleasure."

And with one last long look, the three headed into the distance, away from my house, and until tomorrow I would see Edward again. I touched my hand where his lips had been.

My dreams would be full of him, I was sure.

**A/N; I enjoyed writing this chapter very much. In reviews a lot of people wanted more Edward, so I hope you are all satisfied. I wanted to show more of what he is feeling towards Bella. I didn't mean to make him like a stalker or anything. It's actually meant to be sweet, but I'm not sure if that worked. Also, I hope I showed that Alice and Bella are getting closer, and that Alice and Jasper's relationship has developed.**

**Yep. So, since this chapter is quite early, can I get some lovely reviews? Over 60 now, please?**


	12. Eleven

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Eleven.**

I woke up the next again morning, with happiness flowing from my every pore. I'd had the most amazing night last night, and then just as I'd predicted, my dreams had been full of Edward Cullen; a man I'm sure I'm falling for. All I can see is his deep green orbs, his messy auburn hair and his chiselled jaw I long to run my hand along. He's truly perfect - so I probably have no hope in getting him at all.

Every time I picture him with a woman, a tall blonde leggy woman comes into my mind; the model type. And as he is everything Godlike, they would be beautiful together. When I really think about it, and picture us together I'm not so sure. I'm plain enough, but compared to him, I'm nothing at all. However, I am in his company, and hope to be for a very long time. I know now about my feelings, and know nothing of his, but I will be happy. Because being around this wondrous man is more than I could wish for, than not being around him at all.

I slipped out of the sheets curled around my bed in my bed, only to have the cold Autumn air hit me like a ton of bricks. I shivered, it travelling down my spine, goose bumps decorating my skin. Reaching over, I grasped the oversized but incredibly warm jumper I have and them slipped it over my head, rubbing my forearms to create the needed heat. Flinging back the rest of the covers, I escaped the confines of the sheets, and padded across the carpet and down the stairs.

I turned the corner at the end of the stairs and headed for the kitchen. Usually after dinners I host - which I don't very often - I have lots of dishes all dirty and filled with grime, wasting away in a hep beside the sink. But not today. My thoughts zoomed back to last night with Edward, cleaning the dishes one minute, them gazing into each others eyes the next. I sighed, a smile flitting onto my face. He was charming; I'm sure I could watch him all day and never get bored.

I started pouring myself some coffee, watching the steam rise from the cup as the hot water poured in. I inhaled the heavenly scent of coffee in the morning, letting my insides beg to be fed. Grasping the cup, I tilted it to my lips…

And then the bell rang.

I sighed angrily. Looking at the fish clock, I realised it was only nine in the morning - very early for someone to call around. Putting my mug down, I wrapped the jumper more securely around my body, and answered the door.

To a very shocked and riled up Jasper.

"I'm going to ask her." He exclaimed as soon as the door had opened.

I looked at him, stunned. I had just woken up and the filtering sunlight coming through the doorway startled me. I lifted my hand, shielding the sun from me, and looked at my best friend again. His looked agitated. I was confused. "Jas, it's nine in the morning and my brain hasn't woken up yet. Who are you gonna ask what?"

He looked at me, his eyes showing the determination his felt. "I'm going to ask Alice to go out with me."

It finally registered, and then I smiled widely. I imagined Alice's face, glowing when she knew that this would happen - when Jasper plucked up the courage to ask her - and that made me even happier. I ushered him into the house away from the cold and he plopped himself down on the couch, sitting rigid with agitation.

I stood beside him, rubbing his shoulders in comfort trying to get rid of the tension building inside himself. I'd never seen him like this before. "Coffee?"

"God, yes." He muttered. I smiled, if there was one thing I knew about him, it was that when he was nervous only coffee calmed him down. So maybe I'd serve it to him today by the bucket load. Scurrying back to the kitchen, I poured another coffee into his cup and juggled with them, through to the living room. Then I sat down opposite him, eager for details.

"So when did this happen then?" I asked, curious.

He looked at me blankly. "When did what happen?"

I laughed; he was in such a daze, it was cute. "When did you realise you wanted to ask Alice? She'll say yes, I think. With the way she'd been talking about you, I'm almost sure of it."

I saw the sparkling twinkle in his eyes return at bother the mention of her name and the thought of her talking about him. They were so oblivious, both of them, of each others feelings. Yet they were so connected, and meant for each other. I knew once he got the courage to ask her, they'd both be very happy. What more could I ask for, for my two friends?

He bowed his head, blushing slightly - a rare sight to see on Jasper's face. "Well, with yesterday, I just felt… Why not, right? She'd beautiful, and fun, and so caring; she's a joy to watch. I want her so badly. And I've never felt this way before. It's amazing… and so very hard to explain."

I watched him stutter, his head so filled with ideas about that certain girl that they seemed to come out in a bundle of mush. It was endearing though, and I was very glad he felt he was able to share this with me. I felt special, and yet he was the one with the special announcement.

"Don't worry about it,' I smiled. 'I'm sure I'll get all the details later from Alice. Any idea when you're gonna ask her?"

He relaxed slightly, leaning back into the chair, while I swung my legs up and curled them into my body for warmth. "Well, I have her phone number… but then the more I thought about it, the more I knew I couldn't do this by phone. She'd too special, and deserves the best. So I will phone her, but take her some place nice, ask her then…"

He trailed off, a look in his eyes which I couldn't read to clearly. Then his face scrunched up, and he looked upset. I sat forward. "So what's the problem?"

He looked out of the window, away from my gaze. "She'd beautiful, smart, caring, kind and so special. I can't help thinking I'm not worthy of any affection she may want to give me. She doesn't deserve to be pulled down by me. I don't deserve to have anything to do with her."

"Now you listen here, Jasper.' I pointed at him, and he finally looked into my eyes. 'Stop your nonsense. You are perfect for each other. You say I don't see myself clearly, well you don't either. You are the sweetest guy I know, and have helped me through so much - you deserve all the happiness you get. You're special too. And she'd love you no matter what, rain or shine. Because you have one of the biggest hearts in the world."

He looked at me, smiling shyly, unsure of how to take all my sudden compliments. He eventually stood up, coming over to me and enveloping my curled up body into one of his famous, loving hugs. I kissed his cheek in a friendly manner as he pulled away. "Go get her, Jas."

He winked. "That I will do."

The next thing I knew he was out of my house.

-.-.-

Rosalie looked out of the window, into the streets of Forks, which was hardly crowded today. The bleak sky obviously made people want to stay indoors, instead of shopping all day and needing an energy boost in the form of coffee. She sighed, tapping her finger nails off of the work top she was behind. To her sides were various sizes of cups, and plates for things from the bakery section. She groaned; she'd been beside this view for too long, and couldn't wait to get her dream finally off the ground. She smiled, thinking about her dance studio. It was almost hers, she could feel it, almost grasp it. She just needed that final phone call, the one that would make her hang up her Starbucks apron for good. On that day, she would be happy.

Suddenly her short black haired, pixie sized friend walked through the door, searching through her bag for her purse as usual. Rosalie smiled; it seemed like ages since they had seen each other. In fact, it had only been a week. Alice smiled as she approached the counter. "Hey Rosalie."

"Hey Alice. The usual?"

Alice smiled, not even needing to reply. She waved to the other people behind Rosalie, who knew her as a regular. Putting her hand back into the bottomless purse she had, she found the correct money and handed it over, pointing to a table where they would sit for a chat. Rosalie nodded, and she moved over once more.

Five minutes later Rosalie joined Alice. "What's up?" Rosalie greeted, putting her mug down on the table in front of them.

Alice seemed to be almost jumping in her seat. "I have some news."

"Come on then, don't keep me waiting." She giggled.

Alice went all wistful, her eyes gazing up to the ceiling in the way you can only believe in movies. She seemed to pull it off effortlessly. "I, Alice Cullen, have met the perfect guy."

Rosalie clapped her hands, happy for her friend. Ever since Rosalie had known Alice, she'd known about Alice's mission in life: to find the man of her dreams. She knew of Alice's love life history, and of the men that treated her like dirt - and even the ones that didn't make it past the door, Edward's orders - but now, to finally hear of Alice's seeming success, she couldn't be happier for her friend. Sure, there was a little bit of jealous on Rosalie's part, but the pride she felt for Alice overshadowed the jealousy.

Rosalie beamed back at Alice. "Who, when, where? I need details!"

Alice laughed. "Well, I met her at Bella's house because he's----"

Rosalie put her hand out, stopping Alice from talking. She felt something inside her stir. Who was this Bella person? And how had she managed to give Alice the perfect man; something Rosalie had been trying to do for ages? She could hear the rest of Alice's princess story later. For now, she wanted to know about Bella.

Rosalie leaned back, looking Alice intently in the eye. "Who's Bella?" She asked.

Alice tucked a small strand of hair behind her ear, looking back at Rosalie smiling. "She'd one of my new friends. I met her at choir. She'd really nice. And as I was saying----"

"---You've made a new friend. Am I being replaced Alice?"

Alice stopped abruptly. She began to shake her head vehemently. "Gosh, No! Rose, you could never be replaced. You're one of my best friends, but I also know that Bella is becoming a very special friend too. I'm allowed to have more friends than just you, Rosy. But just because I've suddenly met Bella doesn't mean she'd going to take your place."

Rosalie felt her heart rate slow at Alice's words, now reassured. Alice seemed really keen on this Bella person, so she must be okay. Now she knew she wasn't going to be replaced, she could accept the fact, and maybe meet her some time and get to know her.

Rosalie shook her hand, a little embarrassed. "Sorry. I was being stupid. Back to your perfect guy."

Alice's became wistful again. "Well, as I was saying, I met him when I was at Bella's house. I'd just met her at choir, and you know how I swap addresses, and like to go and see how they found it afterwards?' Rosalie nodded, now engrossed in her story. 'Well, I went along, and guess who opens the door? My perfect man. His name's Jasper, and he's tall with blonde hair, and the bluest eyes. And Rosalie, honestly, I don't know how we haven't seen him around before. He's… just beyond words."

Rosalie smiled. "And how's it going between you two? Has he asked you out yet?"

Alice shook her head, still smiling. "Not yet. But I can feel it coming. I hope it's soon. I can't wait much longer."

Rosalie took her hand, squeezing it. "I'm really glad, Alice. You deserve some happiness. Maybe I can meet him at some point? And Bella too. You know I'd love to get to know her and become her friend."

Alice's eyes lit up. "Sure. I'll arrange it. It's my birthday soon, so maybe you'll meet at my party?"

Rosalie smiled. "I can't wait."

-.-.-

Edward sat at his piano, waiting for Bella to arrive. He'd been staring constantly at the clock for almost an hour, and hadn't moved at all. He'd be very stiff when she did arrive, but that didn't matter. He wanted to make sure that she arrived right on time.

In a moment of distraction, she let his fingers move to the keys, absentmindedly playing notes in a tune not familiar to himself. Then, by chance, he played one of the patterns in 'Bella' - the piece she had inspired in him, just by her name - and then he couldn't stop his fingers from moving to the melody he had locked inside his brain, which he played nearly every night. It was one of the best pieces of music he'd created, so why not play it over and over?

Once the piece ended, and the last note fell, he glanced back at the clock, taking a deep breath as he realised he still had ten minutes until she was due to arrive. Waiting, for someone so special as her to walk through the door, was torture. Pure torment. He never wanted to wait; he wanted her to be there, always, whenever he felt like playing. He longed to have her stay in his house, play his instrument, and leave her beautiful scent on everything he owned, just so she had left some of herself behind when he left. In a matter of fact, he'd didn't want her to leave, at all.

He had stunned himself. He'd never thought of this before, aloud in his thoughts. Sure, there had been times when he had thought of this, but not as clearly as a few moments ago. He had thought about her a lot in the last couple of days, and also yesterday over dinner. He realised that there were many things she did, which others may not pick up on. He'd got to know her well, perhaps without her noticing. And that drew him to the only conclusion he could come up with.

He was falling for her.

Fast.

The doorbell ringing made him jump up, rubbing his hands together in anticipation and excitement. He reached the door, and saw her outline through the faded glass. He smiled looking at her darkened form. She was beautiful without her body being there completely. He was caught, he knew.

He opened the door to find her beaming up at him, the eagerness to learn written in her eyes. She came in quickly, out of the cold, and Edward took her jacket, hanging it up on the pegs, before taking her through to the piano room, where he taught.

She sat down immediately, definitely not as afraid as before at the instrument. She played hesitantly, while waiting for him to begin. But he found he couldn't; he was too interested in watching her to care about teaching her.

She stopped, looked up at him and smiled in the way that had always made his heart pound. Then she spoke, "What's on the agenda today?"

For the rest of the day he watched and taught her how to play various pieces, surprised at how much she had adjusted to playing, so quickly. He watched her hands move in simple, enthralling ways, and watching as the notes he had heard thousands of times before become more beautiful, like she was putting a spell over the keys as she played. It was breathtaking for him to watch. At times, he had to look away, for the emotion was too much for him to take. He was taken by this girl completely.

Too soon, however, the lesson was over and she finished her last piece of music for the day. As her tune died away, she let her eyes open, melting into Edward's eyes as she did so. They were a darker shade of green than normal, and so intense. "That was… incredible."

She blushed. "I don't think so."

He nodded, "No really. For a beginner, you're fabulous. I guess you are one of the people who have the talent already installed in them, and are just waiting for the opportunity to let it burst out."

She giggled. "I guess I am. It's a beautiful instrument."

"I agree, but in comparison to you, it loses it's appeal."

He cursed in his brain for saying that. He hadn't meant to, it had just slipped out. He watched her blush heighten and her eyes widen. She hadn't expected that; he hadn't expected himself to say such a thing, so soon after figuring out his feelings. But it was out there now, and there was nothing he could do about it.

She seemed to gain control, and then she pulled her face back, smiling in a shy way. "Thank you."

He choked. "You're very welcome."

And then, on impulse, he took her hand gently, and pressed his lips to her skin, almost moaning at the sensation. Her taste on his lips was amazing.

He felt her move her hand, and his heart fell as she moved it away. Then she placed her hand back to his skin but to his cheek, dragging him in like a magnet.

She sighed, leaning closer. "Do you feel it?" She whispered.

All he could do was nod.

**A/N; I guess you could say I've left it at a cliff-hanger, but I'm not sure if it really is. I didn't plan on making anything really happen with them, but the little reaction towards each other at the end seemed to fit. I think it worked, and I guess it brings them into their relationship more. I realised I hadn't written for Rosalie in a while, so I thought I'd throw in something about her too. I thought about making her dislike Bella, but it didn't really fit with the plot. So you got a little bit of jealousy, but in future chapters they should be friends.**

**Anyways, I'm loving all your reviews. They inspire me to write more, so if you can spare a few seconds to write one, they are greatly appreciated. :)**

**PS. Sorry for spelling errors.**


	13. Twelve

**My Beautiful Disaster**

**Chapter Twelve.**

I can feel the heat rise onto the palm of my hand as I touch his cheek. I can feel his breathing rise and fall, the oxygen in his mouth floating against his skin. I can feel the small bristles of hair on my fingertips, tickling my skin cells. And yet none of this matters, and none of this crosses my mind, because at this precise moment we are sitting on the same wavelength, with the same thoughts running through our minds: _Is this really happening?_

I can feel the power of his stare radiating everywhere around us; it is too powerful. He is intoxicating; the air I breathe is cloudy with want and need. Our foreheads close into one another, melting. His hand, I can feel, reaches across my knee, rubbing the soft skin, and we both hear my breathing skip. Yet my hands stays in its place, safe and sound on his cheek, as all else floats around us. It's the most perfect moment in the world, like nothing I have ever experienced. As I raise my head up again, our heads rubbing together, with his fringe connecting with my wispy flyaway pieces, I look deep into his eyes. I see him as I've never seen him before. He touches my soul, my body and heat belong to him, and all this I can tell from this one, small look that we share together now. It's magical; nothing other can describe.

I see love, determination, care, hope, and then… _sadness_. I run my fingers against his cheek again, probing him with my eyes to tell me what is bothering him. In this moment, I can't take him feeling anything else than happiness. And then he wants to move away. His eyes turn, and I feel his forehead inching away from mine. I try to stop the whimper escaping my mouth, but it doesn't happen. He looks at me, touching my soul once more, before tucking a strand of hair behind me ear. I am so confused, so lost in his looks, eyes, and presence. And then he pulls me out of my turmoil; out of my confusion. Partly.

His hands spring to the keys. "Alice is coming. She is in the driveway."

I see the sincerity in his eyes, but somehow I cannot trust them. Inside, my heart beats faster at the thought of him only pulling away for the sake of his sister not seeing us. I respect and understand that; I wouldn't want to walk in on my brother with my friend, whom he had never told me about liking. So I want to believe that is the only reason. But, in my mind, it could never be that simple. I want to believe it, but I just can't. He pulled away, and left me hanging, even more confused than before. The only explanation: he doesn't want me. _Who would?_

I try not to let that affect me, as I cheer myself up and plaster the smile back on my face. My heart is breaking, and I want to cry so badly, but that would only make things worse. So I suck it up. And sure enough, after a few minutes, I hear the door open and Alice's prancing feet make a musical pattern of their own coming our way. I can feel the heat roll off Edward, but for now, when I feel broken, I try to ignore it. I can barely look at him.

Alice steps into the room, and her smile seems to falter. Can she feel the tension, because I know I can. I smile the best I can, and stand to go and hug her. She wraps her arms around me in an automatic response, but as I stand back, her eyes are questioning. I smile again. "Hey Alice, good morning?"

She eyes me suspiciously. "Yeah… great, thanks."

I nod, turning back, and taking my seat again, dodging the looks Edward throws my way. If I looked at him now, after I've realised that I will never have his love or deserve him, I know I wouldn't last two seconds without crying.

Alice steps further into the room, and I hear her bag hit the couch as she swings it over. Sitting down, she pulls off her shoes, and no-one utters a word. It's obvious something is up, but she never questions. Surprisingly. I was sure she'd come straight out with it.

"Enjoying your lesson, Bella?" She finally speaks up, and I thank her for breaking the silence.

I turn, catching Edward's eyes. And for a moment, I am stunned. We lock, and he tries to communicate what he wants to say without words. I get nothing at all. Because as I look at him, all I see is the heartbreak I feel and deserve. How could I think I could ever be with him? He looks at me as if to tell me I'm wrong, and for a second I think I see the love I crave for. I turn my eyes.

Looking at Alice, she notices my broken expression, and I feel the sympathy roll off of her. I smile once more, the best I can. "I am enjoying it, thank you. It's great to finally be learning."

She goes to stand, and I want her to stay. I beg her, but she doesn't understand. She motions to the kitchen. "Okay, well, don't let me stop you budding musicians.' She laughs, and it sounds forced. She smiles at her brother. 'I'm just going to make lunch.' Then she turns to me. 'Would you like to stay, Bella?"

I look at her hopeful expression, and I know I'm about to crush it. I don't dare look to Edward, as I normally would. For I don't want to see what he really thinks. I shake my head, looking towards the floor in a sign of embarrassment. It's probably simpler if I look at the flooring. It won't judge me; never has, never will.

"No thanks, Alice. I've got to get home soon anyways."

I dare to look up again, and see she isn't looking at me at all. She's looking at Edward. And then I realise that he is sitting so close I could reach out and touch him again. I could hold him. And I could kiss him with all the love I feel for him. I've only known him a short few weeks, but the connection I feel towards him is…unbreakable. He is so close to me. And that's too much for me right now.

I feel the emotions bubble to the surface, and I can't take it anymore. I feel the stuffy feeling, the stinging eyes and the golf ball try to rise up your throat so you feel like your choking.

"Excuse me."

And then I run to the safety of the bathroom.

I sit on the top of the toilet, letting my face rest in my hands. I blink my eyes more than a thousand times to try and stop the tears from falling, and I get a surprise - it works. I run my hands through my hair, feeling the curls loosen, then scrunch up again. Sighing, I look up to find myself in through mirror, attached to the door.

I look at myself, fingering the lines and blemishes; the things I don't like about my face. Rubbing my eyes, I try and figure out how I got into this messy situation. How did I let myself fall for someone that will never love me, or want me the way I want them. I saw it, saw it in his eyes. And it was so painful, my heart wrenches just to think about it. I felt the pain rush through my body, and yet, no matter how much I have gone through in the past, pain always seems to get worse, no matter what is going on. I thought I'd become numb to pain, but that isn't the case.

He came into my life, like everyone else did. Through other friends, or by pure coincidence. Whatever, the case, he wasn't special to me. He just had that… spark. The spark I'd never felt with anyone before. It caught me, like a deer in headlights, and I remember freezing. For them on, I think I knew I was falling, but convinced myself I wasn't. Why? Because I wasn't the sort of person that falls for the next guy who rounds the corner. I wasn't someone who attached themselves to men. And then Edward walked in, and took away every thought or every deal about that subject away. He had the power, and he wowed me with it.

Where has that left me then?

With a heart full of love to give, without the man I want to give it to. I shake my head, forcing the picture of sadness out my mind. I can't believe I've been so stupid, so reckless with my heart. The one thing I thought I had control over. Throughout my 22 years, I've found that things just happen. It rains, and the sun shines; I don't have control over it. The one thing I thought didn't have a mind of its own, was that stupid blood pumping system. Apparently that doesn't belong to me either. It belongs to Edward now. And I know it will take a long time to get over him. Because, even though I haven't known him long, he still has that power. That power over my heart ad myself.

I stand up on my shaky legs, and beg myself to look as normal as possible. I haven't been crying, so my tear stains glittered around and down my cheeks. But I have that look, the one that says I don't feel like myself and have been broken my a man. I sigh. How will I get out here alive? Or at least without confronting Edward?

-.-.-

He stared at the door which she had just walked out of. He'd watched her sorrowful eyes drift away from his into the afternoon sun. He'd watched her back turn on him, as she footsteps floated into the distance. And the worst thing was that he'd let her walk away, without stopping her, or saying anything more than 'goodbye'. He felt ashamed. He'd just let her go, and now he felt stupid. Because he'd let her go, when he knew that she'd taken him the wrong way.

They'd had the moment. The moment when nothing else in the world matters more than the person sitting beside you, playing beside you, listening to you, and looking deep into your eyes. They understand you more than anything else in that moment; that was the one point they had missed. She'd hadn't understood at all. In that moment, he'd wanted desperately to tell her how he felt. To tell her how much she meant to him. He just couldn't… for too many reasons to explain.

And now she was gone, and he had no way for telling whether she would come back. She'd seen the look of pain in his eyes, misinterpreted it for dislike, and then he'd had to watch her go with a look of pain, so full of hurt that he could feel it in the air around her. He felt guilty to the core for putting that around her, blanketing her with that horrible feeling. He felt sick.

But he had to stay strong. Just around the corner, or maybe right behind him, was his sister. Alice had been watching them together since she had got here, like a hawk. He'd been sent many looks during that period of time, all of which he had dismissed. Don't get him wrong, he'd always take Alice's advice - she knew him better than anyone. But today, he didn't need it. All he wanted was Bella. And he'd lost it while trying to gain it.

He couldn't show the hurt he felt, so he turned, surprised as to not see her waiting for him, shooting questions for every direction like normal. He let himself smile, something he hadn't done since the moment he'd clearly crushed her heart. And least his had been crushed in the bargain.

He watched through to the kitchen, smelling the familiar aroma of Alice's cooking. Putting some music sheets down on his piano in the living room, he made his way through, watching as his sister put down their plates opposite each other. He sat down. She sat down.

She smiled, comfortingly. "So, how was your day?"

_Terrible._

But he'd never say that to her face. He'd hate to make two people unhappy today, and he knew from experience that seeing her brother upset only made her upset too. She cared for him dearly, even if she was younger than him.

So he just smiled as cheerfully as possible. "Good. Bella is really improving, and I feel like we are finally getting somewhere. I'm sure that she'll be able to sing at the same time as playing her own tunes quite soon."

Alice smiled, her eyes twinkling at the mention of her newest friend. That was the thing with Alice. Once she got to know someone, she formed a link with them that would never be broken on her part. She had too much heart, sometimes. She began to reply. "That's good. I'm glad."

He twisted a strand of pasta onto his fork, before wolfing it down, it burning his tongue slightly. "What about your day? Interesting?"

She looked up. "Yeah, I met up with Rose. At Starbucks, obviously. We talked for a while. Jasper, though, was one of the main topics. And then, obviously, Bella was mentioned,' She paused for a second, and to anyone else it would have sounded like she was regaining breath. But to him, he knew she was looking for his reaction. She got one. His eyes levelled with hers, no doubt telling her of how he felt towards her friend. If they did, she didn't speak about it. Then she continued. "and Rose got this insane idea that she was being replaced by Bella. I told her she wasn't, and we ironed that out fine.' A smile was brought onto her face, and he instinctively knew Jasper was about to be mentioned. "She really wants to meet Jasper" - _told you!_ - "so I said that we'll arrange something. Probably around my birthday. It's soon you know."

Her face began to glow. He smiled. She had always been really excited about her birthday, even though she was now in her 20's. Edward found it endearing. "Yep. It is. Any idea about what----"

In a sudden movement she was out of her seat, and her fork had dropped from her hand. She looked at him, anger lurking in her eyes while she face told him of her sadness. "I CAN'T DO IT, EDWARD! All day I have given you time to explain what has happened, and now I want answers.' She steadied her breathing. Then she looked at her brother, pain at him not telling her written all over. 'What has gone on with you and Bella."

He ducked my head. "Nothing. Why would you think that?" He laughed. He'd tried this tactic many times before when trying to hide something from Alice. It rarely worked.

She slammed her hands down on the table, making him jump. "Oh, get a grip Edward! When I walked in this morning you could cut the tension with a knife!"

It didn't work this time either.

He looked at her, and for the first time that day Edward let his emotions out. The only vent he could find this time, however, rather than the usual anger and fighting was… breaking down. "I LOVE HER, GOD DAMN IT! I love her, and it hurts so badly! She'd the most wonderful, beautiful, kind and good woman I have found, and I want her. I love her more than words, Ali.' His voice trailed off, and he watched as Alice's face crumbled. She was shocked, and then suddenly she was at his side, wrapping her tiny arms around him trying to comfort him. He let her rock him slowly, knowing full well that only Bella could fully heal his wounds. He continued telling Alice his story. 'And you know the bit that hurts the most, Alice? Is that I hurt her today. That was why there was an atmosphere in the room today. We had… a moment, and I ruined it. I wanted to tell her that I loved her,' He looked at her deeply, and she nodded in understanding, a meaning between them. One that frequently hurts them both. 'But I couldn't. And now she thinks I don't love her."

Alice simply rocked her brother, shushing his silent tears while she contemplated everything that her brother had told her.

She brought her hand up to his face, and guided his eyes back up to hers. "We'll work through this. You can do this. You can get her, Edward. I'm rooting for you two!"

Edward chuckled. No matter what, Alice would always be supportive. "Thanks Alice. But how? She probably will never want to see me again. "

Alice stroked one of his tears away. "There will be a way."

And then the doorbell rang.

Alice detached her arms from around her brother whom she was consoling, and with a sisterly kiss on the cheek she left his broken shell of a man and went to answer it.

She opened the door, and her heart began to beat faster.

Jasper.

"Hey Alice."

He looked tense, and she noticed this. She smiled, never wanting to grab someone and kiss them so much that they would be thinking about it hours afterwards, than now. She smiled back, trying to contain her emotions. "Hey Jasper. What's up?"

He seemed to gather himself, and then he spoke the words she'd wanted to hear from the moment she'd met him. "I was wondering if… you'd like to go out with me? I mean, don't feel obliged. I-I understand if you… if you don't want to, um, date me---"

"I'd love to go out with you, and date you, Jas."

And then she let go, her emotions and love she felt for the man in front of her exploding. She jumped into his arms, feeling the cold air from outside rush against her body. Jasper's arms wrapped securely around her body, and they kissed into the night.

In the hall, peeking around the corner, was her brother, watching them embrace together. He smiled for them, but couldn't help the tear that fell.

At least someone got their happiness today.

**A/N; Well, Alice and Jasper got together in the end, but it seems Bella and Edward have drifted further apart. That was the plan though. Don't worry! When the time is right, all will be well. I'm sorry I took forever on this chapter. I just couldn't get it write. It took lots of rewrites, but this is the best you get! Hopefully, the next chapter will be up sooner.**

**I'm loving all your reviews, and they really encourage me, and give me more ideas. Can we see if we can hit 80? I'll love you if you do. Go on - click that button!**

**x**


	14. Thirteen

**My Beautiful Disaster**

**Chapter Thirteen.**

I sat.

I stared.

I shivered.

I sat.

I stared.

I shivered.

And then I wiped the tear that travelled gently down my cheek, mixing with the water running down my body - my fully clothed body - as I sat aimlessly in the shower. The pellets of water were like a stampede on my body, the jets pounding my skin. I sat curled up on the floor of my shower, with my arms wrapped securely around my knees, and I stared, just like before, at the white tiles. The water running from the shower head flows down me, and in front of me, making a semi circle around my form. There are many bottles in my shower. One is pink with a floral pattern and the words **'Freesia Shower Gel'**. Another is green with the words **'Radox Bubble Bath'**. And there is another that catches my eye; bright red boring into my orbs with reads **'Strawberry Shampoo'**. Beside the bottles is a small mound of Dove soap. It is plain, the word Dove no longer imprinted onto the surface, and there are no bubbles around it, since I haven't used it. I would look around to find more things to spend time looking at, but can't seem to make myself move. There really is no point, you know, with all of this. Because I know exactly what I'm doing, and I keep on doing just for the sake of doing something. Because if I didn't do something, I would be doing nothing. And doing nothing doesn't help at all. It gives me time to think. Thinking isn't something that would be good for me to do right now. Because every time I let myself drift away, my thoughts return to the same person. _Edward._

There we go again. That damn stabbing feeling in my chest. I subconsciously touch it, like I'm trying to mould myself back into one piece again. Yet another thing I do to try and make myself forget the pain I'm currently going through. It doesn't work, like most of the other things; no matter how much I try to 'patch' myself up I still go through the pain. It's funny. Doctors haven't come up for a cure of a broken heart yet. I should really suggest that too them. Because there has to be some remedy, somewhere. Oh yeah, there is. Edward could love me.

Another stab.

I really should stop thinking about him, I know. It only puts me through my pain, which I something I should be avoiding. In my right mind I know I'm getting nowhere by doing this. I should be doing the strong thing; getting up, properly dressed (not the baggy t-shirt and bed shorts I'm in right now - and certainly not soaking wet), eat something I go… do something. But I can't. I'm up, but I'm not awake and full of energy. I'm dressed, but no respectfully. Whenever I try and eat I feel sick. And it seems I can't doing anything. Because everything I do leads me back to Edward Cullen, and it hurts. Every time I hear his voice, the funny little things he says that make my heart leap without him even knowing. Every time I picture his face, his body I desperately wanted, and want to hold. There is too much pain for me to handle, and then I realise how I got myself into this mess. I still haven't found a way out, yet.

What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Did? It makes no sense at all. And what makes it even more confusing is that fact that seconds before my heart shattered he told me he felt it too. He felt that connection, that strong connection that drew us closer together. I stupidly thought that meant he felt something for me. I should have known he wouldn't. Why would he? I have begin to think that maybe it was possible he just turned away because of his sister, but that would be the easy option to follow. And nothing whatsoever is that simple in life. It there is one thing I've learnt it's that life is hard, and you have to just grin and bare it. I have every other time, so why can't I now?

And I immediately know the answer to my question, and that is… I've never felt so strongly about something as I do with this, or rather, I haven't been so close to the topic. I've gone through pain in my life so far, but who hasn't. The worst was my parent's divorce - that completely threw me. It was unexpected, at least to me. When I look back I can see the signs, but back then I was oblivious. The pain there was hard for me to accept. I did what everyone does, and something I do very well. I tried to blame myself, and figure out what I had done to make this happen. I hadn't done anything, of course. Yes, it was a hard time in my life, but I wasn't in the centre of it. I felt the pain, but not directly. I wasn't the ones separating, was I? No. But now, with… Edward… I am right in the middle, in the thick of it. I feel it, the pain pulsing around me, and I have no way of stopping it. I don't have a remedy. I don't have anything to make it stop.

It just continues.

So I sit.

I stare.

And I shiver as the water becomes very cold.

I turn to stand up on my shaking legs, feeling the cold water trickle down my bare legs. My t-shirt and shorts cling to my every skin cell, my body outlined by watery fabric. I turn the water off, feeling the air become dry and cold from the lack of heating. But honestly, I couldn't care. I came in for a 'refreshing' shower, and somehow I got one. Stepping out of the shower, I grab a towel, giving my clothed body and wipe over, and then trudge downstairs. My body is still wet, and I can feel the air make little bubbles on my clothing. I stand over the sink, reaching upwards to open the cupboard door. I look around the cupboard, then close to door again. I feel empty.

So I decide to make myself a cup of coffee and hope that that will be sufficient for me. I haven't been eating properly for two days. I just… can't. I stand brewing the coffee, and just looking around the kitchen brings back memories of when Edward was here, and we were standing over my the sink, one minute drying dishes, the other having our first 'moment'.

_I glanced at Edward, his messy locks sweeping into his eyes without him flinching. I wish I could be so lucky…_

_He caught my eyes, and we laughed._

_We stared at each other, his hand still clutching my wrist, and the whole world stood still. _

_All my attention was locked on those green eyes that I couldn't tear away from. They seemed_ _to change colour, darkening, deepening, with every second. His fingers I were sure, were going to leave marks tomorrow, and I didn't care. It would give me something to remember this moment from. His breathing and mine quickened without us noticing. We just stood, reading into each others pools of emotion, unable to stop._

I choked, spluttered, and before I knew it I was falling from my upright stance to the ground, on my knees, gasping for air as I cried yet again. It's my latest hobby, just crying again and again. I shoke, holding onto the counter top for support.

When all I really wanted was Edward's arms wrapped around me, with him whispering words of comfort in my ear and kissing me until I stopped.

I needed to stop dreaming.

-.-.-

Alice and Jasper walked hand in hand through the park that morning. The air was crisp and blew steady, around them as they hugged together to create more warmth. He looked down at the beauty who was wrapped into his embrace, and was so thankful he'd managed to get her there. She was amazingly beautiful, and had a heart of gold. He remembered the moment he had met her, on Bella's doorstep. He remembered feeling that he wanted to bring her into his arms away from the cold and into his life for good; all that from a single moment of staring into each other's eyes. But he knew who he had to be thankful to, for bringing this being he was falling in love with into his life: Bella. If it hadn't been for her, he wouldn't be here with Alice today. Bella had brought Alice to him, and he would forever be in her gratitude. He didn't know what life would be like without Alice in it, somehow.

Was this what love felt like?

Wanting another being to be there forever. Wanting to spend time with a person even when you are ridiculously busy. Wanting to bring them into you arms and just stay that way, inhaling each others scent. Wanting to remain together forever, getting married and having children. He knew he wanted all of this, and before he had met Alice he was still looking for the right person too share his life with. Now, he had met her. He had her right now, with her hands enveloped in his, bodies tight together, just walking to nowhere; just being with each other. She was the only person he wanted to share moments like this with. He knew he'd give anything to be given the chance of forever with this woman. Because right now, it seemed like life only felt right without her around. And he'd worked this out with only knowing her for a total of… a few weeks.

When he thought about it, he felt more than thankful for Bella. Okay, so it wasn't completely Bella's doing, she hadn't influenced his feelings for Alice at all - Alice had done that deed all on her own - but he wouldn't have asked Alice to be his girlfriend if Bella hadn't encouraged him. He thought back to that morning when he'd sprung out of bed with the idea of asking Alice, and the first place he'd went to was his best friends house. He remembered her opening the door, her face tired and scrunched up with the offending light pouring into her house. He'd blurted out the words, and _Morning Bella_ hadn't realised what he was talking about. But when everything had been cleared up, and Jasper had been calmed down by coffee, he'd poured all his feelings onto the table, with Bella sitting there. She'd told him to go for it, and that Alice felt the same. Without those words of reassurance he'd wouldn't be here with Alice today. He sighed. He just wished there was someone out there for Bella.

"What are you thinking about?" Alice's perky voice filtered through his thoughts, and just at the sound his wide grin appeared.

He stroked one of his hands through her hair. "Nothing. Just how perfect everything is."

Alice beamed up at him and he felt his heart lift. He'd never felt this way about a person before. It was a spectacular feeling to experience. He brought their entwined hands outwards away from his coat pocket, and Alice turned around like a ballerina under his arm, before melting into his shape with her body pressed against his. Jasper's arms wrapped around Alice's waist, pulling her in further. He felt her rise up on her toes and place a kiss on his jaw. Moving one of his hands to her neck he guided their lips together. It was gentle, but none the less beautiful. Alice's hands travelled from their place on his broad, muscled shoulders to his hair, her fingers knotting, alighting moans from Jasper's mouth. They then pulled away, smiles taking over their faces.

"I'm so happy right now," Jasper whispered has he wrapped his arms around Alice's small body once again, and pressed his lips just under her ear.

Alice entwined their fingers again. "Me too,' She smiled, and then looked away, her happy face fading. 'I just wish everyone was."

Jasper stopped them walking in the middle of the pathway. He looked directly into her eyes, begging her to tell him what was wrong. "What?"

His finger stroked the sensitive skin below her eye and caught one tear that escaped there. She leant into his steady body, desperate for comfort. "It's Edward… and Bella."

She felt Jasper stiffen from her words and she rubbed her cold hands on his back to calm him. It worked eventually. "Why? What happened?" Jasper was anxious for her brother, and for his best friend. She could tell by his panicked tone.

She rubbed her hands along his jaw while looking right into his eyes. "I don't really know if I should be telling you this, or if either of them want you to know. But, before I tell you, you have to promise me not to be mad… at either of them." _Especially Edward_, she added in her mind.

"Promise. Just, please tell me, it's killing me."

She grabbed his hand and pulled him along so they were walking again. "Yesterday, just a few hours before you arrived at my house, Bella and Edward had been having their piano lessons as usual. When I walked in, I could tell the atmosphere was different. There was… an edge. They hadn't been arguing or anything, but there was something unsaid between both of them.' She looked up at him to find his staring intently at her, on her every word. "He loves her."

Jasper's ace broke into an immediate smile. He'd thought that himself. At the dinner they had shared the four of them, he innocent but loving looks Edward had been giving Bella was something had had picked up on. "Well, that's great. What's the problem."

They continued to walk. "He never got a chance to tell her, Edward. He says they had a moment. But it didn't got as planned. It got mucked up, and now, somehow, Bella think's he doesn't love her. She ended up running from the room. I'm pretty sure you could hear her sobbing on the other side of the world. She was so upset, and Edward feels so bad. He is broken, and if her sad sobs are anything to go by, she is too. It's just… so unfair. They love each other, it's plain to see. But a wrongly picked up sentence or two ruined it all."

Jasper hugged Alice closer, seeing his Alice get more and more upset. "Here, it'll get sorted. I can tell they feel something, and it'll all get resolved, I'm sure of it. But how about we go and see Bella. She's probably locked herself in her house for the past two days."

Alice smiled, slightly tearfully. Jasper took her hand and they continued to walk in the direction of Bella's house.

-.-.-

I sat on the floor for the remainder of time. The flooring was uncomfortable, and I wanted to move, but didn't. There was so much I wanted to be able to do, but couldn't. Life was full of those things. So I just sat, as I had in the shower, and waited for someone to find me. Dead or alive. Because, right now, it felt as if I didn't have Edward, there wasn't any point anymore. Life sucked.

My hands splayed their fingers on the flooring and I turned my head slowly to watch them acted. They were pale and blotchy, like my face, from all the crying. When I placed them together, they were cold. Like my heart. It continued to beat, but I didn't feel the need to breathe. What was breathing for, anyway?

And then, like someone was waiting for me to feel like this; waiting for my downfall, the doorbell rang. I shuddered, my body suddenly feeling the cold from my wet clothing. Getting up, I clutched the counter top, dragging myself to stand. Walking through the living room, I glanced quickly at myself in the mirror, and nearly froze in shock. I looked like I was dead. I never expected to look so bad, so quickly.

But I honestly couldn't care. With the way I felt like, nothing mattered. So I unlocked the door and let it swing open with the wind. There, stadning in front of me was Alice and Jasper. Both looked at me curiously, seeing my attire and commenting only in their heads about me. I could feel their stare. Jasper smiled slightly, but said nothing. And then there was Alice. With her spiky black hair, always immaculate, and her beautiful face. And lastly, her bright eyes; so familiar. I felt a stab in my chest. In front of me was a woman who had spent the last twenty odd years of her life with the man I loved, just as a loving sister. I drew breathe, my need to have oxygen increasing. In front of me was… Edward's sister. So close to the person I loved.

I let out a wail, my tears pouring down my face. I'm surprised I have any tears left after all the crying I have done. Then my legs couldn't old me up and they buckled. I was going to crash onto the floor, but Jasper's arms found me first and held me up, pulling me into him as he brought me into the house. I was vaguely aware of Alice locking the door behind her.

He laid me down on the couch, going to move away but I only clung to his tighter. He kissed my forehead, before lifting me up and settling me on his lap while Alice sat opposite, pain in her eyes for me and love in her eyes for him. It appeared they were a couple now. That was good for them - I was genially please for them both, I loved them both dearly - but it brought pain to me. How can some people find happiness and others not?

He rocked me from side to side before I had calmed down enough to talk. I turned my head to his and looked at him. "Thanks Jasper. You're my best friend. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He hugged me once more. "Bella, it's my job, as official best friend, to comfort you when you need it. You look… broken right now. Talk to us, Bella."

I looked at Alice and saw how much she felt for me in her eyes. She really did love me as her friend, and I couldn't thank her enough for that. She was am amazing friend. I started to try and tell them. "Well… basically… I love,'_-gulp-_ 'Edward,' I winced which was noted by both and I clutched my stomach as I did so. Tears were falling once more. 'And he, he… doesn'tloveme." I rushed to get to the end. Just the sentence gave me pain.

Jasper looked at Alice, and Alice looked at Jasper, then she nodded. "Okay. Well, we need to fix you, and there is only one way to do this." She announced.

I immediately stopped her from going further. "Please, Alice! I know you're only trying to help, but if it involves… Edward I---"

She held up her hand, then rolled her eyes dramatically with a smile, making my mood lighten. This girl was talented. "Of course it'd not going to involve Edward! I wouldn't do that to you. Trust me, I've had practice, and can tell you don't wanna see him right now.' She looked at Jasper, before returning to me. 'Unfortunately, Jasper has to go."

I panicked slightly, before he kissed my temple in a friendly gesture and scooted me off his lap. "Be gentle with Bella, honey." He whispered to Alice, before kissing her lips gently and moving for the door.

I called out to him. "Thank you Jasper, for everything."

He smiled, "Anytime, Bells. You're family to me."

And with a last smile he left, leaving me and Alice together. She enveloped me into one of her hugs and I immediately relaxed. She let me lean against her shoulder. "So, what are we gonna do?" I whispered, admittedly a little scared of her plans.

She rubbed my shoulder. "I'm going to get you to open up, let out everything that is hurting you.' I was about to protest, but she continued regardless. 'I've been like this before Bella. I've been so low on heartbreak I thought nothing could make me happy again. But look! I'm still here.' I laughed at her, and she hugged me again. 'You need to let it all out, to get on with your life again. It might not work at first, but then something will come along - I'm sure of it."

She let go of me and stood up, taking her mobile phone out of her pocket. "What are you doing?" I asked.

She smiled at me. "Bringing in back up."

Alice stepped away from Bella and into the hallway, with her phone pressed up to her ear. After a few ringing tones it was answered. "Hey Alice! What's up?"

Rosalie's cheerful voice pleased Alice. "I need your help."

"With?"

"Love problems." Alice answered.

"I'll be right over."

Alice gave her Bella's address and then the line went dead, signalling that Rosalie was making her way there.

**A/N; Sorry this took so long to write. I don't really have a reason other than that writing is taking so much more time than normal. I think it's because I want to make this story the best if can be. I love the plot I've come up with, and don't want to ruin it with shabby writing.**

**Also, I finally came up with a writing plan/guide thing. So I kind of know where this is all going, which really helps.**

**Reviews also help, so click that button please!**


	15. Fourteen

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Fourteen.**

Edward had always thought the transformation of a seed into a tree was fascinating. It was a long drawn out process, but the end result was always incredible. When the seed was planted, it may take years and years for it to fully grow into a tree. It batters the storms of the winter; the bright sunlight feeds it in the summer. And through it all, it spreads its branches eagerly, welcoming birds into it's arms. It just showed how life carries on, however long it may take, and eventually everything would be okay again.

But Edward, right now, didn't believe that theory. He didn't think it was possible for everything to become okay again, if something was so deeply shattered. Take a… volcanic eruption for instance. After that, the country in which is happened is torn to pieces. Many may have lost family members and the shelter they depended on. At that sort of scale, it was almost impossible to think that everything would turn out okay in the end, even if the end took years and years coming.

But Edward hadn't gone through a volcanic eruption. Nor had he gone through any type of natural disaster. The disaster he was going through was Bella-loss. He'd never felt so much pain. It ached from his toes to his brain, and the fact that he was going over and over what had happened in his mind didn't help his headache. He had cried over and over again, trying to release himself for this excruciating pain, but nothing had worked. He was never the sort of man to cry before, but now it was all he could do. He didn't do it in front of Alice, of course. This was his mess, and he didn't want to inflict the hurt he was going through onto anyone else; he'd take his pain fairly. So he would go to his bedroom, or more likely his piano room, sit down at the seat on the same side that Bella had sat on so often, and just cry. For what he had lost; for what could have happened, but as a result of the things he'd done wrong, didn't.

He was currently sitting under the large oak tree situated in his and Alice's large garden which backed onto their rather large house. His back slumped against it, his tired face letting the breeze of wind flow over it. He never felt so helpless.

He replayed the scene, that heartbreaking scene, where one minute everything was fine - maybe more than fine - and then it changed dramatically, eventually ending by Bella, his lovely Bella, running for the safety of their bathroom, which her sobs carrying her. But when he replayed it, he imagined all of the things he really should have said to her. He knew exactly why he made those expressions of pain, and he could have told her, but didn't. He was… afraid. Of what she would think, and if that would make her feelings change. But he knew she wouldn't think anything of that, because he could tell of the love she felt of him in her eyes.

So the real reason was…

He didn't want to drag her down with him. He didn't want to put her through the emotional pain, while he hurt physically. He loved her completely, and would do anything for her. But he couldn't put her through the hurt. He'd seen what it had done to Alice before, and as much as he loved Alice, he knew it would be much harder to cope if it was Bella going through the hurt with him this time. Last time, it wasn't him. Sometime, this time, it would be him. And he knew it would come.

A rush of emotion flew over him and he began to cry again. He didn't want this. All he wanted was Bella, beautiful Bella, in his arms, forever, until they died. He wished he could turn back time, do the things he did differently. And then, if he'd done those, he could have had Bella with him right here, right now. Knowing this, only made the tears come quicker.

He stood up, regaining his shaky balance. Placing his hand against the tree to steady himself, he knew hat he wanted to do. He wanted to go to her. Now. He began to walk towards the house, his mind filled with images and words of what he would say and do when he got there. And then he stopped. Because there was one sentence in his mind; one that she might say when she saw him, that made his decisions turn around.

_You don't want me._

That's what the other days happenings would have looked like. It would have seemed to her, and any other, that he didn't want her, and so he refused to love her. He stopped dead. He knew that would have seemed the case, but he really felt the complete opposite. And it killed him to realise that now she wouldn't believe him with whatever he said. Because he'd mucked it up big time. And there was no way to fix that. He'd had the chance to love her - which was all he had wanted to do - and he'd blown it.

Tears continued to fall down his face, to his chiselled jaw, and then drop off, falling to the grass below. He shuddered. He didn't know how much more of this type of pain he could go through. He'd gone through other types of pain; the pain of loss; of illness; but he'd never felt such agony has he did with the pain of love. Because loving someone wasn't all bunches of flowers tied up in pink posh bows. It was filled with hurt, so much hurt. And he knew that now.

He stumbled to the door, wrenching it open, and slipping inside letting it slam shut, the window glass shaking in its panes. He continued walking, his shaky legs needing more support, so he reached out at every piece of furniture he could find, grabbing it for safety as he pulled himself along. And then he reached his destination: The Piano Room. A place he'd shared so many pleasant times with Bella, but also the one that had made everything turn upside down. He opened the door, walking as steady as he could to the other side of the room, and sat down at the bench.

He let his hands drop wearily onto the keys, the awkward note booming and echoing against the walls of the room. And then he let every different finger play a different note, the tune forming in his mind. Some notes fitted together, but there were four notes that fitted together perfectly. His heart wrenched. He closed his eyes, but the tears still rolled down his face while he played.

For he was playing _**'Bella'**_.

-.-.-

Rosalie's heels tapped on the pavement, while last nights rain shimmered around her feet. She looked up to the sky, seeing the black forming clouds to the East and wondered for the fourth time that day why she had ever moved to Forks in the first place. She used to live in New York, a place where the sun usually shined unless you were a struggling dancer, like she was back then. Forks, a new place, seemed to call to her all those years ago. She's seen in on the map, looked at it, saw that it rained a lot, and then laughed it off. But then came the time when she'd had to run, and Forks, a little place that hardly anyone knew of, was the only place she wanted to go. To get away. So she ended up here.

She smiled to herself as she checked the address Alice had given her. She was only moaning when she said she doesn't like Forks; she actually didn't mind it. This place had brought her friendships that she didn't know could exist, and for that she was thankful to the man who had forced her to leave The Big Apple. She looked around the streets, trying to figure out where she was going. Sighing in frustration, she continued to look until she found the street name on one of the walls.

Looking both ways in the same manner her mother had told her all those years ago, she crossed the road, her heels picking up in volume as she moved. She walked along the street, taking in all the little house, all identical except for the different coloured doors. After checking the address again, she stopped in front of a small house, which had a homely feel. She instantly felt warm. It reminded her of her home back in New York; this place was nothing special, but it was home to the person inside, and you could see that in the way the front patch of garden was kept nicely, and the paint on the door was fresh. She inhaled, then walked up to the front of the house, and rang the doorbell.

Alice quickly answered, looking slightly flushed as if she had been running around trying to comfort someone. She took hold of Rosalie's arm and dragged her inside. The heat of the house contrasted with the breeze outside and she shivered slightly. Alice took her coat. "The victim is in there. Be prepared Rose. Bella doesn't look good at all."

Rosalie smiled. So she was finally going to meet Bella; the woman who had become Alice's friend so quickly, and whom Alice clearly loved. She still felt a twinge of jealousy when she remembered how fond Alice was of this new friend, but then she remembered what Alice had said - about her having two friends whom she loved equally - and her jealousy petered away. She drew herself up, put on her friendliest smile, and made her way into the room.

She stopped as quickly as she had made it into the room, and couldn't help but stare at the fragile, broken girl in front of her. Her breath was taken away at this girl, who was obviously beautiful, but right now looked like the dead. She heart went out to her, and she immediately felt protective of Bella; this woman was the victim of heartbreak.

She gasped when she realised how similar this look felt to Rosalie. The memories of the time when she had been as distraught as Bella evaded her mind.

_Flashback._

_"I thought you loved me."_

_Rosalie choked as she felt her legs give way and she collapsed to the floor. Yet he didn't help her, didn't catch her. He just looked on and watched as she disintegrated directly in front of him. She even thought she saw a smirk grace his usually gorgeous features._

_He sneered. "Well, **darling**, you thought wrong didn't you." His voice was filled with smugness, and hints of anger seeped through. Rosalie knew exactly what he was capable of, and was thankful that at this point the hadn't resulted to violence. There was such a fine line to his anger though, and she had to be careful not to cross it._

_She clutched her body where her heart should be as every word he uttered seemed to shred her vital organ. She cried in pain, shrieked with hurt flowing from her every pore. She'd never felt such agony. "Please, James, don't do this."_

_He stalked towards her, and she felt herself cower away into the corner from his approaching body. This only fuelled him on, and he cackled. If she had known he could do this to her, she would have never gotten involved with him. Yet she couldn't help who her heart had foolishly made her fall in love with._

_She crouched down, so close to her shaking form that she could feel his breath - sticking with alcohol - all around her. She stopped breathing, fearful of his next move._

_He moved in even closer. "Don't do what, Rosy? This?"_

_And with that she took his blow to the face, her cheek stinging with the impact. Surprisingly, it didn't hurt as much as she imagined it would, but that was due to the fact that she was going through so much emotional pain at the moment, physical pain was easier to handle. She felt her cheek turn red as the blood turned to the surface. The little pain she felt still made her cry out as James coughed once more. Every time she was reminded of how horrid he could be another piece of her heart broke. This was slow torture._

_"I'll be going now, Rosalie. But I mean it, so listen good.' He bent down to her level, looking her straight in the eye. It was enough to terrify her more. He smirked. 'I want that money. And I'll have it tomorrow. You know I will." He ended harshly. A few seconds later the door slammed shut, a large gust of wind blowing into the room._

_All she could do for the remaining hours was cry._

_End of Flashback._

She looked down, away from Bella and those terrible images. She hadn't thought about that day for some time now, never wanting to return to those thoughts. But here Bella was, this fragile girl who was in need of some love, and those images were brought back to her. Yet she didn't hate Bella in the slightest, like she thought she might, for either bringing back those terrible times with James, or for becoming Alice's new best friend. Because Bella was in a state right now, and she needed help from anyone who could give her it. Alice would, and seeing her like this, Rosalie knew she would too. She'd never been one to give moral or emotional support, but something inside her snapped when she saw this poor girl.

She watched as Bella wiped her eyes carefully, the tears till managing to run. Bella wrapped her arms around her small body (which looked like it hadn't seen any food in weeks) and tried to cave away from Rosalie - the newcomer. Alice came into the room, and sat down beside her, telling Rosalie with her eyes to come closer. She complied, sitting down at Bella's side on the floor.

Alice stroked Bella's wet hair. "Honey, this is Rosalie. That friend I was telling you about. We're going to help you get through this, and hopefully help you with the pain you are going through.' Alice turned to Rosalie and smiled, talking to Bella but looking at one of her oldest friends. 'Trust us Bella, we've been through quite a lot of heartbreaks, but maybe not one's as large as the one you are going through.' Alice's expression turned softer as she looked at Rose. She knew all about James. Then she turned back to Bella. 'So we're going to try and help you think this through. Because, I think we all know you want some answers."

Bella's small but sweet laugh sounded, and Rosalie began to smile. She outstretched her hand towards Bella, and reluctantly at first, Bella took it, granting Rosalie a little smile; something that the world hadn't seen much of the past few days.

Rosalie took as seat beside her, with Alice on her other side. Rosalie spoke up first. "Okay, so I'm really out of the loop here. What happened?" She touched Bella's shoulder, and Bella didn't flinch away. Rosalie smiled inside. She had a feeling that this was a friendship in the making.

-.-.-

I looked down instead of at Alice and Rosalie who were sitting beside me. This was really nice of them, trying to help my through this. And as I began to talk I realised I didn't want to wallow in the guilt and sadness which was eating away at me. I wanted to get all of this off my chest. I knew Alice was a great listener, and Rosalie, although she had looked at me strange at first, seemed to be warming to me. I can see it now; our friendship progressing.

And then Rosalie had asked me what had happened, and my strength faltered. I shrunk away, playing with my fingernails instead of answering their question. I felt Rosalie's hand on my shoulder, tempting me to let go and tell them everything. When I looked up at her, I saw her softness behind what I suppose was her hard shell. She looked at me… as if she'd gone through the same hell I was now. That was comforting. And I think that was the catalyst for my unloading.

"From the beginning?' I asked, and they both nodded. Alice knew most of it, but it was time for me to go from the beginning and try and figure out what had happened. 'Okay, so I met Alice at choir practice. We became friends. The more she got to know me, the more she got to know about my love for all things music, and my wanting to play piano. Alice has a… brother…"

"Edward." Rosalie whispered to herself, but it was heard by Alice and I too.

I felt that stabbing pain and I unconsciously touched my heart again. Rosalie noticed this and took my hand in a friendly gesture, entwining our fingers and squeezing, urging me to go on.

I looked at them both. "So I started to take lessons with him. I was falling in love with the instrument, but that wasn't the only thing I was falling in love with. Every time I saw… Edward,' I winced at his name, which didn't go unnoticed. 'I would like him more and more until eventually, I had fallen. I thought he felt it too, but apparently he didn't. So now, here I am, as heartbroken as ever, with no-one to heal me; no-one to love me."

Alice hugged me closer. "How do you know he doesn't love you, Bell?"

I looked up at her. "I can just tell. If he had loved me, don't you think he would have realised by now, would have done something. The only thing that confuses me is the fact that I asked him fair and square if he could feel the connection we had. He said yes. So why am I sitting here now with no Edward!"

Alice and Rosalie both shushed me before my crying could begin again. I heard Alice's intake of breath. "Maybe… he thought it was best for both of you if you weren't connected to him?" She questioned.

I'd never thought of that before, but that option just made me more and more puzzled. Was there some reason I didn't know about that was stopping us from being together? I shook my head. "That can't be it, Alice. What could there possibly be that would make him think that way?"

"I don't know." She whispered.

Rosalie had held my hand through all of this, but eventually let go, standing up and turning on us. "Anyone want some coffee. I need a caffeine kick, if that's okay Bella?" I nodded eagerly. Coffee is what I've been living on. We both agreed and I watched as Rosalie's long body drifted into my kitchen.

I curled closer to Alice. "I never thought I could go through so much pain. I never thought this amount of pain was possible for the human body to hold. But, as usual, I get proved wrong."

Alice's small hand went through my tangled mess called hair. "The pain won't last forever, Bella. I'm sure you'll heal eventually. I'm just sorry I'm related to the person who has made you so miserable. But Bella, I can honestly say he didn't mean to make you feel this way. Honestly, he feels dreadful for this."

I looked up at her, tears shining in my eyes. "He's in as much pain as me?"

She nodded. "Just as much."

_Great_, I thought. If I had to go through pain, I desperately didn't want Edward to go through pain. You see, I'm not resentful of him, not in the slightest. Because I can't feel anything but love for this man. I don't think I could admit it before, but I know it's true now. I love him with my entire being, and if I had my way, we'd never be apart. Because, as proved, being apart only causes more paint than needed.

Rosalie came back with the coffee, and it boosted me a little. Being with the girls helped me more than I thought it would, even if the thought of Edward hurt just as much as it did before. When I asked them, they informed me that the pain would last for quite some time, unless something changed, but it would decrease gradually.

I played with the rim of my coffee mug. "Alice, I never really thanked you, did I?"

She looked utterly confused; it was kind of cute. "For what?"

"For finally making Jasper happy. I know, I know, you've been deliberately avoiding talking about him today because of me going through what I'm going through, but I just want to let you know how thankful I am for you taking on Jasper."

"It's not a job,' She laughed at me heartily, and it made me and Rosalie smile. 'He's a great guy; it's not a chore to love someone like that."

I smiled. "You just… you've changed him to much, for the better, of course. I can see that now and you haven't been together for a week yet. But it started so much sooner than you dating. You're making him happy, and no matter what happens with me, if Jasper's happy, I will be too."

She ruffled my hair. "What about Edward? He hasn't exactly made you happy, has he?"

I looked down, fighting the pain once more. "No, he hasn't. But I still love him, no matter what pain he is putting me through."

It was nearing dinner time and Alice and Rosalie decided to leave. I thanked them for coming and helping me today, I don't know what I would have done without them. They'd made my mind clear, and for now I could see where I would be going. Even if Edward wasn't beside me on my journey. I thanked Alice for coming along in the first place, and for Rosalie for coming when needed. We weren't so close yet, but I knew we would be soon.

And as I closed the door on them I felt as I closed the door on some of the pain that had consumed me. Okay, I wasn't completely cured but I could feel myself getting somewhere. The tiny steps helped, I suppose.

I took our mugs through to the sink, dumping then into the basin and watching as the water filled up. After washing them, I walked upstairs, ignoring the clock and fell into bed, my clothes now pretty dry. And just before I fell to sleep, something that came so easy these days, my eyes caught onto My Book.

The same book that all my song lyrics were in.

The song lyrics I had been learning to put music to.

That was all it took for the pain to increase and the tears to fall.

**A/N; Thanks for reading. Yep, Bella is still in pain, but this chapter was mainly for you to see how Rosalie's life has gone in the past (the bit with James), how Bella and Rosalie are getting closer, due to the pain that Bella is going through, and also to show how Edward is also feeling the pain for what he has done to Bella. You might be a little confused my what I was talking about (about illness etc.) but don't worry - all will be revealed throughout this story.**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I am recieving. It's great to know that people are enjoying my writing, and it boosts me to create more chapters. I'm writing a plan for this, so chapters will come easier when I know exactly where I am going.**

**Anyways, enough of me going on. What I really want you to do is press that lovely button. :)**


	16. Fifteen

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Fifteen.**

"Ready to go, then?"

I looked at Jasper's eager-to-please face, and couldn't help but smile. He was such a good friend, putting up with me throughout all the years we've known each other, and lifting me out of sadness when I really needed it. So I nodded, and said, "Yep, let's get my father out of there." with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. It was hard, pretending to be happy all the time, but I was getting better at my façade.

Okay, don't I sound tragic?! Truthfully, I still felt like I was situated under a very large black cloud, with the rain pouring down on my constantly, but it was getting better. Alice and Rosalie had really helped me, three days ago, when they came around to me house and let me get everything out. Then and there, I had opened up to myself, not only to them, and I honestly felt better for it. But just because I was accepting what had happened, and gradually moving on inch by inch, day by day, didn't mean that the pain - which still haunted me - had vanished completely. I knew that, and my heart was learning to accept that too. I just wish this process would speed up a bit.

Because id I'm going to go down Truth Row, then I might as well admit that I'm tired of going through this. I'm exhausted with all this pain. It makes me physically tired, as well as emotionally tired. Sometimes I wish I had never met Edward; had never wanted to learn piano. But I know that's not true. Because if I hadn't learnt the basics of piano, I wouldn't have been this far on the road to making my music. And if I hadn't met Edward, I wouldn't have known what love feels like, even if knowing what love feels like means going through this sort of pain. So I don't, deep down, regret anything. I just want things to have worked out the happy way - with me getting to be with the man I wanted.

Still, I'm alive, and I've got to get on with the life that God - if he exists - has given me. I can't act like I'm the only human on earth going through pain, because I know you can walk down any street and every single person you pass in either in the middle of pain or experienced it. So I put on that smile which is gradually getting easier, and walk on. Like everyone else does, on a daily basis.

I grab my coat, shrugging it onto my shoulders and adjusting the zip. After making sure I had everything, I exited the door, locking it on my way, before getting into my car, on the passenger side. I sighed. Whenever Jasper was going anywhere with me, it was an unsaid rule that he drove. What was it with the men I surrounded myself with, and the fact that they all want to drive like maniacs? Jas says I drive slow, which is usually true. Then I think back to the day when my father was on the brink of death, and remember that, if I have reason to, I can push the speed limit too.

Today, Jasper and I are going to pick up Charlie from hospital. I have to say I'm pleased that he is coming home. I've had a lot of free time recently, with me not having to go and look after him in his home. Before going into hospital, I would visit him every two days, do his shopping and washing, generally making sure he was living alright. I had to; he wouldn't last five minutes on his own. But it's been my job since I arrived here, when my mother had remarried and I had been sent off to live with my father - a person I usually only saw on the holidays. After I'd moved, I'd become the one who did everything in the house, and I wondered how he'd managed to survive up until then. The best he could make was toast. But it wasn't, and still isn't a chore for me. He's my father, whom I love dearly, and I'd do anything for him.

Jasper is looking at me, when he thinks I can't see him. I can though. He's checking up on me, probably on the orders of his pixie girlfriend. So when I caught him again, I turned to him and said, "What, Jasper?"

He blushed a little, before turning back to the wheel. "Nothing, Bella, I'm just… making sure you're okay."

I touched his arm. "Jasper, you don't have to go around on eggshells around me. I'm fine, I'm getting there. You've been such a great friend to me through this, you know. But you know me better than any of the others. You know I'm strong, and I'll get through this."

He looked at me again, and smiled. "I know, I know. I just… you're my best friend Bella, truly. And I hated seeing you upset like that. I'm just protective over you, that's all."

"And you're my best friend too. And I know you're protective. But this isn't something you can fix for me. Only I can. Or… he can."

The pain that shot through me when I thought of him or said his name was becoming bearable. It still hurt, endlessly, and whenever the pain decided to strike, it would take me a few seconds to contain myself, to fix and heal. But I did, so it wouldn't hurt the others. I knew they saw it, saw every inch of me contort in pain at the memory of his gorgeous self, but I tried me hardest to not let it take over.

As we stopped at the lights, Jasper leaned over a pressed a small kiss to my temple in a soothing, friendly gesture. I smiled at him, silently thanking him for his help getting me through this. Every day I seemed nearer to the tunnel I searching for; the tunnel that would lead me out of the pain which continually - however lessening it became - consumed me.

The lights changed to bright green, lighting the shimmering pavements while the cars took the signal to move. We turned the corner, reaching the long straight road that led to the hospital. Apparently it was built this was specially - it was supposedly easier for people who were in a panic to get to some place safer if they weren't on winding roads. I could see the sense in that, looking back on the day I came here in the first place. But now, when all I wanted was my father home, it seemed to take an awful long time to get there.

Jasper took this time to ask me more questions. I inwardly sighed, but them reminded myself that he was only trying to help. If he didn't ask the questions, and if I wasn't surrounded by memories of him through other peoples actions and words, how was I supposed to cope better. So I let his questions begin.

He leaned back in his seat a little further, with his hand still on the wheel. "Bella, do you… how often do you think of… Edward?"

I looked away, out of the window and watched as this Forks street flew past, the number of buildings we passed slowly decreasing as we neared the hospital. I was silent as I did this, but his question hung in the air, and I knew he was waiting for the answer.

"Almost all the time."

He sighed, and even though I wasn't looking in his direction, I could see his movements; the way he would move his head to the other side, try and hide the pain in his eyes, and then turn back to question again. "And you just… put yourself through that? Don't you think, because I know I do, that it would be easier for you to deal with if… you tried to forget him?

"No…" My reply drifted away.

I knew what he was saying, I'd thought about taking this route many times before. But every time I saw myself running away, forgetting the problem, putting it to the back of my mind and leaving it there, I knew I couldn't do it. Because it would be there at every turn, just waiting to capture me. If, in a few years time, I had been able to move on from Edward, his memory would still be there. And then, with every other relationship I tried to have, the insecurities Edward had unknowingly put in me, would rise to the surface, and I'd be left asking the same questions. _'Where did I go wrong?'_

Jasper didn't push me for more of an explanation, because he knew that in my silence, I was telling myself my answer anyway. He simply reached for my hands, squeezed it and let it drop back into my lap. "I've watched you go through hurt before Bella, with your parent's divorce, having to leave everything you knew, and now with this. But this… this is stronger than any of the pain I've seen you bear. I just… don't want you to go through this anymore."

_Neither do I_, I thought.

----

When we reached the hospital ward that my father was in, he seemed to be eager and ready to go. I also knew from the phone call I had from him last night that he couldn't wait to get out of hospital; the white walls were suffocating him, for sure. He sat in the chair beside his bed, with his two bags resting on the floor beside him. He smiled when he saw us walk him.

"You're here! About time too. Let's get me out of this place." He cheered, Jasper laughing at how pleased Charlie was to see us.

I took a minute to watch my father, and see how much his condition had improved since being in here. The first time I saw him, he looked terrible, as anyone would having been shot. But with every visit I slipped in, I saw him recover and now, with him ready to leave, he looked better than ever. Possibly better than he had been before he went him. I'd warned him about getting enough sleep…

I walked over to his, hugging him and giving him a kiss on the cheek. His legs jumped up and down rapidly from his position on the seat, and I giggled - something I hadn't done much of - at how excited he was. Just like a child on Christmas Day.

I patted his hand. "Okay, I'll just go and see the nurses before we leave."

He nodded, and then resumed a well needed conversation with Jasper, whom he hadn't seen in a few weeks. Jasper was a great friend to Charlie too, and with him being in hospital, he hadn't had much contact with the world in general. Getting him talking easily again was one of the things that would probably be harder. He never was a talker, Charlie.

I left his ward to go and search for a nurse. Going up to the small reception area they had, I approached the nurse there, finding it was Angela, who I'd met before. "Hey Angela."

She smiled widely at me, reminding me of what a friendly and open person she was. A real ray of sunshine, and a credit to Forks Hospital. I knew from instinct she was probably one of the most loved nurses here.

"Hello Bella, how lovely to see you again.' She continued to smile, before looking at me closer. This morning, I'd desperately tried to hide the bags under my eyes and the shockingly pale skin I had acquired during the last few dreadful days. This conversation would prove if my hard work had paid off.

Her brow creased. Not a good sign. "Have you been sleeping alright? You look awfully tired. Are you sure you're okay?"

Apparently it hadn't worked.

I sighed, putting on my pretend happy face. "Yes, I guess I'm just a little worried about getting my father home okay. It's such a big thing, getting him home once more, you know."

She nodded, but the look in her eyes told me she didn't quite believe me. Yet, she continued to smile at me, letting her happiness wrap around me like a blanket. It was strangely comforting. "It is, but it'll be great for you to see him home again. He's quite excited - going home has all he'd talked about these last few days."

I nodded. "He's bouncing in his seat as we speak.' We both laughed. "So, are there any papers I need to sign before we leave with him."

She leafed through my files filled with paper until she found one with the name 'CHARLIE SWAN' written in thick black pen on the front. Gathering it into her arms, she looked through the papers until she found what she needed, and laid it in front me. She pointed at various lines which needed my signature. "If you can just sign here,' She pointed to another line. 'And here."

I grabbed a pen and quickly signed those sheets away, glad to finally be getting my father home. However much he enjoyed being cared for here, I knew how thankful he was to be getting home. The surroundings he was used to would be better for his recovery.

I smiled once again at Angela, someone I probably - and hopefully - wouldn't be seeinga gain any time soon. "Thank again, for everything you've done for my father."

She shrugged. "It's my job, but you're welcome."

I went back and gathered my father's bags into my arms, watching as Jasper helped him out of the chair until he could stand, and then we walked down the stairs and out the door into the car park. It took us longer than usual and I couldn't help but feel that Charlie was much more frail than before he had been shot. But that had been expected, and doctor's had warned me that he wouldn't be fighting fit. Getting shot was something that people didn't get over easily.

We eventually got him into the car, with his bags in the boot, and as we drove away he waved at the place that had been his make-shift home the past three weeks.

"Oh, I'm so glad to be going home." He said once more, something that he had repeated a lot of times since we had got to the hospital.

I reached behind from my seat in the front of the car, patting his hand. "We're glad to get you back home, Dad. It's been strange me not going round to cook your tea."

He smiled cheekily. "That's something I've missed too. Your cooking is so much better than that of the hospital, Bells. I can't wait to get some of your homemade lasagne. And my fishing! I'll need to see if Billy's up for a little trip out soon."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Now careful Dad. You might feel fighting fit right now, but you've been ill. You can't just get up and go quickly. You need to rest, and take care of yourself.

I thought I saw him roll his eyes. "Alright, Mum."

Jasper snickered. I smacked his arm and he yelped. "You're no help! Tell him he has to rest!"

Jasper looked behind him a second before turning back to the wheel. "I hate to admit it, but she's right Charlie. You've been through a lot, and it's going to take time to properly heal, you know. It'll be a while before you're going anywhere. I'll have to pop around and we can watch a game or two."

Charlie grinned. "Now that sounds more like it."

"You'll have to make sure Alice is okay with that first, Jas." I reminded him.

Charlie picked up on her name. "Alice? Your new friend Alice?"

I nodded, confident he could see me. "Yeah, and Jasper's girlfriend now."

Charlie patted Jasper's arm. "Well done, Jasper. It's been a long time since I've seen you with a girl. Congratulations. I'll have to meet her sometime, I feel like you're my own son."

Jasper nodded. "We'll arrange it."

I listened to their conversation, happy that things were getting a little bit more normal. I've always appreciated Jasper's bond with my father, and often thanked him for being my father's friend. It was good that Charlie liked me friends and that my friends liked Charlie. It made things like dinners a lot easier. But more than that, I felt it brought Charlie closer into my life. And I'm so glad he was close to me now, because a few years back we were practically strangers. My mother wasn't around anymore, and I hardly ever got a phone call from her, so it was nice to be close to at least one member of my family.

Unfortunately, while I'd been thinking, the attention had been brought back to me.

Charlie leaned forward in his chair as we drove, nearer to me. "What about you, Bells? Anything gone on in your life that you haven't told me about?"

I felt myself come down from the cloud that had raised me up. Jasper looked at me; I could see from the corner of my eye it was out of sympathy. And of all the questions Charlie could have asked me, it had to link to something to do with Edward. I felt that part of my heart ache. I melted into the seat more.

I turned slightly, looking at Charlie then turning back. "Me? Or no… nothing really. Just plodding along."

And thankfully, that was the end of that conversation.

----

When we arrived back at Charlie's house, just a few streets away from mine, I started unpacking his stuff, and putting his dirty clothes in the washing machine. Truthfully, I was trying to get away from my father's prying eyes. He knew something was up; I could feel his knowing in every gaze he gave that looked my way. He didn't say a thing, but it was all there, in his expressions. And I knew he was worried about me, and worry wasn't something I wanted him to do in his condition. So I stayed away, and if I needed to be near him, I tried to act as happy as possible.

After washing, I asked him what he wanted for dinner, and got to work on the lasagne he desperately wanted. Yesterday, to get me and my mind out of the house I'd gone shopping for him. I began to make the lasagne, something I hadn't made since the night of the dinner party. It hurt to think about the last time I'd shared this meal, but I hid the pain. Jasper and Charlie were just around the corner.

After another hour, and when I knew he was comfortable and had everything he needed, I decided to get going, with Jasper dropping my car off at my house with me, then making his way home too. We said goodbye, with me telling him I'd be back soon. I avoided his questioning eyes, and made it to the door.

But Charlie wasn't going to let this go.

As I neared the door, with Jasper saying goodbye to my father, I heard Charlie whispered something about 'fixing what was wrong' with me.

I sighed, letting my head roll into my hand, and for the first time that day letting the happy façade drop.

Because I knew Jasper couldn't fix this.

And only one person could.

Edward.

**A/N; A much quicker update than you, and I, expected. But I just felt like writing today, so here's the new chapter. This story will be picking up a bit soon. Also, a few chapters ago I mentioned Alice's birthday party. You've got that to look forward to soon! So, yeah, I hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

**Also, I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas (or a wonderful day, no matter what you celebrated!). Bring on 2009. I'm hoping to get another chapter up before then, but with the holidays and the lovely holiday homework I've been set, it might be a struggle. Still, I'm gonna update as soon as I can.**

**So, for this chapter, I'd realy love to hit 100 reviews. With the other targets I've set we've got SO close to them, but not reached them. But.... IT'S CHRISTMAS! So have some Christmas spirit, and review!**


	17. Sixteen

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Sixteen.**

Alice slipped her dainty feet into her shoes and did up the laces. It was unusual, but yes, today Alice was going to wear comfy shoes. This was a big thing for her; letting her feet rest and giving the chance to wear her new Gucci heels a miss. She thought it was Jasper's influence. Before Jasper, she would use her appearance to make her feel better about herself. But now Jasper had come along and brightened up her life, she was filled with confidence thanks to his endless complementing. She'd never blushed so much in her life, than when she was with him. But no words could describe what she felt when she was around that man, and wearing her Converse trainers for a day was something she would do now. She no longer felt the need to build herself up using clothes and shoes. She was comfortable with herself, all down to Jasper.

After shrugging into her long fleecy cardigan, and grabbing her bag and phone, she made her way down the stairs, her feet feeling finally at ease. Checking the clock in the kitchen as she past, she realised she was a little late, and needed to hurry up. Quickening her step, she searched for her brother to say goodbye before she exited the house. She could tell he was feeling lonely now, due to the loss of Bella's daily company, and she would now go to extra lengths to make him feel more welcome in her life; welcome in anybody's life, too. His facial expressions told it all nowadays. He felt useless, and the pain she could see when she looked into his eyes hurt her. She'd do anything to help him, but unfortunately there wasn't anything she could do. It wasn't her place to do so. Bella was the only one who had that ability.

She found him where she usually did, unless he had locked himself in his bedroom, or in his piano room. He was standing beside the sink, looking out over the garden, into the distance. She could tell he knew she was there, somewhere in the back of his mind, but he didn't turn to her. This usually meant he had been crying, or was feeling too hurt to talk to anyone. But today, there were none of those clues. She was a little confused, but let it go.

"I'm off out now, Edward." She let her presence known by speaking loudly.

When he turned around he was surprised to see a small smile occupying his face; something she hadn't seen in a long time. The little improvements meant that things were finally getting better.

He leaned back against the counter he was standing by, with his arms placed at either side, fingers splayed across the work surfaces. He eyed her, slightly curious. "Anywhere nice?"

She was careful, since _that_ day, to not mention if she was accompanying Bella anywhere. She'd made that mistake before, and the wincing she'd heard from him that night made her remember not to use _her_ name again in their house. It caused him too much pain, as his name did to her, to let Bella's name be used frequently.

Alice nodded. "Yes. Rosalie finally bought her dance studio, and this is the first time she'd let anyone into it because she'd been decorating it, and organising everything, getting ready for business. So I'm getting to see it today." Alice smiled, she'd been looking forward to this. She didn't really have a thing for dance, even thought she did it as a child, but she knew Rose was excited, and just to see the look of joy, rather than boredom on her face would be enough.

Edward smiled. "Enjoy yourself then."

Her smile fell. "Edward. I really think you should get out. I don't mean come with me today,' She couldn't risk Edward and Bella meeting; it would hurt them both too much, 'but you should at least go out and walk, or something. You've been stuck in this house for days, it can't be good."

He eyed the floor, scuffing his feet on the flooring. "Maybe. I just… don't really have the energy at the moment Alice."

She moved forward, putting her arms around her brother, before whispering into his ear, "I know, Edward, I know. And I know it's hard for you right now. But sitting doing nothing isn't going to help. You need to do… something.' She drew away, picking up her bag once again, but keeping her eyes fixed on Edward. 'Who knows? It might help. Just a little… escape, you know."

He nodded, folding his arms over his broken shell of a body. He smiled softly. "I'll try. But I have got things to do today."

She rolled her eyes, moving towards the front door, with Edward following her to let her out. "Sure you do. You've been so incredibly busy over the last few days." She said sarcastically.

He opened the door, laughing in a hard manner.

She touched his shoulder before going outside, the cold air wrapping around her small body. "You know I'm only joking Edward.' She smiled up at him. 'It's nice to see you smile again."

He looked down, then back up from under his eyelashes. "It's nice to be able to smile again." He answered quietly, before closing the door.

He leant against the closed door, feeling his breath float away into the room. He closed his eyes, trying to deal with the pain. Even just thinking of Bella hurt him. But it had been getting easier, slowly but surely.

He'd been trying to be as upbeat as possible over the last couple of days, but he could tell that his sister saw right through him. He just didn't want to be miserable, especially around his sister since it was her birthday tomorrow. She hadn't mentioned it; she never would, she was too modest. But he wanted to show her that things are getting better for him, because he knew that this was dragging her down too. He'd seen her battling inside, her brother and her friend both hurting. It can't have been easy for her, so he was trying his best to stay on top of the pain he was going through, and finally smile.

He smiled, testing his mouth muscles. Surprisingly, they worked. He felt as if he hadn't smiled in such a long time. Now that he had most of the pain covered up, he was going to smile as much as he could.

He laughed. He'd been telling the truth when he had said he had something to do today. Alice, being the sister she was, had laughed it off with a joke. She just didn't know what he was doing.

He moved off the door, ready to go into the living room and start on his job. Then he doorbell rang. He looked confusedly at the door, before walking back and opening it.

To find Alice.

"Hi! Sorry to keep you from your 'work' but I left my gloves." Alice ran into the house, and flew in and out of doors trying to find what she was looking for. He watched her whiz everywhere, wondering why she had never picked running at school; she'd surely win at the speed she was going - it didn't look human.

His gaze drifted outside. Into the… sunshine? "Alice. It looks sunny outside. Why do you need gloves?"

She sighed, slipping them on, glad she had found them. "It's cold." She replied in a bored tone before stepping around her brother and walking into the 'cold' air again.

His eyebrows raised. "It's August."

She glared at him. "When has Forks ever been known for it's high temperatures?!' She shook her head at him. 'Don't you have something to be getting on with, instead of hanging around at the door?"

He smiled, smirking slightly. "As a matter of fact, I do."

She put her hands on her hips. "What are you going to be doing?" He chuckled; she was curious now. If there was one thing that Alice didn't like, it was not knowing.

So he smiled cockily and replied with, "Something." before closing the door and hearing her irritated sigh from behind the door before her feet marched down the road.

He laughed at her reaction as he wandered through the house, gathering up the pieces of music he had written and the wrapping paper. He had Alice's birthday present to wrap up.

-.-.-

I shuffled my feet from side to side, waiting for Alice to arrive. I was standing outside where Rosalie's new dance studio was - a large building made of glass walls and wood, with a very classy feel. I had been told that the glass was on the outside, so you could see through into the place, but from the inside the glass was actually mirror. I'm not sure how this works, but Rose has assured me and Alice that it looks magical. She had sounded so excited for me to see it on the phone and I had agreed almost straight away. I needed to get out and… do something. Sitting around in my house wasn't good.

I looked down the streets, wishing that Alice would hurry up so they could get inside the building. I know Rosalie is waiting on us, but I don't really want to go in alone. We've only just become friends, and I'd rather have Alice by my side at our first meeting outside my house. Last time we met I was in tears, totally unlike myself. This time, I was feeling a little better and hoped that I could show her who I really was, and get to know her better.

Raising my hand up to my eyes to shade the sunlight (which wasn't helping warm up this town in the slightest). I scanned the area thoroughly, trying to search out Alice's tiny, pixie like form, but she was nowhere to be found. Looking at my watch again I saw she was fifteen minutes late - so unlike her. But I didn't worry; I knew she'd probably just forgotten her gloves or something like that.

Then I saw them.

Walking hand in hand, laughing at what each other had said, looking so in love it made everyone on the street jealous. She had the hand laces with his, her other glove wrapped hand stroking his face as they walked, and then right when they passed me, she pressed her lips to his jaw, making him smile. Maybe I should have stayed in today. I'd rather have not seen that display of affection.

It pained me to see others happy, and I knew this was wrong but I couldn't help it. Other people had managed to be with the people they wanted. I just had to remember that maybe their relationships looked better from the outside, and had problems that lay underneath. I knew that relationships weren't all lovey-dovey. There were hard points too, and the couple that had passed had probably gone through little blips. But their love continued. They had a chance to love again.

I'd had to chance at all.

It was at times like this when I thought of what Edward and I could have become. I'm not sure, but I think we would have worked. We could have been like that couple, sharing our times together. I can see myself with him so clearly, that sometimes I have to wake myself up and remember that my daydreams aren't reality. So far from reality. And that's when the pain comes.

Because I still feel the pain, even thought I try my best to hide it. I keep thinking maybe I'm dragging the pain out instead of sucking it up and moving on completely. But something, and I don't know what, is stopping me. Maybe it's just my hope that things will change. Time will tell, I guess.

Finally, Alice came into my view. She waved from across the street, apology written all over her face. As soon as she crossed the street she started babbling about how she was late and why, before I stopped her. "It's fine." I smiled, and then she stopped, hugging me.

"Let's see Rose's place, then. After all the fuss she's been giving us, I hope it's good!" Alice laughed before leading me by the arm into the building.

It looked as if it should live in a magazine. It wasn't small, but not overly large - cozy, I would say. It suited Rose, with the furnishings suiting her taste, and she looked like a model as she walked up to us from behind the desk in the corner. The first room we had walked into - where we found Rose - was the reception area, It was a small room, filled the plush couches and made me feel at ease as soon as we went in. The desk in the cover, with small filing cabinets around it fitted in just fine.

Rose walked quickly towards us, a smile lighting up her whole face. I could tell she was pleased with the place. It looked stunning. She hugged me tightly. "Thank you for coming, it means so much to me."

She stepped back, spreading her arms wide. "Welcome to **Hale's Dance Academy**."

Alice clapped her hands together, feeling Rose's excited vibe. I smiled widely, taking in the enormity of this grand place that I'd never seen before. "It's beautiful." I whispered, half to myself, but Rose heard it.

She smiled at me, taking my hands in hers. "Wait until you see the rest of this place."

She took us through to another bigger room. It had mirrored panelling and hardwood floors. The room smelt of fresh pine, and the lighting brightened up the entire room, filling it and making it welcoming. At the other end of the room, nearer the corner, stereos had been built in, with the speakers hanging from the ceiling in every corner. It was fantastic, and had a warm feeling. As I looked around, I could imagine lots of dancers in here.

"This will be the main dance studio." Rose explained, unable to keep the smile from her face.

I pointed to the mirrors. "Is this the room you were talking about. The special windows?"

Rose nodded, "Yes. You saw it from outside, surely. It looks like glass but when you actually come in here, it's mirrored." She talked so enthusiastically I'm sure a person who had no interest in architecture would be hanging onto her every word.

Alice looked around, walking to the mirrored walls and tapping them gently, testing their strength. "Do you know how it works? The mirror thing?"

Rose stood with her hands on her hips looking around for no doubt the millionth time. "I have absolutely no idea how it works. It's an illusion. But it works, doesn't it? It manages to look great from the outside and the inside."

I nodded once again. "And it'll fool people who want to break in. They'll think they can break the glass, but it's actually mirror. Didn't you say they made the mirrors extra strong as to prevent crime?".

"I did. They really thought of everything." Rose began to dream again.

Alice walked around, her hands trailing across the mirrored tiles and her feet danced along the flooring. I felt a small pang of jealousy at how light she was on her feet, while I had trouble retaining my balance while standing still. But I smiled; she was happy and one of my friends. Then I looked at Rosalie, watching her eye the room with happiness. Looking at them both I realised that they were both happy, but through different things. Alice finally had that everlasting effectual smile covering her face because of Jasper. Rose, although she was yet to still find love, had found her happiness in something completely different, but equally satisfying to her: dance. And I couldn't help but feel happy too, for both of them. The whole room was filled with joy and excitement.

Rosalie spread her arms once around, turning round and round. She laughed, out and loud as she spun, before stopping. "I can't believe I doubted ever getting this."

Alice laughed, the comment was only meant to be understood by Alice obviously, but I listened along anyway. "Yes, I remember that day when you were so undecided. But you finally have it fixed now. I can't imagine you not having this place, now that I see you in it."

I nodded, agreeing. "Yeah, you look complete in here. Like it's where you want to be."

Rose smiled widely, a wistful look in her eye. "Yes. This is where I want to be. I believe I could stay here and not get bored or unhappy. I've wanted to teach dance for as long as I can remember, and now I have the chance.' She paused, then she glanced at me, our eyes locking. 'Everything turned out okay, in the end." She finished, that point obviously meant for me to hear.

I smiled a small smile, turning to find Alice looking at me too. I nodded, looking down as I moved away from where they were standing to sit down at a bench on the walls of the room. "Yes. It just proves things can turn out for the better." I said quietly.

I continued to watch them as they walked around the rooms together. They gave me some space, realising that they had said what they had said for the good, but knowing I'd need time to adjust again. They were such a great pair of friends to me. I hadn't known them for long, but they knew me so well already. I really don't know what I'd be doing right now if we hadn't had that session. Probably moping around the house, just as I was before they came to the rescue. Because that is what they are trying to do for me. They are trying to rescue me, bring my higher instead of watching me fall, and make me happy again. They are trying their absolutely best, doing everything they can. And I know I haven't made it easy for them, or anyone for that matter - Jasper and my father even realise that things aren't the same as they were before. It's hard for me, to just move on, when things felt so perfect with Edward (even just the few moments we spent together make me continue to hold on). Yes, I continue to hold onto the hope of love finding me again. And yes, that does drive me into more pain. So no matter what my friends do, it doesn't change how I feel.

And no matter how many outings I go to with my friends, I'm still going to feel the pain.

Because no number of trips into the outside world is going to help me heal.

I just have to do that, slowly, on my own.

-.-.-

Jasper walked along the streets, on a path he knew so much better due to the amazing weeks he'd been boyfriend to Alice Cullen. She was truly the most amazing girl he'd ever met, and he couldn't think of a time when he'd been happier than when he had his arms around that girl. She made everything he'd been waiting for make sense. He knew, he just knew, that he loved her. He hadn't told her yet, but he knew she felt the same way. It was written in her eyes; probably duplicated what he looked like too. And he believed everyone should feel like this, and should have the chance to be in love. Which was why he was doing what he was doing today.

He'd told Charlie he would fix it, and now he was on a mission that would, hopefully, put all the broken pieces of both Edward's and Bella's hearts back together. He was planning to saving the day.

He knew Alice was away looking at Rosalie's new dance studio, which gave him the perfect opportunity to go and talk to Edward alone. Since the mix up between Bella and Edward he had been around at Alice's house a number of times, and had been able to see the pain that Edward was going through - the same as Bella was. He wasn't best friends with Edward yet, but he knew that he wanted to get to know his girlfriends brother better, especially for the future. And that was why he was taking steps today, that would hopefully leave Edward with a jump in _his step_, with Bella, quite soon.

He stood outside the house he'd been outside many times before, with a new feeling of nervousness in his stomach. Before he had time to run, he pressed the doorbell, hearing it ring from the inside, and waited on the doorstep for it to open.

He didn't have to wait too long. After a few seconds, a tired and weary looking Edward appeared, several pieces of cello tape stuck to his body and clothing.

Jasper's smile widened. "Wrapping Alice's gift, I see?"

Edward looked down at himself and laughed along with Jasper, his cheeks tinting slightly red. "You can say that again. Do you want to come in? Alice isn't here…"

Jasper walked past Edward, taking off his coat and hanging it on one of the free pegs beside the door. He nodded, looking at Edward. "Yeah, I know. Um… I actually wanted to speak to you."

Edward's head jerked up to his, and panic shot through his eyes. He nodded slowly. "Okay, sure. Do you want something to drink?"

Jasper answered yes and they made their way to the kitchen, passing Edward's gift wrapping station in the process. Jasper laughed, and Edward turned to see what was so funny. "You're wrapping something which is A4 size. That's easy - even I can do that. How did you have so much trouble?" He pointed to the pieces of cello tape covering Edward's form.

Edward simply shrugged. "I'm not sure. I guess wrapping up presents just isn't my strong point."

They made their way through to the kitchen, the radio playing in the background, musical notes flowing into the room, making it feel more homey. Jasper took a seat at the table while Edward fixed them some coffee. A few moments later they were sitting opposite each other, Jasper sipping on his coffee, while Edward attempted to get rid of the cello tape.

"You missed a bit."

Edward chuckled, then his smile slipped. "I always seem to mess it up right at the end, don't I?"

A silence overtook them. It was edgy, with Jasper moving awkwardly in his seat, playing off that he was trying to get comfy. Edward looked down into his coffee, figuring out what to say while trying to keep the images of Bella's fallen face out of him mind.

Jasper finally spoke. "I actually came to talk to you about Bella."

Edward's eyes remained down. When he heard her name now, it was easier to handle. He now no longer winced; he was flooded with memories of their time together. "I didn't mean to hurt her. That was never my intention."

Jasper nodded, even thought Edward wasn't looking. "I know that. And I also know that you feel terrible for inflicting the pain she's going through right now, especially when you didn't mean it.' He paused, watching as Edward eventually looked up from his mug, his eyes full of unshed tears. 'I just wanted to know… what you feel for Bella, that's all. I've heard it from Alice many times. But I just…" He trailed off, unsure of what he was asking.

Edward seemed to understand. He put his hands on the table, ready to tell his story. "Two months ago, before Bella's name had even entered my mind, I wouldn't have thought a second about settling down, and being in love. It just wasn't there for me; there was no-one I came across that made those images jump into my head. Then Bella appeared.' He looked up, catching Jasper's eyes. Jasper was listening intently. 'She was like a light bulb, brightening everything around me and making me - a seemingly blind man - see again. She woke me up. And she didn't even know I was reacting this way. She didn't know she was doing this. The piano lessons I gave her were in a sense, the only thing I was living for. And now… they are gone."

He used the back of his hand to wipe away one of the tears which had fallen, while trying to maintain and strong voice. He was failing. "I love her so much it hurts to love her. But there is no cure. I can't run from what I feel. You must know what I'm talking about - the feeling of loving someone so much. I can see it in your eyes.' Jasper nodded. Then Edward continued. 'I just wish things hadn't ended in the way they did, before they had even had a chance to begin. I wish I could tell her how I feel and explain."

Jasper spoke. "Then why don't you?"

Edward looked up at Jasper thinking he was mad.

Jasper shook his head. "It sounds like I'm talking rubbish, I know. I just… I see what is happening to both of you, every day nearly. I see you both breaking apart. And I can't help thinking that everything would be better if you just… shared what you feel. If you just told her everything you told me."

Edward put his head in his hands. "When would I tell her?"

Jasper stood up and walked around to Edward's side, patting his shoulder in a friendly way. "Why, tomorrow night at Alice's birthday party, of course."

And right there, Jasper had completed his mission.

**A/N; Another chapter done and dusted. This was one of the most natural chapters to come. When I'm thinking of what to write, I see it like a movie in my head. One of my favourite types of movie is comedy, hence the part with the cello tape. Tehe. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I wanted to keep readers thinking of what Edward and Bella are feeling, but also remind them that time is moving on with the other characters too.**

**Oh, and I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year when it comes around. 2008 went so quickly, like a whirlwind, but I can't wait for 2009 to begin. Good luck to everyone for next year.**

**And yeah, if you'd like to review, they're appreciated.**


	18. Seventeen

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Seventeen.**

I signed my name at the bottom of Alice's birthday card, giving away all the good luck and happiness I want her to have. Birthday's are a special time for some people, but personally they weren't my favourite. Christmas - that was a different story. But Alice was a special person to me; a friend whom I've grown to love and trust very much over the last month. So for tonight, I'm willing to put away all my bad thoughts and opinions about birthdays and celebrate with her.

It was a relatively small get together she had planned in the beginning. When we had sat together, Alice, Rose and I, we had thought about it being just us, then Alice wanted the boys, and then there was the old friends, and school friends, and work colleagues. The list just got larger. It had started with three and was now up to thirty. That couldn't be helped of course. When you are planning to go to a friends birthday do - a friend who everyone loves and is special to many people - a small party isn't in order. Many people wanted to come, and although I'm not a fan of being around new people (the shyness comes out in me) I'm actually looking forward to meeting Alice's other friends.

I haven't let myself think too much about who else will be there. It's inevitable that her brother will be attending. And I don't blame her for inviting him and possibly making me uncomfortable. She's welcome to have him there; it's her party, and he's her brother. But seeing him in the flesh is a lot different to seeing him in my thoughts, when I can make judgements that may be wrong because he's not there to confirm them. And when I can think that the love I hold for him is lessening. I know for a fact that once I see him the love I feel for him will come flowing from my every pore. And no doubt the hurt I feel will increase too.

Still, I will not let myself think too deeply about that particular subject. It's Alice's day, or night it seems, and I will not let myself be down. She's been such a great friend to me, I will not spoil this for her all because of the pain I'm going through. I'm sure Edward feels the same way.

I stand up and make my way through to the kitchen, dumping my empty coffee mug into the sink, ready to be washed tomorrow morning when I have nothing better to do than to wallow in the 'what if's' which consume my life. Then I come back through to the living room, picking up the card ad putting it beside Alice's present so I don't forget it. Glancing at the clock I realise that I only have ten minutes.

That is, until Rose arrives.

Rose. Such a lovely name, given to such a sweet person, but one who also, like many of us, has her faults. She uses too many swear words in the same sentence, is often crude, and shows her dislikes very clearly, especially if it's a person. But she's wonderful, I've come to find, and I'm so glad that I've met her. She's the sort of friend I need - someone who is strong, and who oozes confidence. Because I am none of those things. But the thing that gets me most is that when you talk to her, she gives you her full attention. Nothing is more important than the words you speak, and to me that's comforting. She's so different to the likes of Alice, yet as my friends they compliment each other very well, and we all get on. Her and Alice have been my rock these past two weeks, and without them and their caring words of advice, I doubt I'd be surfacing tonight, let alone going to a party where he would be attending.

But yes, she is arriving soon. One of the regular phone calls us girls share told her that I needed assistance in what to wear this evening - I'd never been a fashion savvy. So she'll be here soon, raiding my wardrobe and stuffing me into outfits I've not seen in years. Fun - maybe for her, but not for me.

I walk up the stairs, taking two at a time with one hand on that trusty rail - it's broken many falls of mine and for that I'm forever thankful. After arriving in my bedroom, I quickly tidy. This afternoon I decided to do something I haven't done in a long time. Look over the songs I'd created. It was strange, I used to write almost every day. But with everything that has happened, writing just hasn't been in me. So today, I sat down with my box of tissues (God knows I used them!) and read what I'd written. Most of the songs I was pleased with, others had minor alterations, but at the end I felt satisfied. The one thing I wished for after that, though, was to be able to put them to music. I had come on leaps and bounds in the lessons I had had. And I'm pretty sure I'd at least be able to get chords down, if not a full tune. But unfortunately I don't have a piano, so I couldn't practise even if I wanted to.

I pick up My Book, which had been lying on my bed, open for the world to read, and stuffed it into one of my drawers I was sure no-one would look in, but I know I'll remember to find it there. I might be clumsy, but forgetful just isn't something I am.

Amongst tidying the doorbell rang, signalling Rosalie's arrival, and I quickly scurried making my room as presentable as possible. Rushing down the stairs, and tripping on the last stair, I answered the door to a stunning Rosalie. Her hair was washed and preened to perfection, straight as a poker, except for the ends which were slightly curled. Her makeup was flawless, as usual, and she wore a bright red, shocking dress which showed off her wonderful body and long legs. Her feet were topped off in black peep-toes, and apart from thinking she looked like a goddess, I wondered if I'd ever look a tiny bit as good as Rosalie.

She smiled her large, welcoming smile, and wrapped her arms around me while shuffling herself in the door. She kissed my cheek, with me hoping her red lipstick didn't stain, and then she stepped back to take a look at me. She didn't look too pleased, but then she smiled and patted my shoulder.

"We'll get you looking gorgeous in no time." She announced, but I doubt she'll ever get my looking anything like she does - she looks amazing.

After dropping her clutch bag and Alice's birthday present on my living room couch, she took my hand and led me up the stairs, and into my bedroom. After leaving me sitting on the bed, I pointed to the wardrobe and she began sifting through my limited clothing range. After going through them a few times, she stood back, her legs apart and her hands on her hips, staring into the wardrobe.

Then she turned to me. "Did you want a shower, and wash your hair? This could take a while."

I grinned at her, and she rolled her eyes. "Sure, I'll be back soon."

"Take as long as you want. This clothing business will take longer than I expected it to be."

I grabbed my washing bag and then turned to her. "Don't say I didn't warn you about it. But you, you were the one that said you could, and would, work miracles with my wardrobe.' I pointed into the bunches and piles of clothes. 'Get to work."

Once I'd stepped into the shower and was letting the water run down my body, taking away the days grime, I began to think about… Edward. What would I do when I saw him today? Would it be painful to see him? Would seeing him prove my improvements? Would seeing him finally show me that I didn't love him as much I know I do? If being in love is anything, it's surely confusing. There is so many things you have to think about. Because love isn't like that of the movies. It isn't simple, with hand and hand walks in the park and on the beach. It's a struggle, which happens to have a prize at the end. Most of the time.

Seeing him was something that was unavoidable, I'd accepted that now. And I've also realised that I've been avoiding the entire situation by not seeing him. There have been many times in the last few weeks where I could have taken the opportunity to see him. I could have walked right over there today, sat him down and told him straight to his face how I feel. But doing that, and even thinking about that, only brings out the insecurities I feel about myself, and about a possible relationship with him. Because, if anything, it would be completely ridiculous for someone like Edward - a god in his own right - to like someone of my standards.

So you see, I've been avoiding Edward, and avoiding sorting anything out. Because if I did sort it out, and the outcome wasn't what I wanted, it would only tear me into more pieces than I'm already in. I'd rather settle for the pain I'm currently going through, than make it worse by knowing exactly what he thinks of me. Which can't be good; can't be anything like the way I think of him; absolutely can't be love.

I swiftly cleaned my hair, conditioned it so it was smooth for Rosalie's fine hands, and then turned the water off, wrapped a towel around me after drying and moved back through to my bedroom. We were supposed to be at the house by six, and it was now half four. We had plenty of time.

Rose had gone to work straight away, it seemed. Lying on my bed were several possible outfit choices, teamed together with shoes at the bottom of the bed, and no doubt hair and makeup ideas in Rosalie's head. She was fully prepared. She smiled as I walked in, and smirked at my shocked face.

"You told me to 'get to work'. I think you'll find I did." She gestured to the pieces of clothing covering my bed. "You see, Bella. You actually have a sense of style, you just don't know what goes with which. So that's why I'm here to help, and Alice of course."

I went over and hugged her. "Thank you. I'd probably have turned up in jeans if you haven't offered to help me get ready."

She looked genuinely surprised, and a little disgusted too. Oops. She shook her head. "Jeans, my dear, for a party, are a no-no. Please, promise me right now, that you will never wear jeans to a party again. Jeans for normal day to day are fine. Party? No."

I giggled, something that was coming more naturally now. "Okay, okay. I promise. Now, what do you want me to do."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, unless you were planning on going commando, I think a bra and panties set is a must. Choose something nude, Bella."

A few minutes later, I was standing in front of Rose - uncomfortably, might I add - in nothing but my underwear. I covered my stomach with my arms, trying to shield her eyes from looking at me. I had never been confident, especially not with my body or shape. It's just something I do; I try and hide behind baggy and less flattering clothing. But apparently, Rosalie didn't want this.

She took my arms and pried them off my stomach, looking me straight in the eye. "Bella. Don't cover yourself from others. Be confident. You are a beautiful girl. There's no need to think otherwise."

Five minutes later I was in the first outfit. It was a dress - not something you would see me in regularly - and it was pink - again, not something I usually wear. I racked my brain while Rosalie fastened many zips and buttons, as to wear I had got this dress from. I'm pretty sure I haven't bought anything pink in my life.

She smirked. "So maybe not all the ideas here are from your closet." I playfully whacked her arm for cheating, but laughed anyway. She walked around me, looking at me critically, but still in a friendly way. Then she told me to put the shoes on, and she ushered me over to the mirror, holding my hair in place as to wear she saw it going. She looked from one side, then the other. Then she shook her head. "I'm sorry; pink just isn't for you."

Off came one outfit and on came the other. This time it was trousers, but not the kind I would normally wear. It wasn't as feminine as the other outfits she had, but what she had put together was something I actually liked. It was high waist trousers, wide at the bottom so you only saw a little of the high heeled shoe beneath. The trousers had straps attached as to put over the arms, and below that was a deep purple, silk blouse, with small frills on the short sleeves. I liked this one much more than the pink dress, but Rose thought I'd look better in option three.

I actually agreed. We both thought that option three had to be worn. And we hadn't experimented with the shoes or hair. As soon as I slipped the silky dress over my head I felt so much more confident. It was a blue colour, which complemented my skin tone, and it had a slight plunge neck, accentuating my chest. It fell to just above the knee, and was topped off with black heels, not to high but not to low.

She turned around to face me from the front and looked at me. She looked pleased. "That is a wonderful dress for you, Bella. The colour sets it off beautifully. You look… stunning. He'll be knocked off his feet." The last bit she whispered, probably hoping I wouldn't hear, but I did. And instead of the comment hurting, I felt myself stand stronger and have more hope for the night to come.

By quarter to six I was ready, with my hair and makeup done, and my coat already on. Presents were in my hands and my bag was on my shoulder. All that was left to do was to go out, enjoy myself and celebrate with my friend. That, and to let my nerves calm about seeing Edward again. What I would do when I saw him, would be a surprise to both of us.

-.-.-

She looked beautiful. He thought Alice looked like a princess, with her face able to light up an entire room, and that was exactly what it was doing. She oozed happiness as she walked around the room, taking her time and mingling with the guest to her birthday party. And all he could think of was how much he felt for her today, and every day since he had met her.

She completed him, he realised now. And whenever she wasn't near, he'd feel a loss. He knew what it was: it was love. They hadn't been together long, but he was sure of it now. And he needed to tell her, desperately, before he exploded.

He toyed with his glass of wine, hanging around in one of the corners with some of the other men here. He'd rather have talked to Edward, who was more of a friend now due to their talk yesterday, but he was nowhere to be seen. Jasper hoped he would make an appearance tonight, and keep to what he was supposed to do. If things went okay tonight, he'd tell his girlfriend he loved her wholeheartedly, and also have two friends on the path of love. A path they are already on, but without the other knowing. Love never claimed to be simple, did it.

He returned to his favourite pastime of the night; watching his amazing girlfriend walk around the room and talk to the various people here for her tonight. Every so often, they would catch each others eye and Jasper would want to pull her off into the garden and kiss her senseless, but he knew he couldn't do that. He would, however, find a time to get her alone and give her his present. It was something that was special to him, and he didn't want to do it with an audience.

He sat down at a chair near by and waited until she made her way around to him. It didn't take too long. As soon as Alice saw he was alone, she walked right over to him and sat herself down on his lap, kissing his cheek as she went.

He rubbed his thumb up her arm, watching as she shivered in pleasure. "Having fun?"

She nodded, turning to him fully. "It's great fun! I love parties. Especially my own birthday party. But you know what?' I shook my head no while my lips moved over the skin of her neck. She moaned slightly. 'Having you here with me, makes it all the more special."

He drew away, and watched her as she looked him straight in the eyes and told him of her feelings for him. They didn't need words, but he needed reassured of what she felt for him. So he took her hand, and with their eyes still connected he stood up and said, 'Take a walk with me.' Then they slipped into the garden.

They walked around for a while, Jasper's arms wrapped around her small waist, while her hand was entwined with him. The occasional stolen kiss made the moment even more perfect, and the fairy lights which decorated the trees in her garden made them feel as if they were in a fairytale. Her the princess (and with how she looked tonight, he thought it true) and with him her prince. She believed that, knowing that before him she had wished on the perfect guy - Jasper was it for her.

He took her by the hand some time later, and led her to a small bench at the end of the garden, fairy lights decorating the wood as well. He sat her down, the nerves in his stomach bubbling away. He stroked her cheek lightly, watching her expressions and her eyes for the love they showed. "Alice, I hope you know how much you mean to me.' He looked down. 'Without you, life doesn't seem right somehow, now."

She squeezed his hand, which she was holding. "Thank you Jasper. You've woken me up, I believe. And I hope you know how much you mean to me."

He looked up into her eyes once more. "But today, I want to tell you just how much you mean to me. So, I thought, I'd give you… um… your present now."

He watched as she eyes began to sparkle. She clapped her hands excitedly. "Present?! Yay."

He handed it over, watching as she acted like a kid on Christmas, ripping the paper to shreds, eager to get into the present she had been given. He watched as the box fell into her waiting hands, and he eyes began to glisten with unshed tears of joy.

She ran one of her hands through Jasper's hair. "Jas, you shouldn't have."

"But I wanted to."

She opened the box carefully, afraid of breaking what ever was inside. The velvet box clicked open, the lid shooting upwards, and she gasped as she took in what was inside. Her fingers travelled over the delicate chain of the necklace, and the small heart shaped locket on the end. "It's beautiful, Jasper. Thank you."

Jasper slid closer to her. "Open the locket." He whispered; talking louder would have spoilt the moment. Their eyes met, and then she opened the locket. The words _'I love you'_ were engraved inside, and the whole world seemed to stop as Jasper waited for her reaction.

One single tear dripped down from her eye, trailing casually down to her chin, before it was caught with Jasper's thumb. She sniffed slightly, before their eyes locked once more. "Jas… I-I…"

He stopped her. "I don't expect you to say it back; it's early in our relationship. But just… know it's true. I really… I do love you, Alice."

She cupped his cheek, bringing him closer. "And I love you, Jasper."

Then their lips joined.

-.-.-

He sat and stared out of his window, waiting for her to arrive. The nerves in his stomach were overwhelming, and just the thought of talking to her, or even seeing her, made him scared. Was he doing the right thing, telling her how he felt? He'd surely be brought down with more pain if she rejected him. It was hard, not knowing how this would turn out. For once, he really wished he knew a mind reader.

Sighing, he threaded one of his hands through his hair, with his eyes still stuck on the glass of his window. From his place he could see when everyone arrived. He'd seen Jasper, all his sister's work friends, and even some friends from school whom he'd completely forgot existed. But none of those people mattered to him as much as the person he was waiting for.

Bella.

He'd played her piece of music over and over again that day, trying to grasp some confidence from the lines and notes that had formed at the sound of her name. He felt that if he could get some relief from his nerves from anywhere, it would be something connected with her. And the only thing he had left of her was that single piece of music. He piece that had haunted his every move since the day she had walked out his door.

He looked down at what he was wearing, wondering if this was appropriate attire for what he was about to do. But was their a uniform for telling someone they hold your heart? He guessed no - so the smart black jeans and button white shirt with stylish slim black tie would have to do.

His hands twisted and turned as he waited to see her again. He hadn't seen her in more than two weeks, with only his memories of her beautiful features to remind him of her. He was sure his memory didn't serve her justice. From what he remembered, he was frequently stunned by her beauty. To him, she was nothing but dazzling. And he'd do anything - including telling her over and over again his feelings, no matter his nerves - to get her into his arms, where he believes she belongs.

And then, out of nowhere, his angel appeared. She looked a vision, with her blue dress highlighting the colour of her skin perfectly, and her curls tamed slightly, layering down her back, making her look magical. He had been right; no memory of anyone's would be better than the real thing. And here she was standing outside his house, something she hadn't done of some time now. He felt so close he could touch. And God knows he wanted to.

And then her vision was gone as she stepped into the house with Rosalie by her side. The light which had been there from the opening door vanished as it was shut behind, and the street outside he turned completely dark. He stood, taking one last look at the broken man he was, and left he room in the hope that tonight he would be healed.

He took his time down the stairs, hopefully giving her enough time to have searched for Alice, and to have got a drink. His hand on the banister stayed there as he stood on one of the higher steps looking down at the small crowd of people in his hose; the venue for Alice's party. He saw his sister, with her glowing face, and he instantly smiled, thankful she was happy.

And then she appeared once more. Having a closer look made her image even more spectacular. Her beautiful face, her deep eyes, her long neck just wanting to his nuzzled, and her body - one of a goddess. She was just as stunning as when he had seen her all those months back, in the car, with tears running down her face. Because yes, he had found her beautiful then. And she was beautiful now, too.

It was as if she could feel his presence in the room, or as if she could feel his lusting eyes dancing over her body and face, because she turned, and Edward's breath caught. She was standing straight in front of him. He took his time to run his eyes up her form, memorising, just in case things didn't go as planned. He hoped, of course, that they would go exceedingly well, and that they would be together by the end of the night. Only time would tell.

Then time stopped, and their eyes locked.

He'd never felt more in love with her than he did now.

**A/N; Yep, another cliff-hanger! Don't you just love them? I do, tehe. So that's another chapter, and I hope that everything was cleared up. Some people were confused about why Edward or Bella hadn't told the other of their feelings yet, so I hope, after reading this, you know the answers now. **

**I realise I've been updating a lot quicker than normal due to the lovely holidays. Unfortunately, no matter how much I wish the holidays would never end, I have school to return to, and therefore these quick updates will be less frequent. I'm gonna try and get a chapter a week, though, so hold on. I also have other projects I will be working on. There is a poll on my profile page for the idea of a sequel to one of my completed HSM stories. If you are interested, and haven't voted yet, get to my profile!**

**Anyways, I hope you all had a wonderful new year! Good luck to everyone, and best wishes for 2009. I have a feeling this year is going to be a good one. :)**

**So, to celebrate the beginning of 2009, let's review!**

**Thanks guys.**


	19. Eighteen

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Eighteen.**

She stood in the corner of the room, eying the pair closely, with neither of the suspects knowing she was looking; with them not knowing anyone was in the room, except each other. She doubted they even knew where they were at this moment. The few seconds that had passed. You could see in both there eyes, the secret want to be together, with only each other.

It was as if the whole world has stopped around them. They were in their own bubble, unsure of when it would burst; unsure of when reality would strike; unsure of when the pain they had both been suffering would surface, but it seemed that neither of them cared in the slightest. Because all that mattered right now was that they were together, even if they were apart.

She didn't want herself to feel jealousy, but it seemed that all the people in her circle of friends were in love. She knew what it had put both the couples through - one complete joy, one complete pain - but it wasn't as if she'd never experienced love herself. She knew exactly what it felt like. She knew what it felt like to love someone so much it hurts, like Bella and Edward. But Rosalie also knew what it felt like to love someone, and watch them hurt you physically and emotionally, with no way of stopping them. Not wanting to stop them. Because the only thing you want is for your heart to be intact; for your heart to be beside it's owner. Even if the owner is doing you harm.

Rose shook her head, clearing the thoughts that had escaped through the wall she had built her brain around. There were things she would allow herself to remember, others she wouldn't.

From her space in the snug little corner of Alice and Edward's living room, she watched the people surrounding her, with their happy faces. There was the birthday girl, looking like the angel she was, with the man that loved her standing by her side. One hand around her waist, Jasper protected his property from the prying eyes of the few men which decorated the room. He would whisper sweet nothings into her ear, and she would begin to glow even more than she already was. Rose sighed; that wasn't the kind of love she had experienced, but it seemed perfect. And she knew Jasper and Alice were perfect for each other.

At the other side of the room stood two of Alice's guy friends from work. One stood scanning the room just as she was, the other was edging closer and closer to his ultimate goal: the snack table. They talked casually, with neither of them keeping up much conversation. The one in the grey shirt she recognised as one of the endless list of men Alice had once set her up with. It was hard to convince that little pixie that dating wasn't on her agenda right now. Her career, and the dance studio she revered was the only thing worth working on right now.

Across from her, standing in a little circle in the room, was a few other friends from Alice's work. She knew Alice wasn't in a deep friendship with either of them, but they were work mates, and it seemed only fair to invite them. Each was dressed to the nines, with their high heels making them clutch to each other to keep steady, and their short dresses made Rosalie certain they would ride up when they sat down. Another thing she was fairly certain of was the fact that they had all dressed up this way because of Edward. Alice, being the loving sister she is, has a picture of him in her locker. Rosalie mentally laughed; she knew Alice only had it there out of the goodness of her heart - she was continually scared for his welfare. But as soon as word had spread that he would be attending his sister's party, Alice had self invited invitations flying up from everywhere. She'd settled it down to the four girls still standing in the middle, yet to notice the man they were looking for, who was standing on the stairs.

But he definitely wouldn't have noticed her.

It seemed, to Rosalie, that the only person he was seeing was Bella. His eyes hadn't moved from the first moment they had seen each other, granted it had only been a minute. The love that shone in his eyes was plain to see, and she wondered how Bella ever could have doubted his love.

She stood up and started circling the room. She just hoped that neither of them would have a broken heart by the end of the night.

-.-.-

I can't believe I'm here. I can't believe I managed to get into the house without running back down the driveway and making a break for my house - but that was mostly due to Rosalie grabbing me so tightly and hauling me into the house. But most of all, I can't believe I'm standing here, looking at the beautiful man (whom I love), and it's amazing that I haven't either thrown my arms around him yet or started crying. At the moment I feel like doing both. My heart just can't decide, I guess.

So I stick to just looking at him, admiring Edward. He is so gorgeous. From head to toe, I love each and every part of him, including his wonderful soul. I don't think anyone could love this man more than I do. It would be impossible. Because you'd be dying with love.

All those moments over the last few weeks; all those times I have avoided going to him; all the times I have even tried to avoid Alice because she was such a connection to him (I'll have to apologise to the choir later); and all those times when I cried. They seem like nothing right now. They have all petered away into nothingness. The only thing I feel is the overwhelming sense of happiness, being here and so close to Edward. If I'd know I would feel like this - that everything I have been mourning over would vanish - then I'd have come to him ages ago. Because, just like I knew he would be, he's my saviour. The only person that could take me out of the misery I felt. And so far, it seems to be working.

I can't feel a thing, but then again, I can't hear anyone else, can't see anyone else. It's just him and me, with only that niggling voice in the back of my head reminding me we're not alone. We are surrounded by each other, even though we are a few spaces apart. I can think of only him. I wonder if he's thinking of only me.

But I mustn't get ahead of myself.

The pain I've gone through, the relief I'm only just experienced, cannot be compromised. I want to stay in this state of bliss for as long as I can. But in my heart of hearts (because God knows I'm not for listening to my head!) I know he cannot feel the same way. I might be coping now, but I can't let myself think past tonight. For nothing will happen, and only one positive thing about Edward will come out of this experience: the fact I can stand around Edward without breaking down.

The last time I was here, breaking down was the only thing I could do. But I won't let myself tonight, not on the night of Alice's birthday. The good thing is that I don't feel as if I'll break down. I don't feel anything, except his eyes, lingering on me. It's not that I don't like it, or that I can't stand him looking at me - quite the opposite in fact. It's the fact that I can't allow myself to hope.

So with reluctance, I drop my eyes.

And miss the expression of sadness flash in his eyes.

---

The evening was progressing without any hitches. As usual, Alice, my pixie friend, was being the best host imaginable. She was everywhere at once, welcoming others, conversing with old friends, and no doubt making new ones along the way. Of course, Jasper was by her side the entire evening. They were inseparable nowadays.

Soon enough we were being told to enter the dining room. It was one of the rooms I hadn't been in, so I was very excited to see it. Over the phone, and by Rosalie on the way here, I'd been told of the decorations set in place for this evening. She'd made the house look beautiful, and yet another room was decorated in the same fashion. Little fairy lights were streaming from the walls, and some on the floor. It was airy and lovely, just right for her party. The rooms gave an essence of her; the gorgeous person she was, inside and out.

We were shuffled up to the three rather large tables in the room, each displaying name tags beside the serviettes - which happened to be shaped as doves. Alice had style. I glanced around the room, searching for my table. Upon seeing Alice and Jasper's names together, I made a guess that I would be at the same table. I was correct, and took my seat, as Rosalie came and sat down to my left, Alice to my right.

And then Edward directly in front of me.

I let my thoughts wonder for a second, relishing in his delicious scent and form. Just looking at him made my heart beat quicken and made me become breathless. I wondered how on earth I would get through the dinner, with him looking right at me. I couldn't look anywhere else. He was the only thing my vision could see. I was aware of the others, but all my senses were tuned to him. I was beginning to think that I had been attuned to him from birth.

But of course, I wasn't going to get carried away…

Alice's fork tapping against her glass alerted me to the fact that the dinner was about to begin. Around the room were several waiters, all dressed in uniforms. I hadn't realised that Alice had brought in waiters for this evening. But like I said before, Alice has style.

My friend, beaming widely, stood up from her seat, with Jasper's hands resting in hers, as she began to speak. "Hello everyone. I just wanted to say, before we begin, how great my night has already been, thanks to everyone being here. I'm having an amazing birthday already - and we've only just started!' Everyone laughed with her, until she looked down and eyed the food hungrily. 'So, thanks again, and let's dig in!"

That was the only signal anyone needed, and all at once forks and knifes were being picked up and attacking the dishes in front. The salad was amazing, and for a moment I let myself think of what this was costing her. I'd never liked people spending too much money, even if it wasn't me spending the money. But, it was her birthday - her day - and she could do as she wished.

For a few minutes everyone concentrated on their food, unable to talk. But after a few minutes, the conversation began. The birthday girl began first. "So, how is everyone enjoying their evening?"

Everyone, all at once, began to gush at how lovely the evening was turning out to be, in turn making her tiny cheeks blush. Then I added, "But more importantly, how are you enjoying your evening?"

She smiled even wider, if that was possible. "It's amazing. And so great to have all of you here. It's been a while, longer than a while… since everyone has been together."

Rosalie leaned over me and patted her hand. "And I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say that spending it with you, makes this evening, and any evening even better. Happy Birthday Alice. We all love you so much."

At that moment we all raised our glasses.

"To Alice."

The glasses shot forward, everyone eager to click with each other, wanting to get the alcohol into their system. I took my time - alcohol had never been my favourite - and reached over, clinking my glasses with each and every person. Until I got to him. Our glasses collided, the mixtures in each glass sloshing inside. If they spilled, I wouldn't have noticed. As our glasses came together, our fingers brushed, and I couldn't have been the only one that felt that. That spark which I had always felt before, beneath the surface of our old friendship. I looked up, just as he did, and for the second time that night out eyes locked, each other dancing in each others expressions. It was a magical moment.

Which ended all too soon.

I downed my drink steadily, putting the glass back down, and going back to my meal. I felt no pain; just on a cloud of happiness for everything; for spending time with my friends, with Edward especially. It was a shame I was afraid of my cloud deflating.

To deflect my thoughts from the glorious man sitting opposite me, I asked Alice "Did you get anything nice for your birthday?"

I watched as her face lit up once more, and her hand melted into Jasper, a small blush forming on his cheeks. She turned to us all. "Well, I haven't opened my presents yet. But… Jasper couldn't wait to give me his." Her fingers went straight to the delicate necklace I hadn't noticed she was wearing, and she touched it with the utmost care and love. It had a small heart-shaped locket at the end, and I couldn't help but look at Jasper, catch his eye, and give him a look that said 'You are making her so happy. Thank you.'

She gazed over at her boyfriend. "It says inside, 'I love you'. How sweet is that?!"

The girls at our table took time to 'aww' at his gesture, while I noticed Edward send him a small smile, saying that this was okay. I knew deep down Jasper really wanted Edward's approval, and no doubt he would do anything to win it. He was truly in love with Alice Cullen.

After the first course was finished, the waiters hurried around gathering our dirty plates. As we were waiting for the cook to finish preparing the main course, many people came up and said hello to Alice, who was delighted to talk to everyone around her. I watched Jasper, who eyed her with all the adoration in the world. It was beautiful to see me best friend, the one man I've never thought as a settle-down man, in love with another of my friends. I couldn't think of a better pair.

Rosalie and I talked casually while we waited; the others were already in conversation. She talked about her dance studio, and how everything was going alone splendid. I couldn't be happier for her.

And then I looked at Edward. It definitely wasn't the first time that night that I'd wished I was sitting closer to him. Even sitting across the table, his scent was overpowering. It surrounded me, like a soothing blanket, taking away every painful memory of the past few weeks. He was talking to another woman - a work friend of Alice's, I'd been told. She looked beautiful, tall, with flowing golden hair. I realised, with sadness, that this was the exact type of woman I had always imagined him with. When I looked to and fro between them, they seemed like they should be modelling for Vogue - completely flawless. And that was when I felt the first stab of pain that night. I almost winced. I told myself not to get ahead, and definitely not full of hope!

The waiters entered the room again, dishes making their hands full, and they walked with so much concentration, making sure not to drop anything. They put our plates in front of us, then went to stand back at their places. I was sure they would get bored at some point, especially the one's who looked no older than 16 and who were probably only doing it for the money. But they continued to be silent and not bother any of us.

As we started the main course, digging into the delicious salmon, Jasper looking up at me. "Bella, I forgot to ask,' He quickly swallowed the food he was eating. His question must have just popped into his mind. 'How is Charlie doing? I meant to go around earlier, after promising to watch the football with him. Is he getting any better?"

All eyes were on me, their curious gazes wondering who Charlie was. I glared slightly at Jasper, for asking me about it while others were around. I had never been one to talk about my family in public, especially if no-one knew of them. My family history wasn't something I liked to often repeat, and even thinking of it made me tense with sadness. But, on the bright side, I realised if I told them now, the subject may never come up again.

So I rested my knife and fork on my plate, and picked up my glass for something to hold. I looked at Jasper, apologising slightly, and smiling. "He'd getting on much better, thanks Jasper. His wound is healing well, and he is finally getting over the shock of it all. Did I mention that the nurses said he was having nightmares?"

Jasper shook his head, worry evident in his eyes. He'd always seen Charlie as a second father, after both his parent's died in his teenage years. "No, you didn't."

I nodded. "Well, thankfully, he has overcome that. So yes, he is getting to much better, which is great."

Alice looked at me. "Who is Charlie, Bella? I've never heard him mentioned before."

I placed my glass back down, starting to cut up my food again. "My father." I choked.

I still frequently got emotional about Charlie. When I think back to the day I almost lost him, it breaks my heart. I always think of how much my life was when I moved back to be with him. He'd the only piece of family I have left. He has always been my rock, the one solid thing in my life. In my younger years, we didn't have much money. But that didn't stop him giving my the world, over and over. He is such a special person to me. Without him, I'd surely be quite lost.

Alice patted my hand. "I'm sorry something happened to him; it clearly upset you. What happened?"

I waved my hand nonchalantly. "Nonsense, Alice. I won't darken up your birthday party with my, quite frankly, depressing stories. That wouldn't be fair." And I didn't. But I also didn't know if I'd hold up, having to tell them the story; having to relive it once more.

Alice looked me directly in the eye, as if sensing my pain. "Bella, you're one of my best friends. We all want to get to know you better. So please, tell us."

She wanted me to be comfortable, I could tell. So I sighed, and began. "Okay, but I'll make it short. When I came home one day, I got a phone call telling me my father had been rushed to hospital. Jasper was there, so we drove up to the hospital. I was a complete state, hair all over my face, tears running down my cheeks. I looked like hell.' I hear a short gasp come from opposite me, and my eyes shot up to catch Edward with a look of surprise on him face. As soon as he noticed I was looking at him, however, he remained stony faced, and I was forced to continue my story, just a little confused. 'So I got to the hospital eventually, and when I got there the doctor… he told me, um… that my father had been shot." Everyone around my table gasped loudly, and I looked down, trying to make the tears blink back into the sockets. I continued. 'It was very close. I almost lost him. But… the happy thing is that he got through it, and is healing quickly. So that's good."

Rosalie took my hand and squeezed it gently, while Alice gave me a hug from when I was sitting. I looked up, glancing anxiously at everyone, and saw the pity in everyone's eyes. It hurt. Then I looked at Edward, who remained looking as if he'd just figured something out.

He opened his mouth, and whispered without knowing, "So that's when I saw you."

He whispered so low it was almost impossible for me to hear it, but I did. I looked at him, completely puzzled. "You saw me where?"

Everyone stopped and listened.

Edward coughed. "The first time I saw you, it wasn't when you came to the lesson. I've been trying to figure what you were doing for months now. I saw you that day, when you were in the car, crying.' He turned to Alice, who looked as if she was still reeling from my story. 'Remember, Alice, when we were driving down the motorway. You saw a woman, driving way over the speed limit. That was Bella."

Alice finally realised. She smiled. "So I had saw you before I had even met you."

I laughed heartily, brushing off the feeling of being insecure. Edward had saw me, on one of my lowest days, and I didn't want to think about that. What must he have thought of me? I glanced up at him, and smiled reassuringly. It seemed to placate him. "It seems you did. Both of you."

After calming down, I thought the conversation would veer away from me, but I had no such luck. While the plates were being taken away again, Edward asked, "What about your mother, Bella?"

The table fell silent again, and Jasper coughed in a fake way. I looked at him, saw the sorry look in his eyes, and shook my head. Edward seemed to catch this, and immediately felt guilty. "Sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to bring up anything that would hurt you."

I smiled slightly at him, while playing with the rim of my wine glass. "No, Edward, it's okay. You would all have known at some point. Um… my mother isn't around anymore. She's somewhere in the world. Just not in contact with me."

This aroused the question of why.

I began to explain. "Well, when I was a teenager, my parents divorced. It wasn't a very happy time for us, Jasper will tell you this too.' He nodded. 'After the divorce, I tried living with my mother, but it just… wasn't working. She had got involved with a man, a man who moved around a lot and didn't treat her very well. In the interest of my safety, I was shifted to my father. The last I heard was that she and her husband had moved to Australia in search of a new life. She isn't in my life anymore."

Edward looked down. "It seems like you've gone through quite a lot of pain in your life."

I looked up at him, with my eyes brimming with tears, and I saw the loving look in his eyes. I couldn't help but hold onto that look, and tuck it away into my heart for me to remember.

I ran one hand through my hair before I answered him.

"Yes, you could say I have. But it's got to end at some point. Happiness must appear too."

-.-.-

Dinner had gone well enough, and to his satisfaction, he'd learnt a little more about Bella. It was important to him that he knew what was behind her lovely face, and what memories she held tightly in her heart. He just wished that they had been a little more positive.

He'd never expected her to have such a troubled background. Compared to his - which hadn't gone smoothly either - it seemed like nothing. She had gone through so much, and yes, she'd had Jasper at her side, but no-one that would love her. Everything that had happened seemed to have had an effect on her now, understandably. He knew that it would be hard for her to trust, especially what the future holds when something could happen so quickly, like the incident with her father. What he wanted more than ever was to be the guy that opened her up again, let her feel, and helped her through life.

He couldn't have taken his eyes off her all evening, even if he'd wanted too. She was simply too breathtaking. And she had no idea what she was doing to him; she made him quiver with joy. Even now, as they were going back into the living room, and getting ready to mingle once more, everything she did, even just as simple as walking, was making him smile. It was all her. She was… amazing. To him she was perfect, and he wanted to tell her, badly.

He watched her from the corner of his eye while he pretended to converse with other men from his sisters work. He watched her laugh with Alice and Rosalie; swing her hips to the music while talking to Jasper; talk animatedly to the conductor of the choir whom Alice had also invited. She seemed apologetic to him, which confused Edward a little. But his thoughts soon only turned to happy ones, that of Bella being close to him again, and he sighed in relief.

He took his eyes off her for a second, but when he looked back, she was gone. Panic set through him, and he knew he was being ridiculous, but he'd waited to be in the same room with her for too long to have her away from him. His eyes scanned the rooms quickly, eager to se her beautiful face, just to reassure him that she was still here. If she had left already, his heart may break even more.

He excused himself, and headed over to Jasper, who was standing at the drinks table. "Have you seen Bella?"

Jasper nodded through to the hall. "I think she went that way."

He patted his back in thanks.

"Good luck, Edward. Go get her!"

Edward smiled widely, before exiting the living room and heading into the hall.

He passed the coats and bags hanging in the hall and all over the floor. He passed the various cupboard doors, and the kitchen. Before he heard it. The sound of tinkling keys being played in a frantic, but excited manner. He recognised the tune immediately, and his heart began to beat faster. His footsteps quickened until her was at the end of the hall, with only the small other hallway separating them. Separating him from Bella, who was playing piano more beautiful than he remembered her being able to play. He remembered every lesson vividly, even the one he wished he'd forget. And now she was here, when she belonged. And just hearing her made him hope that things would turn out okay.

He slowed down, treading gently as so mot creak along the floorboards. He just wanted to listen to her, before he went to her. And if that meant sneaking around and looking at her from the slightly ajar door, he'd do just that. He reached the door, pushed it a tiny bit wider until he could see her fully, and watched her, amazing, by both her beauty and the notes around them both. He watched as her fingers flew along the keys. He could tell she'd missed playing, and he'd missed playing to her. He continued to look on, mesmerised by her.

The piece slowed to the end, and although he was saddened that she was no longer playing, his excitement at telling her the truth was winning over her playing. She stopped, taking her fingers off the keys, and silence enveloped them.

"You are just as excellent as I remember."

She spun around, a blush appearing on her cheeks at being caught. She lowered her head as he moved further into the room. "I missed playing." She stated.

He nodded, gingerly taking a seat beside her on the stool. "I could tell. The emotion in that piece always amazes me."

"You were listening?" She sounded slightly alarmed.

He smiled, crookedly. "Of course."

He placed his hands on the keys, notes flying in every direction as a piece with no name continued to be played. He closed his eyes, her stare on his face, and just let the silence become undone. As he drew to a close, he heard a whimper. Opening his eyes, he saw one stray tear fall down her cheek.

He wiped it away with his thumb. She shivered at the contact, and he moved closer, encouraged by her delightful reaction.

"That was gorgeous." She choked out.

He let his hands trail down her face, until he cupped her cheek, and they looked deeply into each others eyes; into each others souls - both searching for the answer.

"Bella…"

Another tear fell. "Edward…"

He paced another hand around her cheek. "Do you have any idea how much I… how much I feel for you.' He shook his head. 'The last few weeks have been close to unbearable. You see, I was living for the lessons we had together. When I could be with you, you and your beautiful face.' She turned red but giggled, hope soaring within her. He drew her face closer to his. 'Please don't prolong this any further."

She rested her hands on his chest. "I wouldn't dream of it."

He pressed his lips to her forehead, loving the feeling of her skin on his lips. He blew his breath around her, locking her in his cage, wanting her to stay with him forever. "Please tell me you'll be mine; that you'll be with me."

"As you're girlfriend?" She looked shocked, pleased, and relieved all at once.

He nodded.

And then she granted him his wish.

"Yes."

**A/N; Satifactory? I certainly hope so. I realise there was a slight delay on this chapter, but as I explained before, shcool has started yet again, and today I got braces - which are quite sore just now - so I'm sorry if this isn't my best work. It is however, my longest chapter yet for this story. I just couldn't stop. This is the 'it' chapter, if you want to call it that. Things are going to start getting a little bit more happier, but it might not stay that way for long...**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter. I am continually amazed by what my readers think. Many people have PMed my telling me what they thought and I love to hear everything you think about any of my writing. So please, keep those reviews and PMs coming!**

**Go on then! Review!**


	20. Nineteen

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Nineteen.**

_"Please tell me you'll be mine; that you'll be with me."_

I stared at him. Could I believe his words? He had said them with such sureness, with such sincerity, but all my insecurities were coming back to me now. It was impossible to think of such wonderful things - of being with him forever. I wanted to believe him so much; I wanted to through myself at him, and let go of everything that I had battled with the last few weeks, just for that moment in his arms. But for that to happen; for me to believe that he really wanted me, I had to make sure.

_"As your girlfriend?"_ I managed.

Every emotion you can think of rush through me as the words left my mouth. I didn't think of his answer yet, only hoping that whatever it would be would make me happy. I didn't allow myself to think of what I would do if he said yes; I only knew what would happen to me if I had read him wrong and his answer told me otherwise.

But then he nodded, and I felt my heart soar. The man I wanted, wanted me. And I suddenly felt so stupid for putting myself through all the pain, when I could have been in perfect bliss with Edward. He looked at me, unsure of my reaction, trying like he always does to read me. I've always been one of the hardest to read, he mentioned to me once. And I mustn't have been getting better. Because from the look on his face I could tell mine wasn't giving him good signals. But that was due to all the different emotions raging inside my small, fragile body.

And then I realised I still hadn't given him my answer.

I looked down, his hands still covering my cheeks, no doubt feeling the heat beneath them. His fingers pulled my face up to his again, our noses touching. And then I saw it. The expression that made all my doubts about his feelings melt away in an instant. I saw love, written in his eyes, and it made my next word seem even more real to me.

_"Yes."_

Yes, I love you.

Yes, you mean the world to me.

Yes, I want you forever.

Yes, I'm giving you my heart.

Simply… yes.

I stare at him as he closes his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips and I can see the invisible relief rise off his body, and all that is left on him the love he feels for me. I'm humbled by the fact that such a beautiful man, who holds such a beautiful personality and soul, can fall in love with me. And I'm amazed that he did. Never did I imagine, in all the times I daydreamed about meeting my perfect man, that I would find someone who is literally perfect. Everyone has flaws, but for the most part, I see none in my Edward.

If possible, he leans closer to me, and our lips almost touch. Here it is, my head reminds me. Here comes the kiss you've been waiting for. Then our lips touch, a spark flowing freely from my lips throughout my body, and I'm on fire with his touch. He overwhelms me; overpowers me, and I am completely his in the few seconds (which seem like hours) that pass. He owns me, completes me, and as our lips move in sync I fall even more in love with this man.

We break apart, slightly breathless, with our foreheads touching. My hands rest in his hair, his hands having travelled down my body rest on my hips, and we stare there, concentrating on the moment that has just past, and looking into the future; many moments that will hold so much of the joy we feel now. He murmurs words of gratitude at finding me in the first place, and finally being able to call me his own. I am reminded yet again of how silly this man is, for he thinks that he has won the prize, whereas I am the lucky winner. In my arms, under my shaking touch, is a man - whom I love - who is mine now, and there are no words that explain how much this means to me. I finally, after all my struggles with my heart, have grasped the one thing I wanted. The only thing I shall ever want or wish for. The one thing I am relying on completely.

The emotion ranging through my body becomes to much, and I deflate, falling into Edward's strong body, and he envelopes me into his arms, holding me in place. I can feel that I am shaking, and I cry tears of joy, of hope, as he holds me. And he lets me cry because he knows me so well, even after the short time we have known each other. He knows I need this moment, and he gives it to me.

What a wonderful man.

As the last of my tears roll of my cheeks and land onto Edward's usually dry shirt, I pull back, but his arms stay safely around me, giving me space but holding me close at the same time. I am in his protective ring, our own little bubble. No harm will be done here.

"Thank you," I whisper so quietly I'm surprised he hears.

His long finger pulls our eyes up to meet again, and for a moment he dazzles me and my thoughts disappear. But then he brings me back, like he hopefully always will. "What for, my love?"

I smile for a second about my new name, and how sweet it sounds rolling off his tongue - I want him to use it forever. And then my hand moves to his face, my fingers memorising each and every glorious inch. "For you. Just you."

My sentence makes no sense, and even I can see that. But somehow he understands. He gathers me up into his arms, and carries me to the couch just behind the piano. Sitting himself down, he pulls me on top of his lap and we continue to cuddle in front of the crackling fire. I've read about these moments in books; I've seen these moments on the big screen, but it takes the 'real' moment to happen, to finally connect with the amount of love which is supposed to surround the couple in the moment.

We sit there for a while with no words said. We just relax into the embrace and stay there, with me watching him and him watching me. I catch him more than once staring before I say, "What are you looking at Mr Cullen?"

He chuckles and that crooked smile that I've missed so much lights up his face. He seems to tighten his hold like he's scared he'll lose me again. He'll never lose me; I'll never run for him. I just hope he doesn't run from me - the pain was too much last time. His other hand runs through my curls. "You. You're beautiful, you know that?"

I can feel my blush take over my face at his words, and I try and turn away, unsuccessfully. He simply chuckles again, before he runs his fingers over my burning cheeks. "And that blush - it kills me Bella, it really does."

I laugh, and he listens to the sound so carefully like it's new to him. "I'd better stop then. I like my boyfriends alive, thanks."

He pulls my face closer to his, "Just as well my heart beats then, isn't it?" he comments before our lips touch again in a game that I want to play for hours on end. Every kiss is electrifying, and I can hardly contain the traitorous sounds of longing that come from my mouth. His lips smile against mine at the sound, and I can tell he enjoys this. Good. Because I intend to use every spare minute I have with him in the same way.

His hands rise into my hair while my body pushes forward into his hard chest. They run through the locks slowly, like he is relishing the feeling, and then they land on my neck, his magical fingers rubbing circles all the way down to my collar bone, delighting me. And then they stop as our kiss draws to a close, on the chain of my necklace. He fingers is as if he'd foreign to it's touch, and as we part his eyes lower to where it rests. Breathlessly, he says, "I always meant to ask where you got this from."

His eyes following the question, demanding the answer in his soft green orbs. My hand flies automatically to the small cross that dangles at off the chain, and my eyes close as I explain it's sentimentality. "I… It's my fathers. I'm not sure how exactly he got it, but he wore it all the time. He's a Christian, you see. He tried hard to follow the Lord at all times,' I laughed. 'He showed me enough times how hard it was.' I opened my eyes and looked directly at Edward, who was listening intently. 'He gave it to me when he was in hospital. At that time we still weren't sure if he'd make it. Thankfully he did.' I draw a shaky breath and Edward rubs my back in support. 'But now, I still have it. It's silly really, but I… I believe it's this which is keeping him with me. I believe that he got strong because I was wearing this. If I take it off, I'm scared something will happen to him - and I can't lose him. So I keep it on."

My story finishes and Edward nods, a small smile playing on his lips. "You love him very much."

I nod. "I do."

He pulls me closer, and from time to time during the next hour we share sweet kisses. I loose count of how many there are, but each is spectacular, just like the man himself. Once our lips lock, the whole world disintegrates. Like right now.

But then he reluctantly pulls away. "As much as I'd love to stay here with you all night, continuing our activities, I really do think we should be getting back to the party."

I slap my head. "Sugar! I forgot about the party. Alice will have sent out a search party by now."

He shakes his head while helping me up from the couch. "I don't think so. If she's talked to Jasper in the last hour and a half, she'll know where we are."

My brow wrinkles. "Why would Jasper know?"

He smiled. "He was the one who convinced me to tell you tonight. I would have told you at some point, I'm certain, but it's all thanks to Jasper for making me realise I had to tell you so soon."

I smiled as we made our way back into the hall, the music from the party becoming louder and louder as we walk forward.

I guess Jasper went through with his promise to my father after all.

----

We made it back into the room without people noticing. Surprisingly, they were still mingling. I had moved off the in the first place to get away from the other people. I was okay in company, but sometimes quiet was needed. So I had taken refuge in Edward's piano room, where he himself had found me.

Jasper's eyes caught mine, questioning the obvious. I nodded, then shook my head at him fiercely when he looked as if he was about to burst with happiness. He caught my drift - I didn't want people to know yet. Edward and I - how lovely that sounds - hadn't discussed it yet, but I was pretty sure he would agree with me. We didn't want to let people know right now, at least until after the party. This day was purely for Alice, and we wouldn't take the spotlight off her.

Taking a seat in a corner, I felt Edward behind me. He pulled a seat round and sat behind me in his chair, our hands connected in a subtle way. People wouldn't notice what we were doing, I was sure. We talked about nothing, while or eyes waited for Alice's instructions. I was fairly sure present time would be soon - Alice couldn't wait that long for presents I was told.

Sure enough, after a few more minutes, I head Alice shout, "Present time!"

With that, all people spread out to the corners of the room, all eyes on Alice as she shifted her bundle into the middle of the room. Sitting herself down between Jasper's legs, and getting a kiss on the cheek from her man, she started opening. Her hands drifted slowly over the boxes as if trying to work out what was inside in her brain. Her hand then landed on a small package, A4 size, and I heard Edward intake breath.

I turned around, a smile on my features. "That your one by any chance?"

He rolled his eyes, moving his chair forward slightly, so I could lean on his gently. I knew what he was doing in the gesture. He was trying to be as close to me as possible. After you have stayed away from the person, once they are in your sight, you try and stay as close as possible. It was the same with us. Our absence made both our hearts grew stronger.

His fingers made tiny designs on my arm which was deftly overlapping his. It made me smile even wider, and then he chose to answer my question, just a few seconds before Alice had all the paper off. "Yes. I do hope she likes it."

"I'm sure she'll love anything from her brother."

He looked around, made sure all eyes were on Alice, and then kissed my neck softly. I sighed; I wanted to continue like this for all eternity.

Alice successfully managed to rip the paper into shreds, and in her hands was a gold book, with a lovely design on the front. It had musical notes decorating the sides, and from what I could see there was music sheets in the inside. I watched as her eyes went up to Edward.

"Edward… it's beautiful. Thank you so much." Her eyes were filled my happy tears, showing how much she loved her brother's thoughtfulness.

He smiled wide. "You are very welcome. There in also a CD in the back, which has the music I composed for you. The music is for whenever you want me to play for you."

She leapt to her feet, and we moved quickly, making sure she didn't find us cuddling. She gave me a sly look as she crossed the room into our area, and I prayed we hadn't been caught out. After she had hugged him and kissed his cheek, she turned to me before whispering, "I want the details later."

It appears we have been caught by the evil pixie.

I nodded, before resuming my place beside Edward while she walked back to her mountain of presents. I leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Alice knows."

When I leant back I saw a look of awe on his face. "How does she do that?' His eyes watched his sister carefully. 'How does she always know everything?!"

I giggled. "How would I know? You're her brother."

He shrugged, pulling me closer. "Sometimes I think she's no relation of mine."

And I settled into his arms to continue this wonderful evening.

----

Alice had been very pleased with all her presents. She was special to so many people that she had got so many. From her work friends and others whom she didn't know so well she had got money, perfume, make-up and jewellery. She thanked them all very much because even though they weren't close to her, they'd still gone out of their way to get her something. She obviously got very emotional at times like birthdays and Christmases. I'd never been around her at these times before, and found the sight quite heart-warming. She had left mine and Rose's presents until last, except Edward's and Jasper's. Rosalie had got her a signed photograph from a designer that Alice loved, but who I'd never heard of, although that wasn't a surprise to anyone - I've never been that into fashion. And then there was only one more present to open: mine. She took it into her lap, laying it down, and then she looked up at me.

I must have looked very anxious. She laughed heartily. "Bella, don't look so worried. We haven't known each other long but I'm sure that whatever you have got me will be more than wonderful."

She words seemed to help me calm, but in the end it was Edward's warm hands rubbing up and down my arms comfortingly that helped me get less tense. Before she ripped into the paper she looked at us, smiling in a sweet way. It was obvious she approved of me and Edward.

Then she let her hands do all the work as she delved into her present. To find a box. I watched as she opened the box… to find another box. Edward's chuckle flew into my ear, and I couldn't help but smile at the sound. I stared as she opened the other box, to find yet another box.

"Bella!" Alice screeched in an annoyed tone, making the others around us laugh. She looked up at me and glared. I just smirked.

Five boxes later she held in her an envelope. She looked up at me once more, a smile at the edges of her mouth. "I go through eight boxes to find… an envelope. This better be good, Bella."

"You'll like it Alice. Rose already told me you would. Or rather, you both would."

She couldn't contain her curiosity any longer. Her tiny hands opened the envelope at an impressive speed, until she found her prize. Two tickets. She quickly read what was printed on them, and then a scream spread throughout the room. When Alice looked up at me, she looked shell shocked. She pointed at the tickets, then at me, then are herself. "How.. I-I… how."

I laughed. "Well, I remember a while back you told me that you couldn't find tickets to Fall Fashion Week. And you looked so down after that. So… I used my contacts. Found a woman who I used to go to high school with; she works in fashion. And there you go. Two tickets - one for you and one for Rose - to go in the fall."

Alice jumped to her feet and scuttled over to her, wrapping her arms around me until I always suffocated. I pried her arms off, and tears were falling from her eyes. I wiped them away.

"Thank you, so much Bella. Best. Present. Ever.' Jasper gasped in a shocked, but playful tone. Then she turned. 'Except for Jasper's of course."

I laughed before watching her run across the room to Rose. They started jumping up and down, their heels clicking furiously on the floor, making a tune to go along with their shouts of 'We're going to Fashion Week!'.

Edward wrapped his arms around me in a visible gesture. I sunk into his embrace. "That was very nice of you Bella. I hope you didn't spend too much…"

He left it hanging, and I just smiled. "That's for me to know, not you. And anyway, it's for Alice. My best friend. She deserves it."

And as I looked up at him I could tell I'd struck a lovely chord inside him. He kissed my forehead from our upside down position. "It means so much to me that you enjoy the company of my sister. She's my other half, and I love her to pieces."

I nodded, no doubt in my mind that I was glowing. "As do I."

----

The evening drew to a close. It felt as if time had flown, but I was assured that it was in fact after midnight, and it was time to leave. I didn't want to leave; Edward's embrace was too warm and spending time with my friends was to fun. It felt like I hadn't been out in ages, and in truth I hadn't. The last few weeks I had been locking myself away. Now, with Edward by my side I felt as if everything would be fine. Nothing and no-one would take away the good experiences I was sure that would come.

Most of the other people had left already, leaving it just the five of us. As Alice and Edward led us all into the hall to collect our coats Edward grabbed my hand and turned me around. He tucked a spray strand of my hair into place with his hand lingering on my cheek. He smiled his crooked grin and I felt my heart melt once more.

"So when were you planning on telling us?" Rose's voice came through our moment.

Edward exhaled and then sighed while I just kissed his cheek sweetly before turning and answering our friend. "Well, it wasn't exactly like we were hiding it, but yes, we are officially together."

Jasper smiled widely a laugh coming from him and the love he felt for me and Edward shone in his eyes. Rose sent us a happy glance before rolling her eyes playfully and murmuring 'About time too.' And then there was Alice, always a woman in a league of her own, who shot out to us and wrapped both of us in her arms, before pulling away and squealing.

"Oh! This is just brilliant! I knew the first time you saw each other that something would happen!" She called her hands together excitedly, before Jasper came and wrapped his arms around her, seeming to calm her down.

I looked at all of us, and then suddenly felt saddened. There was me and Edward, Jasper and Alice, and then Rosalie. All on her own. I felt sorry for her, unsure of whether she really wanted to be with someone. The look in her eyes told me she did, but there was something else. I felt as if in her past, something had happened which had taken its toile on her. I just hoped that she would be able to overcome that at some point - whatever it was - and be able to be with someone again. Someone that would get on with all of us, so we could all go out together.

I looked at Rose. "All we have to do know was find you someone."

Alice grinned wickedly. "Oh yes, we can interview them Bella. See if they are good enough."

"You are going to do no such thing. There is no way I'm doing another set up. Alice, I've done enough for you."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Who knows, maybe you'll find someone at fashion week."

Both Alice and Rose grinned with excitement at the fact they would be going. I could tell my gift had worked, and I hoped that it would bring them both closer together. I didn't want to stand in the way of their friendship.

A few minutes later and Rose, Jasper and I were wrapped up in our coats. Rosalie went first, taking my keys and going to the car, giving the two couples (of which I was finally one) some time together. Alice and Jasper went to the door, embracing each other the entire way, while Edward and I hung back, enjoying our private moment.

Edward leant down and brushed his lips against mine. "I've had the most wonderful night, Bella. I'm so glad I told you how I felt."

I touched his cheek gently and he leant into my palm. "Same here. I can't wait until we… explore our relationship more. I think I'm going to like being your girlfriend."

"And I'm going to love having you as my girlfriend."

He pulled me to him, wrapping his strong arms around me, before pulling me upwards until our lips locked. We stayed like that until a large coughing noise came our way from a certain birthday girl, and we pulled apart. "When will I see you again." I asked, eager to get as much 'Edward time' as possible.

He smiled, kissing my forehead in a leaving gesture. "Tomorrow. I'll come to yours."

And as I left their house I was on cloud nine. I didn't have to ask what time he'd be there because I had complete trust in him. I knew he'd be there, tomorrow, waiting for me.

-.-.-

Edward closed the door feeling happier than he'd ever felt before. Tonight had gone perfectly, and finally he had Bella right where he wanted her - in his arms and his arms only. It felt great to finally be able to call Bella his own; something he though would never happen. And now he had her he was sure he'd never be able to let her go. She meant too much to him already. He missed her already, too. Withdrawal symptoms, he'd call it. Bella withdrawal.

Alice looked up at him as he turned away from the door. Tears were sprinkled in her eyes and she rushed at him, hugging him tightly. "Thank you Edward, for finally being with Bella. You've made my birthday, truly."

He looked down at her. "Alice. She's made my day. I… I love her so much. I haven't told her yet, but I will tomorrow."

She moved away, smiling, before taking the stairs to her room. Everything would be cleared in the morning. "You do that, Edward. Any by the way, you look so cute together."

He blushed. "Thanks Alice."

He made his way up to his room, passing the piano room on the way. He couldn't resist going inside and letting his fingers roll over the keys just once, picking up Bella's touch on his fingertips. It was little things he did, like that, that made him sure he loved her. He just couldn't get enough. Then he made his way up to his bedroom, sitting down on his desk.

He knew what he wanted to do.

And then he began writing in his beautiful script, telling the paper just how much he loved her.

**A/N; Hello all. Here is another chapter for you. I'm not sure about this to be honest, but I've posted it anyway. The last section may confuse you, but as we read on it will all become clear. I hope I expressed just how much Bella and Edward mean to each other. **

**Anyways, thank you for the reviews on last chapter. Can I have some more? :)**

**PS. Sorry for any mistakes.**


	21. Twenty

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Twenty.**

When the doorbell rang the next again morning, I jumped out of my skin. I had just got out the shower and had my hair piled on top of my head, held together with a towel, as well as wearing nothing but my silk robe. I hoped I knew who it was; opening the door to a stranger would be pretty embarrassing dressed like this. I glanced at the clock I kept telling myself to replace. The damn fish stared right back at me. I saw it was just after eleven; I'd slept in pretty late. Usually I was up quite early for my morning run, but that had been overlooked this morning. I had more Edward related thoughts in my head than the urge to go out and run.

Edward. Who was possibly at the door. I pulled the robe tighter to my body while my bare feet ran across my wooden floors, still cold from the morning air. Moving the towel out of my hair, I quickly ran my hands through the think mess, trying my best to looked presentable. The bell rang again, and I shouted that I would be there quickly. They'd know the reason as soon as they saw me.

I thrust the door open, the wind flowing through the door as soon as it was open. Hiding partly behind the door, I peeked around the corner, eagerly awaiting the beautiful face. And there it was. Defined jaw, amazing green orbs, long manly nose, and those lips that were begging for my kisses. He was there, his lips curled up into a smile, and I couldn't help but do the same. Infectious, but I'd happily have his disease.

"Good morning, Bella."

His voice filtered sweetly into my ears, and it was if they were opened for the first time. Such a gorgeous sound, and in my opinion no concerto - no matter how much I loved music - could do his voice justice. My ears seemed attuned to the sound that passed through his lips.

I smiled wider. "Edward. Come in,"

I opened the door a little wider allowing him to slip through. His strong body passed through the crack I'd left him, and as he entered my small, modest home the lights caught his eyes making them greener than ever. I was momentarily stunned. How could so much beauty be bestowed on just one man?

"Oh,' His voice came through my thought filled mind. 'I guess I should have come a little later on. You aren't ready."

My eyes locked on his and I followed his gaze, taking me down to my own appearance. His gaze stayed on me, almost hungrily. It made me blush. I pulled it closer to my body, only making my curves more pronounced through the thin fabric. I was pretty sure it gave nothing to his imagination. I coughed, embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I just wasn't expecting you so early. Please, make yourself at home, and I'll finish getting ready."

He nodded after a few seconds where his thoughts were obviously somewhere else, and then he turned, smiling at me once more before entering my living room. I took this opportunity to follow his sleek back, watching his body make every move he wanted it to.

"Staring isn't nice, my love."

It was my turn to blush again. Caught. I bit my lip, before running up the stairs to get ready. Getting into my room I fumbled about with my drawers and wardrobe desperately trying to find something suitable to wear. Truth was, I had no idea where we were going. I walked quickly to the hall.

"Edward?" I yelled, and his body appeared in an instant at the bottom of the stairs.

He looked panicked. "What?! What happened?"

I laughed lightly, still quite stunned by his beauty. It hadn't hit home that he was completely mine, and only mine, yet. I shook my hand. "Relax, nothing's happened.' I watched as the tense posture he held calmed, and then his crooked grin appeared. 'I just wondered where we were going?"

"Just lunch. To the café in town."

I smiled before blowing him a kiss and scampering back into my bedroom. Finally knowing where we would be going helped me pick my outfit: a pair of skinny jeans with a red long-sleeved top and my black flats. I didn't wear heels on a regular basis; my balance didn't agree with them.

After running a brush through my hair, and letting my unruly curls settle I grabbed my jacket and went downstairs. As I reached the bottom the sound of music floated to my ears, Duffy's soulful voice drifting through the air. I smiled as I heard Edward hum along to the tune. It appeared he didn't know the words. I stood in the doorway watching as he explored my living room, even though he had been there once before. His fingers flitted across my bookshelves, fingering the spines of the books, then onto my CD collection. His gaze seemed to lower until he reached the bottom shelf. Then he reached down and began to open… My Book.

"And that's when I step in." I said aloud, watching as he jumped up and turned to look at me, guilt in his eyes. I gave him a small smile before ushering him away from the shelves and taking My Book into a locked cupboard playing it there, before hiding the key. I hoped I would remember where I'd put it later on.

"I'm sorry," He murmured with the remains of his guilt still written in his eyes.

I smirked slightly, before walking over to him. "It's alright. Just don't do it again. It's… personal to me. But, just so you know, when I'm ready, I may show you some of my pieces."

He reached out taking both my hands in his and pulled me closer to him, our entwined hands swinging as our arms hung at our sides. His eyes bore into mine, and a peaceful, love-filled look took over him. It was a beautiful sight, and to know that look of love was for me made it even better.

His face closed in on mine. I could feel his sweet breath on my face, drawing me, tempting me in even more. "I won't do it again. Promise. Now, I never got to say a real hello to you…"

His lips pressed into the side of my neck and my heart beat quickened considerably. I wouldn't be surprised if he heard it. Then his lips moved upwards, pressing kisses at every inch as he spoke, "And that - kiss - wouldn't be - kiss - very nice - kiss - of me -' He opened his eyes while his nose was touching mine, his lips mere inches from connecting. 'Would it?"

I shook my head, releasing our hands and pulling his head forcefully, joining our lips together. I needed him right now. I didn't want to wait. I never wanted to wait for Edward. I'd done enough waiting. But not anymore. As our lips moved together in a quick but passion-filled pace, I felt his sense of urgency. We both felt we had time to catch up on. And I wouldn't be the one to stop.

But eventually he began to pull away. My eyes flickered open to watch him watching my expressions, and he kissed away the crease in my brow. "I want to take you to lunch, Bella."

I crossed my arms. "I'm not hungry, for food."

He rolled his eyes but I could tell he was reluctant at leaving the moment we had behind. He grabbed my hand, kissed the palm, and then smiled. "Tough, we're going. I'm not budging on this one."

I moaned. "But Edward…"

He pulled my face into his hands, something I wasn't objecting to. He kissed my cheek, then said against my ear, "I want to take my beautiful girlfriend out to lunch.' He pulled back, watching as the blush spread right on cue across my cheeks. He fingered the rushing blood. "Is there something wrong with that?"

I wanted to complain, wanting to stay here instead. There was a number of reasons: I liked the fact that Edward was in my house. We already started and he, pulling us away from our activities, stopped us. And then there was the fact that he planned to spend money on me. Anyone who knew me knew I didn't like money being spent on me. But… he didn't know me that well, only that I loved him. So going out would help us get to know each other better. It began to sound like a better idea.

So I stopped moping, and put on a bright expression. "There's nothing wrong with that.' Leaning up, I pecked his lips, lingering slightly before pulling away. 'Let me just grab my bag and jacket, and we'll be out of here."

After getting my stuff he took hold of my hand, leading me to the door. I grasped my keys, stepped out into the slightly cold air, and locked the door behind me. I turned back around. "Will we walk, or take my car?"

His crooked grin returned. "We'll take my car, if that's okay."

I hadn't noticed the shiny silver Volvo sitting beside my car on the driveway. It was sleek and as Edward walked towards it I realised how beautiful they looked together. A Volvo was obviously his type of car. My Beetle was nothing compared to it. And if I still had my trusty truck from high school I probably would have been more embarrassed. But thankfully my truck had gone a long time ago. That was a sad day…

He walked around to the passenger side, letting me get in and do up my buckles as he got into the other side. Once we were ready, we were speeding towards Port Angeles, our hands tied together on the gear shift.

The ride as quiet but not uncomfortable. It gave me time to gather my thoughts of the last two amazing days. If you had told me that I would be Edward's girlfriend yesterday morning I would have slapped you in the face telling you nothing of that greatness would ever happen. But yet, here I am. Sitting here with my Greek God of a boyfriend. I never used to believe in miracles, or God, but someone up there must like me right now. I tentatively touched my gold cross, smiling slightly. Charlie would tell me it was all up to God. Maybe, I'm starting to believe him.

There are so many emotions running through m veins right now, you can't even imagine. This is what love feels like. And I feel privileged to be able to say I feel the power of love, even when I've only reached my 22nd year on this Earth. It's too good to be true; it's all a dream. But then all I have to do if look to my side, and find Edward there - then I know it's all happening.

Within minutes it seemed, we were at the restaurant. It was a small, quiet restaurant, not overly extravagant, but just perfect. As you stepped into the place it felt as if you had walked into a magical land. The lights dim; the colours mysterious. It was beautiful and I was glad I hadn't refused to come here. I think this will be my new favourite restaurant.

Edward's hand clasped itself around mine as we were led to our table. We sat down, Edward pulling out my seat for me before taking his own, and then we were given our menus.

"So you know what you'd like? You can have anything you want, Bella. It's all on me." Edward told me tenderly.

I glared at him, "Edward…" Surely by now he had guessed my aversion to people buying me things.

"Bella, just let me get this. It's special; our first date." He stroked my fingers from across the table, looking up at me from under his eyelashes. All thoughts disappeared. Stupid, sexy man.

I relented, deciding on the mushroom ravioli, while Edward went for the roast duck. The waitress took back our menus, staring at Edward a little too long for my liking, and then went off to the kitchen. For now, we were alone.

He pushed his chair closer to me, taking my hand up to his lips and kissing it gently. He then lai our hands down on the table, but made no move to let go. As if I would mind, anyway.

"How are you today, my love." He seemed to pull me closer.

I nestled my face into his neck, kissing it gently, before pulling away and looking straight into his green eyes. They were mesmerising. "I'm too happy for words. Right now, with you…. It's just surreal."

He kissed the top my head, his arm draping around me, enclosing me. I felt safe in his arms. "This is all real; it's all happening. And… I'm so glad it did. I don't know what I'd have done, Bella, if you hadn't said yes. The thought of you in another man's arms…" He trailed off, either unsure of what to say or too caught up in his apparent anger. I could see it in his face.

I trailed my fingers across his wrinkled brow, causing them to fade. I smiled. "You have nothing to worry about on that front. I'm yours, completely. I--I love you."

I decided on the spare of the moment to throw myself out there. I told him how I truly felt, and lowered my eyes, scared of what he would say to me. Doubting; I was always doubting myself.

But this time, my doubts weren't needed.

"Oh Bella, I love you too."

There was no other things needed, no kisses, no embraces, no words. Just looking into each others eyes was enough. I could see all I needed in his and hopefully showed him enough in mine. My brain caught up with me, realising that he loved me. He. Loved. Me. Me? Yes, me. It became more unreal, but I knew this was it. He was… it. The thing I needed. The thing I craved. The thing I… loved. And I knew that my feelings would never change. His name, Edward Cullen, was engraved in my heart forever.

As we seemed to be going down the route of explanations, I decided to add, "At one point, I thought you'd never be mine, Edward. Before… it was torture."

He pulled me tighter to him, telling me he was sorry for what I had gone through. I felt selfish for I knew that he had gone through pain also. But at the moment all that mattered was that he was in my arms.

"I know,' He choked into my neck, kissing in apology every so often between his words. 'I went through the exact same thing. The pain was… at some points excruciating. And I'm sorry I made you go through that. I just wish, more than anything, that I could go back to that day and make it better. I just hope that I can make it up to you in the time we had together, from now on."

"You have no need to apologize. It was me too. I put myself out there, and caught you off guard, and I'm so sorry. You loving me, is more than any amount of money is worth. Your love is all I want." I moved my hand up to cup his face. I hoped no-one was watching. I had forgotten I was in a public place. But all that mattered right now was this moment, when we shredded down every wall and division between us. "But I do want to know something… why did you act that way? Everything seemed to be fine, and then suddenly it wasn't."

He took a deep breath and I see him mentally preparing his thoughts. Then he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. The exact same action he did that night. Except tonight he pulls he closer to him, and doesn't distance himself. "I was scared, confused, everything all at once. It was a scary thing to feel. I had no control. I wanted to tell you know I felt but… it just never came. So I pushed you away, something I deeply regret. But I felt… like I wasn't worthy. Like I had nothing to give you. I didn't want to hurt you. But it seemed like I did anyway.

"I loved you then, as I do now. You have to understand: I wanted to tell you, so desperately. But something was stopping me. I felt as if I didn't deserve you. I am nobody, Bella. But you, you are somebody. You're gonna be somebody - I can tell. The thought of having you hang onto me, being pulled around with me; I couldn't do that to you. I don't want to… pull you down, with me.

You are so special to me, Bella. The thought of stopping you from---from being able to be with someone worthy, it killed me. I felt as if I would rush you, being with you.' He paused, looking at me. 'But then I found I couldn't help myself. I couldn't stop myself from loving you; wanting to be with you.' He chuckled, then shrugged. 'So, I'm sorry. But I can't live without you, so you're going to get dragged down with me even if you don't want to."

He acted as if his words meant nothing, but his eyes told it all. All of what he'd said, he sill felt. He still felt that being with me was destroying me. I had never been met with such an absurd statement. He meant the world to me - how could that destroy me? But there was something else, something large and pressing that he wasn't told me. But if there is one thing that I know it's how he'll tell me once he's ready. So I'll sit and wait for a proper explanation.

But right now, the only thing I want to do is wipe the pain away. "To you, it might sound stupid. But you, are the person I live for now. You are my life. And I want to be dragged down, because as long as you are in hell with me, it'll be my heaven."

Yes, it was cheesy, but it worked. His grin reappeared and almost all traces of hurt in his eyes were gone. The waitress then chose to come over, handing us our food and we happily dug in. It was delicious. For now, we moved onto other subjects.

"I meant to thank you again for Alice's birthday present; It's all she's talked about since this morning. It doesn't matter that she has a hangover, she can still talk for America." He rolled his eyes.

I patted his cheek. "I'm sorry. I wouldn't have got her it if I knew it would cause you trouble."

"Nonsense, she is overjoyed with it. She was on the phone already with Rose asking what to pack and everything. What dress to wear, all that sort of thing. It's important so she told me."

I must have looked amused. "She's packing for this trip in October, and it's weeks and weeks away."

He nodded, a small smirk on his lips. "Yes."

I laughed, grabbing my glass of juice before taking a sip. "She certainly doesn't hand around. I swear she was a cheetah in the last life. So quick."

He chuckled. "You're telling me."

The waitress returned after we had finished asking us if we wanted desert. We declined, taking coffee instead. It arrived within minutes and then we were left again to continue with our conversations. I moved closer to him, tucking my feet under my legs and nestling into his side.

"How is your father, if you don't mind me asking?" I didn't mind at all. If anything I was happy he'd asked. It showed he wanted to get to know more about me, and my family. I felt as if he was already taking steps to reassure a future for us, even if we had only been together a day. Personally, I felt as if we'd been going out a long time before.

I smiled up at him. "He'd fine. I talked to him last night actually. He'd recovering well, and I'm glad he's remembering to take his medication. Actually, he knows about you now. He went all fatherly on me and wants to meet you at some point. But don't worry, I'll throw him off."

His expression changed. "But Bella, I'd love to meet him. He's a part of you, and I want to get to know all of you. It's important to me. Please."

I couldn't say no to anything. So I just nodded, "Soon."

He settled with that answer for now.

We simply cuddled as we drank our coffee. We didn't need to do anything. We were happy in our own company. It was peaceful for the most part; families with children arrived at some point and soon the restaurant was filled with giggles and childish squeals. We laughed as we watched the small human beings wander around this foreign land. It seemed like a different world entirely to them. Adorable smiles lit up their faces, and when I looked up I saw Edward smiling at me. We both thought the same thing: someday, we'd have children together. The thought made my heart burst with love for the man beside me. How could someone be so perfect?

He strokes my hair, before saying, "Bella, I hope you know that I'm going to do everything in my power to stop myself from hurting you again. The thought of hurting you again, it kills me. I'm going to try not to. I promise."

I nod, kissing his jaw. "I know. And I'm glad. I don't think I could go through that sort of pain again. It hurt so badly. And now that I have you, it would hurt so much worse."

His hold tightened once more. "It'll never happen."

I snuggled into his side even more. "Thank you."

We sat in relative silence again for a while, before the sound of my phone vibrating in my bag alerted us. I grabbed my bag, digging through it until I found my phone, lifting it out to see who was calling. I smiled, then looked at Edward, "Alice."

I pressed 'call' and answered. "Hi Alice, how are you?"

Her excited tone shot through into my ear. "I'm fine, how are you?"

"Amazing."

She laughed in her high pitched way. "I bet you are. I never got a real chance to thank you for what you've done to my brother. Seriously, it's only been a day but I can already see how much happier he is. You are making that change, and I can't thank you enough for bringing him back to life."

I felt tears prick my eyes at her heartfelt words. She was such a sweet person. I reached for Edward's hand, looking up at him while I replied to his sister. "Alice, you have no reason to thank me. Edward makes me happy. I hope I can do the same for him."

He squeezed my hand and I felt my heart pump faster. Alice's chirpy voice flowed through mine and Edward's silent conversation. "…you're already doing it. Where are you, by the way? I was going to pop over to yours, but when I phoned you were out."

I plopped myself over to Edward again, feeling as if this would be a longer conversation than I thought. I got comfy into his side before I answered. He was happy just playing with my strands of hair. "I'm actually out at lunch. With Edward."

"With Edward? I though that was still in the house. No wonder I couldn't find him at lunch time."

I chuckled down the phone. "Well, he's right here with me. Maybe he left in amongst your long phone calls to Rose about fashion week. Apparently you're packing already."

I heard he huff at the other end. "For your information Bella, it takes time and effort to get the correct outfit ready for fashion week. You can't just turn up in your jeans and trainers. It's a hard decision. You don't want to be mocked.' She paused, before replying in a smaller voice. 'Thank you so much for the tickets. It was too much, but I love them so much."

If we were in the same location I would have hugged her. "You're my best friend. I'm allowed to spoil you. And it was your birthday! So just enjoy them, with Rosalie."

I could see her smile at the other end. "I will, and so will she. We are so excited! Anyway, I cam to ask you what you are doing tonight."

I paused, before Edward's voice shot into the phone for me. "She's doing nothing, Alice." I slapped his face out the way, earning a small chuckle from him before he resumed his task with my hair. I coughed slightly. "What did you have planned?"

"The choir. You haven't been in ages. We haven't sounded as good since you haven't been there. Please come, we all count on you to bring as all together." She begged me.

Who was I to say no? "Sure, I'll come. Same time, same place?"

"Yep." She replied, happier now she had her answer.

I signed off. "I'll see you then, Alice."

"Okay, bye."

I snapped down my phone, ending our call, and then slipped my phone back into my back. I leaned back against Edward's chest to see him staring down at me, a smile playing on his lips. "What marvellous plans have you got for this evening then?"

"The choir. I haven't been in a while; it'll be nice to get back." He nodded in understanding, placing a comforting kiss on my hair. "Are you okay with me going?' I asked, suddenly worried. 'I mean, if you'd rather I was with you, I'll call and say I can't go." I felt as if I should be spending as much time with him as possible. I was determined to be the best girlfriend imaginable - I knew it was so I was comforted in the hope he wouldn't let me go.

He shook his head. "Bella, I don't mind what you do. Like you said, you haven't been in a while; it'll be nice to see the people again. And I can't keep you away from my sister for two long. I can share you, you know."

I giggled, before silencing him with my lips.

----

I spent the rest of the day with Edward, until he went away just before six. It was nice to finally spend time with him, with no-one else around. It was just him and me. Not that I didn't like it when we were together as a family, but it felt more personal just the two of us. Needless to say, I was looking forward to all the moments in the future when we would spend valuable time together.

As it neared seven, I quickly shrugged my coat on again, hung my bag off my shoulder and made my way out of the house to go to the church. I had to admit I was excited. The last couple of weeks had been bad for me, and I hadn't really sung, just written. It felt nice to know that I was going to welcomed back into the choir family and warm up my vocal chords again. Of course, now that me and Edward were on good terms again, my piano lessons would be continuing. We had discussed it this afternoon and he had told me that I was quite ahead of schedule. I just couldn't wait to compose music for my lyrics. The finished piece would be, I suspect, a very emotional thing for me to hear. It has been something I've wanted for so long, to finally reach it; it'll be something else entirely.

My thoughts had clouded my mind but I'd still managed to find my way to the church. I made my way up to the large doors, stepping inside. Turning around I was met with many smiling faces and lots of friendly waves. It was like coming home from a holiday. I'd missed this people. A lot.

Alice came running into my view, hugging my fiercely around the waist as soon as I entered. She held onto my arm as I put my coat and bag on a peg, then dragged me to sit down at the seats. Others came around us, eager to let me know that I was still welcome. I felt myself tear up at their friendly natures, feeling really accepted in this group.

Eventually people started to settle down, getting into their seats and taking out their music. Ben, the pianist and conductor - the leader of all of us - stood in the front.

"Hello everyone. I hope you had a fantastic week, and are ready to start singing again." Many pleased murmurs surfaces around our fairly large group. I smiled. "I'd like to personally welcome Bella back. We've all missed you and your glorious voice." I ducked my head as people around me started to stare. I few leaned forward and gave comforting pats on the back. "Now, let's get started."

Everyone started to get up and shuffle towards the piano. I took my place beside Alice. Ben reached over the crowd and gave me an extra music sheet. "We've learnt something new." He eyed me, then smiled. "But, we haven't found a lead yet. Think you're up to it?"

I didn't think I'd be thrown in at the deep end straight away. But I smiled, eager to sing once more. I smiled back at him; he was a nice man. "Fine. But let me hear everyone else first."

And that let him into the tune, with everyone's voices flowing into my ears. Which also lead to many tunes that night. And I was so glad I'd come; I felt another piece of the life I'd lost come back to me.

I felt like I was home.

**A/N; Thank you for all the encouraging reviews for last chapter. I had some great ideas given to me, so thank you for that too. Someone asked about Emmett, and I'm actually surprised no-one had mentioned it before. Yes, he will be in this story, but he won't come in the way you might think. Why would I leave him out? Rosalie needs some love too. (:**

**Anyways, thanks again, and I hope you enjoy this. Please review!**

**PS. Sorry for any spelling errors. :D**


	22. Twenty One

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Twenty-One.**

The change that Alice saw in her brother was staggering. Gone was the lonely, reserved man he once was. In replace was a happy man, who smiled much more than he used to. And for her to witness that change made it all the more special. She was thankful that Edward finally had someone to stand beside him and make him happy. Bella had been the catalyst for this change. She knew no-one who could have made Edward come out of his shell more. To think that if Bella has never walked into that choir practice, and if Alice hadn't welcomed her so warmly as to start a friendship that Edward might not be this happy now. She could never regret a moment of what had gone on these last two months.

It had been three weeks since Edward and Bella has sorted out their problems and insecurities, finally ending up together and seeing how perfect they were for each other. She wouldn't say she was an expert, but she could see they were very much in love. There was the looks, the innocent touches, and romantic gestures that laid it out for the onlooker. She clumsiness was made better by the way he handled himself. Her insecurities and lack of confidence were made better by endless compliments and pushing her forward to do more. And they way he held himself back, kept everything inside, was being changed by her way of telling when something was wrong and sorting it. They combined, and made something beautiful. Alice felt privileged to have witnessed such a couple in harmony with each other. Not many could say they had seen real love being created.

She felt arms wrap around her waist, breaking her from her thoughts. Warm lips were pressed onto her neck, making her smile. "Are you nearly ready?" Jasper has been waiting, quite patiently, for her to get ready to get out.

She turned around in his arms, pressing their foreheads together. "Yes. Just let me grab my bag and then we'll go."

He took hold of her awaiting hand and grasped it tightly as she collected the Gucci handbag she just had to buy. He cocked his head to the side. "What are you buying anyway? What could be so 'urgent' as to get me out my bed at ten o-clock?"

She turned to look at her boyfriend, eying him closely. He had no idea what he was talking about, did he? Did he not know the importance of finding the perfect shoes to go with the perfect dress for fashion week? She rolled her eyes, with him still waiting for her answer. "Shoes, Jas, shoes! The most important part of my outfit! I need to look stunning at fashion week, and the shoes always complete the outfit.' She shook her head; no matter how oblivious he was, she still loved him. Then her gaze fell to the floor. 'And to add to that, I need to at least feel tall when I'm there. Standing next to Rosalie, I'll look like a dwarf."

She felt his finger pull her face up to line with his face. He forced her to look into his eyes. " Firstly, you'd look stunning wearing a bin bag. Secondly, if you were a dwarf you 'd be the cutest dwarf in all the kingdom. And thirdly, no matter what you look like when you go there, I'll still love you - even though I won't be there to see it, you'll still be the only one I'll see."

She smiled a watery smile of thanks. Then pressed her lips to his gently. "Thank you." she whispered when they pulled away.

He stroked his hair with one hand while the other found her hand once more, leading her out the door. "Anytime, my darling."

The walked down the stairs hand in hand, before leading off the stair case in search for the other couple in the house. It felt like it wasn't just her and her brothers house anymore. There was always one of the two couples in here somewhere. And usually, when searching for Bella and Edward, they were found near the piano room.

Before they knew it, soft notes were spilling into their ears, and they headed off eagerly in search of the sound. After following the melody, which was drawing to a close, they ended up at the piano room door, now called Bella and Edward's room. This was where they spent most of their times together, except when she managed to gauge them out with takeaways. She knew it was important to them to spend time together, but she felt the need to keep up her friendship with Bella. Plus, it was nice for the three girls to get together every so often.

Jasper knocked quietly on the door, and Edward's voice called, "Come in,"

They walked in hesitantly, and quietly. This seemed to be 'their' place, and it seemed wrong to rush right into it. It seemed sacred, special.

They found the couch had been placed directly in front of the piano, and Edward was sprawled on top of it, with his feet hanging off the end and his head supported by both his arms. Bella sat on the small stool, with her upper half near the piano, and her legs placed over Edward's stomach. The sight of them so comfortable together hit Alice right in the heart; she never thought she'd see her brother so happy with a woman.

Jasper walked forward and placed his hands on Bella's shoulders, kissing her forehead in a friendly way. "Bells, that was great. You sound really good now."

Alice watched that famous blush appear, and giggled. "He's right. At the beginning you were good, but now you're just… wow."

Bella shook her head. "Stop."

Edward sat up, taking Bella's legs with him, making her slide off the stool, landing on top of her boyfriend. He gathered her up, turning her around, and placed her in between his parted legs, making them both more comfortable. His arms wrapped around her waist, keeping her to him. "She won't listen. Every single time she plays a piece, I give her praise, and yet she doesn't believe me. She's spectacular, and picked it up in record time."

Bella's blush heightened. "Seriously, guys. Okay, so I've improved, but you're acting like I'm some kind of musical talent. I'm nothing of the sort."

Alice rolled her eyes and walked forward so she was standing in front of her 'sister'. "Now you listen here, Bella. You are brilliant, not just at piano but your voice too. You keep putting yourself down. That isn't going to get you anywhere in the music business; something you should have been involved in years ago. I see you one day winning awards, Bella. And who's gonna bet against me?"

Bella's eyes fell to her knees, her face still rosy red. "No-one." She whispered.

It was true. No-one was advised to bet against Alice. She wasn't sure what it was, but it was some sort of power inside her. She knew what would happen; just a weird gift she had gained in her life.

Alice nodded. "Exactly. So, my sister, you have to start believing in yourself, just like we all do." She smiled down at her friend, hoping her message had been put across.

Edward leant down and kissed her neck. "She's right, love. You're really that good."

"I agree." Jasper added.

They all watched as Bella seemed to curl more into Edward's chest, like she was trying to hide. Her face peeked out from under her hair, and Edward stroked her back soothingly. Bella had never been one for attention. "Okay, okay, I'll try to gain confidence. If you all just let it go."

"Deal.' Alice replied. She walked over to Jasper and put her arm through his. 'Anyway, the real reason we came down was to ask if you both wanted to come out with us? We're heading out to Port Angeles; I need shoes. Now, I know that isn't your idea of fun,' She eyed Bella. 'But you could join us, have a look around yourselves, and meet us for coffee later?"

Bella sat up slightly. "Not that I'd not like to, but I promised I'd pop around to Charlie's today. I haven't seen him in a couple of days, and last time he needed laundry and gardening down. I thought I'd see if there was anything else he needed help with."

Jasper nodded, "Okay. Well, say hi from us both. Edward, do you want to join us?"

Alice watched as he brother shook his head. "Nah, I'm alright. I'll just potter around here or something. But you two go and have fun. Alice is always a bundle of laughs when it gets to shopping."

She glared down at her brother. "Watch it, or you'll be the next shopping victim."

He abruptly stopped laughing, and she had managed to wipe that smirk right off his face. Alice turned back once more, waving behind them, before the door was closed again as the pair headed out into the late September winds.

-.-.-

He watched her scoot closer to his chest, and the silence around them blanketed them. It was these moments he loved the best. When no-one was around; when it was quiet, relaxed; when he had her alone. Yes, he was selfish, but he couldn't help it. He craved her, and being away from her was close to torture. Since they had been together they had only been apart a handful of times. They both knew why; the thought of losing each other again was too heartbreaking. So for now, and forever, he would be contented in just having her with him.

He felt her head move on his chest, and when he followed her gaze, it landed on the clock. His arms tightened around her automatically, and his girlfriends sweet giggle erupted.

"Edward, I'll have to go at some point."

He groaned. "No. At least not yet."

He relaxed as she settled herself back down again into the comfortable position they had before. His arms around her waist, his fingers drawing designs on her flat stomach through the material of her checked shirt. He closed his eyes, the melody Bella has just played coming back to him, and his lips hummed the tune into the quiet air.

He felt Bella shift around him, turning over so they were stomach to stomach, and when he opened his eyes, she was looking up at him in awe. "Do you know how amazing you are?" She whispered, wide-eyed.

He chuckled. "I'm not amazing, love. You on the other hand…"

She whacked his arm. "Shut up. But seriously, sometimes I wonder… how on earth I got to be with a guy like you. You're just… wow."

He felt his cheeks warm up into a blush. "Thanks. I think the same thoughts about you over and over again. I guess we'll just have to agree that we are both mesmerised with each other."

She laughed. "I guess we shall."

Their conversation ended, and the silence fell upon them again. They sat like that for at least another half an hour, before Bella struggled out of his arms. "Edward, I really do have to go." She looked at him, pleading.

He let his arms drop to his side from where he sat, and she managed to stand and walk over to where all her stuff lay. Looking back at him, she saw the pained look in his eyes. Her shoulders dropped. "I'm coming back, you know." She watched as he nodded, but she still saw some of the pain there. It was always hard for them to part.

He stood up, stretching his arms above his head, and then pushed his hands into his jean pockets, watching her silently as she shrugged on her jacket and slipped on her Converse shoes. She turned back around again, and walked over to him.

"I'll see you soon, okay? I'll be back before you know it."

He shook his head. "No you won't be. I'll know every second that you're gone, and you know I will. I'll be counting, waiting, wishing…"

She pushed her arms through his locked stance and wrapped them around his waist. Standing up on her tiptoes, she pressed a kiss to his jaw - the only place she could reach. He relaxed slightly, letting his arms return to her, hoisting her up slightly, and kissing her properly, Her arms moved to around his neck, her fingers burying into his bronze locks, and they stayed like that for some time.

Bella pulled away, her eyes closed. He watched as her eyes flickered slowly open, knowing she was memorising this moment. He hugged her tighter.

"I'll miss you." She murmured into his neck.

He pulled back. "Let me go with you."

Her eyes widened. "I don't know if that's the best idea, Edward. He hasn't met you before. He might be weird with you coming into his house."

He silenced her with another kiss. "Pleas Bella, stop making up excuses. Yes, he hasn't met me before. But he knows about me, and I'll have to meet him sometime. I want to Bella, I want to know your father. I want to know who raised you. I want to know… all of you. Please, love."

He finished with the famous Cullen pout that he could pull off nearly as good as Alice, and as soon as she saw it, she was a goner. She sighed. "Okay, okay. You can come. You'd meet him at some point, anyway."

Edward swung her around, her squeal erupting from her lips into the otherwise quiet room. He placed his lips on hers once more, melting into her form. "Thank you,' He whispered as they pulled away. 'This means a lot to me."

Her fingers stroked gently across his cheek. "I know. But beware. He still owns his guns."

He let Bella down from their entwined bodies, and searched for his coat, pulling it over his shoulders. When he turned back around, Bella was standing right in front of him. She looked down. "I hope you know that I want you to meet him. I wasn't stopping you in anyway, you know… It means a lot to me too. I just…"

He bent down, kissing her nose. "I know, my love. Lets get this show on the road."

She laughed, grasping her hand in his, and then they left the house.

----

Edward's Volvo stopped in front of a small house, similar looking to Bella's. He looked over at his girlfriend, watching her expressions chance from on of composure, to one of worry. He let his hand find hers and give it a small, reassuring squeeze. "What's wrong?" He asked quietly.

She turned to him, "Nothing."

He undid his seat belt, turning his body to see her more clearly. "Love, please tell me. You know how I hate it when you keep things from me - it drives me mad."

She laughed lightly, but her heart wasn't in it. "I just.. I hope you and my father hit it off. It's important to me that he likes you and vice versa. He's not much of a conversationalist, nor is he the most fun guy in Forks, but he's my father, you know."

He meant in a kissed her cheek. "I know. I'm sure it'll go smoothly."

She turned to him with a smile. "I hope so."

He touched her cheek once more before exiting his car from his side, running around and opening Bella's car door. She undid her seat belt, getting out of the car, and waited for him to lock it before taking his hand tightly in his.

She turned to him as they went up the steps. "Do you like football?"

His brow wrinkled. "Um… yes."

"Do you keep track of the games?"

He nodded, still unsure.

She sighed, "Good. My father: big football fan."

They continued walking up the few steps until they reached the door. Bella's shaky hand went to the door handle, and the door swung open. They stepped inside, wiping their feet on the small mat.

"Dad, it's me!"

A gruff voice came from the other room, the television on in the background. "Bella, is that you?"

Bella smiled as she walked through the hall into the living room, dragging Edward behind her. The room was quite dark, with blue walls and dark furniture. The small light at the end of the room was on, with the only other source of light being the television, flashing with different players in stripy shirts. Beside the chair which her father on sitting on was a small table, covered in plates with leftover food and a few beer bottles. It was clear he needed a little bit of looking after, as anyone would who had gone through an accident like he did.

Bella pulled Edward forward by the hand. "Dad, this is Edward. My boyfriend."

Charlie seemed to sit up straighter than before, turning around quite sharply to look at Edward. Seeing this, he put on his crooked grin and said, "Nice to meet you, Mr Swan."

He was under Charlie's critical eye. He watched as her father studied him, while he tried to make as good an impression as possible. Once Charlie was quite satisfied, he began to smile.

"So this is Edward. Bella, where have you been hiding him?" Charlie laughed.

Bella blushed, but seemed to relax a little. "Nowhere Dad."

"Sure, sure. Well, it's nice to meet you too, Edward." Her father extended a hand, which Edward moved forward to shake. Charlie's hand clenched around Edward's in a firm grip, the look in his eye telling him that today, Charlie was boss. Edward nodded slightly. Charlie smiled. "Go ahead, sit down."

Bella's hand slipped into Edward's again, guiding him to the couch at the other end of the room. They slipped off the coats before they sat down. Bella leant in slightly to Edward's side, still needing confidence. "So Dad, how have you been these last couple of days?"

Charlie shrugged his shoulders. "Alright."

"Did you eat the food I bought you?" Bella asked.

Charlie nodded.

"Taking your pills?"

He nodded again, and by then Edward has grasped the fact that his girlfriends father wasn't much of a talker, like she has said.

Bella nodded, "Good."

Edward looked at his girlfriend, falling even more in love with her in this moment. Seeing the care she was pouring out to her father was amazing. She obviously loved him very much, and watching them interact together as daughter to father, was very heart-warming.

Bella shook her head, looking over at her fathers small table. "Dad, do you never think of cleaning? Seriously, we don't want you to catch a bug or something."

Charlie shook off her worry. "Bells, I'm fighting fit. Stop worrying about me." His words were nothing to her as she scuttled around the room, picking up old bits of newspaper, the odd crisp packet and bottle of beer.

On her way out to the kitchen, she looked at her father and replied, "It's all I can do to worry. After everything that happened…"

Charlie shook his head. "It's in the past now, Bells."

Edward watched Bella leave the room, her arms full of rubbish. Charlie turned to him now, and for a moment he was filled with fear. Charlie had made it clear that he would be watching his every move; he wanted the best for her. Edward had to make sure he made a good impression.

"So, Edward, how did you meet Bella?"

He smiled, "It was actually my sister that she met first. You know that she's been going to the choir?' Charlie nodded, interested. 'Well, my sister and her hit it off really well. Alice, she loves Bella like a sister."

Charlie smiled. "Yes, Bella has talked about her quite a lot. She seems like a sweet kid."

Edward relaxed slightly as the conversation got more comfortable. "Thank you. My sister is very close to me. So, anyway, after they got to know each other Bella mentioned she wanted piano classes. I happen to teach piano, and that's when we met; I teach her piano."

Charlie smiled. "That sounds great. You play piano? I'm partial to the odd tune."

"Tell me sometime and I'll play for you."

Bella popped her head through the door, probably checking that everything was going okay. She looked over at Edward, and he nodded, grinning crookedly. She looked quite relieved. Then she turned to Charlie, smiling. "Do you need your sheets changed?"

Charlie looked down. "Yes, probably. Thank you so much for doing this Bella."

She shrugged. "It's fine. Anything, Dad."

She scurried away, Edward hearing her footsteps going up the stairs. Charlie stared at the door where she had been, smiling slightly. "She's good to me, that girl."

Edward nodded. "Bella's special."

Her father turned to him, giving him full force of the stare he could hold. It frightened Edward slightly, but he knew what was coming.

Charlie looked at him hard. "She is special. She's my little girl. And I don't want her to get hurt. Last month, there was something different about her. Couldn't place it myself, but it was there. Luckily, Jasper sorted that out and she's happy again. I don't want to see her down again. Can you promise to keep her happy, like she deserves to be?"

Edward leant forward, hoping his eyes told her father everything he wanted to know about that subject. Bella meant the world to him. "Sir, I will do everything in my power to make sure that Bella is the happiest person in the world. She deserves the best, and I want to give it to her. I'd do anything for your girl. I hope you realise how much she means to me; she is my everything."

Charlie leant back, his eyes fixed on his daughters boyfriend. It was obvious that she meant a lot to him, and everything he had said was proved true in his face. It was written in his expressions how much he… loved her. And she's always be his little girl. But he had to give her away at one point; right now, Edward seemed to be the one she wanted. He seemed an alright guy.

He sighed. "You seem to feel a lot for her. So, I give you my blessing as it were. When she talks about you, as much as it hurts to say it, she seemed to be besotted with you. I guess she's not my girl anymore, she must be yours."

Edward walked forward, shaking Charlie's hand once again. "Thank you, Sir. I will not disappoint her, or you. But, just so you know, I'd never take her away from you. She cares for you so much. So, I guess we'll just have to share." He chuckled, and Charlie joined him.

Charlie smiled wider, his eyes softening from the hard glare, to a soft look. "Thank you. That means a lot. You seem like a good guy."

Edward looked down, "Thanks again."

He moved back to his seat, pointing towards the television on which the football was playing. "How's the game going?"

Charlie seemed to brighten up even more. "You keep track of the game?"

Edward nodded, feeling more relaxed and he sunk into the chair. "Usually. Play occasionally too. I was going to record this."

Charlie waved his hand. "No need; I love to have company while watching. Feel free to come over. Sometimes Jasper comes to watch, not so much just now though…"

Edward laughed. "I'm afraid that's my sisters fault. They are an item now, of course."

Charlie smiled. "I don't mind. As long as he's happy. He's like a son to me."

Their conversation slowed, and they focussed on the game while Bella pottered around the house cleaning, sorting things out and making her fathers house have more order. Every so often she would look into the room, glance at her boyfriend and her father interacting, and she would smile. It was important to her that they formed some sort of friendship. They seemed to get along great; football seemed a safe subject for them both. At times, Edward would feel her presence and turn around, giving her a small, loving smile, which she would return.

This time, she came fully into the room, going around Edward's chair and letting her arms rest over his shoulders. She caught her father looking, and from the look his gave, she began to become more confident. It seemed he welcomed the idea of her and Edward's relationship; he'd been on at her for a while to share her life with someone.

Edward turned his face at her touch, taking her hand in his, turning it and pressing a small kiss to her wrist. She smiled, before looking to her father. "How's the garden doing? Does it need any work?"

Charlie looked suddenly guilty. "I must admit I've let things grow far too long. There are some bits and pieces to tidy up. I'll come with you and help."

Bella shook her head. "No, you both stay and watch the game. I'll be outside if you want me."

"Love, are you sure you wouldn't like some help?"

Bella turned to Edward. "No, I'm fine. I'll be back soon." She left with a smile, and the two went back to the game.

Over an hour later, the game had finished, and due to her fathers tired state, he had fallen asleep. Edward glanced at his sleeping form, looking at him closely. He recognised that look, the same look Bella had when she slept. The similarities they held were lovely to see.

Quietly, he got up and walked to the window. Out into the afternoon light he saw he girlfriend tending to some weeds in her fathers garden. He watched her for a few minutes, just looking at her as he did from time to time. He found her mesmerising, and at times he was unable to stop looking.

Taking one more look at Charlie's sleeping body, he went out of the living room to join Bella in the garden. He closed the door as quietly as he could, but Bella never stirred. He crept up behind her, slipping his arms around her, and she jumped at the contact, turning quickly. "Oh! I never heard you coming."

He smirked. "Too interested in the plants, huh?"

She laughed. "Obviously."

He leant in pressing their lips together gently. Her arms moved around his neck, pulling him closer, eating up his mouth, making up for the time they had just lost. When they pulled away, Edward whispered, "I love you."

Bella stroked his cheek "And I love you."

Edward looked at her, his eyes boring into hers. Green into Brown, they looked into each others souls. And the Edward gave forward his request. "Dance with me, Bella."

Bella edged backwards, looking at him as if he was deranged. "Dance? Right now?"

He nodded, inching closer, taking her hands in his. "Yes."

"But there's no music." Her brow creased.

He laughed, bringing her into his arms, one arm around her waist, the other out, ready to dance. "So? We don't need music. The sounds around us will do."

Bella looked down at their feet. "But I can't dance, Edward. I fall over my feet as it is."

He shushed her. "Follow me. It's all in the leading."

He moved them together, directing her to move the right way. She laughed as they moved, brightening the night. When she slipped up, he would pull her up again, fixing her before they moved off again. Yes, their dance was stilted, but it didn't make it any less special.

And, unknown to them, Charlie watched on with a smile on his face.

Bella seemed utterly happy.

Which made him to glad Edward was in her life.

**A/N; Sorry for the little wait. Last week I had a lot of homework and NABs to revise for, which lead to little time for writing. I'm planning to trying to put up a chapter a week, but hopefully you'll be patient as time goes on. Exams come up soon, so revision will be needed. (:**

**Anyway, I wanted to thank you all for your lovely reviews. It's great to hear what you think of everything. All your little comments and ideas mean the world. Pleas, keep them coming. I'd love some more.**

**Can we try for over 150? :D**


	23. Twenty Two

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Twenty-Two.**

"Alice, you're free to leave."

She smiled, grateful to finally be getting home. "Thanks, Lily."

The assistant just smiled in reply, before adding. "Oh, by the way, there is a man waiting for you in reception. Jasper, I think his name was."

She felt her whole face light up at Jasper's name. Sometimes, when she really thought about it and brought herself out of the consuming love she felt, she wondered how she had come to find such a man that fitted her perfectly. She guessed she'd never know. But needless to say, without the answers, she'd continue to love him.

After rushing around the locker room, stuffing her nurse's uniform back into her locker, she grabbed her bag, shrugging on her coat over her work clothes, and hurried out to get to the reception area on the first floor.

She ran straight past some of her colleagues, calling 'Have a good weekend' right after her body flew right by. They waved at her in return, with smirks on their faces at her behaviour. She pressed the button on the lift, jiggling up and down on her feet as she waited for the doors to burst open.

"Do you need the toilet or something?" She heard from her side. She groaned mentally. Great, another hold up she didn't need.

She turned to her side to see Mike Newton; new kid in the hospital. His father was one of the bosses, and so his son had got the job as the new assistant doctor on floor nine straight away. He had ladies from every floor talking about him, but Alice couldn't see what they were on about. He looked liked he'd just stepped right out of high school. Blonde spiky hair with baby blue eyes, quite a nice body shape, and a little pout on his mouth. She could see a little of what they were saying, but really… he was nothing on Jasper.

He'd been trying to talk to her for weeks, and she'd successfully managed to ignore him at all his tries. Everyone knew that he had a crush on her, so it was no surprise to anyone that he was pursuing her. But only she knew that she'd never lay a finger on him. Jasper was the one for her.

She put on her best fake smile, drawing herself up to her full height, before turning around and facing him. His goofy smile made her want to giggle. She shook her head at his stupid question. "No, I'm just really wanting to get out of here. I love this job, but the weekend - I live for it."

He nodded along with her. "I know what you mean. Saving lives is alright for five days a week, but you need a break."

She narrowed her eyes at him; she always knew medicine held no interest to him. He didn't care if the patient lived or died. "I would go on saving lives every day of my life if I could. That's why I entered into this profession. If you don't have that goal too, I don't know why you're working here."

Thankfully the lift doors burst open at this exact point, with the irritating ding echoing throughout the halls. She quickly scooted in, hoping that he wouldn't take the lift to wherever he was going. It was evident that this conversation was completely over. Unfortunately for her, it appeared he wasn't finished. He quickly stepped in beside her, brushing his body against hers in an obvious way. The only thought that kept her going was the man that was waiting for her downstairs, only seconds away.

The doors closed, and the conversation began again. He'd changed the subject. "So, any plans for the weekend?"

She closed her eyes, wishing he'd just disappear. Yes, I'll be avoiding you, she thought. But then answered. "Yes, I plan on just relaxing with my friends, maybe go out, do dinner or shopping or something like that."

He smiled, leaning into her more. "Dinner, huh? Now how about you accompany me to dinner this weekend… on a date?"

She looked up to the small screen, which was now showing that she was finally on floor one. She thanked God; she couldn't stand another minute with this annoying man. She shook her head, putting on her sympathetic face as she turned to him. "I'm afraid that won't be possible, Mike."

The doors opened, and Alice's gaze fell on Jasper straight away.

Mike almost cornered her in the lift. "And why might that be, darling Alice?"

She was truly disgusted. She pushed him back, his bad breath no longer floating around her. She used her finger, putting directly at Jasper. "Because, darling Mike,' She mocked while recognition fled his face. "If I'm going to dinner with any man this weekend, and any weekend for that matter, I'll be going with him."

And with that, she smiled at the sad looking Mike, waving her fingers at him tauntingly, before strutting over to Jasper, who bundled her into his strong embrace, showing the world she was his and only his. He lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his torso, and their lips joined, creating something magical. They ignored the catcalls and claps that went through way, and all that Jasper could do was move them towards the exit, into the early October winds.

----

Jasper's hand held onto Alice's tightly the entire walk home. She could tell it was because of Mike and what had happened earlier. Once they had got outside the hospital, he'd continued to hold her, and she'd had to reassure him that she was his and only his. It saddened her slightly that he needed reassured. In all their relationship she'd never seen him look so heartbroken over another guy coming towards her. But in a way it pleased her to know she meant so much to him.

As they began the fairly long walk home, they had been quite quiet. They entwined hands lay in between them, swinging at the pace they were walking. Their other hands were in their pockets, shielding them from the winds. It was peaceful, but their was something in between them.

"So who was that guy, Mike, anyway?" Ah, the unspoken question. Jasper growled out the mans name, his protectiveness coming out.

Alice stopped walking, and turned Jasper sharply to look down at her. Her other hand came out from her pocket, and cupped his cheek, her fingers melting into his facial bone structure. They stroked, and she watched as Jasper's eyes softened. She sighed. "Mike is a new employee at the hospital. He has many woman falling over him, but unfortunately I have been chosen as the one he wants. I, on the other hand, don't want him, but he keeps going - trying to get me to go out on dates, asking me around to his place. All of the invitations I refuse. Why wouldn't I? When I could go home and cuddle up with you." She leaned up, placing their foreheads together, the silence around them strangely comforting. The only sound was their laboured breathing, due to the strong winds that wrapped around them. She released their hands, her arms winding around his neck, with his attaching to their position on her waist, pulling her forward. "I'll never, ever go out with Mike. Because my heart will always be yours, for as long as we are together, and even when we are apart."

He pressed his lips onto her forehead, gathering her even closer. "But we'll never be apart, not really; I want you forever."

She smiled, looking up into his love-filled eyes. "Good,' She whispered. 'Because you're never going to get rid of me."

Jasper laughed, letting her slide back to the ground. He wrapped one arm around her waist, with his other free hand clutching hers. They walked like that for a while, occasionally kissing, and making everyone that past them know that they were deeply in love. It shone in their faces, and was explained in through caresses.

They eventually reached town, and were only a few blocks from Alice's house. It was Jasper's home too now, as he hardly spent any time away from Alice. Bella seemed to live their too. It pleased Alice to have more people around the house. For the longest time, Edward, and sometimes herself, had used it as a place to hide. But, thanks to Bella and Jasper, they'd managed to let other people into their life.

Alice looked up. "Do you… miss Bella?"

Jasper looked down at her, confused. "Miss Bella? Why would you ask?"

Alice shook her head. "Sorry, I worded that wrong. What I mean is, you spend a lot of time with me now, and she spends a lot of time with Edward. And it's understandable. I know you two used to be closer than close when we weren't around. So do you miss not spending as much time as you used to with her?"

Jasper looked into the distance for a second, before turning back to Alice, kissing her cheek before beginning. "Not really, I guess. It's not like she'd gone. We've just… got more important people in our lives now. I've got you; she's got Edward. And I feel like we are better people in a sense now that we do. But Bella will always hold a piece of my heart - we've known each other for so long it's hard to let go of her. But our friendship still remains now. And I think it's even stronger now that we are sharing it with you and Edward."

Alice looked down. "Good. It was just… sometimes I thought that me and my brother were pulling you apart. You used to be together constantly, and now… you aren't."

Jasper shrugged. "We're just growing up, and our friendship base is expanding. But we'll always be best friends.' He stuck his finger under Alice's chin, pulling her gaze up to his. 'And don't you ever feel guilty. I love you, and that doesn't change anything."

She smiled; the smile that always warmed up his heart. "Thank you. I love you too, you know that right?"

Jasper nodded, before kissing her once more.

They continued to walk through town, going down streets until they hit the centre of Forks. Their was a few cafes, shops, and the church used for choir and services in the corner. As they looked around, Alice's eyes were drawn to Starbucks; the place where she had met Rosalie, never knowing at that moment what a friend she would become. And then, just at that moment, an exhausted looking Rosalie exited Starbucks carrying a large take-away coffee.

Alice laughed, turning Jasper's gaze to where she was looking. She raised her hand, waving over at Rosalie. Rose smiled as she noticed them, changing the direction she was planning on going - back to her apartment Alice guessed - and walked over to them. After the hugs and greetings were over Alice pointed back to Starbucks.

"I bet you're happy you can buy and not sell anymore, huh?" Alice smiled.

Rose took a sip of her hot coffee before nodding enthusiastically. "Of course. I was sick of that place probably even before I started working their full time. But it was nice to catch up with the people there. And not have to clean up he tables afterwards."

Jasper laughed. "Well, we were just heading back to Alice's place.' He looked at Alice, who nodded her head, telling him she knew what he was going to ask. 'Do you want to come back and have dinner or something?"

Rose looked down. "Well, if you're sure I wouldn't intrude…"

Alice smacked her arm dramatically. "Rose! When would you ever intrude?! You are welcome at any time, day or night, to come over. It's an open house now, anyway. Bella and Jas are always coming over."

Rose laughed. "Alright then, I will."

They began to walk back out of town, now in the direction of Alice and Edward's house. They chatted quite happily, with Jasper not managing to get a word in edgeways. It was clear that Alice and Rose had some catching up to do. He was quite contented to listen to their conversation, at least when he wasn't admiring the beauty he felt privileged to call his.

"So, where have you been today?" Alice's voice chirped.

Rose gestured to her attire. "Dancing. As usual. I love it dearly, and the kids I work with are amazing, in both talent and enthusiasm. But it can get so tiring."

Alice nodded, with Jasper at her side listening. "I guess it must be even more work right now, especially with the show coming up and all."

"Oh yes. They are all so excited, and so am I. But sometimes I want to just slap them around the ears and make them listen to instructions. They are just so hyper. But, it's coming together now, and with two weeks to go, that's the most important thing."

Alice smiled. "Well, we can't wait to see it, can we Jas?"

Jasper nodded, before adding dryly. "Oh no. Alice already has my tux waiting for me."

Alice glared at her boyfriend before smacking him around the head, making him yelp. "You have to look nice. It's Rose's first show. You don't want to show up in just any old clothes."

Rose jumped in quickly. "Alice, it's not that high class! It's just a normal dance show. Don't turn up wearing jewels or anything." She laughed at the thought.

Alice smiled, shaking her head. "I guess you don't know who's coming, do you?"

Alice had been put in charge of selling tickets for the event. Rose was selling them to all the dance students and their families, but Alice had been selling to anyone she put her eyes on. Nearly every member of staff at the hospital had been bribed into taking a ticket, with random friends and family buying them too. Not to mention that she had managed to get Bella to sell some through her friend in fashion. Almost all of the 3000 citizens of Forks had a ticket, so much that they couldn't hold the show at the dance studio. It was have to be at the town hall.

Rose stopped in her tracks. "Alice… who have you invited?" She saw the wary look in Rosalie's eyes.

But she just smirked as she replied. "What?' She tried to act innocent. 'You asked me to sell, and sell I did. We have almost all of Forks coming to see your show, plus some others…"

"Others? Gosh, Alice, I hope you haven't gone overboard."

Jasper snorted. "Alice? Overboard? Never." That received him yet another glare, and then he quietened down again.

Alice continued. "Look, this is your first show, and I was worried that you'd work so hard on it and no-one would see it. So… I got Bella and Edward involved.' Rose pleaded to be told more. 'Well, Edward worked in music, remember? And Bella… with that friend in fashion… All I'm saying it that your show is becoming bigger by the minute. I want you to be seen as the best choreographer in history. I want to make this big for you. You deserve it."

Rosalie was quiet for a few minutes, and they continued walking until they reached Alice's street.

Then Rose turned to Alice, enveloping her into a hug. "Thank you so much Alice. You're an amazing friend. You've gone to all those lengths for me. I just hope it's worth it."

Alice smiled, kissing her cheek. "Of course it will be."

Alice dug through her bag, finally grasping her keys. After scooting through Jasper and Rosalie, who were chatting comfortably, she unlocked the door, and turned the hall lights on. She beckoned Jasper and Rose inside, all of them taking their coats off and hanging them on the racks.

Then the music hit them.

It was beautiful, empowering, and so full of love. The notes sprung into their ears, battering them and giving them sweet pain, and they were in complete shock at what they were hearing. The melody, although simple was very dramatic. Notes floating about and below the tune fitted perfectly, as the music slowed and speeded. Alice touched her heart, the beat becoming faster. All of them couldn't move. They'd never heard this piece before, yet it was so perfect they felt tears spring to their eyes. But the way it was played was different than before.

Alice's eyebrow cocked upwards. "That's different." she whispered, afraid of breaking the atmosphere.

Jasper nodded; he'd heard Edward play before, but nothing like this. "Yeah, it's… not like he usually plays. It's…I don't know."

"What makes you think Edward's playing it?" Rosalie voiced.

They turned to her, all of them wondering the same thoughts.

"Really?"

"Maybe."

"It could be."

Alice ventured forward first, taking small steps as they followed the music. It didn't lead them in the direction of the piano room, but to the living room, where the door was ajar. Alice leant in slightly, the power of the music becoming more powerful as you neared it.

Sitting in the middle of the room, cuddled up on the sofa, was Bella and Edward. His arm was around her body, her head resting gently on his shoulder, and they all watched the sweetness of the moment as Edward pressed a kiss to her hair. It was so romantic, only fuelled by the notes moving around them.

Alice cleared the throat and knocked lightly on the door. Bella's head stirred, making Edward turn around and face them. He smiled but said nothing. Nothing could be put into words at how perfect this unknown piece was.

He ushered them over, and they sat on the other sofa, watching the couple interact or just listening intently to the music. After another few minutes, the piece seemed to slow, the notes fading and then the room was completely silent, with everyone holding their breath.

Alice gasped. "What was that?" She whispered.

Edward looked down at Bella. "That was Bella's first piece. We recorded it this afternoon."

Rosalie smiled. "I knew it! We all thought it was different than Edward's usual style, and they were both standing confused. It was completely obvious it was Bella's doing.' She turned to Alice and Jasper, rolling her eyes dramatically. 'The only other piano player in our group is now Bella."

Jasper turned to Bella. "That was beautiful. So moving."

Bella snuggled deeper into Edward's chest, a blush radiating in her cheeks. "Thank you. It was written by me, and I wanted you all to feel the music, you know."

Alice smiled. "What was it about?"

Bella smiled. "Edward, of course."

And the rest of the group gave the couple privacy as they shared an intimate moment.

-.-.-

I want this to continue forever. I want to be this comfortable with these same people my whole life through. And the thing is, I can see it. I can see us all being together in twenty years time. I can see us all growing up an growing old together. I see us at each others weddings. I see us at nurseries dropping off our kids. I see us partying together, and relaxing together, like we are right now.

We don't need to go out and get drunk to bond and spend time together. Just being here, hanging out in Edward and Alice's living room, watching reruns of Friends and eating Indian take-away is fine for me. Sitting in between Edward's legs, munching happily and talking about nothing of significance for hours on end. And I'm happy doing this… doing nothing. I used to have to do things to get pleasure, but now, just sitting here, is fantastic.

I lean back further into Edward's embrace, relishing the feel of being so close to him. He puts down his plate, now finished with his curry, and kissing my forehead as we watch Monica and Chandler try and keep their relationship hidden from Joey in London. It's one of my favourite episodes and one of my favourites shows too.

We all laugh at the jokes, smile at the emotions flowing through the characters, and feel like the life they are living is real. But it's all made up, isn't it?

Sometimes I feel like this whole thing is a dream. Me and Jasper went so long without any other friends, suddenly having other people to turn to is both strange and wonderful. We're still very close, me and Jas, but we've got other people now too. And it's nice that way.

The episode finishes with that final, laugh-until-the-credits-finish joke, and then the screen rolls up as usual, with all our laughter dying down until the only sound is our breathing and the adverts on the television.

"We should do this more often." Rosalie states from her position, lying on her stomach with her legs stretched out behind her and her face lying on the arm of the chair.

Alice nods her head, which is balancing on Jasper's stomach. "I agree. I like spending time the five of us. It's not a chore, it's just easy."

That small conversation closes and then I begin the next one. "I meant to ask you both when you're leaving for Fashion Week?"

Alice clapped her hands excitedly, while Rose sat up grinning. It made me so happy to know that I was the one to give them that gift. The gift I got in return was seeing my friends so happy. Alice beamed. "Well, it's from the 24th to 26th of October, so in exactly two weeks time."

Rose nodded. "And it works out perfectly because my showcase for my dance classes is on the 21st, so I'll be able to relax. I'm so excited. I've never been to Fashion Week before."

"I went once, and oh Rose! You're going to love it." Alice squealed, and everyone laughed. She reminded me of a small, hyper child sometimes, but it was one of the things we all loved about her.

"Talking of your show, Rose,' I inquired. 'Do you know how many people you've got coming already. I know the limit for your show is just a little over 3000..."

Rose looked down. "Well, Alice says she's invited nearly all of Forks… but, my dance classes are so new. I don't think many people will want to see it. Forks isn't exactly the creative capital of the world, is it?"

Edward laughed. "No, it isn't. But people in this town are always interested in anything new that comes here. They are quite…nosy. So whatever happens, you'll have a lot of people here."

Rose shrugged. "Well, I think we've packed out the town hall. I'm not sure if it could take any more. We're already using the outside area because not enough people could fit into the building…"

"But you've got more seats available?" I wondered, hoping she'd say yes.

She nodded, looking at me. "Why?"

I sat up further, Edward's arms wrapping around my waist, pulling me back towards him again. "Well, I got in touch with some people… let's just say from the Fashion world, and a lot of people are wanting to come. We said it was all about the community, and you know how famous people love to look good to the public. Well, I've got someone people coming that might just need the red carpet."

"And I've got some people from the music business too." Edward added.

Rosalie looked back up at us, eyes brimming with grateful tears. "Guys, thank you so much for everything you are doing. It means so much to me how you're helping me. Without your help, this probably wouldn't be happening."

Edward grinned. "No problem. We're friends; we help each other."

And she smiled gratefully in return.

----

Our conversation lasted for several hours, with each of us doing little things to entertain. Alice, bless her huge heart, baked us some cookies, and that was hilarious in itself - she ended up with cookie mixture on her face, but thankfully Jasper was at hand to kiss it off. Edward brought out the home videos of him and his sister when they were younger. Young Edward was so cute, it gave me a glimpse into what our children - if we ever got married and had children - would be like. Jasper told stories of me and him when we were younger and all the mishaps we went through, and Rosalie bantered with Alice over all of Alice's ex-boyfriend's bad habits - Jasper laughed the entire time.

And then they made me play my composition again. I was more than happy to get in the practice. For Edward believed it was just an ordinary tune, but really, it was a tune that went along with some of the lyrics I have. So to me, it was extra special. And maybe one day, I'll play it for Edward. After all, the song is about him.

After a long but happy night, I seemed to fall asleep albeit to my embarrassment. I woke up with my head resting on Edward's lap, with his hand stroking my hair. Once more eyes had adjusted to the light, I rolled over, looking up to see him watching me.

"How long was I out for?" I croaked, my voice laced with sleep.

He grinned crookedly up at me, but his eyes were exhausted. "About 3 hours."

I sat up slowly, not wanting to get dizzy. "And you didn't go to bed. It must be…' I looked up onto the wall, searching for the clock. I found it and gasped. 'Two-o'clock in the morning. Edward, you could have moved!"

He pulled me closer. "I didn't want to move you. You looked so peaceful when you were sleeping."

I sighed. "It seems like the others were sane. At least they left."

He chuckled. "Yes. Rosalie left around eleven, as Jasper drove her home in Alice's car. I believe Jasper is upstairs with Alice; yet another reason I didn't move." He raised his eyebrows, making me giggle.

I touched his cheek. "I bet Jasper is being nothing but a gentlemen. He's a good guy, Edward."

He glanced at me with soft eyes. "He is."

At that moment a yawn escaped my mouth. I leaned up and stretched out my aching bones. Then I turned to Edward. "Is it alright if I crash on the couch tonight. I don't want to walk home right now, in the night you know."

Edward shook his head. "If that's what you want. I was, um, going to suggest… you could sleep in my bed if you wanted. With me. Or without, you know… whatever."

I leant my forehead against his. "Your bed sounds much more comfortable…" I whispered.

Next thing I knew, Edward has scooped me up under my les and was carrying me bridal style up the stairs, quietly as to not wake Jasper and Alice (that's if they were sleeping). He kicked his bedroom door open lightly, telling me to turn the lights on, and with that I was laid down on the bed. I kicked off my shoes as Edward pottered around the bed.

I blushed, realising something. "Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

I looked up at him. "I, um… don't have pyjamas."

Recognition was across his face in an instant. He put his hands on his hips. "Right… okay. Well, would you be opposed to wearing one of my shirts. Not doubt it'll cover you; it'll be very long…"

I smiled, grateful. "Yes, thank you." I was nervous. I had dreamed about sharing a bed with Edward many times, but I never knew it was happen so soon. Sure, we weren't going to do anything, but the fact would be that we would be together, close, in the same bed. The idea filled me with butterflies, both bad and good.

He chucked me a shirt from his wardrobe, and I turned around, taking my top off but leaving my bra on before slipping it over my head. His scent surrounded me, and I couldn't resist inhaling his scent from the fabric. It was sweet, just like him. I shuffled out of my jeans, took off my socks, leaving me only in my underwear with his shirt on. But it fell to just above me knees, which felt… okay. I didn't think he'd object.

I turned around, ready to tell him he could look again, only to find him pulling his shirt off. I couldn't speak, my mouth hung open in shock. I knew he had a fantastic body, but I never knew he was that… defined. The strong lines covering his abs, all the way down to the v in his hips. I could tell I was blushing, but I couldn't keep my eyes away.

I quickly turned back, walking backwards to the bed, and crawled in. A few moments later, the bed dipped from the other side, signalling that Edward was behind me. I felt his arms wrap around my body, and the heat of his chest was comforting. I turned around, with his arms still clutching me, until our noses were touching. Our lips locked, my hands floating up from his shoulders and into his hair while he pulled me even closer, our legs tangling.

I sighed, pulling away, and smiled. "I love you."

He pulled me into his chest, now lying on his back with my head resting on his heart. I kissed the space while he muttered sweet nothings.

The last thing I heard before I went to sleep was,

"Sweet dreams, my love."

And sweet dream, I did have.

**A/N; Thank you for all the fantastic reviews I got last chapter. I'm glad you all enjoyed it. So I'm back once more with another chapter. With this one, I wanted to give you all more insight into Alice and Jasper's relationship, as well as giving you some hints and details about future chapters. Of course, there will be the dance show, fashion week, and much more moments and drama to come. But then, there is Mike… I wonder what will happen there (laughs evilly). In actual fact, I have no plans with him… yet. So, we'll see.**

**I want to tell you all that I have got myself a live journal. I decided that it was only fair to give you a way of knowing about updates, new stories, and just little musings from my fan fiction. I'm going to use it weekly, telling you all about my updates and if there is anything new coming your way. There is a link on my profile, so don't forget to cheek that out. (:**

**Thanks again for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Can we go over 160 reviews, pretty please?**


	24. Twenty Three

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Twenty-Three.**

He leaned forward once again, and I could feel my heartbeat quicken. Being so close to this amazing human being was giving my heart rate problems. But I didn't mind. How could I, when I was so deeply in love with him? I felt his breath fan over my face, and my eyes closed as his lips pressed up against mine again. I sighed in pleasure, never wanting the kiss to end.

My hands made their trail up into his hair, grasping tightly onto the strands, hearing him moan in response. Sometimes I wondered if this hurt him - as I think it would - but the sounds he make contradict me. I feverishly tug at his bottom lip, dragging him closer until there is no room left between our bodies, and I can feel every single indent of his body on mine. It's heavenly. His hands, which had been pushing himself up on the sofa as not to crush me, now run up my sides, the material of my sweater crumpling at the mercy of his fingertips. I feel the goose bumps begin to grow, and I shiver in happiness. The fire within me has ignited long ago, and shows no sign of fading.

The need to breath is pointless. Imagine all the things we could do if we didn't have to breathe. But, as humans, we do, and I pull away. His breathing is ragged, but that doesn't stop him trailing his lips from the corner of my mouth, over my jaw and down my neck. The mouth mumbles nonsense in response, earning a chuckle from Edward.

He reaches my collarbone, and I gasp as his mouth begins to suck. The fire continues to build, relentlessly. His fingers never stop moving, and I know, somewhere at the back of my mind, this is not the thing we were supposed to be doing. Yep… we were supposed to be doing… something… else. It's in my mind somewhere, but those fantastic hands of his leave my mind reeling, and thinking of doing nothing like… whatever it was we were supposed to be doing. I'm sure I'll remember it at some point.

"You guys better be getting ready! I don't like the sound of those noises…" Alice's bright and breezy voice chirps loudly, and I can almost spot her beady eye peering through the peep hole.

Edward stops his ministrations abruptly, leaving me wanting more. He kisses me softly, before shouting in reply, "We are getting ready Alice! Shouldn't you be too?" My eyes bulge; how can he even form a complete sentence right now?

I can hear Alice groan. "Yes, I was getting ready. But then, when I listened closer, I heard moans instead of buttons being fastened and zips being pulled!"

I laugh breathily. "Alice, go get ready. I'll be through with you in a few minutes for you to do my make-up and hair."

"Alright." She replies, and I can hear her feet dance their way down the hall, and her bedroom door lock, Jasper's voice softly asking if she'd 'fixed the problem'.

I look up into Edward's eyes, the green shocking me momentarily. Filled with lust, I can almost feel it as my fingertips roam across the planes of his face. He smiles down at me, rubbing small circles on my hips bone.

Then he presses his forehead against mine, "Now. Where were we?"

He progresses to kiss me, making almost all my thoughts melt away. But I cannot be late for Rosalie's dance show; she's worked so hard, and needs us all to support her tonight. So I reluctantly pull away, making Edward sigh in annoyance.

He pouts, knowing I can't resist that Cullen pout. But tonight I must. I shake my head. "No, that' won't work tonight! We do need to get ready, Edward."

He groans, before lifting his body off of mine, setting himself down on the end of his bedroom sofa. He strokes my bare feet, and I feel my body mourn for his body's loss. He kisses each sole, before lifting himself off the couch and pulling me up with him. "Well, if we must. You'll need to go change. I can change here, and you can change in the bathroom, okay?"

I run my hand through his hair, making his eyes close, and then I kiss his cheek. "That's fine. I'll meet you downstairs when I'm done."

He nods, before kissing me once more, then walking over to his wardrobe, and I make myself leave him and enter the bathroom. I close the door, a smile permanently decorating my face. I sigh, happiness pouring from my every cell. Sometimes I wonder how someone can be this happy.

I remember Alice's party, when everyone found out about my past. Edward had said something along the lines of how it must have been a very hard time for me. I remember replying that there must be good at some point. So maybe this is my good phase. Maybe this is my happy time. I just hope it can last longer, and that the bed doesn't come trickling back in.

I look into the mirror, flattening down my unruly hair, and touching the blemishes on my face. I run the water in the sink, letting it warm before I splash my face, making me feel refreshed. After brushing my teeth, putting on some moisturiser, and cleaning myself briefly, I reach for the dress which was hanging up on the back of the door.

It's a beautiful dress. Bright red, going down to my knees, with small black beads to decorate. The straps are small, with the same intricate beaded design, and it has a plunge neck, accentuating my chest. It was a dress Alice had picked up with me in mind, and it worked out well as I didn't have a dress to wear tonight. You see, things were going to plan.

I quickly through on the dress, paired with some black heels (which, luckily, weren't too high) but didn't bother doing anything to my hair - that was all for Alice's pleasure. Then I exited the bathroom.

Edward wasn't there, and I presumed he was already downstairs. I opened the door, walking out into the hall, and sure enough, the pianos tuneful notes drifted into my ears. I really wanted to go down and see him, but knew Alice would be waiting for me. So I quickened my step down the hall, before knocking on the door. I soft 'come in' sounded, and I opened the door.

Alice was setting up her make-up station after already doing her own, and Jasper was lying down on her bed, with his arms behind his head fully relaxed. He was completely the opposite to his girlfriend, who was running around frantic. But that's probably why they complimented each other so well.

Jasper sat up, before smiling at me. "Well, that's my cue to go. I'll see you both downstairs."

"Oh, don't go on my account…" I replied. I didn't want to be rude.

He laughed. "No, seriously. I want to go. Have you not been around when she gets going? Trust me; it'll be safer outside of this room." This earned him a hard whack from Alice, who then turned towards me, smiling. She always loved to play Bella Barbie.

"Bel-la!' She sang my way, beckoning me forward. 'Come sit down. Jasper, I love you but… get lost."

Jasper chuckled and then went to exit, leaving a miss behind on Alice's cheek. He turned back around before going out the door, and smiled at me. "Oh, before I forget to mention it. You look stunning Bella."

I feel my blush radiate my cheek, and my head ducks on its own accord. I mutter a thank you, and hear the door close. Then Alice proceeds to get to work, pulling and tugging at my hair with pleasure. It seems each time I moan in agony, it spurs her on to do it more, so I try and stay quiet and still for the most part. It's easier for both of us that way. She's more delicate when working with skin, but she still manages to make me look beautiful. This girl ahs talent.

At last she is finished, giving us half an hour to get to the town hall, which is only fifteen minutes away. She spins me around on her chair, giving me another once over and finishes with a wink, telling me she thinks I look good. I smirk, before winking back. Our silent conversations always make me giggle. Then we grab our bags, and I grab my black cardigan, before leaving her room and walking downstairs. We find our men waiting for us at the bottom, both with awed expressions and welcoming arms. Edward kisses my cheek and then we leave the house, getting into the car and driving into the night.

-----

When we got there, Rose came running up to us. She looked stunning, in a floaty purple dress, which accentuated her curves given to her by all her dancing. Her feet were adorned with ballet shoes, but it did nothing to her outfits. She looked sexy, but also cute. But in her eyes was fear. Fear of the show not being accepted, and it wasn't going away.

People were flooding into their seats on the grass outside. Due to so many people arriving, they had had to change the location to outside premises to fit everyone in. The place was buzzing with music, laughter and chatting. Everyone seemed to be smiling, except from Rose, who was so nervous. I held her hand, squeezing it as she led us to our special seats. Friends of Rose got priority.

She let us get settled, before turning to run off and make sure her dancers were ready. In the rare moments of silence you could hear the odd girlish giggle, or scream. It was clear Rose had got herself, and her dancers, worked up about tonight. And there was a reason for that, especially with the 2000 plus people surrounding us.

Just as she was about to push herself back into the crowds and around the back to where her dancers were waiting, I stood up, grabbing her wrist and turning her around. She looked alarmed at first, but then settled once she saw me. I put it all down to the nerves swimming around inside of her.

I pulled her into me, pressing a kiss into her hair, before pulling back and looking her right in the eye. "Listen, Rose. We all love you, and they will all love you after this. You've put so much effort into this show, it can only be brilliant. So stop worrying, and enjoy your moment."

She sighed, shaking out her arms, and her smile finally returned to its rightful place. She seemed relieved. "Thank you, Bella. You are a truly great friend.' She looked off to where her dancers were standing, then turned back to me. 'I guess I'd better share some of your words of wisdom to the others. Love you, Bella."

I giggled, letting go of her hand. "Love you too Rose."

She ran off, her ballet shows turning green on the fronts from the grass. It wasn't perfect flooring to be dancing on, but Rose has mentioned that their rehearsals had gone excellently. I just hoped it would be the same on the night.

I walked back and plopped myself back down on my seat, squeezed in between Alice and Edward. Edward kissed my cheek, taking one of my hands into his and held it there. "What was that about?"

I smiled, looking over to where Rose was standing. Her students were neatly circled around her, all listening intently to what she was saying. Some were mid stretch, others were wringing their hands nervously. "Just a little pep talk. She doesn't need to be nervous. Her dancers will be amazing."

Her brought my hand up to his lips, kissing my wrist, before settling our hands back into his lap. For a few moments, we heard organisers shout that it was time for people to be seated, and sure enough, everyone slipped into their seats, the chatter slowing and fading. The bright lights which were situated evenly along the grassy area, suddenly dimmed like we were in a real theatre. And then, just like an angel, Rose walked onto the stage, all eyes on her.

She stood at the microphone, the picture of confidence and beauty. "Welcome to Hale's Dance Academy's first ever show. It' is a pleasure to welcome you all here, on this beautiful October evening. Before the dancing commences, I would just like to say a few words.' She prepared herself mentally, and then began again. 'This show has taken a lot of time and effort to come together, from both the dancers who will perform for you tonight and I as the choreographer and teacher. They say anyone can dance, but it takes skill and determination to make a dance look spectacular. All my dancers are amazingly talented, and they have shown so much potential over the last month. For us to be able to put on a show, is both daunting and thrilling. I hope you will see tonight everything we have put into this.' She smiled, gathering up her small number of notes. 'So, without further ado, please let me welcome our dancers to the stage."

Rose exited to the left, while most of the dancers came onto the stage. Their costumes were brightly coloured and inventive. They got into position, with their heads held high and their bodies ready to work. Then the music began and all carefully choreographed hell went loose. Bodies flew gracefully everywhere, and trying to watch one person at once was impossible. I was astounded, as was everyone else at how sharp their movements were, and how perfectly timed everything seemed to be. I felt proud to call Rosalie my friend. It was clear she had worked tirelessly on this project, and I knew she would be pleased. How could she not be, when everything seemed wonderful?

The dancing continued well into the night, with different dancers coming in at different times. There was different types of dancing, from ballet to hip hop and salsa. It seemed that Rose knew a thing about dancing, and I began to wonder how on earth she managed to learn all these. I was mesmerised by everything, and the gasps around me showed that everyone was. Even Britney Spears, sitting quietly in the corner, surrounded by her bodyguards, let out a shaky gasp. See? Many people had turned up for this event, and it had been well worth it.

The night flew by, and before I knew it, the dancing had ended. The final piece included every dancer, the grassy area filled with colour. As the music began to fade, and the dancers did their final move, everyone waited on baited breath for more. Only to get none. But that didn't stop the cheering that commenced. And Rose deserved every little piece of it.

She stepped back onto the stage, blushing from the magnitude of praise she was receiving. She gestured many times to the dancers and other workers around her, thanking them for all their help and work. And then after ten minutes of clapping, people quietened down, and sat back down.

Rose turned to the audience with tears shining in her eyes. Yet when she spoke, she managed to keep her voice controlled. "Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you so much. For coming tonight, and for showing your support for our dance academy. It has taken a long time for me to get here, and finally teach dancing like I've always wanted, but now it's here, and that means I have to thank some people.' Her eyes turned to us, and I felt my smile spread. 'The four people sitting right down there, are the most supportive friends I could ever wish for. Jasper, Alice, Bella and Edward, you guys are amazing, and I love you all so much. Without you guys, and especially you Alice, this definitely wouldn't have happened. So thank you.'

The rounds of applause began again, and Alice took this opportunity to rise off her seat, throw her hands in the air and shout 'I love you Rose!' incredibly loudly, making chuckles erupt from all over the seating area. She sat down, and then Rosalie's finished off.

"But most of all, I want to thank everyone standing on this stage with me. You are the people that make this count. You are the people who put up with my moods while I'm teaching you. And you are the people who have the talent, which you've showed to well tonight. So thank you once again.' Another round of applause followed, then quietened. 'And now, all that's left to saw is, another thank you to you all for coming along, and sharing you spare time with us. We hope you've enjoyed it, and now, if you head inside, depending on how fast you get there, you might grab some nibbles."

Laughter was roused, and the many hungry viewers ran off into the town hall, ready to grab food. Us four stayed back slightly, before Jasper exclaimed about how hungry he was, and Alice followed him to the hall. Edward hung around with me, as we were hoping to catch Rose. The dancers had already left, complaining of sore feet and blisters, but many couldn't keep the smiles off their faces as to how well they had done. They were still on their dancing high.

Edward's arms wrapped around me securely, his lips planting kisses on my neck. I sighed in contentment. His voice entered my ear. "So, how did you find the show?"

I smiled. "It was amazing, wasn't it? I just don't know how they can move like that! I'd surely break bones going into some of those positions. But… I nearly break bones most days so it's not that hard."

Edward chuckled. "That's true. You are a klutz, Ms Swan."

I whacked his arm, which had travelled around my waist. He kissed my cheek in apology. "I was only joking. You know I'd never let you break away bones. I always catch you, don't I?"

I nod. "You do. But no doubt there'll be some point when you won't be there, and I will fall…"

"Never. What else would I be doing?" He shook his head.

"I dunno. The bathroom?" I replied, before realising how weird and childish that sounded.

He laughed, loudly. "Well, there is that."

We fell into silence again, the wind whipping round us. The are outside was now completely empty except for us, and the few cars dotted around the area. It seemed so lifeless now, when the area had been so filled with joy just moments before. I looked around, searching for a glimpse of the friend we were so proud of. But there was nothing, no-one.

I wrapped my cardigan around my further, feeling worried now. Where could she have gone? We had seen her just ten minutes ago, before they all flitted off stage. She couldn't have gone far. Behind me, Edward sighed, probably getting tired. Meanwhile, there was warmth in the hall and a seat for him. I turned around, smiling at him. "Um, why don't you go inside and seek out Jasper and Alice. Get a bite to eat and drink or something, and I'll join you with Rose as soon as I've found her."

He looked around, eyeing the area. "I don't want to leave you alone…"

I rolled my eyes. "Shush. Nothing will happen to me. I'll be in that hall, with you, before you know it."

He looked around once more, before leaning in a kissing me chastely on the mouth. He pulled back, letting our entwined hands fall, before he walked away from me, going into the distance and stepping into the hall, the music and chatter dragging him inside.

I turned back around, and headed in the direction Rose and her dancers had gone in when they had left the stage. Night was falling steadily now, and the area was much quieter than before. I wrapped my arms around myself, and made myself walk that little bit quicker.

After a few minutes, I heard a small cough from my right, and turned to see Rosalie sitting on the step, her fingers playing with her ballet shoe straps. Her head looked down, her eyes to the ground with her hair falling around her face, curtaining her from the world. She looked so vulnerable right now.

I silently moved closer, and then made out the small whimpers, which alerted me to her crying. Her shoulders hook gently, and the stone steps she stood on had small tear marks staining them. I sighed, "Oh, Rose." fell from my mouth as my feet moved faster and gathered her broken body to mine.

She shook harder as her pain came down again. I simply held her until she had gathered herself. She moved slightly away from me, but not completely. She sniffed, wiping her nose with her arm. She looked up at me after a moment, grateful. "Sorry about that. I didn't want anyone to see me, but I guess you found me anyway.' She hiccupped. 'I love Alice dearly, but I'm glad it was you, not her, who came across me. I'd probably still be crying, with her getting tearful too right now, if it had been her."

I laughed, rubbing Rose's back. "Yeah. Alice is lovely, but she gets emotional very easily."

Rose nodded, before sniffing again. I buried into my clutch bag, bringing out a small bag of tissues, and placed one in her shaking hand. She smiled once more. "Thanks."

She blew her nose, before tears leaked from her eyes again. I pulled her closer once more. "Rose, what's wrong?"

She lifted her head, the tears still strolling down her cheeks, and I realised that this girl was talented; she could even make crying look beautiful. She looked off, almost dazed, into the distance. "I guess… tonight… I realised, how---how alone I am."

I wiped one of her tears from her face. "You're never alone. You have all of us."

She nodded vigorously. "Oh, I know. And I'm so grateful to be able to call you four my friends. You are more than I ever thought I'd have. But what I meant was… I don't have my other half, while you and Alice both have yours."

Suddenly I realised what she was talking about, but kept quiet as she continued. "Jasper and Edward have walked into both your lives, and I'm still waiting for that person to walk into mine. I mean, jeez! Where is he?!' She laughed, sarcastically. 'And you know, I'd never really realised it until tonight."

Her hands moved out into the distance as she talked. "After the show, I looked out into that crowd, and I saw the pride shine out of your faces. It was an amazing feeling. But then… the more I looked… 'She dragged off, finding her words. 'Alice had Jasper with her tonight, and you had Edward with you. I can't help but want someone to have been here for me tonight. I mean, this may sound selfish, but it was my night. And I have you guys but… I don't have someone of my own to share it with. You can both go home tonight, and discuss it with your other halves. Me, I'm going home alone."

She turned to me now. "You want to know something? Or rather, I want to tell you something."

I nodded. "You can tell me anything."

She smiled. "I've never said this before to you, but I want to tell you now, how happy I am you've found Edward. That first time I met you, you weren't functioning properly. And I'm still amazing that it was Edward who had you broken, yet it's him who's woken you up again. You smile more, laugh more, and you just… have more, you know?' I nodded, and then she went on. 'After all you went through… when you were younger with your parents separation; with your fathers accident… you deserve to have found that special someone."

She looked away now, with the tears shining in her eyes once again. I rubbed her back, trying and wishing I could take some of the pain away. This was her big night; she didn't deserve to be thinking about this right now. She should be basking in a happy glow, not crying.

I stroked her hair, trying to comfort her. "You'll find someone Rose. Someone who'll love you completely, and who you'll love in return - I know it."

She was quiet for a few minutes, with the night sky becoming darker and the stars beginning to twinkle. The air began to get colder, and we both began to shiver. But we didn't move to get up and go into the warmth of the hall. I could sense our conversation hadn't finished.

True to my thoughts, she spoke again.

"I was in love once." was all she stated. It was clear, precise and to the point. But the tone in which she said it, made me think it came to a bitter end.

"I've only told one other person about him, and that's Alice. But I've got to know you, and I trust you Bella. Believe me, that's a feet in itself.' She looked down, her hands wrapping around the laces of her ballet shoes, and as she told her story, she began to untie them. 'His name was… James. I used to live in New York, you see. I was a dancer, and he worked as a cleaner at the studios. We went out a couple of times, and I foolishly fell for him. When I got to know him for real, he definitely wasn't the man I thought he was."

Once the laces were untied, she slipped them off and Bella saw the dancers marks on her feet. The redness, the sore spots, all for something she loved. She stretched her toes before speaking again. "Eventually he moved in with me. We hadn't talked about it, but he was just… there all the time. When I woke up, when I got home, he was there. It was never questioned. He was a cleaner, but also had… another job on the side. He dealt drugs, or something like that. Every wage he had went on them, every single penny. Then, when that had run out, he'd come to me, beg me for the money. I didn't have much myself, but I gave it to him; he held my heart, didn't he? I was so stupid.' She played with the laces of the shoes. 'And then there came the times when I couldn't pay him the money he wanted. I could hardly feed myself, let alone get his drugs. It was at those times that he would… abuse me."

Her body went frozen until my fingertips and I fought the urge to gasp. She hugged her body. 'Sometimes it was a simple beating, other times it would be sexual. Either way, I'd wake up knowing I had to get the money, and knowing that no matter how many times he did what he did, I'd still love him. Like I said, I was stupid. So I'd get him the money, find a way, and he'd leave me alone, and sometimes show me love. Those were my favourite moments. But after that… it all went down hill. I got more beatings, and I couldn't get the money. And that's when I ran to Forks."

She looked up at me, wanting to see my reaction. I felt void of any emotion, or tried to conceal what I felt as best I could. It was an upsetting story to tell, I was sure, and I didn't want to hurt hr further. "So you see, I can't trust easily, and now, loving someone, comes hard to me. But I need to be loved, if only to feel more worthwhile."

All I could do was hug her once more as the tears fell again, and tell her over and over again how worthwhile she really was.

-.-.-

Edward, Alice and Jasper sat at a table, near the door, waiting for Bella and Rose to arrive. It was nearing eleven o-clock, and Edward was getting nervous as to why they hadn't turned up yet.

Jasper laid his hand on Edward's shoulder. "I'm sure she'd fine. They're probably just chatting about the dance show or something."

Alice agreed. "Yeah. That'll be it. You know how chatty Bella can be when she gets excited."

Edward laughed, feeling slightly better as a wave of calmness hit him. He shot Jasper and thankful smile, but continued to stare at the door. He didn't think she'd take so long. He would have gone with her if he'd know he'd have to wait. And the night was becoming darker. Thoughts of Bella being hurt flashed in his brain, alerting him.

He groaned, sighing, and put his glass to the side. "Right. I can't wait any longer. I'm going to go and find them." He made to get up, half way to standing, until a large shooting pain hit him right in the chest, and he yelled with the pain. Alice and Jasper were up and at his sides in an instant, making him sit back down. Edward's eyes were squeezed shut, his hand clutching his chest, as the pain began to calm.

"Gosh, Edward, are you okay?!" Jasper's voice sounded panicky.

He nodded as the pain began to settle. He had no idea why that had happened, but put it down to the tiredness he was feeling. When he opened his eyes, he was met with Alice's fearful gaze.

She looked scared. "Edward…"

He shook his head. "Hush. It's nothing."

But the look in his sisters eyes told him that she wouldn't drop it. He pain was easing now, and he let his hand drop to hi lap, feeling that he was able to breathe again. He breathed in deeply, and with the help of Jasper, he stood up straight, just like normal.

He tested the walk, and he felt alright again. There was a twinge of pain here and there, but nothing serious. He smiled. "See? All better. It's just the old aches and pains."

The door opened and all three of them shot around to see Bella and Rose walk through the door. Bella had her arm around Rose's waist, and Rose was smiling, but her face told us she'd been crying. Alice rushed over to them, leaving Edward with a warning glance, and quickly asked Rose what was wrong. She shook the suggestion away, and preceded to walk towards their table, and sat down.

Many people came up through the rest of the night to congratulate Rosalie on her achievements and she took them with grace. Everyone was very proud of her. Whatever had been the matter was now forgotten, and neither Bella nor her mentioned it at all.

Just as they were about to leave, a tall man came towards their group. He was big and muscular, with short curly hair and baby blue eyes. His eyes twinkled as he greeted us, the most welcoming smile written over his face. He grasped Rose's hand and kissed it gently, before saying, "Good evening," to everyone else. We all greeted him back.

He smiled widely. "May I say how much me and my work colleagues enjoyed your show. It was absolutely astounding."

Rose smiled, ducking her head. "Thank you."

"It's just a shame we didn't see you yourself up there. You look like you would be an excellent dancer, and a beautiful one at that." It was clear this man was a flirter.

Rose cocked her head to the side. "I'm sorry, what's your name?"

"Sorry, how very rude of me. I'm Emmett McCarthy." He waved to everyone and they all laughed. Meanwhile, Rose tried to get more information out of him.

She gestured to the place. "And why are you here?"

Everything about this man was warm and friendly. "Other than see your dance troop perform? I am actually here on business. I came to check out this location as I hear there will be a choir show here sometime in December. I've been asked to come along this year."

Alice clapped her hands excitedly. "Oh, goody. Both Bella and I will be performing."

He smiled. "I look forward to it then."

After a few more minutes of conversation, we all parted ways, with Emmett returning to his table, Rose leaving for her home, and everyone else going back to the Cullen household. The drive back was filled quite quiet, with everyone thinking their own thoughts.

Once they were back at the house, Alice and Jasper trailed upstairs to have a shower and go to bed, while Bella and Edward went straight to bed, quickly stripping their cloths, and sliding under their sheets only in underwear. They were both too tired to change.

Edward wrapped his arms around Bella's warm body, pressing a kiss into her hair as she snuggled closer. "Did you have fun today?"

She nodded sleepily. "Yes. It was… interesting."

He guessed she was talking about Rosalie and whatever they had talked about, but didn't push the subject further. If it did come up in the future, he would hear it then.

"Hmmm. Alice and Rose go to fashion week on Friday…"

Bella nodded again.

"And Jasper is spending time with your father, after not seeing him in so long…"

Another nod, sleepy but still hearing.

"So I decided to take us off on holiday."

At this she responded, less sleepy. "A holiday!' She brightened, her face smiling now. 'That's great! But wait, I hope you aren't spending a lot of money on this…"

He pulled her closer. "I never get to spend money of you, so let me do this. Plus, it isn't just for you. It's for both of us."

She groaned but complied, before smiling and telling him he was really looking forward to it.

It seemed they were going to Isle Esme.

**A/N; An extra long chapter to make up for having you all wait so long. I'm sorry about not updating sooner, I just couldn't bring myself to right.**

**This was a big chapter, filled with things that will make this story grow. You finally heard a bit of Rose's background, while you experienced something with Edward and now you know what'll be happening next. The next few chapters I can guarantee fluff!**

**I was so happy with all the reviews I got last chapter, and wondered if we could get up to 180? If we could, I'll love you all forever. (:**

**-xlovestory (remember the new pen-name!)**

**ALSO! I have a oneshot coming out soon, called 'Goodbye Mr Cullen', so please add me to author alerts to see whan that comes out. sometime this week I think!**


	25. Twenty Four

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Twenty-Four.**

There wasn't enough words on this earth for me to explain to you how excited I was. Edward and I were going on holiday; we were leaving today to be exact. It might seem like quite a rash decision, to go off to another place with someone you've only been with for a few months, but I knew I had nothing to worry about. I'd move to another planet if Edward wanted me to! And I felt completely safe with him, which told me everything was going to be okay.

I had spent the last few days, after he'd asked me to go away with him, between both houses. Alice and I were working together: I was helping her pack for fashion week, and she in turn was helping me pack for going to… I don't actually know where we are going. Edward was being sneaky and keeping it a surprise. In any other circumstance, I would have tried to get it out of him, but that usually made his game all the more enjoyable. So, reluctantly I had settled with not knowing, and just enjoying the adventure ahead. God knows it was sure to be filled with surprises.

Part of me was a little nervous about this. I still had my doubts as to whether I was good enough for that glorious man, even though Edward stated it was silly. But I felt I looked inadequate by his side. I was plain, and he most definitely wasn't. This hadn't caused many problems up until now. We had both lived in Forks for a long time prior, and many of the people are saw us just as we were before. But now we were going somewhere new, somewhere were people didn't know us, and that often caused people to judge; something I didn't want to happen. But I pushed those worries to the back of my mind, telling myself not to dwell on them again.

I sighed, as I slung my hair off of my shoulders, taking my hands and placing them on the handles of my two suitcases. I would have been fine with only one, but Alice had other ideas. Jeez, we were only going for the weekend. I heaved them into my grasp, panting slightly at the large weight, and trailed them down the stairs of my house; a place I had neglected recently. I saw the Cullen's house as my home now. I left them standing upwards in the hall near the door, and rushed around the living room, making sure I had my passport, keys, purse, and generally everything I'd need. I always forget something, but hopefully it won't be important. Like the last time. When it was underwear…

I glanced around the room one last time, before turning and waving a silent goodbye to my home. Lifting the suitcases again, I hauled them outside, before turning around and locking the door. I dragged them over to my car and into the boot, smiling as the weight was lifted off my shoulders. Edward, hopefully, could carry them later. I slid into the drivers seat, and turned the ignition on, forcing the car forward and onto the road where my journey began. First stop was Charlie's; making sure he could live for the next few days. Then all I needed to do was drive to Edward's, say my goodbyes, and jet off with my loving boyfriend. I could feel the bliss on my fingertips.

The drive was short, quiet and peaceful. I honked the horn, alerting my father of my presence, before exiting the car and locking it behind me. The door was open, and I called when I entered. "Dad?"

"In the living room Bells!" He called back, and I rolled my eyes. Where else would he be? Heaven forbid the day I find him cooking.

I stroll in, with the feeling of returning home in my stride. I got the same feeling every time I stepped into my childhood home. It felt nice to be back, and I can imagine my teenage self rushing here and there like I always did, in my own unique and clumsy way. I had missed this house when I had moved out for college, so it always felt nice to be back. I'd never pictured Phoenix as my home. Apart from my mother, there was nothing much there for me. And now she wasn't there either - I had no clue as to where she had gone with her new husband Phil - so Phoenix meant absolutely nothing.

I found my father sitting in his usual chair, with the football lighting up the television. I went over, kissed his forehead, before taking a seat beside him. He turned to me. "Where's your suitcase?"

"You mean 'suitcases'. I left them in the car."

His eyebrows creased. "Suitcases? Plural?"

I nodded, "Plural.' I shrugged, rolling my eyes. 'Alice seemed to think it was necessary that I brought enough clothes to cloth the entire population of Isle Esme."

He chuckled. "That girl; she's a handful, but I have a soft spot for her."

"I know; she loves you too." I smile, thinking back to the day they had met each other. It had been a few weeks ago, and they had hit it off instantly. With his guarded manner and her bubbly nature, they made a great team. Charlie had gone on and one about her for days afterwards. And Jasper couldn't be more pleased. He thought of Charlie as his father.

I took a quick look at my watch, before deciding I really should be heading to the Cullens. I stood up, gathering all the little bits and pieces of rubbish my father seemed to accumulate. Placing them in the bin, I called back through, "Dad? Do you have food?"

He grunted back, evidently more interested in the game. "Yeah."

I nodded to myself. "Alright. Jasper will keep you stocked up anyway." Jasper had been kind enough to offer to stay with my father over this weekend. With all of us away, he was left on his own, and decided to use the opportunity to visit my father again. Ever since the accident I was uneasy about letting him be alone. I wouldn't have to stress if I knew Jasper was looking after him.

A few minutes later I had left my childhood home, leaving my father content as always with the television being his friend. I slotted myself back into my car, finding myself a little more excited for our holiday than I already was; I was almost half way there. My hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, and soon enough we were heading in the right direction. I passed straight through town, along the road on which the town hall was situated. I tried not to think about the town hall much nowadays. I had found out so much about Rosalie's past, an to be honest it haunted me. It made me feel sick; how could someone do that to the person they supposedly 'loved'? But it had brought me closer to Rosalie now, ad that was a good thing.

I was soon on the outside of town, just a few streets away from the Cullen residence. It only took a matter of seconds to get there, and before I knew it, I was parking in their driveway, where the car would stay for the next couple of days. Just as I had turned off the ignition, the car door burst open, and I jumped. "Edward! You scared me!" I wined, my heart beating erratically. I was still deciding whether it was his presence or his unexpected entrance that made my heart beat fast.

However, I had no time to think about that, as Edward's hands secured around my now unbuckled waist, lifting me easily and safely from my car. My legs wrapped around his waist, with my hands secured around his neck, and his pushed me against the car. His forehead leant onto mine. "I'm sorry, my love. I didn't mean to startle you. I'm just so excited; I couldn't wait to see you any longer."

The twinkle of happiness and excitement in his eyes made me fall in love with him over again. I'm learning so much about Edward, and he has many sides. He has his loving side, then his protective side, then his mischievous side, and so many sides in between. I could safely say I loved them all.

I pressed my lips to his, before pulling back and grinning. "We're going on hol-i-day!" I sang, letting my excitement shine through. He answered me with a smile, looking like a cat who'd got the cream. Then I peered at him. "And you assured me it is an inexpensive holiday, right?"

He nodded. "Yep. It's all taken care of."

I sighed, moving the locks of hair that were crowding his face. "Edward… you didn't answer my question." I groaned, knowing in the back of my mind that I probably wouldn't win this little argument.

He chuckled, nuzzling his face into my neck, making my breathing pick up and all thoughts about the money issues of the holiday were momentarily forgotten. He kissed my nose sweetly, before putting me down from my hold, and grabbing my hand. "Come on; Alice, Rose and Jasper are waiting inside."

I let him lead me into the house, and sure enough Alice and Rose were in the corner, surrounded my suitcases, whispering excitedly like school-girls about their trip. They waved in acknowledgement to my appearance, apparently too engrossed in their own conversation to pay attention to me. It didn't bother me; I actually made me smile. I was happy I'd been able to give them something they'd really enjoy. Alice was the hardest person to buy for. She seemed to have everything.

Jasper was sitting in the corner, flicking through a magazine. He smiled when he saw us approach, and stood up to hug me. I leant into his embrace, relishing the feeling. There was something so nice about hugging your best friend. It always made me feel… whole.

"Jas, thank you again for agreeing to stay with my father. I'm a worry-wart. But it's just… after the accident a few months ago… I just, don't like leaving him."

He shrugged. "Not a problem. I had to keep up my side of the deal, remember?' I looked at him oddly, prompting him to explain. 'I have some football to watch with him.' Ah, it became clear now. 'So it doesn't both me in the slightest. Besides, your father and I are friends."

I smiled. "I know; I just wanted to make sure you knew it was appreciated."

He patted my head; something he did from time to time to remind me I'm younger than him. It used to annoy me when I was younger, but now I see it as the loving gesture it's supposed to be. He nodded, "I do know." He smiled, before Alice beckoned him over to her side.

I turned around to find Edward behind me, staring down at me with intense eyes. The bright green shone with a brightness that took my breath away. They were stunning; I could look at them for days on end, and never get tired. They tell me the things he cannot speak.

I leant into his form, with his eyes still glued on mine, and pushed a hand through his unruly bronze mop. I loved his hair. His shoulders, which had been tensed, seemed to relax a little, and he leant down to press his lips onto my forehead. "What were you thinking about?"

He smirked, pulling me closer. "About all the things we'll do on Isle Esme. About how I can't wait to see you on the sand - I think you'll look beautiful in a beach scene.' I laughed at that. Of all the things he could think about… 'And I also can't wait to get you alone." His voice was husky and full of emotion. He held me in a trap, and he knew it.

"Come on, Love Birds!' Alice's voice broke through our intense moment. We turned away, now focussing our gazes on the small, hyper pixie in front of us. 'We have to leave now, and so do you if you want to catch that plane."

We nodded, before exiting the house. Jasper and Edward took Alice and Rose's suitcases, dragging them along with ease. It made me frown as I thought about the trouble it took me to do that this morning. Yet another thing that Edward could do. I swear that list is endless.

Edward wrapped his arms around me from behind, and I leant into his chest. "Is your suitcase in the boot of your car."

I nodded. "Both suitcases are." I reached into my bag and produced my keys, throwing them at Edward's awaiting hands as he was going to remove the suitcases and put them in his car.

He eyed me. "Two suitcases? What would you need two for?"

I shrugged. "Tell that to your demented sister."

"I heard that Bella!" Alice's voice screeched. To anyone else it might have sounded like that comment hurt her, but we both knew she was joking. I really did value our strange but unbreakable friendship.

I watched as Edward took my suitcases and put them into his car. I smiled; I couldn't wait for this holiday to begin.

-.-.-

Alice looked at Jasper as he placed both her and Rose's suitcases into Rose's car. She was very excited about the trip, and almost couldn't contain it. Rosalie was at her side, going from foot to foot, and Alice could tell she felt the exact same. In some ways, she was disappointed; she didn't really want to leave Jasper, especially when Bella and Edward would be away too. But, he was going to stay with Bella's father - a delightful man - and the trip to Fashion Week was one that couldn't be missed. The time that she'd gone before had been excellent, but she had been on her own. This time would be even better, with Rose by her side.

A few minutes later, all the suitcases had been moved, the cars were ready and all that was left was to say goodbye. They didn't get tearful, for they all knew they would see each other in a few days. After Rosalie had hugged everyone, she went to wait in her car, giving the couples time together.

Alice squeezed Bella tightly, before kissing her cheek. "Bella, I can't thank you enough for the tickets. Rosalie and I are so grateful. I feel as if I'll be befriending her again, you know. Me and Rose, we can get to know each other even better."

Bella smiled as she looked a her short friend, who had the biggest heart imaginable. She nodded. "That's exactly what I wanted. Ever since I came into the group, I feel as if I've taken up your and Rose's own time together. I want this trip to be special for you both. And of course, for you to have yet another bit of your birthday. So, you're very welcome."

Alice grinned. "It's going to be so much fun!"

Bella let go, so Alice could move on to her brother. "Make sure you do!"

Alice turned around to see her brother, with his hands in his pockets, looking like the teenage brother he once was. That's what Bella was doing to him; he was learning to live again. She smiled at him, and he smirked; they'd never really been ones for big displays of sibling affection, well… Edward certainly wasn't. But he opened his arms wide, gesturing for her to come to him, and that surprised her. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he laid his head on top of hers. They stayed like that for a second, before Alice pulled back. She eyed Bella, who was talking and laughing with Jasper, and then chose her moment to speak.

She looked at him meaningfully. "I know you haven't mentioned the pains you've been having to Bella, so I won't say this in front of her.' He looked down, shuffling his feet. She lifted his face up determinedly. 'But I will say something. I need to know that you are feeling okay. You have no idea how much I'll worry if you are in pain while you are away…"

He shook his head, then looked at her and chuckled. "You worry far too much. I'm fighting fit. Really,' He turned more serious. 'I haven't been in pain for a few days, ever since the day of the show. So go and enjoy yourself, or I'll tickle you silly when you get back!"

She smirked, the glint in her eye returning. "Okay. I just… I hate seeing you that way. It was exactly like… you know… and that time was hard for us… seeing you, like that …"

He nodded, hugging her once more. "But I'm fine. Come on, say your last goodbye, and then hit the road. The plane won't wait for you."

She nodded, before stepping away and going over to Jasper, who pulled her into his arms and left her reeling with one of his kisses. He grinned. "Go and enjoy yourself."

She smiled, kissing his cheek. "I will, but I'll miss you too."

"I'll miss you too." He brought her hand to his mouth, leaving a last kiss on her palm, before watching her walk to Rose's car and getting settled inside, with one last smile sent his way. He turned to his other side, watching as both Bella and Edward took to the road, slightly ahead of Alice and Rose. He'd miss them all very much, but they'd be fine without him for a couple of days.

And with that, he began the walk to Charlie's house.

----

Edward watched as she leant her head against the window of the car, her hair moving slightly with the wind from the other side of the car's open window. The sun shone down on them, reminding them that sun in Forks was a rare treat, and that this was the last chance they'd see it, with Winter creeping closer. The car drove smoothly along the slightly winding roads leading to the airport. He left one hand on the wheel, with the other moving over to Bella, to stroke her cheek absentmindedly.

She smiled, kissing his fingers lightly. "Not that I mind you doing that, but I'd prefer that you hands stayed on the wheel, and if that's not possible, then definitely your eyes."

He chuckled. "As you wish, my love.' He dropped his hands onto her lap, searching out one of her hands and entwining it with his own. 'But I'm afraid I miss your touch already, so my eyes must do all the work."

Her beautiful laugh sounded around them, and he felt his heart beat a little faster at the sound. He'd never tire of it; he lived for it. She turned her gaze from the window to his. "I suppose that'll have to do."

He turned his eyes to look down at the road in front of them. The woods on both sides partly blocked the glorious sunlight. As they got nearer the edge of forest, the trees began to spread, leaving strobes of light, reminding him of the dance floor used for Rose's show. Eventually the endless stream of trees ended, and the road ahead was clear. In the distance he could see few stores and houses, which meant they were getting nearer the airport. The could almost hear the planes in the distance.

Bella turned to him, his hands still placed in her lap, wrapped tightly with her own. "So, are you going to tell me what Isle Esme is like?"

He chuckled; his love was always curious. "No. There's no way really to describe it. The beauty… you'll understand when we get there. You'll love it. I promise."

She nodded. "Cool. I can't wait. But, since you're not telling me what it looks like, can you tell me what's there? I might want to bring back presents. Especially for Charlie."

He turned to her, love shining clearly in his eyes. The love she showed for Charlie was really something. It was a different type of love to the type they shared, of course. But it was still just a strong. He wished he'd been able to be like that with his father, into the later years of his fathers life, like Bella was doing with hers. But sadly, that was never to be.

He nodded. "Sure. There's quite a lot of places. It's not really a large island, but there is too sides. One part is full of woodland, and parks, with hardly any shops. The other is the city kind of side. Lots of shops and cafes. Then there's the beach… It's a lovely place. And where we're staying, is right in the centre. A large house, just on the outskirts of the town. Beside and beach and the woods."

She turned towards him more in her seat, and from the corner of his eye he could see the airport approaching. She reached over, moving his mop of hair out of his eyes, before cupping his cheek, leaning over and kissing it. "It sounds like this place means a lot to you."

He nodded, keeping his eyes on the road, and the approaching airport car park. "It does."

A few seconds later, their car was pulled into a slot, and they stepped outside into the warm air. Edward grabbed their suitcases from the car, carrying two while Bella insisted on at least having one. They grabbed a trolley at the entrance, putting their luggage on it, and then held hands quietly while they went to check in.

It wasn't long before they were about to board the place. A worker came up to them, smiling brightly in her uniform, and told them they were to follow her. Edward glanced over at Bella's confused expression; she was used to travelling with other people. But, Edward being Edward, wanted this to be special. After all, she'd never had agreed to come if he'd told her about the private jet.

They were led out of the airport, put into a car, and a few minutes later they were in front of the hired private jet. It stood looking proud, outdoing all the other surrounding aircrafts. Bella gasped when she stepped out and saw it.

It took her a few moments to realise. Then she smacked Edward's arm, earning him a wince. "Edward! I told you not to spend money!' She looked at it again, calming down slightly. 'Are we… flying in that."

Edward thought it was now safe to wrap his arms around her, and was relieved when she relaxed into his form. He kissed her temple. "Yes, that's what we'll be flying in. I hope you aren't mad. I wanted this to be special."

She turned in his arms, while the plane behind them began to make sounds. "You don't need to fly me out in a private jet to make it special. Just being with you, anywhere, is special enough."

He words warmed his heart. "I know, love. But you deserve the best. And if that means a private jet, then so be it."

They were led onto the plane, buckled up, and soon they were taking off. Edward held her hand while they took off, Bella's eyes trained with wonder on the clouds as they went through them. Her face lit up, and she smiled widely. "This is my favourite part."

He smiled; it was the little things he got to know about her that he loved best.

-.-.-

It was a few hours before we reached Isle Esme. Once Edward and I had landed in the private jet (which I still wasn't thinking about the cost) we were shown to a car, which led us to a port. It appeared that because of being so small, we couldn't fly all the way there. But I didn't mind; I loved boats. So we boarded, and that's how we got to this stage.

I looked off into the distance, Edward talking to the sailor behind me in hushed tones. It was coming to nightfall, and the stars were twinkling. It was an amazing sight. Due to all the pollution in cities, it was hard to see the stars. But out here, you could see them clearly. And they shone brighter than words can describe. We were honing in on Isle Esme now, and as the light slowly faded, I saw the island that Edward cared to much about. Even from the little amount I saw, I could see the beauty it held. It truly looked magical, with the woodland and the soft sands of the beach.

Edward's arms wrapped around me. "Welcome to Isle Esme." He whispered in my ear, making me shiver with delight. His voice always did that.

After we got off the boat, a car was waiting to take us to our home. Edward had told me it was a house, and I'd presumed it was rented, or a hotel. But after seeing the private jet, and the private boat, I don't think I'd be surprised if he told me he'd bought it just was the occasion. I felt privileged to have all this treatment, but you could go too far.

We went through the woodland area, down the twisty roads, and the entire place looked gorgeous as twilight came around them. Soon we were on a straight gravel path, and I readied myself to see where we would be staying. I hadn't prepared myself for such a beautiful house.

"Edward…" I whispered in awe as the approaching house.

All I heard was his chuckle, but he sent no reply. No words were needed. From the dimming light I saw that it was made of light stone, with a small balcony at the top of the house. Around three floors I presumed from the outside, and the windows seemed to have some sort of pattern decorating them. I couldn't wait to see it in the daylight.

Our suitcases were taken out of the car, and as I took mine, I couldn't help but stare at the house. Edward, grasped my other hand. "Shall we see it from the inside?"

I blushed at my obvious ogling (which I usually only did at his chest) and he led my inside. He dug through his jean pocket, taking out the keys and unlocking the door. This surprised me; I would have thought he'd have to get them from the owner. It suddenly stuck me that I might not be that far off when I said he bought the place.

Although there was no light, it seemed even more lovely from the inside. The hallway was completely marble, with a winding stair case. We dropped our luggage in the hall, with the driver who'd helped us leaving, wishing us a pleasant stay. I was about to go up the staircase when Edward grabbed my wrist.

"Come, rest a little in the living room. I can give you a proper tour in the morning; It's getting late."

I smiled in reply as he led me by the hand into the living room, and placed me on the couch. He flicked the light on, making the room come out to my eyes, and the furnishings in this room beat all other furnishings. It was beautiful.

He offered me a glass of wine, which I took gratefully. He sat behind me, and I curled into my usual spot at his chest. He took a sip, before sighing in contentment. "Ah. My father always did love this wine when we came here."

Now I was really confused. Did he own the place? Did his after give it to him? Or did they simply rent it on family holidays? It suddenly reminded me of how little I knew of his past. So mow, I wanted answers.

I turned to look at him. "Edward? Do you own this place?"

He hesitated, before nodding. "Yes."

I stared at him, quite bewildered. "How?"

"Does it matter?" He seemed distant.

I touched his cheek. "Yes. I want to know all about you."

For a few minutes I just watched him as he gathered himself. Then he placed his cup on the floor, settled himself comfortably, and looked at me with pure eyes.

"Alright then."

And then he began to tell me his story.

**A/N; Slight delay on this chapter. I think I'll only be able to update every ten days, but thank you for waiting so patiently. I'm really looking forward to writing the next chapter, and letting you all know about Edward's childhood and past. I'm also going to write a chapter about Rose and Alice's fashion show experience with a little bit of Jasper and Charlie.**

**Thanks for reading! Please review!**


	26. Twenty Five

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Twenty-Five.**

"Alright then."

I waited with baited breath as he gathered himself to tell me his story; the story I cared to hear so much about. It was important to me to get to know all of this marvellous man, and so far I only knew the basics. He was Edward Cullen, who had a sister called Alice, worked part-time as a piano teacher who'd had success in the music business a few years back. He was serious, but playful, and had many morals. But most of all, he cared for me, and I cared for him. The one things I knew better than anything was that he held my heart; it belonged to him, he owned it.

I knew almost nothing about him, and who he was before he met me. He could have lived in many places, met many people and discovered many things. And you see, I wanted to know about everything he's seen, heard and every place he'd been to. Maybe, after this, I'd feel a little closer to him than I already did. After all, he knew all about my past. Shouldn't I know the same about him?

I watched quietly as he looked around the room, eyeing different spots. Then his eyes fell to mine, and he knew it was time to tell all. He opened his mouth, and his story flowed out.

"I was born in New York to Edward and Elizabeth Cullen. They were both well known in society, having wealthy families. My father's family - the Cullens - were practiced in medicine. My father, my grandfather, and many Cullen men before them worked in that field. If I had gone into that sort of work, the Cullens would have been involved in medicine for over 200 years.' He paused for a second, and a little bit of regret flashed through his eyes. Did he feel guilty for not continuing in the medical field of work? Did he feel like he'd disappointed his father? I wasn't sure, but soon enough he began again. 'Then there was my mother, who's maiden name was Green. They worked in the fashion line, known around the world for their designs. My grandmother was a great dress maker, as was my mother, and they both worked for the family business, which grew and grew. Needless to say, that's where my sisters love of clothes comes from."

I giggled, enraptured with his story and the emotions he felt while telling his story were flying everywhere. I could feel the happiness, the bitterness, the pain - everything.

He sighed, letting his fingers trail away and begin to play with strands of my hair. "As I already said, my father worked in medicine. His father before him had worked specifically with cancer of the heart, but unfortunately dementia had claimed him before he was able to find anything like a cure. All the research had been handed over to my father, and I remember as a child finding him locked in his study, my grandfather's papers scattered everywhere as he tried to make sense of them.' He shook his head, off in his own world. 'My father was a very clever man, but my grandfather's notes made no sense to him. It was likely that most of the things he had written down made no logical sense. We weren't sure when the dementia had caught hold, you see. But my father felt he owed my grandfather. He'd saw over and over again 'I have to do something; I have to carry this on for him!'. So, eventually he did. He opened the first hospital specifically for heart illnesses."

The way he spoke about his father was so strong and meaningful, that I knew without him saying so that his father had made a great impression on him. It was clear that the late Edward Cullen had been strong willed and determined; I could see those traits more clearly in my Edward now, in the way he wouldn't back down, in the way he would persevere. Like father, like son, as they say.

"To say that it was a success would be an understatement. The Cullen name became even more renowned. He worked long and hard, working with the patients and other doctors to try and help these people. By this time I was around six, and Alice was two. We'd wave him goodbye over breakfast, and watch him stroll in after a hard days work at bedtime. He was a prominent figure in our childhood, even if the time we spent with him was limited. He meant a lot to us. And of course, he meant a lot to our mother. She loved him very much, and stood by his side throughout everything. The bad days, the good days, she was always there for him. I don't think he'd have got so far without her. She was very creative, you see.' A smile sprang onto his features, and his eyes lit up at the sudden memory. 'She used to do the strangest but most wonderful things. Looking back now, it seemed stupid, but at the time it was great. Every morning, she'd pack our lunches. We'd have the normal sandwiches and pieces of fruit but my mother was never one to do things normally. She would cut off the top of the apple, drill out the inside, and fill it with gooey melted chocolate, before placing the top back on. Of course, it would be solid before break time, but Alice and I would lick and lick until there was no chocolate left. That's yet another thing that Alice got from our mother; her craziness. My mother would never do things the 'correct way'. She'd spice it up a little - that's how she got so far in fashion, I suppose. She had a different way of thinking than others, and that went well with my father. Sometimes you have to think outside the box, instead of flicking through textbooks, to find the answer. They worked as a team. And they were a great team."

His fingers continued to thread through my hair, and he seemed to look out into the distance as he spoke. But I was fine, sitting here with the warm fire crackling to my side, snuggled into Edward's chest. Hearing his story was very enjoyable. I could feel myself getting closer to him already.

"My father did very well for himself, as you can imagine, like most doctors do. But sometimes he needed to get away from it all. He needed to live for himself, not just for his job. Sometimes he'd just open the door and walk, not caring where he'd end up. But other times, he'd want to actually go somewhere; somewhere secluded and alone. Somewhere he could just… be. And that's when he discovered Isle Esme. I have no idea how he found the place, but find it he did. And just like almost everyone who comes here, he fell in love with it. He came here himself first, then he brought my mother, leaving Alice and I at home with relatives. They stayed for a few weeks, and I've been told that my mother didn't want to come back home. She just wanted to stay there forever. So what did my father do? He bought this house - the biggest house on this island - just for my mother, to make her happy. He was willing to do anything for her."

He shifted around for a second, before beginning again. It seemed to me that he'd relaxed a little now, and we slightly glad to be telling me this. He continued. "Once they had returned, Alice and I were swept away to the island to visit it with them. The more I think about it, I realise I spent quite a lot of my childhood on this island, playing on the sands, climbing the trees, and having my sister run around with me, often moaning about the possibility of breaking a heel. I loved it here, still do, and I love this house. It holds so many memories of happy times we had here. I want to remember the happier times, rather than the sadder times that came afterwards."

He became silent, and my head which had been resting lightly on his chest raised at the sudden quiet. I watched him look down at me with sorrow filled eyes, and saw tears currently unshed begin to gather. I moved upwards and closer to him, cupping his cheek gently, before kissing him softly, wanting to take whatever pain he was going through away.

"Edward, you don't have to tell me the rest, if this is too hard for you. I'm just happy you've shared a little bit. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed you into telling me…"

He shook his head. "No, it's fine. Let me keep going."

I nodded, rather eager to know more about him, as long as it didn't put him through too much. It was hard going over what had happened in the past; I knew only too well. The past is something you want to lock away, never have to think about, and never have to talk about. When asked, you feel a burning in your heart. I didn't want that for him. But if he was willing to tell me, I wasn't going to refrain from listening.

I laid my head back on his chest, feeling that me not looking directly at him was helping. It meant that he thought he was speaking it to himself rather than to someone else, and sometimes it was easier that way. I nestled back into my little place, and waited for him to return to his story.

"We would come back here almost every winter, and sometimes in summer. My Dad, later in his career, couldn't do as much. He began to tire, and needed to rest more and more. It didn't worry any of us, you know. We just thought it was his system telling him to slow down. He'd done so much during his life, being always on the go; he really did need to stop an breathe. So when I would return from high school to find my father resting in bed, rather than working furiously in his office, or still at the hospital, I thought nothing on it. It only clicked with me and Alice that something was happening when we found our mother crying. She began to lose herself. She began to become a different person. She went from being a fun, bubbly mother to someone else entirely. We'd find her placing piles of clothes that needed ironed in the bath, or putting our yogurt on plates. It was strange things; she was losing her common sense. And then sometimes she'd sit at the table with us both, and my father, and stare into space, not breaking that stare until my father touched her gently, bringing her from her sad thoughts. It really hit us when we'd find her crying, and those were the hardest times.' He paused for a bit, collecting himself again. 'Eventually my father didn't return to work, he would faint and get dangerous pains in his chest frequently. And that was when they had to tell us. My father… had heart cancer."

I tried not to gasp in shock, but it was hard. I thought of young Edward and Alice being told that their father was fatally ill. How could someone cope with someone like that? How could someone not be haunted by the thought of that everyday, even years after it happened? How did they manage to keep smiling, when the memories were still there? It was a heartbreaking thought. And the more the questions went around in my head, the more I felt that they deserved all the happiness they could get. To go through something so traumatic… I'd never have guessed about this at the beginning of his story.

I began to feel small droplets of water hit my head, and it registered with me that he was crying. So I cuddled closer to him, but let him cry it all out, in hopes that later it would be better. I couldn't help but wonder how many times he had told this story, if any.

He whimpered. "It was undoubtedly the most excruciating thing either of us have gone through. To watch our father… deteriorate. Each day I'd wake up and think… will I see my father when I get home? Will he still be here for us, for me? It became harder and harder for my mother, and amazingly, when all others broke down because of it - including Alice and I - she stayed strong. I suppose she had to. If my father had seen how much it hurt her, he'd probably have died with many more regrets than he had. Many people were sorry for our situation; he'd helped so many people in his life. He was a great man… but all great men have to go at some point.

"And then he died. In the hospital he had created, ironically. He's strived all his life to help and find a cure for heart conditions, only to die from one himself. Heart cancer is the most rare type of cancer, not many people have it, you know. And I guess that makes it the hardest one to treat. No matter how much my father fought against the cancer, it beat him again and again. I've been in hospital enough to put me off of it for a long time. And it makes me extra protective around the people I love." He stroked my hair with one hand, and I raised my face to look at his. My fingers gently wiped away the tears that he had shed. Thankfully no more had come.

He began again. "And after that, we went into mourning. School became hard for us, because we couldn't concentrate as much, even after we came back from our mourning period. We'd gone through so much. My mother, unfortunately, was never the sae again. I watched her become someone I didn't recognise, because the one person she relied upon the most was no longer there. I've seen what it does to people to be parted, forever, from their other half. And it isn't nice, believe me.' He stroked my cheek, and I leant into his warm touch. 'Then, about a year or so after, when I was eighteen and Alice was just turned sixteen, my mother passed too. It was too hard for her to live without him, I guess. And now, they lay together, somewhere on this island. I was never told where; my parent's friends always thought it would be too hard for me to talk about it, or find out about it. But I know they are here, somewhere. And that's why I come here sometimes. To visit them, in some way."

I looked at him, opening my mouth, finding it slightly dry. "Do you think they are here now, looking down on us?"

He shrugged, and small smile playing on his lips. "Maybe. I'm not sure I believe in any of that stuff. But I know they are here somewhere, in some way, shape, or form. And I know they would have approved of you. Especially my mother; she would have adored you, I'm sure."

I smiled. It was a nice thought.

"After their deaths, because I was old enough, I inherited my share, and Alice hers a few years later. It was… quite substantial, shall I say. We were wealthy people. And that's how I can afford to fly you out here on a private plane and boat. Even if I had to scrounge every penny to my name I'd do it. Because you're worth it, my love. Every. Single. Penny.

"Thank you, for everything, but most of all, telling me your story. It must have been hard, but in a way I feel closer to you now. I feel I know all of you." I leant down and brushed my lips over his, sweetly and gently.

(THINGS GET SLIGHTLY HOTTER HERE WARNING!)

His arms tightened around my waist, and I sunk into him. He kissed me again. "You're welcome." was all he said, his lips going back to previous activities, now kissing his way down my neck. My arms snaked up over his lean shoulders, feeling his skin on my fingertips, and up into his bronze locks, threading my fingers through many of the glorious strands. It felt heavenly. He moaned slightly, kissing me harder, no doubt leaving a mark. Then he kissed his way back up my neck, making me shiver in delight, and kissed my straight on the mouth again. I was melting. Literally.

His hands moved from their position on my waist, lingering lower until he was on my hips, and begin to stroke the slither of skin from one hp bone to the other that my traitorous t-shirt had exposed. His fingertips danced over my flesh, leaving goose bumps in it's wake, and making groans of pleasure escape my lips. Edward didn't seem to find in the slightest, as his strokes on my skin became wilder. My hands, still threading endlessly through his hair, tugged tightly, and eventually we broke our kiss.

I looked at him, with his wild eyes, messy looking sex hair and lust filled expression. His lips, red from our kissing, and his cheeks, slightly flushed from the exercise. I had never felt such knots tighten in my stomach, and such an ache form in my body. I needed to get closer to this man. If his posture and expressions were anything to go by, I presumed I was the same. I gave off exactly the same vibe, or so it seemed, because in no time at all Edward's arms curled under my legs, pulling me up into a bridal style, and we were rushing upstairs, the bedroom I had yet to see awaiting.

He sat me down on the bed gently, and I felt the mattress move beneath me. He knelt at my feet, sitting so close I could feel his sweet breathe surround me, pulling me in. He touched his fingers to me cheek, and smiled, probably hearing my rapid heart beat. "Are you okay?"

"More than okay." I was with Edward, of course I was fine.

My shoes came off first, then my spotty rainbows socks which I allowed Edward a small laugh at. Hey! They are nice socks! He palmed my feet, keeping me not only at east, but his soothing touch made myself fall in love with him again. He was so… perfect. I thought back to his story, and hoped he'd never have to go through as much pain as his father did. I never wanted to see him go through that. But I pushed that thought to the back of my mind, and let his fingers work their magic.

Soon the jeans were gone, then he worked my top half, leaving me only in my underwear. Needless to say, I felt slightly bare, and then used the same actions on him, and soon we were both down to the same state of undress. His fingers skilfully brushed against my skin, making me react in ways I never knew I could. It wasn't my first time, but Edward was the one I always wanted to be able to share this with. It was magic.

His fingers, curled around my neck, bringing me closer and kissing my smoothly. As he pulled away he pressed kisses into my hair while his fingers trailed down my neck, over my collar bone, eventually to touch the cold gold of the cross my father had given me. He traced each line, almost worshipping it.

"This is beautiful against your skin." He murmured as his fingers danced over the intricate object. I watched him touch it, feeling as if he was touching a piece of my heart. And in reality, he was. It was a piece of my father, whom I'd always care for.

He bent down, pulling it forward, and kissed the patch of skin which is lay across. "In a way, I wish I had something like this. Something I could remember my parent's from."

I could feel the motion move through his voice, the pain still evident. I reached up and touched his cheek, feeling the warmth there. I tried to comfort him. "They might not be here in reality. But they are here, looking down and loving you. They'll always be there. Just like I will be."

He looked at me with live in his eyes, and then he began to kiss me again with passion as we moved closer and closer to those comforting sheets.

-.-.-

He looked down at the angel he held in his arms, bare and warm, cuddling into his side. His hands trailed up her arm, feeling the softness of her skin in his touch, and he pressed a kiss into her slightly messed up hair. Their activities had begun soft, but became more vigorous as they continued. And she'd looked more beautiful with every second.

He thought back to what he'd done in the last few hours after arriving to the island. He knew at some point his past would come up, and in the back of his mind he'd known it would be tonight. He still hadn't been prepared for it though. But thankfully he'd had Bella there to help him through it, and the more he told, the more he felt comfortable telling. There was the inevitable illness, which he wasn't comfortable with talking about because… well, they still didn't know if it was hereditary. They had had no way of knowing back then, and that made the subject, especially with such an emotional being as Bella, even harder. He didn't want to have her reminded that at some point, he could be the victim. But that was very unlikely, like the doctor had said. There was nothing to worry about.

He felt her body start to slow, and her breathing went down to s steady rate. He knew she was slipping into sleep, and his tired eyes told him he should too.

He nestled further into the sheets, feeling them move across his naked body as he slipped lower. When he felt comfortable, he pressed another kiss into her hair, watching a smile appear on her lips.

He let his eyes close, but a few words murmured into the night.

"I love you, Bella. I'm sorry if I drag you down."

**A/N; Shorter, but I felt this chapter told what it needed to, and gave off the vibe I wanted. It was hard to write this chapter, but I go through it and hopefully you as readers feel a little more connected to Edward. That was what I aimed for.**

**Next chapter will be a little bit of Alice and Rose's trip, as well as spending time with Charlie and Jasper, so that should be fun. Then we'll be returning back to Edward and Bella's holiday in the chapter after next. So stay tuned.**

**I wrote a oneshot, which I forgot to mention, called 'I Love The Way' - it was for Valentines day, but if you wish, just pop over to my profile and take a look.**

**I've also got a FictionPress account, and the link is on my profile. Just one story on that so far!**

**Thanks for reading, and please review!**

**-xlovestory**


	27. Twenty Six

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

"NEW YORK, BABY!" Alice screamed at the top of her voice through the window of the yellow taxi. Her arms waved to passers-by on the street; most oblivious to anything that was happening. That was the problem in New York - no-one stopped for anything. Their steps were unusually quick, their gaze only on the place they wanted to get to. They didn't take time; they never had time to waste. Hardly anyone noticed Alice's screams of excitement, only a few people's curious faces popping out from the crowd. Rosalie smiled slightly when she saw most of them were tourists. No wonder they were acting differently to all the rest.

She watched her friend bounce up and down in her seat. It was obvious she couldn't contain her happiness anymore. Throughout the flight she had been reasonably calm, except for when they had announced it was the flight to New York, and she'd heard her friend let out a small squeak. Alice's hands clutched tightly onto the window - currently rolled down - and her eyes were trained on all the sights she was seeing. The tallest buildings in the world, the works of art that were the people who lived there; colourful, some unusual but all brilliant. Every aspect seemed to thrill her pixie like friend. It was almost as if this was her first time to New York. But she knew it wasn't.

Rosalie let out a giggle when Alice clapped her hands excitedly as they rounded Central Park. "Alice, I know you can't wait to see the show and all, but really, how are you so excited? You're acting like you've never seen New York before!"

Alice turned to her friend, a shy little smile decorating her face. "Well, yes. I have seen it before. But… it's just so different this time. I mean, I'm with you!' Rosalie smiled while Alice continued in her eager tone. 'And it just seems like… like something is going to happen. I'm not sure what, but I can feel it. It might be with us, or with Edward and Bella, or even with Jasper and Charlie… I just know it. Plus, it's Fashion Week; it's a rule to be excited!"

Rosalie shook her head. Alice seemed to have this power of some sort, that let her know what would happen. It was almost as if she were psychic. But the weird thing was, usually she'd guess right. So, as strange as it sounds - because Rosalie hardly ever trusted anyone else's thinking anymore - she believed that something might happen. She wasn't sure if it'd be good, though.

She had no doubt that Alice and herself would love the fashion. It was one of the things that bonded them together so well; their love for fashion gave them something in common. So there was no doubt in her mind that they wouldn't enjoy tomorrow's event, and she was sure they'd love Bella even more after that. But in the back of her mind was the thought that this was New York. This was the place, and this was the home of the one person she vowed never to go near again. New York was the place she'd run away from. Was she safe being here again?

She looked cautiously out of the window of the cab, searching the street for the face that would be permanently stamped into her brain. She hated the fact that she knew he'd be with her forever. She hated the fact that she'd never be able to forget him, or what she was put through. At ever corner she turned when she was here, she'd be waiting for him to pop out again. Looking into the crowds, she allowed herself to scrutinize the oblivious people walking along the streets. She didn't find James. She didn't find anyone she recognised, probably due to the fact that it had been years since she left and that thousands of people lived in New York. This thought settled her a little. With so many people, would it be easy to bump into James?

Alice poked her elbow into Rose's side, making Rose jump in fright and rub where Alice's pointy elbow had indented. She glared at her small friend before said person began to smile. "Seriously Rose, don't be gloomy. We're in New York! We're going to the catwalk tomorrow! Lighten up a bit, will you?"

Rose looked down, instantly feeling guilty. They were here for her, they were here to fully celebrate her birthday once again and her dark and scared mood was dulling it for her friend. She forced herself to smile and look at Alice. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be like this. It's just… there was a reason I left New York, and being here again… it just brings up unwanted memories."

Alice scrunched up her eyes, groaning loudly and slapped her hand to her forehead. "Gosh! How could I be so forgetful. Of course this is hard for you. It's I who should be apologizing.' She turned to Rose, apology written in her doe like eyes. 'If I'd known this would be difficult, I wouldn't have come. Say the word and we can go back to Forks. How could I have been so stupid!"

"Nonsense! Alice, we're here to celebrate your birthday again, and nothing - not even James - will stop me from being with you. Plus, like you said, it's Fashion Week; I've wanted to come here since I was a little girl. There is no way we are heading back to Forks until we've seen this show!"

Alice smiled at her friend, grasping her hand in her small one. "You're right, but I'm still sorry. Just remember, New York is a massive place. The chances of meeting him again and incredibly slim.

See? She reads minds.

----

The cab stopped in front of a large building, with glass panelling and glossy looking furniture inside. In some ways it reminded Rose of her dance studio, but she knew that this was a hotel instead. When Rose had mentioned the fact that's they'd need accommodation, Alice had got onto it straight away. In vain Rose had reminded her that it needn't be anything fancy, but here they were, standing in front of the Courtyard New York Hotel, which looked classy and expensive. Alice never did anything on a small scale.

Beside her Alice squealed again excitedly, and the driver looked at her with an odd yet amused expression as he took their suitcases from the car. After Alice had handed over the money, plus large tip, they took their suitcases and went into the hotel, well… Alice ran. Her spiky black hair almost got lost between two rather large groups checking in, and her height didn't help, but her excited words to reception helped Rosalie find her again. As she got there, Alice had been handed their key, and Alice shot a delighted beam at her before rushing towards the elevator. Rosalie simply laughed at Alice's frenzied behaviour, jumping in the lift with her. It was impossible to be unhappy when around Alice; she gave off happy energy. It was often worse when Jasper was around, she thought. He seemed to channel everyone's emotions.

The elevator doors closed, a few people scooting in at the last minute, but surprisingly not being caught in the doors. About a minute later and the ding signalled the fifth floor. Alice skipped out the lift, suitcases rolling obediently behind her, and Rose went after her. Her friend soon had the key in the slot and the door opened, revealing the most marvellous looking room.

It was spacious, clean and warming. Light creams, whites, and shades of gold decorated the room from every corner, with the odd vase of flowers or ornament giving more of a homely feel. To one side was the living space, filled with comfortable sofas and armchairs. On one of the walls sat a very large TV, with the other side of the room housing a computer. The smaller hall was in front of them, leading off into their joint bedroom, which had two double beds, with gold bedspreads to match the décor. It was beautiful; just the way Rose liked it.

Alice trailed over to the window, which was very large and gave a view over the entire city. She gasped in awe at all she saw, with the tallest buildings, and the bright blue sky - no clouds in sight. It was a magnificent looking day, with only a slight chill in the air (it was November now) and Rose found she really wanted to walk around and view everything. She hoped she would have the chance before they left.

"So, do you like it?" Alice asked, the excitement in her voice clear.

Rose turned to her and smiled. "Of course, I love it. You have excellent taste Ali, in picking hotels. It's just beautiful, and the view…" She dragged off again, letting her eyes wander to the wonders of New York City. It was at times like this when she forgot all about the troubles with James which she went through, and wondered how on earth she ever convinced herself to leave this city. One look, and she was drawn in again.

A noise behind her told her that Alice had thrown herself onto one of the couches, and she turned, settling herself down into one of the comfortable armchairs. They sat in companionable silence for a while, just admiring the furnishings of the room and the view from outside.

Rose spoke up after a while. "Do you think the others are missing us?"

Alice snorted. "No, especially not Edward and Bella. They'll be,' She checked her watch quickly. 'Just boarding the little boat that takes you to Isle Esme. Plus, they'll be too wrapped up in each other to notice that we aren't there with them. Trust me, Isle Esme just has that quality. And then there is Jasper; I kind of hope he's missing me."

Rose laughed, trying to forget about the growing hole in her heart. It had been there every since that night at the dance show, even after Bella had talked to her, assuring her that the right man would come along. She knew, at some point, he would. But she didn't want to wait. The impatient child in her was becoming to be set loose. Rose shook her head at Alice. "Of course he's missing you. He misses you when you go for a shower. Jeez, that man is hooked on you so bad. I'll be surprised if he isn't aching for you now."

Alice scrunched her eyebrows. "Gosh Rose! don't say that. What if he is like that? What if---"

Rose held her hand out, stopping Alice's worried rant. "Stop, Alice. I'm sure he'd not in pain. I'm sure he'd fine. All I was saying was… he's probably missing you very much. As anyone would, being you are such a great person all together, and such a great girlfriend to him."

Alice smiled. "Thanks. You're a great friend too."

"And a great second girlfriend to Jasper Whitlock?"

Alice's eyes opened wide in shock before her high pitched voice screamed. "Rosalie Hale! Don't you dare!---"

Rosalie's hands went up in surrender. "Just kidding."

With all thoughts of James forgotten, she was starting to enjoy herself.

-.-.-

Jasper knocked on the front door was the house he'd grown to know so well. He wouldn't be lying if he said he thought of Charlie Swan as his second father. Both of his parent's were now dead, and then he'd met Bella in Phoenix. With nowhere else to go but Forks with Bella - when her mother had given up on her and left with her new husband Phil - they'd found themselves at this house. Charlie was a great man who hadn't deserved the heartbreak that Renee had put him through 21 years ago. But despite all the unhappiness he felt - because you could tell when he was thinking about her - he still managed to keep a smile on his own face, and put one on many others.

That day, months ago now, when Bella had got a call saying he was in hospital, Jasper had felt his throat constricting. He'd always thought of Charlie as the strong man figure in his life, and to know he could so easily slip away had felt terrible. It was worse for Bella those days when she would visit him. And because Jasper knew Bella so well, he knew that she was still scared for his safety. The necklace she wore was proof of that. He knew she'd never take it off, because she believed it was the only thing keeping him living. And in a way he'd been put on baby-sitting duty while all the others were away. He didn't mind in the slightest; he'd been meaning to catch up with him at some point anyway. The weekend would be filled with cans of beer and the television screen. What more could a guy wish for?

Well, Jasper could wish for Alice. It was strange how he now depended on someone so completely. Apart from Bella, he'd pretty much isolated himself from anyone else. He'd rather not get so close to anyone, when at some point, either the next day or sixty years later, they would leave him. He'd rather not know them than have to go through the pain of loss. He'd known pain, he'd known mourning, and he didn't want to go through it again. So meeting Alice, getting to know her, and beginning to love her, had been a strange experience for him. His shield had had to be broken down, and in truth it had crumbled at the sight of her. She was his air, and right now, knowing she was so far away, he was finding it hard to breath. But he knew she was happy, and having fun with Rose, so he didn't need to worry. All he needed to do was sit on that beckoning sofa in Charlie's living room, and waste the next few days away.

A few seconds later, and the creaks from the wooden floors inside signalled Charlie's arrival. The door swung open revealing his second father, and he was soon in a tight welcoming hug. Charlie ushered him in out of the cold November winds and light drizzle - for it could never be completely dry in Forks - and Jasper sunk into the comfort of the couch. In a strange way he felt as if he'd come home. Everything in front of his eyes was unchanged. Looking back, it seemed like it had never been changed. Everything was in the exact same place as it had been the first day he'd entered this house, with Bella by his side. Charlie was written all over the décor; comfort, slightly ragged, and the scent of… used. Old beer cans and crisp packets littered the small table beside Charlie's armchair, and Jasper smirked a little. Hadn't Bella just been here a few hours ago? It amazed Jasper how one man could drink so many cans of beer and eat so much junk, and still stay so thin. He put it down to being in hospital, where he had lost a lot of weight. Looking closer, he saw the words 'un alcoholic' written in a small font on the cans. He refrained from chuckling. Bella thought of everything, and Charlie was oblivious.

Charlie sat himself down and looked Jasper over. See, he was like a father? Next he'd say something like…

"You're looking a bit thin Jasper. Are you eating enough?"

Jasper wanted to roll his eyes but stopped himself. "Yes, I'm fine. I guess I've just been thinking about other things, and doing other things. But I've missed hanging out with you Charlie."

Charlie grinned. "Me too. It doesn't feel the same watching football on your own. How've you been?"

The television blared in the background as they continued to catch up. "I'm been great, thanks. Just… living life, I suppose."

"And I hear you've got yourself a girl." Charlie, a person who usually didn't dip into conversation, went straight in and asked whatever he was thinking.

Jasper looked down, feeling the smile erupt over his face and his cheeks turn pink. That's the reaction that usually coursed through him. "Yeah, I did. Her name's Alice, you'd love her. Wait - haven't you already met her?' Charlie smiled in response. 'Yeah, you have. She's great. Such a perfect girl. And she makes me happy."

Charlie slapped his hand over the arm of his chair. "And that's all you want, Jasper. If she can make you feel as of you are on top of the world all the time, then you've picked the right girl. And she'd Edward's sister, right?"

Jasper nodded. "She is. They are so different, considering they are siblings, but they are both great people. You've met Edward. What did you think of him?"

Charlie nodded, and Jasper knew Charlie liked Edward. There was a specific nod he used when he appreciated something or someone. And right now, that nod was being put in place. "He'd a nice boy, and he compliments my Bells well. They look great together, and I can see how much happier she is when with him. So… I can't stop love, can I?' Jasper shook his head, chuckling. 'I wouldn't want to, anyway. He's a nice kid."

Jasper nodded in agreement. "He's such a great guy, and I can also see the change in Bella. She's a lot more confident, and she'd really helped in getting Edward out of his shell. Alice really appreciates what Bella has done. She says she'd never seen him so happy."

Charlie laughed. "Well, our Bells can work miracles!"

The conversation settled down slightly, and they began to watch football. Charlie turned the sound up louder, and they got engrossed in the game. Right as half time was signalled, Jasper felt a vibration in his pocket, and pulled out his ringing phone. He gestured to Charlie that he would take this, and walked into the hallway. Glancing at the screen his saw Alice's name flash. His smile widened.

"Hey Alice."

"Jasper!' Her high pitched, excited voice rang through the end of his phone. Instead of cringing at her loud tone, it only made him smile, but miss her more. 'I miss you so much. I wish you were here." Sometimes he felt like he could read his mind, even if she wasn't here.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm missing you too. If feels weird around here with you. But you're in New York. Are you not enjoying yourself? What have you been doing?"

Alice needed no further encouragement to rave about her plans. "Oh Jas, you should be here. It's amazing. I've never seen a place more beautiful, except for Isle Esme. All the buildings are so tall, and our hotel room is to die for. Such lovely furnishings. Rose is loving it too. We've just had dinner in the restaurant downstairs, and the food was gorgeous. But it's getting late, so I thought I'd phone you and see how you're getting on. Tomorrow's gonna be busy. The show starts at twelve, and then there is a little party afterwards which Bella got invites for us. That starts at four and ends at eight. Then we leave the next morning. Phew! We are gonna be tired."

Jasper laughed, feeling as if he was closer to Alice than he felt. It was as if she was here with him, talking to him naturally. "It sure sounds as if you will be. But I'm sure it'll be great. And you're getting to spend more time with Rose, so that's a plus."

"Yeah, it is. For a while she was a little… jetlagged, but now she'd happier." Alice paused in between words, as if patching up what she was going to say for something more suitable. But Jasper never picked up on it; he was high from hearing her voice.

"Well, honey, I'd better let you go. From the sounds of it you'll be rushed off your feet tomorrow, so you'll need your sleep. Sweet dreams, and have a great day tomorrow."

Right on cue, a loud yawn was heard from her side. She giggled. "I guess you're right. How are things going with Charlie?"

He looked through the small windows in the door to see Charlie's eyes glancing at a picture on the mantel piece. As he looked closer he realised it was a picture of Bella when she was younger, hugging her mother tightly. Charlie was obviously missing them both today. Jasper got back to Alice's question. "Things here are fine. We're just going to hand around, watch some football, that sort of thing.' Another yawn sounded. 'I'll let you go now, Ali. I love you."

Alice's reply was rather sleepy. "Love you too."

The phone cut off, and Jasper sighed in longing. He'd got used to being around her now, and it was difficult to deal with her not being here. Just hearing her voice made him want to jump on a plane and fly to see her. His heart kept clenching, but he knew she was in safe hands, and just taking time with her friend. So he slipped his phone back into his pocket and went back through to the living room. As he entered, Charlie's eyes quickly switched from the photograph to the screen and Jasper suddenly wondered how many times he'd done that, especially when Bella was here. But he pushed that thought aside; it just shows that some love last longer than the other person believes.

Jasper then through himself onto the sofa, sinking into the comfortable material.

"How's the game going then?" He asked, and the twinkle in Charlie's eyes returned.

-.-.-

The next morning, in New York, had the sun shining brightly. It had streamed through the windows in the early hours, and had woken Alice up, who in turn had awoken Rose - usually a late sleeper. After a few pillows being thrown, and a few covers being pulled from bodies, the pair was up, washed and dressed all by eleven o-clock. They had both pulled on their special outfits, both of which were bought especially for this occasion. It was Fashion Week; they had to look their best. Alice's hair was in her usual snort spikes, but the figure hugging red dress she was wearing made her look less like a trying-too-hard rock chick and more like a princess. It hugged her chest and stomach perfectly, pulling and pushing into the right places, before sliding out slightly at the rim. The bright red went well with her pale skin. Rosalie had gone for the slightly more casual look, but didn't look any less beautiful. With her long legs and straight figure, she looked as if she should be one of the people walking the catwalk instead of watching. Her dress had thick straps at the top, and went right now her body, almost looking like a very long vest top. It was deep blue, and her blonde curls fell from her head, resting neatly over her shoulders. Both wore jewellery to match, and heels (in Alice's case to make her look taller). Then, at around half eleven the exited the hotel, with their over-sized handbags in their arms, walking with confidence in the noon sun.

As they neared the building being used, the number of woman, and a few men started to grow. In front of the building a large queue had begun to form, with all the colours making it look like a straight line rainbow. The people ranged from the famous, the rich, and the less rich but none the less sophisticated. As the clock strung twelve, the chattering sounds got louder and the doors were flung open, which the mile long queue rushing to get inside. Luckily, Alice and Rose were quite near the front. They rushed forward with their tickets and passes, and were escorted to the front line. The seats began to fill and the camera men started to crawl towards the front, slotting their cameras in front of their eyes. The bright lights went down, the spotlights went up, and the show began.

Throughout the show, Rose and Alice were amazed by what they saw. Every so often Alice would lean over and whisper about how much better this was than the last time she'd been, but as Rosalie had nothing to go by, she was flabbergasted. It was obvious a lot of work had been put into the show, and all the designs were superb. Each was different, each spectacular. All the colours, all the patterns. Everything, made this show perfect, and she knew she wouldn't have had this much fun if Alice hadn't been there.

Unfortunately, after what only seemed a few minutes, the show was over. It had been going at such a fast pace, and all the outfits seemed to jumble, with the best popping right out. All the models took to the catwalk, with the designers getting their congratulations too. After the show the lights went up again, and everyone ventured outside, with the few that had passes going through a small, secret side door, to the after party.

Once they entered they found the place slightly empty, with only a few stray others who had watched the show, and a few waitresses who were waiting to hand around drinks. After a few minutes of standing and talking with one another, more people arrived. They were greeted, and made conversation with many others. The waitresses handed over their drinks and the party started to get into full swing.

The models came in first, now wearing their after show dresses. Rosalie noticed that most of them were wearing flats. She smiled when she realised because most of them had had their feet squeezed into shoes which were sizes too small for the last three and a half hours. She felt pity, and could almost feel the relief as they chatted together with her and Alice. In a weird way, this was surreal. They were from such different worlds. These girls were mostly from cities well known all over the world. They had given up their normal lifestyle to go on stupid diets, shrink themselves into smaller than normal sizes, and made their lives become one big camera show. Rosalie's life was nothing like that. And yet they were all so down to earth. They didn't just talk to the famous, their co-stars or the designers. They came and talked to the normal, average people. And that made Rosalie like them even more. There was only one thing that she became jealous of.

Their boyfriends.

Two hours into the party and she'd become sick and tired of seeing the catwalk stars being greeted, very publicly, by their other halves. Whether it was the touchy hug, or the overly long kiss, she found herself looking away as quick as possibly to avoid feeling hurt. Alice was feeling it too. Everything time she saw a couple together she longer for Jasper's hand to be in hers.

After a while Rose excused herself from the group her and Alice were talking too. Alice seemed very comfortable talking to one of the designers, who had become very interested in Alice's compliments, so Rose felt like she could go to her own little place, and then come back later. She walked away with her destination being the bar, scuttling quickly past more hugging couples. Once she reached the bar, she plopped herself down on a seat, and ordered another drink.

"You did well tonight." A voice whispered close to her ear. She felt his breath on his skin, and felt the goose bumps erupt. Her stomach clenched, and her heart began to pump quicker. All this at the sound of a man's voice. And it sounded somewhat familiar.

She turned quickly, throwing some of her hair to the other side. "I'm sorry, I'm not a model, I---' She looked closer and identified with the person; a tall, muscular man in an Armani suit, with dark curly hair and twinkling eyes. 'Oh. Hello."

The man smiled, recognising her, and outstretched his hand. She looked at it closely, before slotting hers into his feeling the warmth they created flow from the ends of her fingertips all the way up her slender arms. His lips went into a smile. "How nice to meet you again, I'm Emmett McCarthy."

She nodded, letting her lips send him a hesitant smile. "Rosalie Hale. A pleasure"

Over time she'd learnt not to be forward, but not to stand back against guys. If too forward it would lead two ways; either they thought you wanted them in your pants, or you warned them off. But then again, being too shy, often led them to thinking they could get away with anything. She liked to be in control, in everything, especially with her men. It was better that way, she'd found. She didn't want herself in a position with a person like James again.

Their hands dropped and Rosalie collected her drink, turning on her stool, crossing her legs to get comfortable. She glanced at her new companion, noticing he was no longer looking at her face. His eyes had travelled down to her legs, which were now showing more skin cue to their position. She smirked slightly, his eyes still trained on her bare skin.

She put her hand out in front of his face, and snapped her fingers. "Eyes up Mr McCarthy."

His cheeks turned a little shade of pink, and he glanced at her with passion. He took a sip of his drink. "I'm sorry; that was rude of me. With your model looks, I'm sure it isn't the first time a guy has looked at you."

She looked down, James face flying to the front of her mind again. As soon as she looked back at Emmett, he wall had been turned up again, and she was a picture of flirty confidence. "No, it wouldn't be. But it also wouldn't be the first time I'd kicked a man where it hurts when he's looked at me. Consider that a warning."

He pretended to gulp, his eyes continuing to twinkle. "Will do."

The talked for a little while longer, with his calm and cheerful persona getting under she skin. She found herself smiling at his awful jokes, laughing more than she had with a man in years, and his innocent touches began to make her mind go haywire. Was it possible for such an attraction to exist?

And then it all began to crumble.

"Emmett, darling. We've gotta go now." A high pitched, squeaking voice hurled between them from across the room. The music pulsed off the walls, but the woman's voice still managed to pull their tight conversation and attraction apart. As the woman spoke the words, she saw his eyes loose the twinkle she now loved so much, and he seemed to grow lifeless with every step the woman took. She was tall, with her sky high heels helping. She had a model-like figure, and as Rose glanced closer, she noticed that indeed, the woman had been on the show.

The woman turned towards Rose. "Hello. I'm Lauren."

The look Lauren gave to Rosalie was not friendly. She glared, but it didn't intimidate Rose in the slightest. She'd dealt with people of this type before. "Rosalie."

Lauren nodded curtly, swinging her glance to Emmett. "Darling, we'd better get going. It's been a long day you know."

Emmett nodded. "Yeah, I know. We'll just go and get our coats, okay?"

Lauren smiled sweetly at him, hugging him around the waist. She turned her eyes to Rosalie giving her a stony glare. "Say goodbye to your… friend, Emmett."

He nodded, looking up at her with decipherable eyes. "Goodbye, Rose."

She tried to smile, but instead she was falling. "Until we meet again, Emmett."

"There won't be an 'again'." Lauren said under her breath, but Rosalie heard it quite well. She let her hand give a limp little wave, before turning her back and walking towards Alice who was still talking animatedly to the same designer.

Alice had been right; something would happen on this trip.

It just so happened that the event was bittersweet.

**A/N; Longer chapter, but only because I'm going to disappoint you now. Due to exams I haven't been able to write to the best of my ability. I am NOT, I repeat NOT quitting on this story - I love writing this too much - but due to demand for studying, it will be a few weeks until the next update. I might be able to getting writing next weekend, but I am unsure. So just to be on the safe side - for my grades as well - I'm going to take a break until I can completely focus. On the up side, after my exams I have a two-week holiday, so maybe more updates? Then we'll get back to Isle Esme Fun!**

**But for this chapter, please review!**


	28. Twenty Seven

**My Beautiful Disaster**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven.**

_RECAP!_

_Edward and Bella have arrived on Isle Esme. Pondering about how Edward knows this place, he tells her about his past, and about his parents' deaths. They then came together like only people in love can, and afterwards Edward realises just how much Bella means to him, and how much she has helped him better himself._

_Alice and Rosalie have arrived in New York, ready for the fashion show. On arriving Rosalie is suddenly hit with nerves and apprehension; the last time she was here was when she was running from James. Eventually she is able to forget about that and continue enjoying the weekend. Meanwhile Alice and Jasper stay connected with a short phone call. After the fashion show, Rosalie is surprised to meet Emmett once again - she first met him at the end of her dance show - and they hit it off. However, she is very disappointed when Lauren turns up. As Emmett's date._

**- - - - - - - - - -**

His eyes stayed on the horizon line, watching the sun appear over the lapping waves. They softly crashed against the sand grains, and the sudden light sparkled against the sea. The clouds above moved with a quickness that he'd only ever seen before in sped up television, and the gentle winds, soft and caressing, moved around him. It was at these small moments that he realised life was worth living. The sight was spectacular. He could pinpoint it to the second, for he'd watched this every time he'd been on the island. His body clock would wake him up at six in the morning, calling him to the balcony where this breath-taking sight would begin. At 6.07am the first signs of the sun would appear through the trees, and the rest would be a blur of forgotten time and peacefulness.

His hands rested on the bar in front of him, keeping him from tumbling over the edge. Looking down, it wasn't a great height - he also knew this from past experiences; he had an adventurous childhood - but he knew that his body, however young he was, might not be able to take it when he was rushed to hospital. It wouldn't be the first time he had been after taking a jump.

This island was filled with so many memories, some of his childhood, some of grieving, and some of love. He'd met people here that he'd remember for life. He'd collected memories of his parents here, and replayed them in his mind to remind him that they were happy. This island was a place that put smiles on all of the Cullen's faces, and he loved it for that.

It also reminded him of what he no longer had.; his parents, being the main thing. All moments he remembered here were of them all together, enjoying the sun, playing in the waves, and searching the streets. Every time he came here he was reminded that he'd never be able to do that again, not with the people he used to.

But now it was time to make new memories; that was one of the reasons, other than spending alone time, that he brought Bella here. He wanted to refresh his life, and make new moments that he would cherish, to add to the fantastic ones he already had. He wouldn't have come back if he hadn't had a reason. And like many things, Bella had given him that reason. She'd shown him what life could be like if you lived it to the full every second. She'd shown him that love can change a person for the better. And now she'd shown him, inadvertently, that it was time to forget the bad moments of the past, and start again.

He looked back from the amazing sight in front of him, which, sadly, was coming to an end. The sun had risen as far as it would go, the wind has slowly settled, and the waves continued as if nothing had happened. His eyes connected the sleeping form on the bed, wrapped up tightly in fluffy, white (with golden designs) sheets. He could see every perfect contour of her frame, and her eyes were shut gently, fluttering slightly, with her lips forming a small smile. He felt his face lighten, and he was again amazed by the way that even just looking at her made him feel happier.

He turned away from the view and tip-toed across the floor of the bedroom, out through the door, down the staircase until he reached his case, lying discarded on the hall floor. He opened it up, searching inside until he found what he was looking for. Grabbing his small bound notebook an pen, he closed the lid once again, and with a fleeting glance in the direction of their bedroom, he continued through to the kitchen, taking a seat at the table on a high stool.

It was at quiet times, reflecting times, like these when he began to write. It was relaxing to him, to write down his thoughts, and record what he was thinking. He'd done it for as long as he could remember, and found it enjoyable to look back at a journal he'd kept ten years ago to find his younger self worrying over a late homework, or why a girl was ignoring him. He didn't keep it strict; it wasn't something he wrote in every day, but it was something that he found useful. Lately, however, he'd been writing them as if they were a letter. To Bella. He found himself telling her about what happened that day, and telling her thought he words the things he could never say. He hoped that one day she could read them, when he wasn't here - on a trip or something - and be reminded of all the wonderful times they has spent together.

His pen scrawled over the lined pages, his mind filtering through the images and words, selecting them carefully and placing them together. Everything around him was forgotten, not even the whistle of the wind against the glass doors or the birds chirping happily outside could keep him from his memories. Approximately half an hour later when the clock stuck eight o'clock in the hall behind him, he found his mind coming to a close with everything he had wished to say already written on the page before him. Signing his name, his touched the page, almost leaving it with his mark, before shutting the casing and letting the silence of the house surround him.

He sat there for a while minding his own thoughts until something inside of him told him she was now awake. Taking his journal he walked back to their cases, slipping it inside his, and zipped back up again, only to find that once he stood up Bella was waiting patiently at the top of the stairs.

He had always called her his angel - a little phrase he rarely used in front of her, for he knew it would make her blush and as much as he loved that trait of hers, she wouldn't be so pleased - but now, standing at the top of the stairs, he could actually imagine the halo on the top of her head. Her body was wrapped tightly in the sheets he'd left her in. She hugged them to the top of her body, her arms curved around the form, holding them to her. The sheets draped right down like a silk dress to her bare feet. Her hair, untouched by brushes, was a little messy but it made her look more beautiful in his eyes. And her face, fresh for the sleep, cheeks slightly pink, and eyes all doe-like from just waking up. Perfection.

She smiled shyly down at him. "Good morning."

He nodded. "Very good morning." murmuring to both himself and her. He watched as she realised what he was referring to and that famous blush appeared on her cheeks. She giggled slightly, making him smile.

He opened up his arms and waited for her to come down the stairs to greet him. She took her time, hauling up the heavy sheet, making sure they covered her body, and tiptoeing down the staircase, careful not to fall. She looked incredibly cute. Once she reached the final step she sighed in relief, before throwing herself into his arms, and they curled around her in return.

He pressed their bodies closer than possible, almost suffocating them both in the process. But that didn't bother them; they needed the closeness. In the last twenty-four hours so much between them had changed. They knew more about each other, and they felt closer and more connected than before. If they weren't completely in love beforehand, they definitely were now.

He pressed a kiss into her messy head of hair, feeling her sigh in contentment as she moved her head out of the way and locked eyes with him. For a few moments - which felt like hours - they simply looked at each other, savouring and enjoying the moment they had. Being on the island meant hardly any disturbances, and although they loved Alice dearly, she tended to disrupt their times together. It was nice for them to just… be together, alone.

He threaded his fingers gently through her locks, guiding them from the roots to the ends, and she watched as he did so. Then he moved his hand to cup her cheek, looking back into her eyes directly, making her sure he was going to say something quite serious.

His felt almost choked with emotion. "I wanted to thank you, because I didn't really have time last night.' She blushed as images of last night flashed into her head. Her rubbed his thumb across the pinkness. 'You are such a great listener Bella, and it helped me so much to get things out in that open like that with you. You helped me, and no-one has ever done that before. I hope you aren't… scared or put off by my past."

She smiled slightly, shaking her head. "Edward, nothing about you could ever 'put me off'. I don't care if you father was a murderer. I don't care about anything but the man you are now, the man I know you as. Your past, however important and interesting, isn't as important as knowing you. And what I know about you… doesn't put me off at all.' He smiled widely at her words, feeling them pull at strings in his heart. She looked down, away from his curious eyes. 'Quite the opposite, in fact. I feel like I want to stay with you… forever."

His finger lifted her chin so their eyes settled together again. And when he spoke the words she'd have died to hear, he said them with the utmost sincerity. "Bella, if you want me forever, you have me… forever."

She leant up on her tiptoes, letting her mouth latch onto his, and hold him close. "Thank you. You're such an amazing man. Sometimes I find it hard to believe you exist."

He chuckled. "I think the exact same thing about you, frequently." He enlaced their hands and tugged her in the direction of the kitchen. Eventually, fed up with her slowness, he picked her up, delighted by her giggles in response, and placed her on the chair he has been sitting on, picking up his bowl and cup, placing them in the sink for later.

She looked up at him with innocent, loving eyes. "What now, Mr Cullen?"

He rested himself over the table on his forearms, with his hands spread in from on him, splaying on the surface of the table. "Well, my love, I do believe it's breakfast time for the hungry human.' As he spoke he heard the distinctive sound of Bella's rumbling stomach, followed by her blush. He grinned. "It seems your stomach agrees."

She nodded, searching the closed cupboards with her eyes. "I think so. What's on the menu?"

"You can have anything you want." She knew he was only talking about food, but the say he said it made her feel as if he was really talking about their life together. She knew that if there was something she desperately wanted he'd buy it without a second thought. She found this a little disturbing having been brought up with the motto of "spend a little, save a lot", but if it was what he wanted to do… then so be it.

She grinned. "Pancakes, please."

He winked at her, before giving her a crooked smile. "Coming right up, Miss Swan."

She giggled and began waiting patiently. She watched as he moved around the kitchen with ease, digging out unused utensils, and looking around in drawers murmuring what he needed to find. Sitting back, she looked at him from afar and found how he fitted into this kitchen, this house, this island, so very perfectly. It was if he was born to live here. True, he's spent a lot of his life in these walls, but it seemed as if his soul had been here all the time. Alice had said numerous times that she herself had woken him up, and in some ways she believed his sister. But seeing him here, in his preferred environment, made her think she could see an extra spark in his eye, and that made her exceptionally happy.

Once the pancakes were ready, he dished them onto a place, and placed it in front of her. She grabbed the fork, drizzled some chocolate sauce on them, and then continued to wolf it all down, not caring about the burning sensation in her throat. She smiled up at her boyfriend in thanks, and he just continued to watch her. She scrunched up her nose in protest to him staring. "What are you looking at? Do I have some sauce on my face?"

He smirked, before beckoning her closer with his finger. "Yeah, actually. Just… about… here." They came closer and closer until he delved onto her mouth, making her freeze until her mind caught up at joined in the surprise kiss. She tasted on chocolate sauce and pancakes; he decided that was his new favourite taste.

"That was a little mean, Edward." Bella said, trying to control her breathing after being so close to the man that could make her pulse sky-rocket.

He pushed his nose to hers. "But you didn't mind…"

She giggled. "Not one bit."

The rest of breakfast time was spent with little bits of conversation, innocent kisses, and a warm embrace. He just couldn't stand being away from her. He had to be near her, touching her in some way. Eventually he had to move, and went around to her chair, lifted her off it, and sat back down with her on his lap. Bella just looked at him, fork hanging out of mouth, questioning his motives. He just kissed her shoulder in response, earning him a small smile and a shrug. Bella finished her breakfast with Edward's arms securely around her.

Once she had finished she turned around in his arms, and looked at him. "That was fantastic. Thank you. You make some mean pancakes."

He chuckled. "Thank you. A way to a woman's heart, it seems, is through pancakes."

She seemed to ponder this for a second. "Yes, I suppose it is. But it doesn't count if the person already loves you, does it?"

He nuzzled her neck, and she ran a hand through his bronze hair. "I guess it doesn't."

Just as they were beginning to relax into each other embrace, the shrill ring of the doorbell sounded, bouncing off the walls and making them both jump. Bella gasped with her hand placed on her heart, trying to remain calm. It was strange hearing something so loud in such a strange place. It felt unneeded, and out of place. Edward moved Bella, still wrapped only in sheets, off the stool and settled her on the floor, making sure she was standing. He pecked her cheek before murmuring that she'd better head upstairs and get dressed; they must have a visitor. She watched him walk away towards the door, quickly making her exit up the stairs as Edward opened the door.

He opened it to see a face he hadn't seen in a long time. Short, and cuddly shaped, with her grey hair set into a low bun with small curly wisps , and those dark blue eyes which he had looked into many times as a child. He could have remembered her face from anywhere. He grinned, opening his arms out. "Mary! How great to see you again!"

The old woman smiled, lines erupting over her face, and she stepped into the hug. Mary White had been the housekeeper for many years, almost as soon as they had bought the house and stayed here. She had watched both Edward and Alice grow from children into adults, coping as best they could as their parent's passed away. Mary and Elizabeth had been great friends, with Mary's husband often doing his fathers accounts, or playing darts with him. Edward had known this woman for a long time, and it was great to finally see her again. He hadn't for years.

"Edward! You finally came back! it's been too long since you exited the island. The sun hasn't shone as brightly without you around." Her cheerful voice made him feel like he was a child again. She was exactly as he had left her, with just a few more pounds around the waist and lines.

She leant up and pinched his cheek just like she had done when he was younger. "You get handsome every time I see you, my dear. Your parents would have been very proud of how you have turned out. Is Alice here?"

He shook his head as she let herself into the house, taking herself to the kitchen. "No. She is away in---"

"Yes, I didn't think she was here. This house has a particular air around and inside it when Alice arrives. It's much more… bouncy. Just like she was… that little boisterous tyke.' She smiled lovingly. 'I miss the children not being here. I only come once a month now you see, and the family not being here makes it feel strange. Still, something's cannot be helped, and happen for a reason." He shook his head at her rambling. It seemed she hadn't changed at all. She still talked constantly, and had a tendency to interrupt.

"Now, Edward, tell me. How have you---" She stopped abruptly. She began eying the kitchen with a critical gaze. Her eyes fell to the plate which had held the pancakes. Her finger swiped across the plate, picking up the last of the crumbs and sauce.

She turned to him, eying him suspiciously. "Pancakes with chocolate sauce. Strange. You only have that when you feel completely happy, and the sauce used to go all over your face as a child.' She smiled at the memory before stepping closer and sniffing him slightly. 'But you haven't eaten them because the smell isn't on you clothes."

She turned from him to walk to the sink, picking up the bowl he had dropped in earlier, and he mentally slapped himself. He should have remembered that one; she was very observant, two; she might have turned up once word got around that a Cullen was currently in the house and three; that he should have cleaned that bowl. He always did leave evidence.

"And another bowl in the sink. Last time I check you didn't eat two breakfasts, which means that someone else must be here. Now, you do recall I have a very sensitive nose, so I can tell who has been here, right?' She smirked at him as he nodded. 'So I'll save you the embarrassment of my inspection and let you tell me myself."

He held his hands up in defence. "Alright, alright. Yes, Mary, I do have someone staying with me. I do not like coming to the island on my own; the thoughts leaves my stomach and heart churning. The person I have brought is not of the family or of the male gender. She is called Bella, and she is… very close to my heart."

She clasped her hands together, looking at Edward. He had grown up so much in the time he has spent away from the island. Now that she knew he had someone in his life she could notice the small changes in his character. The way he had that sparkle in his eyes - something that had died after his parents death. The way he stood with a little more confidence. And the way his voice gave more power; the way he talked when discussing Bella made her sure he was in love with the girl. It was nice to see such a wonderful change in Edward, and her only wish was that the late Elizabeth and Edward could have been here to see it.

"Oh, Edward. I'm not surprised you've found a woman. Looking like that I'm surprised they aren't throwing themselves at you.' Edward looked down, chuckling a little, but staying modest. She continued. 'I can see how much this girl means to you; you obviously love her very much. Can I meet her?"

He looked up at her, a smiled softly. "Sure, I'll just go and get her." She watched as his walked with a jump in his step up the stairs in the direction of his old bedroom. The master bedroom had been left untouched under Alice's wishes. She had wanted everything to stay the way it had been the last time they had been there as a family. They had turned into very different people on the impact of the death of their parents, but Mary was now glad she could say that t least one of the wonderful children she watched grow up was finally happy.

A few seconds later the creak on the stairs alerted Mary, who was busy washing the dishes, to the arrival of Edward and Bella. She dropped the dish towel onto the wash board and turned around to see them. Together they looked perfect. In her opinion she thought he had picked a beautiful girl. Her beauty wasn't immediately obvious. You had to look close to find it, but the impact it had on the whole picture was magnificent. Her dark chocolate eyes contrasted brilliantly with his bright green. The bronze of his hair went well with her dark chestnut curls. Mary found herself trying to imagine their children, and the image she was conjuring up was quite a cute one.

Bella smiled at the old woman, lifting her hand in a shy wave. "Hello. I'm Bella."

Mary smiled, her features crinkling, and walked quickly forward, taking Bella into a hug she clearly didn't expect. She let her go, holding her still at arms length, looking her up and down. 'Beautiful' was coming off her lips like a prayer, making Bella's cheeks blush. Mary stepped back, and Bella stepped back into her place at Edward's side. They fitted like pieces of jigsaw.

"If only your mother had been here to see this moment, Edward.' She looked at the man she had known so long ago, seeing the sad look in his eyes. 'She would have been so proud of you, my dear. I mean, just look at you both. You really do compliment each other.' She pointed to Bella. 'And you, my darling, have great taste in breakfasts. Pancakes and chocolate sauce - my favourite!"

Bella giggled. "Thank you. It's always been my favourite too."

Mary smiled and went back to her dishtowel, cleaning the dishes again. She called over her should to them both. "What are your plans for today, my dears?"

Edward replied over the sound of the running water. "I wanted to take Bella down to the shore, Mary. I thought it was such a beautiful day. A great one for a picnic."

Mary subconsciously looked out of the window into the garden to see the sun shine brightly off the droplets of dew decorating the shreds of grass. Upwards was nothing but clear blue, and a few birds flying high in the warm air. Yes. It was a great day for a picnic.

"I should think so. You've got to make use of the fine weather. I'll pack you a picnic, and then while you're away I'll get to work on the cleaning."

Edward interjected. "But Mary, I can manage to pack the lunch myself---

"--- and if you wanted to come on the picnic with us…" Bella added, dragging off as Mary turned around shaking her head indignantly. She obviously knew what she wanted, and the picture of her reminded her of Rosalie.

Mary shooed them away from the kitchen. "Nonsense. Of course I'll pack the picnic. And, Bella dear, thank you for the invitation, but you came here to spend some quality time together. I won't impose myself on you. So, off you go and get ready. The picnic will be ready quite soon."

Edward wrapped an arm around Bella's waist, guiding her back to the bedroom to get her shoes. Twenty minutes later they arrived back down stairs, where Mary was no where in sight. A picnic bag lay in the centre of the wooden flooring in the hall, with a small note from Mary attached stating she had gone to get more supplies and we were to enjoy our picnic. So with that, they set off out the door and to the beach.

-.-.-

I could feel the grains of soft sand beneath my feet, wriggling in between my toes, and as my eyes closed, I felt as if I could fly away. I loved the beach, and the pureness of what it was. It was peaceful, and made even more special with the fact that Edward was right beside me. His arms was draped around my body, as my head rested on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. His hand rest on my hip bone, tracing shapes that made no sense. The air whipped around us, and our picnic bag was left forgotten behind us. We'd eaten it all anyway.

We were half way through our weekend - almost - and I felt as if I'd done everything and nothing at the same time. There was so many places I wanted to explore, so many things I wanted to do, yet I felt that if I did nothing but lie here with Edward all day, every day, I still feel we'd fulfilled this holiday. Because this trip wasn't about how many shops we visited, or how many landmarks we went to. It was about spending time together, forgetting what time it was and what specific time we had to do things. Here on the island time, rules, and regulations were put aside. I liked it.

I looked up to see Edward's eyes closed, letting the suns raze fall on top of him. He looked peaceful and beautiful. I didn't know whether he was awake or asleep, but I didn't nudge him. I just watched him and wondered how someone like he could exist.

His heart beat beneath my resting head would be steady, then falter slightly, then beat again. It was strange, but just another thing I am learning to love about this man. I like his faults too, although there aren't too many in my eyes. The fact that he can't wash dishes without having the water go everywhere doesn't bother me. The fact that he always has to drive his car and never lets me drive only irritates me slightly - but I can sympathise as my truck was once as precious to me as his Volvo is to him. And the fact that when he were walking here today he got a little out of breath only makes me giggle - especially when he patted his stomach and said in a joking manner "I'll need to lose some pounds". All of these things about him, I love.

I looked up at him again, and I knew it was true.

I'd love him, come rain or shine, until the end.

**A/N; AH! This chapter drove me mad. It wasn't coming together. I couldn't seem to write it properly. And I again wished I had never stopped the writing for studying for my exams. I managed to get myself out of synch with the writing process, and it annoyed me. But finally, this came together. I'm hoping to get another chapter out really soon, but judging by how long this took me, I doubt it. Hey, I might surprise you! Haha.**

**So yeah, I'm back, and very glad to be. I hope you haven't given up on this story as it does have so much more to go and give. It may seem all happy right now, but who says it'll stay that way… Oh. I'm so mean.**

**Anyways, if you love this story as much as I do, please review!**

**-xlovestory.**

**_OH! If you haven't already, pop over to my profile, and check out my Bedward oneshot (possibly twoshot) 'Goodbye Mr Cullen'. (:_**


	29. Twenty Eight

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Twenty Eight.**

To Alice it had seemed like the weekend had ended before it had begun. It had gone quickly - too quickly - and with so much to do, see, and admire she felt as if she had been on a rollercoaster. But she'd enjoyed every minute of it, and knew Rose had too. Bella had given them time together, something they needed every once in a while to keep their friendship strong. The last few months had been different for them all, with different people and work opportunities arising. And in a strange way, she felt as this represented something, almost like an ending. This was the climax, and everything would spread from now on. It was only a matter of time before people went their separate ways, with other things becoming priority. But that was okay, because she knew that in the end everything would come down to the bond the five of them created together.

She looked around the room she had called home for the last 48 hours. The floor was covered from head to toe with the clothes she had brought for the trip. Sure, there was more than she needed, but it was best to be prepared. Over in the corner was her beautiful red dress which had been thrown haphazardly over the room as she'd been too tired to do anything else but collapse into bed. Other bits and pieces decorated the floor, from underwear looking for it's matching partner, shoes which were missing their other half, and stray plugs from various hair curlers and straightners. It was a mess, and usually she was so tidy. She shook her head and began the long, tiring process to fixing the mess she had created. Most of it would be stuffed into the slightly small suitcase she had brought anyway. It was strange how there seemed to be more clothes now than had been when she'd left Forks…

Rosalie's voice came from the door behind Alice, and she turned sharply, jumping out of her skin at the sudden noise. "I must be a really deep sleeper because I didn't hear the hurricane last night." Rosalie smirked as she eyed the trail of devastation in the form of clothes.

Alice rolled her eyes, turning and glaring at her friend. "Well, I can't be organised all the time. I try to be, but I'm not perfect."

Rosalie held her hands up in defence. "I was just joking. Do you need a hand?"

Alice looked around the room. The mess seemed to be growing in front of her eyes. She groaned in frustration, slapping her hands over her eyes. "Don't you just wish that you could close your eyes and the mess would go away?' Alice shook her head again, before letting her hands drop to her hips, and smile slightly at the patient Rose. 'In other words, I'm love some help."

Rosalie grinned. "Looks like you need some, anyway. And quickly; the plane leaves in four hours and we need to be there in two."

Alice's gaze turned into one of alarm. "Why didn't you tell me this?!" She shrieked, grabbing any clothes she could reach and throwing them into the open suitcase, not bothering in the slightest that they would be crushed. That was what irons were invented for.

Rose began taking clothes, folding them neatly, and placing them into the suitcase. "I just assumed you already knew. I mean, really Alice, who's usually the most organised and efficient person here?' She asked, quirking an eyebrow and her disgruntled friend, currently acting like a lunatic running around the room. 'You. That's who.' Alice came rushing over to her side of the room, slamming her hands into the suitcase to cram more in. Rose grabbed both her wrists, and waited until their eyes connected. 'Alice. Just breath for a second. You need to relax. It'll be fine. We'll get there in time, we won't miss the plane and we'll be back in Forks by midnight. Alright?"

Alice's deep breaths calmed her slightly and her tense shoulders dropped. She sighed, smiling gratefully at Rose, who let go of her wrists, took everything out of the suitcase, and began packing them properly. Alice did the same. "Alright. It'll be fine. Let's just… done this. Quickly."

Rose smirked at her friend. Sometimes you just can't take the hyper out of Alice.

-.-.-

About an hour later and the packing in Alice's room was finished; something Rose was quite thankful for. She loved Alice like a sister, but sometimes, like other things, you just had to seek you own space and have a moment to yourself, away from all the excitement. It had been a wonderful weekend, filled with lovely fashion and great bonding time with her friend. But there was one thing pulling it down. One thing ruining all the rest. In specific, just one man.

She ran her hands through her hair and let her back floor onto the comfortable surface of pillows. How could she have let herself do it? How could she have lost control? She'd vowed never to lose control again, and yet in nearly an hour her guard have been put down and she'd been left unprotected. There were many reasons why she didn't let her guard down often, but the most appropriate one was so that things like this couldn't happen.

She _hated_ the fact that Emmett had got under her skin.

She'd seen him a total of two times; it seemed impossible that he could have such an effect on her. In all her years of life after puberty, she'd never been this drawn to a person. This sort of thing didn't happen to her, or to many people. And yet she'd dreamed of this moment, dreamed of meeting a person you had such a connection with, and now she was wishing it had never happened. She wished that night would just fade away. Except it wouldn't, and every small intricate detail squirmed around her head, irritating her.

She remembered it clearly, as if it had happened only moments ago. She feeling of his warm breath on her neck, making the small hairs stand up like it only did in romantic movies. The way his voice melted her into a pile of goo at his feet, and the way she'd tried her hardest to keep her feet on the ground and stop him affecting her - she knew even then it was useless. The way he'd looked at her with lustful eyes and she'd had to snap him back to reality. She liked the fact that she had made him zone out, go into his own little world where she, for a few seconds, had been the sun; she really did like control. And the way that even through normal, run of the mill conversation, he could entice her in and get her to give information she'd not have given to anyone else. He'd told her of his work, how he was a manager in an entertainment company and was forced to attend all of these events. He'd told her of his family, how he was an only child and had lost contact with his parents. He told her many things, and she reciprocated. She told him of her dreams, and how they were coming true thanks to the insistence of her friends. She told him about living in New York, but moving to Forks to seek a new life - she left out the James bits. And the small innocent touches, looks, and emotions swirling around them at that time made it even harder for Rosalie to forget that night. Even thought she wanted to. Just a little bit.

Truth was, she'd enjoyed being with him. in the few moments they'd had it felt as if she'd known him for a lifetime. She felt such a… connection. And then she'd watched it slip away; watched as his sparkling eyes faded; watched as Lauren took over, and changed the man she'd met.

It was a strange emotion she'd felt in that moment. It wasn't exactly jealousy. It wasn't exactly hurt. It was… unknown. She felt as if she'd fallen into a hole without even realising, and her chest had contracted as she'd watched him disappear. That annoying voice in the back of her head was chanting _'I told you so, I told you so'_, and she'd known all along that would happen. The whole experience made that vow she'd made to herself even more prominent. She hoped that now she'd experienced the break down of that vow, she'd be able to keep it in place if ever _'under attack'_ again.

She lifted herself off of the sheets, spread them out evenly again, and shrugged her coat over her shoulders. She took one last look out of the magnificent windows; an eye to the city she had once loved to live in, but now it only held more memories of bad times and what she couldn't grasp. Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she picked up her suitcase and made her way out into the hall.

She found Alice standing in her doorway, looking agitated.

Rosalie's eyebrow rose. "Alice, what's wrong?"

Alice looked down, fiddling with her fingers, and Rose started to get impatient. Alice started stuttering out her reply. "Well, you see, while you were getting ready, the door went. I kinda answered it, as anyone would do,' Rose listened and noticed she kept making excuses for her actions. This made her suspicious. "and well… um… it was for you."

Alice kept her stance at Rose's bedroom door, and Rosalie turned her head, twisting it out into the corridor to try and see who it was that Alice had let in. She found no-one. Rosalie shrugged her shoulders. "So… what's the problem?"

Alice bit her lip. "You might not be happy at seeing them."

Rosalie's heart filled with dread. Could it be James? It couldn't be; how could he have found her, and if Alice knew it was him she'd never let him in. Rose shook those thoughts from her head but inside she still feared it being him. She looked back to find Alice running her hands through her hair manically.

Rose caught Alice's hands. "Why would I not like to see… this person?"

Alice looked around the corner quickly, and then turned back to Rose. "Well, I don't think you'll mind seeing him. But he said that you wouldn't want to see him. He said something about the night of the fashion show party… something about apologising.' Alice rolled her eyes, relaxing a little bit more because she'd reached the end of her spiel. 'Personally he seems like a nice guy, and I can't remember you mentioning something about a man, so… But he says he wants to talk to you. Emmett… something or other." Alice shrugged, not noticing the sudden blankness in Rose's eyes.

_How was she supposed to forget their moments together if he was to show up again?_

She let her shoulders slump, and her head looked to the floor. She felt her chest contract again, and she leant against the wall. She had to remain strong. She had to seem unaffected, even if she felt anything but that. She felt Alice touch her shoulder. "Rose, you okay?"

She looked up, hoping her didn't look as haggard as she felt. "Me? Yeah, I'll be fine. Just… entertain our guest for a second. I'll be out soon. But um… we might need to make it quick, you know. Airport and everything."

Alice nodded in understanding, realising her friend really didn't want to talk to this… Emmett person, whom she vaguely recognised but couldn't place. She gave a quick hug to her friend, before nodding to her once more, and walking to the living area.

Only to return seconds later, finding Rose in the same position.

Rosalie looked up questioning. Alice smiled in a thoughtful way. "Just a quick questions. Should I know this man? I mean… he looks familiar…"

Rose smiled a little. "Dance show." She stated tiredly.

The spark seemed to set off in Alice's brain, and she broke into a grin. Watching Alice in realisation was quite an amusing thing. Alice nodded enthusiastically. "Ah, yes! I remember him! He came over and complimented you on the show." She left once again, murmuring little comments to herself about the guest they had.

Rose felt herself slump into the wall again, feeling very drained. All she wanted to do was forget about it all. She didn't want to feel like she was out of control again, yet every time she met him he put her in that position without even realising. She knew hardly anything about him except the words they had exchanged that night, so why was he able to do such things. She didn't understand. She didn't know. The only thing she did know was that she had to cut any strings, right now. So she could continue without being put in such positions again.

With that thought in mind, she stood up straighter, checked her hair once more, and lifted her suitcase again, walking through into the living area to find Alice sitting on the couch, cup of coffee in hand, sitting opposite Emmett. She sighed internally. He looked great, he looked fine. His clothes were immaculate. His hair wasn't out of place. The only thing that gave him away to what he was feeling was that missing twinkle she'd grown to like so much. As she appear, she noticed him stiffen slightly, with his eyes locking on her form. He looked rigid now, and she suddenly felt bad about seeing him that way. She closed her eyes. _Stay strong, Rosalie,_ she told herself. _Stay strong._

She stood up after placing her suitcase beside Alice's. She smiled in his direction, trying to remain sane and normal. "Hello Emmett, lovely to see you again.' She looked towards Alice, who was looking at her sympathetically. 'Alice, just checking, what time did you say our flight was?"

Alice wasn't appearing to be getting the message. Here she was, sitting nursing coffee with the man she'd vowed to forget, when all she wanted was to run away and fast as she could to the airport and board a plane that took her home.

Alice looked at her disappointedly. "We have to be there in half an hour. The airport is only twenty minutes away, Rose. Getting a taxi will be easy at this hotel. So why don't you sit down, and greet your guest."

Rosalie again tried to get the message across to Alice through her eyes, but her friend was having none of it. She tried not to sigh, before turning and smiling widely at Emmett, looking at her with apologetic eyes. "Of course. How rude of me. I'm sorry. How are you?"

He placed his cup of coffee down on the table, and turned more fully towards her. "I'm… alright, I guess. I just needed to stop by this morning, to apologise for what happened that night. I felt terrible. The way Lauren acted---"

Rose held her hand up in protest, stopping him. "Don't worry about it. It's fine." She was stiff when she spoke, but couldn't help it. So many feelings were swirling in her body, and she couldn't follow one path. It was confusing to her; she'd never felt it before, and more than anything she wanted to forgive him properly. But she refrained.

Emmett turned to Alice, giving her a slightly meaningful look. This time, trust her, she understood without hesitation, and made up some excuse to leave the room. Rosalie glared in her direction, before turning back to Emmett, a picture of indifference.

He shook his head. "It isn't fine, Rose, and you know it. I want to know I wasn't… leading you on, or anything. It was messed up timing, truly. I would have told you about Lauren eventually. She just happened to turn up before I got a chance. She can be very---"

"Emmett! Stop, okay. Whatever happened, it doesn't matter anymore. I wasn't led on' I was a little bit, she thought in her head, but that comment remained silent. 'and timing gets messed up in this world. Stop worrying about it. Like I said, it's fine. And we… we can just carry on like it never happened. Because, let's face it, nothing did."

He looked like she'd just punched him in the gut. Whatever twinkle he'd had before was now long gone. He looked, literally, gutted. "Rosalie. You think… nothing happened?"

She looked away, searching for an escape route, most likely in the form of Alice; she was nowhere to be seen. "That's exactly what I think. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really need to get going---"

She made to move, but he caught her wrist, and brought his body closer to her. "Stop a second, because you are frazzling my brain.' _Ha, that's exactly how I feel too,_ her head replied. 'You think nothing went on between us. You didn't… feel anything. Because trust me, it's definitely there. You have to… feel it, Rose."

She regretfully pulled her wrist from his grip and tried to push past the feeling of loss. "Emmett, I believe it's better not to feel anything, than feel something at all. As for you, you shouldn't be feeling a thing. I'm not sure Lauren would be happy if she found out." She moved from the couch, shrugging her bag back onto her shoulder. "ALICE! We'd better go!"

No matter how much she tried to distance herself, he didn't let her escape. "This has nothing to do with Lauren! This is about you and me, and what I felt! I felt something that night; I can't be the only one."

She looked at him and watched how he pleaded with her. It reminded her of all the times she wished James would return and plead for forgiveness. Alas, that day never came. But she couldn't quite let go of what her mind was telling her, and right now it was begging her to leave. She needed to get away from all of this, if she was ever to sort out the bundle of emotions she was feeling.

Alice walked back into the room, now dressed in her coat, with her bag on her shoulder. She looked to and fro between the pair, and then sighed. She knew she couldn't prolong leaving any longer. They would be late for the airport checks if she did, and it seemed as if Rosalie had had enough time to change her mind.

Alice sent a sympathetic and sorry look to Emmett before turning to Rosalie with a smile. "Alright. I'm ready now. There'll be taxis downstairs, I'm sure. I'll just grab the keys and we'll go."

Rosalie held up the keys in her hand. "Already done! Come on, we've got a plane to catch."

Emmett broke in. "Okay, I know you are really busy right now---"

"We are."

"---and this probably isn't the right time to be talking---"

"Right again." Rosalie interrupted.

"---but it's clear we have things to sort out so please, take my card, and call me when it's appropriate." Emmett searched in is front pocket, produced a slick and stylish card, and placed it out in front of her for her to take.

She walked away, opening the door and ushering them out. "Emmett, I think we've sorted everything out that there was to. I do not need your card as we don't need to contact each other any further. We're sorted."

Alice grabbed her suitcase and followed Rose into the hallway, with Emmett trailing behind, slightly irritated at her quick manner, and a little dejected. Once they were both out, Rose locked the door and turned back to find the card in her face.

"I'm sorry Rose, but I disagree. In my opinion nothing is sorted yet---"

"EMMETT! Everything is sorted okay. We've established that we met two nights ago. We got talking, and yes, for your information it felt different talking to you. It felt as if you weren't just talking to me because I looked like one of the models you'd seen minutes before. It felt as if you weren't talking to me just for the sake of it, and it felt as if you were really listening. You made me open up without realising it, and believe that's a hard thing to do---"

"It really is, trust me." Alice slipped in on impulse.

"---and I felt something, something I can't identify, but I felt it anyway. However,' The hope settling in Emmett's eyes faded with those words. 'Lauren made it quite clear that you belonged to her. And that makes me confused as to why you are here anyway, if you are with another woman. So Emmett, if that hasn't cleared everything up with you, I don't know what will. All I know is that this,' She gestured between them. 'This… mucked us mess of a… friendship, relationship, flirtation, whatever you want to call it - is over."

She walked away as quick as she could and started down the stairs, tears pulsing in her eyes, Alice's footsteps close behind her. Those were the only footsteps she could hear. None of the thumping, happy footsteps Emmett possessed. In some ways, this disheartened her, but in others she was relieved. Maybe, just maybe, he was finally listening; he was finally leaving her alone.

She walked over to the desk, handed over her keys, and signed out, thanking the receptionists for a lovely stay. Then she walked through he lobby towards the doors, and the butler opened the front door letting the harsh November winds wrap around her tired, unhappy form.

Unluckily for her, there was no taxis left, and only people were walking across the street. The comfort of that yellow car was nowhere to be seen. She sighed, unable to keep her cool for much longer, and threw her suitcase to the ground, feeling Alice's presence beside her.

"You think I'm with Lauren?" A voice asked on her other side.

She knew who it was instantly. "What else am I supposed to think? The way she acted, like she possessed you, like she owned you. The way she said we'd never meet again, which clearly she was wrong about. I think you should just go back to your girlfriend Emmett. It's for the best. For both of us."

A moment of silence passed between them while Rosalie's eyes stayed firmly on the road, waiting albeit impatiently for a taxi to appear. Suddenly a blur of yellow struck past them and Alice's hand flew out alerting it to come their way.

A hand was laid on her arm, the warmth spreading through the fabric, onto her skin. "Lauren isn't my girlfriend. She's my annoying, and irritating cousin who likes to cling and calls me 'Darling' because she knows how much I despise when she does it."

Rosalie felt shock run through her. The man she thought was attached no longer seemed to be, and while he heart was overjoyed, her mind was still weary. She closed her eyes, a solitary tear taking the journey down her cheek. She felt choked, she felt happy, she felt relieved. So many things at once.

"Please, Rose. Reconsider, and take the card." Emmett placed the card into her hand.

Her fingers curled instinctively around the sharp edges of the paper, and she felt herself put it into her pocket. She didn't think. She just placed it there, instantly, not letting herself think.

She chanced a looked at Emmett. "I think you should go now, Emmett. We're leaving."

The taxi driver lifted both their cases, placing them into the boot of the taxi, and Alice slid into the car, with Rosalie following behind. She reached to close the door, but Emmett was too fast, keeping it open. "Will you call me when you get back to Forks?"

She closed her eyes, and without opening them she replied, "Goodbye Emmett." She fingers snatched at the door, pulling it quickly closed and milliseconds later the car zoomed from it's place on the curb into the street.

And with that, all ties were cut.

-.-.-

This place is amazing. The clearness of the sky, the brightness of the sun, the blueness of the sea, and the way that each thing on the earth seemed placed there with a purpose. It's so beautiful, and I just wish there was a way I could stay here forever, just me and Edward, and forget about everything else.

Don't get me wrong; I'm missing the others. The last 4 months have made me grow to love them and our group, and without Rose's sarcastic, witty comments, Jasper's cheeky grin and Alice with her incessant shopping trips it seems strange. But when I'm with them, I miss out on this. I miss out on spending time with the man I love, alone. Call me selfish all you want, but I need this. I need to be able to be with him, just him. So to me, this weekend has been perfect. I'd of liked it a little longer but hey, you can't have everything you want. Yet it was just enough, because I am starting to miss home.

This place is like a paradise, and is meant to be enjoyed. But the more I'm here, and the more I compare it with the things I'm used to, the more I don't feel like I… fit. The people here are lovely with their friendly faces and open expressions. They never have a bad word to say about anything mostly because there is virtually nothing to complain about, unless you get sunburn. Suddenly I begin to miss the groaning about the rain, how the local shop has a tiny piece of vandalism on the side, or how a 'hooligan' kicked my bin over in the street - let's face it, Forks isn't crime central, but Isle Esme is just too… pure. And the landscape has a certain perfect too, like God had planned it out entirely. Over the days I've found myself missing the fog, even missing the drizzling rain we get - something I've always hated.

Yes, this place is peaceful. Yes, this place is exotic. And yes, this place is beautiful. Isle Esme will always have a special place in my heart due to the new connection Edward and I have now that we've been here and been able to spend time together, but it doesn't quite share the homely feeling that I do with Forks.

It seems like I'm moaning, but I definitely don't mean to. Being on this island, as I've already mentioned, has given me experiences I will never forget. So I'll always be happy to come here again, if the occasion arises. And will miss this. Quite a lot, actually.

"What're you thinking about?" Edward's smooth voice enters my ear, while his arms wrap tightly around me, locking me into his embrace. Him with his possessiveness. I love it.

I'm currently in the garden, looking up at the house we've lived in the past few days. It really is beautiful, and has blossomed even more from the first time I saw it. Granted, it was very dark the first time I saw it, but it seemed to have a new lease of life now, due to the fact someone has lived in it albeit for only a little while. It stands tall, with the collection of trees shading it partly from the sun, and runs right onto the beach which was perfect for walks.

I sigh, leaning back against his chest, and settling into my own special place. "Nothing in particular. Just admiring how beautiful this place and this house is. I'll miss it when we leave."

I felt him nod his head on my shoulder. "So will I. It contains so many old memories, and now with you here, so many new too."

"That's nice. We'll be able to return here, together, sometime, won't we?" I ask. No matter how much it isn't Forks, I won't pass up another opportunity for coming.

Edward kissed my cheek. "Of course, anytime you wish."

I snuggle into him more. "Great."

We stand there for a little while longer, taking in the refreshing breeze. Apart from occasional kisses, and the hug we are participating in we communicate in no other way. Sometimes no words are needed, just the embrace is enough.

Eventually, I break the silence. "When do we have to leave?"

Edward tangles our arms and checks his watch. "In about an hour."

I nod. "Alright. I'd better finish packing." I leave him with a kiss on the cheek, lingering there for a second, before smiling at him and turning to leave, entering via the glass door, and climbing up the stairs heading for my surprisingly empty suitcase. What would Alice say?!

----

Edward watched her figure retreat from the garden and into the house. She sighed, happiness exploding all around him. The last few days had been wonderful, filled with more excitement, laughter and joy than he'd felt in years. He felt as if he'd woken up again, and was experiencing living for the first time. He would be continually thankful to Bella for that.

A few seconds later he followed the path she had created and entered back into the house, the sun disappearing from view and the coolness of the kitchen making him shiver. He moved around the room, putting things back into the right places as he went, Yes, Mary would clear up anything that was missed but she was elderly now and he wanted to help with whatever he could.

After clearing the kitchen the best he could, he moved into the downstairs bathroom to check if he'd missed anything. The opened drawers, cleaned the sinks again, and looked into the shower to check for left shampoo bottles.

Suddenly he felt a sharp pain oozing through his body, taking his breath away. He fell against the shower wall, aching from head to toe, clutching his chest with the pain. He bit his lips hard to refrain from crying out with the pain, not wanting to alert Bella. His breathing was jarred, his legs shaking, and the pains in his chest were like spikes prodding into his heart.

The pain continued for a few more minutes, with it easing as time went on. His breathing was hard and he fought for the breath he needed, slowly regaining his breath and strength. His head collapsed against the wall, and he panted. He hated the bouts of pain he would experience. They always ruined the moments he enjoyed.

After a few more minutes, he found the strength to pull himself to his feet, using the wall as support. He sat down for a few seconds, waiting until he returned to normal. He didn't want Bella to be told of this, didn't want her to know of this at all. She'd worry, and that was the last thing he wanted. He could deal with this on his own, and face the consequences, again, on his own. Bella didn't need to be dragged down.

He stood up, glad to be on his feet again, and then, weary on his every move, he walked, slowly, up the stairs to find Bella. He concealed his worry when he found her at the top of the stairs, looking at a door she'd never been through during their stay.

"Curious, are we, my love?"

----

I jumped as I heard Edward's voice behind me, quickly turning and trying to look innocent like a child caught in the act of stealing from the cookie jar. I bit my lip containing my smile. As I looked at him I could sense something was different about him, and wanted to ask. But my curiosity as to the strange unknown door moved that thought aside.

I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. "Maybe a little."

He crossed the landing, a smirk on his lips, a chuckle emitted from them. He took my hand and entwined our fingers together. "Come on." He urged, and led me to the strange door, opening it for me to see inside.

It was a beautiful room, splashes of colour added to the walls, but it was obviously a boys room. Couches decorated the floor, piles of paper sheets decorated a desk, and in the middle of the room was the most beautiful piano I'd ever seen. A baby grand. It stood proud in the centre. I gasped as I saw it.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Edward asked from my side. All I could do was nod in response.

We walked into the centre of the room, and Edward lifted the cover, revealing the keys, ivory white, in all their glory. It looked untouched, and the only evidence that it had been played were the sheets of music stacked on the side.

"This was my piano for when I was staying here. I'd spend hours on end, sometimes all through the night, just playing and making up my own stuff. My parents bought it for me to tempt me to come here. I never needed tempting, I loved this place too much, but it was a nice attachment. A normal piano would have done, but they went all out, it seems. I'll treasure this piano until the day I die. It's special, you see.' He sat on the stool that occupied it, and patted the other side, making me sit there. His fingers played a small tune, with the music bouncing on the walls, until it echoed as the piece came to an end. 'Normally, though, I wouldn't let anyone else play it. But, if you'd like, because I love you so much, you can have a go."

I looked up at him in disbelief. The fact that he trusted me so much as to play something so special to him made me feel honoured. "Really? You'd let me?"

"Of course." He chuckled.

I laid my fingers onto the keys, settling my hands, before looking up at him. "I've been working on something, on the sly. I told you that one day I'd let you hear me sing something I'd made. I think today, is that day. Would you like to hear it? I think you'd like it. It's for you, after all."

His fingers caressed my cheek lovingly. "I'd love to. Please, play for me."

I needed no more encouragement. I sucked up my nerves, cleared my throat and began to play the piece I'd created, my voice coming through the music.

**"I never been who I wanted to be**

**I never felt completely free**

**No ones ever had all of me**

**Or made me feel so beautiful and sexy**

**No I'm flying like an airplane**

**Now I'm riding on the open range**

**Now I'm living out my destiny**

**I know the truth, I got it all in you and me…'**

I chanced a look at Edward's face, to find his eyes closed and a small smile playing on his lips. It helped me continue, knowing he was enjoying it.

**"I'm giving myself over to you**

**Body and soul**

**I'm giving it all**

**I'm giving myself over to you now**

**For the first time**

**I can stand in front of someone **

**Finally I can be me**

**I can just let my love spill over**

**I can cry, I don't have to lie**

**I can finally let someone all the way inside!"**

I gave it my all as I went into the last chorus, wanting him to feel the emotions I felt for him in the song. That's what the song meant. I was me telling him how much he meant to me, and how I was happily giving myself to him because I loved him so darn much. He meant the world to me, and if he didn't know that before, I hoped he knew now. I continued with the last chorus.

**"Handing myself over to you**

**Body and soul, I'm giving it all**

**I'm giving myself over to you**

**Oh, I'm giving myself over to you**

**Body and soul, yeah I'm giving it all**

**And I'm giving myself over to you now…"**

I ended the piece quietly, feeling the keys throb under my fingertips. My eyes were closed, and I dared to open them as the room quietened. I found Edward staring at me in amazement.

"That was… there aren't words to describe. It was perfection, and you played beautifully. The fact that that song was for me… wow, you've made me speechless."

I touched my hand to his cheek, feeling his stubble on my skin. "I hope you know now how much you mean to me. That was the purpose of it all."

Edward placed his forehead on mine. "I hope you know it's reciprocated."

I nodded. I did.

**A/N; I am typing out chapters until my fingers fall off it seems. I'm trying to make up for my loss of updates during my study time, until, of course, the studying appears again. This was much easier to write, but I'm putting that down to finally finding the rhythm I needed. This chapter was sort of bittersweet. As both their holidays end they are having to return to their old life. But they might not find it the same as it was before they left. Ha, I'm so evil. **

**Just as I'd (half) promised, you got another chapter this weekend. Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter; it's great to know you haven't left me. So please, for this chapter, which took my hours btw, please review!**

***SONG! 'GIVING MYSELF' by JENNIFER HUDSON.**


	30. Twenty Nine

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine.**

Journeys home are always bittersweet to me. They seem like they will never come, and then, in the blink of an eye, you are being transported back to your old life; the one you left behind. No matter how hard you try to stay in the moment, you have to go back at some point. Even if you are trying to run for something, you will always end up where you began at one stage in your life. I wasn't running from anything; I had nothing to do the running from. But somehow, in the back of my mind, on this plane ride home with my hand firmly grasped in Edward's I felt change in the winds. Something, and I didn't know what, was going to happen. And it was going to happen to us.

It's an un-nerving feeling, knowing change is going to happen and not knowing what to expect. It nips away at your flesh, the anticipation rising within you, and makes you begin to dread. Your mind goes on forever searching for clues you know you'll never find, and yet it still goes on. Searching. Searching. All you can grasp is black space. You are unprepared, and you know it.

I am trying, desperately so, to get this feeling out of my system. It never does me any good to worry over things I cannot control. But when something is eating you up so feverishly, it is hard to give up. Yet I must, because it will only lead me further into trouble when this… event happens. I wish Alice was here; she psychic powers would know something.

Edward's thumb circles around my skin, taking me from my thoughts. He leans in and kisses just under my ear. My emotions are heightened, and that does no good, especially since I'm on a plane, which people around. But I lean in further, as I can never deny Edward anything, and he sighs against my cheek. "Are you alright? You seem… tense somehow."

I shrug, trying to be nonchalant. "It's nothing. I'm fine. I guess I'm just jittery about arriving home."

Edward's chuckle is music to my ears. "There's nothing to be 'jittery' about, my love. Everything will be as it was before we left, which was only days ago. The only thing that has changed, it that my love for you is stronger than ever, and your wardrobe may have increased."

I feel my heart expand with love for the man on my side, and a dreamy smile fixes itself onto my face… until I catch up with the rest of his sentence. "Excuse me? What about my wardrobe? How will it have expanded!?"

I can't keep the hysterical tone out of my voice. I have never been one for shopping, or anything to do with clothes for that matter; it makes me even more uneasy to think of things we touched, or added to. I look up sharply to see twinkling stars in Edward's fabulous eyes. "Well, you see, we've let Alice loose in New York for three days, and who do you think would have been her first victim…"

I groaned, burrowing my head into Edward's neck as if he could protect me from Slice's shopping-fuelled wrath. His hands moved to my hair, stroking downwards, while his chest rumbled with laughter. He kissed my forehead. "Don't worry. It can't be that bad, don't you think?"

I shrugged again. "You can say that again. You're not the one it's happening to."

He shook his head. "You may complain about it now, my love, but I think we both know how much you'd miss her if she wasn't around. Or am I mistaken about your close friendship with my sister?"

I smiled, thinking about my best friend; the pixie. "You're right, once again. She'd my best friend. But god… can she shop or what?!"

Edward laughed. "Just one of the things we love about her."

He was right (when isn't he?). I would miss her so much if she was gone. Even over this short weekend, I've missed her high pitched voice, harebrained ideas, and slight obsession. And the fact that she was making my best friend Jasper happy made me even more happy to be able to call her my friend. The whole group were, and always would, be my backbone, through anything, and I knew that was true. So no matter what this… thing going around my head was about, I knew I wouldn't be alone during the process. And I also knew that no matter how bad it was, the bond we all have together would never, ever break.

-.-.-

Rosalie felt her eyes settle on the place she called home once again. She felt that familiar feeling of warmth and homeliness erupt inside her, as it always was after a time away, even if only for a few days. The taxi slowed, coming up into the curb and stopping in front of her gate. Alice reached over and gave her a side hug, which she returned.

Alice looked up at her, concern in her eyes. "Now, are you sure you're gonna be okay? I hated seeing you like that Rose, all teary eyed and broken. Promise me you'll call around later and meet with us all."

Rosalie fought back the memories of the last twelve hours, and nodded, trying to stop those thoughts floating in her head. She patted Alice's hand in thanks and appreciation. "Don't worry, Alice. I'll be fine. I'm gonna go inside, unpack my stuff, have a nice relaxing bath, and then come over to your and celebrate having us all back together." She put on a bright smile to wash away her friends fretting.

Alice smiled. "That sounds like a good plan, my dear. You go do that, while I go and kiss the face off that boyfriend of mine."

Rose laughed heartily, covering up the crushing feeling she felt in her heart. "You go do that. I'll see you later, okay?"

"You will." Alice replied, while Rose stepped out of the car. The driver went around the other side, opening the boot of the car and retrieving her suitcases, letting them thud to the floor ready for her pick up. She curled her hands around the strong plastic and made her way up to her front door, giving a small wave to Alice, left behind in the back seat of the taxi. She watched as the taxi became a blur of moving yellow as they sped away, and she felt herself sigh. No more facades. No more pretending. Just her, and her thoughts. Maybe that wasn't a good thing…

She searched for her keys in her bag, feeling her hands touch the cold metal, before taking them out an slotting them into her door. The click sounded, and the door inched open slightly, revealing letters and bank statements. She heaved her suitcases into the hall, dumping them there to be left until she could find the strength to tidy. Right now, she felt worn out. Shrugging out of her coat, letting it fall to the ground along with her bag, she picked up the letters and moved as she flicked through them into the kitchen. She sat herself down at the stool and looked at them more closely.

"Bank…Advert… Bank… Dance… Advert…Advert…Never anything interesting." She spoke to herself, wondering if this was her unique way of putting off thinking. She knew that once she began, and let her thoughts wonder all hell would break loose and she'd crack. If there was one thing Rosalie didn't like to do, it was crack.

She pushed the pile aside, letting her elbows rest on the counter while her head thumped into her outstretched hands. Such a big mess. Such an unavoidable mess. She wished she could run away from it all, or better still go back to the moment she'd first met him and change something… anything… to make this go away. Yet in the back of her mind she was conscious that she would have met him at some point, and maybe not just by chance. There was something that seemed to pull them together. Something she wanted to break. Because if there was one thing she knew, something she knew well, it was wanting something never got you far. If you got what you wanted, it doesn't fulfil expectations, and it just makes you unhappy. It was better off taking what you got than wishing.

She rubbed her eyes, feeling sleep begging her to go to her bed. But she fought it. Sleep was such a waste of time when there were some many other things more worth while to do. She ran her hands through her hair in an act of frustration, and sighed. Coffee. She needed coffee.

She got up, taking herself to the counter opposite and began making coffee. Half way through he process, she was hunting for a spoon. She opened the drawer, and was digging through her cutlery, when her eyes caught something. A small, jagged edge of white card poked out of her jeans pocket. A tiny bit of writing, in large block capitals read ---**RTHY**. Her heart began to beat quicker, traitorously. Her eyes began to water, traitorously. Her hands shook with emotion, traitorously. Why, oh why, did she have to react to him like this? And he wasn't even here in the flesh. Her shaking fingers took the small card out of her pocket, holding it up into the light until the black dried ink glistened like a forming sweat. Tears streamed from her cheeks, a few solitary drops landing on the card, making the ink swirl. She took the few steps to the fridge, lifted a magnet, and stuck it to the fridge. She didn't even need to think about it. All she was that someday, however soon that may be, she'd need him, even if she wasn't ready to admit it now.

And with that thought gracing her mind, she sank to the floor, a sad and broken mess, with any notions of unpacking and having a bath thoroughly banished from her mind.

----

Jasper stood on the front step of Alice's house, his foot tapping impatiently for his girlfriend's arrival. He'd never known he could miss someone so greatly. His fingers tingled with anticipation of her touch, his lips quivering and begging to be placed with hers again. If anyone had told him he'd have fallen this much in love with someone six months ago, he would have told them where to go. Yet here he was, five months down the line, waiting for his girl to arrive back into his arms.

Staying with Charlie had been great, but a part of him hadn't been there. If seemed like he'd sold half his soul when he'd first glimpsed Alice, and since then he'd only been 'whole' when she was near. His mind was always half away. His actions were only half there. During the football his mind would go off on tangents, thoughts of Alice clouding his brain. He didn't seem hungry, and the last two nights had been sleepless because he'd missed the warmth of Alice's body curled into his. If Charlie had noticed, he hadn't mentioned it, but it was pretty easy to spot. He was yearning for her.

Suddenly, like someone above had been listening to his pleas, a bright yellow taxi shot around the corner, speeding down the lane to the bottom where Alice's house was situated. It skidded to a halt, jerking slightly, before the engine was cut and both doors opened. He was vaguely aware of the driver coming out and going to the boot, but all he saw, and all he wanted to see, was the small but beautiful creature running towards him like she was on fire, burning for his touch as much as he was hers. His arms spread like an eagle, waiting for the bundle of energy to collapse into him. Soon enough she had fitted herself perfectly into his arms, clinging on tightly as if life depended on it.

She stood up on her toes, pressing her forehead against his, and looked directly in his eyes. "I've missed you." It was simple, to the point, and those three words reassured him of their shared admiration for each other. His pulled her tighter to him - if that was humanly possible - and their eyes stayed lock, with no other words going between them for the moment. They looked into each others souls, and that was all that was needed.

Finally, the need to touch was too great for them both, and their lips collided together.

"You have no idea how much I love you, Alice. You really have no clue. Jeez, I had no idea I could miss someone this much." He whispered with feeling as he pulled away.

Alice smirked. "I think I have some idea. The feeling's mutual."

Jasper answered with a smile, before their lips began to do the talking once more. A loud, albeit irritating cough sounded around them. It was ignored. It came again, and with a groan, they separated.

Alice turned to see the culprit. "Yes?" She asked, annoyed at the disruption.

The taxi driver blushed. "Not that I want to stop the lovely reunion, but I need paid, and you need to collect your bags, Miss."

Alice giggled, a pinkness forming on her own cheeks, and she shook her head. She glanced back at Jasper, who was grinning from ear to ear. "Sorry. I seemed to have gotten a little… distracted." She walked over, retrieved her bags and handed him his money. She patted his arm. "Keep the change; you're a good driver."

He nodded, pride shining through his eyes at the compliment. "Why, thank you Miss. Have a nice day. I'm sure you'll enjoy it." He added cheekily, with a sly glance at Jasper.

Alice shook her head. "Goodbye." She hauled her bags up the path, with Jasper running and helping her with the heavier ones. After she had found her key in her overly large bag, she opened the door and left the bags at the door, turning back to Jasper.

She stood with her hands on her hips. "Now. Where were we?"

Jasper never replied. He simply picked her up and they fumbled together in their passion to get to her bedroom.

----

Rosalie walked up the path to Alice's house, feeling slightly better in herself, however the ache in her heart still remained. It just wouldn't leave her, and she knew she had to do something about this. Eventually it would become too much for her. She suspected that she'd felt something for him since their first meeting. Something as large as this couldn't have happened in a few days. It was ironic that the day he swept into her life was the day she'd opened up to Bella. But, she had to believe that things happened for a reason, and that maybe there was something good going to come out of this. She couldn't hope.

But tonight she would be reunited with her family; her group of friends she wouldn't swap for the world. They kept her strong, they kept her together, and they were in a sense all she had left. Her parent's were no longer living, and after her incident with James she'd kept herself to herself, barely letting anyone in. She was thankful that Alice had broken through her barriers a days a few years ago, and that now she had people she could depend on. Hopefully tonight would be such a good reunion she wouldn't have time to feel the burn in her heart.

She rose her free hand to the door - the other clutching a bottle of chilled wine. A shout from inside, sounding like Jasper, told her it was open and just to come on in. She let the door open, before shutting it behind her and trailing through to the kitchen.

She was met with an adorable, but heartbreaking sight. Alice was curled up in Jasper's arms, her head resting in the space between his neck and shoulder, a contented smile lighting up her face. Jasper's arms stayed tightly around her, and there was an unmistakeable sparkle in his eye that had no doubt vanished while his girlfriend wasn't there. It was beautiful to see them this way and she only wanted happiness for her friend; a friend who had waited long enough to find a man who would treat her right. But she couldn't help the flow of jealousy filling her up. She wanted that. She wanted to be held close. But when she thought of that she only thought of one person and shot her thoughts down once again. She pushed the jealousy beside - the green monster was never a nice thing to have - and stuck a smile on her face.

She held up the bottle of wine excitedly. "I got the drink!"

Alice smiled from her position, before adding with just as much vigour. "And I ordered the food. Chinese okay? I ordered for you, you usually have the same every time anyway."

Rose nodded, feeling the night pulling together nicely. She placed the wine on the coffee table before shrugging off her jacket. "That's fine. Gosh, I am so ready to eat. The food you get on planes just isn't really enough, don't you think…"

Jasper nodded. "Oh yeah. That stuff isn't even food. It comes from boxes and tastes like plastic."

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Jas. Really."

Alice giggled. "Hush. Now all we need is for the happy couple and then we can get this party started."

Jasper leaned in and kissed her temple. "They'll be here soon.' He turned to Rose, raising his eyes to heaven. 'She's been like this since she got home. All… bouncy and excitable."

Alice pushed his shoulder while she shuffled from his lap. "You weren't complaining earlier." She said pointedly.

Rose placed her hands on her ears. "Please! I do not need to know what went on when Alice got home. Leave out all the lovey dovey details, gosh. Where are those two?"

It was at that moment that bright lights shone through the curtains in the living room. They highlighted the arrival of a taxi, grinding to a halt in on the gravel surfaces outside. The slam of doors, and opening of boots could be heard outside in the reasonably silent night. Excited whispered voice echoed from the taxi, and then eventually the knocking on the door signalled they were home.

Alice jumped from her position, fleeing into the hall and throwing the door open in her haste. She screamed, "Ah! I'm so glad you're home!"

She rushed to Bella, throwing her arms around her and holding her as close as she could. Edward stood at their side, watching the interaction. He was so pleased Bella got on well with his sister. Alcie pulled back and gave another, slightly less crushing hug to Edward, as she pulled back giving him a stern look, questioning him silently. He shrugged, and her eyes darkened with sadness. She had hoped he hadn't gone through the pain again. She put a smile quickly on her face and turned back to see Bella reuniting herself with the others. Alice clapped her hands again. "Come on! Come on! Get in; it's cold outside and we have so much catching up to do!"

A few minutes later the bags had been left in the hall and everyone had sat themselves down in the living room, piling onto the chairs and sofas. Jasper smiled at Bella and Edward, curling together in one of the chairs, with Bella sitting on his lap. "So, how was Isle Esme?"

Bella began to gush. "Oh my gosh. I've never been to such a beautiful place, ever. Remember that time we went on a holiday to that water resort in Florida, Jas? It was better. And I thought that was such an amazing place. But seriously, it kills me to know there are so many people oblivious to it's beautiful scenery and water. It's just gorgeous. And the house! You should live there permanently. The décor, everything was ---"

Edward interrupted. "Basically, we had a great time."

Bella smiled shyly. "Yeah. Sorry, I just got carried away."

"You got that right!' Rose added with a laugh. 'But I'm glad you enjoyed it. It sounds absolutely magical. Hey Alice! Why haven't we all gone before. You know, as a group? The way Bella describes it makes me wanna go."

Alice shrugged, smiling. "Well, it is beautiful. But my me and Edward, it means something special. I guess for such a long time I refused to share the place where so many memories had been made. When Edward mentioned he wanted to take Bella, that was fine. It was time one of us went back there anyway. But, In the near future, I wouldn't mind going again. Maybe we can all go, if we have a special occasion."

Bella grinned. "Oh yes! I'd love to go back."

Rosalie, who as sitting beside Alice, nudged Alice in the side, grabbing her attention. "Well, next time we go to New York Alice, don't you think we should take Bella?' As the words left her mouth, so did Bella's cheerful smile; it changed to something of a grimace. 'There is so much fashion. And the city is wonderful. I'm sure you'd enjoy it."

Bella smiled, before adding sarcastically. "I'm sure I would. All the clothes… oh, it's making me excited already.' The group laughed. 'But seriously, you two. Did you enjoy my present? Alice, did you like your birthday treat?"

Alice nodded, smiling in thanks. "It was spectacular Bella. I can't thank you enough. The show was brilliant, with so many old as well as up-coming designers. And the shopping in New York never fails to please."

"What about you Rose?" Bella prompted, seeing a faraway look in her eye.

She snapped out of it quickly. "Me? Oh, I enjoyed it a lot. Like Alice said, the fashion was amazing to see. If you want to see fashion, you go there. And the rest of the stay was quite… enjoyable."

Bella smiled. "I'm glad you enjoyed it.' She turned to Jasper. 'Jas, how was my Dad? Is he taking his medication at the right times? Is he managing with the laundry? He'll not have eaten much, will he? I'll have to pop in later--"

"Bella!" Jasper shouted to get her attention. 'Your Dad is fine. I can't believe you think I wouldn't take the best care possible of the man I think of as my own father. He took his meds, eat at least four times a day, dealt with the laundry and managed to drink many a beer during a game of footy. He's fine."

Bella seemed to calm down. "Good. Good. I was worried, you know. I'm always on edge whenever I have to leave him, after what happened…" Her hand unconsciously moved to clasp her cross necklace, letting it swing on the golden chain.

Edward kissed her ear - the only place he could reach. "I told you everything would have gone okay. You worry far too much."

She blushed. "I can't help it. I---"

The doorbell rang.

Bella threw her hands up in exasperation. "Why am I always interrupted!"

The group laughed, while Alice got up and billowed to the door, shouting 'Food!' all the way there.

-.-.-

When I woke up the next again morning, having stayed at Edward's after our get together, I felt something touching my neck. It fluttered on a trail, heading towards my lips, and I turned, somehow wanting it to continue it's journey. It was only when I heard that familiar, heart-warming chuckle that I knew what was happening.

A smile spread onto my lips as I moved my body closer to Edward's. "You're a tease." I murmured sleepily.

His fingers traced down from my temple to my lips, with my leaving a morning kiss on the pad of the finger. He leant down and gave my a kiss on my forehead to get even. "I'm the tease?! You shouldn't look so beautiful in the morning sun, and then I wouldn't have to force you to wake, just so I can see those lovely eyes, which have still yet to appear.

I giggled, now purposely keeping my eyes closed. His thumbs grazed over the soft skin of my eyelids, prompting them open on their own accord. He smiled in return. "Ah, you see. Beautiful."

The skin of my cheek burned. "What time is it?"

He leant over me to check the time on the clock. "Around half eight." When I listened closely enough I could hear people banging around downstairs, Alice's too chirpy voice floating upstairs, with Rose's grumpy morning groans - she slept over too - coming afterwards. It was comforting to know not all people were morning people.

I turned back to Edward, feeling his gaze on me. My hand moved up to go through his hair, feeling the locks stick up on end, making my laugh. "I'd better get up; I wanted to go home to check up on the mail and things, before going to see my father."

Edward held my closer and the mention of leaving. "No. Don't. Stay. Here."

I nuzzled my face with his. Could he feel that our parting would be the beginning of that 'something happening' too? One part of my told me this was it. This was the ending moments before the storm. But I forced myself to push those thoughts aside. Life had to carry on as normal. "Don't worry, I'll be back soon." I told him, hoping it would be true.

He kissed me a final time, before letting me scuttle from under the warm sheets into the cold air of his bedroom.

----

It felt like forever since I had been home. Since being with Edward I had spent most of my hours with him, being taught piano at his house, or just hanging out with him. And as I turned the lock, opened the door and saw the large amount of mail I was well aware I hadn't been here for a long time. I remember the moments before going away, just pushing the main under the doormat for another day. That day would be today.

I picked it all open, made a cup of coffee, and settled onto the sofa before opening them. The first few were bills which I had to remember to pay. Another few from companies I didn't wish to know. And then my hands fell on an light blue envelope, a scrawl I recognised but couldn't place writing my address. Curious, as always, I dropped the others onto the floor, and flipped it over, opening it.

I brought out the letter, also on light blue paper, and the writer became recognisable as soon as the first words passed my eyes.

_My darling daughter Bella,_

_I can't believe I'm writing to you---_

Neither can I. My eyes scan the rest, utter shock passing through me. Years, it had taken. Years, since I had left to come to live with my father. I had waited literally years to hear from her, as the last I'd heard from her was her living in Australia. But here I was, holding a piece of paper which had been held by those exact hands themselves; the hands of my mother.

Only one other sentence caught my eye.

_I'm coming to visit you, and hopefully I can stay with you for a while. If that's alright---_

My heart started beating irregularly. My breathing contracted.

The paper fell from my hands. This couldn't be happening, could it?

The doorbell rang, and through the haze I managed to get up and answer.

I came face to face with a replica of myself, only twenty years older.

It was heard to breathe, but I made it.

"Mum?"

A/N; And so Renee enters the story, and the drama begins to unfold. Oh, I feel mean ending it there, but that was the plan. I'll go hide from the tomatoes you're throwing at me now. :P

I really am trying, you know, to make this the best story I can possibly write. It takes a lot of time, and patience - on my part as well as yours - to piece together chapter to chapter. I want to make it as real as possible, and only time can let me do that. I hope you are willing to keep waiting for these chapter updates; I appreciate all readers/reviewers. So, with that said, until the next time (I'm going as fast as I can), please review!


	31. Thirty

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Thirty.**

"Mum?"

Her eyes flitted up to the face of her daughter, the look of shear shock on her beautiful face making Renee's heart squeeze. It had been too long since she'd seen her daughter. She'd grown up and was no longer the young girl she used to know. Things about her were different, some were similar to how they had been before. But one thing was still the same; she was Bella, with her intrigued eyes and smiling nature. Yet at that moment her mother could see none of those things, only hurt and confusion in her brown orbs.

She looked down again, regaining her strength before looking back up to her daughter's face. "Hello, Bella." She uttered, unsure of how this conversation would go. She'd gone over her words a thousand times and had determined many reactions of how Bella would be, but as she stood here all of it flew out the window and she was on her own, with the only thing keeping her here being that there was nowhere else to go. Mother and daughter were different; one was able to forgive easily, the other wasn't; one was able to admit she was wrong, the other wasn't. Renee had always found that hard.

She watched as her daughter blinked, almost as if she was checking Renee was real, and then her palms which had been holding the door open began to shake. Bella had always kept things inside; that was one of the reasons she was so hard to read. Renee couldn't make out what she was thinking, although that was no surprise to her, she hadn't seen her child in years. She was a completely different person now; her own being.

Renee looked down at her hands, fiddling with her fingers, the straps of a duffel bag stuffed full making red marks across her skin. The silence around them started to hurt her - surely there were things that had to be said. Then she looked at it from Bella's perspective and saw how unreal this would seem to her, and took the first step. "May I come in, Bella?"

She watched as her daughter eye's moved from her face, to the ground, to the bag, and to her face again. Her shocked expression seemed to soften, and her hands, still shaking slightly at the enormity of this situation, and then she moved to let Renee through. She coughed, before whispering. "Of course. Sorry, please come in."

Renee smiled politely, still unsure of how to act around her own child whom she hadn't seen for years. She picked up her duffel bag gingerly, eying her daughters reaction, and then squeezed past, into Bella's house. She stood in the hall, looking around in a strange sort of awe. Her baby was all grown up. She'd made a wonderful home for herself, all by herself, and Renee suddenly realised how much she wasn't needed here. She hadn't been needed at all. Bella had always been strong and independent. It has always been Renee who needed the helping hand. She was the child, Bella was the adult. And now Bella really was an adult. As Renee looked from the ceiling to the floor and into all the nooks and crannies she noticed specks of Bella's personality all over.

She dropped her bag near the stairs and turned around to see Bella watching her carefully. She smiled tentatively, and gestured to the room. "You've made a lovely home here, Bella. It really suits you."

Bella nodded, before closing the door. "Thank you. It took a while to get it the way I wanted it, but I like how it is now.' Bella shrugged, before laughing, somewhat reservedly. "This is home for me now. I've lived here for a few years, after I moved out of Dad's."

Renee felt her heart clench and her body wake up at the sound of Charlie, but quickly put it away. Bella beckoned her through to the living room, and told her to sit down. She took a seat on the sofa, looking around the room curiously, picking out pictures and objects. On the mantel piece there were three frames. One held a picture of Bella, Charlie and Jasper. Another had a picture of Bella with two girls she didn't recognise, and the other held a picture which told Renee her girl had a man in her life. Motherly instinct set off in her veins, making her want to question her daughter, until she remembered she had no right to question anything in Bella's life now, after she had left Bella all those years ago.

Bella stood awkwardly, watching her mother look around. Her hands slipped into her jean pockets, her legs shifting on the spot. She coughed lightly, getting her mothers attention. Bella's lips upturned a little. "Can I get you something to drink? A coffee?"

Renee nodded with vigour. Plane refreshments were never the best. "Yes, Bella, please. A coffee would be just great right now."

She could tell they were both stalling; it was obvious and plain to see. It was only a matter of time before she would be questioned on her motives, and would have to explain everything, from the beginning to the end. It would be hard, but Bella deserved to know why she was here.

She listened carefully, hearing Bella's footsteps on the linoleum flooring and spoons dancing along the rims of cups. Bella's voice filtered through the soft noises. "You take milk and sugar, right?"

Renee momentarily brightened at the thought of Bella remembering something about her. She nodded, then replied. "Yes, thank you…" Adding an endearment to the end of the reply would only make matters worse, she knew. They weren't at the stage of comfort yet. She hoped that during her stay they would be able to built bridges, and maybe reclaim her right to be a motherly figure to her daughter.

A few minutes later, Bella ventured back into the room with two cups of coffee. She moved to the other side of the room, placing one down on a small table, before taking another table from the corner to where her mother sat and placed the coffee on a mat. She smiled at her mother, who replied in thanks, and moved back to sit herself in her armchair, nursing her cup of coffee.

A silence began to hang between them, like a wall waiting to her broken. Renee sipped her coffee, before letting the bricks fall to the floor. "You always did make a good coffee, Bella. I always remembered that, and when I was in Australia ordering coffee I would think, 'They won't be able to make it as good as my Bella'--"

"Mum, why are you here?" Bella's voice interrupted, and the unanswered question snaked around them both. There it was, the unavoidable question. And now it was time to answer.

Renee settled her cup down on the table, before looking her daughter in the eye. "I'm sorry I came so unannounced. I told you in the letter I presumed you would get but judging by your surprised reaction I guess it never arrived."

Bella shook her head. "No, it did arrive. I've been away this weekend, and I just got back literally minutes ago. You rang the bell when I opened your letter. Believe me, it was quite a shock to hear you were coming and then open the door to find you standing in front me, especially when I thought I'd never see you again…"

Renee's throat choked. "Oh, Bella. I've been such a terrible mother, haven't I?! I never thought of what was best for you, and did so many selfish things like leaving you with Charlie just so I could marry Phil and move to Australia with him. But now I don't have anyone to rely on, and the first person I thought of was you."

Bella placed her mug down, trying not to feel sorry for her mother who had left her. She curled her legs up to her chest, and settled back. "I think you need to start from the beginning Mum, so I can get the whole picture."

Renee moved to mirror Bella's position and began her story. "After I left you with Charlie, I went back to Jacksonville and we decided to get married. He said that there was nothing stopping us now; nothing stopping us from continuing with our lives. He talked as if you have been weighing us down, when I had never thought that Bella - you must believe me. But I loved him, and I wanted us to have a future, so I thought 'Why not? Let's get married.' I believed it'd be for the best. Well, we got married, and then he wanted to move. That's when we went to Australia."

Renee stopped for a second, gathering herself and watching Bella. Her daughter was listening, that was for sure, and it felt nice to have someone listen to her for a change. It had been so long since she had been treated with respect.

She took another sip of coffee before continuing. "It was all very lovely at the start. We went over there for a holiday, looked at a few houses, bought one; generally just enjoyed the honeymoon stage of our relationship. I was so happy with everything, so I quit my job happily, Phil got a place with a baseball team in Sydney, and things were looking great. And before we left, I called Charlie for the last time.' She looked to Bella, straight in the eye. 'That really broke my heart. Cutting all strings with my own daughter, watching her fade away in my mind; it hurt, badly."

Bella breathed deeply, turning her head to the window. "Mum, you weren't the only one who was hurt here. I was shipped away, told I'd always be visiting you for holidays and that it's be 'a nice change' to live with my Dad. The next thing I know my mother is moving to another continent. It wasn't the most pleasant of experiences."

Renee ran her hands through her hair. "I know it'll take time for you to heal. I know I me wounds for you in this subject, and seeing me again is opening them up once more for sure. But I'm hoping, so badly Isabella, to make amends with you. Even if I can get you to look at me without it hurting you, that's a step. I'm trying, and I'm willing to try my best to make you trust me again."

Bella looked down into her lap; anywhere but her mother's face. "I know you're trying, I can tell. But you've got to understand this from my point of view. It's going to take time; please give me this much.' She looked up, saw her mother nodding, and then smiled slightly. 'Please continue."

Renee nodded again, turning into the couch more. "A few weeks after that, we had everything ready and packed. We were ready to start our new lives. We shipped our stuff across, boarded that plane, and I left everything behind. But at the time it didn't matter to me; nothing mattered except Phil's happiness. That's what happens when you're in love; you'll give anything to make that person happy, even if it's not the best thing for you, or what you really want.' She gave Bella a meaningful look, then went on. 'The we moved in, got acquainted with the neighbours, and everything was going just fine. Then Phil dropped a bomb on me; he wanted a baby."

Bella looked at her mother, especially her body, looking for any signs of pregnancy. Then she looked in her mother's eyes, and she shook her head. "I couldn't do it, Bella. Every time I thought of a child I saw you. It hurt so badly that I couldn't bring myself to give Phil what he wanted. But I couldn't bring another child into the world when all I could remember doing was throwing you away. I just… tried, but couldn't. Phil, obviously, didn't like this. He couldn't understand. So that's when he started to… abuse me."

Bella felt bile rise into her throat and had a hard time pushing it down. She was finding out this whole other side to her mother - the woman she had programmed herself to despise. She hadn't thrown Bella away and driven into the sunset, continuing with a perfect life with her perfect new husband Phil. She'd gone through trails, and hearing this made her opinion of her mother change. She wasn't sure if she could completely forgive her mother, but after everything Renee had gone through, she wasn't sure if she could push her away after this.

Renee pushed her sleeves up, showing ugly marks on her skin. "It went on for months, Bella. He marked me in ways I never thought he'd do. It wasn't just the rape - the desperate attempts on his part to get my pregnant - but it was the way he would kick me, punch me, hurt me. It made me want to run away. It made me want to return to the simple days when I would burn cakes with you, or the days when I would cuddle with your father.' Renee's heart began to break, and she found herself crying for everything she had lost. Her almost perfect life had turned upside down in seconds, it felt. She wiped the tears away, pushing her sleeves back down. 'There were days when I wondered if this side would have never appeared, had I agreed to try for a child. Maybe that would have made it better. But bringing a child into a world such as I was going through would have been terrible. I told him this… what I terrible thing to do. The beatings only got worse after that, and then he drank more, was out more, and I can almost definitely say he did drugs. It was heart wrenching for me to see him do this. I wanted to hate him, just couldn't."

As her mother poured out her heart, Bella couldn't help but match her mother's story up to Rose's. Both woman had been in love with men who had treated them badly. Rosalie had run away from the situation, and had been lucky enough not to have been traced. But had her mother ran away just like Rosalie, or was there more to her story? Bella's own tears that had fallen were wiped away as Renee began to finish her story.

"One time he went for days. I didn't see him for over a week. When he came home he was dirty, grimy, but he hadn't been drinking or doing drugs that day. I caught a glimpse of the man he'd been when I first fell in love with him. He had opened in her arms, and I, caught in the moment rushed into him. We had sank to the floor and he'd apologised for everything he'd done. He'd carried me to bed and we'd fallen asleep, curled together, just like old times.' Renee rose her head to look at Bella, gauging her reaction. 'I woke up the next morning to someone banging on the door. When I opened it, it was a policeman with a comforting face, eyes full of sadness. Phil was lying on the grass of our front garden, dead. People were examining the body, while all I could do was cry silently. I guess I felt I'd already grieved for him, and I'd already said my goodbyes. The man I had loved was nowhere to be seen, and his shell was dead and gone now."

Renee sniffed, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "The funeral was almost empty. We hadn't made very many new friends in Australia, and the one's back home hadn't heard from us since we'd arrived. Every day after that I received cards, sympathetic glances, tips on how to deal with death, and I just… I just couldn't do it anymore. I had to leave, I had to get away. Nobody understood that I'd already dealt with the "death" of my husband. He had already "died" in my eyes. So I turned to the one person I hoped could learn to trust me again. You.' She lifted her eyes back to Bella. 'Then I turned up at your door, you let me inside, gave me coffee, and asked about my story. I gave you it all, and now I'm hoping you'll take pity on me and let me stay for a while. Please?"

Bella wiped the tears flooding down her face, and nodded, standing and opening her arms up wide, wanting to hug her mother tightly. Renee took this gesture and hugged her back, noticing the chance Bella was giving her. She let the warmth and comfort flow over her, and whispered thank you over and over again.

Renee pulled back, and placed her hands lovingly on her daughters face. "I really am sorry for what I did all those years back. There isn't a day that goes by without me wishing I could change that. I've made so many mistakes."

Bella cocked her head to the side, grasping her mothers hands tightly. "Everyone makes mistakes, Mum. It's a part of being human. But know it'll take time for me to forgive you for those mistakes, okay? But I'm willing to try, if you will too. We can take time to get to know each other again, and then, over time, maybe become mother and daughter again."

Renee nodded, kissing Bella's cheek. "I'd like that. Thank you for the chance."

Suddenly the door began to ring and the two jumped apart with fright. Bella laughed slightly, before pointing to the door, "I'd better get that." Renee nodded in reply and watched as her daughter ventured into the hall.

Bella stood before the door, still reeling from everything that had happened this afternoon. The wind had changed so suddenly it was unbelievable. If someone had told her that she'd come face to face again with the mother today she'd have told them to get lost. But yet here she was. The bell rang again, alerting an impatient visitor. Without another thought she opened the door.

To see Edward on the other side, panic written in his eyes.

He stepped forward and drew her quickly into his arms, kissing her face all over, again and again. His arms were tight around her body, and she felt as if he thought she'd disappear. She laughed as his lips fluttered over her face. She grabbed his face in her hands tightly, stopping him, and looking into his eyes, a small smile on her face. "What's brought this on?"

He put her down, his hands moving to her own face, touching her, checking if she was still in one piece. He shook his head. "I was so worried. After you left Alice started cleaning, and Alice only cleans when she'd stressed or worried. When I asked her she said she not to be alarmed, so of course I went into panic. And then she said she thought something had happened here, so I ran all the way from mine, to thankfully, find your okay.' Edward was rambling and Bella smiled softly, finding it adorable he was so worried for her. 'You are okay, aren't you? Nothing's happened, right?"

Edward and Bella heard a soft cough to their left. Bella looked down to the floor, and Edward's eyes followed the soft noise. His eyes landed on a woman who looked exactly like Bella, only with a few more lines and slightly harder eyes, filled partly with pain, partly with amusement and partly with love. Edward looked back to Bella, who bit her lip.

Her hand gestured to the woman. "Renee, this is Edward, my boyfriend. Edward, this is Renee. My mother."

-.-.-

I looked across the table to see my mother and my boyfriend discussing classical music. My mother's knowledge of the subject was very limited in contrast to Edward, but they were both enjoying getting to know each other, with their eyes shining. I sat in the background reviewing the situation, and my mind was still trying to catch up. So many things had happened today, is seemed surreal. Today, I had met my mother after years of thinking she had left my life forever. Today the man I love met the same woman. And in a way I feel as if we are both meeting her for the first time. This is one scene I never thought I'd see.

If I'd ever let my mind wander and think about meeting my mother again, I never once thought I'd be at ease with her in my home. I thought it would be tight and awkward, but then again, I could never have imagined the pain she had gone through in the years we were separated. After hearing that story I couldn't be mad at her any longer. It would have been selfish on my part to keep grudges after that; right now she needs to be with people she can rely on. As her daughter I play that part well. And yes, I cannot fully trust her yet, but I will work through this. I will work until I feel that connection we once had reappear again.

Edward's hand lightly touches my fingertips, and I awaken from my thoughts. He smiles at me, and I can feel my Mum watching us together. Edward's smooth voice comes to me. "Are you alright, love?"

I shake my head, then nod. "Yes, I'm fine. It's been a long day that's all."

He smiles knowingly, before taking my hands in his and kissing each of my fingers. I smile, feeling my cheeks burn as a result of Renee watching. Edward then rests our entwined hands on the table.

Renee spins her finger around the rim of her wine glass, smiling knowingly at us. "You look very happy together. In fact, you remind me of what Charlie and I were like at first. Young and in love. It seems a perfect match."

Edward chuckles. "I happen to think so too, Renee. This girl here, she completes my whole life."

If my cheeks weren't burning before, they definitely were now. I raise our hands to my lips and leave a kiss on the inside of Edward's wrist. Then I stand up, gathering all our plates together and putting then through in the kitchen. I hear footsteps come after me and turn to see my mother standing there. She takes the plates from my hands. "You made the dinner, so I'll do the dishes.' I begin to refuse. 'Please, it's the least I can do since you're letting me stay."

I shrug my shoulders, thanking her with a smile, and make my way into the living room again to find Edward putting his coat on. I walk over and slip my arms around his waist from behind. "Leaving so soon?" I whisper into his shoulder.

He turns around and places a kiss on my forehead. "Afraid so. I don't want to intrude on your time with your mother, you know."

"You aren't intruding!" I exclaim.

He places a finger over my lips, silencing me. "Bella, it's fine. It's important to me that you do this, please. If I had another chance with my parent's I would spend every single seconds getting to know them again. I can see you want to be able to trust her again and the only way you'll do that is by spending time with her." He reasons well.

I rise up on my toes, kissing him as he walks to the door. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too, Bella, very much. And I understand if time for us is a little tight right now. I'll just… see you when I see you. This is important, okay."

I nod. "You're being very understanding about this. As the boyfriend aren't you supposed to try and persuade me to drop everything and come to you instead?" I remark cheekily.

He smiles crookedly, touching my cheek as I lean into him. "For tonight I'm playing the reasonable boyfriend okay. Be safe, and enjoy it."

I smile. "I will, I promise. I'll miss you, though. Don't expect me to stay away for too long."

He gives me one last kiss before whispering, "Goodnight, my love" and I watch him walk up the path and fade into the night. The upside to this situation is that I'm getting a second chance at having a mother again, but the downside is that I'm losing time with Edward.

So many new things are happening right now, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for this.

Because I don't think this is the only thing that is going to change.

I feel like more is to come.

This is only the beginning.

**A/N; Woah. What do you think of that? I told you the drama was gonna start happening. (: I hope I din't disappoint. So yeah, Renee is now in this story, and things will really start to get going from this moment onwards. I have interesting things to attack these characters with! **

**Now, you'll have realised that this chapter is shorter than most that I write. This is a new tactic I'm using. I'm hoping that by shortening my chapters it will be easier to update on a quicker basis. Exams are starting in two weeks and I'm revising my butt off right now, so writing 6000 word chapters isn't on my agenda. I'm sorry if this disappoints anyone, but it's what I'm having to work with at the moment. The upside of this is that as of the 20th of May I'll have TEN FREE DAYS to work on more chapters. Haha, not much, but better than nothing. **

**So with that said, please give me some motivation in the form of reviews! :D**


	32. Thirty One

**My Beautiful Disaster**

**Chapter Thirty-One.**

The last three weeks have been great. I'm finally feeling as if I haven't lost my mother completely, and although it's still a little awkward, it's definitely better than it was. We are finally settling into a routine; it was strange at first to not be the only person living in this house. For so long I'd been on my own, and now sharing it with my mother seems as if we've gone back in time. Like everything, it'll take getting used to.

As I'm letting her into my life, she's updating me with hers. I'd already learnt of the hardships she had faced after she left Jacksonville, but every so often she will tell stories of when things were alright between her and Phil. It seems like at the beginning they were really in love. But love changes people, and I've come to think it changed Phil completely. While most become more compassionate, and less anti-social, it seems like Phil changed in a bad way. Perhaps he wasn't ready for what he had taken on my getting married, and thought having a child would fix that and make him feel it was more worth while? Whatever it was, I'm not excusing him for what he did. His death was more of a blessing for Renee. Even after their last night together. No-one will ever know if he'd have changed after that night forever, or whether it was only a spell he went through.

My mother, on the other hand, will always carry a piece of that man with her. Where ever she goes there will always be small reminders of her past. It's the same for everyone - my first boyfriend Jacob still holds a place in my heart, even though I'm entirely in love with Edward now - but for my mother, it will be stronger, because of everything she went through. Sometimes when she talks of him she mentions of how she still loves him, but the real love for him has gone. It makes me wonder where that love has gone to. Has it moved to someone else? Or is she just kidding herself that she no loner loves him. I know what that feels like; kidding yourself that you don't love someone anymore just to try and rid yourself of the pain. Whoever she loves, her heart hasn't escaped that easily.

Over the past three weeks, I managed to get her out of the house and into the town where she had lived when I was first born. The shops in town had appeased us for only a short time before we began travelling through to Port Angeles, and the odd trip to Seattle. On other days we simply went out for coffee, chatting to catch up. Before long my mother began to want to meet my friends, so I had taken her to Rose's dance studio. We had walked in to see a very energetic dance being choreographed by Rosalie herself, and her dancers had been locked in concentration so hard that they hadn't noticed us come in.

Eventually Rosalie had noticed us and called a break. She had walked over, her feet flexing over the wooden boards, and she'd smiled happily, with only a trace of that sadness I'd seen when we returned in her eyes. I still hadn't questioned her on it; it was obvious that something had happened in New York. I had hoped it wasn't a run in with James.

My mother and Rose got along very well, their characters mixing to create a large bond. As I had watched them get to know each other it had struck me that they were more similar than they realised. I wasn't about to blab about each other their pasts, but they had bother been abused by previous lovers, both holding the scars either on their skin or in their hearts.

We had watched until the dance class had ended, absolutely speechless as to what we had seen. By the time it had finished it was almost dinner time, and I had promised to let Alice meet my mother, so Rose joined us. As we approached the hospital we saw a tiny ball of energy standing waiting, and as soon as she recognised us she ran over to us. She hugged each of us individually, even more mother, who had been very surprised by her sudden outburst of affection. But as they began to share interests my mother began to dote on her. It appears that if you have the Cullen pout, no-one can dislike you.

Alice had then invited us to her house for tea, which we all heartily agreed to. I was especially happy to go, as it had been over a week since I had seen Edward in the flesh. We had kept in constant contact over the phone, but it wasn't the same as seeing him in person. The thrill I got of being near him vanished when he wasn't there.

We had walked along, chatting casually, and I knew that my mother approved of my friends. None of them were treating her like she was older than them. Alice and Rose were letting her in as if she'd belonged there all along, and I was happy they felt so at ease with her. This was what my mother needed. A large support network around her. She says she has already grieved and doesn't need all the pity. But these people knew nothing about her past, and the comfort they were giving her without even knowing was proven by the twinkle I remembered returning to her eyes.

Half way along the road Alice announced she was going to find Jasper. My mother didn't comment. I wasn't sure if she remembered Jasper from when I had lived with her, or whether she was just assuming that this Jasper was someone else. Either way, she waved Alice off and continued conversing with Rose. If my thoughts were correct, and she didn't know Alice's Jasper was my best friend Jasper, then he wouldn't be the only one getting a shock tonight.

A few minutes later we had arrived at Alice and Edward's house, and he'd opened the door, his face happy, if a little shocked. Rose explained about Alice inviting us all to have dinner - we were getting Chinese - and he'd let us in, obviously happy for the extra company. While Rose began to show Renee around the house, Edward scooped me into his arms and held me tightly. I buried my head into his chest, inhaling his wonderful scent, while wrapping my arms fully around him. It was magnificent to be back with him again, but there was something different. He felt… different. As I leant up and kissed him with all I had I couldn't shake the feeling that there wasn't as much of him as I once remembered. Once we had broke apart, I stood back slightly, and looked him up and down.

I arched an eyebrow. "Edward?"

His hand cupped my cheek, forcing my eyes back to him, deliberately. Almost as if he didn't want me to look at him. I shook this thought off. He answered, "Yes, love?"

I looked deep into his eyes, searching for the answers. "You've lost weight. There isn't as much of you as there once was. It's as if your muscle has gone."

He looked down at himself, chuckling almost stiltedly. "Do I? I hadn't noticed. Will you not love me as much if there isn't as much muscle there as normal?" He asked cheekily, knowing full well what the answer would be. I tried to ignore the darkness under his eyes and the paleness of his skin; that would only add to my rising anxiety.

I shook my head. "Of course not, you fool. But it isn't right. You should see someone…"

He moved his other hand to cup my face and pulled me forward so his face was directly above mine. His eyes dazzled me. "Hush. I'm fine; stop worrying. Now, we'd better order that Chinese."

The rest of the night had been just as wonderful as I'd imagined. I told myself to stop all the needless worrying about Edward, and that it was just my over active imagination. It was nothing. After I finally believed myself, I let myself enjoy the night. Everything was perfect. Jasper and Alice had turned up about twenty minutes later. I can vividly remember the picture of Jasper and Renee looking at each other. Renee's hand flew to her mouth in amazement, murmurs of 'It can't be' coming from her in muffled noises. Meanwhile, Jasper's eyes had turned to saucers. He had turned to me, pointing at Renee. 'Really?' he had said. I had nodded, he'd shaken his head, and turned back to my mother with a smile on his lips, slightly tight. After they had hugged he had pulled me into the kitchen where I retold the story. Jasper understood, and the night went on as planned. There was fun, there was laughter, and most of all, there was happiness.

I don't think I've had a better night than that.

The next week flew by, with fleeting visits to all my friends, mostly with my mother. I got to see Edward less frequently than I would want, but like he had said to me, it was important to spend time with Renee, so that I would do.

That brings me to today. When I woke up this morning, I realised something I really should have kept on my mind. Charlie. I hadn't visited him in a few days, and ever since the accident - still unknown by my mother - I didn't like to leave him alone for too long. Yes, he was off his medication now. Yes, he no longer had hospital visits. And yes, I knew that he would be fine on his own. But I had got so used to routinely going to him, I just kept going. He was my father, he was getting older, and even though he was only fifty, the accident had made him age.

Renee had mentioned Charlie a few times since he had been here. First it had been with the photographs lying on the mantle piece. She had noticed them when she had first arrived, and a few days later I had found her looking at them closely, more so my father than me. The next had been over dinner one night, when she had asked how he had been. I told her he'd been okay; she didn't need any extra stress. Then, after that, every few days she would mention Charlie. I wondered why. After years of now knowing him, and never bothering to see him, she was suddenly asking for his repeatedly. I had reminded myself that once you love someone so much as she had done in her younger years with Charlie, you never forget that feeling.

Every love is different; incomparable. I happen to think the heart is a jigsaw. Made of a million pieces, each piece has the ability to hold a connection with someone. If that person breaks you, that one piece is broken, the others are ready to be picked again. But that broken piece heals after time, and you are left with the memories of your time together, and a feeling of love towards then - never as strong as it once was, but still there. It remains, so maybe, just maybe, my mother still holds an attachment to the man she left when I was one, taking me with her. Is that why she is asking so many questions? Is that why when she mentions him she gets a look of lost love in her eye? I guess it will only take time to know.

I trudge down the stairs, knowing Renee is already up, dressed and pottering around. Her soft footsteps travel around the flooring like tinkling glass, and it is refreshing to know someone else is here with me for a change. I walk into the kitchen to greet her, earning a big smile and kiss on the cheek. I grab the glass of orange juice she has made for me - such a motherly gesture - and take a gulp.

Renee turns as she makes the toast. "Hungry?"

I shake my head. "Not really. I'm still full from dinner last night. I actually have some shopping to do, so I think I'll get that done this morning." I lie smoothly, trying to make sure my face gives me away. That's my problem, thinking up the lie is the easy part. Making my face look natural and innocent isn't as easy. People can read me like an open book.

Luckily for me, she is too engrossed in the spreading of butter on her breakfast, and only makes a small sound of acknowledgement. She turned to me again, taking a bite. "Did you want me to come with you?"

I begin to panic; it might not be as easy as I thought it would. "Ah, no. Thanks, but I'm okay. I like to go shopping on my own. It's… relaxing." That is possibly the lamest excuse I've ever heard myself say.

But somehow, it works. She shrugs. "Okay, then. I thought I'd just hang around the house today. I'm feeling a little tired. I've forgotten what it's like to have a life as you do. You do so much, and for me, it's wearing me out." She laughs.

I laugh along with her, placing the finished glass in the sink and grabbing my bag from a chair. "Alright then. I'm not sure how long I'll be, but I'll be back before you know it, I'm sure."

She nods, before waving me out of the house and into the late November winds.

----

I was in a little bit of a predicament. I couldn't remember whether Renee liked her tinned fruit in fruit juice or syrup. It teased my brain, and I knew that if I didn't get the right one she wouldn't mind, but I was trying to become her daughter again. Her daughter would know these sort of things.

But suddenly none of it mattered anymore.

Because Edward rounded the corner, basket in hand.

Our yes caught, and smiles grew on our faces. He walked forward to me, reaching out and taking my hands, before bringing it up to his lips and pressing a lingering kiss on my palm.

I looked up at him, feeling somewhat googly-eyed. "Good morning."

He leant down then, and pressed his lips to mine. I sighed into the kiss, bringing him closer and trying not to let our baskets bang in the process. My hand fisted into his hair making him groan and the thought that people could be watching or walking past at any moment didn't even pass my mind.

We broke away, our foreheads touching. Edward was first to speak. "It's a great morning, actually. I finally get to see you. I've missed you, you know. The house feels empty, I don't have a sleep partner anymore, and the piano just doesn't sound as sweet if you aren't there to play." His finished with a smile to tell me he was joking, but it was clear he really felt this way by the slight tinge of pain lurking in her magical orbs.

I reached up and ran my thumb across his cheek. "I'm sorry. I told you I wouldn't be around for a while. My mother keeps me busy. I was thinking of popping around after shopping but you beat me to it." I giggled.

His smiled widened at the sound. "Well, it would have been nice to have you there. But it looks like you'll be heading home afterwards. How much are you buying?" He eyed my basket in amazement. It was filled to the brim. I looked at his in comparison to find it only half full.

I shook my head. "It's not all for me and Renee. I've got to visit Charlie. I've been meaning to but it's been hard to find excuses to go. This is the perfect opportunity. I'm not really lying so Renee with believe me. She doesn't need to know about me visiting him."

He latched his arm around my waist and we began searching through the aisles together. He pressed the side of his face to mine. "You don't want her to know?"

I shrugged. "I'm not sure. She'd been through so much that I don't want to stress her out. If she went with me she'd find out about the accident, and that would only make her feel worse. She keeps asking about him, which is even more confusing. I guess I'm thinking that it's better if neither of them meet each other. At least for the moment."

"Well, that might be for the best. But you don't want them bumping into each other, or having your Mum find out about the accident without you telling her…"

I close my eyes, sighing in frustration. "I know; you're right. It's just so confusing. I'm not sure what to do. I could tell her and have her torn to even more bits than she already is. Or I can leave it and wait for her to find out by herself. Ugh. I'm beginning to think of how much easier it was when she had left my life for good. I shouldn't think that, I know. Because I'm finally getting my mother back and that's great. She's just, unconsciously, brought with her so many problems."

He stopped and picked up some raspberry ice cream; Alice's favourite. "I know it's hard, but you've got to think of the positives. You've got your mother back; the woman you thought you'd never see again, and no matter what you said before, I could tell you wished she was in contact with you. And everyone brings baggage. Maybe it's not as bad as you think. I'm sure it'll all work out in the end."

I leant my head against his shoulder while he stroked my hair. "I hope so" I muttered.

----

The car rolled up to Charlie's driveway, sitting beside the cruiser he might never drive again. I cut the engine, got out, and went to the boot to collect the extra shopping I had bought him. Knowing him, he's probably been living on takeouts for the last few weeks. I was the one that made to make sure he had a good enough diet.

I grasped the bags in both hands, slamming the boot down again with a kick, and then walked around the car to find Charlie standing at the door. Seeing him there, he had more lines than I remembered him to have, and looked a little lost. I guess I've always remembered him as the strong fatherly figure he is to me. The man he was when I was growing up and looking up to him. Now he looked much older, and I suddenly wanted to give him something, anything, to make him look more alive again. Seeing him like this made me realise that he'd been so close to not surviving, but somehow had clung on. He should have something, or someone to live for.

He granted me with a smile as I crossed the threshold, bringing all the extra shopping in. "Morning Bella. Long time so see, kid. What've you brought me?"

I laid the bags down on the counter top and started to unpack in front of him. "Just some shopping Dad. Knowing you, you won't have gone shopping yourself so when I knew I was popping around I thought I'd bring in some things for you.' I turned to put the milk in the fridge. 'I'm sorry I haven't been around so much. Super busy life I have now."

He sighed. "Yeah. You aren't the bored 'I have nothing to do' teenager you once were anymore. What've you been up to?"

I was suddenly glad the fridge door was hiding my face. "Uh… just with music and stuff. The choir is getting really busy. We have this Christmas concert thing soon, you know. And since Edward is in my life now, I've been spending time with him. I'll try and be around more often, Dad." How I was going to fit in Renee, Edward, my friends, and my Dad into my schedule I don't know.

He patted the counter top, before going to empty some more bags. "Sure, sure, Bells. You've got your own life now. You can't always be around me. Just as well you don't have two parent's to visit, right?" He chuckled at his own joke, but only an idiot wouldn't have heard the hurt in his voice. He could deny it all the hell he wanted but he still loved my mother. And not another woman came close to Renee in his eyes.

I hated that I was having to lie to him but it was for the best. His joke had left me almost speechless; he didn't know how wrong his statement was. All I could cover it up with was joining in his fake laughter.

----

After spending a few hours with my Dad, I said my goodbyes and got back into my car to drive home to see my mother. My father didn't have a clue about her; she hadn't been mentioned again. I could tell it was a sore subject for him. And no matter how much I hated that I was keeping this from him, it might be for the best. I don't know how he would take seeing Renee after all these years. It could either drive him to the brink, or bring him back from the edge. You could never tell with Charlie.

It only took about ten minutes to get back to my house, and as I stopped on the curb and got out the air seemed thicker than normal; I could sense something was wrong. I looked around, seeing nothing out of place, and then shut the car door quietly. I tiptoed up to the door, and opened it as silently as possible, closing it behind me before letting myself take in the atmosphere.

There definitely wasn't something right. Everything in the hall was as it was when I left. But when I looked through the door leading into the living room, things seemed to be scattered haphazardly all over the floor, almost as if someone had broken in and scattered sheets of paper in the process. But as I neared the scene I noticed it wasn't paper at all. More like photographs.

Photographs of me.

But mostly my father.

Drea began to gather in my stomach like a virus. My heart began to beat a little bit faster as if I was walking towards my feet. I closed my eyes as my feet moved praying to whoever was up there that this wasn't happening. That I hadn't left my mother this morning, with the only thing of her agenda but to drown in the sorrows of what she had left behind all those years ago. Who else in this house wuld have dug up all the pictures of Charlie ?

I walked through the door, only to see the pile of photos grow larger and large with every step. And there, sitting in a shaking lump in between them all was my mother. Her shoulders shook as she cried silently. I didn't even know if she was aware I was there. Surely she could hear my heart breaking for her in every second. Because suddenly everything became clear, and I wished I had seen the signs sooner. The person she needed and was pining for, was my father.

She glanced up at me, tears rolling down her cheeks. She gestured to all the pile and gathered herself as best her could to speak. "Look at all… I've missed, Bella. All the… memories I've missed out on'-hiccup- 'All the love… I could have had… but I threw away. What a family… we could've been."

I let myself fall to her side and pull her into my arms, feeling the tears she cried seep into my shirt. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours, until the breathing steadied slightly, and she looked up at me, a lost look in her eye.

And I knew at once what I had to do.

I had to tell her everything.

**A/N; Slight delay, for which I apologise for. If it's any conciliation, I have written something over at Fiction Press when I was trying to find the inspiration for this chapter (link in profile). **

**I really appreciate all the reviews you are giving me. So please, give me some more. (:**


	33. Thirty Two

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Thirty-Two.**

Bella looked down at her with worried eyes. She'd never seen her mother in such a mess before. Renee had never been the strong one between the two of them. Renee would weep at the sappy films; cry over words in a love song or sob at the lines in a romantic novel. But never had she seen her mother so… affected. She'd never seen so much hardship in her eyes. The pain and suffering; it was all new. But although many things were new to her now - after missing many years with her mother, she was bound to have to learn about her again - she knew that the pain she noticed was real.

And the only way to remedy it was to tell her what she'd missed.

But where could she start? There had been so many moments that she'd needed her mother to be there for. There had been Prom, problems with Jacob, her break-up with Jacob, getting into college; so many moments that are created so that the mother can weep with you as you go through them. Charlie and herself had had many lovely moments together. But there had been the bad points too. Could she really sit here and relive them with her mother, in the hysterical state she was.

But she came to the conclusion that there was no other way to do it. She sighed, keeping her arms wrapped securely around her mother. It was time to begin.

Renee looked up at her daughter. Her eyes were full of tears, some overflowing onto her cheeks. Her daughter caught her eyes, begging her to stop crying and to let it all out at the same time. So Renee kept on crying as Bella held her to her chest. She felt her daughter sigh, before she began talking.

Renee watched as Bella gestured to the numerous photographs surrounding them. "You know, it all looks like a fairytale, doesn't it? It seems like nothing could get us down in these pictures. But pictures only capture the happy moments. It wasn't perfect, nothing ever is."

Renee took her words carefully, rolling them on her tongue, settling them into her brain. Bella was right; nothing ever was perfect. You had your highs and your lows, as well as everything in between. But Renee couldn't stop wishing that she could have been there. Not just for the highs, but everything else too. Surely it would've been better than marrying Phil. She should've realised that the thing that would have made her happiest would have been here, in Forks, with her real family.

Renee glanced up at her daughter, watching as those curious brown eyes flitted from picture to picture, memories pouring from her eyes in recognition. She placed her hand on Bella's, getting her attention. "Tell me everything. Absolutely everything that happened. From when I left… to now." It wasn't as much of a demand as it sounded, Renee was just desperate to know more.

Bella caught this, and began again. "When I first arrived here it was quite awkward. I hadn't seen Charlie in ages, only the occasional holiday or phone call. But the more I spent time with him, the more I got to know him well and realised how similar we were. I was so hurt after I'd left you, and so confused.' Bella looked towards the window. 'I kept thinking that you didn't want me anymore. But Charlie managed to comfort me. We'd pretend everything was great, but it wasn't."

"What was wrong?" Renee's voice sounded croaky with unshed tears.

Bella shrugged. "A lot of things. Charlie hadn't expected me, so settling in was quite difficult but we made it work. But the main reason was… you. Charlie thought that you we giving me up. That you were giving up the only connection he had to you left. That really wounded him.' Bella looked right into Renee's eyes. 'You see, Dad had never wanted you to leave, but he loved you so completely that he let you go; let you do what you thought was right. But I had always been there. I'd always been that thing that brought you back to him; he still had some sort of connection to you. By you dumping me on him, it felt like that connection was breaking, and Dad, he couldn't take it.

"Every day I'd wake up and his eyes would be bloodshot because he couldn't sleep from wondering about you. He'd lounge around the house after hours and hours at work, and no matter how much he tried to do something productive he found he only had the strength to stare at the walls. He'd pile more and more work on himself until he'd pass out from exhaustion. And you could just tell that he felt… nothing."

Renee broke down again, guilt flowing through her brains. How could she so unconsciously do such a thing? How could she have let herself cause the one she now loved so much pain? Bella kissed her hair, trying to comfort her mother. It wasn't the easiest thing for her to do, either. She'd told herself to forget all about that part of her past, because she never thought Renee would be there again. Now she was opening up those old wounds, and seeing her mother - whom she had a new affection for - having to hear it was terrible. She hated saying these things but knew it was for the best; her mother needed to know.

Bella began again. "But we worked through it. Over time he realised that he would never be getting you back and that he couldn't ponder on what might have been; just focus on the great memories he had of you. It took me yelling at him to realise this, and it hurt me to do it, but it was for the better."

"You yelled at him?" Renee was shocked.

Bella looked down from her mother's shameful face. "Yes, I did. I couldn't stand it anymore. He was moping, and maybe he had a right to do that, but he was disregarding how I felt. He was so caught up in the thought of never seeing you again that he forgot I was there. I'd just lost my mother and needed someone to care for me… It might have sounded selfish, but when I yelled at him and told him what I felt he finally realised. And then we were able to work through together."

Renee nodded, understanding now. Bella had never been one to use violence or disrupt the peace unless she really needed to. And by the sounds of it, that was the only way to have got through to Charlie at that point. Shame ran through her body again; she had done that to him.

"After that episode things started to get better. We worked through all the painful experiences together; your birthday, Christmas, my birthday, the holidays. And of course, Jasper was always there for the both of us."

Renee cracked a smile. "Yes, Jasper. I never thought that you would see him again, let alone me. The more I think about it the more I should have realised. You left, and I never saw him again. The dots would have been easy to connect. I'm glad you both… had someone there for you."

Bella nodded. "He was really helpful. He kind of knew what we were going through because of losing both his parent's so young. So he helped us; he's always been able to cheer us up when we were down because of that freaky emotion pick-up thing he has."

Renee laughed a little. "That was true. Such a… strange boy. But he is really lovely. I always thought you'd get together,' Renee looked up at her daughter, still in wonder of how beautiful she had become. She shook her shoulders. 'But I guess Edward and Alice got in between."

Bella smiled. "And I couldn't have asked for that more. Jasper and I were never going to be a couple, Mum. We are just very good friends. He was all I had for a while."

Renee patted Bella's hand, taking her from her thoughts. "Please tell me more. I want… need to know what has happened, since I left you both."

Bella went on. "Well, I went into Forks High School for sophomore, junior and senior year. I made a few friends who I'm not really in touch with now. They went on with their life and I went on with mine. Dad made friends with a man called Billy Black, and he had a son called Jacob. Both Billy and Dad were ecstatic when we started dating, but less enthusiastic when Jacob and I broke up because he had cheated on me. However, they still keep in touch and I'm told he's engaged to a woman called Leah.' Bella shrugged with nonchalance. 'I went on through college and majored in English. I used to have a job at Forks library, but I quit that when I realised it wasn't what I wanted to do. I have had little relationships since then but nothing spectacular, except from when Edward came along. As for Dad, he hasn't had anyone since you left him when I was a baby, as least I think so. He had a few dates with some woman who knew Billy and himself, but that didn't last.' Bella looked over at her mother, seeing hope in her eyes for the first time. 'I guess he's always only had eyes for you."

Renee looked down, a small smile forming on the edges of her lips. "I'm glad. Well, not that he hasn't had anyone. I really wish he had had someone, but it would have to be me. Yes! No!' When she looked up again, amusement was written on her daughters face and a blush painted her own. She shrugged, but couldn't keep the smile off her face. She wiped her cheeks taking away the trails of tears. 'I guess I've always loved him, really. Leaving just seemed the right thing to do at the time. I've always regretted it, though.' She leaned forward. 'What happened to you Dad after you left college?"

"He kept on working at the police force here in Forks. He had friends there and didn't want to change his job; since you weren't here it was his whole world. He helped pay for my college fees, and then my work at the library helped me pay him back, which I'm still doing. He told me not to, but I'm secretly putting money in his bank account."

Renee looked confused. "Wait. How can you still pay him back if you aren't working?"

Bella smiled a little. "Grandma Swan left me a trust fund, which I use. After I quit the job at the library, I realised that I didn't want to do that. I love books and everything about the written word, and I still use my degree to some extent. I write songs. But I really wanted to go into music. So Edward is teaching me piano and I can sing. I joined the church choir as well. It was Charlie's idea to start that actually, while he was in hospital. He gave me---"

Renee put her hand up in protest, fear building in her eyes. "Charlie was in hospital?! When was this? Why? What happened to him?"

Bella squeezed his arm, telling her without words to calm down. "Shh. He's alright now. At the time, we weren't sure if he would make it, but he pulled through.' Her mother started to tear up again. 'He was shot, very close to the heart, and he was rushed into hospital. Thankfully they managed to get the bullet out, but he had lost a lot of blood and had to be kept in intensive care for a month before he was allowed to go home. While he was in hospital, everything was so unsure for me. I couldn't lose him, I thought I'd already lost you. He meant everything. At some points even he thought he wouldn't make it.' Bella reached inside her blouse producing the golden chain with the cross. Renee's eyes lit up in recognition. 'That's when he gave me this."

Renee reached out and touched it, gently as if it would break. "I remember this. It was always around his neck. He always said he would give it to you when he needed to."

Bella looked down at the necklace which was still in Renee's hands. She felt tears spring to her eyes. "He had given me it as a reminder of him, like he knew he wouldn't return. At first I didn't want to take it. I knew how precious it was to him but I couldn't bare to think that this was the end for him. In the end, I did take it and have worn it ever since. Even all through his hospital days, and ever since then it's been around my neck. I'm scared that if I take it off, I'll lose him.' Bella blinked the tears away.

Renee wrapped her arms around her daughter, trying to gain and give comfort. They stayed in that position for some time, relaxing into each others arms and taking what they needed from the embrace. After a while Bella pulled back and took her mother's face in her hands, looking right into her eyes.

"Do you really love him, Mum?" She asked.

Renee nodded forcefully, wanting to reassure her daughter of how she felt. She could see the doubt written in Bella's features, and asked why.

"I don't want to you to… think you love him… just because you are looking for someone to love. I can understand you need someone to comfort you - a man - after all you've been through with Phil, but I don't want it to be my father getting hurt at the end of the day, regardless of your past with him.

Renee shook her head. "Oh, Bella. I would never purposely hurt Charlie. I've loved him since I was a teenager, and you have to understand, I was so confused when I had you. I was only turned twenty and I suddenly found myself married and with child. I felt as if I was losing out on my life, especially living in Forks, and at that time running away sounded like the right thing to do. That doesn't mean I fell out of love with your father. I still love him, and my love for him has become installed in my being. Through everything, your father has been in my heart.' She looked up at Bella, and Bella could now see clearly the love she felt. 'To even have a chance at being loved and loving him again… I'd give anything for that."

Bella felt the tears that she'd desperately tried to shoo away pour over. In her mind images she had long dreamed of - of her father being truly happy with her mother by his side - were clouding her brain. She grasped Renee's hand in hers, and made to stand up.

"Would you like to see him again?"

Renee broke a watery smile. "Very much so."

Inside she hoped this meeting wouldn't be too much for him, but subconsciously she felt that this would be what he really needed. So she led the way to the car, got buckled in, and reversed out of the driveway, ready to make two people who had lost their bond reconnect again.

-.-.-

Alice ran her hand through her hair, feeling her anxiety eat away at her. She couldn't stop fidgeting, she couldn't stop worrying. Everything around her and all her thoughts were pinned on something, something that was wrong. Something had happened and she needed to get out of the hospital and see what it was.

Alice had always had a way of knowing things. She could sometimes see them in her mind, sometimes they would come to her in dreams, and sometimes she just had a feeling that something had happened. It was hardly ever wrong, and it was at times like this that she wished she 'knew' exactly what had happened. All she knew was that something was terribly wrong.

She'd first developed this when her father had taken ill again and again. She was young at that time, and would get a worried feeling in her stomach every time it would happen. It seemed that as the feeling got worse and worse the real problem crept onto the patient, until it took over. Right now the feeling was a dull ache, but she could feel it strengthening and that could only mean it would happen soon. She had to get home, now.

She didn't want to think about it, but she knew who it was. It was Edward. She just knew. It was hard to explain, but deep inside the dread was building that something was happening to her brother. She sighed in frustration. It really was the wrong time for Mike to try and strike up a conversation. Why did he always pop up at the most inopportune moments?

His Labrador-like face was suddenly beside her in the lift that was going too slowly for her taste. His grin made his stomach flip in a bad way. "Hello Alice, fancy meeting you here."

Alice rolled her eyes in impatience. "Indeed, considering her work in the same building, at the same level and all." Her words oozed sarcasm, which went right by Mike.

He laughed heartily. The sound made Alice was to run away and hide under a rock. "You are right, Alice. Although sometimes I think you're avoiding me." He nudged her playfully in the ribs and she had a good mind to kick him somewhere it would hurt.

Instead she turned and smiled sweetly at him. "Me? Never. You know I'm always willing to chat."

He moved forward somewhat, looking deep into her eyes. Alice's vision went to the side and she sighed thankfully, it was nearly the bottom floor. "Would you be willing to go on a date with me sometime, then? We could… chat."

Alice heard the God given ding of the elevator, and looked up to heaven at Mike's remarks. Why couldn't he take a hint. "Mike, I'm really in a rush here." The feeling was eating away at her and building as she used useless minutes conversing with a man she severely disliked.

He caught her arm as she was about to rush from the lift. "Please. Just one dinner." He pulled the puppy eyes on her, and she thanked God she had never been a sucker for that sort of thing.

Her tight shoulders slumped. "Do you remember the man I was with last time you harassed me for a date in that exact lift?"

His eyes looked back in memory, before he nodded.

Alice smiled at him. "Yeah? I'm still with him. So in other words, please back off and find someone who would appreciate dating you."

And with that she rushed off to her car, not stopping to look back until she had left the car park.

----

When she reached her house the feeling inside of her had strengthen so much she was worried for her health just as much as Edward's. It crawled up her skin, squeezed along her bones until she felt nothing but pure fear. It was the exact same feeling as she had felt with her fathers illness, and the thought of losing Edward was heartbreaking. She quickly undid her seat belt, grabbed her bags and ran for the door of her house.

She shoved the keys in the lock, and banged the door open, watching it swing back with force and pound the wall. But she didn't care. She threw her bags to the side, ripped off her coat and ran through the rooms until she saw him.

He stood looking out the kitchen window, his hands placed evenly on the countertop. There was nothing to either of his sides, and his feet were placed firmly on the floor. He was completely still and the only movement he made was his fingers clenching around the countertop, his knuckles turning white.

She gulped. "Edward?" She whispered as the silence echoed around her.

She watched as his shoulders contracted, and the grasp he had on the countertop loosened, until he turned around, too slowly for her liking, like he was controlling himself from what was happening to him. His eyes were glued to the floor, watching his feet as he turned, almost amazed.

She couldn't breathe. She was gasping for the air as the feeling of fear pounded against her body, willing her to give up hope.

His eyes flowed up he body until she could look him right in the eye, and she saw what she never wanted to see again. Pain and dread. Pain and dread, wrapping and binding him. His face was sunken, the blackness under his eyes stained his skin, and she had never seen him look so completely pale.

He took in a breath, "Alice." He croaked.

Then he fell to the floor, unable to hold himself together anymore.

All air left her lungs.

This couldn't be happening.

Could it?

**A/N; In my defence I told you all that more drama was coming, and I did state it wouldn't be all good. Some people have already guessed what is happening to Edward, and I'm not going to tell you whether you are right or not (you'll all see in good time) so I hope that won't ruin the story for you. This story is something totally different for me to write. I tend to write the classic love story, but I think this story takes a more real-life turn. Please bare with me and don't leave this story; I'm trying to better my writing and make my writing more believable. (:**

**With all that said, please review telling me your thoughts.**

**-xlovestory.**


	34. Thirty Three

**My Beautiful Disaster**

**Chapter Thirty-Three.**

The road to my father's house seemed longer than usual. My mother was at my side, her fingernails knocking in a rhythm on the rest between both our seats. She was anxious, and nervous - anyone would be able to tell. And part of me was too. I didn't know what would happen. How would Charlie react? How would I tell him? As we stopped at a red light I rubbed me forehead, trying to ease the growing tension clouding up inside. It didn't work.

I looked over at my mother. She was running one hand through her hair, making some of the strands static, while the other hand was on the side of her face, one fingernail being shredded. She didn't exactly ooze calm. I wondered what was going through her head at this moment. She had been so sure she had wanted to come, but now she was on her way to facing a person from her past, did she really want to be here. I had to ask.

I touched her arm gently, waking her from her deep thoughts. "Mum, are you sure you want to do this? We can go back home and have a think about it if you'd like…"

She looked down at her lap, bringing her hands together and entwining her fingers, making them look like a tangled mess. "I want to so this now, Bella. If I don't, I never will. I can't keep running away from everything; I have to face this full on."

I nodded, accepting her words. "That's fine. But if that isn't what's bothering you, pray tell me what is?"

She shrugged noncommittally. "It's not so much what I'll be like, I worry about him. Seeing me will shock him; I'm not going to pretend like I don't know that'll happen.' She ran another shaking hand through her hair. 'He's been so ill, Bella. What if seeing me sends him into shock and makes him ill again. I couldn't do that to him, not when I'm so close to… getting him back.' She rubbed her eyes, trying to take away the traces of the spare tears she had left. 'And then, what if he doesn't want to see me again? What if he can't handle the fact that I'm back? What if I've done to much damage, that the remains of our relationship can never be fixed?"

I leaned over the seat, desperate to comfort her. In the back of my mind was a little voice reminding me that I never thought I'd see this moment. But here I was, comforting the woman who had abandoned me up to ten years ago. The thought made a small smile grace my face. "Mum, I'm not going to lie to you; he'll be shocked. But Dad has a different way of dealing with things. He's left the police force now - I'm sure he won't shoot you."

This got a little laugh from her. The lights changed to green and I accelerated forward, every second getting nearer and nearer my mother's fate.

But my thoughts strayed again as I wondered how I would break the news to him. 'Oh, hey Dad, I've got Mum in the car. You know, the woman who left you twenty years ago'; I'm not so sure that'd go down well. I'd have to be tactful, I'd have to make sure he was sitting down. Just this morning he'd made a joke, suggesting that we'd never see her again. Now he'd know I'd been lying to him, on top of greeting the woman he'd loved hopelessly from the moment she'd said goodbye.

Nobody said life was easy.

But if someone had, I've have had to strangle them. As my mind rolled around different ideas, my hands automatically moved on the wheel, driving to the destination I'd been to hundreds of times before. I could do it without thought.

I turned onto the final street, knowing that there was no backing out now. I glanced a look in my mother's direction, seeing her eyes flit all over the place, matching the memory she had in her head. I had to admit, nothing had changed really; it looked practically identical. Then her eyes caught onto the house she had shared with him when I had first been born, and a fondness set into her orbs. I could tell that part of her wanted to throw the car door open and run into the house to greet my father, but she knew that wouldn't be sensible. Charlie would have a heart attack if he wasn't told gently. So as the car slowed gently, and turned into the driveway I'd settled the car in hours before, she stayed put looking longingly at the door which held such precious gifts, to her, inside.

I cut the engine and listened as it growled into silence. We sat there for a second, both unsure of what to do, and it surprised me Charlie hadn't flung the door open yet - something I was quite thankful for. I looked over at Renee, to see she was watching me.

She bit her lip, reminding me just how alike in some ways we are. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Turn out and we'll go home." Last minute nerves haunted her, and we both knew I couldn't grant her wish.

"We can't leave now. He'll have realised that someone is here. If we leave quickly, he'll recognise my car, rousing all sorts of suspicions.' I touched her arm, prying her hands apart which she had glued together due to her nerves. 'It'll be fine. The plan of action is for me to go in first, I'll break the news, and then when I open the door again, you can come in. Alright?"

She didn't give me a straight answer, she just nodded. I looked back to the front door of the house, taking a deep breath before I opened the car door and stepped outside, feeling the late November winds nip at my exposed skin. I slammed the door closed, pulling my jacket closer to my frame, and changed a quick look at my mother again. To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if she makes a run for it as soon as I'm in the house. But I think that this meeting is too personal; she wants it too much to will herself to run away. She surely has realised she had to face this if she wants any sort of relationship with my father again.

Relationship. Charlie. Renee.

Yep, that'll take some getting used to.

I quicken my step, rolling words around my tongue of what I will tell me father. It's so difficult, especially without knowing how he'll react. I push the door open - he always keeps it unlocked (something I've told him countless times to stop doing) - and step inside, half glad for the warmth.

"Bells? That you again?" I hear his voice, straining against the volume of the television.

I open the living room door, poking my head through. "Yeah, it's me Dad." I look at him and watch him nod, giving my a small, innocent smile. I step properly inside, and take a seat on the brim of the couch. I can't allow myself to get comfy.

He turns the television off, turning to look at me. "Did you forget something when you were here before?"

I was only here hours ago, yet it seems like a lifetime.

I shook my head. "No. I just… I have something to tell you."

He leaned over to the other side of his chair, a look of concern on his face. "Bells? What's wrong?" The picture of concern grew and grew, and it was almost as if I could feel his heart beating more rapid by the second. This couldn't be good for his health.

I walked towards his, kneeling down, and took his hand in mine, rubbing gently. We'd never really been ones for being emotional, but at that moment it seemed like the right thing to do. I attempted a chuckle, the nerves getting the better of me. "Dad, don't faint on me. It's alright. It's just… I've got someone here to meet you."

I could see him visibly relax, his shoulders sagging and his eyes returned to having that adorable little sparkle. "Well, good. I thought you were gonna give me another heart attack there, Bells. Who is it?"

I looked directly into his eyes.

"Renee."

-.-.-

He felt like he was floating on a cloud of nothingness. His body held no weight, only his heart weighed him down, while the rest of him tried desperately to escape. It's beating was fragile, disjointed but most of all, loud. His could hear it vibrating everywhere, like speakers that bounce with the force of rhythm. His was lost in a field of darkness, not light shining into his view. He tried to open his eyes, but be couldn't; he didn't hold the necessary strength. He wanted to run, jump off this cliff of nothing, back into the real world his presumed was somewhere around him. But he couldn't do anything. He could only float, and hear the awkward beats of his heart.

_"Oh, Edward."_

Her anguished cry told him he was closer to humanity than he thought. She was in pain, Alice was in pain. He tried to reach out, to grab her around the waist has he had when they were children, pulling her into a hug that would make her scrapes all better. But when his arms extended into the blackness, he couldn't grasp anything. His fingers wouldn't curl around her. She was only there in soul, not in body.

_"Don't do this to me, please."_

Her sobs drove him to the brink. He was beginning to get angry. Confused and frustrated at the fact he couldn't reach out to his own sister, who seemed to be in pain. He tried again, attempting to get the strength in his legs to pull him up to stand. But his heart, the one thing that was holding onto his life, weighed him down. He felt like it was on the line between life and death. He wanted nothing more than to rise upwards, to go back to where he believed he belonged, but his heart had other ideas. It was no longer on his side, it seemed. He had so many reasons why he had to live: Bella, his family, his group of friends. Alice needed his, right now.

_"I can't lose you, Edward."_

He wanted to scream to her that he wasn't leaving. That's he'd return as soon as he could. That when he got back he'd embrace her with everything he had, to remind her that he brother - the one person she'd thought would always be there - was still there for her. But nothing seemed to be certain where he was. Yet he was determined, and he would fight with everything in him to get back to her.

_"None of us can lose you, not to this."_

His sister began to cry, large tears of fear he could imagine rolling down her face. He wanted to reach out and wipe them from her. Most of all, he wanted someone else to be there with her. If he couldn't be there… But he would get there. He would. He just needed something to pull him back.

_"Think of Bella, Edward. If anything brings you back to me, it'll be her."_

Bella. Bella. Bella. His beautiful Bella. Thoughts of her clouded his mind, driving him on. He once again tried to find his footing on this cloud, and all be slipped backwards, his heart pulling him back on an invisible wire. But he would win this fight. He stretched his hand our again, suddenly feeling something soft. His fingers tingled with the touch, feeling soft fingers graze tighten around his own. It was a touch of humanity. A touch of the real world. He focussed on the feeling, and felt himself begin to rise up, the wire snapping. Things became clearer then, as he rose to the top, like something floating to the top of the water. The feeling became more real, the air around him became clearer, he could hear things, most of all an irritating beep that wouldn't stop. Then he felt like he could open his eyes.

So that's what he did.

----

"Oh thank God." Alice whispered to herself.

Edward's eyes begin to flicker open. The soft skin, decorated with tiny veins, flew open to reveal the sparkling green orbs she had known all her life, and she couldn't help but give him a tearful but happy smile. Thank God she hadn't lost him. The Doctor had told her he would be fine, and that he would wake up soon, hopefully ready to do some tests to research what has happened, but she couldn't have let herself hope. She had hoped her father wouldn't die, and look where that left her. Father-less.

He seemed disorientated, as anyone would be. One minute he had been staring out the window of the kitchen, the next he was waking up in an uncomfortable bed, bright white lights shining around him. Seriously, didn't they had a dimmer switch?

She continued to stroke his hand, hoping to get him to speak. She needed to hear his voice to truly believe he was here. His eyes looked around the room, into all the nooks and crannies, then finally focussed on her. They widened slightly, before his grip on their entwined hands hardened. "Alice." His voice was hoarse and dry.

She placed a finger gently to his lips to prevent him from talking again. She'd got what she had needed, and what he now needed to do was rest. She shook her head. "Shh. Don't talk right now. Everything is okay. You're in hospital.' She got up and walked around to the other side of the bed, retrieving a jug of water and a glass. She looked at him, reliving the moment. 'I came home from work and you fainted. Oh Edward, it was terrible. I didn't know what to do,' She willed herself to stop the tears from falling. Instead, she focussed on filling the glass of water and putting it up to her brother's lips to give him the fluids he needed. 'So I brought you hear to the hospital. You've got a lovely Doctor, Edward. He's very kind and helpful.' She nodded, then looked at Edward right in the eye, the fear in her radiating all over her body. 'He wants to do some tests, to find out what's wrong."

She watched as Edward closed his eyes at her words, wriggling about slightly in the bed to try and get comfortable. His eyes opened again, pain inside them. He opened his mouth, gathering the words as well as he could. "Do you…what if… do you think?" They made no sense to an eavesdropper, but they were hauntingly clear to Alice.

She shrugged, trying to stay as upbeat as possible. But when she looked back at her brother, he was asking her to be truthful. Honest. A stray tear fell from her eye, and Edward reached up to catch it with his thumb, his hand shaking slightly. She was choked; how could this be happening to her big brother - the one who'd always been there through everything with her. He'd held her hand through their parent's deaths. He'd held her close at all times during the grieving process. He'd told her it's be okay every time she'd cried, and threatened the 'kick some ass' at every break-up. For the first time in their lives together, they couldn't tell each other for definite it would be fine. So she leant forward and hugged him as best she could, the wires getting in the way. The only thing she could say was… "Maybe."

His hold on her frail body tightened at her words. As she drew back, he didn't need to say anything. They knew that whatever happened from this moment forward, they would be here for each other until the end.

Suddenly the door opened a crack, noise from the hallways outside filtering in through the gap. A tall man, in his early thirties it seemed, poked his head through the door. Alice smiled at him, telling him he could come in. He smiled in return, and walked fully into the room. He held a confident stance, which was in no way overly cocky. His face told a thousand stories, and his eyes were soft, yet slightly pained - he was a Doctor, he experienced things that not the average person did. The light shone off his blonde hair and his pale skin.

His face held a smile for Edward. "Hello Edward, it's nice to finally meet you. I'm Doctor Cullen, but you can call me Carlisle. How are you feeling?"

Edward shuffled again from his place on the bed, trying not to tug at the wires connected to him. "Sore, a little tired, and there is an uncomfortable ache in my chest."

Carlisle nodded to the words as he jotted them down on a small pad. Then he placed the pad back in his white coat's pocket and reached down to look at Edward's sheets, seemingly ticking a few boxes as he spoke to Edward. "Okay, well, hopefully we'll be able to find out why you have that uncomfortable ache soon. We'll be taking some tests. If you don't mind, we'd like to diagnose you as quickly as possible, for your health, so we want to do the tests now. Is that okay?"

Edward looked at Alice, who nodded lightly to him. He grasped her hand before turning back to Carlisle and nodding. "The sooner the better I suppose."

The next ten minutes were a blur of nurses and untied wires as soon as Carlisle had left the room. He sat there in relative silence, except from the nurses chit-chat, and looked at Alice, who held his gaze. The connection they shared at that moment meant no words were needed at all. Everything was said through their eyes, and their hands stayed together.

A small cough was heard, bringing them from their silent conversation. A nurse looked shyly at Edward. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we need to take you to a different room now, for the tests to take place." Edward smiled a little and nodded, not trusting his voice not to shake. He kissed Alice's hand in a brotherly gesture, and then let go. He would be on his own now, but Alice would be waiting for him. That would, hopefully, give him the strength he needed.

The nurse then spoke to Alice. "You'll want to wait for him, won't you?' Alice nodded. 'You can either wait in this room, since it's probable he'll be put back here after the tests. Or there is a waiting room just down the corridor…"

Alice smiled a little. "I'll wait here, thank you."

She watched as the bed was wheeled through he doors, Edward throwing her a last little glance. This was not an ending, because he'd be back, but she couldn't help but break down as soon as he was out of sight. She fell into one of the plush chairs at the side of the room, burying her head into the clothes he had been taken out of as he arrived. They smelled of him, and that would keep her going.

For now, she would just have to wait.

-.-.-

I had told him.

I had moved to the window.

I had watched her come to the door, brace herself, and walk in.

I had stood there, in the silence, watching as they both took each other in.

I had done my part, now they had to do their's.

I watched from the side of the room as Charlie rose from his chair, a little unsteady, his eyes staring at the woman in front of him. His hands came together, his fingers clenching together, all the while his eyes remained glued to Renee's. She stood by the door, one hand having fallen to her side, the other still resting on the doorknob. Silence leaked around him, and only sound being the wind outside as it beat around the bushes and our breathing. The air was tight with emotion, and the electricity between Charlie and Renee could not be denied.

I wondered what would happen. How would they confront each other? How would they begin to talk? Would their greeting be awkward? I wasn't sure. They weren't answering my questions, and my curious mind just wanted to shove them together, but this was something they had to do alone. It wasn't up to me. I had put them in the same room, not they could work out their differences and then…

Then what? I wasn't sure. Time would tell.

Charlie was the first to break the silence. There was an unreadable emotion in his eyes, one that I recognised but had failed to see in a long time. He coughed, drawing both Mum and me from our thoughts, whatever they were. He took a step forward, the slowest pace I had ever seen, and then stopped when he was at arms length to her. He stretched out his arm, his palm out for a shake. It seemed odd, to shake hands with someone you had known before and felt so much for, but it was a place to start.

His hand lay there, in the space between them. He looked into her eyes. I wasn't there, not to him. Just Renee. Then he spoke her name, it rolling off his tongue like a dream. "Renee."

I could see her eyes fill up with tears. Her hand fit into his perfectly, and she choked out his name too. "Charlie."

Then it happened so quickly, if I had blinked I wouldn't have seen it. Charlie tugged their hands forward and wrapped his other arm tightly around her waist, burying his head into her hair. Charlie initiated physical contact?! But I shouldn't be surprised. This was the woman who had always held his heart. I could tell he needed to be closer.

There was almost too much love in the room at that moment. It was too personal for me to be there. This was their moment, and I wasn't going to stomp on it. So I crept out of the room, and out of the front door, leaving them to their reunion. I quietly closed the door then headed for the seat of my car. Charlie would drive my mother home, I was sure.

As the wheels of my car tread along the roads of Forks, I couldn't really make out what I was feeling. I was happy, of course, because I was seeing the beginnings of a love spark once again for people whom I love. I wanted them both to be happy, and seeing them happy together, only made me happy in return. But then there was another feeling, something right down in my gut.

Fear; some sort of anxiousness.

As I parked my car in the driveway and stepped out, I could feel it even more.

I knew something, somewhere, was wrong.

-.-.-

He felt somewhat exhausted, but knew he wouldn't fall asleep if he tried to. His mind was going around in circles, trying to work out what was happening to him, and take in all that he was feeling. He was in pain, he knew that for sure. The outcome of the tests? He could feel it. He knew, and so did Alice.

He looked over to his sister. She had moved the chair closer to the bed, and that had been a huge task. It had made him laugh seeing her small form moving a chair that seemed almost double her size. But now she was sitting, absentmindedly flicking through a magazine. She wasn't reading it. She was merely glancing at the pages. Neither could stop thinking of what was to come.

The sky outside was darkening now. From the slits in the blinds he could see small stars twinkling through the clouds. The pitter-patter of rain on the windows was the only sound he could hear.

He was just waiting.

Waiting.

_Waiting._

Edward had always been an impatient person. He just wanted to know for certain, and then he could deal with whatever came next. He didn't like the space between. He'd never liked 'between'. Pick a side, he'd always said. He couldn't decide whether he wanted to sat in the unknown, or know. Knowing would be better, of course. But if the results were bad, as he felt they would be, he might be wishing he didn't know afterwards.

Luckily, or unluckily, Carlisle stepped through he door again a few seconds later. He pulled a chair similar to Alice's over with ease, and Alice let the magazine she had been 'reading' flop back onto the table at her side. She took his hand as they waited for the news.

Carlisle smiled slightly, but it was forced. "We've taken the tests, obviously, and they've come back from the lab just half an hour ago. Al the results are pointing to one thing, but to be absolutely sure it's what I think it is, I need some more information on your symptoms.' He brought his pad out again. 'Okay. You were rushed here when you fainted. Had you fainted before then?"

Alice looked at Edward expectantly, before he answered. "Yes. Twice."

"Have you been finding it hard to breath at all?"

"Yes. After walking or running long distances, or anything strenuous."

"Have you lost any weight?"

Edward sighed, knowing exactly where this was going. "Yes. About a stone."

"And you've been having very strong chest pains?" Carlisle went on, his eyes pained.

Edward looked down. "Yes," He whispered very gently.

Carlisle stood up, walking to a monitor, and checking it carefully. It jotted something down, and then sat back on the chair. Alice broke out a sob, unable to contain it anymore. Edward squeezed her hand, trying to comfort. She had one hand through the hair, letting her hand flop onto the bed. She couldn't take this. Not anymore.

Carlisle put his pad back into the pocked, and threaded his fingers together. Your heart rate it over 100 bests per minute. This, unfortunately, all points to one thing. I regret to inform you that you have heart---"

"---cancer" Edward finished for him.

His eyes closed. He'd known all along.

**A/N; I'm going to go and hide under a rock now, to shield myself from your attacks. I'm sorry, but this was in the plan all along. Some people guessed this, and some may be shocked. But hopefully, no matter what you think of this, you'll stay with me throughout this story until the end. There is still lots of drama and love in this story yet to come!**

**Thank you for reading; please review with your thoughts.**

**-xlovestory.**


	35. Thirty Four

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Thirty-Four.**

She sat across the room, her hot mug of coffee circled in between her two hands, her fingers spaced evenly along the shiny looking surface. She could feel the heat beating through her fingers, running along the sides of her nerves, until it became too hot for her skin to handle, and she had to release her grip. Her bare feet rested on the edge of the wooden stool. At first touch, it had been too cold, and she's ripped her feet away from the rest. She'd banged her toe against the table leg, but the pain had numbed and began to ease. She pressed her hands back onto the cup, ignoring the annoying rubbing sensation that was created by the edges of her dressing gown on her wrists. All she could do was look forward, staring at the fridge door.

This wasn't the first time she'd woken up in the middle of the night. If happened almost every night, with the exceptions of the late night dance meetings. On those nights she would be so shattered that she could fall into bed with her clothes on and not wake until the late hours of the morning. Those nights, her mind was so full of other details that she couldn't think of anything else. But nights like last night, when she found herself alone and silence surrounded her, her mind gave in and thoughts clouded her. Her would go to bed, only falling asleep a few hours later, to be woken before six. She would throw in her dressing gown, walk through to the kitchen, and make herself coffee. Then she'd sit on the same wooden stool at the same kitchen table, and stare. Just like she was now.

That little card haunted her. His name swirled around every crevice of her brain. The numbers never blurred. She had memorised then by heart. Repeated and repeated over and over again, she could remember them clearly. Yet she'd never called. She doubted she would ever call.

She wasn't playing hard to get, or any game for that matter. James had built a wall up, brick by brick, and she'd told herself she'd never rely on a guy again. She has steered clear of relationships for a few years now, the occasional one night stand being the only time she let off steam. But something about Emmett, something in her aura, made her feel like he didn't just want a fling with her. He wanted it all. And that scared her.

He'd probably have forgotten about her now. He'd have realised that she wasn't going to call after the first few days. It had been a few weeks now. He'd have put it behind him and started another search for the woman of his dreams, and she failed to see how he ever could of thought that of her. How could he have looked at Rose and seen that he wanted everything with her. She had tried to keep herself as guarded as possible, but with Emmett he just broke down everything she'd ever tried to hide. Could it have been possible that in those few moments where her shield had been missing that he saw what he wanted in her. No, she told herself, he couldn't have. He'd have forgotten about her now, anyway.

Why did that make her sad?

She had told herself that having him forget her, or her forget him, would make her life easier. It would have done exactly that if she was able to get him out of her head. His image had swam endlessly in her brain for the last few weeks. She'd be cooking dinner and wondered if he liked that type of food. She'd be choreographing a dance and wonder if he would appreciate it as much as he had at her dance show. She would go shopping with Alice and wonder if he would like her in the outfit. She wondered about so many things these days, questioning much more than she used to, and the pinpoint of it all was that it all seemed to surround Emmett McCarthy.

But most of all she wondered if Emmett McCarthy was worth questioning the use of all the walls she had built. Was he the one to pull it all out for? Was he the one that would shatter it into a thousand pieces, but make her feel safer than she had in a long time? And should she call him? She'd been wondering these things for the last few weeks, every time she questioned herself she could never get a straight answer. She just wasn't sure. But she knew she needed more time, to rethink everthing she'd already thought over. She needed to be extra sure before she did anything drastic enough to change her life forever.

She looked to her side, glancing at the phone currently in its stand. It would take approximately six seconds to pick it up and dial - she knew this as she'd done so in many moments of madness. She fingers dared to stretch away from the safety of her cup and skim over the numbers. If only she had the courage to do so, and do it properly. But then what would she say to him? 'Hey, I'm the girl who ran away from you when you wanted me. How you doing?': she doubted how well that would go down. She couldn't call right now anyway. It was considered improper to call at six thirty in the morning. Maybe he was a late sleeper? Maybe he was an early riser? Maybe he went to the gym every morning? So many questions, so little answers.

So she wouldn't call now, and she seriously wondered if she'd ever call at all. She wouldn't try and answer all her questions as her brain was sore from questioning everything all the time. And she wouldn't worry about what today would bring because she was sure she'd find out soon.

For now, she'd just drink her coffee.

-.-.-

That morning, when Jasper woke up, he could feel that something was wrong. He shifted in his bed, trying to get comfy, but the truth was, he never did have a good enough sleep when Alice wasn't there with him. Her warmth and her body so close to his, wrapped in the sheets they shared, was the best way for him to fall into the unknown world of dreams. But when he had woken that morning, he had known that something wasn't right, and he had a feeling it was connected to the woman he loved.

He had tried to call her last night, but to no avail. Her phone had been switched off, and he'd left numerous messages, all unanswered. He had began to worry, fearing her safety, but then he had realised that maybe she had a late shift, or had gone out with either Rose or Bella. If she had been in trouble, he knew she would have called. So he tried not to worry, but he couldn't help fearing the worst.

He glanced over at his alarm clock, bright green numbers telling him it was after ten. He struggled out of bed, throwing off the covers and padding in bare feet over to the bathroom and stepping into the shower. Afterwards he threw on some clothes and wondered into his kitchen, throwing some toast into the toaster for breakfast. He was half way through his meal when the phone began to ring, and the dread in his stomach increased tenfold.

He reached over and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hey Jasper." Alice's voice sounded subdued. It was so unlike her, and almost sounded like another person. He was so used to her cheerful disposition, that it sounded strange. This only added to his fears, and he immediately knew that his feelings had been right: something was wrong.

He pushed his plate away, leaning his elbows on the table as one hand held the phone tightly to his ear. "Hey now, what's the matter?"

He though he heard a small sob, but he could have been imagining it. She answered him. "Can you come over to mine right now, Jasper. Don't worry, it isn't an emergency, but Edward has some news to share with you and Rose."

"Okay, I'll be there as soon as possible. Are you sure you're okay?" He hated hearing his so unlike herself. She sounded so distressed and lost in her own world.

She sobbed; it hadn't been a figment of his imagination. "I don't want to talk about it over the phone, and it's not me that should tell you anyway. You'll understand when you come over."

This only made Jasper worry more. "Okay. I'll be right there."

She sounded choked. "Thank you. I love you, Jasper."

His heart tightened at her words, and them being said in such a sad tone. "I love you too, Alice. So much. I'm leaving now; I'll be there soon."

He let the phone call end, and quickly threw on his jacket and shoes, grabbing his keys before he exited the house. His ran the few blocks to her house, never stopping for a break. Over his journey he pondered all possibilities of what could have happened. It obviously surrounded Edward completely, but what it could be? He couldn't come up with anything. Whatever it was, it made Alice truly upset, and he didn't want to see her that way. When he thought back over their call, Alice had only mentioned himself and Rose being told, suggesting that Bella wouldn't be kept in the know. What the hell was going on?!

His breathing was heaving by the time he reached Alice's street. In the distance he could see Rose, her step quickening like his own as she neared their home. She saw him approaching, and she waved, running over to him. She gave him a quick hug.

"Hey. Did you get a call from Alice too?" Rose asked.

Jasper nodded. "Yeah. It broke my heart hearing her so upset. Whatever it is, it must be something huge. Alice is usually so upbeat, and nothing phases her. Did she give you any clues?"

They began to walk closer to the house. Rose shook her head, a thoughtful look on her face. "None whatsoever. She simply said that it was something to do with Edward and he needed to explain. I've been thinking it over and over but nothing comes up."

"I've got nothing either.' They reached the door. 'But I guess we'll find out now." He shrugged before reaching for the knocker and alerting their presence at the door.

-.-.-

Alice sat on the couch across from Edward, watching his every move. She refused to see him doing anything. If he wanted anything she would get it for him. The less strenuous activity the better Carlisle had said. The only she would let him do was go to the bathroom; there obviously was no way she could help him there. But as soon as he emerged once more, she dragged him, albeit carefully, back to the sofa where he'd been lying since he had woken up at seven, in pain.

The fainting incident seemed to have sparked it off now. It was the catalyst to the whole process. Before that nothing had seemed to be wrong, apart from the few times she'd seem him in pain. She was a nurse, and her eyes were always watching. She'd seen him lose the weight, watched him suffer in silence, and now that he had been diagnosed she knew she had known all along. She'd simply been in denial. Now she had nowhere to hide from the truth, and that terrified her and hurt her more than ever.

But be preoccupying herself she didn't give herself any time to stop and think. If she did she'd break down into a mess and she didn't want Edward to see that. She hated the thought of him suffering more than he had to. She knew he was already blaming himself for getting the disease, and that couldn't be helped. So she kept the thoughts of what would happen over the next few months to a minimum, and would focus on Edward's needs more than her own.

She stared at him, watched his glazed eyes, and saw no emotion. Gone was the man that smiled, laughed, loved. There was no doubt in her mind that he could no longer do those things; they were just deep below the surface now. He had retreated back into the shell he had used before Bella had came and changed him into a better person. The news had changed him for the worse, and she desperately hoped that whatever was to come, wouldn't drag him lower. She hoped he would realise that he needed to grasp everything with two hands now, because he didn't have the rest of his life like he always thought he would.

She looked to the floor, her ears picking up at the sounds of Jasper and Rose's worried voices. "They're here now, Edward."

"I know." There was nothing there. No emotion at all. It made her want to cry.

A knock at the door sent her to open it, leaving Edward behind the in the living room; his new home. She ran her hands through her short black locks, before opening the door and greeting her two friends. Their expressions mirrored what she had felt waiting for the news. Without a word she opened the door wider, letting them in. Rose stepped in first, quickly taking her coat off and hanging it on the rack. Jasper followed, but put both of his hands on her face, making their gazes lock.

That was all it took; the tears began to pour.

She cried silently, into Jasper's chest, and he comforted her the best he could without knowing what was going on. He wanted to ask but Alice needed this time, away from Edward, to let her emotions out. Instinctively he knew that once she stepped through that living room door she would keep all her feelings inside. She needed this, and right now.

Rose watched on from the corner, outside the lines. Her heart ached more than usual to see her friend cry so hard, so full of pain. Her arms wrapped around her own stomach, the pain that Jasper and Alice felt radiating off them so much she could feel it. Subconsciously she wondered where Edward was, and why he hadn't come to greet them as he usually did. Whatever it was she knew she'd have to find out and soon.

Alice pulled away from Jasper's hold, wiping her eyes with the corner of her sleeve, an action that normally would have never been done - 'It might ruin the material!' she would have wailed. But she wasn't herself at the moment, and that fact was blatantly looking both Jasper and Rose in the eye.

"You should come and see him. I don't want to leave him alone for too long." Alice whispered just enough to he heard. She didn't smile; it didn't feel like she was really there at all.

Alice led the way through to the living room, settling down into the chair she had been in before, and gestured to Edward. Edward didn't turn around to greet them. This angered Alice. "Edward, Rose and Jasper are here. They have been kind enough to come and visit you, so you'll bloody well look at them!"

Edward turned to face his sister, somewhat startled by her outburst. Yet his face showed nothing. He looked into her eyes and saw the extra pain he was inflicting. He couldn't do that to her; the loving sister who had always stood by his side. So he looked down, 'I'm sorry, I apologize.' He murmured and turned around on the couch, sitting to face them. Then he caught their eyes.

Rose's face was full of shock. It was clear she couldn't believe what state he was in. His hand covered her mouth in an action he thought was only used in the movies or comic books, but apparently it fit in here. He wondered what he must look like to the onlooker. He hadn't bothered to look in a mirror for fear he might break down. He was already broke as it was.

Jasper's face was unreadable. He was shocked, but not in such a way as Rose. It was a whole jumble of emotions, settling on his skin like a disease. But most of all he could see the pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.

Rose let out a delayed gasp. "Oh God, Edward. What the hell happened?!"

Edward looked over to his sister, begging her with his eyes to tell the story. He didn't wish to relive it, and the intricate details were only just setting in for him.

"You might want to sit down, guys.' Alice began, putting her legs under a cushion before telling her story. 'I cam home from work yesterday, and I knew something wasn't right. I just… knew. So I rushed home and when I got here Edward was standing in the kitchen. He turned to me, looking so painfully ill, and the next I knew he'd fainted collapsing to the floor.' Alice screwed her eyes shut, trying to blank out the memories as she told them. Jasper, kneeling on the floor beside her, stroked her hair in an action trying to comfort. She went on. 'I rushed him to the hospital, and the new doctor Carlisle helped him into a bed and such. He got tests done and… and… Edward…"

Edward sighed, lifting his heavy arms and rubbing his eyes. He was thinning a lot, Rosalie could see, almost so much that she could see the bones in his arms as he moved them. He looked to the floor. "I've been diagnosed with heart cancer." He didn't want to prolong Alice's pain.

At the words he watched as his sibling broke down once more, like the had when the news had first been told. It was taking a long time for the both of them to get the news to sink in. Even though it was unexpected, he had thought of it, and so had she. However the news was so painful that even they couldn't deny it anymore, making the pain worse.

No words were said and he didn't dare look up for fear of seeing those piteous glances he knew would come his way when word got out. He didn't want that.

Jasper was the first to speak. "What does this mean?"

It was such a simple question, one that Edward could answer in so many different ways, but he knew exactly what Jasper was pinpointing. In a way he was thankful Jasper was here. He deflected all the gasps and unneeded sympathetic words. He got straight to the point; Edward liked this about him.

Edward coughed, his body very weak. Alice jumped to his side at vampire speed, lifting a glass of water to his lips for him to drink. She took the glass for her hands, taking them into his own hands, and put the glass of water on the floor. He looked her right in the eye, one hand wiping some shed tears away. From the corner of his eye he saw both Jasper and Rose turn away, noticing this was a private moment.

He leant his forehead on hers. "I'm so sorry, Alice. I'm sorry I'm not acting like myself. I'm sorry I'm putting you through all this. I'm sorry I'm making you angry. And I'm sorry for everything that's going to come. Soon I'm going to rely on you, and everyone else for lots of things, so please, I know you're trying to help, but before I truly go off the rails, let me dot some things myself.' He kissed her forehead and grasped her hands tightly. 'Do you understand? It's not that I don't appreciate…"

Alice released her hands and threw her arms around her brother, in a strong yet gentle hold. "I know, Edward, I know. I'll always be here for you when you need help. I know you're independent, but let me help if you need it, okay?"

He nodded, and then she kissed his head, mimicking his action and went back to Jasper's arms. Edward looked back at Jasper, now ready to answer his question. "It means… a lot of things really. It means I'm terminally ill. It means I feel entirely helpless. But it's the same disease as my father had so I know kind of what happens. However, it's slightly different. Carlisle didn't go into all the details but the basics are that I won't respond to treatments and it's simply just a waiting game.' He looked to his hands, playing with his fingers. 'I'm here for as long as I'm supposed to be."

Suddenly, as if she couldn't take it anymore, Rosalie rushed from her seat and knelt behind Edward, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him closer. At first he was surprised; Rose had never been one to show a lot of emotion, but it was obvious she felt something with his story. Out of all of the group he felt most distant towards her. Maybe she felt it too, and knowing he only has so much time left meant she wanted to get to know him better, So he hugged her arms closer to himself and pressed a little, affectionate kiss on her hand in thanks. She kissed his cheek in reply.

In the background, as Jasper and Alice watched this sudden display of affection from Rose, Alice heard the phone ring. She gathered herself up and walked the short distance. She looked at the caller ID and her breath was taken away. She picked up the receiver and closed her eyes shut. She just needed to get through this. She turned around, aware that everyone else was looking at her.

She looked at Edward, before answering. "Hey Bella." She tried to sound as cheerful as possible, hoping Bella didn't pick up on her fake tone.

Edward's eyes glazed over in pain. His chest began to ache, and not from his newly known illness, but from the thought of Bella, and what he was keeping from her. Since he had been told almost all he could think about was how the people around him were going to react or be told. Bella had always, and would always be at the forefront of his mind. He didn't know when he would tell her, how he would tell her, what he would do, or how she would react. All he knew was that he was pained to have to do this to her.

He could feel Jasper and Rose looking at him, gauging a reaction, but he tried to keep his face void of emotion. He could see Alice getting closer, trying her hardest to lead Bella off the scent that something was wrong. She tried to be upbeat, and it was working so much that only her eyes told of the unease she was feeling.

"… talk to Edward?' She looked at him, and he nodded in silent reply. 'Sure. Just let me get him."

She handed him the phone and had given him precious seconds to prepare himself. He knew, he just knew, that once he heard her voice all the pain he had been trying to hide would break loose. He ran a hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose in concentration.

Then he put the receiver to his ear. "Bella?"

Three…

Two…

One…

_"Edward!'_ She replied with such vigour he could physically feel his heart breaking. _"Gosh, it's so good to hear your voice. I've missed you so much, even though I only saw you yesterday.'_ She laughed. She was correct; she had seen him in the food shop. Everything seemed to be melting into one.

She chuckled slightly, trying to sound as normal as possible. "I've missed you too, love. It's been too long since I've seen you properly."

She made a noise of agreement. _"I know what you mean. Oh, I have the most amazing news, Edward!"_

"What would that be?" He was generally interested.

He could almost see her clapping her hands in an Alice-like action as she couldn't stand not telling anyone anymore. "_You were right, as always. When I got home my mother was so upset, and she begged me to tell her all about Charlie. I did, and they met, and it's so obvious they still love each other. I'm beginning to think they might get together again. Wouldn't that be fantastic? I mean, I don't want to get ahead of myself, but maybe… you know."_

Edward nodded to himself. She was so happy. Who was he to ruin her happiness? He couldn't do that to her! She meant to much to him to make her unhappy. He laughed, a tear slowly falling down his cheek. "That's great. I think Charlie will be much happier now, don't you?"

I could feel her smiling down the phone. _"That's what I'm hoping for. When I visited him earlier yesterday I could just tell he wanted to see her again. I'm making dreams come true,'_ She laughed._ 'Now my mother's so much happier as well. I left so I don't exactly know what happened, but she's singing! That's surely a sign."_

"Yeah, it has to be. How did your mum take knowing about the accident?"

She hmmed. _"Not very well. I had to reassure her a million times that he was better now. At least she'll take extra special care of him."_

Edward felt another tear fall. "That's right." He replied.

There was a beat of silence before Bella whispered. _"When can I see you?"_

Edward looked around the room, searching for a sign of what he should say. All he was met with was faces full of sympathy. He could tell they were thankful they'd never had to go through this. Then he looked directly at his sister, and he knew he had to talk to her. Had to do something. Even if it broke him completely.

He coughed again, everyone around him tensing. "Eh, you could come over before choir practice on Thursday. I know you have to go earlier for show rehearsal, but I can fit you into my busy schedule." He tried to joke. It didn't get him far.

_"Okay. I'll see you then. I love you."_

His felt his heart clench again. "I love you, too."

The phone call came to a close. It was eerily quiet around him, with the only sound being their breathing.

Alice broke the silence. "What are you going to do, Edward?"

About Bella?

I looked into my sisters eyes.

"The only thing I can, even if it kills me."

**A/N; I have two weeks off so I'm going to be typing out chapters like I've never typed before! So note the dates below, and I'll be trying to stick to them:**

**May 26; May 29; June 1; and June 5**

**I'm going to try and type up those five chapters. Obviously, if life gets too busy, it won't happen, but hopefully I'll get there. I know a lot of people want quicker updates to get the drama on the go, and find out what happens next sooner. (:**

**Anyways, that's another chapter. Please review!**

**-xlovestory**

***I'm trying to be as exact as possible about the issue of heart cancer. If I'm getting any of the acts wrong, please PM or review to correct me. I want it to be as true as possible. Thanks, guys.**


	36. Thirty Five

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Thirty-Five.**

She thought he was being stupid. She could see what he was thinking, and she could see what he was going to do. That didn't mean she agreed with it, though. She could tell by the way he was acting that he didn't exactly believe in the idea himself. Edward was up and walking now, slowly than normal, but at least it was something. She knew this was an improvement, but she wouldn't let herself hope for more. Eventually, it would all go downhill, and there would be no improvements.

Today was Thursday. Today was the day when Edward would see Bella. Alice had watched him, and it was clear he was jittery with nerves - and not the good kind. He would walk around the kitchen in circles, his eyes to the floor and his mind full of worries. And when she finally got a glimpse into the eyes that reminded her so much of her mothers, she saw the pain that this decision was putting him through.

She thought it was wrong. He thought she had no clue about what he was going to do, but she knew more than he thought. Alice was always right. She had a way of knowing, and she knew exactly what he had planned. She didn't believe it was the right decision for him, but she could see his way of thinking. He didn't want Bella to go through more pain than she had to. He wanted her to have the world, and unfortunately, he himself wouldn't be able to give it to her any longer. That was what pained him the most.

She knew he'd regret what he was going to do. He'd wake up the next morning feeling like he had nothing left to live for. But she wouldn't say 'I told you so'. There were many ways to look at the situation they were in, and this was just one of the ways of following through and not dragging the woman he loved with him. She wanted him to be happy. But his decisions would do the complete opposite.

She wasn't sure of how Bella would react. She wasn't as easy to read as the others, but when she was in front of you she was a open book. Alice wouldn't be there when Edward was with her. It wouldn't be fair to intrude on their time together. Bella might cry, she might nod, or she might fight. Alice thought the last option was the most plausible. Bella was stubborn and she never gave up on any idea that had a bit of life in it yet. That was Alice's idea of her, anyway.

Edward had watched the clock the entire day, ever since he had woken up, his chest quite painful. She'd found him sitting at the table looking out of the window into the garden, the grass sparkling from the showers of rain they had had during the night. It had caused her to panic, seeing him in such a state, and in the same position as he had been a few days before, when he had fainted. What made it worse was that he wasn't really talking. She couldn't gauge anything from the one word answers he was persistent on giving. He just sat, with his eyes glazed over in a look of sheer emotional pain. It hurt her even to think about it.

The hours had ticked by at a slow pace. He had moved to the living room now, placing himself firmly on the couch to refrain from pacing in the room. For one thing, Carlisle had asked him to rest as much as possible as he would find his strength going down as the disease took over. So he simply sat and looked at the clock on the wall, watching as four o'clock drew nearer. It made Alice on edge, waiting for the inevitable.

He had watched the hour hand tick by and soon enough it came nearer and nearer to four. Alice went upstairs and grabbed her bag and coat, wishing to be out of the house before Bella arrived. This was something Edward needed to do in private, and she wasn't going to stand around and watch her brother make one of the biggest mistakes of his life; even if it was of the best in his eyes.

She swung around the corner, coming back into the room before leaving. She took a few moments to watch her brother, and she could tell Edward knew this. Every time she looked at him now she analysed him. Was he thinner that day? Did he look any better? Did it look like he'd had enough rest? She sighed, wrapping her scarf around her neck. That was the way it would be nowadays, as she couldn't stop worrying for him.

She went up to him, placing a hand on his shoulders, and watched him flinch slightly. She wasn't the only one of edge it seemed. "I'm going now. I was asked to go early to choir, so… yeah. Will you be okay?"

Edward just nodded. He didn't want to talk.

She leant down and pressed a kiss to his cheek. She sighed, still nothing. She turned, muttering another goodbye, before turning around at the door. She ran a hand through her hair, before she began. "Bella really loves you, Edward. Anyone can see that. The last thing you want to do is hurt her, and I get that, but I also know that Bella will stand by you through anything. Please, just… don't do something you'll regret."

And then she left, the door slamming back as it closed.

-.-.-

I had never seen my mother so happy. When she first came to my door, there had been so much pain in her eyes it had been hard to watch. Over time, thankfully, it had become to ease as she took on a normal lifestyle and made new friends. However, it was easy to see that the hurt had now disintegrated, and that was all down to my father.

They say that once you love someone, a part of you will always love them. But not many people get to be with the same person twice, and feel the same connection each time. When Charlie and Renee had first been together, their feelings had been intense and the passion had been too much to hold. Over the few years they were together the passion and intense feelings seemed to ease into almost nothing, but a love they shared for one another remained lurking in the shadows. Now, years on, and a lot of experiences behind them, they had found that the love they once shared was still there and still strong enough to grow a lasting relationship on. What they had now wouldn't be as easy to let go as it was beforehand. They were together now, and I'm pretty sure they're in it forever.

At least that's what I can tell from seeing my mother. She glows now with a new happiness I had always hoped for her - even when she wasn't here a part of my still wondered and hoped she was happy. And she is so much more like the woman I used to know. I haven't seen my father, since my mother is caring for him almost twenty-four-seven now, but I'm guessing he's feeling the exact same as my mother. That's what love does to you. It changes you into something you never thought you'd be, but you love it all the same because the person you love has brought that out in you.

God, I miss Edward.

It had felt like years since I had been with him, truly been with him, again. In truth it had been almost a week, give and take a few days, since I had caught him in the grocery store. Sure, it was lovely to see him, and shopping with him by my side felt the most natural thing in the world - it made me wonder if we would be doing that in years to come. But I wanted more. I wanted to be able to go to his house, or have him to come to mine, and just be with him the entire day. I wanted to go somewhere with him and let it just be us. I wanted to be close to him in a number of ways, and let myself soak in his wonderful presence. Truth was, he'd spoilt me by letting us be together for a whole three days with no-one else around, and I felt myself hungry for something like that again.

But, thankfully, I wouldn't have to wait long. Today was Thursday and I had arranged to come and see him at his house before going to one of the final rehearsals before next weeks Christmas show. I can hardly believe it's December; it feels like it has gone so quickly, yet it feels like I've been with Edward much longer than from September. I guess love makes all concepts of time disappear.

It hadn't seemed that long ago since I had joined the choir and befriended Alice, either. I couldn't wait for the concert, yet knowing I had to sing a solo was eating away at my nerves. It was a surprise, and no-one had been told with the exception of the choir members - hence Alice knowing - and I couldn't wait to see everyone I care about watching. It felt like it was one of the steps on the ladder I had to take in pursuing my dream. Sure, the crowds I was performing in front of made me nervous, but I hoped the excitement for the evening would overlook that.

At that moment Renee came down the stairs, taking me from my thoughts. She looked at me and smiled with so much happiness it made my smile in return. She walked over to the table and grabbed her jacket, pulling it over her shoulders. "Good morning, honey. Where are you off to today?"

Bella shrugged, grabbing her jacket as well and taking her bag in hand. "I'm off to see Edward, and then I'm going for the evening rehearsal for the choir. I won't be home until late, so you can let yourself in with the key, right?"

Renee blushed. "Um… I don't know if I'll be back tonight."

I shot her a quizzical look. I'd never really seen my mother doing the late night party scene, yet as I spent more time with her I began to realise how she was stuck in her twenties and I wouldn't put this past her. I shrugged. "Okay, then. Where are you going?"

Renee looked down, fumbling about in her back amongst some clothes she had stuffed in. "Well, you see, I'm cooking Charlie dinner and if things go well---"

I held up a hand in protest. "Stop! Don't go any further. I get the gist."

Renee laughed and she looked younger than I ever thought she could have. Love was changing her, it seemed, in the looks department too. No wonder my father was in love with her again. "Alright, too much information, I get it. All I'm saying is, I'm sure you've done it with Edward."

A blush rose in my cheeks. "Mum!"

She held her hands up in defence, and then walked into the hall heading for the front door, with my following her out. "Okay, I'm leaving now. I'll see you when I see you, okay?"

I nodded, smiling. "Okay." Thank God this conversation was nearly over.

I jumped into the car and she leant over the open window; she would be walking, it seemed. She kissed my cheek and I grinned up at her. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" She called as she waved me off.

I suddenly wasn't sure about what my mother wouldn't do…

----

When she got to Edward's house all the blinds were closed, and the house looked quite dark. It seemed… lacking in some way. Like all the energy had been sucked out of it all - and that surprised her as surely Alice had enough energy to power most of the USA. But it seemed saddened, and she hoped it was just her imagination going wild.

Bella stepped out of the car, hearing the door slam behind her and she flicked her hand over her shoulder, locking it with the button and hearing that reassuring beep. She walked up the few steps, a sense of dread saturated her stomach. She was unsure of why.

Bella knocked on the door, hearing nothing for a few seconds, before she tried again, albeit a little harder and the lock loosened enough to let her in. Not only was this dangerous, and a little scary (anyone who had hit hard enough could have come in); it seemed so out of place for the Cullens. Alice definitely wouldn't have left the door unlocked. Would Edward have been so unprepared? Whatever it was, the door swung back as she pushed and she let herself in, her heels on the laminate flooring crashing through the silence.

After shutting the door she turned around to face the empty looking home. It looked as if no-one lived here at all. It was dark, with the only light being the streams of sun which came through the little windows in the door. She hugged her jacket closer to her frame, walking forward and trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling wrapping itself around her.

She shivered. "Hello? Edward?" She called, her voice seeming more high-pitched than normal. She felt uneasy. What was going on?

"In the living room, Bella." Edward's voice came through her thoughts, only a whisper. If she hadn't been paying attention she would have lost the sound. She tiptoed forward, pushing open doors in her haste to see the man she loved.

She walked into the room and froze.

Who was this man? He was Edward, but only a shell of the man she had known. He currently sat on the couch, his head bent over, and the light in the corner highlighted the hollowness of his cheeks and the sickly pale colour of his skin. She looked at him more closely, taking in his weak form. Gone were the muscles she had loved to touch and feel them tense under her fingertips. He was skin and bone now. Had it really been that long since she had last saw him? This change couldn't have taken control in under a week - that was impossible!

Other than Edward's heavy breaths the room was silent. The whole house was silent. There was none of Jasper's laughter. None of Rosalie's sarcastic jibes. None of Alice's tinkering footsteps. And definitely the feeling of love had gone. What a devastating transformation.

She inched closer to him, watching him flinch with ever step she took. She hated the way he was reacting to her. What had she done wrong? As she got closer she knelt to the floor beside him, feeling his body heat bounce off her. She reached out to take hold of his face and turn it fully towards her, but as soon as she got close enough to touch he jerked away. She was left frozen, and unwanted. Tears stung her eyes, but she kept them at bay.

She let her hands fall to the floor. "Where's Alice?" was the only question she could form. She didn't want to question him just yet, leaving them for when they would really be needed. A small part of her hoped that he wasn't pushing her away.

"She went to choir early." Edward only gave her a short, quick answer. His voice was monotone, with no feeling at all. He was nothing anymore, only a mask of bone.

She held her breath as she tried again, reached out to him to press her lips to his forehead, but he inched away, scooting up the couch as he went. Could he not hear her heart breaking with every advance he shot down? That feeling of undeniable pain shot through her again and she almost whimpered. She would not go back to the days when she felt nothing and hid herself from the world. She would get to the bottom of this problem, but it was clear she would have to be gentle.

She rocked back on her heels, trying to ignore the numb feeling in her feet. She looked down to the floor. "What's wrong, Edward? Why are you doing this?"

It was a simple question. Yet no answer was give to her. She looked up at him with her tears threatening to fall. Where had her Edward gone? The love and passion in his eyes, the spark she'd felt around him, everything. The silence was eerie around her and blanketed her, threatening to not let her go.

Then Edward broke the silence with a sentence that made her heart clench in pain.

"I can't love you anymore."

She felt all the air sucked from her and she couldn't breathe. Her brain was clouded with haze and nothing seemed to make sense. Where was this coming from? Surely he didn't mean it! He was having a rough day, he'd woken up on the wrong side of the bed. They could ix whatever was wrong and go back to the way things were before, when they had been on Isle Esme, and when everything between them had been perfect.

She knotted her hands together to stop them from shaking. "You don't mean that, Edward. You can't."

He didn't' give her a proper reply.

He only repeated his previous words: "I can't love you anymore, Bella."

Suddenly she couldn't take the feeling of being away from him anymore. She didn't care if she was shoved away, she just needed to touch the skin of the person who used to love her. She felt something overpower her, like a volcanic eruption inside of her, the lava running, shooting through her veins. She would not take his idiotic statements for answers anymore.

She reached out and grabbed his hands. "Don't do this to me, Edward! What has happened to you!' He jerked his hands from her grasp, scouring into the corner of the couch. She ran her hands through her hair, tears streaming now. 'Is it something I've done? I'm sorry that I haven't been spending time with you; my mother needed me. So why is it when everything turns right for her and Charlie you decided to put problems on us.' She reached for him again, wrapping her arms around his bony frame. 'Quit pushing me away, Edward. I'm here for you. I'll fix what I've done."

He sighed heavily, and as if he had no strength left his picked up her arms limply and pressed them to her own sides, before he moved from his position on the couch and walked slowly to the window. When he spoke his voice was hoarse. "It isn't you, Bella. It's me. I don't want you to love me anymore."

"That's impossible, and you know it! How can you even think something like that?! You are it for me. I want you and only you. The love I have for you - the love we share, Edward - it can't be pushed to the side.' She wiped her tears with her shaking hands. 'You can't honestly think I can leave you, do you?"

He refused to look at her. "You have to. Please, just go."

Bella couldn't stand being around him anymore. She got up, wrapping her jacket around her even more in comfort, ignoring the wet marks her tears had made on the fabric. She wiped her eyes furiously. "Okay then, Edward, I will go. But if you think for one minute that this is it between us, you're wrong."

Edward turned to her then, his eyes catching hers for the first time that evening. As they shared that moment, one full of pain - physical and emotional - the other full of confusion and tears, Edward let one inch of his barrier down, and let his eyes show that he didn't want this, but he had to do it. "Don't fight it, Bella. It's the way it's mean to be."

This only confused her more. What the hell was he talking about, she thought. She looked at him again, trying to gauge anything from him, but the moment seemed to have gone. He turned back to the window and looked back into the night, as if searching for something, anything to save him.

"I can't love you anymore; I won't let myself. Therefore I don't want you to love me anymore. That's final." He said with as much finality as his could.

She picked up her bag and went to the door, before turning, and even though Edward couldn't see her properly, his could see her fuzzy form in the glass of the window and a strange sense of déjà vu took over him. "August this year, I went through so much pain Edward. And why was that? Because I had lost you. What I felt for you then doesn't even compare to what I fell now. So if you think I'm going to let you go, you've got another thing coming."

And then, just as Alice had only an hour before, she left slamming the door shut.

-.-.-

Alice could tell her brother had broken up with Bella as soon as she walked into the hall that evening. She was earlier than Alice had expected. She walked up to her, taking her coat off and dumping her bag at the side, already looking over the music sheets. Her tear streaked face stared at the page, willing itself to pick up the notes. She hadn't uttered a word since she had got here.

Alice put a hand on her shoulder. "Did he…"

Bella nodded. "Yes. He did." Alice could tell it was taking all her strength not to cry.

"And what are you going to do about it?"

Bella looked back at her, a new determination in her eyes. "Well, I'm sure as hell not going to let him leave me. I've lived without him once and that was absolute hell. I'm not going through that again."

Alice smiled at her. She knew Bella would fight for the love she held for Edward.

Would Edward be willing to fight, too?

**A/N; Please don't hate me. And don't hate Edward either. He's doing what he thinks is right - just like he did in "New Moon" - and we all know that his decisions in "New Moon" weren't the right ones…**

**I actually updated when I said I would! Look out for a new chapter soon.**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**-xlovestory.**


	37. Thirty Six

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Thirty-Six.**

The last six days has left my heart feeling a loss. It is empty, like all the love I had been given by Edward has been sucked away. I haven't heard from him; I haven't seen him. It was like he had never existed, and I have no doubt in my mind that that was what he had wanted. He had made his point very clear that Thursday evening; he didn't want me anymore. He wouldn't allow himself to love me. But why? He had always told me that I had brought him so much happiness - why would he not want himself to be happy? It made absolutely no sense. But he had kept to it, and I had not seen a single sighting of him.

I had thrown myself into choir rehearsals; anything to stop myself from pondering every word he had given me on that night. I had gone over and over the scenario, never getting to a conclusion that satisfies me. I'm not giving up, I just have to figure out what I can do to win back his affections, and make him sure of how much I love him. I have sang my heart out every night - for we have so many rehearsals to go to, to get it perfected. But there had been something missing in my voice. The emotion has disappeared, and me solo piece had become fruitless. The song, completely about love, suddenly has no meaning to me. I don't feel the connection I had felt to it anymore, than when I first heard it. The only way that my solo would become a great piece would be for it to mean something to me, and for Edward to see it too. I'd just have to wait and see what happened.

It was currently eight in the morning. The house was virtually silent except for the creaks and dripping tap. My mother, once again caught in the web of love my father and her had spun, had sneaked off in the night, borrowing my car to take her to his house. This wasn't the first night it had happened, either. Ever since last Thursday, when she had used her mother's instincts on me to find out what had me so upset, she had been hiding their relationship. I knew why she was doing this; she figured it would only hurt me more to see someone else so happy. But I was happy for her, and she didn't need to sneak away in the night just to see him. I didn't mind them showing their relationship - it may hurt seeing them so in love, as Edward and I once were, but I think it would only spur me on to try and win him back again. Which I would do; I wouldn't give up.

But the house, seemingly lifeless, was doing nothing to bring me out of my depression. Without thinking I put on whatever my hands touched in my wardrobe, grabbed my coat and bag, and exited the house. Without any car I couldn't go far, so I settled on letting my feet take me wherever they pleased. They walked past the small piece of woodland near my house and into the town. It was dead, with only a few people wandering around. My eyes lit up at the thought of coffee and the Starbucks around the corner, where Rosalie used to work, called to me.

Once there I order a caramel latte and took a seat further into the café, not wanting to sit too the near the front and watch as the rush-hour began. It wouldn't be much of a rush-hour - Forks only held a little over 3000 people, but with nothing else to do as they walked, people tended to watch the people in the windows. I should know; I'd found myself doing it a couple of times.

I shrugged out of my jacket then took a sip of the hot liquid, feeling the burning sensation as it ran quickly down my throat. I sat back, taking in my surroundings. It wasn't particularly busy, with only a few business men running in for their morning refreshment. The place looked empty, and the tables and chairs were neatly in line, which wouldn't last that long. The music, a soft classical piece, wormed it's way through the speakers, and with a grimace I realised it was 'Claire De Lune' by Debussy. Edward's favourite. I closed my eyes and let the melody drift over me, my thoughts wandering back to Edward.

A few minutes later the bell rang as the door opened. My eyes snapped open to see a man who looked very familiar. He had a bulky form, but could not be called fat - it was all muscle. His hair was short and curly, a dark brown that looked almost black in some lighting. As he turned my way, looking for a seat, I caught his eyes and watched the faint sparkle that seemed to be in the iris. How lovely; to me they didn't compare to the luscious green Edward had, but this man's eyes lead to a fondness that was certainly likable.

The man looked at me closely, as if wondering if he had ever met me before - I was thinking the same. He slowly edged towards me, and looked at the seat opposite me. I gestured for him to sit down before he had asked, making a slight blush appear on his cheeks. He had a sort of brotherly charm, and for another short moment I could have sworn I'd met him before.

He placed his coffee down on the table and shrugged out of his suit jacket. He leaned forward slightly, looking at me again. A small frown decorated his features, making little lines appear at the top of the bridge of his nose. "I think I've met you before…' I made no comment as he obviously wasn't finished studying me. A few moments later and he broke into a grin, suddenly triumphant. He nodded to himself before explaining. "Ah, yes. I met you at Rosalie's dance show. I'm Emmett."

Realisation came to me and I could visualize the moment I'd first saw him. I'd always thought he was friendly. I remembered the moment that Rose had watched him, just minutes after she had cried on my shoulder telling me her terrible story. I had seem something in her eyes; an appreciation for the man in front of her. I smiled a little, nodding in return. "Yes, I remember you now. I'm Bella. That was a great night."

He placed his arms on the table, his elbows leaning off, an his looking down as his thumbs rolled. "Yes, I remember that night well. That was the first time I'd met Rosalie, and I remember being in awe of her choreography."

I nodded, taking another sip now that the latte had cooled a little. "Anyone would be; she has amazing talent. I wouldn't be surprised if she had another show at some point, with all the success she had with the last…' I trailed off, suddenly aware of something. I let my head rest in the palm of my hand, and looked at Emmett. 'You say it as if you'd seen her after that night." I questioned him.

He looked up to me, pain lurking in those eyes that moments ago seem so full of life and happiness. He shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. It wasn't working. "I, uh… I was in New York and she was there with her friend Alice."

I smirked. "I can't really imagine you at a fashion show, Emmett." I commented, trying to lighten the mood.

He laughed and the sound made the picture appear brighter. "Are you trying to say I don't take pride in my appearance?' He asked, and I laughed in return. He smiled as he continued. 'No, I was there for business. I check locations for different events, which usually leads me to having free access to the events. But I also work for some entertainment executives as well.' I stared at him dumbly. He chuckled. 'It isn't as exciting as it sounds.' Then he became serious again. 'I met her again at the after party."

I added a little more sugar to my drink. "And did anything… happen between you two?" Rosalie had been acting a little strange ever since they got back from their trip.

He raised his cup to his lips, and then placed it back on the table. "I suppose you could say that.' He ended, but I prompted him for more. "At the show we talked for quite a while. I found myself really starting to like her and find her interesting, and believe me, in my business it's hard to find that in a person.' He chuckled. "We were getting along great, and although she was slightly hesitant to start with, she warmed up to me. Then it all went wrong because my idiot of a cousin made her believe I was already with someone. I found her just before she left and gave her my number, but to no avail. She doesn't want to know me, and unfortunately I can't get her out of my head."

I looked down. It wasn't in Rosalie's nature to like a guy. She had had such a bad past that any steps with a guy now were taken very slowly. I had learned that for Rosalie to even think about being with a guy she had to know him incredibly well and have his complete trust. But Emmett knew nothing of this; he'd only just met her. I had to give him some sort of reassurance, since he seemed to be at the end of his tether.

I reached over and placed my hand on his, giving it a sort, friendly, squeeze. He looked up at me and gave me a thankful smile. "I've not known Rosalie for that long - only a few months - but I know her inside out. It's not that she doesn't want you, or not that I know of anyway. Trust me on this one."

He gave me an exasperated look, before running his hands over his short head of curls. "But why? If I could just know why she hasn't called, or why she was so off with me that day after I'd apologised and made everything right again. I want to be with her, Bella, I really do, but how can I be if she wants nothing to do with me. She didn't even call, I thought she would at least do that."

"Rose is just very protective of herself and her heart. She's been through a lot." I answered.

He took another drink of his coffee, and smiled sadly. "I could tell. I mean, she was so guarded, and she looked at me as if she was scared I would hurt her. Has she… been hurt before."

I nodded. "Badly. But it's not my story to tell. I'm sure, if you gave her enough time to get to know you and learn to trust you, she'd give you the time of day, so to speak. You seem like a good guy, and I think you'd go quite well together. You'll se her tomorrow, anyway."

He grinned at me cheekily. "My plan has been unravelled, hasn't it?"

I nodded, giggling. "It was pretty obvious. Sure, you have the excuse of checking out another venue, but you've already seen it before, at the dance show. You'd known she'd be there.' I shrugged. 'You were just taking the initiative." I smirked.

"You're right; I was. But enough about me. What about your relationship?" He asked politely, as if he was generally interested. I could see he wished he hasn't once the sadness poured into my eyes and I grimaced.

I looked down, whispering. "Or lack of relationship right now."

He sounded surprised. "Really? I mean, wow. You seemed really close when I last saw you. I didn't think in a month of Sunday's something would happened between you and… Edward, was it?"

I nodded. "Yeah. That's what I thought. But suddenly he 'doesn't want me to love him anymore'' I quoted. 'It's so confusing for me. Once minute we were so happy, the next this happens. And it was so sudden, like a switch had turned off. But I don't care. He can try and stop me all he wants but I'll get him back again. I lived without him once and I'm not going through that. No way."

He gulped the rest of his coffee down. "Good luck Edward."

I smiled. "That's what I was thinking."

----

When I got back home my car was in it's rightful place in the driveway. My mother's head popped through the curtains at the sound of my outside, which had been left closed in my hast out of the house that morning to clear my head. When I walked out that door I had no idea I would meet a man who loved one of my best friends, and have such an insightful conversation with him.

I waved to me mother, beckoning her outside and after a few minutes she came outside and locked the door again. She smiled shyly at me. "You weren't in when I got back."

I smirked. "From sneaking out in the middle of the night to sleep at your boyfriends. And I thought I was the daughter…"

Renee, in a annoyed teenager action, whacked my arm and I rubbed it to sooth the pain. I shook my head before muttering 'get in the car' and we drove off to pick up Rose and Alice. Yes, we would be going to Alice's house, and yes, there was a chance of my seeing Edward. As I drove I tried to calm my nerves, and put on a nonchalant front. I was yet to find out if it was working.

As we winded around the roads of Forks on our way, Renee popped up with conversation. "So, have you thought about what type of dress you would like to wear for tomorrow night. It has to be a dark colour to blend in with the others, doesn't it?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it does. And you know I'm useless in the fashion department. Why do you think I'm dragging you all along as well, except for the fact that Alice wants a new dress too?"

Renee just giggled in response. Tomorrow's show would, no doubt, be one of the best, and most nerve-racking nights of my life. I would sing to my heart's content, and hope it was enough to please the audience and most importantly, Edward. Today's shopping trip would involve trying to find both Alice and I a dress to wear. They weren't to be too 'out there' so we would all blend in with each other. I would leave Alice to her magic, and let her find a dress for me.

My thoughts had consumed me, and I blinked when I found we had arrived at Alice's house. I parked on the curb and watched as my mother undid her seat belt and went out of the car. I, however, was frozen in place and couldn't make myself move from my seat. Images and memories of the last time I was here haunted me in that moment. Renee poked her head in the car and gave me a small smile. "Are you coming?"

I looked down. "Um… yeah, Mum. How about you go in and get them and I'll wait outside with the car." She gave me one last glance and then set off. After a few deep breaths I manoeuvred myself from my seat, got out, and faced the house, leaning against the side of the car. The metal was frostily cold against the small sliver of skin where my jumper didn't cover. I crossed my arms to keep me warm, and looked down; gravel was most interesting.

I looked up out of instinct when I heard the door open, thinking it was Alice and Rose. It wasn't. Our eyes locked over the space between us, and the air had never felt so thick. The space between the house and my car acted like a barrier and I wondered if he, or I, or indeed any one of us would cross it. I took a moment to really look at him. Somewhere in my mind I had hoped that in the event of seeing him again, I would recognise the man I had grown to love, but he wasn't there. It seemed he had vanished for good. Now Edward was skin and bone, quite pale and his eyes were no longer alight, the life in them gone. It made me unbearable sad, and I wanted to look away, but wouldn't allow myself. He seemed to be doing the same to me, analysing me, dissecting every part of my under scrutiny. I doubted he was doing it out of love.

"Bella." He said in greeting. His voice was cold.

I felt the tears build. "Edward." I wanted to remain strong and unaffected, but every time since that day I seemed to crumble. My voice cracked on the second syllable.

For a moment I thought I saw a flash of pain, but as soon as it appeared it was gone. A flash of my imagination. A trick of the wintry light. Something I longed to see. I wanted him to do something, anything, to make me think he was really there, that he was really living. He seemed a shell now.

He remained silent, and I started to wonder why he had come out in the first place, if he had nothing to say or do. Under obligation, perhaps. I shrugged to myself. I was no longer his concern, and every minute of my day was consumed by him. How ironic.

The door behind him opened and the three woman stepped out. Their chit-chat stopped as soon as they saw us standing there in complete silence. Their silence followed as their heads snapped from either one of us. Finally, as if not being able to stand any more, Alice walked forward. "I'll be back later, Edward. Have a good time with Jasper." The others followed her as she went and she climbed into my car.

I simply stared into his eyes as they wondered into the vehicle, asking him all the questions that I couldn't ask out loud for fear of breaking down. He gave me no answers. He stared back blankly, and I have never felt so unloved in my life before. As this thought graced my brain a strangled sob wracked my form. That flash of pain in his eyes went off again, unmistakeable. I wanted him to run to me and wrap me in his arms, but I knew he wouldn't - maybe in the past but not now. As the tears made their way down my face and my body started to shake from the exhaustion of it all. I felt a pair of small arms wrap around me and take me back to the car, settling me in the back seat this time - Alice would drive for us. I leant my forehead against the glass, my tears transferring onto the pane, and watched as Edward's face faded with every turn of the cars wheels.

-.-.-

As Edward watched the car drive away, he continued to look into Bella's eyes as they moved further and further. He couldn't stop himself from noticing the pain written in those dark brown orbs he loved so much. He'd put that pain there, and he knew fine well that he could fix it. But he wouldn't allow himself. No matter how many times he told himself he didn't love her anymore, he still knew in his heart he did. But that didn't matter anymore. It was better this way; he didn't want to drag her down with him. She deserved to have everything she wanted, and as time progressed she would forget about him and be able to do all those things with another person. He pretended that that thought didn't make his blood boil.

When the car was just a distant memory and all he was left with was the guilt that wracked him for making Bella feel that way, he let his feet take him back into the house, wearily, and I from the cold. His body was tired, emotionally and physically. He wandered into the living room and collapsed back onto the sofa which he had inhabited for the last week or so. Jasper said nothing, and only looked at his face.

He had tried, desperately, to not regret his decision. It had took him everything that day to let her go, instead of bringing her back and apologising profusely; like he hand wanted to. And it had taken everything for him today to not rush into her arms and beg for forgiveness. But he stood by his decision, no matter how stupid his friends and sister thought he was, and hoped that at the end of this all, she'd be happy. Somewhere. Someone.

Her last words to him had given him something to hold onto. He believed them completely, and even though some part of him hoped that she would forget and move on, the other part told him that he knew he too well to think that; she would follow through. This thrilled him slightly. She had told him she would fight for him, no matter what happened, they would be together eventually. And then he had seen her so broken a few minutes go and he wondered if she had the strength to pull them both through this split. He fiercely hoped she did.

Jasper coughed, grabbing his attention. "So… you saw Bella."

Edward nodded.

"And she broke down." Jasper stated.

Again, he nodded.

"And you didn't wonder, even in the slightest, if what you had done was wrong?" Jasper's voice held an undertone of spite. He couldn't blame Jasper. If he was looking at the situation from the outside, he'd probably have the same view. It didn't help that these secret hopes had not been voiced to anyone but himself.

Edward ran his hand through his hair. "It's complicated, Jas."

Jasper shook his head, trying to rein his anger in. It wouldn't help to blow up. "No, it isn't as complicated as you are making it, and you know it yourself.' Jasper gritted his teeth. 'I have known Bella all my life, and she has had her ups and downs as you well know, but believe me when I say I've never seen her as happy as she is when she'd with you. Don't deny that this 'thing' you've got going on is hurting you both."

Edward leaned forward on his knees, now quite bony. "I'll admit it, okay. I've hurt Bella much more now than I would have if I told her, and I'll also admit that I've never felt such emotional pain as when I see what I'm doing to her. I love Bella so, so, much. So much that I want the next stages in her life to be perfect. I want her to get married, have children, live out the dreams that she has. But none of that can be done with me anymore. And that fact kills me.' Edward felt a single tear drip down his cheek. 'So it may not look like it now, but I'm trying to protect her from the truth, and give her the future she deserves."

Jasper looked down, guilt seeping into his from being so angry at this broken man. He moved over to the couch and sat beside Edward, patting his back in comfort. "I know what you're trying to do, and I can see the long time benefit. But you've forgotten one vital detail…' Edward raised his head to look at Jasper. Jasper smiled slightly. 'The only thing that can make her happy is you. She loves you through and through, and she'll fight for you and her to be together again, I know that. If you were with her she'd stick by you through all of the illness. And in a way, maybe that would be the better way to say goodbye. Spend the time you have left loving her and making her happy."

Edward nodded. Once again, Jasper was correct.

-.-.-

Alice held a different dress in each of her hands, holding them up to the light at watching the faces of the three woman in front of her. One smiled widely, nodding enthusiastically at both the choices, paying particular attention to the intricate beading on the one in her left hand. Another reached out and grinned while her fingers ghosted over the soft fabric. And the other, sitting in the middle of the other two, looked at both of them, her tears now gone with the only evidence being the red rims around her eyelids. The one thing that showed she had recovered was the gleam of determination in her eyes now. Instead of cowering back and forgetting about the man she had a new sense of willingness and was determined to get him back. She shrugged her shoulders at the two dresses. "Either. Whatever you think is best." Bella never had been one for clothing.

Alice, for once not goading her about choosing her own clothes to suit her style, she turned and looked at both the dresses critically. Then she looked back at Rosalie and Renee. She nodded. "The royal blue. It'll look perfect against your skin tone."

Bella smiled up at her friend for not pushing. "Okay." She agreed, and made her way with the dress into the changing room. A few minutes later and a few banging noises from inside the dressing room, Bella emerged. All three made noises of appreciation and Renee gasped, a few proud tears settling into her eyes. "You look so beautiful. You'll be an angel up there."

Rose nodded. "Edward won't be able to take his eyes off you, Bella. You'll get your man back in no time at all."

Bella smiled at her friend before turning in the mirror. "That was what I was hoping."

Now she had the perfect dress.

And an idea of the perfect song.

All she had to do was wait for tomorrow to begin to take back Edward's heart.

Little did she know, she had always had it.

**A/N; Only one day late, but I have been kind of busy. I think this was the first chapter I have actually written that I felt tears spring to my eyes, and it wasn't even one of the more dramatic chapters! I know exactly what is going to go from here, and maybe that's what set me off. Who knows? Anyway, I really liked this chapter for some reason, and I hoped you did too. Look out for another update very soon.**

**But for now, please review!**

**-xlovestory.**


	38. Thirty Seven

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven.**

Alice sat eagerly backstage. The church hall which had once been almost silent was now filled with excited chatter. She was practically bouncing in her seat. She sat with her hands under her thighs, glued to the seat afraid that if she moved she'd run onto the stage and burst into song. Her small but toned legs jiggled and her feet made tapping noises on the floor. Her dark purple dress swished with every move she made, making the silky fabric rub against her knees, producing goose bumps. In fact, she had goose bumps all over her body; she was so excited, too excited it seemed.

Bella, sitting beside her, was another story all together.

Bella sat with her hands on her lap, fiddling with her fingers as she pondered different thoughts in her brain. The stress lines across her head alerted Alice to the notion that Bella was not only nervous about the performance, but also seeing Edward on stage. Her legs were crossed, a small ankle bracelet decorating her skin, the trinkets falling and bouncing against the material of her black flats. Her hair, which Alice had done before hand, was no slightly messy from the amount of times she had ran her fingers through her locks - a trait she had picked up from Edward. In short, she was incredibly anxious and nothing Alice could say or do could stop her from being this way.

From where they were sitting they could see a slither of the stage through a slightly open curtain. The front row seats were always reserved for family and friends of the performers, and she was in perfect view of where her friends would sit. The little sticky notes glued to the back of their seats read their names in Angela's neat scrawl. Angela, was the pianist - Ben's - wife.

After a few moments her ears tuned into the sound of a voice she knew all to well. She got off her seat, slightly startling Bella and moved to get a better view from the curtain. And there he was; her Jasper, all dressed up in an immaculate suit. He looked stunning. To his side was Rose who was looking around and smiling. Alice smiled at this; ever since her encounter with… Emmett, was it? she hadn't been herself at all. Al least tonight she looked like she was ready to enjoy herself. Alice scanned the area near him and a sense of dread filled her stomach filled with dread.

No Edward.

She stood up straight from her slightly crouched position and thought for a moment. Where could he be? He had never missed one of these shows in all the time she had been a member of the choir. What's more, he had promised to make an appearance tonight, even if he was in pain - she had begged him earlier that if indeed he was I pain he wasn't to go, but he had said he felt a lot better than any of the other days since getting out of hospital so she knew he would come. But what worried her more was what she would say to Bella. She would be curious as to whom she had seen. She would just have to reassure her he'd be there soon.

She went back to sit in her seat. She could feel Bella's eyes on the side of her face. Then Bella asked, "Did you see anyone yet?" The tremor in her voice made her nerves seem even more extreme.

Alice nodded. "Jasper and Rose have arrived already."

"Oh." was the only reply Alice gained. She looked at Bella, who's head was now hung and Alice was sure she was doing that thing to try and hide her face to stop her emotions from being seen.

Alice reached out and grasped Bella's hand tightly. "Don't worry. He'll be here soon. He's probably somewhere talking to your parents."

As Alice said this she glanced back at the slither of space in the curtains and noticed that Renee and Charlie hand already arrived, hand in hand, and were now taking their seats with Jasper and Rosalie. Still no Edward.

"Alice?" A voice called, bringing her from her thoughts. Both her and Bella's head popped up at the sound, and Angela proceeded to walk towards them both. She smiled easily. "Right, I'm just running through the schedule. Now, due to a minor emergency with Melissa - her brother has taken ill suddenly and she has to catch a plane soon - I've swapped the times you'll be performing. That means you'll be on just before Bella.' Angela looked again, and smiled while Alice nodded in agreement. Angela stood up again from crouching and murmured. 'Now, do you know where I can find Bella?"

Bella looked up again and waved her hand. "That'd be me."

Angela turned swiftly and looked at her, before a grin set onto her face. "Bella! Oh, how nice to meet you again!' Bella leaned back a little, confusion in her eyes. Angela rolled her eyes at herself and stuck out her hand. 'Sorry. You don't remember me. I'm Angela, a nurse at Forks hospital. I treated your father."

Realisation set off in Bella's dark drown orbs and she smiled a real smile for the first time that day. She nodded, shaking Angela's outstretched hand. "Yes, I remember now. How've you been?"

As there conversation took a new form and Alice was sure that Bella would be fine chatting with Angela, she made her escape through he backdoor and wandered down the rows of seats, waving to a few people she recognised.

She skipped along to the front row and greet everyone. "Hey everyone."

At once they all shot up to hug Alice, encouragement in all of their words. Rosalie pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek. Both of Bella's parents patted her on the back, and then Jasper pulled her in for a kiss. She smiled up at him. "Your look beautiful, Ali." He murmured into her neck sending shivers down her spine. "I can't wait to hear that beautiful voice of yours." He stared into her eyes lovingly.

She stroked the collar of his shirt. "Thank you. You should see Bella; she's a complete mess back there. But I think, gradually, her nerves are turning into excitement.' Alice turned to everyone who was listening. 'She did a rehearsal this morning. Believe me, you'll be knocked off your feet."

Murmurs of excitement circled the group. Jasper wrapped an arm around her waist. "I have no doubts that both of you will steal the show. And if Bella is a mess, you should see Edward."

Alice bit her lip. "Where is Edward?" She looked around again trying to spot that unique bronze mop of hair.

Jasper groaned. "She should be here soon. He was busying in his study when we left. Don't worry; he'll be here."

Alice nodded. She hoped he would be. Bella couldn't do this without him.

-.-.-

Edward looked in distaste at himself in the mirror. This suit was a joke on him now. It floored him, making him seem anorexic. There was no definition of muscle on his torso, and nothing to bulk up the fabric. In short, he looked a mess. The suit jacket made him look even more like a fool, so his shrugged that off and let it drop to the floor of his study, which had suddenly turned into his room; he had everything he needed there - almost. He grabbed a belt and tied the trousers tighter, then he placed a t-shirt - or two - inside the shirt to make it look like there was more flesh than there was, and he tucked it into his waist. Slightly more presentable, he thought.

He stepped away from the mirror and let the back of his legs hit the side of his bed, making him sit down. Upstairs Jasper sung quietly to himself as he dressed, and Rosalie's heels could be heard on the flooring on the kitchen a few doors down. There was life in this house, but none of it seemed to be evolving around him.

He let his feet curl backwards, under the bed, until he felt them hit someone solid. Curious, he bent down by the side of his bed, feeling the small amount of muscles in his legs protest. He felt deftly under the frame until he felt a wooden corner, and proceeded to pull it from the darkness. As soon as it was half uncovered he knew exactly what it was. The thought of them brought tears to his eyes. He lifted the lid, watching the specks of dust move and jump into the air. Inside where about twenty bits of paper, all folded neatly, all yellow with age and being away from oxygen and light. Carefully, he moved himself so he sat on the floor and picked one out of the box, unfolding and beginning to read.

_Today, my sweet Bella, we are on Isle Esme. Last night I told you all about my childhood and felt as if an invisible weight had been lifted from my shoulders - I can't begin to thank you for making me unburden. Now I feel completely alive and able to begin and new life, with you by my side. You are---_

He stopped reading, tears blurring his vision. He folded it again and placed it back in the box as gently as he could. He reached for another, further down in the pile. Again, he unfolded and read,

_My dear Bella, or am I allowed to call you that anymore? You were never properly mine, but I am definitely yours. You have my heart, completely. It is breaking with very moment we spend apart. I should have explained instead of acting the way I did. If I had, we wouldn't be going through this separation. Maybe you'll get over me, maybe you'll still have feelings for me, or maybe I'll never know. All I know is that I miss you terribly and I've realised now… I love you. You---_

The tears which had been kept to the confines of his sockets leaking through and spilled onto his pale, hollow cheeks. Their separation then had left him feeling empty, just as he did now. He let the letter fall back into the envelope, not being able to read any more. Drifting up those memories only hurt him more, and made him realise how stupid he had been. They made him regret.

**_"Bella really loves you, Edward. Anyone can see that. The last thing you want to do is hurt her, and I get that, but I also know that Bella will stand by you through anything. Please, just… don't do something you'll regret."_** Alice's words haunted him.

On impulse he grabbed the notebook and pen which were hidden beneath the pile of letters and began to write. He told the page everything, from being diagnosed wit heart cancer, to separating with Bella. He told of how his heart was breaking, but he was doing it for Bella because he thought it was best. Minutes of hours later he heard Jasper calling him from upstairs, telling him they were leaving.

"I'll be there soon. I'll drive myself. I'm busy." He called back, his voice hoarse from the crying.

As he finished the letter with his signature, he read it over again, taking in his words. That's when he realised how naïve he had been. How could he have thought that he could live without her? He didn't know, but he knew he'd only be happy in the last few months of his life if Bella was with him.

She was still fighting for him, so maybe, just maybe, he had a chance. He had to try.

Without another thought he grabbed a different jacket and headed upstairs, out of the house and into his car.

-.-.-

Emmett stepped up to the booth and held out his ticket for the collector to see. The man nodded and let him pass through and he stepped into the hallway. All around were people of different looks, sizes and nationalities, all here to see Fork's choir. It was easy to see that the choir was popular, judging by the number of people here to see the show. He turned his head to the right and his eyes caught a poster advertising the show. In the corner was a small picture of Bella, with words expression how new and talented she was. He smiled. He couldn't wait to see her perform. But more than that, he was anxious to see Rose.

He followed the main stream of people and stepped into the large hall he'd been in a few months before. Christmas was coming - it was the first week in December - and the hall was decorated to the nines. A large Christmas tree was the left of the stage, while fairy lights decorated along the front and up the banisters of the staircases. Paper snowflakes were littered around the walls and a soft dusting of white sand was on the floor. He thought it looked fantastic. He stood towering above the rest and for once he was thankful for that. He placed his hand up to shade his eyes from the fierce light and scanned the hall. At the from the spotted Alice, her small body in a beautiful purple dress. She kissed her boyfriend on the cheek and ran off up the other side of the hall. He followed to where she had been standing. When he was standing just beside Rose, he coughed lightly.

She looked up at him, shock filling her eyes. They softened as she took him in and she let out a small smile. She had thought about this moment - the moment they would meet again - a million times. She had conjured up every reaction he could give her. She had never thought she would be this at ease; only slight hesitance filtering through her thoughts. In the back of her mind she knew this was what she'd been waiting for all along. For him to find her. She stood up and outstretched her hand. "Emmett. It's nice to see you again."

As soon as she had turned to him he had forgiven her for not calling and judging him wrongly. He grinned back at her and slipped his hand into hers, feeling the electric spark between them. A slight blush appeared on her cheeks and he knew then that this was another side to Rose she was showing him. A more vulnerable side, and it made him fall for her even more. She was giving him a chance, and he was going to take it.

She smiled back up at him. "Do you have somewhere to sit?"

He shook his head sadly. Their hands where still encased in each others, and she made no move to let go. This made his heart soar inside.

She gestured with her other hand to the seat next to her, blushing again. "You could sit there, I mean… if you want to."

He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it gently. She was overwhelmed by emotion for this man. If she had known she would feel like she was home with him she would have called him long before and avoided all the worrying and fretting. All the tears. As his lips touched his skin she felt goose bumps erupt. She squeezed his hand, and they sat down together in a comfortable silence. Their hands stayed entwined.

After a few moments Emmett leaned over and greeted Jasper, who was sitting excitedly waiting to see his love perform. More people were getting into their seats now and Rose briefly wondered where Edward was. As if he had heard her he turned around the corner of the hall and she raised her hand for him to notice. He found them and came along, slightly out of breathe, falling into his seat as he said hello.

Jasper turned to him, curious. "Where've you been? Alice was getting worried you weren't going to turn up."

Edward shook his head, running a hand through his hair. "I had things to do, thoughts to review, realisations you might say."

Jas rolled his eyes. "And what have you 'realised', Edward?"

He looked towards the stage. "What a fool I've been thinking I could live without her. I may have a limited time left, but it's time enough."

Jasper broke into a smile. "That's what I've been telling you all along."

Edward smiled slightly. "It just took me longer to catch on.' He looked around Jasper to see Rose holding hands and talking to another, somewhat familiar man. His brow quirked. 'Why do I recognise that guy?"

"He went to her dance show, remember? That night you have your first pain?' Edward nodded and Jasper continued. 'Apparently they met in New York, things got in the way, but they look like it's been sorted out. They look good together, don't you think?

Edward smiled as the lights dimmed. "Yeah. They go well together."

-.-.-

I stood fiddling with my fingers as a man in the production company fixed a ear piece contraption into my ear. He told me it'd let me hear myself when I sang, and I was all for that - it wanted to get the right pitch. But that was the last of my worries. Alice had mentioned, just an hour ago, that Edward hadn't arrived yet. Unable to see, they both didn't know if he was there. I desperately hoped he would be. And then there was the fact of not knowing what I would do when I saw him. Would I break down again, on stage this time? It was an unknown world out there, on that stage, alone except for the piano and Ben.

I stood by the side of the stage, where Alice was performing now. From my position I could see a part of the crowd, but not the part where our friends were sitting. I wanted to look around the curtain and see if he was there, but didn't allow myself - I would be caught by the streaming lights. So I stayed in my place and watched as Alice sang to the crowd; a beautiful had she. As I realised the song was coming to an end the nerves in my stomach grew.

Angela came to my side and whispered. "Don't look so nervous. You'll do great. Ben has said amazing things about you."

I smiled back at her, not trusting my own voice. I wanted to conserve it for my performance. Alice's piece came to an end, the notes floating away to the back of the room, and the applause began. Alice smiled, a small giggle releasing itself from her throat and catching the microphone. She took a small bow and exited the stage.

She came to me, bouncing on the spot. "Ah, that was amazing. Such a great feeling.' She noticed my worried expression and placed and hand on my shoulder. In the back of my mind I hear myself being introduced. Alice smiled at me, calming me. "You'll do great; you're rehearsal was fantastic. He's out there, waiting for you." I caught the double meaning and my heart seemed to rejoice. Ben was waiting, and so was Edward. My beloved Edward. The man I was about to fight for. This thought made me more determined than ever, and after giving a quick kiss on the cheek to Alice, I walked onto the stage with a new found confidence.

I stood behind the microphone and gave a large smile. "Good evening." Murmurs returned from the audience, making her go on. "On behalf of the Fork's choir I would like to thank you for coming tonight. All the money raised from the tickets is going to our chosen charity.' A small amount of applause intercepted. 'This is the last song of the night, so I hope you enjoy it…' I sought out the front row and my eyes immediately connected with Edward. I held his gaze, it giving me strength. 'This is, 'And I'm Telling You (I'm Not Going)'.

I held Edward's gaze, watching realisation flicker through his eyes, then hope, and then love. It confused me for a second, but I knew I would take whatever I was given; anything was better than nothing. I closed my eyes for a second, listening to Ben as he snapped his fingers, and then I began, firstly acapella, then the soft sound of violins began.

_And I am telling you_

_I'm not going_

_You're the best man I'll ever know_

_There's no way I can ever go_

_No, no, there's no way_

_No, no, no, no way I'm living without you_

_I'm not living without you_

_I don't wanna be free_

_I'm staying_

_I'm staying_

_And you, and you_

_You're gonna love me_

I started out relatively softly, not using the full power my voice held. The crescendo of the music stirred within me and I felt that familiar feeling take our - completeness. I stared into the deep green eyes of Edward, and told him everything I felt through my eyes and the words of the song as it continued.

_And I am telling you_

_I'm not going_

_Even though the rough times are showing_

_There's just no way, there's no way_

_We're part of the same place_

_We're part of the same time_

_We both share the same blood_

_We both have the same mind_

_And time and time, we've had so much to share and_

_No, no, no, no, no, no_

_I'm not waking up tomorrow morning and finding that there's nobody there _

_Darling there's no way_

_No, no, no, no way I'm living without you_

_I'm not living without you_

_You see there's just no way, there's no way_

The full power of my voice erupted within my now. I felt the passion and pushed it from my very soul into the microphone. My body was it's own animal now, doing whatever it pleased to recreate the emotions I was feeling. I felt everything within me force it's way out into the crowd and smother each member of the audience. Still, as the dramatic part began, my eyes stayed on Edward. I saw the glimmer of pride I had always wanted from him as he watched me, his lips twitching into a small smile. Looking like that I was told that he still loved me; my dreams came true.

_Tear down the mountains_

_Yell, scream, and shout like you can say what you want_

_I'm not walking out_

_Stop all the rivers, push, strike, and kill_

_I'm not gonna leave you_

_There's no way I will..._

I held this note for a long time, with my voice radiating against the surface of the walls. My eyes were tightly shut as I blurted the words out into the microphone. I felt as if I would burst. It was enough to hear myself on the outside, but to hear it in my left ear clear as day and the echoes off the hall was just about enough to make me collapse. Everything that was coming out of me made me weary. But I continued, that determination I'd found in Edward running through my veins.

_I'm not living without you, not living without you_

_I don't wanna be free_

_I'm staying, I'm staying_

_And you, and you, and you_

_You're gonna love me _

_You're gonna love me, yes you are_

_Love me, love me, love me, love me _

_You're gonna love me!_

The song ended with a bang and felt myself collapse into my old self as if I had been stretched like a rubber band. My thoughts became my own once more and I felt instantly tired. Silence hung in the room in an awe-like fashion and it almost startled me. One person began to clap and then soon enough the entire audience were on their feet. I felt pride take over for myself, and for everyone else who had preformed. The reaction was for everyone and I took and graceful bow before leaving the stage, giving Edward one last look. _Love me_, it said, _please tell me you love me._

As soon as I was off stage Alice catapulted herself at me. I took the hug, squeezing her body to mine. She giggled as she expressed how much she enjoyed my performance. At this point I was in a bubble, and all I could do was nod and smile. The other performers came and congratulated me and I did the same to them. In the background I could hear Ben saying an extra thank you and telling them about refreshments. After another applause, the chattering began with force.

The other performers began to go out the back and into the hall to meet their families. Alice attempted to grab my arm and pull me with them to greet everyone, but for once I stood my ground. It was too much right now and I knew that if I went now I would faint from it all. I shook my head. "You go ahead and tell them I'll be out soon. I just want to take a minute to… breathe."

Alice nodded before chirping that she would and she dance away down the steps. I sat back in the chair and closed my eyes, seeing the bright lights behind them. All I could think was… wow.

-.-.-

Rose clapped one more time; she was still mesmerised by her friend's performance. She had never heard Bella sing before, with the only thing to base it was being Jasper's lavish compliments. But now she could really see what he had been meaning; she was truly talented. Every note was hit, every line perfection. She was born to be a singer, that was certain.

Emmett laughed. "That was amazing, wasn't it? I never would have known."

She turned to him, her eyes shining with happiness. It wasn't just for Bella. "I know. I'd never heard her sing before but I definitely want to hear her again."

The air between them suddenly changed as Emmett grabbed her hand. "Rose… I want to get to know you better, but if you don't phone me, I can't. I want you to let me in…"

She looked down. "I'm really trying, it's just… in the past…"

His fingers touched her china and dragged her eyes back to his. "I want to know all about your past; I want to know everything about you. I want to be with you, Rosalie, if you'll have me. And I know it'll take time - I'm aware of that - but I'll wait however long you want. I sense that you've been hurt before… but I'm genuine. I just… want us to be together."

He leant in, cupping her left cheek, before pressing his lips to her soft skin of her right. He felt the blood flood there and when he leant back, she was blushing. She looked into his eyes, the start of a trusty bond being formed. She took his hand. "How about, after this, you come back to my house and we have coffee. I'm going to try and let you in." She whispered the last sentence.

He squeezed their entwined fingers. "That's all I ask." He stated before throwing her a smile, which he returned.

She turned around to see Alice rushing down the stairs, with Bella nowhere to be seen. Congratulations were given, but it wasn't long before Edward voiced the question on everyone's lips. "Where's Bella?"

Alice smiled, a knowing look in her eyes. "She'd backstage. That door will take you right to her."

He shot off like a rocket, and everyone grinned knowing what was going to happen.

---

Edward opened the door and walked backstage in the relative darkness. When she stepped back from the stairs a small amount of light was given to him, and he finally saw her silhouette. She had looked beautiful out there on stage - but she always did to him. He walked around and took a seat beside her.

She could sense who it was before her eyes opened again. "Hello, Edward."

He reached out tentatively, and took her hand. "I think it's time we talked, don't you?"

She looked to him and nodded.

Then they set off for the car.

**A/N; I actually got this out on stated date, haha. Three cheers for me. (: This chapter came relatively easy as it was one I had been planning from day one. This chapter has been in my mind from the beginning, so to see it written was quite… thrilling. I'm really happy with where this is going right now, and hope that I'll get one, maybe two more chapters out before school starts again.**

**Thank you for all the reviews. Special shout out to Raven Jadewolfe who started reading this story a few days ago and has reviewed almost every chapter. That was very kind of you. So, once again I ask you all to review; it'll make me happy!**

**Also, the song featured it 'And I'm Telling You (I'm Not Going)'. _YOU NEED TO WATCH IT ON YOUTUBE_. Jennifer Hudson sings this so beautifully, and it's empowering to listen to. Go, watch - but review first! :D**

**-xlovestory**


	39. Thirty Eight

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Thirty-Eight.**

Rosalie stopped at the entrance of her building, rummaging around in her bag to find her keys. In the pit of her stomach was a nervous dread. Everything had seemed fine at the choir concert, but now she had invited him home. That seemed awfully intimate to her, like she was expecting him to go further with her than she wanted him to. But his hand, currently situated on the small of her back, rubbed soothing circles making her forget her worries. It was only for a coffee and a chat. Nothing too serious.

With a sudden stroke of triumph her hand connected with the cold piece of metal. She smiled to herself and heard a chuckle beside her, making her look up into the sincere eyes of Emmett and blush. She was never usually like this with men; she never usually showed her vulnerable, soft side. But she guessed Emmett was bringing her other traits out of her.

She stuck the key in the door and it swung open after she pushed against it. She let herself in, that familiar feeling of home sweeping over her. She kicked off her shoes at the door, wriggling her toes to ease the sore sensation that came with wearing heels all night. She swept her coat off her shoulders and hung it on a hook at the front door. She then turned to find Emmett toeing his own shoes off and shrugging out of his jacket. He was making himself at home, in the nicest way, and looking at him in her house made her feel something new - like he belonged there, or should have been there all along.

He caught her looking and he grinned, before rubbing his hands together. "Now, how about I make us some coffee?" His voice was warm and made a tingling feeling flow through his spine.

She looked down at her bare feet. "You don't have to. I can get onto it if you wanna have a look around…"

He shook his head before reaching out for her hand. Slowly she lifted her eyes to his and questioned him. She saw nothing that gave her fear, nothing that trapped her. So she slipped her hand into the comfort of his and felt his rub his thumb along the side of hers in a lovingly intimate gesture. It made her smile, which he noticed, and he leant down, kissing her forehead gently. She knew what he was doing, and she was really thankful for it. He wasn't pushing her, and he was being patient. He was letting her take control of their… relationship, she guessed it was, and he seemed completely at ease with giving her the reins.

She smiled up at him in thanks, her eyes beaming with delight. He just shrugged in reply, telling her it was nothing. Then he pulled her along the length of the hall. "Right. Which way's the kitchen?"

Rose giggled and showed him through her apartment, into the kitchen. She made for the jar of coffee and cups, but he turned them - still connected at the hands - and led her to a seat at her kitchen table. She settled herself down and watched as he walked away and began to make the coffee. He whistled while he worked, and she felt the feelings she had for him grow in those few short minutes. She was beginning to think that this was what she needed all along; him. But she didn't want to get ahead of herself. She told herself that she would tell him about her past tonight, and if he didn't want her after that she wouldn't have to heal the broken heart so much as she would if it continued any longer. But if, by chance, this proceeded into a relationship she vowed to take it slow.

A few minutes later and a cup of steaming coffee was placed in front of her. Emmett sat opposite her, reaching down under the table for a second. Suddenly she felt hands on her feet and he pulled them into his lap, deciding to massage them. She blushed. "Again, you don't have to do that. It… it does feel nice, though." Rosalie stuttered as he started to move him fingers in a way that made the aches in her feet disappear.

He chuckled. "Ah, yes, my magic fingers. Just sit back and relax Rose. I'm sure it's been a tiring day." He stared at her with such love it almost overwhelmed her. How could he know things like that? Was she really such an open book? Or was it that he cared for her so much, that he knew her so well? There was just something about him, and she couldn't deny the fact that she wanted to spend more time with him.

She closed her eyes, deciding that now would be the best time. Her hand crept around the handle of her cup, and her thumb caressed the side of the glass. It was now and never. She opened her eyes to see him watching her. "I want to tell you all about myself." It was a simple sentence, but one that held so much meaning for both of them. She had to tell him to open herself up, and he wanted to know because he wanted her. She looked at him, the picture of seriousness. "I need to tell you so that afterwards, you can decide if you want to be with me.' When he looked as if he was about to counter her, she held up her hand and he was silenced. 'Don't say anything just yet. Just let me speak first. I need this, Emmett."

He looked down, continuing to massage her feet, and then he nodded. If she needed this then he would give it to her, even if he thought she was being absurd. Nothing about her could pull him away. It didn't matter about her past, all he wanted was her future. But she was a determined woman - one of the traits he loved about her - and he would let her rule where she wanted to go.

She looked down at her mug of coffee and watched the liquid still and move as she talked. "I grew up in New York in an apartment complex. It wasn't the flashiest side of town, but it definitely wasn't run down. I had quite a happy childhood, until I reached my teenage years and my father left my mother for his secretary. My mother, after that, was never the same. She didn't think she had been loved properly, and she'd bring around different men every other night, trying to satisfy herself. She was in pain, it was clear to see, and this was the only cure she could find.' She closed her eyes, not wanting to look up and see Emmett's reaction, unsure of what it would be. 'It was terrible, watching her be so desperate, and all because of my father, the only man I could trust at that age. All the other men had no morals, and they treated her terribly. She was there toy. So at the tender age of 13 I convinced myself I wouldn't let a man treat me that way; I would find a man that truly loved me."

She took a sip of her coffee, and Emmett's hands, which had once stilled, began to move again. She tried not to moan at the comforting sensations. When she replaced her cup back down to the table, he whispered, "Go on.' and so she did.

"I grew up, went through school, but we didn't have enough money to let me go to college. It didn't matter to me because all I wanted was to get away from the life I lived, start afresh, and most of all dance. That was my dream. I remember trailing around countless auditions for dance troops, musicals, shows of all sorts. But like so many, I get almost nowhere. I ended up working in a coffee shop, saving up enough money, and buying myself a small apartment nearer the centre of Manhattan. I thought my dreams were getting closer - I was being picked for more jobs - and I felt as if everything was falling into place. And then I met James." Once solitary tear dripped down her cheek at the name, and Emmett carefully reached out and wiped it away.

She smiled in thanks. "I was working at a studio, teaching dance as a part-time job. He was the cleaner. We dated for a while and before I knew it I was in too deep and he had unknowingly moved in with me. It was never discussed; one day I went home to thousands of his boxes scattered around the place. But I was okay with it - I was convinced he was the man that would truly love me. Then I found out he was doing drugs. He would con me for money, and then if I didn't give him it he… would rape me.' As she spoke her words got choked and she saw from the corner of her eyes Emmett's free hand make a fist. 'It became too much, so one day after another threat, I ran. That's when I ended up in Forks and I got my life together again. Who knows what's happened to James now, but to be honest, I couldn't really care."

She looked up at him, deep into his eyes where she could see the remains of his rage flittering in the background. "I've been scarred, Emmett, mentally and physically. I don't know which man I can trust, and when it comes to love-making, sometimes images of his rape reoccur. I am a mess, Em. A complete mess. And that's why I wanted you to know - you seemed like such a lovely man and I don't want to drag you into my mess. You don't deserve that."

He placed her feet back to the floor, the aches and pains now gone, and reached over the table. He placed his hands outstretched, and looked into her eyes. Gently and deliberately, she placed her hands on top of his and he entwined their fingers. When she spoke the emotion was evident. "Rosie, you didn't deserve that to happen to you. You are such a beautiful person, and hearing those things makes my want to kill that guy. I'm only happy that you are away from all that now.' He leant forward even more, catching her attention completely. 'However, nothing you could ever tell me would ever change my decision. I'm here for you, Rose, and I want to be with you. Whether you want me as a friend, lover, or even husband at some point, I'll take whatever I can get. Because I only want you, and nothing will change that."

At his words, she broke down completely. How has someone so right for her come walking into her life. But more than that, she got the feeling that he understood. He knew what she had gone through, and he knew of the pain she had suffered. He knew her without even getting to know her; that made her more comfortable. As the tears rolled down her face she came to realise that no matter what she did he really would be there for her, and she didn't have to worry about wanting to run away because she didn't want to. She wanted to stay like this, with him, for as long as she could.

So because she had been given the control, she got up off her seat and went around to his seat. She slide back on the chair giving her more room, and without a second thought she sat down on his lap, wrapping her knees up to her chin, and settled into a place that felt like it had been made for her. His arms wrapped around her, caging her into his embrace, but she never felt trapped. She rested her head against his chest, feeling his reassuring heartbeat in her ear, and ever so gently she could have been imagining it, she felt his lips press into her hair.

For once she didn't feel like there was a war going on inside her; she felt at peace.

-.-.-

The drive back to the Cullen house was silent. I could think of nothing to say, and apparently neither could Edward. I could only look out the car and let my jumbled thoughts run around my brain. I could feel Edward's presence all around me. The car - it seemed like months since I had been in it with him - smelt of him. His scent overpowered me, and it took all my control to not throw myself at him and kiss him. But there it was, at the back of my mind, the insecurities. Sure, he wanted to talk, but I had no clue of the subject, what would go on, or if he even felt the way I still did about him. I would have to be patient, and wait.

It was easier said than done.

I looked back over at him, to find him looking in my direction. We has slowed to a stop at the lights and all I could do was look into his eyes. There were so many emotions held in them that made me feel slightly at ease - I clearly wasn't the only one who was all over the place. The looked down, a small blush forming at him being caught, and when he looked back up at me he offered me a small smile. That gave me a sense of hope. I smiled back, just as slight as he had, and then turned back to the window.

A few minutes of silence later and we had arrived at the house. He pulled the keys out of the ignition and I swung the door open, eager to get inside. Edward came around to my side, but seeing I was already out, turned back and walked towards the door. Him and his gentlemanly ways. It seemed to my a relapse into what we had before. I longed to reach out and take his hand, but that still wouldn't be allowed. We were still, as yet, not together, and as much as that thought hurt me, it was the utter truth.

We walked up to the door, my slightly behind him and I walked his body. He still seemed a lot thinner than I had remembered him to be - I had every inch of him memorized so I think I would know. His back, usually so toned, now seemed slimmer and with less muscle (which I had loved to run my hands over). Everything about him seemed different as I looked at him, but I had no doubt that if I dug deep enough I could find the man I knew inhabited that body. I just wanted my Edward back.

He unlocked the door and let me past first. I did as I always did, feeling a sense of home curl around me. I tried my best to block out the images I held of the last time I was here, hoping that this time would overlap last time and make me forget. That was one encounter I wish had never happened, and if it hadn't we would never had entered this mess.

I let him lead my through to the living room, where the memories of last week had been made. I tried to ignore the stabbing sensation in my chest as I sat down on the edge of the couch. I looked into the corner, picturing Edward and I cuddling there. It seemed a million years ago since we had done that.

He stood in the middle of the room, quite uncomfortably. I smiled up at him a little, trying to ease the pressure he was feeling. He coughed lightly, before asking. "Can I get you anything to drink, or eat?"

"Um, a water, please." I answered. My voice was parched from all the singing I had partaken in, an if we were going to talk I didn't want to make myself hoarse.

A few seconds later there was a bottle of water in front of me, and Edward sat down on a seat opposite me. I took a sip of my drink while he composed himself. I was unsure of where we would begin, or even if I was supposed to start. So I sat there, and hoped for the best.

"You were brilliant out there tonight." Edward whispered, a loving emotion in his voice.

Ah, a safe subject. I suppose it was best to start there. I looked down, his compliment making me blush. "Thank you. I was quite nervous but then I came… and I saw you. It sounds cliché but you gave me strength, so thank you. You must know it was all for you, Edward?"

He leaned back in his chair, fixing his eyes on me. "I guessed it was; the message was pretty clear. You said you wouldn't let me go, and you haven't."

What was that to mean? Where was all this coming from? I thought the point of having a conversation was so we could sort out our confusions and problems. But this was getting me nowhere, simply making me even more confused. Last week he had made it clear he didn't want me, but tonight there was something different in the air. Did he really still love me, or was he aiming for something completely different.

So I went in for the kill, without another look back. "Edward, why did you not want me? Why did you push me away from you? All I wanted was to love you and be with you - you seemed like you wanted that too - but then you threw everything back in my face."

He leaned forward on his knees, obviously trying to get comfortable. He placed his elbows on his knees, and looked at me. "I guess I owe you some answers, don't I?' He asked, and I nodded in reply. 'Bella, there is something I need to tell you, which I learnt about almost two weeks ago. I didn't want to tell you for fear of hurting you. So I tried to push you away so that when the time came that it was out, you wouldn't have to feel so much pain. I hoped that by that time you'd have got over me, but it seems like that isn't going to happen."

I curled my legs under my body, and clung to the sofa's arm as if it was my only means of safety. His words made my feel like, without protection, I could drown. "Edward, please tell me. It's killing me not knowing."

He looked down before she struggled to choke out the words. "Bella… I'm sick. Really sick.' Then he met my eyes which conveyed the pain and suffering he was going through. 'I've been diagnosed with heart cancer."

I felt all the oxygen being knocked out of me. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, as if my life was about to end. I looked at him, wondering if this was some sick kind of joke he was playing, but the look in his eyes told me he was anything but. He was really going through this. This man, the man I loved, whom I thought would be here forever, might not be there. His life was on edge. I'd always imagined him being there, so the thought that he wouldn't be was so impossibly big it was hard to digest.

Tears began to pool in my eyes, and I shook my head, unwilling to grasp the concept. "No, Edward. It'll be fine. We'll work through this, you'll get therapy and then we cane live our lives together like none of this ever happened. We'll get through it together."

He pinched the bridge of his nose - another trait I loved - and then seemed to wrap his arms around his chest as if it was going to fall apart in front of our eyes. His eyes told me that his heart was breaking. He closed them, squeezing his eyelids together. "As much as I'd like to say that that can happen, I know it can't. They tested me at the hospital, this disease is too far on that therapy, radiation, all that crap wouldn't work. It's a waiting game, love, just a waiting game."

And at his final words, I fully began to understand. I was sitting here in complete health, while the man sitting opposite me was a ticking bomb. He was, literally, waiting for himself to die. How could he wake up to face the day when that was on his mind, let alone carry on with a relationship. I then realised that he hadn't been selfish in sending me away, he had been giving me what was best. He didn't want me to go through the pain he himself was going through (and more). But I wouldn't take the easy route out; I refused to do that. He was my life, and as long as he was here - even thought that thought hurt like hell - I would be there for him. My Edward.

He sat there looking so worn and tired, with all my jumbled thoughts slotting into place at his image. The loss of weight, the loss of energy, the physical pain he had gone through. The signs had been there, but me, being so caught up in everything, hadn't realised them. Suddenly all I wanted to do was comfort him. I needed to reassure him that I would be there. I wouldn't walk out on him when he needed me in a time like this. So I gathered myself up, still shaken by the news with my tears continuing to stream, and slotted into the side of his chair, wrapping my arms tightly around him. This time, he happily returned the sign of affection. We sat there, in relative silence, for God knows how long. I only realised his was also crying when I felt his tears through the fabric of my dress.

I took his face in both my hands and guided it into my line of sight. "Listen, Edward. Don't hide anything from me again. I'm with you through this, through everything now. At every doctors appointment Ill be there holding you hand. Every time you wake up in pain, I'll be there soothing you. And when the time comes, no matter how much it hurts me, I'll be there for you. Here, always." I buried my face into his neck placing a small amount of kisses into his neck. He grasped me back just as tightly, using all his limited strength.

A small cough alerted us to someone else's presence, and we looked up, tear streaked, to see Alice and Jasper standing hand in hand in the doorway. She looked at me, smiling lightly, with her own tears in her eyes. "I guess… you've heard the news too."

I nodded, unable to speak. The reality of it all was still sinking in.

Even Jasper seemed to have tears in his eyes.

It wasn't long before both of them had joined the huddle, everyone comforting everyone. We all needed this, needed the comfort. And I knew that through all of the turmoil ahead, we'd all be here together, for Edward. And I wouldn't be an exception.

Because he is, and always will be, my life.

**A/N; This chapter was a little shorter than the others, but I said all that needed to be said. Due to going back to school, updates will be back to one a week. I hope that you can see the foundations coming together of Emmett and Rose's relationship, and I hope that you all enjoy the moments that Edward and Bella have together from now on. I'm on a chapter countdown now…**

**12 CHAPTERS TO GO! (approx.)**

**So, thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter; I'd really love some more!**

**-xlovestory.**


	40. Thirty Nine

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Thirty-Nine.**

I could feel that I was about to awaken. I was happy for that. My dreams had been less than perfect, and even though it would hurt me to wake up alone, I would awake in my lonely bed and be freed from my nightmares. In my dreams I had been told that Edward - my one, true, love - had been diagnosed with heart cancer, which could not be treated. Even between consciousness I could feel the sick feeling in my stomach and the tightening around my heart. I grasped onto the light at the end of the tunnel which would bring my from my sleep, and gradually I opened my eyes.

The light made me groan on impact and I squeezed my eyes shut once more. The covers, settling up to my collar bones, kept the chill of December's morning air away, and I loosened my eye's grip, prying them open slowly again. The first thing I noticed, after a minute of gathering my bearing, was that I wasn't in my own room. Memories, disjointed ones at that, flitted through my thoughts as I pieced everything together. The weight on my stomach - in the form of an arm - made everything become clear.

No matter how much I wanted it to be, it hadn't been a dream.

It was real; happening.

All thoughts of everything I had learned the night before seemed to crash onto my body. I felt weak. Tears pooled in my eyes, and I willed them away for I had done enough crying last night. I didn't want to make Edward go through any more pain than he had to, and seeing m like this would surely do that to him.

Edward.

My sweet, loving, perfect Edward.

I shifted my head over to the other side of the pillow, my face so close to his. I was a hairsbreadth away from him, my nose almost touching his. His deep breathing, counting in time with the strikes of the alarm clock in my other ear, made his breath fan out over my cheeks, creating goose pimples. I let myself smile for a second. I was with him, where I wanted to be, even if we had got here through the worst of news. And in his dreams, comfortable in his sleeping state, I could imagine that he wasn't experiencing the pain. That he was free from disease, and that no pain held him down. He was well.

But of course, all those were silly thoughts. Sure, he was fine now, unconscious. But as soon as his eyes opened I cannot imagine what sort of pain he would go through. I'd never been there when he experienced the pain; I cursed myself at this. Or maybe I had been? How long had this been going on for? Maybe I had been lost to the signs that might have told me to get him to a doctor. Maybe I could have saved him. I shook these thoughts away. There was no use bothering about the things that could have been. I was here now, with him, and what has happened was happening. I just had to deal, just like Edward was.

However, there was no way I could compare myself to Edward; what he was going through was obviously much worse. I couldn't begin to understand what he was going through every single day. I could only be there, with him, and help him from morning until night. I had new responsibilities now, and I would fulfil them completely. Every thought about life I had had up until now had been changed. I really didn't have a clue now long I would be on this earth, and I couldn't take my life for granted. I would play each day as if it was my last, and I was sure Edward would play it the same way. We would go through this sordid game together.

I let my other thoughts rest at the back of my mind, for once just staring at his face and not thinking while doing so. He looked so peaceful, so beautiful, simply laying there without any care in the world. I wondered what was going through his head, what dreams he was experiencing. His eyes, the orbs covered my skin, decorated with tiny purple veins that you could only see up close, where flickering gently as he slept. His nose, so straight and perfectly aligned, almost touched my own. His lips, slightly parted, let his breath through, and when I looked close enough I could see the tip of his tongue resting gently on the pallet of his mouth. And while his face rested gently on the pillow his wild unruly hair stood up on their ends, some flattened by the pillow itself. Over all, he looked like Edward. My Edward.

I was still trying to get my head around the fact that someday he wouldn't be here. I'd always thought that when I'd found the right man he'd be there from start to finish. And when I'd met Edward, even through the rough parts of our relationship, I'd still known he was the one I wanted to be with for as long as possible. I'd envisaged our engagement, wedding, and the birth of our first child (without the gory details). And then yesterday out of nowhere all those images had shattered, and were simply a part of my long lost dreams. It upset me, but I didn't blame Edward at all. Things like this happened, and I'd get through, we'd get through. And maybe, after he's left me, I'll be happy someday. Even though I know that I'll never truly be happy without him. I can hope.

The alarm clock on my other side continues to tick, and only now do I realise. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I couldn't hear it before. I carefully turn my head without shifting the covers and pillow too much, and see at a glance that it was after nine. We'd bedded later than normal after the rollercoaster night. I turned back around, letting Edward sleep a little longer.

I don't know how long I lay there, just looking at his face, but soon enough nature called. I looked over at the bathroom door, deliberating on whether I needed enough to actually move out of this comfort; unfortunately, I did. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, my torso still wrapped in Edward's embrace, and then carefully, I picked up his arm and tried to move it. Unsuccessfully.

He pulled me closer to him from around the waist, and now my ear was directly in front of his lips. He pressed a small kiss there, before whispering, "Don't leave just yet. Stay."

I wriggled around onto my side so that my lips were right beside his. His eyes were still closed and I vaguely wondered if he was talking in a dream, or if he was really awake. I kissed his lips gently, and he returned with glorious pressure that reminded me of days when we weren't haunted by his illness, or family matters; we just were. His arm pulled my impossibly closer, and I giggled. "I'm not going anywhere, I just need the bathroom. I'll be back in a second."

Grudgingly he let me slip through the cage of his arms and I tiptoed into the bathroom to do my business. Five minutes later I was slipping back under the warm sheets, searching out Edward's arm which he wrapped back around me. I pressed my hands to cup his cheeks, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. His eyes flickered open for the first time, that bright glorious green I had learned to love so much flashing out at me, catching me.

I smiled. "How are you feeling?" was something I was dying to hear. Now that I knew he was ill, that thought was always at the forefront of my mind. He was so close to my heart that I couldn't hep but worry.

His arm seemed to tighten. "Much better now that you are here." He replied, skipping my question completely but giving an answer that seemed to warm my heart.

"Seriously, Edward. How are you really feeling?" I asked again, hoping to get a real answer from him this time. I could see right through his motives. He didn't want to cause me pain, because he knew that his pain was mine. It was that same reason that he had let me go last week. But from now on I would make sure I got my true answers, even if it was just so I could stay close to him.

He closed his eyes for a second, as if testing what he was feeling. When he opened them again, he answered, "Honestly, I'm feeling a little better. I have no real pain, only a few aches and numbness. I felt so much worse when you weren't around. Knowing that you had been hurt by what I had said made my physical and emotional pain all the worse. So I wasn't lying when I said I felt better with you around; I really do."

I let my lips linger on his neck, kissing gently and feeling the rate of his breathing increase. I smiled against the sensitive skin. "That's good."

As my kissing continued his other hand came around and touched my own neck, taking me away from my ministrations and making me look into his eyes. I saw nothing but love in them, for me, and at that moment nothing else mattered. I didn't let myself think of his condition and I didn't let myself think of what could potentially happen tomorrow or the next day. All I could do was press my lips to his with the passion I felt and do so happily.

As our lips began a sensual dance of their own he gently rolled over me, leaning on his forearms, hovering over my body - which was hyper aware of his own. My hands flitted over his skin, up his arms to his shoulders, down his chest to his stomach muscles (less pronounced that before) and I felt them tighten under my touch until the route began again. It was a new body which needed to be memorised again. So much of him had changed. I was starting our relationship now with a blank sheet and I couldn't wait to make my mark all over it. However, in the back of my mind I couldn't help but mourn the loss of the man and his body that I had loved before. It was different now; a new experience. Where muscle had been there was now more bone.

He let his lips move away from my own, grabbing the desperately needed breath, and put his forehead on mine, resting. He looked deep into my eyes, sensing something. His thumb stroked my cheek. "Hey, what's wrong?"

I looked down at the way our bodies were entwined. His body hovered over mine, our legs slightly tangled. I could see every inch of him - every new surface. I looked deep into his eyes - there would be no more secrets between us. Every thought would be told. My fingers dragged up his arms while I began to explain. "It's different; you're different. And somehow, I miss the old body, but I can't wait to explore the new. It's hard to explain…' I let my thoughts drag off, and his eyes remained completely on mine. Sadness flitted through his orbs, and I couldn't let that happen. 'It's like… take this arm.' I let my hand rest on his arm, dragging it up and down to emphasise my point. 'There used to be more muscle, but I don't hate the way you are now.' I looked deeply into his eyes, clutching his cheek gently. 'I see it as an adventure. I can't wait to experience everything with you… for the last time."

He smiled, slightly crooked just the way I liked it. He got what I was talking about, and thankfully, my words hadn't hurt him. He understood. He pressed his lips to mine once again chastely. "I know what you mean. And I can't tell you how glad that makes me. I am different, but I'm still the same man. The man that loves to with every bit of him."

His lips caught mine again and that was us for an hour or more.

----

Around noon Edward and I walked hand in hand down the stairs to catch brunch. It took him a little longer than normal; only a person who had been as close as I had to Edward before he was diagnosed would know the difference. It made me realise that he wasn't as strong as he used to be and I couldn't deny to myself that he would get better. My brain was full of mush, and I couldn't decipher my feelings properly. I was all over the place but I had to keep strong for Edward.

When we reached the bottom of the stairs, Edward slightly breathless, we heard humming in the kitchen. Alice's distinct voice floated through the rooms and hit us on the ear. Edward smiled at the sound and I again wondered what he was thinking. Maybe he was realising that that sound wasn't one he could take for granted anymore. There would be a lot of things with that sentiment now. Our fingers still entwined we made our way through the hall and reached the kitchen. Our eyes caught a beautiful scene: Jasper and Alice ballroom dancing on the kitchen floor to non-existent music - Alice's humming and Jasper's whispered words making their own melody. Edward placed his head on my shoulder as we silently watched. As their song came to an end I clapped a round of applause, breaking them back into the present. Alice blushed but quickly redeemed herself by saying, "Wow. Aren't you two early risers!"

Edward chuckled while I blushed in return. Jasper laughed at my reaction; he always seemed to get a kick out of my blushing and he could probably tell me what I was feeling right now: that strange trait of his.

Edward moved to the table, sitting himself down on a seat before picking up the paper lying there and reading the first few headlines. I stood behind him, reading the same before getting tired of the same, horrible news. Shootings in Seattle. A few more deaths. Couldn't they write about something positive for a change?

I bent a pressed a kiss to the side of Edward's neck, not failing to notice the shiver that went up his spine at my ministrations. "What would you like for breakfast?"

Alice turned at my words, a small apron now covering her, tied around her small waist. I could practically hear the fantasies running through Jasper's head as he finally cottoned on to what she was wearing. Alice looked at him, noticing his gaping mouth and rolled her eyes to the heavens before turning back to us both. "Breakfast?! Try lunch, Bella. It's far too late for breakfast now."

I sighed, she was right. "Okay, let's backtrack. What would you like for lunch, Edward?"

He let the paper fall back onto a heap on the table and thought about his choices. In the end he shrugged. "Whatever you make me will be delicious." He answered, and I saw a glimpse of the Edward I had known before. He had been right. The old Edward was still there, thriving behind the withering body he now had.

I smiled at him, pecking his lips before moving off to help Alice, who seemed to be making some sort of soup. Jasper moved over to Edward and they began chatting. Alice looked behind herself, smiling at her boyfriend, before her eyes landed on Edward, then on me. I could feel the questions just waiting to escape from her lips.

She looked down, stirring the pot in front of her. "How are you?"

I could read between the lines. "Honestly?' I asked, and she nodded in reply. 'I'm not really sure. I don't think my brain has really processed it. I mean, I was so upset yesterday, and I know there will be more of that to come, but it's not come crashing down on me yet. He's a changed man now." I left off, pondering that thought again on my own.

Alice's brow creased. "And you wish that he was the same man you first met?"

My hands went to the bread on the counter, and took some out of the bag to be buttered. I ran a hand through my hair, feeling restless and tired at the same time. "I wish a lot of things, Al. I wish that Edward was physically well. I wish that I hadn't wasted last week and that torturous month without him. I wish that I could transport back to Isle Esme and most of all I wish I had the strength to change things for the better. But I just have to accept that I can't. Things are as they are now. Edward is different, but I still love him. I couldn't do anything other than love him."

When I looked back to Alice's face I could see the tears floating behind her eyelashes and the sadness pouring into her features. I reached around and hooked my arm into her waist, pulling her close for a half hug. Alice was choked when she spoke. "I just wish there was something I could do, Bella. I wished the exact same thing for my father when I was only a child. I felt just as helpless then as I do now. And the worst part is that this time I can't hide and things can't be hidden from me because of my age. I have to sit a watch."

I shook my head as she unlatched her arm and went back to her soup, with me continuing the buttering of the bread. "No, Alice, you don't have to sit and watch. All you have to do is love him for as long as he has. I hate thinking that way, like a timeline, but that's what we have to do. We don't have much time, so we just have t live for today and take tomorrow when it comes.' I shrugged, pushing away my own tears. 'That's what I'm telling myself anyway."

Alice smiled, albeit slightly watery. "I'm so glad you're here Bella. He was even more of a mess without you. We kept telling him that he needed you, and that you would be there for him but he was adamant about pushing you away." She rolled her eyes.

I shrugged again; something I seemed to be doing a lot of. "He wasn't pushing me away, per say. He was trying to protect me, in a round about way."

Alice took down some dishes from the cupboard and handed them to me. Jasper's and Edward's chatter could still be heard at the other end of the room, probably talking about the same stuff as we were. She smiled at me. "I know he was. I just… every time that you weren't there I felt that he was more stressed and that isn't good for his condition. Thank God you're here now; I'm sure it'll help him."

I grasped Alice's hand. "I'll always be here for him, until the time comes when… when he isn't with us anymore.' I gulped, looking down a little. 'And I'll always be here for you, Jasper, Rose, everyone. We're going through this together."

Alice wiped a stray tear away from her cheek. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that. I'll really need you, as will Edward."

We dished out the lunch and set out the plates in front of Jas and Edward. We dug in, both Edward and I famished since we skipped breakfast. It was a surprisingly normal event, and not once did we mention Edward's condition. I think he wanted it that way.

However, keeping it hidden wasn't going to work for long. As we finished Edward stood up to remove his dish, swaying slightly on his feet. I reached out to grab his arms, steadying him. Fear ran through my body. "Are you alright?!" I could hear the alarm bells begin to ring.

He squeezed his eyes together, as if in some sort of pain. His legs seemed to turn to jelly and Jasper quickly settled a chair under him. He collapsed into it a few seconds later. I started to panic, touching his forehead and going a mile a minute. I looked deep into his eyes. "Honey, please tell me what's happening!" I hated not knowing, especially when Edward was in pain.

His eyes shot to Alice, giving her an answering glance. Then I felt arms wrapping around me, which with a look behind me confirmed that it was Alice. She looked at me, pitying. Like she knew what was going to happen and I didn't. "I don't know if you should be here for this, Bella."

The dread set in. "What? In here for what?"

When Edward spoke his voice had changed as if he was finding it hard to breathe. My heart leapt into my mouth. "The pain. The pain is coming and I don't want it to startle you."

I slammed myself onto a seat beside him and took his hand tightly. "Don't worry about me. I'm here with you, through it all."

Then I experienced something I had never seen before, and I was sure that I never wanted to see it again - even though I knew I would, frequently. I sat there while Edward writhed in pain, almost slipping off his chair. He gripped my hand so tightly I knew I would have swelling in the morning, and as his eyes shot closed completely I watched the pain contort his facial features, usually so smooth and beautiful. I couldn't help but let my saved up tears flow down my face as I watched him. His pain was my pain.

That was when it all came crashing down on me.

I finally realised the enormity of the situation.

My only answer was to cry harder.

**A/N; I wasn't sure where to end this chapter, so I ended it here. Don't worry! Edward is okay, he's just going through a bout of pain like he normally does. The reason it seems much more dramatic here (hopefully you got that from my writing) is that Bella has never seen him go through it before, and because of this, it had to seem completely new and fresh. So, yeah. He isn't dead. (Yet.)**

_CHAPTER COUNT DOWN: **11** to go!_

**Shorter chapter, but I am trying to keep on track with my writing. School work is pulling me down at the moment but the summer holidays will come soon.**

**Wanna review?**

**-xlovestory**


	41. Forty

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Forty.**

Lights. Baubles. Tinsel. Holly. Mistletoe. And most importantly the tree. Edward looked around the room from his resting place on the couch. It seemed such a insignificant thing right now, but he couldn't ignore it. Christmas was coming and Alice wouldn't let anyone not celebrate it. Amidst all of the confusion, pain and tears she ordered that we would have one day, free of pain, free of worries, free of pondering on what the next day would bring. And the count down to that day had started.

At six o'clock that morning an excited Alice had knocked repeatedly on Bella and his bedroom door, making them stir from their peaceful, un-painful sleep. Bella had groaned, Edward had curled deeper into the sheets, but nothing could deter Alice. Seconds later a scraping could be heard from outside, and the lock to his bedroom door turned. The door flew open and so did his sister, all smiles, for today was decoration day. His sister lived for things like this, and usually he would let her do whatever he wished, but six o'clock was pushing it a little far.

Minutes later Bella had been tugged from the bed and his embrace and thrown into a shower. He had lain in bed a little longer, letting the bustling sounds around him flow through his ears before he had struggled onto his feet and began to get dressed. Wash times were at night now. Sometimes with help from Bella.

When he had finally got down stairs he found Bella munching a bit of toast as if it was the last piece of food on earth. She gobbled it down while Alice talked a mile a minute about the decorations and where they would all go. She was animated, throwing her arms in all directions envisaging, and trying to make Bella see her ideas. He watched, sitting opposite Bella, as she nodded along with the plans. That blank look in her eye didn't pass by Edward's inspection, and that earned her a smirk. She simply placed a sweet kiss on his cheek before she was dragged out the room by Alice's eager body.

It had been three hours since that time and during those three hours he had done nothing. He had literally taken all of fifteen steps from the kitchen table to the sofa, all prepared to help hang baubles on the tree or stick tinsel to every available surface, but he was pushed backwards onto the couch and told not to move for the rest of this high-tech process. Alice could be very demanding when she needed to, and that time it was Bella's turn to smirk. So he sat, listening to the annoyingly catchy Christmas tunes, bobbing his leg up and down until it was too tired to do so. He moved from various positions on the couch, but that was all, and all he could do was watch his love and sister battle with the decorations.

Eventually he became restless and needed to do something. When he was just up Alice turned to him, throwing him a pointed glare. "And where do you think you're going?" She stood, legs apart, shoulders back and hands on hips. Sometimes he wondered where she got it from.

He rolled his eyes, pointing to the kitchen. "To get some coffee. I've got to do something. The doctor's didn't say that I had to sit around all day, did they?" He knew that she was just trying to take care of him, and that meant a lot to him. But there was only so much he could take.

Alice's shoulders slumped, knowing he was right. "But---"

Edward raised his eyebrows. "Did the doctors say that, Alice?"

She looked down, disappointed. Her hands which had been on her hips slipped down and she played with her fingers. She had only been trying to help. "No." she whispered.

"I know you are just trying to care for me, but really. I'm just moving from one room to the other; nothing drastic can happen to me, I don't think. It's like, a one in a million chances.' He sighed. 'I just want some caffeine."

His sister looked up at him, her eyebrows slightly scrunched. "I know, I know. I just… it would make me feel a lot better if I went and got you your coffee."

He sighed again, this time rolling his eyes. "Fine."

He watched his sister prance off in the direction of the kitchen before he collapsed backwards onto the sofa, bouncing slightly at the impact of the soft cushions. He closed his eyes, hearing the muffled noises of mugs being moved and the fridge door opened and closed. Suddenly he felt the side of the sofa go down and opened his eyes to see Bella looking at him intently. She smiled at him and kissed his cheek. "You look bored." She stated.

He opened his arms, inviting her into his embrace. She agreed readily, shuffling deeper into his side and he enjoyed the comfort. "I am bored. I feel like I should be doing something, but little leader through there won't let me move." He replied, slightly angry.

Her fingers ran up the side of his arm, making the hairs stand on end. He had no idea how she did it but somehow, this simple, intimate touch soothed him, making his anger melt away in seconds. "She's just trying to help you. The doctors didn't say not to do anything, but they did say to take it easy. And taking it easy doesn't apply to hanging Christmas decorations. Besides, I don't think we need you to do anything. You can just sit here looking gorgeous while we make a mess."

He chuckled as they both looked around the room. It was disorganised, but you could see the general idea forming. Alice was very particular, and it had taken them almost an hour to get the tree into the right position, let alone hand the lights and baubles. He knew from experience that Alice liked change, and every year they had a different theme. This year, he could tell, it was red and green. Christmas was the only time, he thought, that those too colours could be thrown together without looking hideous, and looking around the room right now, it seemed to be bringing the Christmas spirit out of the cracks.

Alice came in a few seconds later with three cups of coffee balancing in her hands. Bella jumped up to help her, handing Edward his mug while grabbing her own and snuggling back into her place in his arms. Alice smiled at them together, before taking a seat opposite them. She reached over and switched the CD player off. "Any more of that and I won't be able to listen to them in the weeks to come. There is only so many songs and bells and reindeers that one can endure."

Edward breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought they would never stop." He agreed.

They sat in silence for a while, all looking around the room and sipping their coffee's together. Bella placed her mug on the floor before curling back into his side. "I'm looking forward to Christmas this year. I think it'll be great." She mused.

Alice cocked her head to the side, curious. "Isn't ever Christmas supposed to be great?" She inquired.

Bella shrugged. "I suppose so, but for me, I think this will be the best Christmas I've ever had. All of the others seem lifeless compared to this one. I've never prepared so much for this holiday in my life!' She giggled. 'But something tells me that great things will come of this year's December 25th. And what could be better than spending it with all my friends and newly reconciled family?"

Edward nodded. "I get what you mean. This year just seems different.' He looked over to Alice, pointing back and forth from them both. 'We've never celebrated this holiday with so many people before. Not after the death of our parents.' He was silent for a moment. 'It'll be good to make new Christmas memories."

Bella sat up slightly, looking at Alice. "So did you just spend Christmas just the two of you?"

Alice settled her cup down on a small table. "Not always. Before our father died it was always a big occasion. Family members, no matter how distant, were invited. There would be about fifty of us, all bundled into the same room to bring in Christmas. It guess I get my love of parties from my mother.' Alice laughed. 'There was never a surface undecorated. Every room, even the ones that wouldn't be seen by guests were done up, but that was just mother's way. Dad would never stop her; he loved to see her so happy. So it was always a real family occasion.

"Then Dad became ill and we started to see the changes instantly. He was diagnosed just before Christmas, you see. And suddenly all the celebrations were put off and it was just the four of us. It was laid back and easy, and we loved that Christmas, with it just being the four of us, didn't we?' She gestured to Edward, who nodded. 'But in the back of my mind there was always the thought that maybe this was the last Christmas we would have together. But Mum, always upbeat about everything, wouldn't let us ponder on the illness and what would come in the future. We all celebrated hard that year, despite everything going on.' She looked down at her fingers. 'I guess that's why I want to celebrate so much this year. If Mum could be strong, then so can we."

Alice looked up at her brother, and they shared a look. Edward tried to communicate how much her words meant to him through just a glance, and the small smile that remained on her face showed that she had known was he was trying to put across. No matter what happened, he would always remember her kindness and love her for it.

Bella coughed slightly. "It must have been hard when your father died…"

Edward ran a hand through Bella's hair, feeling the softness at his fingertips. "It was hard, especially the first Christmas after we had lost him. There was always something missing after that. We couldn't sit at the same table on Christmas Day without imagining our father sitting at the head of the table. And of course, our mother had no life in her at all after that. All the energy we were so used to her having around that time of year disappeared, and she no longer wanted to celebrate. That Christmas was a miserable one.' He gazed off into the wall, thinking. 'Then our mother died, and we were left to celebrate Christmas on our own. It was difficult and it never felt the same. When Alice met Rose we used to have her over for Christmas, so it was the three of us. And I think that's why this year is so anticipated; it'll be great to have a real Christmas for once."

Edward felt Bella press her lips just underneath his chin, her nose grazing against the fine stubble that had gathered there due to not shaving. He held her closer, taking the comfort she was willing to give. "It will be a real Christmas, for me too. Christmas was always a weird time for me."

Alice leant forward, tucking her legs under her body. "How so?"

Bella began. "Well, when I was little I lived with my mother. I used to live with both my parent's until they divorced, but I was so little I can't remember any of it. When we moved to Phoenix my mother was desperate for love and she'd be mourning the fact that she didn't have a man by her side every Christmas - it didn't make a happy atmosphere. Then Phil came along and I thought it's be all happy family. It turned out that they really just wanted to spend it together, if you know what I mean.' Bella sighed. 'Soon enough they were married and I went to live with Charlie. He'd been on his own for so long that he'd never really celebrated Christmas, and I wasn't going to make him go out of his way to do it for me. Usually it was just Jasper and me. So hanging out with everyone will make it my first, proper Christmas."

Alice took a sip of her coffee again, not wanting it to go cold. "I'm glad we don't have to worry about where we were going to do Christmas this year. None of us knew where, since there would be so many. But thankfully Rose stepped up and offered to use her dance studio.' She turned to Edward, smiling with her eyes shining. 'You've never seen her studio, have you Edward? It's fantastic. All the decorations…" She trailed off in a world of her own, while Edward and Bella chuckled silently together.

Alice looked up and scowled at them both. "Okay, so I get a little bit excited at the prospect of decorations and lights and tinsel and mistletoe and… you get the picture.' She shrugged her shoulders, crossing her arms defiantly. 'It's normal for me to go a little overboard - I'm Alice Cullen."

Bella laughed. "Well at least you know. I was beginning to think you were unaware of how hyper you could get."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Alright. Break time's over, and so is let's-make-fun-of-Alice time. Get off that ass of yours and help me hang these lights."

Bella groaned before moving from her comfortable spot.

The rest of the day was spent in the same fashion.

-.-.-

Jasper felt the cold December air nip at his exposed face and ears. Everything else was covered, from his toasty warm toes (due to Alice's insistence that furry socks did not look weird on a man) to his wrapped up neck (thanks to Alice and her matching scarf and gloves). Before he had had the privilege of meeting Alice he would have been fine with going out in the cold and battling with the flu afterwards. But now, with Alice in his life, he was willing to change. Yes, Alice had changed him quite considerably.

He walked the streets, watching out for the icy patches as he stepped. A familiar yet unknown tune ran around his mind, flowing around and over thoughts of Alice and where he was going. Every step took him closer to Rosalie. Every step took him closer to not being able to go back. Every step took him closer to admittance. Closer, closer, closer.

As he turned the corner he noticed a family hanging Christmas decorations outside. There was the father of the group, up on the top of a ladder which was balanced quite precariously from his view. The mother handed up a number of different things from an inflatable snowman to fairy lights. She would point upwards and into positions that the man would never be able to reach, but he would try to none the less. Then there were the three children, all with rosy cheeks due to the cold and that fact that they were adamant they wouldn't need coats. Smiles were spread on their faces permanently as they dances around the garden, chasing each other and the December blues away. It was picture perfect. It was real. It was an image of happiness. It was what he could imagine his life being like, with Alice, in the future.

He continued walking, wrapping his scarf tighter around his neck, doing anything with his hands to stop them from shaking. He had never put himself out this much before. He had never wanted something so much in his life, and yet been so scared to follow through. But he knew that this was one of those things that if you didn't throw caution to the wind and do, you'd never do and the moment you were looking for would vanish.

So that was what he was doing.

Every step he was taking, he was pushing away his fear.

He was getting closer.

Closer.

Closer.

And then he was outside Rosalie's house, staring up at the window. When every other window in this street had Christmas decorations in the process of being put up or already were, hers remained blank. It saddened him a little, but he knew that in a few days it would be full of chatter, laughter, and happiness, while he would be full of nerves. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, looking from left to right and trying to think everything through.

Did he really want to do this?

Yes.

But did he want to do this now?

What's a few months, hmm?

"Are you gonna stand out there all morning, or do you want to come in?" Rose's voice gloated over the road, snapping his head back to her front door. She stood there, shaking her head while a smirk settled on her lips.

It was now or never.

He took now.

-.-.-

Rose looked at the tree from the other end of the room. No, it wouldn't do to put it there. She walked over, went onto her knees and proceeded to crawl to the other end of the room, dragging the real Christmas tree with her. The spikes poked all over her body, but she didn't mind the pain. A few minutes later she heaved herself from the floor, panting with exhaustion. She walked back, and looked at it again. She sighed; better, but not perfect.

She had tried every available spot and if she put it anywhere else the table wouldn't fit in. She hadn't guessed how much planning she'd have to do when she'd offered to do Christmas in her studio. It had been hard enough shifting all her dancing gear out of the room (she didn't want to think about the time she'd have to waste to put it all back). But she was happy to do this for her friends, and deep down she was excited at the prospect of gathering everyone together and celebrating.

Yet there was one person she really wanted there, that she couldn't decide whether to invite.

Emmett.

It had been just over a week since the show where they had bonded. She had told her story, and he had accepted her with all her faults. She had felt her heart expand when he had said he would wait for her, and had given her the reins in the relationship. She knew that it would have been hard for him to do that - everyone loves a bit of control - and that just showed, in her opinion - how much he cared.

But was it too forward to invite him to spend Christmas with her? Was it too soon? Would he think she was looking too deep into the relationship they had began to build? Of course, it was possible that he wouldn't be available. Perhaps he had a family to visit. Perhaps he wouldn't want to spend Christmas in Forks of all places.

She looked at the phone again. It would be so easy for her to walk over and pick up that phone, to dial the numbers that would lead her straight to the voice that she now loved. Without thinking he feet began to move, over to the corner where her phone was placed, right beside the window. Her hand hovered over the receiver, her fingertips begging to touch the plastic. Yet she didn't pick it up. Her hand stayed, lifeless, over the contraption.

She groaned. This time would be yet another time she didn't call.

She raised her eyes and looked through the window into the cold morning. Over the street was the man that always came home at eight in the morning. He was carrying his briefcase as usual, but this time he carried another bag, which seemed to be bursting with gifts. Beside that house was the old lady going out for her morning paper, wrapped up tightly in her dressing gown; she had clearly just got up. And then her eyes connected with a figure standing directly across the street from her house. She peered closer, and saw that the man was watching her. Fear washed over her, and then she sighed in relief. It was Jasper. But why was he just standing there, looking at her window, and not coming and ringing the bell.

She quickly walked to her front door and pulled it open. "Are you gonna stand out there all morning, or do you want to come in?" She called across the road. Jasper turned sharply, smiling at her shyly like he had been caught with his hand in the biscuit tin.

She beckoned him in and a few seconds later he was walking into her house. She quickly closed the door, locking the warm air inside. He shrugged out of his jacket and took off his shoes, making himself at home.

She walked over to the kitchen area, and started making coffee; a reflex she had when visitors arrived. Jasper seemed to follow her into the area, but was silent. Still curious as to why he was here, she began conversation. "How are you, Jasper? It seems ages since we last talked but yet I saw you just more than a week ago."

She handed him a freshly made cup and turned around. He took it with shaky fingers, she noticed, and raised it to his lips, warming himself up. "I've been alright.' His answer was stilted. 'And you?" He added.

She turned her head to the side and looked him over. "I'm been fine. Why are you here Jas?" Her mother had always told her to be forward.

He set his cup down on the counter, and then looked to the floor. His fingers knotted together, and he seemed to be gathering his thoughts, deciding something. It was at times like this when she wished she could read people's minds - it was be less frustrating than waiting.

Finally he looked up.

He gulped.

"I really need your help with something."

----

Over two hours later, as lunchtime peaked, she ushered Jasper out the door into the wind with a reassuring smile. She couldn't stop smiling in fact. She'd given all the advice she could give to Jasper, and she knew he would to the right, perfect thing.

And now she knew, also, what she needed to do.

She walked over to the phone and picked up the receiver, walking back over to the couch and settling down. She quickly typed in the number she had memorised by heart, and she wouldn't allow herself to look back. She was doing this, and she was doing it now. She pushed all the questions to the back of her mind. This was what she wanted.

"Hey there, you've reached Emmett McCarthy. Unfortunately I'm out right now… either that or I don't want to talk to you.' His hearty laugh reached her ears, but not even that could stop the disappointment that flowed through her. It was his voicemail. She deliberated between putting the phone down, or leaving a message. '…leave a message after the beep."

She sighed; she would do this properly, and leave a message. The beep sounded. "Um, hey Emmett, it's me. I mean, Rose. I just wondered, I mean, if you haven't got anything on… God, that sounds bad. Uh… you know what, just---"

"Rose! Rose! Are you still there?" Emmett's strong voice slammed into her ears, and she felt her heart do a little flip. He was panting, as if he'd ran for the phone.

Rose laughed a little. "Yeah, I'm still here."

He chuckled. "Sorry, I was in the shower. What did you want to ask me?"

Suddenly she was terrified again. "Um… well, I just wanted to know… if, well, if you weren't doing anything… I, uh… are you busy on Christmas day?" There, she blurted it out.

"Nope." He popped the 'p', and this childish remark made her smile.

Rose ran a hand through her hair. "Well, you see, I'm having all the guys and Bella's parent's over on Christmas Day, and you know… I wondered if you wanted to come too. If you'd rather not that's fine, I just thought---"

He cut her off again. "There's nothing that would stop me from spending Christmas with you, Rose."

She didn't stop smiling for the rest of the day.

**A/N; Christmas is coming! Not for us, but it is in the story. Things are really coming together now, and I hope you can see all the connections slipping into place. But of course, because I'm me, I had to add in a little bit of drama to keep you guessing. Look out for the next chapter, next weekend, to see what happens. (:**

CHAPTER COUNT DOWN:** 10** chapters to go.

**Keep those reviews coming - they really do make my day!**

**- xlovestory.**


	42. Forty One

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Forty-One.**

The last week and a half have been a whirlwind of tinsel and present wrapping, and I, for one, was glad that Christmas was finally here. I'd never put so much energy into making a holiday perfect before, and it didn't seem forced at all. I wanted this holiday to be perfect, and I knew why. I didn't know how many holidays after this one I'd be able to spend with the man I loved, and although that thought was heartbreaking to me (and I'd seen a few tears roll down my cheeks with week and that thought) it seemed to spur me on even more. I would enjoy today, with everyone around me smiling, and I would cherish it for years to come.

I had gone home for almost the first time in three weeks yesterday. It had felt strange pulling my key from my pocket and slotting it into the door. When I had opened it I'd taken one look at all the letters and bills lying on the floor at my feet and wanted to run away. I'd walked into the hall, grabbing all the letters into my hands and flicked through them quickly. Afterwards I'd sat at the kitchen table - something I had done many times before - and looked around. As I did this I realised that it didn't feel like my home anymore. I'd lived there for almost three years on my own, and sure, I technically still called it my home, but it really wasn't. Wherever Edward was, that was my home.

And that was the first night I had ever spent away from Edward. It had taken my hours to finally get my eyes to close. I was used to having his arms wrapped around me, keeping me safe and sound in the night. I had watched the snow begin to fall over Forks from my window and I knew then that having Edward around was a luxury that I shouldn't get too used to. I had welcomed Christmas in last night crying to myself.

So when I woke up this morning, all puffy eyed and a haystack for hair, let's just say I wasn't too enthusiastic. But, as I washed away the grime in the shower I knew that I couldn't put a damper on everyone's day. I bet we were all thinking the same thing, and I knew Edward would be trying to smile as much as he could for everyone else's sake, so I could do my best too. I'm sure today will go well.

Right now I'm laden down with bags in each hand, shuffling along the icy streets back to my real home. The air is crisp around me, and my red beret is so close to slipping off my curls. My cheeks will be pinched pink by the time I arrive back to Edward and Alice's place - but to be honest, it won't be much of a difference (I spend most of my time blushing as it is). Before I had left yesterday I had been given strict by Alice to dress up a little more than normal. I had taken one look in my wardrobe this morning and groaned. So, in true Bella fashion, I had thrown together whatever was suitable and hoped for the best.

I turned the corner leading onto their road. I had walked this route so many times I was pretty sure I could do it with my eyes shut. In the distance I could see Jasper's car situated outside, along with Edward's Volvo in the driveway. We wouldn't be needing them today - we were going to try and walk. It was only a few blocks and we hoped that after weeks of recovery from his fainting experience Edward would be able to do it. There would be a couch at the end of the tunnel.

As I got nearer and nearer I could see the numerous decorations through the mist. I had passed many houses lit up with Christmas décor on my short walk, but no-one could quite to Christmas like Alice. She had said it was sophisticated, and to the outsider it did. To me, it only brought memories of hanging haphazardly from a ladder trying to hang up a string of lights. I shuddered; never again.

I approached the house, able to hear the Christmas carols blaring from the speakers in their living room even before I'd entered. I put all the bags into one hand, thanking the Lord for five fingers, while I sang gently along to 'White Christmas' - it really was a white Christmas this year. I pushed the door open, stumbling through before kicking it shut behind me. "Anyone home?!" I shouted, competing with the music.

Alice's high-pitched and overly excited voice reached my ears and I began to follow the sound. I passed through the hall, into the kitchen where I dumped my bags beside a flustered looking Jasper, currently covered in scraps of wrapping paper and cello tape. I laughed, taking a piece that was stuck in his hair and rolling it between my fingers. "Nice look, Jas, but I think your original hairstyle was better…" I mocked, still smiling.

Jasper rolled his eyes, chuckling. "You are quite the joker, aren't you Bells?" I shrugged, shaking my shoulders. He pointed to the kitchen door opposite. "I think Alice was looking for you." He said, looking down at the gift he was still wrapping.

I walked over to him, circling an arm around his neck and kissing his cheek. I grinned up at me, and I could tell he was nervous. "Chill a little, Jasper. Everything will be fine." I whispered to him, heaving myself from my knees and walking back into the kitchen.

Alice was prancing around, taking bottles of wine and champagne from the fridge and into a bag to take to Rose's studio. She turned when she saw me, her eyes glinting with happiness - yet she was still completely clueless to what today would hold. She stood with her hands on her hips analysing my outfit. "Red beret; looking cute. Cream coat; great for the wintry feel. Dark skinny jeans; accentuating those lovely legs of yours. Boots with fur on the inside. I've gotta hand it to you, Bella. You're looking fabulous."

I shake my hand in her direction, rolling my eyes, blushing from her compliments. "Hush - it's just something I threw on. But thank you anyway. You are looking gorgeous." It was true. She small, compact body was wrapped in a deep purple dress which reached mid thigh. The wrap around the middle tied at the back to give it a girly feel. Her legs were painted with black tights and a pair of black heels adorned her feet. She looked fantastic; but that wasn't anything unusual.

She shook her shoulders, thanking my with a smile. "Well, I do what I can. Merry Christmas, by the way." She said as if she'd almost forgotten. I laughed, going around the kitchen table and wrapping my arms around one of my best friends. She meant the world to me and spending Christmas with her made this day even more special.

She pulled back. "I think Edward is upstairs. I asked if he wanted help getting dressed, but he said he could do it on his own. Although, I have heard a few shouts of frustration. You know how independent he is." She smiled, knowingly.

I nodded, giving her a little wave before making my way upstairs. My feet creaked a little of the floorboards leading towards Edward's room. The door was slightly open, and I peeked through it. Edward was sitting on his bed, his red tie hanging limply around his neck while he held his face in his hands. He looked so distraught; wasn't Christmas supposed to be a celebrated day? A day of smiles, happiness, and love? I wouldn't wish that look on anyone, and especially not on Edward. I knocked quietly. His eyes shot to the door, unable to see me through the slit. He groaned. "Alice, I don't want any help."

I stuck my head through the door, shrugging my shoulders. "Okay, well, if you'd rather I went away…" I trailed off as his eyes lit up in recognition. He looked at me apologetically before ushering me in with a waving hand. I stepped in, taking in his appearance. I smiled. "You look dashing, Mr Cullen."

He chuckled, offering his hand out and taking my own, pulling me closer to him. From his position on the bed I stood between his legs, and he looked up at me through his eyelashes. I had to remind myself to breathe every time I looked into those eyes. "You look beautiful, as always." I felt my cheeks heat up at his compliment. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling my right to him, and he pressed his head into my stomach. He needed comfort, and the strength to get through the day - it would be tough for him. I ran my fingers gently through his hair, feeling the smooth locks wrap and unravel around my digits. He sighed in contentment; job done.

I bent down to his level, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "What has you so stressed, Edward? It's Christmas - a day of joy. And there you are, looking all upset and destroyed." I asked out of curiosity. I knew that he would find today hard, but I thought he would have at least put a brave face on it.

He ran his hands through his hair, locking his fingers together at his neck. "Everything's happening. Time waits for no-one. Last week I sat and watched you and Alice hang decorations; suddenly today is Christmas Day. And everything is changing - there are so many things that are happening now which I didn't think would, and so many things that I wanted to do that I now can't. It's boggling me, quite honestly. My head feels like mush." He looked at me again, his eyes asking me to take him away from all of this. Take the pain away. Take the confusion away. I wish I could.

I cupped his jaw in my hands, feeling him lean into my touch. "I wish I could make everything better, darling, but I can't. Time keeps going, and we'll get through today together. You'll be fine. We'll be fine. Alice will most definitely be fine." I ended with a giggle, thinking of how she would react tonight.

Edward laughed heartily - the first real laugh I'd heard in a long time. When his eyes opened again I could see that sparkle I fell in love with. He leaned in, pressing his lips to mine, telling me he loved me without words. "You're perfect, you know that don't you?' I went to look at the floor but his hands held me in place. 'You're perfect for me, and I love you more than words can describe. You're keeping me breathing, Bella."

I felt those familiar tears build up behind my eyes and I willed myself not to cry. I smiled at him, knowing he was seeing right through me but not bothering to care. "I'm glad I could help, Edward. I love you. Merry Christmas."

He hugged me closer and I could smell his lovely sent through the material of his black shirt. The contrast of his skin and shirt looked stunning. He pressed small butterfly kisses to my neck that had me eyes rolling back into my head and my heart rate accelerating. "Merry Christmas, my love." He whispered reverently into my skin.

I pulled back, afraid we would get too carried away. That was one thing Alice and Jasper didn't need to see. I smiled at him. "Now, is there anything else I can do?"

He sighed in annoyance. "This tie doesn't seem to want to tie properly." He muttered. I took the fabric from his neck, wrapping it gently around him again, and looked into his eyes. My mind whirled of things that would never be, pieces of the future we would miss. This act, simply tying his tie for him, could have been us on his first day to work. It sounds cheesy, but it could have, at some point, been true. Now it was just a lost memory.

I secured the knot, turning down his collar before patting his shoulders (bonier than they used to be). I stood up properly, stepping back to look at him fully. I smiled; perfect. I held out my hands to him, "Are you ready to walk?" He rolled his eyes before slipping his hand into mine and standing up properly. He stood, still towering over me, but this made me feel safer than I ever thought I could be.

He kissed my forehead, making me radiate happiness. Every dark thought, every tear I'd shed last night, it all melted away into nothingness when I was around him. "I'm ready as I'll ever be." he admitted. I squeezed his hand in support, and then we made our way downstairs.

---

We all walked together down the street which ended at Rose's studio. Alice and Jasper walked in front of us, smiling gaily at each other with Jasper's arm wrapped tightly around his waists. Each held onto bags filled with presents. Edward and I looked quite similar, except we were going at a slower pace. We admired the decorations and waved hello to the passers-by, who ran to the doorstep of houses in either excitement or of wanting to get out of the cold.

Edward leaned closer to me. "This is nice." He said simply, and it made my heart flutter. That was one of the things I loved about him. Sure, sometimes he would love to go all extravagant on me, but other times, like this moment right here, when we were just walking he could find the beauty in it. I loved being able to do simple things with him. A lot of things about our relationship were simple, yet we were caught in such an un-simple situation. I wouldn't think about that now, and only focus on how lovely it was to be with my love, and people whom I love, on this day.

As we got closer to the end of the street we could begin to see the side of Rosalie's studio. She had really outdone herself - she was just as enthusiastic about décor and fashion related subjects as Alice. The large glass windows, which were mirrors on the inside, shone brightly as the gleam from the multi-coloured fairy lights shone down from the rims. If I peered close enough I could make out the large table which we would sit around later, a small dainty Christmas tree sitting in the middle of the table. Another, much bigger replica of the tree could now be seen as we walked closer, decorated to the nines with coloured tinsel. And instead of the usual dance related images on the door and hanging outside, it was Christmas images. It looked perfect, and it only made me more excited for that this day would bring.

As we crossed the road Alice ran slightly ahead, skipping the icy patches on the road with ease. She rang the doorbell as we approached, giving us smiles that would melt the heart of any man - even though Jasper was the only one for her. A few seconds later and we could hear Rose shouting 'I'm coming!' and her heeled feet dancing down the staircase which led to the door. She door opened, revealing Rosalie looking beautiful in an emerald green floaty top paired with dark jeans and heels. The green worked perfectly with her long blond hair, today curled and put into a loose bun with stray tendrils of hair at her ears. She smiled brightly at us all. "Hey guys! Merry Christmas!" She seemed extra excited today, and that only made us happier. We chorused the greeting back to her and she ushered us in out of the cold. Once our jackets were hung up we followed her up the stairs to the main room where we would all sit. It looked wonderful.

From the corner of my eye I saw Edward stare at the couch in the corner with hunger. I could tell from his facial expression that all he wanted to so was sit down and take a nap before all the real action happened. His eyes looked particularly tired. I grasped his hand, taking him away from the group who were chatting away to themselves, and led him over to the sofa. I pushed him back on his shoulders and watched as he flopped down; he couldn't have fought back if he'd tried. He pouted. "Hey! I want to talk with everyone else…"

I rolled my eyes. "Sure you do. That's why you were looking at the couch as if it was good enough to eat. Look, we all understand that you are tired; you don't need to be ashamed. So just sit here, re-gather your strength and then when the others arrive you can greet them." I reasoned carefully.

I watched as he let his argument pass, and take my hand, pressing his lips to me skin. "Thank you. Sometimes I need to be told what to do. My mind hasn't caught up with my body properly."

I leaned down and kissed his lips gently. "Don't worry about it. I'll always be here to give you a good telling off.' I chuckled, turning to see Jasper approach Edward - no doubt to chat about what was happening today - and to see that Alice and Rose had left for the kitchen to help prepare the meal. I turned back to Edward, running my hand through his hair. 'Take it easy for me, okay? I love you." I whispered to him before turning and walking in search of Alice and Rose.

----

Edward looked to his left after he felt Jasper sit down next to him. He watched the man whom he'd become increasingly close to over the half year he'd spent time with him, and saw that he was incredibly nervous. It was in his eyes, and the way he seemed to twitch at sudden movements. The face, though, was a picture of calm and collection.

Edward smirked. "So, how are you Jasper?" He asked.

Jasper nodded his head, acting nonchalant. His right leg drummed up and down, while his fingers knotted together. "Pretty good, pretty good. There's nothing quite like Christmas Day to make you happy."

Edward chuckled before leaning back into the sofa and threading a hand through his unruly hair. "Cut the crap, Jasper. I can tell your as nervous as hell."

Jasper turned fully to Edward, fear written plain as day in his eyes. When he spoke his voice was panicked. "But that's normal, right? It's supposed to be scary. I mean, I'm asking her to be with me, forever. That's a big commitment, isn't it? And maybe she won't want that? I don't know what I'd do if she said no. I might---"

Edward silenced him. "Jasper. Stop talking a mile a minute. Just relax. One, you're supposed to be nervous. If you were cocky it might not come off as such a romantic thing. And yes, it is something big, but I've seen how in love you are with my sister, and how in love she is with you. It's going to turn out fine."

Jasper scrunched his eyes together as if he had a headache. "I'm just… I'm so confused. My head is telling me its too soon, yet my heart is telling me it doesn't matter - love doesn't have time limits, right? If it feels right, I should just do it."

Edward nodded. "That's my motto.' He punched Jasper's shoulder in a brotherly way. 'You can't back out now anyway. Everyone knows, except from Alice, and you've bought the ring. That's too much money to waste!"

Jasper rolled his eyes, before turning serious again. "You're okay with this, aren't you? I mean, you're her brother and since you don't have your father around, I asked your permission. I swear I'll take care of her properly and always---"

He interrupted again, smiling. "I know you'll do everything in your power to make my sister the happiest woman in the world. Even when I'm not here to watch over you, I'll still trust you. I'm only sorry that I won't be there to see your future." He added, sadness seeping from his tone.

Jasper squeezed his shoulder. "Thank you, Edward. That means a lot to me."

Edward nodded. "You're welcome.' He quickly changed the subject, not wanting to ponder on the fact that he would never get to see Bella walk down the aisle. 'When are you planning on asking her?"

Jasper gulped, obviously still nervous. "After the dinner."

It was Edward's turn to squeeze the shoulder. "Don't worry so much; you'll be smiling by the end of the night, I'm sure of it."

----

I turned around, bowl of salad in my hands. Rosalie was kneeling by the oven, watching the meat through the glass door. Alice was at the other end of the kitchen, humming Christmas tunes to herself while she worked on one of the puddings. It was nearing two o'clock and I was starting to hear my stomach rumble. I looked at Rose. "Shall I just put the salad on that table now?"

Rose nodded, her mind on other things. "Sure, sure."

I turned, walking back into the main room, passing by Jasper and Edward who were deep in conversation. I placed the salad on that table, standing back and looking at the room properly. Suddenly the doorbell rang alerting the presence of another Christmas visitor. As soon as it had sounded I could hear Rose's heels clicking feverishly off of the laminate flooring. "I'll get it!" She called. I saw a quick rush of green and the heard the door opening. From the sounds of it, it was my parents.

I walked to the door, greeting them as they arrived. It occurred to me that I hadn't seen them together many times since they had become a couple again. It made me smile. Renee was glowing, and Charlie couldn't keep the smile off of his face - they were so in love. It made me wonder if Edward and I looked the same to outsiders.

Renee wrapped her arms around me. "Bella! Merry Christmas, my darling. It seems ages since I last saw you. You're never at home!" Guilt started to gnaw at me; I hadn't told my parent's of Edward's condition yet.

I quickly plastered a smile on my face, my eyes glinting. I leant into her ear before whispering, "Neither have you." And there it was, the Swan blush for all to see.

I rushed around to Charlie, hugging him tightly and wishing him the best on this wonderful day. After all the greetings had been done I followed them through to the main room. Renee sidled up to me, looking at the large table. "Where will your father and I be sitting, Bella?"

I looked around, viewing the small name cards, before pointing further up the table. "There, and there. Edward and I will be sitting opposite you, with Rose to your side and Alice and Jasper to mine. Then… wait a minute…" Something seemed strange. I couldn't the number of people we had and then the number of seats.

I called out to Rose. "Rose! You seem to have put an extra seat at the table. Do you want me to move it?" I went around to the spare seat, ready to take it out the way. Suddenly Rose was at my side, pulling my hands off the chair.

She smiled, shyly. "Just leave it there, please." She said quietly.

I cocked my head to the side, smiling lightly. "Are we expecting someone else?"

Rose looked down as silence enveloped the room. Everyone was looking at her, wondering the same thing. Personally, I hoped she had found someone to come today. Everyone else was in a couple and I hated to see Rosalie left our. She blushed. "Um… yeah, I uh, actually invited Emmett to have Christmas with us."

Alice jumped at her other side, clapping her hands excitedly. "Oh Rose! That's great. He's a lovely guy. Does that mean that you guys are… a couple?"

Rose shrugged, a small smile on her lips. "We're getting there. It's complicated. But we're sort of… together?" She ended as if it sounded like a question.

A second later and the doorbell rang again. Everyone stood silently as the sound echoed throughout the studio. Rose smiled widely. "That'll be him. Try and act normal; don't look as if you've been waiting for him." She rolled her eyes at us. We all spread out, engaging in conversation that really had no meaning for us at all. A few minutes later and Rose came into the room with Emmett by her side. My eyes followed down to where their hands were entwined and I couldn't help but smile widely at them. They looked perfect together.

Emmett grinned widely. "Merry Christmas everyone!" He exclaimed loudly, making everyone laugh. Yes, he'd fit right in.

----

The dinner was over, and Edward was exhausted. It had been fun; he'd never smiled or laughed so much in his life. Watching Rose and Emmett interact had made his day - he'd always wanted Rose to be happy. And of course, having Bella by his side all day had made it all the better.

But still, there was one thing that they had still yet to see.

He locked eyes with Jasper, smiling as he did so. He could see the panic in Jasper's eyes and he started to shake his head. No, Edward wouldn't let him back out of this one. He glared in Jasper's direction, and watched as he took a deep breath and took his glass in a shaking hand. He began to stand, with everyone quieting as they saw this, and he cleared this throat. "I'd like to make a toast." He stated, smiling.

Once everyone had quietened completely, he began. He was still never, but he knew this was ultimately what he wanted. "First of all, I'd like to wish everyone, once again, a merry Christmas. It had been great spending this day with you. I know first hand that everyone in this room has spent a somewhat lovely time for the last few years on this day, so that has made this day even more special. It's been great to have everyone together like this - so a special thank you to Rosalie for hosting this."

Everyone gave a short applause to Rose, who bowed her head and blushed. Everyone watched as Emmett leaned over and kissed her cheek.

Jasper started again. "But most of all, I wanted to tell you what I am most thankful for. It isn't a thing, it's a person. And she's sitting right next to me.' All eyes went to Alice, who smiled up at Jasper lovingly. 'Alice, since I have known you you've made every day better for me. The sun shines brighter, and everything about my life is much happier than it was before. I love you. You make me complete and even though it's such an overused phrase, I can't imagine living without you.' He took a deep breath. 'And that's why I want to ask you a question."

He pushed his chair further back and got down on one knee. Everyone smiled knowingly while Alice gasped loudly. Edward could see the beginnings of tears in her eyes. Jasper looked at her with all the love in the world as he spoke once more. "Alice, this may seem sooner than you expected, but when something feels right, it feels right. I know that I'll never want anyone else, and that I'll never stop loving you. So Alice, please tell me you'll marry me, and become my wife."

Everyone waited with baited breath for her answer.

**A/N; Oh, I'm cruel. Leaving you with such a cliff hanger! To be honest, though, it's pretty clear what her answer will be… or is it? Haha, wait for the next chapter to find out.**

**On a good note, I start the summer holidays in 3 days! So hopefully I'll have more time to write than normal. (:**

**CHAPTER COUNTDOWN: 9 Chapters to go.**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews I've had so far.**

**Do you mind giving me some more?**

**-xlovestory.**


	43. Forty Two

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Forty-Two.**

All eyes were on her. She could feel their stares, the hairs on the back of her neck creeping up uncharacteristically - she usually loved the spotlight. Yet she couldn't see them. They weren't there. There was only one person in this room right now, and that was Jasper.

Could he really have meant what he said? She thought she might of heard wrong. Will you marry me? Will you marry me? Will you marry me? His words swirled around her head, clouding every other thought until she could focus on nothing else. Was he really asking her? Truly? She thought her ears were tricking her, but there was that small part of her that was telling her this was all happening.

That was when the shock set in, anchoring in her stomach, threatening to make her lose all control. This was real; this was happening. Everyone was waiting for her to make the decision which would change her life considerably. Her hands moved to her mouth, unable to hide the shock she was feeling. Yet here Jasper was - the one she loved - kneeling down on the floor holding out a beautiful ring. He was asking her to reach out and take this chance with him; take the ring. He wanted her, forever.

Every useless man, every bad relationship, every time her heart had been broken, she had known there would be something better. It had all been leading up to this moment. He had healed her of every crack her heart had held, and nothing else seemed to matter to her when she was with him. He completed her, and made her better. None of the other men had ever had anything on the man in front of her. He was the best of all men, in her eyes.

So really, in her mind, she could only think of one thing to say.

She sighed, her eyes blurry with tears waiting to spill. "Yes." She whispered, just enough to let everyone, and most of all Jasper, hear. There was moment of silence, where everyone registered what she had just said. The blank, hopeful look on Jasper's face turned to one of shock, then of pure joy as a grin as wide as the room set onto his face. She giggled, her face breaking through the clouds like the sun, and suddenly she was wrapped in his arms, being turned around the room in his arms to their applause.

He settled her down on the ground, his eyes drawn completely to hers. As the clapping quietened, and everyone gave the couple a moment of their own while the exclaimed how happy they were for said couple, Jasper looked down into her eyes, showing all the love in the world. He cupped her face gently in his warm hands and brought their lips together, kissing her reverently. He whispered against their joint lips, "Thank you for making me the happiest man alive." Her heart soared at his words.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, one hand travelling from her shoulder to the end of her fingers, kissing each knuckle. He stepped back, locking eyes with her and she felt cold metal slide up her third finger; his smile grew with every second. He brought the ringed finger to his lips, kissing the piece of jewellery - all she could see was the reflection of the shiny stone on his face, for she couldn't pull her eyes away. Eventually she did, and she was brought to tears. It was beautiful, and made for her. Jasper knew her well.

Renee gasped from over the table. All eyes moved to her, who's own eyes were situated firmly on the ring on Alice's finger. Renee smiled. "So beautiful, Alice; you're glowing. Congratulations."

Alice looked down, turning into Jasper's arms, who readily wrapped them around her. "Thank you Renee."

At that moment nearly everyone was out of their seats, circling around the pair. The men went to Jasper, patting him on the back and telling him to do her proud. The woman went to Alice, who held her hand out to be examined while the girls 'aww'ed around her. Rosalie hugged her tightly, wishing her all the best, while Renee gushed over the ring again. Alice turned around to find Bella behind her. Bella's eyes shone with unshed tears, her love for her best friend written plainly in her eyes. With just that look, Alice felt her own tears re-appear. They stayed apart for a few moments, the other woman silent around them. Bella chocked back a sob, which sounded out throughout the large room, making everyone aware of Bella and Alice's moment. Bella looked down to the floor, before looking back up again and opening her arms. Alice ran into her embrace hugging her tightly. Alice cried softly in Bella ear. "Bella, I'm sorry." She felt as if she had to apologise. She was living out her wishes - to be with her man forever - while Bella wouldn't be able to follow through with hers. It seemed unfair and Alice wished it wasn't so.

Bella seemed to hold her tighter. She shook her head, Alice feeling the movement on her small shoulder. "You have nothing to be sorry for. This is your moment, and it's meant to be. Enjoy it. Congratulations." Bella pulled back, smiling at her friend. "You'll make a wonderful wife for Jasper." She said softly.

Alice shrugged, "I hope so," She whispered. She looked up again, seeing Edward's figure behind Bella. His eyes shone with brotherly pride, and love for her. He walked forward, and in those few moments she thought about everything that they'd gone through together. How many times had he comforted her after a particularly bad break-up? There were too many times to count. But he would no longer have to do that now. She would have someone else to comfort her and make her feel worthy again. She had found love, and unlike Edward, would be able to act on it properly.

He finally reached her, hugging her close to his bonier frame. Her own body shook with sobs. He gently whispered in her ear, reminding her of the nights he would do so when she had a nightmare. "I couldn't have parted with you for someone less worthy of your love, Alice. I'm sure you'll be happy, always."

She nodde4d against his chest, eventually pulling back and smiling. More congratulations were given to the pair, while Edward and Bella hung back, watching his sister and the person who had always been a brother to Bella enjoy their moments. His arms wrapped around her waist and she leant backwards into his touch, their fingers entwining. He bent down and pressed a kiss to her temple. "That went off without a hitch, then."

Bella smiled, laughing. "Yes. All of his worries were for nothing. There wasn't any alternative for Alice - she could only have said yes.' Bella looked on fondly at the pair. 'They'll be good together."

Edward nodded, gently resting his chin on Bella's head. "They already are. They're lucky enough to know that, God forbidding, they'll be together forever."

Bella's grip in his fingers tightened. She looked down and whispered, just enough so he could hear her. "Don't talk like that Edward." She had cried enough for that evening.

He gently released his grip, turning her around so they were chest to chest. He placed his two fingers under her chin, guiding her gaze up to his. "I just wish I would be able to give the same gift to you, Bella. I wish that I could marry you and live the life with you I always dreamed. But I can't. Seeing everyone else so happy and ready for their future frustrates me; knowing that I won't be able to do any of this with you frustrates me."

She could feel the pent up angry flowing through him. She rose onto her tip toes and pressed their lips together chastely; there was no need to give Charlie a heart attack. She they continued to kiss she felt his muscles relax and him become the loving, happy man she knew he was, and still could be. She moved back an inch and ran one hand through his glorious hair, feeling the tendrils flow through her fingers. She would miss his hair when it was gone. "I'm with you, and we're going to be happy with whatever time we have left together. There is no point focussing on things that will no longer happen. Don't become sad thinking of what could have been, take happiness from what will happen."

He nodded, knowing she was once again right. He looked up again and saw that Alice and Jasper were watching our exchange. He smiled slightly to them, and Bella, noticing, turned around to look at them too. She blushed, realising they were taking the newly engaged couples moment. She took Edwards hand and dragged him back to the table where the Christmas celebrations began again.

----

The party had gone well in her eyes. It had been emotional, for more reasons than one, but the fact that it had brought everyone together on Christmas Day had pleased Rosalie. The house seemed quiet now, without the noise of endless chatter and laughter. The party poppers had been popped, leaving their residue on the floor for her to clean up later. The wine bottles, which had been full, were now empty, leaving her and them all with Christmas cheer settling in their stomachs. The only sound she could hear was that of the television, and Emmett's occasional chuckles.

Emmett was still here.

They'd said goodbye to Charlie and Renee first; Charlie hadn't wanted Renee to drive since she was slightly tipsy. Then Alice and Jasper, who suddenly couldn't keep their hands off of each other, went back to his place. Edward and Bella stayed around for a while, with Bella even offering to help clean up. Everyone could tell they were quieter than usual. Rosalie had shaken her head, telling them to go and get some sleep and she'd clean up in the morning. After they'd gone Emmett seemed to just stay around. She didn't push him out, and he didn't move. It was unsaid; they both just wanted to be around each other.

She stacked the dishes into the dish washer, filling it up to the brim but not turning it fully on. She couldn't be bothered; she'd do it in the morning. Suddenly she felt heat on her back, as if someone was standing behind her. She didn't turn around - knowing it was Emmett - and simply relished in the feeling. A wine glass came over her shoulder and rested in front of her face, Emmett's breath tickling her neck in the process. "Have another glass with me, Rosie." She smiled at her nickname - it gave her shivers down her spine.

She moved her head slightly, locking eyes with Emmett. Her fingers wrapped around the glass and she smiled in gratitude. She tipped her head back and took a gulp. "I've probably had more than enough for today."

He gently pressed a kiss to her temple. "But it's Christmas," He replied. That was reason enough. She felt aftershocks process through her body at his touch, and the feeling of his arms leaning against the counter top around her didn't feel like he was trapping her; she felt at home.

She turned around, now standing chest to chest with him, only a slip of space between them. He smiled gently down at her, capturing her heart once again. She placed the glass down on the counter beside her and crossed her arms over her chest. "Today was lovely, wasn't it?"

He nodded. "It was. Jasper and Alice… you can see how much they mean to each other." He was simply an onlooker to their relationship, and even he could tell how meant to be they were. To Rosalie, who had known them for much longer and had watched their relationship progress, found it such a beautiful Christmas event. She was privileged to have known about it first.

She giggled at the memory. "I remember the day when Jasper came over here; it was just last week. He came in and he was just so… edgy. I instantly knew something was up. And then he told me and I saw their entire future in front of my eyes. The wedding, the children, the picket fence… everything. You just have to look at them together, as you did, and see."

He chuckled. "I get what you mean. And then it got very emotional; Bella's reaction and Edward's. That just really confused me. Shouldn't they be happy for them? I mean, I know they are… but they seemed almost upset at the same time." Rosalie listened to his words, trying not to be distracted by the way his fingers were caressing her arm.

She looked down. "Both couples are very close. Edward and Alice are sisters, Jasper and Bella are just as close - they grew up together. So they've progressed in their relationship together. But… Edward and Bella are going through a rough time at the moment. While Jasper and Alice can plan their future, Edward and Bella can't.' She looked up at Emmett, and whispered with emotion. 'Edward has heart cancer and it's incurable."

Emmett looked down, guilty. Rosalie took his face in her hands, making him look at her. "Don't guilt trip yourself. You didn't know. If I was out of the loop like you were I'd think the same thing."

He closed his eyes at her touch. With his eyes still closed he replied, "When you hear things like that it just makes you realise how little time you have. How things can change for the better, or the worse, in a second."

His eyes flashed open, capturing her again. Without even realising they leant closer. Her hands threaded into his hair while his hands took hold of her hips, moving them together, obliterating the space between them. He watched as her eyes flickered close, and without any hesitation their lips joined. She moaned into his mouth, the sensations overwhelming her - it had been too long since she'd been like this with someone. And it felt completely different; James had never made her feel completely whole like Emmett did, and just with a simple kiss.

When they pulled away, his forehead rested on hers and he smiled down at her. "I've been waiting months to do that." He admitted wistfully.

She giggled. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting."

He looked at her meaningfully before taking her hand and leading her back to the living room. She closed her eyes to the mess before her and just let herself be led away. He sat her down on the couch. "There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about."

Her eyebrows raised, she prompted him.

He reached down into the briefcase he had brought with him and pulled out a bunch of papers. "I need to talk to you about Bella."

----

Their hands entwined together, swung forward and backward as the walked the streets. Every so often they would pass a street light and it would hit the stone of her new engagement ring; seeing it sparkle made Jasper's heart jump. They walked in comparative silence, watching as the lights went out down the street and the decorations were switched off. He squeezed her tighter to his body, feeling her warmth and together they saw tiny snowflakes begin to fall, making it truly a White Christmas once again.

He pressed his lips gently to her neck. "What are you thinking about, future Mrs Whitlock?"

She giggled, pressing one hand into his chest. He grabbed that hand, pulling her closer and kissed each finger. She sighed happily. "You. Me. Us. Our future. Our impending wedding. Everything." She answered. He felt his pride soar. He knew he had made the right decision now. Seeing her this happy made all those needless worries float away.

All he could utter was, "I love you. I'm so glad I asked you to marry me."

She smiled up at him, her eyes shining with love and enthusiasm. "I'm glad you asked me, and even more glad I said yes. There was no other way I could have answered." She replied, and I knew her words were the truth.

She stepped back and they began to walk again. Alice turned to him suddenly, clapping her hands excitedly. "We'll have to start the wedding plans soon, Jas. You know, booking accommodation, getting the dress, sending the invites, getting a chef…"

He pressed his lips to hers quickly, effectively silencing her. He smiled at her, shaking his head. "We've been engaged a few hours and you've already got all plans going. Don't you just want to… be engaged, and then get married."

Her expression seemed to melt. "You don't want to marry me soon?" She asked, her voice crippling him.

He mentally slapped him head. "There is nothing I want more than to marry you, and I'm ready to marry you whenever you wish."

Her eyes started to turn glassy, a sign that tears were on the way. He couldn't believe he was so stupid. A few hours into his new role as fiancé and he's already made her upset. He'd vowed to keep her happy, and he was already losing. She hiccupped. "I want to get married soon, Jasper. I need to."

He pulled her closer, wishing he could take all the sadness away. "Sure. I'm there. Whenever you wish. But, why so soon?"

She buried her head into his neck, and even though her words were slightly muffled he heard them clear as day. They made him feel even more guilty and ashamed. "I want my brother to walk me down the aisle.".

He cursed himself. "I'm sorry, honey. I've been so stupid. I wasn't thinking. Please, forgive me." He begged her.

She hugged him tighter. "It's okay. Just, promise me we'll marry while he's still strong enough."

He held her head in his hands gently, staring into her eyes deeply. "Whatever you wish, baby. As long as your happy, that's all that matters."

----

Christmas Day had been great. It had been a chance to forget all our worries, and all the deadly thoughts that Edward may fall ill, but today, a week after Christmas, the real world came crashing down. Reality began, and I suddenly wished I wouldn't have.

I currently sat, Edward's hand resting in mine, in the hospital waiting room. He was due for his check-up. But, as with all things doctor related, you were never taken on time. We had been sitting here for twenty minutes. The magazines taunted me; 'Bride to Be' and 'You and Your Child' resting upwards on the small coffee table. The room was painted white, which was supposed to be calming, but had the opposite effect on me; I simply felt edgy. And I wasn't even the one who was being examined. Edward sat, just staring at the wall, occasionally rubbing circles on our joined hands. I watched the snow melt on the street outside.

Eventually, after years of waiting, a young woman with bushy brown curly hair walked into the room. "Mr Edward Cullen?" She asked, her voice a soft squeak. Edward began to stand, taking me with him. I watched as the woman let her eyes roam freely over his body and I felt my disgust for this woman rise. Fine, look at him when he's outside, but when you know he's ill… it was just sickening.

I tugged his arm closer to me, and he seemed to find comfort in my action. Jessica (it said on her name badge) on the other hand, glared at me. I simply narrowed my eyes at her and she turned, taking us through to Carlisle's room. Edward had seen him a few times - he was now on first name terms.

She gestured to the door and let us file through in front of her. With one last glare she closed the door in front of her, leaving us both with only Carlisle. If I didn't have Edward, I would be lusting over this man. He looked up at us, smiling in a calming nature as we walked towards his desk and took a seat. His eyes told of his love for his job, and how he cared for his patients. I knew Edward was in safe hands here.

He smiled warmly. "Good morning, Edward. And hello to…" He looked at me.

I smiled, "Bella. Edward's girlfriend." I answered for him.

Carlisle looked between us, especially at our joined hands. "It's nice to meet you, Bella. You understand Edward's condition, yes? Because, it is usually confidential…"

Edward squeezed me hand. "There are no secrets between us, Doctor. Anything you say to me can be said in front of Bella."

He nodded. "Very good. Now, let's start with the main focus. How have you been feeling of late, Edward?"

He shrugged in a non-committal fashion. "Nothing out of the ordinary. I have had a few 'pain attacks' as I like to call them, but they are few and far between. I am gaining back the strength I lost after that time at the hospital - I'm loving it while it lasts. That's it really."

He nodded again. "And what about your diet?' He looked at me, smiling. 'I hope you're keeping him on good food, Bella."

I laughed. "Only the best."

He settled back into his chair, leaning against the back with his arms on the rests. "It's great to know that you're feeling much better, but unfortunately, we all know that won't last forever. Given that, I'm sure you want to know the time limit, etcetera."

Edward rubbed his eyes. "And you can't give me that, can you?"

He looked down, somewhat ashamed. "I wish I could, Edward, I really do. I also wish I could cure you, but some things are just too impossible. With that said, it really is impossible for me to try and give you a date… I'd give you up to a year."

Up to a year. Up to 365 days with Edward left. The thought made everything come crashing down on me, and I could really sense how real this all was. It wasn't something I could push aside. It was happening, whether either of us wanted it to or not. He was my pain priority now; everything else could wait. I looked over at Edward as a silence fell over the three of us. He looked down at our joined hands, bringing them up and kissing mine. I felt a slight wetness when his touch left me, as if a tear had run down his cheek.

He stood up, reaching out and shaking Carlisle's hand. "Thank you, Doctor. That's all I wanted to know."

----

We walked most of the route home, completely consumed in our own thoughts. I had no clue what Edward was thinking, but he must have been thinking the worst. His hand had never held mine so tightly. I looked up and watched his beautiful face contort in emotional pain - something I'd seen too many times in the past month or so.

It was heartbreaking. I wanted to take away everything splinter of pain that was digging into him. I wanted to reassure him that I was here, and would be until the end. I needed him to know this.

I stopped dead in my tracks, making Edward's walk come to an abrupt stop. As he jerked backwards, so did his thoughts, and he turned to me in confusion. "Bella…"

I looked up at him, my eyes glassy. "Please, stop tormenting yourself. It makes me feel so useless. I'm here, and I want you to unload all your problems on me. I don't care about myself anymore, only you." I cried, trying to make him realise. I walked up to him, standing with no space between up now, and gripped his face in my hands, bringing him down to my level. "I'm here for you, Edward. I'm not going anywhere. I don't want to see you in pain that you can avoid, my darling." I whispered into his mouth, gently kissing him.

His arms wrapped round me, clutching me to him as if his life depended on it. "I know, and I love that you're here. It's just… it's so hard… it's too much to handle."

I kissed his neck. "So we'll handle it together. We'll get through this together. And nothing, I repeat, nothing could take me away from you."

We stayed in that position for a long time, seemingly unable to move. We were statues, unmoving, and not caring as the world around us stepped by our entwined forms. Eventually, he stepped back. He placed a loving kiss on my cheek, thanking me with his eyes. Then he grasped my hand and we began to walk home.

It only took fifteen minutes to get there. My head was so muddled and had so many thoughts floating through at once that it seemed only seconds ago Edward and I had embraced. As we walked closer to our home I saw Jasper's car in the driveway, with another unrecognisable car on the pavement outside. It told me that others were there. I looked to Edward, who shrugged - he didn't know why either.

I got my keys out of my pocket and thrust them into the lock. With a sharp turn the lock clicked open and thus the door squeaked open itself. The house was quiet, except for the chatter coming from the living room. We stepped inside and Edward closed the door behind him. With the bang of the door, the noise from the living room ceased. I took his hand and we went through.

Entering the room I saw Jasper and Alice, her in his arms, sharing a chair. Walking further in we were greeted by a smiling Rosalie, and to her side, a grinning Emmett. I smiled in response, shaking off my jacket. "Hey guys! How are you all?"

Everyone gave positive responses as Edward took my jacket, threw it over the end of the sofa, and we both sat down. The chatter ceased again, and I looked around to see everyone looking at me. I felt very self conscious. "What?" I asked.

Alice just giggled. "Nothing."

I rolled my eyes. "What are you all here for, then?"

Emmett coughed dramatically. "I have a proposal for you, Bella." I chuckled as his dramatics, and then waited for him to finish.

"Would you like a record deal?"

**A/N; What'dya know? Another cliffhanger. Again, you ask? Yeah, I just can't get enough of them. Thatnks you for all your reviews. They really spur me on. I'm on my summer holidays now, so hopefully more time for writing. Hopefully…**

**CHAPTER COUNT DOWN: _8_ chapters to go.**

**So, can we make 400 reviews? All in favour, say 'aye'.**

**Oh, and review, of course…**

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	44. Forty Three

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Forty-Three.**

I stared at him blankly, wondering if I'd heard correctly. His words shot through my ears once again, and my heart began to beat faster, telling me that his words were true. I found myself exploding with emotion, none of which were coming to the surface. Everything under my skin shot around like a whirlwind. His words thundered in a repeating pattern, going from one ear drum to the next. My stomach tightened unbearably; I felt sick. Bubbles of excitement threatened to bounce off of my skin, a layer of protection to my emotions.

I realised then, why I couldn't let my reaction through.

It was a barrier; a sign telling me to stop and think through this. There was nothing more I wanted to do than jump from the sofa in that moment, throw my arms around my new friend Emmett (who was becoming exceedingly popular in my books) and tell him 'yes' over and over again. But something was stopping me. It covered me, blanketed me, stitched up to tightly and neatly that nothing could get through. Everything I felt inside was kept inside, and subconsciously, I knew I wasn't supposed to act on those feelings yet. That was why my shield was there. It kept me warm; it kept me from saying things that part of me knew I shouldn't.

The silence around me was eerie. I'd never been a fan of being in the spotlight, and their stares were uncomfortable. I looked around the room at all the faces which looked back at me, gauging at the reaction I would never let come.

To the far left there was Alice. She was sitting on the chair, balancing on Jasper's lap. Her eyes were full of excitement, until they began to falter, and her eyes which had held so much spark moments ago began to fade. Her smile, usually so bright, became confused as to why I was taking so long to react; confused as to why I was questioning my dreams. I couldn't give her an answer, so I kept my lips close.

Looking behind her I saw Jasper, who grinned at me. His face told me that he was proud of me, and that I'd finally made it - I'd managed to get to where I'd always wanted to go. In his eyes I saw that cheeky spark of 'I told you so'. He'd contradicted me every time I said I wasn't good enough. Then the confusion began to seep through, and he, like Alice, began to see what I was doing. His eyes bore into mine, telling me not to give up on this. My skin tightened around me again, close to suffocation. Instead of fainting, I moved onto the next face.

I moved slowly to Rose's face, passing the overly large Christmas tree that Alice was refusing to take down. My eyes caught onto the angel which was hanging limply to the side after I stumbled one morning into the tree - I'd warned Alice that I hadn't had enough coffee in my system. Then my eyes caught Rose. She was indecipherable. Her expression was completely neutral, as if she knew that was what I needed. She showed nothing of what she was feeling - quite like me in this moment - and therefore I was allowed to think what I wanted to think without her looks to guide me into a decision. She was a blank canvas, pure as the day it was bought. She showed me nothing, and gave her nothing, and knowing that she wouldn't change anytime soon I moved to Emmett.

I caught his eyes and his face changed from a pouty frown to an engaging smile. The kind of smile that makes you want to do whatever that person was asking you to do - I knew in that moment how he was so good in business (that expression could bring you to your knees). He looked at me expectantly, just a little unsure-ness was unhidden. It was obvious he was wondering why I hadn't reacted the way I had originally wanted to. And even after my moments of thoughts, I still couldn't tell him the answer. I hadn't found it yet.

When I swivelled my head around to the other side, everything suddenly became clear.

Edward.

Unknowingly, he had became the reason of my predicament. One look into his face - alight with joy for me, and a wondering on what was taking me so long to confirm that my life long dreams had just been answered - and I knew why I couldn't jump for joy exclaiming. I just couldn't do that. I had different priorities now to the ones I had had when I started this wonderful journey. I had made new promises to myself, and to others, which I couldn't just go back on. Edward moved his arm, which had been around my shoulders, and cupped my cheek, awakening me from my trance. I blinked, still utterly confused as to how to answer, even though I had just found my problem. My completely, gorgeous and loving problem.

"Bella, love, are you alright. You've gone quite pale." Edward's concerned voice floated through my clouded thoughts.

I blinked again, trying to get out of my head and my stitched up suit of skin to speak. When I did, my voice was croaky and uncertain. "Huh? Me, oh, I'm fine. Just a little… taken aback, to be honest.' I rested my weight on my hands, spreading my fingers on the ledge of the leather sofa - the heat radiating off the fabric was making me sweat and stick to the couch. I braced myself, unsure of my legs holding up under my weight. In the past few seconds I had thought so much, felt so much, and uncovered too many problems to sort out. But somehow I found the strength in my lower being and stood up, not a bit shaky. I folded my arms, turning to Emmett. I was completely aware of the silence around me - I could hear my worn Converses squeak on Alice's newly polished floorboards. I eyed him, trying to comprehend. "I… uh, can you repeat what you just said, please Emmett?" My voice was now back to normal, albeit for the shaky start of my sentence.

He looked around at everyone else, confused as to what I was saying. Then he turned to me, frowning just slightly, before shrugging. I think he sensed I needed to be told again, just to reassure myself I knew what he was saying. He clasped his hands together in a rather business like way. "I'm asking you if you would like a record deal." He repeated.

I nodded, already knowing what he had said but still slightly comforted. I rubbed my arms, feeling a chill in the air which I hadn't felt before. It had crept up on me, trying to soak into my skin - it had only partly succeeded, for my protective layer was still as strong as before. I blinked at Emmett. "You're really asking me that. It isn't a joke. This is real, legal and everything."

He looked at Rosalie again, who was still showing nothing. He turned back to me. "Um, yeah. This is real. I have the papers in my briefcase and everything…"

My hand shot out on it's own accord, palm outward as a stop sign. At my sudden movement I felt everyone flinch around me. I shook my head. I didn't want to see papers; I didn't want to sign anything. It was all too much as it was now, I didn't need to add to it. "I don't need any papers at the moment Emmett. I just… I need to go for a walk."

I turned around, leaning over the sofa and grabbing my jacket from under Edward's. No-one made to move as I went t the living room door - they all knew I needed some time to readjust to the life changing prospect that had been laid in front of me.

Only Edward made a comment. "Love, would you like me to come with you, or would you rather go alone?"

His comment made me smile. We were near inseparable these days; I never wanted to leave his side. We had this undeniable pull towards each other, and he felt it just as much as I did. But this time it would just be me and my thoughts. I popped my head around the door again. "I'd rather just go alone, but thank you anyway. I don't think I'll be too long."

Then I left the house.

----

By the time I'd made it around the block six times I'd finally managed to make some sort of sense of the mess in my brain. Now my worries and confusion were categorized and I would be able to go through things one by one and sort it out. I hoped.

Firstly, I had this amazing opportunity in front of me - one I never thought could ever exist. I can remember vividly the day when I announced to my father that I knew what I wanted to do. He had been nagging me for weeks, telling me I had to have something to reach for during my schooling - he claims he'd known he wanted into the police force when he was thirteen. I remember breaking my musical ambition to him over the dinner table. He had put his fork down on his plate and looked at me. "That's a very ambitious thing to want to do, and if you want it badly enough I'm sure you'll get it. Let's just keep your options open, you know?" He'd said, alerting me to his unsure nature about the situation. From then on I was hesitant to tell anyone about my dreams. Anyone I did tell always encouraged me but at one point of another, in their comment, they would tell me it was near impossible. I grew up, searching for my dream, and found nearly nothing, telling me they had been right all along. My dreams were not going to come true.

Now they were being handed to me on a silver platter.

It would be easy, almost too easy for me to go back into that living room and say yes. By neck week I could be jetting off into the sunset, booking a recording studio, laying down my music and creating my own sound. Even just thinking about it makes my stomach tie in knots of desire. God knows I've wanted this for longer than I can remember, and damn it, I deserve something good in my life. I stop in the pavement, the thought 'What the hell are you here? What are you waiting for?' whizzing through my brain.

Edward's face shows up in my brain in seconds, and my feet pound the streets again.

Edward. How ironic was it that the person who had helped me pursue my dreams was the one person who stopped me from immediately accepting. Yet I couldn't hate him for this - I could never hate him. I knew, in fact, that if I asked him he would tell me to forget all about him and run at the chance. He would do that for me. But I couldn't do that to him. He means too much to me.

Months ago I would have leapt at this chance, but that was before things got worse. I had never seen Edward's health deteriorating, and that was what was making me stop and think. I had promised him I would always be there for him. That I would be beside him through very step in the long and tiring process. I would sit with him through every bout of pain, every appointment at the hospital, every single moment. No matter how much I wanted to live my dream and make my music I knew I would regret it if I did. In the long run being with Edward through this time would be the most rewarding for me. I needed to spend as much time as possible with him before I truly lost him. I would take that risk, accepting that I might never get this type of chance again. He meant more to me than every penny, every signature, every song.

And so, as I walked around the same block, passing the Cullen window more than fifteen times now, I came to a conclusion. I would decline Emmett's offer - however kind it was of him to seek this out for me - and stay with Edward. He would object but nothing could move me from this. The only way I would get the best of both world would be some kind of miracle. If I could stay with Edward in Forks and make music here as well, then that would prove that fate had a hand in this - but I knew this was near impossible. I was trying to grab at anything that would bring back the dream, and let my cling to Edward. There was nothing to grab. I knew that already. One might hope.

I rounded the corner again, coming close to where everyone else was in the Cullen house. This time I didn't move past the house as I had before. My mind was made up. Before I could change my mind I opened the door again and stepped through. The house was just as quiet as I had left it. Stepping into the living room I saw everyone sitting in the same position as they had been when I had left. It was as if I'd pressed as pause button when I'd exited.

I stood by the door, and turned towards Emmett. "Where would I be working if I signed this contract?"

He looked excited, and then I finished my sentence. He gave me a somewhat sympathetic glance. "You've have to move out to LA. That's where they want to working, at least for your first album. Then you have free rein, I think. They might be willing to negotiate, but it's only a slim chance."

I crossed my arms. "Then I can't accept. I'm sorry, because I know that you probably wangled a lot of things to get my this deal Emmett, but I just can't take it. I need to be here with Edward and the family. I hope you understand."

Emmett nodded. I looked at the floorboards, trying to drown myself in the shocked silence. Even with my eyes to the floor I could see a small movement, a shaking of bronze hair. It was Edward, and just like I knew he would, he was objecting. He stood up. His eyes were slightly angry, but mostly pleading. "No. I won't let you do this, Bella. This is your dream, and I know how much you really want this. All my problems are crowding your thought process. I won't let my condition pull you back!"

It was my turn to shake me head. "I won't budge Edward. I've made my decision, and it was my decision to make. I'm staying here, with you."

He grabbed my arms, begging me to listen. "It isn't fair to you. You'll wake up tomorrow morning wishing you'd taken this chance. You'll never get a chance like this again Bella, and I won't be standing in the way. I won't let myself.' He turned to Emmett. 'She'll do it. She'll sign."

I stepped in front of Edward. "No, I won't - I've made my decision Emmett.' I turned back to Edward, my eyes flashing. 'You have no right to do that, Edward. You aren't going to push me into this. You don't know what I truly want. I want to be with you. I need to be with you. It isn't an option for me. Please believe me. I'd only regret it if I didn't spend as much time with you as possible.'

I rammed myself into his chest, curling my arms around him, desperate for his understanding and warmth. 'I can't stay away from you; it'd kill me." I was crying now. I could feel my hot tears soak through the fabric of his shirt. Then I felt his arms wrap around me, and something wet on my forehead - his own tears.

"I'd hate to take this away from you, Bella." He murmured, his voice cracking.

I shook my head. "The only thing I care about is you. Don't take yourself away from me, Edward. I wouldn't survive."

We couldn't live without each other, and despite Edward's stubborn nature, he knew that too. I needed him and he needed me.

My career would take a backseat for him.

And I knew I wouldn't regret this decision.

**A/N; A short chapter, but it didn't need filling. I enjoyed writing this, purely just to show Bella's feelings at the situation. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for all your reviews - they really did mean a lot to me.**

**CHAPTER COUNT DOWN: 7 chapters to go.**

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	45. Forty Four

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Forty-Four.**

_… and seeing you give up your dreams for me; it almost broke my heart. You deserve the best, my Bella, and I'm afraid of holding you back. Please, when you read this, do not doubt of how much I loved you, and of how much I wanted you with me - right now, I can't even imagine going through this without you (it makes our separation look stupid and I wish I had realised that at the time). But you chose me over your dreams, and I can only hope that one day the opportunity arises for you again. You never know what's around the corner, Bella. Perhaps it's right in front of your eyes._

_I love you, and always will,_

_Your Edward._

He signed it off at the bottom, watching the tip of the pen glide over the rough surface of the paper, seeing the ink seep, making all his thoughts documented. His style of writing had always been old fashioned - he remembered fondly the days where he would sit at his fathers side and watch him write numerous letters. Looking back over the letter, one of nearly thirty he had written to her, he folded it in half, numbering it on the edge, and then slipped it back into the book sitting on his lap. That box held a million memories, all of which Bella would read when the time was right. He'd get Alice to fix that.

He thought back over the last three weeks. It had all gone by so quickly. One minute he had been told he had a year to live, the next he had found he was the reason Bella would not fulfil her dreams. He had been over and over that situation in his mind, without telling Bella of course. It would not do her to worry about such things. He could see her reasoning, and was more than happy to have her by his side. But to have the knowledge that she could have been making the music she longed to instead, hurt him slightly. He didn't want to hold her back, and no amount of her refusing he was doing such a thing would let that thought escape his mind.

It had been just over three weeks since Emmett had offered the contract. Bella had walked around and around the block in circles, trying to find the answer, and he couldn't offer the comfort she might have needed. But she had made it clear that it was her decision to make. He knew why he hadn't been invited - she would have taken his thoughts too seriously, instead of thinking of her own. He wanted what was best for her, but what was best in her eyes and his eyes was different. She'd made her decision, he'd accepted it and life had returned as normal, as was possible. He'd awoken earlier than her the next again day and had stared at her angelic face, wondering if when her eyes flickered open he'd see regret. But she hadn't regretted her choice, and she'd promised him that she knew what she was doing. He'd seen the moments where she'd be alone, sitting at the piano and looking out of the window, searching for her future. In those moments, when she thought she was alone, he could see the what if's floating in her eyes. But then she'd snap out of it, as if knowing that it was useless now (and not what she truly wanted). He continued to thank her every day, sometimes with or without words, for making her choice. Even if he regretted the choice she had made, he was thankful she had done so.

A repeated knocking sound vibrated in his room, from upstairs. It kept going, like the man working upstairs - a tradesman called Laurent - was hammering a nail into a wall. He turned onto his back, feeling the pillows of the bed rest against his head (he had felt weary and too exhausted to get up that morning). He pursed his lips together, staring at the ceiling which would be the floor Laurent was currently standing on. A small smirk graced his lips, for he knew exactly what was going on up there.

Suddenly another sound entered his ears, something he was very tuned to. Her footsteps could be heard on the stairs, even though the repeated knocking sound was still continuing, and he quickly placed the lid on top of his letter-filled box, before reaching over and shoving the box back under his bed. Her footsteps neared the door, and he could feel he pause. He could imagine her right now, looking up at the ceiling with a scowl on her pretty face. He heard her sigh dramatically, confirming his thoughts as to what she was doing. A timid knock followed at then she entered the room.

Her eyes narrowed into slits at the sight of him. "I don't understand why I'm not allowed to go upstairs. Alice is allowed up there. And I can't stand not helping with everything. I just want to offer him tea…"

He looked at her disappointed face, smiling slightly. There was the woman he loved - always wanting to help whenever and wherever she could. She stood at the bottom of the bed, her arms folded, with her best annoyed face in place. His eyes flitted over her, from her shiny, just-washed hair gently curling to her stripy shade of blue polo shirt and her skinny jeans, ending at her bare feet. Even when she was casual she was more beautiful to him than ever. He sat up slightly, watching as Bella's eyes sprang in alarm at his actions. Ever since that doctor's appointment she had been extra alerted to every moment he made. He simply rolled his eyes at her, before sitting back against his plumped up pillows and opening her arms to let her join him.

She let her shoulders slump and her angry façade fall, before crawling from the bottom of the bed into his arms. He wrapped them gently around her frame, letting her head rest on his chest. "I've told you, love, it's dangerous. You'd be a hazard up there - you know how clumsy you are."

She sighed again. "I'm well aware of that, Edward, I've lived with it all my life. I'm just… I'm itching to do something, to help in some way."

He chuckled. "It's not like Alice is going up there and working. That's why we brought someone in. She's the one taking up the tea and whatnot.' He looked down at her, watching as she rolled her eyes - he couldn't help another laugh escaping, which made her scowl more. 'Plus,' he reasoned, 'Laurent said that he'd be finished by today. Only a few more hours and you'll be able to go up there to your hearts content."

She shook her head. "I guess." She raised her head from his chest, looking right into his eyes. He held her gaze, letting the love he saw present in her eyes - for him - wash over his body and sooth the aches and pains he was experiencing away. She cocked her head gently to the side. "How are you feeling now, anyways? Still sore."

It was his turn to shrug; she groaned in response. She never did like it when he didn't give definite answers. "Love, I'm always sore. There are some days that are better than others. Days when I feel like, given the chance I might be able to climb Mount Everest. However, today is not one of them.' He looked down, regretfully. 'I'm sorry."

She smacked his chest lightly, making sure that she didn't increase his pain. "You have absolutely nothing to apologise for. You're ill, and that can't be helped. It just so happened that you were more ill on the day that we were supposed to have dinner with my parents."

He smiled slightly. "If I did feel better, you know I'd come with you. And anyway, I doubt it'll be that bad. What could possibly happen?"

She sat up from his position, settling still near Edward but sitting cross-legged. Her hand fell into her lap, where he fingers began to knot. "Oh, I don't know,' She began sarcastically. 'Uh, they could act all mushy and couple-y around me. They could talk about Alice and Jasper getting married which would only bring up the question of why we aren't getting married. And then there's the fact that Emmett proposed that record deal…"

He brought her tangled fingers into his hands, separating each of them separately. "Okay, so some things could come up. For one, you can't deny them the opportunity to act like that. They are officially a couple now, and that's what couples do. That's what we do, I suppose. We just never see it; we're too involved. Secondly, the subject of the record deal will only come up if you broach it - they know nothing about it, as far as I'm aware of. And as for the marriage thing, they're going to have to find out at some point about my condition.' He looked up at her, holding her gaze. 'Whether you'd prefer that we did that together, or that you told them on your own, is up to you."

She shoulders slumped. "So many decisions." She mumbled, the confusion on her face apparent.

He brought one hand up to his lips and kissed each knuckle, making the confusion on her face melt away and a small smile grace her own lips. Her eyes shone with love. "Let today take it's course. If things come up, or you decide to bring them up, then whatever happens, happens."

----

I slipped my arms into the new coat that Alice had bought me for Christmas. It was red - a colour that was usually far more out there than I normally wore - but Alice had promised me it looked good, and I felt good wearing it. It fell to mid thigh, with long arms, fitted slightly at the waist with a belt, and black buttons going from top to bottom, also decorating the pockets and the cuffs. In short, it looked beautiful. I grabbed my bag, hauling it onto my shoulder before walking into the kitchen.

Alice was sitting at the table, a steaming cup of coffee resting in one hand while the other flicked through a wedding magazine. All of eight that she had were spread around the table, a different dress or decoration catching my eye at every moment. She was so engrossed in the pictures that she failed to hear me come in and I stood just behind to the left of her, looking over the magazine images too. Her fingers drifted over a dress; by far the most beautiful one she had looked at, and she sighed longingly.

"That's definitely the nicest dress so far, Alice." I announced, my voice ringing against the tiled walls of the kitchen.

She didn't even flinch as my voice projected - it was as if she'd known all along I was there. Her eyes stayed fixed to the dress, her fingers caressing the page still. "It's astounding, isn't it. If only Gucci wedding dresses were more available. And in my budget." She finished with a small pout gracing her lips.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Alice. You've gotta remember that this is a once in a lifetime thing. Jasper is the only man you'll ever marry, and this is your only wedding day. If you can't splash out on a dress for your wedding day, when can you?" I reasoned.

She smiled excitedly. "You're absolutely right, Bella. Where's the nearest Gucci store?!" She squealed with excitement. I could just imagine the moment when she tells an oblivious Jasper that she was spending thousands on a dress.

"Just outside of Seattle. It's nestled away; not many people know about it." Laurent's voice rang out from the doorway, making both Alice and I jump. He stood, a packet of screw drivers in his hand, with one arm resting on the counter. It reminded me of a furniture ad; the one's you laugh at because they are so cheesy.

Alice smiled at him. She clapped her hands. "Laurent! You're a life saver, seriously. Do you know the address of this place?"

He shrugged, coming more into the kitchen. "I wish I did. I did at some point, but then my fiancé dropped the bomb that she'd actually been already married the entire time.' His eyes lingered on me. 'Leaving me, a single man." I shivered in disgust under his gaze. Suddenly I thanked God for giving me my clumsiness. I didn't want to imagine what he'd imply if I was up there with him.

I patted Alice on the back, signalling that I was leaving. "Well, Alice, I wish I could stay and chat but my parent's are waiting for me. Take care of Edward while I'm away."

She rolled her eyes. "I always do. And give your parent's my love."

"Of course." I replied hurriedly, desperate to get away from Laurent and his leering gaze. I waved goodbye to Alice and left, closing the door behind me. I jumped into Edward's car, which I was borrowing, and drove away.

---

I parked the car in the driveway of my father's house. Every time I came to this place I felt a sense of coming home. I'd spent all of my childhood here - it made sense. Then, as I opened the door of the car, the front door of the house swung open revealing my mother, looking as young and in love as could be. It was picture perfect, in a world where things did go wrong. And in a way, it made it seem even more homely. I was getting used to it; my mother practically lived with my father now.

I stepped out, adjusting the belt of my jacket as I bumped the car door with my hip to make it close. I walked feeling the gravel crunch under my feet with every step and slipped quickly into my mother's warm embrace. She squeezed me tightly, making me forget all my worries and the fact that it was freezing outside. She brought me out of the cold, closing the door behind her.

I turned into the living room, and a sudden laugh escaped me. "Jeez Mum, don't you think it's time you turned off the Christmas tree and packed it away?! It's like, what… three weeks since Christmas."

She shrugged, laughing with me. "Well, you know how I am, I never go by the book. Plus, it brightens up this room. We're going to have to get a lick of paint on these walls, Charlie…" She trailed off into her own world as she did from time to time, either talking to herself or talking to others (things that she would eventually tell them). I shook my head, still giggling at the ridiculous-ness of the situation. I quickly shrugged out of my jacket and shoes, throwing my coat on the back of the chair and leaving my shoes beside the blow-up Santa. That thing had to be the same age as me!

I walked through the living room, entering into the small excuse of a kitchen. I smelt the famous Swan lasagne from a mile away, and my stomach must have smelt it too. It rumbled loudly, alerting my father to my presence. He chuckled, opening his arms wide for me to step into. "Bells, good to see you again. How're you doing?"

I stepped back, shrugging. "I'm alright, Dad. So, so. Getting along just fine.' I looked him up and down, noticing the healthy bulge in his stomach, and the fresh look to his skin. I winked at him, "But you, Dad, you're looking good. Mum must have you fed well!"

He looked down, blushing. Another Swan trait. "You could say that, kid." He stretched over the small table to grasp Renee's hand; she was looking over at the exchange fondly. He kissed her hand gently, transporting me back to this morning when Edward had given me the exact same sentiment. Now I thought about it, the likeness's did come through. Both men loved their woman wholeheartedly, and protected them as much as they could.

As if my father could read my mind, he asked, "Where's Edward? I thought he was coming with you today. We even set the table for four, and that's a squeeze, you know."

I looked down. "Uh, Edward wasn't feeling too good today. So he's skipping this one out. He sends his apologises, and love, of course. So does Alice, by the way."

Renee gushed. "Oh, how is she? Is she planning the wedding already? Oh, it'll be so beautiful - she has such taste! Has she picked her dress? I can just see her in white, walking down the aisle to Jasper. And the proposal, that's one to remember. Oh, it's just---"

"Renee. How's that dinner coming on, huh?" Charlie asked, eying her and shaking his head at her over eager nature. He sat himself back down at the table and I took a seat next to him.

I played with my fork, setting it up straight against the table mat. "I'll take back your best wishes for the happy couple, Mum, as well as telling Alice that you're more than willing to help her with the preparations, will I?" I cocked my head to the side.

She bent her head, blushing. When she looked back up she smiled widely. "I'd love that. I've never helped prepare a wedding before.' She dished out the rest of the food and set it down in front of us. Charlie got out a bottle of wine and poured our glasses, all the while Renee continued to look at me slyly. She cleared her throat. 'Of course, it'll give me practice for planning your wedding, too."

I froze. I could feel my heart breaking with every silent moment that went by after she'd uttered the words. She had no clue how she'd affected me, but I was sure my shocked, paling face was good enough to tell her. I placed the wine glass back down, willing myself to keep it together. I took my cutlery back into my hands, pushing my food around my plate. "I don't think you'll be doing that any time soon, Mum."

An unsettling mood came over us, and I hated to have been the one who caused it. Why couldn't I have just laughed it off and said something that would make her comments stop? That would have made it easier, but possibly harder in the end. I looked up to find my mother looking at me, quite shocked and confused. "Oh, I… I just assumed. You and Edward, uh… it just looked like that would be the obvious option."

Charlie, who had been awfully quiet throughout the conversation, turned to me. "Does Edward not approve of marriage? Have you broken up with him? Has he hurt you? Is that why he didn't come today?!"

I held my hands up in protest. "God! No! I haven't broken up with him; we are both very much in love. And Edward not liking marriage? That's probably the most insane comment I've ever heard. Edward is all for marriage, but circumstances change and… it won't be possible."

Renee placed her cutlery back on her plate, her food forgotten. "What are you not telling us, Bella? What circumstances have changed? If you're both in love and Edward wants to get married… I just don't see the problem."

Charlie reached over to take Renee's hand. Then he turned back to me. "Is it you that doesn't like the idea of marriage? Is that possibly because of us, and the divorce we went through when you were younger? If it is, I'm sorry we did that. But look at us now; things can work out for the better."

I shook my head; I was no longer in the mood for food. "You've got it completely wrong. This has nothing to do with what happened between you both years ago. It had nothing to do with me not wanting to get married - believe me, I've imagined my whole future with Edward and in my heart I want it more than anything in my life. But things have changed for us both. Things that nobody could prevent. And I've had to make some sacrifices.' I looked down, pressing my eyes together tightly. 'Edward has been diagnosed with heart cancer. It is the rarest form of cancer you can get, and it isn't easy to treat. Unfortunately for Edward the disease has taken over too much of his body. Any cures will no longer work."

Renee's shaky hand rose to her lips. She trembled. "So you're saying…"

I felt a lone tear run down my cheek, as it did every time I admitted this to myself, or told someone else. "Edward only had a year to live."

I felt my father place his hand on my back and rub soothing circles. We'd never been ones for showing too much emotion, but in this moment all I needed, all I wanted, was to be held by my father like he did all those times before in my life. The time when I fell off my bike. The time when my pet goldfish died. I turned to his and pressed my body into his, feeling my tears soak into his shirt and his arms come around me, slightly awkwardly; we hadn't done this in years. I wanted him to assure me that things would work out perfectly, and everything would be okay. But they won't. This just makes me cry harder.

My mother comes around and joins our hug, telling me little things in my ear, desperately hoping to take my pain away like only a mother can. But I'm a grown up now, and I have to learn to cope with things like this on my own. I lift myself from my father, situate myself back on the chair, and wipe my hands over my face. I sigh, composing myself as well as I can, and I open my eyes. Everything is as it was before I broke down. "It's over. I'm okay now."

The dinner continues, almost as if it never happened. We only speak for a little while on the subject - I can tell they are worried that I'll break down again. But I manage to get through it okay. I tell them of the record deal I turned down so I could stay with Edward, and they take it surprisingly well - they only hope that somehow I'll get a similar chance some day. They ask more about Edward's condition and I tell them the best I can.

By the time I leave I'm physically drained and I can't wait to fall into bed, crawl under the sheets, and float into dreamland beside the man I love.

---

When I pull the car into the driveway I can feel something is different in the air. The night air nips at any exposed skin and the dark sky envelopes me, dragging me deeper. I shut the car door and look up at the house. All lights are off and I find this weird - it's only after nine and night. I hug my coat tighter to my body and walk the few steps until I am at the door. Just as I am about to lift my hand to open it, it swings open, revealing Edward in all his glory. I smile sleepily and fall into his body, taking his warmth and love from his embrace.

He holds me, kissing my head, before whispering. "I've got something you show you." His sing song voice tells me he is taking great pleasure in knowing something that I don't. I've never been a huge fan of surprises…

Which is while I groan. "What is it?" I ask, still quite curious.

He rolls his thumb across my pouting lips and chuckles. "Smile. It's a good surprise. You're going to love it, and then kill me because you'll think it's too expensive."

I give him the thumbs up as I shrug out of my jacket for the last time that night. "Just my kind of surprise then, isn't it?"

He laughs, pecking my lips once before taking my hand and leading me up the stairs. Our pace is slow, but not a snail's pace. It is leisurely. Inside I am jumping around, waiting to know already what awaits me.

We finally get to the third floor and I see Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett holding candles. They smile at me reassuringly, enough to make me smile back in my curious and sleep state. We stand in front of them, and then all move to the sides of the door. In the candlelight I can see a piece of red ribbon tied from each side of the door, holding together in a bow in the middle.

Emmett steps forward. He holds out a pair of scissors. "Would you like to go inside, Bella?"

I take them, looking up at him suspiciously. Slowly I inch forward, feeling Edward's heat at my back. I take the scissors and feel them slice through the ribbon, making it fall at the sides. I raise my hand and push the door open.

I feel Edward at my ear, watching my nonchalant expression change to one of shock and awe.

"Welcome to your very own recording studio."

**A/N; This chapter gave me hell. I just lost all inspiration for this chapter, so I apologise. I really wanted this chapter to have the 'oomph' factor, and you can decide yourself if it does. This chapter is later than normal because, hey, it's summer, and I don't sit around on the computer all day… too much. And I think it's getting harder to write because I feel the end approaching.**

**CHAPTER COUNT DOWN: 6 chapters to go.**

**Thanks for all the encouraging reviews. Please readers, can I have some more? (:**

**-xlovestory.**

**PS! Sorry for the numerous (no doubt) spelling errors. I will, at some point, fix them all. :D**


	46. Forty Five

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Forty-Five.**

_**5 months later.**_

Emmett reached over from the couch to the small coffee table, grabbing a pretzel and stuffing it in his mouth, his foot tapping to the rhythm of Bella's tune. The notepad on his knee - which he never left the house without nowadays - bounced to the beat playing through the speakers. Bella's beautiful, soulful voice floated in and out to the melody, creating a piece of music that would touch millions of people, he was sure. The song drew to a close, and he felt Bella's eyes on him once more.

He looked at her, a cheeky grin resting against his lips. He felt a tingle run down his spine - the true sign, in his eyes, of a piece of music which can really connect with you. He nodded enthusiastically. Bella sighed in relief, and he could see her visibly relax again. When he looked at her he saw a woman who had real dreams - dreams that, given the help, weren't that hard to reach. He saw that her music meant more to her than just the pay check that would come from the record sales - it was close to her heart, every melody she created, every word that she sang. He felt humbled when she had asked him to become her manager; her agent, so to speak. He recalled her mentioning that he was the only person in this business that she'd thought she could really trust. He's snapped his fingers right away. Working with Bella was a joy - she was becoming his best client, and one of his best friends.

Her finger stuck in her mouth, her teeth gnawing at a nail. She was still nervous of everyone's reaction to her music. No amount of months was going to make that change. The other hand ran through her hair. "So… what do you think?" Her voice was edgy, nervous.

He rolled his eyes at her nervous attitude. She didn't have anything to worry about. She wouldn't have been given this deal - and this much free reign on her first album - if the company didn't trust her. Aro was hard-headed, and had a sharp mind. He knew what he was doing - that was why he was the most successful music producer in America. He knew she had the talent, all his colleagues knew she had the talent, and Emmett knew she had the talent. He was still convincing Bella. "It's another winner. You're going to have a hard time picking the tracks for the album and placing them in order." He joked.

She looked down shyly, an innocent blush spreading over her cheeks. "Yeah, uh… I've actually already sorted that out. I've already made a list."

He looked at her for a second, watching her eyes twinkle in excitement. That was another thing he liked about working with her. Unconsciously, she always knew the next step. And she worked hard; as hard as anyone could.

He rubbed his hands together, winking at her. She giggled. "Let's see it then, Bells." Emmett announced and watched as she shuffled from the confines of her chair and moved around the comfortable and homey music studio. She rummaged around on her desk for a few seconds before finally coming back to her seat, grasping a piece of paper.

She smiled. "This is it."

He reached out and grabbed the piece of paper, eager to see what she had come up with. As he scanned the list he nodded his head, acknowledging that she was making good decisions. He pointed to number five, "I think you should switch five with nine. Nine has such a powerful beat I think it'd be better to put it between two ballads."

She nodded, scrunching her nose. "I was thinking that too, I just really wanted your input before I changed anything.' She grinned, pointing at him. 'See? This is why I hired you."

He gasped dramatically. "What? You didn't hire me for my extraordinary good looks or great sense of humour?!"

She shoved his shoulder, making him laugh. "Shut it, you big doof. You know I appreciate how you've helped me. I feel more comfortable with you; I thank God every day I didn't have to work with Demetri.' She shivered. 'When he looks at me… I feel shivers. And not the good kind."

He chuckled. "I get what you mean. There's something… a little off about him.' He shook his head, getting back on track. 'But this list should be just fine. I'll take this to next week's meeting, and then your CD's will soon be in stores world wide." He finished with a grin.

Bella clapped her hands excitedly, in an Alice-like gesture. She grinned. "That'll be the most exciting day of my life.' She shook her head in amazement. 'Sometimes I stop and think 'is this really happening to me' then I realise it is. It's really overwhelming."

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! I will not ask you again! Come downstairs for your last dress fitting!" Alice's annoyed shriek could be heard from all over the house, and even the sound proof walls they had installed in the studio could not prevent Alice's voice from floating and attacking their ears. Emmett looked at Bella, who rolled her eyes at the sound, choosing not to reply. It had been like this for the last half hour. Alice would call upstairs and Bella would make no move to come down. She was too involved with the meeting and her music to move. He wouldn't have wanted to be on the forefront of Alice's rage; the stress had been mounting, and the wedding was tomorrow.

Emmett sighed, slipping the piece of paper into his folder and picked up his coat, tucking it over his arm. "Well, it's been nice doing business with you, but I really think you should go now. There are only so many times she'll shout before she comes up here and hauls you out herself."

Bella's shoulders sagged. "I suppose you're right. That wouldn't be pleasant.' Her lips lifted into a smile. 'I guess I'll see you tomorrow, at the wedding."

"I wouldn't miss it. For two reasons, actually. One, Alice would kill me and I'd rather stay alive. And two, Rosie in a bridesmaid dress, showing off some of that gorgeous body - who wouldn't wanna be there!"

Bella rubbed her forehead with one hand. "To much information, Emmett."

Emmett rolled his eyes this time. He sidestepped Bella, who's feet remained stuck to the floor, and waved goodbye, taking the stairs two at a time.

---

I stood in my studio, Emmett's goodbye telling me it was time to face the music. I'd been putting off this dress fitting for the last couple of days, and Alice had been gnawing my ear off about it for hours now. I'd rather not go through that torture again - once was enough in my opinion. If I had known how hyper Alice would have got the last time, I'd rather hide away in a cupboard and only come out tomorrow to walk down the aisle.

Besides, the last few days I had been holed up in my studio putting the finishing touches to my songs. Edward had even offered to accompany me on some tracks and I knew I'd always remember him every time I listened to them. At first I had been scared and uncomfortable. The various meetings I had had with Aro and his company had gone fine, basically because I had had Emmett by my side. Without him I really would be lost in this new world I lived in. He had been a saint, answering all my weird irrelevant questions and helping me. The whole family had helped me, from my parent's to my friends. I was glad they were all so supportive.

I ran a hand through my hair, walking with small steps to the door. I really didn't want to do this dress fitting. I knew that Alice had to do it - heaven forbid that I had put on a pound - but she had been so stressed the last few days, I was actually considering hitting her. She needed to snap out of it and enjoy the experience. Let the day run it's course. With all the planning I was sure everything would go smoothly anyway.

I opened the door, walking out into the hallway and locking the door to my studio. It wasn't like I had anything to hide, I just preferred to have this space as a place only I could get into. I slipped the key into my pocket and made my way downstairs. My mind was swimming with melodies, notes, wedding worries and Edward that I almost didn't see Jasper coming up the stairs. It seemed that his mind was somewhere else too, because we bumped, literally, into each other.

He snapped out of his daze as he saw my fall backwards, his arms quickly snapping out and around me before I could collapse and do myself an injury. He helped me up so I was standing again. "Jeez, Bella. I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."

I laughed, shaking it off. "Don't worry about it. No harm done."

He crunched his eyebrows together, shaking his head again. "Yeah, um… sure. Sorry, again."

He looked deathly pale, like he hadn't slept in nights. The blackness below his eyes was a dead give away. When I really thought about it, he was becoming ever more distant. I don't think I'd seen him with that twinkle in his eyes - the proper smile he's always given - in days. I touched his arm, and he flinched backwards at the contact. I looked him in the eye. "Are you okay, Jasper?"

He ran a hand through his hair, giving me a tight smile. He shrugged off my hand just slightly, and continued walking up the stairs as if nothing had happened. "Sure, sure. I'm fine. I just… need the bathroom."

I looked at him quizzically, while his eyes silently pleaded not to push. I shrugged, telling him silently that I wouldn't. Even though my curious mind was running on overdrive I shook it off once again like it was nothing. "Well, hurry back down to the living room soon. I've got my last fitting - you'll wanna see me and Rose in our dresses, won't you?"

He smiled again, but it didn't touch his eyes. This worried me more. "Of course. Just give me a second."

I laughed, trying to make light of the conversation. "I get it; you're marrying a magical pixie tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure it'll take longer than a second to get my kitted out.' I looked at him meaningfully. 'Take your time. I'll see you down there."

I eventually made it down to Alice's room, my thoughts now crowded with worries of how Jasper was reacting. He seemed in his own world, oblivious to everything going on around him. His frowns had become more frequent, and I hoped that he wasn't having second thoughts. Alice pranced around me and Rose, fixing our dresses and living out her dream of being a designer for a day. She stuck needles and punched my body into place, but none of it mattered in that moment. My worries consumed me.

Unfortunately, Alice could see through everyone. "What's wrong, Bella? You see completely out of it."

I shook my head, searching for an excuse. I couldn't tell Alice the truth - it would only upset her and get her even more stressed towards tomorrow. I shrugged, and Alice tutted as my movement made the strap of my dress slip. "Nothing. Work's just got me stressed, and I guess I'm a little nervous about tomorrow. Those heels are a hazard and I'm already off balance." I laughed lightly.

Maybe it was the fact that her mind wasn't focussed solely on me, or that she was determined to make a lose thread sit straight, but she bought my lie. Without missing a beat or giving me a suspicious glance, she replied, "Really Bella. You'll be fine. If anyone should be worried about tomorrow, it's me. I'm the one that's getting married!' She shook her head. 'With all the preparations, I don't think it's really set in yet."

Rose laughed. "Believe me, it'll settle in tomorrow. When you stand in front of those doors and you hear you're cue you'll either faint of try and run in the other direction."

We all laughed, and Alice turned to glare playfully at Rosalie. "I've waited my whole life for this day; I've waited my whole life for Jasper. There is no way I'm running.' She giggled. 'Hopefully Jasper won't either."

I hid my grimace incredibly well.

Twenty minutes later and I was walking down the stairs to let Jasper see my dress. I let my thoughts - which I hoped were wrong - float reluctantly to the back of my mind, and focused of trying to get down the stairs in these shoes alive. Alice held the back of my dress while I walked down, giggling the entire way. When we reached the bottom, and Jasper was in sight she ran to him, leaving me to deal with the dress myself. Needless to say, it took longer than if she had helped me to get me in front of Jasper.

I looked up at him, and if anything was wrong, he masked it perfectly. His arms were wrapped around Alice's frame like they were made to be placed there. Only the small smile on his lips gave him slightly away. Where was that toothy grin I loved? His eyes refused to reach mine, instead looking at the dress, then turning to Alice. "She looks beautiful, my love."

She clapped her hands together, turning to look at me. "I told you. I told you, you looked incredible." She ran up the stairs, only stopping at the bottom to call back and say, 'Wait until you see Rose. You'll be blown away, Jas."

"I'm sure I will." He replied meekly.

I walked towards him, my hands on my hips. "Alright, Jasper. Tell me what's bothering you."

He looked up at me, his eyes guarded. I'd known him all my life and he'd never kept things from me before. You could always count of Jasper for the truth. Unfortunately, when it came to him, it was a different story. He sank into the couch, grabbing the cup of coffee on the coffee table to keep his hands occupied. "I've no idea what you're talking about. I'm fine." I didn't miss the hard edge his voice had.

I grabbed the bunches of material at my waist and hoisted it up as I walked over to the couch and sank down into the leather. I touched his arm. "Jasper, we both know you're keeping something from me. I'm your best friend. If you can't tell me, who can you tell."

He turned and grinned slightly. "Soon, my wife." He turned his gaze back to the wall, and he gulped, as if the prospect of Alice becoming Mrs Whitlock scared him. "I'm fine, really Bella. If I am acting a little strange it's only because I'm nervous about tomorrow.' He looked down and I felt his walls begin to break. 'It's a big step in a relationship…"

I leant my head into his shoulder, and sighed. "You've got that right. But tomorrow will go fine. And when you think back on today, after tomorrow, you'll wonder why you ever worried so much."

He nodded. "You're probably right."

I hoped I was.

---

Edward stared at himself in the mirror. He found he could hardly recognise himself. He was half the man he used to be. The illness had really taken its toll on him, with his hair thinning out to the muscle vanishing. The could see bones he wished and knew he couldn't before. His eyes were losing the sparkle that Bella had once loved. It was as if he was disappearing, fading away. But each day he rose again; each day he found he could open his eyes, and live somewhat like normal. Sure, his legs were now too weak to move all day, and his heart gave a tug with every beat, but he was still living on, and experiencing things. He was thankful for that.

The last five months had given him time to enjoy the things he wanted too before he went. He knew his time was coming to an end and he found himself doing more things, seeing things through new eyes and loving with a new freshness, as if it was the last time he would ever do said thing. The gradual milestones he had set were being reached - one, for example, being that he saw Bella create music, or that he saw his sister happily married. The latter was happening today.

As he sat here in his tux, trimmed neatly to his newly thinned body, he thought over his speech in his mind. He had spent hours upon hours writing, trying to find the words to express everything he was feeling. He'd shared his confusion with Bella a number of times, and every time she would tell him that whatever he said both Alice and Jasper would hold it close to their hearts, as a reminder of him. He hoped that the words did his feelings justice. Give him a piece of manuscript paper and he could compose something that could potentially inspire and connect with a person. A sheet of writing paper, however, was a different story.

The sound of the door creaking open brought him from his thoughts. He turned slightly, his hands on the wheels of his chair - he winced at the blisters he was getting from pushing this thing. His eyes caught those of Bella, who was staring at him with all sorts of emotions in her eyes. Most of all, love. She smiled, "Well, well, well. Don't you look gorgeous."

He shook his head, ducking it down. "Shut up. I look stupid."

She walked towards him, her fluffy slippers crossing the carpet. She touched his shoulders, using just the right amount of pressure to make the tingles in his stomach build. She leant into his ear, pressing a kiss just below, and he could feel her lips curve into a smile at the shiver her action produced. "You look ravishing, Edward. If I'd known you looked that way in a tux beforehand, I would have pushed Jasper and Alice into marriage!"

He chuckled, reaching around and walking her to the front of him, his hands on her hips. He looked up at her in disbelief. "Alice is getting married today."

She knelt down to his level, her hands on his knees. "Yes, she is."

"She's my baby sister, and she's getting married before me." He tried not to sound jealous, but it was hard. They - Alice and Jasper - were living out everything he had wanted for him and Bella.

She went forward and kissing his lips gently. "I know she is. And I know it's tough seeing her do everything you wanted to do,' He shook his head; she always knew what he was thinking. 'but we're happy for them both, aren't we? So let's just enjoy today."

He nodded, smiling slightly. "Of course. When are we going?"

She giggled, walking behind him and grabbing the handles of his wheelchair. "Right now, Mister." she whispered in his ear.

He sat back and watched the house go by him as he was wheeled away. When they got to the stairs, he lifted himself out of the chair, trying not to moan at the pain it caused him - he would have to walk down the aisle later, and that would be much harder, even with the practices he'd had this past month. Rose waved from the bottom of the stairs, and he watched Bella take the wheelchair down to the bottom, giving it to Rose, and then come back to him to help him down the stairs. Five minutes later Rose had him situated back in the wheelchair. He looked at both the women, and then back at himself. "Am I the only one going to a wedding today? Why aren't you both all dressed up?"

Rose laughed, patting his shoulder gently. "We're getting changed there. Alice is already there because she takes much longer to get into her dress, but when we get there it'll only take a few minutes." she explained.

Bella groaned. "Easy for you to say. It takes me hours to fit into that thing."

"But it'll be worth it. Even if only to see Edward's face when he sees you in it." Rose giggled, while Bella blushed, shoving her elbow into Rose's side. Rose squeaked in protest.

Fifteen minutes later they were all in the car, Bella and Rose at opposite sides with Edward in the middle. Soon enough they were at the church and after struggling to get him back into the chair he was whisked away from the girls and into the boys room. He pushed the door open with a shove and wheeled himself in quickly before it could slam in his face.

He was met with a flustered Emmett. "What's wrong?"

Emmett turned to him, his face pale white. "I can't find Jasper."

---

I sucked in all my breath as Rose hoisted the dress's zip up and down, begging it to fasten. Eventually, it went all the way up and I was able to let out my breath. I felt like I was wearing a corset, but I kind of was. The dress was breath-taking, and Alice knew style well. I came out of the bathroom, hand in hand with Rose, and my mother started tearing up. "Bella, you look beautiful."

I blushed, "Mum, don't. Besides, once you see Alice you really will be blown away."

As if that was her cue Alice stepped out of the bathroom, her hair and make-up flawless, looking like a princess in her dress. I released a shaky breath when she looked at me. "Alice you look… amazing. Beyond words."

She giggled. "Thank you.' Then she clapped her hands excitedly. 'I can't wait to get married today!" All the women in the room exclaimed excitedly. Practically every women coming to the wedding was in this room, and it was starting to feel suffocating. I checked my watch, noticing that there was another half hour before it started.

I went up to Alice, wrapping my arms around her. "You look beautiful. I'll be back in a second - I'm just going to check on the boys."

I quickly escaped from the room, taking in the fresh air as I walked. I knocked on the door, not knowing if Emmett and Jasper were dressed yet. The door swung open a millisecond later, and a scared looking Emmett flew into my face. I stepped back. "Whoa, Emmett. Watch it!" I exclaimed.

Then I noticed his face - he looked terrible, and frightened. I looked at Edward from the door, and he was looking frantic. I couldn't help but feel the panic set in. I hugged my stomach, trying to battle the nerves. "What's wrong?! What's happened?"

Edward looked down, fiddling with his fingers. "Jasper's not here."

I felt the panic in my body build and the bile in my throat rise. He was confirming my worst fears from yesterday - the ones that had haunted my mind all day and night. I shook my head, refusing to believe. "What do you mean Jasper's not here?! Of course he is! He'll be around here somewhere."

Emmett shrugged his shoulders. "He's been in this room but when I came back from the bathroom he was gone. I've looked everywhere. I don't know where he is."

I ran a hand over my forehead. "Okay - don't panic. I know Jasper, he'll just be confused so he won't have gone far in case he changes his mind.' I went to run backwards to find him, then stopped and turned. 'Wait in here, don't move, don't act suspicious and if any word of this comes back to Alice I'll be holding both of you responsible. She doesn't hear a word, okay?"

They both nodded, looking slightly scared of me. I didn't have time to worry about that; I grasped the material of my dress into my hand, bunching it up as I broke into a run. I had no idea where to look but my instincts told me that inside was no use. He would have gone outside to get some fresh air. I ran past the room where all the women were getting ready, careful not to make too much noise, before I went down the stairs and burst out of the door. I could feel the sweat on my brow and I begged that no questions would be asked by Alice - if I did find Jasper that was. I shook those thoughts out of my head. I would find him, I would talk some sense into him, and then the wedding would go on.

I looked around me, scanning the area for a black suit. I felt like I was standing at a cross roads, my life depending on which road I chose. I could go left or right. I stood in the middle, closed my eyes, spun in a circle, then stopped. I headed to the left.

I broke out into a run again, the adrenaline running through me. I just kept running and running, unable to stop for fear of what would happen if I did. My mind was hazy, my vision was hazy, but I continued. I had finally given up. I was heading for trees.

Then I burst through the foliage, and caught sight of a black suit. Caught ya!

I was panting by the time I reached him, and I braced my hands on my knees to catch my breath. He still hadn't turned to me, even with me standing next to him. He chucked stone after stone into the water. He didn't speak, hardly moved, except for the throwing action.

Finally I had had enough. "For God's sake, Jasper! What the hell are you doing?!"

He turned to me, eyes rimmed red and looking deathly pale. I instantly regretted shouting at him. He looked so worn out, so done with everything. Like he had given up.

He shook his head and when he spoke, he voice was dead, hoarse.

"I can't do it; I can't get married."

**A/N; Don't you just love a good ending to a chapter? (:**

**This is earlier than expected, correct? The reason is, I'm going on holiday on Thursday, and I wanted to get as many chapters out as possible before I go. There's this one, and hopefully another, out on Wednesday (hopefully!) before I leave on Thursday.**

**I know I keep leaving you on the edge, but stay with me! Not too long to go now…**

**CHAPTER COUNT DOWN: 5 chapters to go.**

**Actually, it could be five, or four. We'll see.**

**But for this chapter, I'd love it if you reviewed!**

**-xlovestory.**


	47. Forty Six

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Forty-Six.**

His thoughts were jumbled. He felt as if he was having a melt-down. Everything was a mess, and even though he knew he was the one that was making the mess, he couldn't find the strength in himself to clear it up. He'd known he'd had to get away from the church - it was just too 'real' for him to be there. He'd stood at the cross roads he had come to, picked left and just continued walking. He didn't think where his feet were leading him. They could have taken him through a lake and he wouldn't have noticed. He was too busy trying to make sense of all that he was feeling.

Eventually he had ended up in this clearing, and even though his thoughts were all up in the air, he could still appreciate the beauty of the place. It was a small meadow, untouched by human activity. The light shone through the trees, making the grass and greenery sparkle. It was truly magnificent. He simply stood beside the small pond he'd come across and picked up pebbles, rolling them through his fingers.

Then he's heard it, the rush and pant of breath. The rustling of leaves coming nearer. Then he felt the eyes peering into his back, staring hard in what he could only assume was a glare. Someone had realised he was missing, and by the sounds of it the wedding hadn't begun. They'd found him and he found himself even more lost than when he'd first started to work out the tangles in his thoughts. The person inched nearer, their breathing slowly evening out. From the corner of his eye he saw brown curls wave in the slight breeze surrounding them and he felt relief - if anyone was able to help him and talk some sense, it would be Bella.

But he didn't know where to start. His arm moved and he threw yet another stone into the pond, watching the water ripple as if sunk to the bottom.

Bella, however, wanted to know _now_. "For God's sake, Jasper! What the hell are you doing?!"

He looked down, unsure of what he should say, do or think. He turned to look at her and watched as her own face paled at the sight of him. He was well aware of how bad he looked; his sleep pattern was a mess, he hadn't eaten properly unless he was with someone else - which had been less and less likely going up to the wedding with all the plans being sorted. He felt emotionally ill, and he knew he would only be fixed if he had some sense put into him. But right now, that was the last thing on his mind.

"I can't do it; I can't get married." He said, and he knew there was no emotion in his voice.

Bella looked at him as if he'd grown another head. Her cheeks were rosy red from her exertion, and her hair was so out of place Alice would probably have a fit. But in that moment she didn't seem to care how the bun was falling from her hair, her mascara was smudged, and how her dress was crumpled. She simply stood there, trying to take in what he had just said. She drew back. "What do you mean you 'can't get married'? Are you… are you freaking kidding me?!" She all but yelled. The sound bounced off the trees and echoed slightly. He flinched.

He searched her eyes, trying to find some understanding for how he felt - he found none. Truth be told, he wasn't all that surprised, but he had hoped. He turned back to the water. "I can't go in there and say 'I do'. I just… can't. It's like a mental blockage."

"Well, unblock yourself and get going." She whispered exasperatedly.

He sank down to his knees, ignoring her. "I'm sorry Bella. I just… over the last few weeks I haven't been feeling that… tingle. The tingle you get when you know that your wedding day is going to be the best in your life. And all these other thoughts have been crawling around. Until I get them sorted out, I just can't force myself to walk up that aisle."

From the corner of his eye he saw her shake her head. "You know what I'm hearing, Jasper. I'm hearing 'me, me, me'. I can't do this, I can't do that, I won't… it's all about you. Have you even stopped to think about Alice? You remember, the woman you supposedly love and care for, the woman who is waiting inside that church?!" Her tone was full of nasty sarcasm. It cut right into him. How could she even think for one moment that he didn't consider Alice?

He turned to her, now on his knees and looked up at her, ignoring the sun's blaze which settled right into his eyes. "How can you even think that? Or course I've thought of Alice. I've thought of what I'm doing to her and god, it kills me. I told her I wouldn't hurt her - I promised - and now I'm preparing to do exactly what I said I wouldn't."

She ran her hands through her hair, it now falling at the sides of her face in ringlets. She was annoyed at Jasper - that was plain to see. "I fail to see what the problem is, Jasper! You've just admitted that you love Alice, that you promised you wouldn't hurt her and that it'll 'kill' you to do so! Why are you still planning if it'll hurt you so much. I don't see why you don't just grow some balls, get out there and get hitched!"

He felt like screaming. Why didn't anyone understand him? "Because it's a big decision, god damn it! I thought about it for a month before I even popped the question. In the beginning I thought maybe I'd have a little bit more time. I didn't think Alice would want to get married in just five months. There were so many things I wanted to do before I got married - so many things. And now I'm just plain unsure. It's difficult, Bella, deciding that you are going to attach yourself to one person for the rest of your life. You just don't understand."

A deathly silence fell over the pair. The breeze which had once been refreshing turned cold and nipped at the skin of his face and neck. It stung his eyes, letting tears fall down his ragged skin. The trees moved, the bushes moved, yet neither of them moved for spoke. He contemplated exactly what he had said and felt a sense of relief at having shared all his worries with someone, even if she didn't understand.

It was Bella who finally broke the silence, and as she began to speak he knew he'd said something wrong - something that had struck a nerve. Her voice was hoarse and without looking up at her he could tell there were silent tears running down her face.

"You're right, Jasper. Completely and utterly right. I don't have a flipping clue why you're like this, and maybe I never will. I don't understand how you can just sit here while Alice is in there prepping for the wedding day that you are stopping. I don't see how you can just throw away all of the relationship you've worked on just because you're getting cold feet. How can you even think that being 'attached' to Alice forever would be a bad thing? You say you love her yet you're willing to give up and hurt her in the process. You have a woman back there, in that church, that is willing to give her life to make you happy. She's willing to do anything, and she's willing to bind herself to you because of what she feels. God damn it, she's waited a long time to find a person that loves her, wants her, and then you're going to throw that away at her feet. I don't think you see how selfish you're being, and the sooner you realise that, the better." She finished, sniffing and choking as she concluded.

He felt the guilt seep into his skin and heart, piercing the flesh. It wasn't him that was stating the truth, it was her. She'd read him like an open book, confirmed all his flaws, told him everything he hadn't wanted to hear. He was a failure, and he was failing Alice. But in all this, he knew what he had to do. He had to push away those niggling 'what if' feelings and man up.

He felt Bella walking away, tears and all, and he turned around to see her, comfort her, and tell her his revelation. She turned as he did. Her tearstained face made him feel even more guilty. She looked at him, staring into his soul. "I would give anything to be you today, Jasper. Maybe that's why I'm taking this more personally. You were right when you said I wouldn't understand, and I won't because I'll never have a chance with Edward like you do with Alice. I'll never get to walk down that aisle and see Edward at the other end, smiling up at me. I'll never be able to wear that ring that says, I belong to Edward. God knows I want to, I want to have the kind of future you are trying to give up. I won't be able to do those things, but you can. So for God's sake Jasper, just do it. Time is short and you don't know that until it's already up.' She cracked a smile at him, watching as he stood there between wanting to run and wanting to stay. She rolled her eyes. "Jeez Jas, get out of here already!"

He grinned at her, running over to her and enveloping her in his arm, murmuring apologies for being so stupid in her ear. She just laughed him off and sent him on his way.

This was the right thing to do.

Because I life without Alice, he realised a little too late, wasn't a life at all.

---

Rosalie walked down the halls of the church, desperate to find Bella. The wedding was supposed to be starting in ten minutes and Alice would not go ahead without having her other bridesmaid in front of her. Going out for fresh air had soon turned into a half hour, and she swore to God, if she found Bella in some sort of janitors closet she would firstly castrate Edward and then give Bella a good talking to.

She huffed in annoyance. Sure, she'd practiced walking in high heels millions of times, and even managed to pull it off so it looked effortless. But that was before she had to climb flights of stairs in search of Bella, and her feet were now aching. When she found Bella…

He eyes caught onto a running figure in a black tux, which looked suspiciously like Jasper. As the figure came nearer she realised that it was indeed him. She stood at the front entrance with her hands on her hips as he came up the stairs, panting the entire way. He flashed her a smile, but it dropped when it wasn't reciprocated.

Rose's head cocked to the side. "Where have you been? Why haven't you been getting ready with the guys?" She asked impatiently.

He smiled again. "Long story, too long to tell you now, or probably ever.' He saw her roll her eyes. 'How long have I got?"

She looked at the small, dainty watch attached to her wrist. "Five minutes."

He grabbed her, hugged her tightly ignoring the looks of shock on her face, before sprinting off calling, "I'll see you at the other end."

She stood staring at the place where he had been, in shock. She still didn't understand what was going on, and she became even more confused as she saw Bella hobble in, her hair now surrounding her shoulders and her make-up completely smudged. She looked, quite frankly, a mess. Oh, if Alice saw this she'd scream.

Rosalie reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her up flights of stairs until she was in a bathroom and looked the door. She grabbed her make-up wipes and began making Bella presentable. Rose scowled. "Where the hell have you been? 'Out for some fresh air', huh? It sure took you a long time."

Bella sighed. "I had to do some damage control. Jasper had… gone."

Her wipe dropped the floor, her hand shaking and pure amazement laced with shock decorated her face once more. "Gone?! What do you mean he'd 'gone'?!"

Bella shook her arm, "Stop shouting, Alice'll hear you!' Rose composed her face and tried to calm herself. Bella explained, 'Jasper was freaking out. All this stuff about it being too soon, and how he wasn't sure. So I went and talked some serious sense into him. It worked, I think."

Rose was incredulous. "You think?!"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Well, he looked happy, and he ran back into the church didn't he? I'm sure it'll go fine. We'll walk down that aisle and he'll be at the end of it waiting for Alice, I'm sure. But not a word about this to Alice. It'd break her heart to think he was having cold feet.' Then she glared. 'Now fix my face because I'm not going out into the church looking like this. Alice would kill me."

She quickly grabbed another wipe and went to work. A few minutes later she looked much more presentable than she had been originally. They'd left the hair in place - thankfully the ringlets were still in perfect condition - and they hoped Alice would be too high on getting married that she'd notice, or care. Rose quickly flattened out her dress as best she could and then they raced back to Alice's room. When the door swung open Alice turned to them and glared. "Where the hell have you been Bella?"

She blushed. "Getting air."

She cocked her eyebrow and looked at her invisible watch. "For twenty five minutes?"

She shrugged, "Lost track of time.' She wrapped her arms carefully around Alice, not wanting to spoil or stand on the dress. 'But I'm here now, and you're going to get married."

Alice bit her lip. "I am, aren't I?" Her voice was low, and she seemed in disbelief.

Rose watched as Bella nodded and whispered some comforting words in her ear, before leaning back and saying, "Right. Well, Rose and I will go and get the guys settled, bring Edward down to the front doors in the wheelchair, and then we'll all be set.' She looked at Renee. 'You can get her down to the front, right? With all the dress?" She gestured to all the fabric.

Renee laughed. "Of course. Go and get the guys."

Bella turned, grabbed Rose's hand and they set off. A few minutes later they arrived at the guy's room and knocked on the door. "Serious case of déjà vu, here." Bella whispered.

Rose shook her head as the door swung open, a smiling and relieved Emmett standing there. Rosalie blushed as his gaze looked her over, a strange sort of growl coming from his throat. She slapped his chest, with Emmett grabbing her hand and pulling her towards him. He looked into her eyes, his gaze falling to her lips every other second. She mock glared at him. "You ruin my lipstick and I'll knee you where it hurts."

His smile grew. "Feisty - I love it." Her knee bent in a ready stance, and he quickly fixed his statement. He stuttered slightly. "I'll--I'll be careful."

She smiled before pressing her lips to his.

Bella looked away, feeling it was too private for her to look into. She walked into the room leaving Rose in Emmett safe embrace, and went to Edward, leaning down and pecking him on the lips. He looked at her as she straightened up again. "I forgot to tell you that you look beautiful."

She blushed, running a hand through his hair and feeling disheartened at there not being as much hair there as there used to be. "Thank you," She whispered quietly, which only he heard. He took her hand, kissed her palm, and squeezed in comfort. "You ready to walk the aisle with Alice?" She asked.

Edward nodded, "I feel strong enough."

She cracked a smile, "Good." Then she turned to Jasper, who was fixing the ends of his sleeves. He turned around and met her gaze. "And are you Jasper, ready? Have you feet warmed up enough?"

He grinned wider than she ever thought possible - she thought his face might crack in half. His eyes shone with the excitement and love he felt for this day and the woman that would become Mrs Whitlock. He strolled over, not a nervous step in sight, and kissed her cheek in a thankful gesture. "I'm toasty warm, Bells. Can we get this show on the road now?"

She nodded, "Sure we can. As long as Emmett and Rosalie stop sucking each others faces' of, we can go and get you married!" She exclaimed just loud enough for them to hear. Emmett's hearty guffaws and Rose's slight glare were returned. Bella walked around until she was behind Edward and began pushing his wheelchair, while the others stepped out into the hall.

Bella pointed down the corridor to Jasper's right. "You can go down that way, it'll be quicker to get to the bottom of the aisle. Everyone else, onward." Bella told them. Rose rolled her eyes; she found it quite funny when Bella went into teacher mode.

Regardless Jasper went on his way while the rest followed Bella. They walked along the corridor until they got to the lift, then stepped in and went down to meet Alice. When they exited the lift they were met with a hyper Alice. She jumped up and down as best as she could given she was in her wedding dress. "I'M GETTING MARRIED."

Edward mock gasped, and held his hand up to his mouth. "I can't believe my sister is so clever."

Alice sent him a glare, which quickly dissolved into a smile. "Thank you for walking me down the aisle, Edward. It means a lot to me, for many reasons - which we don't have time for.' She giggled, before looking down at her brother. "Just thank you, for everything." The tears shone in her eyes.

Edward shrugged nonchalantly. "It's nothing - you're very welcome. To be quite honest, I'm happy I'm getting rid of you." That earned him a slap on the arm. "Hey, don't wound me. It'll be hard enough for me as it is."

Alice smiled. "I know. So thank you again."

Edward grabbed her hand, and lifted himself from the chair. He squeezed it. "Like I said, you're welcome. I'm your brother, and since Dad isn't here, I'm just doing my duty."

The music and chatter from inside the big room could be heard from outside. But they were all in our own little worlds. Rosalie looked around and silently thanked God that this day had come, with everyone here. She was thankful that Alice had found Jasper and that they were getting married - even if he did almost run away. She was thankful that Emmett had found me, wormed his way into her life and heart. He'd already entered the room, and was getting seated. And as she looked at Bella, she saw everything good. She thanked God at Edward was still here to witness this day, and still here to be by Bella's side. He was her strength, and she was his.

Someone touched her arm; it was Bella. "I need you up front, Rose." She nodded before kissing Alice on the cheek as good luck and went to the door, standing face forward. Bella pushed the wheelchair out of the way and stood behind Rose, with Alice and Edward behind her. "You ready?" Rose heard Bella whisper to Alice.

Alice sighed shakily, showing the first nerves. "As I'll ever be, Bella."

Bella tapped her shoulder. "Go." She said, and Rosalie lifted her hand and knocked on the double sided door. She counted to five in her head and heard the music change as the doors opened. She took her cue and began to walk.

---

The wedding had gone excellently, after I'd had that little mishap with Jasper. I wasn't going to lie; some of the things he had said hurt me, some of the things I'd said probably hurt him. But in the end it was all in his best interest, and I knew he knew, now that he was attached to Alice forever, that he'd made the right decision.

The ceremony had finished, and now the dancing was taking place. I looked to my side, watching Edward eye the dancers with envy. There was no way he'd have the energy to do something like that now. He had to make do with bouncing his leg to the rhythm. Feeling my gaze on him he turned around, smiling apologetically. "I'm sorry I can't dance with you."

I laughed. "I'm not sorry at all. Do you remember how clumsy I am?!"

He chuckled. "That might be true. We wouldn't want any broken bones."

I shuffled my seat closer to him and rested my head against his shoulder. He sighed comfortingly, entwining our hands together and turning his head slightly to kiss my forehead. It was moments like this that I enjoyed. When it was just us, in our own little bubble, watching the world go by. I saw Jasper and Alice, now Mr and Mrs Whitlock, dancing together in the middle of the floor. His arms wrapped around her, sheltering her from the world as he spun her. Every so often he would lean into her and whisper something in her ear, which in turn would make her throw her head back in fits of giggles. To watch his eyes light up at the fact he could make her laugh was beautiful to see.

Then, in the corner on the edge of the dance floor were my parents. They shuffled from side of side, my mother slightly tipsy due to the endless supply of champagne available. My father was patient and grabbed her whenever she was about to fall. He would simply smile and it made me see how much happier he was now she was back in his life. It made me wonder how our lives would have been if she had stayed and Phil hadn't existed.

Near Alice and Jasper were Rose and Emmett. Their relationship was blossoming in front of everyone's eyes. For a person like me it was especially special to see. I knew Rosalie's back story, and I knew how much it meant for Rosalie to open her heart for someone again. It just showed how perfect they were for one another. They danced together now, holding each other close, with her head resting on Emmett's shoulder like mine of Edward's. Every so often he would push his lips to her head.

The dancing went on for another hour before we were called into yet another room to have dinner. The food was delicious, and even though I knew it was I watched Edward push most of it around his plate. I knew this was down to nerves - his speech was soon.

Soon turned into immediately. I heard the tinkling of a glass being tapped and was brought right into the present. The hand that had been entwined with Edward's now felt as if it was suffocating - his grip had turned considerably tighter. I squeezed back, trying not to wince. He eventually noticed and pulled back, smiling in apology.

Alice stood up and began talking. "Thank you. It's now time for the speeches. Now, usually it would be the role of the father of the bride to give a speech, but unfortunately, my father died years ago. So instead, my brother Edward will be talking to you tonight.' She turned to him and winked. 'Take it away, Eddie."

He glared at her, and with a little help from his stood up from his wheelchair. "Thank you Alice for that introduction.' He sighed happily. 'Well, what can I say. My little sister is all grown up. I've finally handed her over to someone else, so Jasper… good luck.' He gained a round of laughter and slight applause. 'It's a shame that our parent's couldn't be here tonight, but I know that they would have loved Jasper. He is exactly the type of man my parent's would have wanted for Alice: someone who can calm her down, love her, respect her, and make her happy.

"I'm extremely happy to be here today to witness this wedding, maybe even a little bit jealous.' I looked up at him, wondering where the hell he was going with this. 'My sister is getting married before me, and I won't ever get married now. But somehow, looking at you both, I can't make myself envy you, or be unhappy. You're perfect for each other, and anyone who has spent time with them together will agree with me. So can I ask you to raise your glasses as I propose a toast, to Alice and Jasper. Take care of her for me, please."

The moment was bittersweet as everyone rose their glasses and drank to the happiness of two of my best friends. I looked over to Alice who's make-up was now all over her face due to her tears. Edward walked over to her and bundled her into a hug. I smiled ay Jasper. This was a day we'd all remember, some for different reasons but all because it was full of love.

---

It was all over now. The celebrations had finished, we'd sent Alice and Jasper packing to France for their honeymoon - the shops were what Alice was most interested in - and we'd made it home in, thankfully, one piece. Edward and I waved goodbye to Emmett, Rose, Renee and Charlie was we were dropped off at the house, and I wheeled Edward inside. It had been a long day and he was clearly exhausted. I helped him upstairs, shrugged him out of his clothes and helped him into bed. He watched intently as I stripped down as well, grabbing one of his old t-shirts and using it as pyjamas - they were more comfortable than any of the _contraptions_ Alice had bought me.

I turned to him. "Do you want anything, my love? Coffee, something to eat?"

He shook his head tiredly, patting the other side of the bed. I shrugged, slipping into the cool sheets beside him and snuggling into his chest. It was still slightly muscled, but definitely not as much as before. When you compared how he was when I met him to now, the change was drastic. I tried not to think of it too much.

One of his hands reached out and took my chin, guiding it up to look into his eyes. I shifted up to side beside him properly. He took my hand and kissed the palm. When he looked at me again I saw the love shining there. "I have something… to give you, love."

I tutted at him. "You know I don't like you buying me things."

He put his hands up in defence. "This, I didn't buy. To me, it was totally free. And I'm really hoping you won't refuse it. It'd mean a lot to me for you to have it, Bella."

I smiled at him; it was clear whatever it was meant something to him. When he realised I wasn't going to protest any further he stretched over to his beside drawers and pulled something out. He whispered, "Close your eyes," and I obeyed. I felt him place something small but sturdy into my palm, his fingers lingering slightly - the skin on skin contact gave me shivers.

I opened them once his hand fell from mine, my eyes catching on a dark blue velvet box. I couldn't contain my gasp. With shaky fingers I pried the box open, tears filling my eyes at what was inside. A beautiful ring, made with white gold, holding five diamonds that shone in the moonlight of our room. My index finger followed the diamonds. I could feel the tears falling onto my cheeks now.

Edward reached up and wiped away my tears before speaking. "It was my mother's wedding ring. She'd taken it off right after my father had died. When we were looking through her possessions I found it inside an envelope addressed to me. She said I was to give it to the person that made my feel the happiest I'd ever felt in my life; the person who completed me. So I'm giving it to you."

I took it from the box, my eyes still fixed on it. "But isn't it meant… for an engagement…"

He shrugged. "It was supposed to be, but… we both know that isn't going to happen. As much as it hurts to say it, I'm dying Bella.' I released a gigantic sob at his words - I'd never heard him say it so plainly before. We'd always avoided such harsh words. 'So I'm giving it to you as a promise. I promise to love you when I'm here, and when I'm gone. I'll never stop loving you, no matter where I am."

I flung my arms around him tightly, scared to let go. One leg went over to his other side and I sat straddling his lap, our arms wrapped completely around each other. I knew my tears were soaking into his skin, but I made no move to try and stop them. Eventually, after I had considerably calmed down, he pulled back leaving a passionate kiss on my lips.

"Can I put it on you?" Edward whispered.

I nodded, placing the ring back into his hands. I placed out my left hand, but he shook his head, taking my right hand and placing it on my third finger. He brought it to his lips, kissing it gently. Then he took my left hand, un-ringed, and placed a kiss on the finger where an engagement ring should sit. "That's reserved for some other lucky guy." He murmured.

I looked him dead in the eye, shaking my head. "Never. I'll only love you." I stated, my voice tired and strained from my tears. On any other occasion he would have protested, but he simply ignored my comment, choosing to kiss me senseless instead.

When he pulled away, he threaded his hand through my hair, engrossed in the way the light hit and made it shine. "I'm getting weaker and weaker Bella. Soon I won't be able to even walk. So I want to do something now, while I still have the strength. Can I ask you something?"

"Anything." I murmured into the skin of his neck.

He waited a few seconds, and I was getting jittery. "Make love with me one last time." He whispered so quietly, but it still echoed throughout the room.

He pulled my head back, searching his eyes. "You never have to ask."

And I pulled my lips back to his.

**A/N; I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. Many of the reviews I got were asking me, 'Where the hell did this come from?' You've got to remember that five months have passed. If I had the time to write all five months worth of stuff, you'd have known in advance. Truth was, I didn't want to drag it out. But hopefully the explanations at the beginning have settled your minds. I hope you really felt the emotion in this chapter, especially at the end. I knew I felt it, but I guess I feel more connected since I've made Edward and Bella my own - while hopefully still staying true to SM's characters.**

**CHAPTER COUNT DOWN: 3/4 chapters to go.**

**ATTENTION! I'm going off on holiday tomorrow, so I won't be updating for a while. I'll try and get another update for you for the 9th of August.**

**But for this chapter, if you enjoyed, please review.**

**-xlovestory.**


	48. Forty Seven

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Forty-Seven.**

I shook my head, willing the on-coming headache away and ran my hands through my hair, frustrated. The beating in my head increased as I thought back over the last two hours. Summer was coming and that non air-conditioned room did nothing to calm her down. She had just come out from her first major meeting with her record label. She had already been nervous, and now her head was full with so many dates, so many names, that she felt as if she'd collapse any moment.

Emmett chuckled at her exhausted expression. "There'll be more where that came from, let me tell you."

She rolled her eyes, giving back a half-hearted smile as she threaded her arm through Emmett's for support. The meeting hadn't been that bad. It consisted of sitting around a large table, some faces she recognised, some she didn't. But she felt safe with Emmett on one side and Jane on the other.

Bella had got very well acquainted with Jane over the last two weeks. The day after Alice's wedding, at nine in the morning, a short woman, slightly stout with a stormy expression on her face had turned up at their door. This unexpectedly call lead to Bella opening the door in nothing but a robe - it wasn't the way Bella had wanted to greet her publicist. After a few meetings with coffee, and after Jane had finally realised Bella wasn't going to fight her or try and steal her job, they got along quite well. Of course there were finer points that they didn't agree on, but Jane was keeping Bella's schedule workable, and that was all that mattered.

In the meeting, after going over formalities, it had turned into a more friendly chat. Aro talked about how large his hopes were for Bella's career; she hadn't expected any less, Emmett had told her how much money he would earn by having her on board! Demetri had been slightly more tight lipped, but the ideas he had put across she had agreed with. Over all she spent most of her time listening in awe of all that was happening and being discussed around her, while trying to avoid Felix's smug grin.

After so many dates had been filled into her diary she felt as if she wouldn't have a spare moment. This thought irked her - she wanted to spend as much time as she had with Edward. Emmett, of course, knew this concern and had managed to have her staying in Forks and only commuting to Seattle for the CD opening and a few interviews/performances.

She was really starting to get excited now. Everything she'd wanted in a career was finally coming together. Her debut album, which was due to hit stores in two weeks, had been delivered through the door yesterday, and Edward and her had spent most of their day sitting on the couch listening to it. She found it hard to believe that every piece of music had been formed upstairs.

In her thoughts she didn't even feel Emmett pulling her hand through the oncoming crowds and into her car. She blinked rapidly at the change of lighting. Emmett laughed. "You're completely out of it, Bells. I told you that you needed more coffee than you drank this morning. Those things are draining."

She nodded, rubbing her eyes tiredly, before bracing her hands on the wheel and starting to drive. "I'll know that for next time."

"That you will. But lucky for you, you don't have to attend so many of those meetings. You'll be working the crowd while I sit in s stuffy room and make sure you get your fair penny."

She leaned over, kissing his cheek. "I owe you so much for this. I hope you know how much it means to have you as my agent."

He tapped her knee lightly in response. "There's no-one else I'd rather work with."

She smiled at his words; he really was an amazing friend to her now. They'd clicked even from the first meeting. With his cheeky grin and wonderful wit it was hard to not like him. She would never think he was attractive - she couldn't think of him in that way - but he always knew how to make her laugh and smile, and those qualities made her sure that she'd made a friend for life in him.

The journey in the car was short and soon she was dropping Emmett off at Rosalie's house. He stretched his hand behind him into the back seats and grasped a bouquet of lilies in his hand. She smiled at him, he returned it with a small blush on his cheeks. She giggled, "Always the charmer," she teased, which earned her a small punch on the air.

He shrugged, fixing his tie and grabbing his briefcase as he exited the car. "Gotta keep my woman happy."

She rolled her eyes. "Seriously Em, you're constantly making her happy. You don't need flowers for that. You mean the world to her; she told me herself."

He looked down at the flowers. "She means the world to me, too, Bella." He whispered so quietly it was almost unheard. She caught his words, and they warmed her heart. It was lovely to see two people that meant so much to her, fall in love. From the corner of her eye she could see Rose behind a curtain, watching them both interact with an easy smile on her face. Rosalie was a much calmer, more optimistic person now. She was getting used to losing the control she had relied on her whole life. With that came a happier friend to Bella.

She reached over and shoved Emmett the rest of the way out of the car. He began to protest. "Get lost, Emmett.' Bella pointed to the window, and Rosalie shrunk into the shadows, caught now. 'Your woman's waiting."

He sent her a cheeky grin before waving behind the glass of the car. She waved back and then set off again, opening the window slightly and willing the hot weather away. Normally she would be begging for the rain to run away and the sun to come up. But the sweltering hot weather wasn't what she wanted today. The streets were slightly busier than normal, but she put that down to it being the weekend. Saturday, to be exact. A Saturday in which she'd woken herself up at seven - what a crime!

Minutes later she was outside the place she called home; Edward and Alice's house. Soon it would only be Edward's as Jasper and Alice had found the picture perfect house they wanted about eight blocks away. She stepped out the car, hearing the door close behind her as she walked up the steps. At the top she turned and aimed the key at the car, hearing it click satisfyingly shut. She forced the door open…

… to hear herself running through the speakers.

She laughed joyfully. She still wasn't used to that; hearing herself singing. She was sure it'll always surprise her, because she never thought she'd get that far, and that she'd always get that jittery feel in her stomach when she heard it. As she hung up her (un-needed) jacket on the peg she found herself singing along.

She walked into the living room, throwing her keys down on the coffee table, before turning in the direction of the kitchen and finding Alice. She was sitting half on, half off a seat at the kitchen table, tapping her foot fast and scribbling something down quickly on paper.

"Alice, what're you still doing here?!" As her voice rang out the house Alice turned to her, without even jumping at the sound. She shook her head- it was Alice; she probably 'sensed' her presence.

Alice shrugged, her eyes on Bella, while still writing. From what Bella could see, she didn't even go out of the lines. Extraordinarily talented, was Alice. "I'm writing you a note about Edward, and the cleaning, for when I'm away."

Bella walked into the kitchen, going straight for the coffee machine and the Ibuprofen; her headache was still lurking in the shadows of her brain. As she opened the cupboard door she replied, "Couldn't you just tell me now?"

Alice was silent for a moment. "Yes, I suppose I could. But I'm still writing you a note, just in case you forget anything."

Bella shook her head. "I may be clumsy, but it doesn't affect my mental conditions. I'm pretty sure I know all of the things on that list. Plus, I do the cleaning with you every Sunday."

Bella turned around to see Alice drop the pen onto the paper and look down at her hands. They were twisting, fumbling. Alice looked back up to Bella. "You'll take good care of Edward, won't you Bella? I don't want anything to happen to him."

Bella smiled lightly. "Alice, alice, alice.' She sighed, cocking her head to the side. 'Who am I?"

Alice squinted her eyebrows. "Bella Marie Swan.".

"And whom do I love with everything in me?"

Alice blushed guiltily. "My brother, Edward Anthony Cullen."

"So am I going to do everything in my power to make sure he's alright in the next three weeks that you are gone?" I questioned, my hands on my hips dramatically.

"Yes," Alice squeaked.

She walked over to the table, placing both her hands on the edge. "And who are you?"

Alice cracked a smile. "Mary Alice Brandon-Whitlock."

"And what are you supposed to be doing in,' She took a quick glance at her watch, 'under two hours?"

Alice giggled. "Boarding a plane, with Jasper, to Paris."

Bella spread her arms out in front of her. "So why are you still here?"

Footsteps could be heard approaching the kitchen, and because she'd known him all her life, she could already tell it was Jasper - he must have been visiting Edward before they left. As he was rounding the corner he shouted, "Honey! Are you finished writing your useless list of things Bella already knows yet? Because we've got a plane---' He came through the door and spotted Bella standing beside his new wife. 'Oh, hey Bella. She's given you her instructions, has she?"

Bella cracked a smile. "She sure has." She rounded the table and wrapped her arms around Alice. 'I know you're only worried about him, but I promise to take good care of him. Now go! Enjoy the honeymoon you've been waiting two weeks for!"

Alice giggled, jumping off the kitchen stool and went to stand beside Jasper, who wrapped his arm tightly around her waist. Jasper moved his hand in a saluting action. "Until we return, fair Bella."

She shoved his shoulder, urging the pair out to the door. "Have a great trip and a safe journey! We'll be waiting for you to return!"

With another round of goodbyes and waves, she sent them out the door. She stood by the door, the sun streaming down on her face making her blink her eyes rapidly. She waited until their car was just a dot in the distance before closing the door. Locking the sunlight away she moved through the house, startled slightly by such a quiet atmosphere. She stood in the doorway of the living room, remembering all the moments that had happened there, which had shaped the way she lived today. So many things had happened in his house.

Without knowing her feet guided her from the living room, down the hall and through the small lane to Edward's music room. It saddened her to see the small sheen of dust on the top of his beloved piano, glittering away like specks of diamond. She moved to the centre of the room, choosing to sit on the stool and simply stared at the object. It was untouched, but had definitely been loved. The stacks of music sitting to the side of the piano were beginning to brown; pieces he'd used over and over again were becoming ratty and breaking at the seams. She wrapped her arms around her waist, threatening to break down as she did so many times these days.

She steeled what she was feeling; she'd already cried too many times. She stood up carefully, not wanting to move any piece of furniture - she was trying to preserve it as how it looked the last time she'd seen him in here. He'd never be down here again, at least not on his own accord. He practically lived upstairs now.

She closed the door, hearing it shut as she pulled the handle, and then made her way upstairs, hearing the floorboards of the stairs creak under the footsteps she made. She walked down the hall and turned into the room, the door slightly ajar. She stood at the door, not moving, just watching Edward as he breathed in and out, his chest rising and falling. He was in a permanently exhausted state now, really only moving to use the bathroom and to sit up to eat. He was propped up with numerous pillows, and to his bedside sat the wheelchair he now fiercely depended on. Lying there was a completely changed man from whom she'd met almost a year ago, yet she loved him all the same. It didn't matter that he stayed in one place all the time now; that their relationship couldn't be as physical as it used to be; that he couldn't go out with her like normal couples could; that his body was changing dramatically - he was basically skin and bones. Those things didn't matter, because she could tell he was still the same man she loved inside, albeit and little bit weaker than before.

She inched the door open slowly, begging it not to make a sound. She couldn't bare to wake him when he seemed so peaceful - in his dreams his pain was just a faint memory. She tip-toed across the floorboards, now an expert at knowing which ones squeaked and which didn't. Slowly she lowered herself onto the bed to lie down beside him on top of the sheets. Her face scrunched as she saw him move onto his side with difficulty, his arm stretching limply to hang over her waist as if he felt her presence. She smiled softly, snuggling further into his side as best she could.

It was only eleven o'clock; she could join him and sleep for an hour or so.

The pair slept well into the afternoon.

----

Three Weeks Later

----

Bella felt the heat beat down on her. She felt sticky with sweat, and if it wasn't for her large sunglasses she would be struggling to see through he harsh light. She inched her bag back onto her shoulder, trying to stop it from falling off. She walked through the town, only a few streets away from Jasmine's Café where she would be meeting Rosalie and Alice for lunch. Alice had got back from her honeymoon two days ago and they had settled right into their new home. Bella had seen Rosalie a few times in the last three weeks, but between both their jobs and Rosalie's growing romance with Emmett it had been hard to find the time. She was looking forward to meeting with just the girls and sharing each others news.

She looked left and right before crossing onto the other side of the street. Her ears picked up something familiar as she passed one of the hairdressers, and she realised it was her song. She smiled widely; she was still getting used to hearing her music played wherever she went.

Yes, now she was a successful music artist. She single had been released two weeks ago, before it climbed up the charts and it was now settled comfortably at number two. She couldn't be happier. Emmett had arranged her schedule - which was filling up nicely - with just the right amount of interviews and appearances that she could handle. In the last two weeks she had made two visits out to Seattle to sing on television. She was still trying to wrap her head around what she was doing, and how well she seemed to he doing it. She was just happy that people were accepting her music.

She turned the corner and her eyes caught onto the Jasmine's Café sign at the end of the road. She squinted her eyes, seeing a small figure bounce up and down at the café window, waving to someone in side - this made her giggle; it had to be Alice. She quickened her step, getting nearer and nearer the café until she stopped in her tracks, a girl standing blocking her way with an awed expression on her face.

The girl had to be about ten years old, and she was a beauty. With long coppery hair that instantly reminded her of Edward and the deepest brown eyes she'd ever seen, she knew that this girl would be somewhat of a heartbreaker when she grew up. The girl kept her eyes on Bella's face, her lips in an astounded pout. She raised one hand and pointed up at Bella. "Oh. My. God."

Bella's smile tried to stretch further, but behind her sunglasses she was giving the girl a 'what are you looking at' look?

The girl broke into a large grin. "Are you Bella Swan?"

A small amount of butterflies filled Bella at this question. She resisted cowering away at the mention of someone recognising her - it was part of the job, after all. She shrugged and replied, "Yes, I am."

The small girl jumped up and down, clapping her hands together excitedly. The action reminded her of Alice after an 'incredible' shopping spree. The girl reached hurriedly into her backpack and pulling out a scruffy notebook and pink pen. She held them out to Bella. "Can I have your autograph please? I love your music!"

Bella laughed lightly before bending down to the girls level and scribbling her name onto the paper. She placed the cap back onto the pen and gave her a big smile. "There you go. It was nice meeting you…" She drew off, wondering the name of the little girl.

The girl was happy to fill in the gaps. "Renesmee."

Bella gave Renesmee a small wave before continuing on her journey to the end of the street. A quick look back and she saw the little girl, now standing beside a slightly older boy with long black hair and very tan skin. The little girl was pointing and grinning at her own retreating figure while the boy patted her back and tried, unsuccessfully, to rein in Renesmee's enthusiasm. Yes, Bella was right. She'd just met a heartbreaker. And her future husband, it seemed.

She quickened her step once again, eager to see the friends she had so missed. She stepped into the café, hearing the bell chime behind her. Numerous people looked up, but thankfully for her, few noticed who she was due to her sunglasses - they were Emmett's idea of camouflage. She caught Alice's eye, who promptly screamed in excitement, alerting the whole shop to her presence. She felt the instant blush coat her cheeks and quickly made her way to their table, which was at the back of the shop.

She was quickly enveloped in hugs, whispers of excitement at seeing one another again, and then she was pushed into a chair. Alice bounced in her seat, too excited to keep still. Bella saw Rose put a hand on her knee, which calmed her slightly down. She beamed, and was glowing, no doubt to having a brilliant honeymoon. The light tan on her made her look radiant. "Okay, first things first, presents!"

Bella rolled her eyes at her friend. "Alice!' She chastened, 'It was your honeymoon. You didn't need to go hunting for presents for us."

Rose nodded along with Bella, although she could see her friend become curious as to what was in the little blue bag. It was Alice's turn to roll her eyes. "Seriously Bella, I spent most of my time shopping anyway. It wasn't going out of my way, nor was it a chore."

Bella laughed. "Alright then. Let's see what you got us!"

Alice giggled, "That's the spirit!" She replied before delving into the bag and bringing back out two gift wrapped packages, one in pink and one in midnight blue. She gave them their colours and they opened them quickly, eager to see what was inside, despite Bella still feeling guilty at Alice for feeling she had to do this. She quickly shrugged the feeling off and opened the package. Out fell a tiny silver key ring of the Eiffel Tower, plus a gorgeous charm bracelet, with space to add more. Both Rose and Bella reached over and hugged their friend again in thanks.

"It's beautiful, Al! Thank you so much!" Rose gushed, eagerly tying her bracelet on her wrist. Bella followed suit, afterwards admiring the way it twinkled in the light.

Rosalie pushed the packaging to the side as our waiter brought over our drinks - Alice and Rose had already ordered for Bella, knowing her so well. She smiled in thanks at the waiter, before turning back to their conversation. She turned to Alice. "So, come on! What was your honeymoon like? I know you're dying to tell us."

"And we're dying to know." Rose interjected.

Alice blushed crimson, something she rarely did. She finger ran over her wedding band unconsciously. Bella noticed and smiled lightly at the gesture. What Alice and Jasper had was real, and it was a pleasure to see her best friend whom she'd known all her life, plus her newest best friend find happiness in each other. She sighed wistfully. "It was amazing. Paris is so beautiful, during the day everyone is so happy and joyful, wondering around the city, and then at night, it comes alive. The lights, the atmosphere. I could have lived there and been quite happy. Being with Jas, of course, made it even more special.' Rose and Bella aww-ed at their friend. 'We're planning on going back there for a holiday some time - it was mesmerising. We climbed the Eiffel Tower, visited all the known sights, strolled through the city. Gosh, it's just… words can't describe.' She giggled. 'I'd, obviously, recommend it."

Bella lifted the cup to her lips, trying to grin and drink at the same time. "How did Jasper find it? He tends to like the quieter places." Bella mused as she placed her mug back on the table.

Alice waved her hand. "Jasper loved it. Even the shopping spree's I went on. I think it makes a difference when you're away with a person you love. It makes you feel differently towards the place, do things you might not have done before. And you know what?' She teased, 'He even carried my bags. Believe me, I had tonnes!" They all laughed, the image of Jasper lugging bags too hilarious to care.

Alice reached over and tapped Rose's hand. "How about you? How've you been?"

Rose looked down, a smile gracing her lips. "I've been… better than I ever thought I could be. Emmett… he just brings out the best in me, I suppose.' Her words hit all of us hard and when she lifted her head there were genuine tears in her eyes. 'You know, after what happened, I was convinced that I would never be able to just… love another man. But then he came along, and he changed everything. He made something that I had once thought to be so hard, completely simple. I love him, you guys."

By the time she was finished she had tears leaving her eyes and trailing down her cheeks, with Alice and Bella hardly containing theirs either. "We're so happy for you Rose." Alice added, her voice think with happiness and tears.

A blinding smile filled Rosalie's face. "We're moving in together. It just feels right." Alice squealed in excitement again, reaching over to hug her friend. Bella stayed silent for a moment, watching her two best friends hug and congratulate one another. She tried to push all jealous thoughts from her head; one kept escaping through - 'will I ever get my happy ending?'.

Bella forced a smile on her face, wiping away the un-needed negativity from her thoughts and facial expression. Rose deserved this, she'd waited for this, so the least Bella could do was be happy. She got up from her chair and rounded to congratulate Rose. "Congratulations!' She looked Rose dead in the eye. 'Don't ever think you don't deserve this because you do."

Rosalie dabbed at the ruins of her make-up. "Thank you. It's been going around my mind for days. I just… it's the right thing to do, isn't it? I mean, I wouldn't have even considered it if it wasn't the right thing, would I?!" Rosalie became frantic.

Alice grasped her friends' panicked face in both her hands, forcing her to calm and look directly at her. "Does it feel right when he's around you?' Rose nodded. 'Do you feel comfortable with the idea of having him around you almost 24/7?' She nodded again. 'Do you love him?" She nodded vigorously. Alice shrugged. 'Then it's the right thing."

Rosalie's eyes fell onto Bella's. "Are you okay with this, Bella?"

Bella snorted, her eyebrows making a frown. "Why wouldn't I be? I'm your best friend and you've just expressed how happy you finally are! So I'm really happy for you."

She reached over and grasped Bella's hand. "Thank you."

Alice laid her chin in her hand, propped up on the table. "How've you been Bella? How've things gone the past three weeks. I would have phoned more regularly but…"

Bella rolled her eyes. "You were on your honeymoon; you aren't supposed to be calling home every day. You're supposed to go have fun and forget all your worries from home. Besides, I had Rose here with me.' Her fingers threaded together resting on the cold surface. 'I'm… alright, nothing out of the ordinary. Things have been hectic… but I'm dealing with it." Bella ran a hand through her hair. "It's just… it's like I'm living two lives. On one hand I'm living out my dream, my single has gone to number two and I'm finally bringing in money doing something I love.' She shook her head. 'Then there's the other life which is just so… tiring. I hate watching the man I love just… waste away. I would give anything, even my new found success, just to have the man I love back to normal.' Tears began rolling down her cheeks as her friends tried their hardest to comfort her. 'But that will never happen. For reasons I can't understand Edward will not get better! And it was wrapping that thought around my head which was the hardest.' She wiped her tears away, determined not to ruin their lunch. 'But, I know now that while some things change for good, some change for bad. I've accepted that Edward's time is increasingly limited.' She fingered the ring Edward gave her. 'And I know that no matter what I do, his time will come."

Bella lifted her head as she heard a gasp, and found Alice gawking at her right third finger, tears streaming down her face. She pointed at the ring and Bella realised that Alice would recognise it, and she'd never been told that Edward had given it to Bella. Alice's eyes shone with an emotion Bella couldn't recognise. "That ring… he gave it to you." She stated in awe.

Bella bent her head. "Yeah. Are you okay with that? I mean, I know it was your mothers."

Alice placed one finger over Bella's moving lips. "Am I okay with this? I'm more than okay with this. He's given you that ring - my mother's wedding ring. That is… wow. I never thought I'd see that again.' She looked up at Bella. 'He really does love you."

Bella wrapped her arms around her body, wanting nothing more than Edward's warm embrace. "I know he does." She whispered.

----

The ride home was a comfortable one, with Bella driving and Rose and Alice in the backseat bickering away about the latest pieces Alice had seen in a Paris Runway show. Bella mostly kept to her thoughts, only giving her opinion on a piece when necessary. Neither Rose or Alice were pushing her; somehow they knew she needed a little bit of peace to sort her head out.

It was Alice's phone that brought her from her thoughts. It appeared to be Jasper, and while the conversation started light and fluffy, it ended with Alice becoming very panicked and telling him that they'd 'rush' home. Bella's hands tightened on the wheel at her words, already going over the limit slightly - she hoped none of her father's old workmates were patrolling today.

Alice slammed her phone shut. "Something's happening to Edward! We need to get home, now!" She screamed, pure terror oozing from her pores. From the corner of her eye she watched Rosalie wrap a blubbering Alice into her arms. Without any comfort of her own she simply sped back to the house, hoping and praying to God that she'd get there before anything… serious… happened.

Soon they rounded into the street and the car squealed as she pulled quickly into the driveway. The three of them jumped out the car, meeting a flustered Jasper at the door. Alice ran into his arms, shooting questions in every direction, while clutching onto Rose's arm for support. Bela simply pushed past them, running full out to reach Edward. She found him lying on the floor, shaking terribly. She pulled herself down to his side, clutching onto him for support when it was really he who needed the help. She felt the others come into the room, but only their presence reached her. Their words blurred into nothing, and her eyes only saw Edward. In the back of her mind she caught Jasper's words about an ambulance coming as soon as they could.

She felt Rosalie's arms wrapped around her shoulders.

All she could say was, "It's too soon."

**A/N; I'm back, after a disastrous holiday, and then I have to write something like this, haha. But in all seriousness, it's getting harder and harder to write. It's coming to an end everyone. I hope you'll stay with me until the finale.**

**CHAPTER COUNT DOWN: 1 chapter, and an epilogue left.**

**Thank you very much for all the reviews I received for the last chapter. It was inspiring to hear how much you hate to love this story. I'm glad that you're sticking through this with me, even if you don't agree with the outcome. It means a lot to me.**

**Feel free to grace this story with more reviews; it really is appreciated.**

**-xlovestory.**


	49. READ! NOTE!

**PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE!**

**READ - IT'S IMPORTANT!**

I did something really stupid and deleted one of my chapters (it was a useless one saying I was changing my pen-name). FF didn't like it and has messed with my alerts and reviews.

**So please don't think that I haven't updated! I have!** Go back to the last chapter - which is a _new chapter_!- and read it please. Reviews would be nice too.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

-xlovestory.


	50. Forty Eight

_Welcome to the final chapter_ (excluding the epilogue)_ of My Beautiful Disaster. It's been quite a journey, but I won't bore you all… at the moment. Just a few things before we get into the bulk of the chapter._

_ **IF YOU START READING AND IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, YOU'VE MISSED THE LAST CHAPTER.** _

_I sent a note out but some people were confused. I deleted an un-needed chapter, and it messed stuff up. So if none of the following chapter makes sense, go back to the chapter named_ Forty Seven_, and read that first. Okay._

_Here we go again…_

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Chapter Forty-Eight.**

Rosalie looked around the room at all their faces. The people she had grown to love over different periods of time, all looking sad and neglected. Their eyes shone with unshed tears, willing to escape the confines of the eye. Their lips quivered. Their stances tensed and relaxed with every movement in the room, ears perking up at the sound of movement outside the door. Each one willing Dr Carlisle to come through with good news, but each knowing that the prospect of that was next to nothing.

She was feeling exactly the same.

It was a different type of love she felt for Edward than any of the others. Each friend sitting in this room she loved, but all in different ways. Edward, was completely different. She loved him like the brother she never had, the cousin that she clicked instantly with from birth. He'd been the first man she'd ever trusted enough after James. He had, in a sense, put her faith back in men. He, like all the rest, had made an impact on her life and helped her up when she'd fallen down. She'd never forget his kindness, and the way that he never judged.

An insistent tapping noise alerted her ears. Her eyes were drawn to Bella's foot, tapping on the floor. Rosalie's eyes floated up Bella's body, taking in the shivering stance, shoulders curled in, eyes to the floor. Bella's eyes would stick to the floor, then flit to the door. It was clear she wanted nothing more than to run to Edward and make sure he was okay. She felt helpless in a situation she thought she shouldn't be. The tears she held in her eyes held such emotion that Rosalie struggled to choke back a sob. Out of all of them, she had to be feeling the strain most.

But of course, Rosalie remembered, there was Alice. She was sitting in the corner, her arms wrapped around Jasper's body for any support she could find. Rosalie's heart went out to her; this wasn't the first time she had experienced this, and not just with her brother. Her father had gone in the exact same way, and the not knowing was killing Alice inside, it seemed.

Suddenly the door swung right open, all eyes in the room snapping up at the sound. Emmett's large figure stood in the doorway, his chest flitting up and down in a quick rhythm as he tried to catch and steady his breath. "I'm here! What did I miss?! Has the doctor been yet? Have they said anything?!" He asked frantically.

Rose outstretched her hand, and his eyes flickered down to it as he placed his own hand in hers. She pulled him gently further into the room and with her eyes told him to sit beside her. Out of everyone she seemed the only one that was brave enough to speak without breaking down. She watched as Emmett eyed everyone else, seeing and thinking the exact same things she was just moments ago. She squeezed his hand, gaining his attention. "When we got here he was rushed into the emergency room. The last thing we saw was Carlisle rushing into the room in all his… gear. We haven't heard anything since. We're just praying he's okay."

Bella let out a little whimper at her words, all eyes returning to her. The tears that had been locked in her eyes were not spilling down her cheeks, silently. Emmett rushed from Rosalie to Bella, enveloping his arms around her and they all watched as she tugged him closer, desperate for reassurance and comfort. The only sound heard was Bella's chanting, 'It's too soon, It's too soon'. That was all she had said from the moment it had happened, to now.

A few minutes later she had calmed down enough, and Emmett had returned to Rose's side. She clasped his hands tightly. He looked at her and saw all she was feeling before leaning down and pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. He was trying to help her, to tell her that no matter what happened, things would be okay, for her, for them, and for everyone in the room. But they all knew that they had no clue what would happen now. It was simply a waiting game.

Minutes went into hours as they waited, none of them leaving the room for fear they would miss something. The clock in the room continued to tick but to Rosalie it felt as if time had stood still. Somewhere in this hospital Edward was fighting for his life and they were just waiting, feeling more and more helpless as time went on. It became unbearable, more so than it already had been. Legs would shake, eyes would flit, ears would zoom to any sound; everyone was on edge and agitated.

And finally, after there hours, Carlisle walked through the door.

Rosalie could tell he was a good doctor from the moment his foot stepped through the threshold. His face was warm and inviting, though now it looked tired and worn from being in surgery so long. His eyes were patient and kind, and he oozed care and helpfulness. He came into the room, a small yet fading smile resting on his lips, still tightened, and no words were spoke. He spied a chair in the corner and went over, lifted it and placed it in front of everyone. They were all silent, waiting, as he did this.

He placed the files he was holding onto one leg, before looking up at everyone. He cleared his throat. "Edward has suffered a heart attack. At this stage in his illness it can be… fatal. But, we have managed to stable his condition… so far.' A rush of relief flowed through the room, so much that Rosalie could almost see it. But she could sense something else was coming as Carlisle raised his hand. He looked down, his eyes apologetic. 'However, that isn't the end of it. As I said, Edward is lucky to be alive right now. He is stable for the moment but that can, and I think will, cease. I'm not sure how much longer Edward's body will be able to cope.' His eyes rested between Bella and Alice. 'I would prepare yourself for the worst.' He paused. 'I'm very sorry."

The room was silent for a moment, with no-one knowing quite how to react or what to say. Rosalie watched as Bella turned to Alice, silently asking with her eyes what to do. Alice sat up from her curled position next to Jasper and simply opened her arms. Slowly Bella stood and wormed her way into Alice's embrace as both cried together. Jasper, feeling this was a moment for them alone stood and went to shake Carlisle's hand, thanking him for all he had done for his brother-in-law. Rosalie simply turned into Emmett and let him comfort her as tears escaped her own eyes.

Carlisle cleared his throat again, getting some attention. "Edward is in a private room now. He was awakening from the drugs as we put him in there, so it is okay if, two at a time, went in. You might want to… say your goodbyes."

Some nodded, others cried louder, and with a slight nod Carlisle escaped from the room. It took a moment for them to control themselves and sit right with the situation in hand. Each person was dealing with the news in different ways, but eventually they calmed down enough. Rosalie coughed slightly. "Um… who wants to… you know, go first?" She asked quietly, slightly eager to get this show on the road. There was only so much she could take before she broke down completely, and she didn't want to do that in front of everyone. She had to be strong; at least one of them had to be.

Bella shook her head and when she spoke her voice was think with tears. "I need some more time. I can't go in there and…" She broke off, unable to complete her sentence.

Alice wiped her hands over her face, trying to hide the marks of her tears. "Me neither. Someone else go first."

Rosalie looked at Jasper, who shook his head and wrapped her arms tightly around Alice once more, with one hand comforting Bella by rubbing her shoulder. Rosalie looked at Emmett, grasping his hand tightly. He nodded, and then they both stood up. The others followed with their eyes. Emmett smiled grimly. "We'll go. It'll give you all some time to… get your thoughts together."

Bella sent them a thankful look before they exited the waiting room. Carlisle was standing at the front desk, his eyes trained on the door. His smile was tight and sad as he saw them. "Room 127, up one floor and straight to your left." was all he said, realising that that was all they needed. Emmett nodded in thanks and then they took the elevator up to the next floor, turning left and being met by door 127.

Emmett looked through the window, checking it was Edward. He nodded; it was the correct room. He squeezed her hand, looking down at her. "You ready."

She nodded. "Yes."

Then they stepped into the room, ready to say goodbye.

---

Alice stood outside the room, both hands firmly clasped to Jasper's one. He bent down, littering her forehead with comforting kisses, trying to ease the pain and sadness she was feeling. She kept wondering what she had done wrong in life, and why she was being punished so severely. Was it not enough for her to have lost both her parents, one to this disease? Had she done something so terrible as to deserve to lose her brother as well? She covered her mouth quickly, unsuccessfully drowning out the whimper of pain.

Jasper wrapped his arms tightly around her, trying to shield her from the window. There was no need, she hadn't looked in yet. She'd seen him enough times in a hospital to know what to expect. After a few minutes she pulled away and looked into her husband's eyes. She took his hand. "It's time now."

She clasped the door handle tightly before breathing deeply and pushing it open. It squeaked only slightly, opening and letting them through. Alice looked around the room, pale and white, nothing but the bed and two chairs, plus equipment that was keeping him alive.

Then her eyes met Edward's.

Her breathe was knocked out of her. How could someone so perfect, happy, lovely, and caring look so worn and tired. He looked like death was already upon him. His skin was sunken and almost translucent. His eyes no longer held the spark that once had been there all the time, and lately only on special occasions. He looked worse than he ever had and it saddened her that when she looked back, the last time she will have seen him he'll have looked so bad. Still, she had to remind herself, she had years full of memories to keep her going.

Edward broke the silence, giving her a small smile. "So this is it, huh, Alice?"

She started shaking, unable to hide her emotions any longer. She rushed to her brothers side, locking her arms as carefully as possible around him. She felt his bony fingers stroke her back, trying to comfort her when he should be the one being comforted. "Shh,' He whispered to her gently, reminding her of when she was a child and he would do the same. 'Don't cry. It's the way it's supposed to be, Ali."

She pulled back, a frown on her pretty face. "No it's not. You're supposed to live and marry Bella, and be there to see your nieces and nephews being born, and see me laugh at you when you turn fifty first.' He released a little chuckle, bringing a small smile to her lips. 'You're supposed to be here, with all of us. Not… dead."

He fiddled with the edge of the blanket covering him. "It's got to happen at some point. And you'll always have people around you to support you through all the things you just said. Bella…' The pain in his voice was evident. '… that's another story. But you'll still be able to laugh at Jasper on his fiftieth birthday."

She shook her head. "You know what I mean.' She wiped a lone tear from her face. 'I just… you're the only family I have left and the thought of losing you…' She sighed shakily. 'I just don't want that to happen."

Jasper reached over and rubbed her shoulder. "Sometimes you have to go through things you don't necessarily want to, honey."

She shrugged. "That doesn't make it any easier." She muttered.

Edward grasped both her hands in his. "Listen. You're my sister, we share blood, and I love you. When I'm gone, I want you to promise me that you'll test yourself for heart cancer. Talk to Carlisle about it; I'm sure he'll sort something out for you. Please, just promise me."

She nodded. "Of course. That'd be for the best anyway."

"And don't worry about when I'm gone. You'll have everyone around you, and you'll always have the memories. Those have to count.' He smiled at her. 'Be strong, and try not to grieve for long. I'm not really gone, just away."

She nudged his shoulder slightly. "You always knew what to say, Edward."

"That's because I'm your big brother, and big brothers know best." He laughed looking at the indignant look his sister got on her face at his remark. She swallowed her pride and let him have his moment.

He moved slightly, trying not to wince as the pain got to him. He reached over, grabbing his glass of water. She watched as every moment he made gave him pain, an almost permanent grimace resting on his face. In some ways she would be happy when he left them, because then the suffering will have stopped.

He placed the cup back down, and rested a while. After a few minutes she saw his eyes light up, as if he had just remembered something. He tapped her hand. "I want you to do something for me, after I'm…" He dragged off, not finishing.

She nodded. "Tell me and it's done." She assured him.

He smiled despite the pain. "There's a box under my bed…"

---

A long time ago, when I was five, I was told my first fairytale. Being at that naïve young age, I believed what my mother said straight away. About the princes, the castles, the happily ever after; I was convinced it happened to everyone, and would eventually happen to me.

How wrong I was.

It was about ten years after I'd first been read fairytales that I realised they were utter rubbish. They were made to give you happiness, a little bit of story to keep you quiet when you were younger. But in fact, they just made you question life more after you'd read them, and then, when you realised they were wrong, and told you lies, it brought you unhappiness.

I soon realised that nothing is perfect; nothing is ever set in stone; things change, and my life could change.

When I look back over this year I can see that my life changed dramatically. I realised my dream, went for it, and I'm finally getting somewhere. But the most significant change was that I found out how it feels to be loved, and to love someone. I met the one person that gave me purpose, and made my life make sense.

I met Edward.

And in some ways, no matter what I thought of fairytales, I saw him as my Prince Charming. He had a way of making everything right, and he gave me hope that things could be perfect, because he was. I thought, and still think, that even with all his flaws I'll never meet another man that will measure up to him. He's one of a kind. And I thought I'd be with him forever.

Now I know for definite I won't be.

I see now that no matter how many times I'd been told that there was no cure for Edward I still believed that he'd make it through. I never really let myself think that he wouldn't be here. In the back of my mind I thought he'd be a constant in my life. And now, standing in his hospital room millimetres from the door, just watching him look right through me, my arms clutching at my sides I know it's really happening.

I'm going to lose him.

I move to get closer to him, wanting to eradicate the space between us that's killing me and driving me over the edge. His puts his hand up, immediately stopping my movements. "Don't. I just… want to look at you properly." His voice is raspy, probably due to either drugs, the length of the day, or the talking with everyone else. I'd do anything for him so I stand still, gazing into his eyes, hoping to get lost in them and find that I've been sleeping - it's all a dream.

I blink hard.

No, this is happening.

"Okay. I can't stand it anymore." He announces, albeit quietly. He pats the space beside him on the bed and I walk quickly around, placing myself beside him. I lean down and press my lips to his forehead, letting them linger, longing for the connection that'll be a memory soon. I draw back and look at him properly just as he had done with me. He looks almost hollow now, but that doesn't matter - he's still my Edward. His breathing is limited, shallow and gasping. And he's looking me like these are the last moments he'll ever see me; in a horrible way it's quite fitting.

I close my eyes, my hands drawn to his. "I'm going to miss you." It's all I can find to say. I have so many other things I want to, but nothing will come. I'm sure he knows it all anyway.

His chuckle was hoarse, but it was clear he was trying to keep this light-hearted. "Try not to miss me too much. You've got to live your life at some point."

I shook my head. "I'll be missing a big part of my life. You mean everything to me, and then for you not to be there…" I dragged off, willing the tears falling from my eyes to stop. That was no use; I was going to cry and nothing would stop me.

I felt Edward's thumb come up to catch my tears. "Don't talk like that, my love. I'll always be here,' He pointed to my heart, 'and here.' He pointed to my head. 'You're all talking as if you'll never be able to remember me after I'm gone, but you can.' He looked at me for a long moment. 'I hope you know how much you mean to me, Bella." The fingers that were still attached to my left hand traced my ring. The movement made my heart ache.

I cupped his cheek, feeling the faint stubble. "Of course I do. You mean just as much to me." When I spoke my voice, too, felt like sandpaper. If I had thought I'd felt pain before, I clearly hadn't. The pain I was feeling now was unimaginable.

The beeping on the machine - which I had been blocking out so far - began to quicken, only slightly, but I was so on edge that it made a difference. His fingers tightened more on my hand. His closed his eyes as he spoke. "I want you to promise me that you'll let yourself fall in love again. I don't want you to pine for me, or never let any other man in. I couldn't stand it if I knew I was the reason. You deserve to be loved again, Bella."

I knew in my heart that I'd never forget Edward, or ever feel complete again without him. I'd become too attached to fully let go. But it was what he wished, and even though I thought it was impossible right now, it might feel okay in the future. I didn't want to fight with him, anyhow. So despite my unsure thoughts I replied, "Okay. I promise."

The beeping on the machine quickened and I felt my heart pump in time with the sound. I clutched his hand tighter, squeezing my eyes until I saw stars. I knew what was happening, but damn it, I wasn't ready! I hadn't said all I'd wanted to say. I hadn't taken the time to memorize every inch of him, even though I knew it by heart already. I didn't want to let go, not just yet.

He knew what was happening too; I could see it in his eyes when mine opened. With all the strength he had left he brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed the ring he had put there. He looked at me with all the love in the world and spoke in a hoarse whisper, "I love you,". I returned the sentiment quickly.

And as my eyes blurred I watched him take his last breath.

**A/N; Wow. It's really finished. Well, excluding the epilogue, that is. What a long, and at some times trying, journey it has been. I almost don't want to give up on these characters - I've grown attached to them like they weren't fictional. But I guess there has to be a time when their story finishes, and for the Bella and Edward I have created, this was it for them.**

**I like to think that this story is different, original, and has something a little extra than anything else I've ever written. I definitely believe that I had a goal with this story that I had to get to, and I think I did get there. Eventually.**

**I'll give all the 'thank yous' properly when I write the epilogue but I want to give a quick shout out to Katie (TheBlackNecromancer) who has helped me throughout writing MBD. She gave suggestions when I was out of inspiration, and was the one person I told full details of the story to. So… thank you Katie. (:**

**And for the second last time I'll remind you…**

**It takes hours to write, but seconds to review. I'd love to hear what you thought of the last (really second last) chapter of My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Thanks again everyone!**

**-xlovestory.**


	51. Epilogue

**My Beautiful Disaster.**

**Epilogue.**

I looked around the room. It felt familiar, like a second home. I knew that I wouldn't feel like this as soon as the tour started, but I'd been rehearsing here for the last three weeks - I'd been here every single day, tiring myself out for my passion for music. The walls were blood red, making the room close in slightly. Now windows; we were in the basement. Stringy lights hung from the top corners of walls to the other ends, some blue some pink. In the middle of the ceiling was a fake chandelier, reminding me that I'd come so far, but still had lots to conquer. A huge dresser with drawers on both sides leant against the far away wall, the chair that she sat in now usually placed I front of the mirror while the make-up artist Leah caked my face with make-up. The left wall had a costume wrack against it, and even though I'd only wear one outfit there were many to choose from - Alice had squealed in delight when she'd seen it. And then there was the opposite wall, covered in photos - some old, some new - which reminded me of specific moments which had made me so happy.

I'm looking at them now. One holds a picture of me sitting at the piano I'd would sit on in 46 minutes (so Emmett, my music and tour manager, told me), my hands pressed to the keys, my mouth open as the notes flew and filled the air - a moment of peace captured in time. I had walked in with Emmett, searching for a venue to start my American tour. The piano had been sitting in the middle of the stage, a simple spotlight resting on it, making it shine. I'd smiled and sat right now, started singing and playing immediately. I'd felt completely at ease on that stage.

Another picture held us all together just two weeks ago. My arms wrapped around Rose and Alice, the guys standing behind them. It had been taken in this very room. Our eyes were twinkling, our grins stretching over our faces. I had felt completely happy in that moment, yet looking back at that picture now I saw the blank spot, where someone should have been.

The next picture was me with my band during one of the many rehearsals I had done. They had been fooling around, playing whatever chords and notes they'd felt like. Paul, the bassist, and Embry, the guitarist had been jamming together, Jacob grinning in the background banging on the drums beside them. I had been looking and smiling as they played together and someone, still anonymous, had clicked that button on the camera. I hope that there will be just as much, if not more, energy on the stage tonight as there was then.

And then the picture that meant most to me was placed in the middle of the wall. A picture that reminded me of lovely, older days that were unfortunately no more. Edward and I on Isle Esme, our feet resting in the sand, sitting on the beach smiling up at the sun. My hand goes up and touches his face on its own accord - I can't help it. My heart aches a little, but not as much as it used to. I'm learning to live without him now.

At first it was incredibly hard and there had been so many times I'd thought I would just melt into the background, become a shell with no substance. The first days after his death I walked around like a zombie, desperate to believe that he wasn't really gone - he was just _away_. The came the realisation that he really wasn't coming back, and the pain was unbearable. Some days I would simply sit in the room we had shared, inhaling the scent that clung to the furniture and sheets - its faded now. I didn't want to move on, I wanted to stay in that moment forever, enduring the pain if it kept me closer to his memory.

I woke up more when the funeral hit. Any preconceived notion that somehow he'd come back disappeared as he did into the earth. The ropes lowered him down and I remember falling to the ground and sobbing, screeching in pain. Alice had followed. We had mourned together at that moment, and it made the bond I had with her, still to this day, more stronger.

I thank the Lord every day that I have the friends I do. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be coping if I didn't have them. They helped me to stop punishing myself for Edward's death, and they let my mourn in a way that suited me, but helped me at the same time. In the end they brought me back from the form of depression I had let myself slip into. They had welcomed me back to the world with smiling faces, tempting me into living again - it looked so good. Emmett gave me the space I needed to write and I wrote enough lyrics for three albums in almost a month. The songs were filled with pain, or memories of my time together with Edward. Many were too personal to release at first, but they circulate the world today. Some still aren't recorded - they are too personal to me to be pushed into the world to be judged yet. My career, thankfully, was still waiting for me at the end of the tunnel I'd found myself living in. It gave me something to fill my time with, to escape to. It helped me cure myself.

After three months things finally started moving. Alice urged me to sell the house, and it was for the best. Even though it held so many good memories, it still hurt me to sleep in the room we used to share, all alone. Every wall or surface sparked memories, and even if they were good it was too soon to be appreciated. We sold the house to a lovely family with three children who had immediately ran out into the garden, decorating their clothes with grass stains. It was bittersweet to watch someone else turn it into their home, but I knew I'd always have the memories in my heart, and selling it allowed me to walk away from some of the pain.

I did keep something, though. Alice had approached me while we were packing up the things and told me that Edward would have wanted me to have the piano. I had cried when she'd told me. I hadn't been able to look at it, let alone play it since he'd gone. It resembled to much to me. Yet it was too precious to me to let anyone else have it, so of course, I accepted. It sits in my living room at home; a little piece of Edward still living with me. Some times I sit down, closing my eyes, and if I try hard enough I can imagine him sitting beside me, playing my lullaby to me. It's soothing.

Painful months turned into bearable years, and I found myself being able to live freely again without something haunting me. Before everything had held some sort of reference to him, but after time I managed to go out and about, start singing again and performing. I saw everything I'd missed, the world was foreign, but I'm used to it now.

We've all mourned, and we'll all miss him, but we have to live our lives again.

A lot has changed in three years. Rose and Emmett got married just last month after being together for just over three years. Emmett had been a nervous wreck and Rose had looked the epitome of beauty in a marvellous dress which Alice had managed to wangle for Versace - I don't know how she does it, but she does. Persuasive little creature. It had been a happy day for all, and when the speeches had come along words that told of everyone missing Edward had made me tear up a little. Still, I managed to get through my performance I'd promised them, without a hitch. They were getting back from their honeymoon yesterday and despite the jet lag they were coming to my show. I love them so much.

Alice and Jasper were now not just a couple; they had a family. Thirteen months after Edward's passing Alice had a little boy named James Edward Whitlock and it can't be denied that we all spoil him rotten. He's beautiful, with bright blue eyes that hypnotise you, chubby little cheeks and a large grin you can't help but fall in love with him.

A knock at the door brings me from reminiscing, and I shout telling them to come in. The door opens to show Alice, six months pregnant with their second child. She waddles in, somehow still managing to be graceful, a small smile resting on her face. She comes over and kisses me on the cheek. "How're you holding up?"

I roll my eyes at her. "You make it sound like I'm getting married. I'm fine. I'm a little nervous, but I'm excited too."

She smiles wider. "That's good. I just came to check on you and pass on good luck and wishes from everyone else. James sends his 'lub' too."

I giggle. He can't pronounce his 'v' yet. "That's lovely. Thank you." She shrugs, looking down slightly. It's silent, like she has something to say but can't find the way to say it. Then I realise that she's holding something behind her back. She moves slightly and I see it's a bag holding a cube shaped object. I point at it. "What's that?"

She sighs and looks at me as if she's trying to read me. In the end she finally replies, "It's something that I've been given the responsibility of giving to you… when I think it's the right time. And I woke up this morning with the thought that it's time you had it. So… here you go." She places the bag down on my lap and I eagerly lift the object out of the box. The bag falls to the floor and the air freezes as I see it. A box, plain cardboard - nothing special. Except it shows Edward's curvy script, elegantly carved into the box, writing 'Bella'.

I look up questioningly at Alice. She shrugs again. "Edward asked me to give it to you when I said goodbye to him in the hospital. I haven't looked inside because… it didn't feel right. Whatever's in there is yours, and something that means something to you and him. It's personal."

I nod, unsure of how I feel. I breath deeply and lift the box, feeling the shift of dust under my fingertips. Inside was layers upon layers of folded paper, each with a number on them. I looked up to see that Alice had disappeared out the door without me noticing and I silently thanked her for giving me some privacy. I'd rather do this alone.

I slipped out of the chair and rested on my knees on the floor before pouring the contents of the box onto the floor. Paper spilled out, some pieces flying further than others. I scrambled around putting the pieces of paper number up so I could see just how many there was. Thirty. Thirty pages written from Edward to me.

I carefully picked up Number One feeling the paper beneath my fingertips. I pried it open, curious, but slightly scared at what I would find there.

_Dear Bella,_

_This is the first letter I've ever written to you. It feels strange to write when I could simply say this to your face. But it just feels like something I have to do. Today I saw and heard you play for the first time. You blew me away and as soon as your hands had hit the keys I felt emotions roll over me that I've never felt before. You take my breath away and I'm pretty sure it isn't just your talent._

I closed it quickly, staring in awe at all the others bits of paper. Could Edward really have documented all their time together? In this moment I love him more than ever. He'd felt compelled to write it and now he had given it to me to remind me of all the times we'd had. My heart swelled. I dropped the note and picked up another - any, regardless of the number. I picked number six.

_My dear Bella, or am I allowed to call you that anymore? You were never properly mine, but I am definitely yours. You have my heart, completely. It is breaking with very moment we spend apart. I should have explained instead of acting the way I did. If I had, we wouldn't be going through this separation. Maybe you'll get over me, maybe you'll still have feelings for me, or maybe I'll never know. All I know is that I miss you terribly and I've realised now… I love you._

I scrunched up her eyes. Our first break-up, and we hadn't even been properly together then. The pain I'd felt then was nothing compared to what I'd felt when he'd died. I threw the piece of paper to the ground. If we had sorted out our differences then we wouldn't have wasted so much time. We would have had another month together, blissfully happy. She unclenched her shoulders and picked number ten.

_Today was Alice's birthday, but Bella, that wasn't the best bit of the day. I've finally admitted my feelings to you, and to hear you say the same thing means more to me that you'll ever know. I've wished for this moment so many times it's hard to contemplate that this is real. We've sorted out our differences, finally, and now I can call you mine. I hope to be able to call you Mrs Cullen some day._

I felt tears sting my eyes. How I wish that was true! But you can't get everything you want out of life, and I'm learning to accept that how I thought my life would be isn't how it's playing out. Some parts and better and some parts are worse, but I'm coping. I pick another letter - number 17.

_Today, my sweet Bella, we are on Isle Esme. Last night I told you all about my childhood and felt as if an invisible weight had been lifted from my shoulders - I can't begin to thank you for making me unburden. Now I feel completely alive and able to begin and new life, with you by my side. You are amazing, and you took what I told you with such poise and concern. I feel I can tell you anything. Evn the things that worry me. There is one thing that worries me more than the rest, but I don't want to say anything until I'm certain. So for now, it'll remain unsaid._

I frown. Was it possible that he had an inkling of what had happened while we had been on Isle Esme? I felt slightly betrayed that he hadn't told me sooner. If he had maybe things would have been different. But I couldn't berate him now; the past was the past and no matter how much we want to we can't change it.

Reading these letters made me feel closer to him than ever, but also made me want him more. I wanted to tell him things, tell him my worries for the future, tell him the new feelings I am beginning to experience. Then I remember he isn't here.

I'm not sure how much longer I have until show time, so I reach for the last letter. Even I know, as I think this, that its an excuse. I'm feeling overwhelmed and drained now that I've read this, all at the same time. I knew that later, in a few days time, I would sit down and read these properly. I opened number thirty.

_I think that this'll be the last letter I write to you, my love. Even though I don't want to leave I feel like my time is coming to an end. I'm getting weaker and weaker as you well know, and going on just isn't an option. I've fought as hard as I can - because God knows I want to survive and be with you as long as I can be - but I just don't have the strength anymore. I'm tired, love. It's time to go._

_But… there are a few things I want to tell you before I do. Just in case I'm unable to tell you, I'll tell you now. I want to know that I loved you more than I ever thought possible. You made he happy, Bella, and now that I've experienced that feeling I know that I was never truly happy before you came along. You cared for me and gave me life - I don't want you to feel any type of guilt after I leave._

He knew me too well.

_You might say 'What if I'd done this' or 'What if I'd done that' but the truth is this is how it was meant to be, however devastating it turned out. I was meant to be with you for this time, and then I was meant to leave and let you fall in love with someone else. Don't feel like you can't - if it feels right, go for it. Life's too short not to. And that applies to all of life. I want you to have it all, Bella._

_I'm writing this while you're away at a meeting with Emmett and I can hear Jasper's car coming up the drive so I'm afraid I won't get to write all I want to say, but you know most of it already. Take care of yourself and the others, my love, and know that I'll always be close if you want to talk. I'll be watching you and wishing you well throughout everything._

_With my love, always,_

_Edward._

I wiped the tears away before they fell onto the page. I pressed the note close to my heart, wishing that he was here physically to hold my hand today. I wanted him to see me perform for the first time and I'd just have to trust that he was watching somewhere. Another knock at the door was heard and it swung open to show Emmett, looking at me with a small smile. I nodded, knowing it was time. I quickly put all the letters back into the box, pressing a kiss to the top before I wiped my face properly.

Emmett grasped my hand. "Are you ready?" He asked as we neared the stage.

I twirled the ring that still rested on my right hand, third finger. "Of course."

----

I looked out from the stage seeing millions of happy, exhilarated faces staring back at me with their hands in the air. It felt surreal singing to all these people and hearing the words I'd written echoing back at me. I was pouring with sweat but had never felt so alive before. The adrenaline rushed through my veins - I was loving it.

Slightly out of breath I sat down at the piano, the screaming continuing. I looked at the keys, watching them shimmer in the lights. The screams quietened down as I placed my hands on those shimmering keys and just as I was about to play my eyes rested on the ring Edward had given me.

Edward.

Edward.

My plans changed suddenly, and my hands fell to my lap. I could almost hear the confusion on the crowd. I looked at my band, seeing their own confused faces, and I gave them what I hoped was an apologetic smile. They'd understand soon enough. This was something I had to do.

I placed my lips at the microphone. "I'm about to do something unplanned so I hope my band will just bare with me.' I relaxed my shoulders. 'I want to play something for you that had never been released. Is that okay?' The crowd screamed with happiness and I took that as a 'yes'. 'This next song was written three years ago. And I hadn't really thought about it until tonight when a friend gave me a box of letters. You see, this next song is about someone who came into my life and changed it completely. And unfortunately he isn't here anymore.' The crowd hushed. I placed my hand on my heart. 'But I know he's right here. So Edward, if you're listening… this is for you.' I gripped my ring tighter, and looked upwards. 'Thank you, for everything.'

And as I started to play I could have sworn I heard a voice say,

"You're welcome."

----

**_He's soft to the touch_**

**_But afraid at the end he breaks_**

**_He's never enough_**

**_And still leaves more than I can take_**

**_I don't know,_**

**_I don't know what he's after_**

**_But he's so beautiful_**

**_Such a beautiful disaster_**

**_And if I could hold on_**

**_Through the tears and the laughter_**

**_Would it be beautiful?_**

**_Or just a beautiful disaster_**

**_He's beautiful, such a beautiful disaster_**

**---**

**Wow. It's completely finished now. It's been almost a year since I started writing MBD and I think It's turned out almost as how I wanted it to be. I wanted to write something that challenged me, something that had more of a real life aspect to it - we all know in our hearts that life won't turn out perfect. I also wanted to create my own version of Edward and Bella, which I hope I did, and that you enjoyed it. I enjoy writing, but I also enjoy reading reviews from people who enjoy my work. Knowing that may people have liked this story is lovely. **

**Thank you to everyone who read, and everyone who reviewed. It does mean a lot. **

**For now I won't be writing anything new. There will be NO SEQUEL; I feel that this Bella and Edward have had their journey, and continuing it would ruin what I've written here. I have ideas for other stories but right now I just want to take a break. I'll be back at some point - you won't get rid of me forever!**

**A quick note on songs: The song used in this chapter was inspiration for this whole story. When I first heard it I fell in love with the lyrics, and this story is the outcome of my imagination. The song is 'Beautiful Disaster' by Kelly Clarkson - listen to the acoustic/instrumental version, I like that one best. Most of the other songs were sung my Jennifer Hudson, who is brilliant.**

**So with all that said, that's the end of MBD. I hope you've enjoyed it, possibly enough to read it again. xD I should mention that I'll be (over time) redrafting this and correcting the millions of grammatical errors it has. (:**

**Will you review for the very last time? I hope you will.**

**Thanks again for the support and such.**

**-xlovestory.**


	52. AN

**HELLO ALL READERS!**

It's been a while, but I'm finally back with a _proper_ story. I've tried my hand at a few things, but I think I was a little out of practice. However, with this venture, I hope to really get back into my "writing swing".

**NEW STORY: OBLIVIOUS.**

The first chapter has already been posted and it would mean the world to me if you'd pop on over there and take a look. I really appreciated all the support you gave me last time, and hope you'll do the same with this new story.

**Thank you!**

**-Alice (xlovestory).**


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